M 90

My 2 cents. I have nothing but the deepest empathy for both of you Lynx and Normal. I have just stumbled upon this thread and its like reading the major situation me and my ex-wife went through. My response may be a downer but in my experience the best advice is always something we don't "want" to hear but "need" to hear. I will try to keep it short. Once I came out about being ab/dl with my ex-wife we were together for 6 months and she immediatly was repulsed by it. After much explaining and research (this site included) she came to terms with it but then once she found out how deeply my infantilism desires were she went back to being disgusted and it got to the point that we start seing a relationship therapist over it. All the compromises you posted, yeah we tried all those too. Now this whole thing was a learning experience for me as well, I did not know how deeply my infantilism effected me until I discovered how incredibly difficult it was to supress my desires with her. And it killed me everytime I would think about never getting to live out my fantasies with this woman that I really did love and it also killed me to know the stress I would put her through everytime I brung it up to her. We came to a sort of happy medium but still I was not satisfied and then I went and made the brilliant decision to marry her. Now my infantilism and her unwillingness to accept wasn't the only reason we got divorced but I would say it was probably 40% of why we split. We definitely had our typical marriage problems as well. Now some people here are totally cool with the compromise side of things and that is totally cool but Normal you seem to be on the same page as me with this infantilism and I can tell you from experience that if you are on the same page as me you are not going to be completely happy in any relationship you are in unless you find a girl who will not only truly love you but a girl you are truly compatable with and who is willing to fullfill you fantasies. I am not saying that Lynx doesn't love you and you don't love her hence what I stated earlier about how me and my ex wife did love eachother and I believe that. But I believe now that no matter how much you love and care about your partner if you are not compatable it just isn't going to work, simple as that. Now here is the kicker... As I have stated my words are not hollow because I have been dating a girl now for 6 months and about a month into our realtionship I worked up the balls to spill my infantilism and you know what, she barely batted a fucking eye at it. Of course she has her own fetishes which probably "greased the wheels" so to speak but she didn't need no explaining, no research to understand it, none of this typical stuff partners who are repulsed by it seem to have to go through in order to "accept" it. She just got excited about it right off the bat and it didn't take long till we started indulging eachother's fantasies. But on the flip side of this I am learning that it takes more then a fulfillment of one another's desires to keep a relationship strong because unfortunatley we are on a hiatus right now do to other relationship problems but my point is is that compatability I believe is what it is all about! I wish the best for you 2 and if you 2's problems are that of which me and my ex wife went through then you guys spliting is really going to suck but in the end you 2 could find the relationship of your dreams else where. This is just a suggestion of course if you 2 want to reconsile and end up living happily ever after that is awesome too! Good luck Lynx and Normal P.S. Just in case any of yous reading this think I am resentful towards my ex wife for not accepting and fulfilling my infantilist desires you are dead wrong! Like I said we were compatable in a lot of areas just this area of infantilism and the bedroom in general we were not and it took that entire duration of the relationship to find out just how important our sex lives were to each other relationship requirements. So in no way can or do I blame her for being who she is or was or whatever, alright later

Good stuff TCC! Yeah I think it really helps that you 2 have a fetish, there for you both should understand just how important your desires are to one another. I feel this is a huge advantage because in my experience people who do not have fetishes of any sort just cannot possibly understand why we get off the way we get off. My ex-wife fell into this catagory and I won't get into that but I will just say that my girlfriend of 6 months now is an example of how short I was selling myself in that marriage. My girlfriend has quite a few I would say not so freaky to moderately freaky fetishes that she has felt shame for having in her past so thus why I feel my infantalism was so easily accepted by her. So being that I feel a crucial factor is already non-existant in your relationship all there is now is to not be selfish and get on the ball with working to make eachother happy! And if your dude pulls the whole "I need a diaper involved to have sex with you" schpeel then in my experience it is bull shit! I had this problem for the longest time with my ex-wife and I found that with practice I eventually grew to rock her world in the bedroom and I have carried that on to relationships there after. If you are going to work to be the best mommy you can be he MUST work to be the best sexually he can be for you! Or I can tell you you WILL be selling yourself short lady!

In short, I am an infantilist and my girlfriend who is the best mommy in the fucking world requires a very dominate man in the bedroom. She has fetishes but none to the degree of my infantilism, I will just say that it is very possible for both of you to be sexually happy in your relationship. Me and my girlfriend can easily go from me giving it to her sexually literally to the point of her quivering and unable to walk straight at the beginning of the night to her diapering me and rocking me to sleep by the end of the night. You guys just got to keep the faith and put in some honest work to fulfill one another's sexual happiness, it is very possible and it really just comes down to how much you 2 care about one another. Good Luck.

Yeah I had this problem for awhile too and I completely agree with Letluvsrool. My infantilism is very hardwired sexually but I found with some practice that I can completely enjoy myself sexually with a girl without infantilism being involved. It seems you (Topic Starter) and me got something in common on this one and I can tell you in my experience it doesn't happen overnight so don't get all stressed out and down on yourself if you can't perform to the ideal right away with her. If she truly cares about you she will be more then willing to try to understand the difficulty you are having with regular sexual intercourse and she will be patient but you are going to have to put the work in bud if you truly care for her and her sexual needs. And like Letluvsrool mentioned when all else fails mentally picturing her diapering you or something of the nature while having sexual intercourse with her can work wonders as well, ha ha I say all this assuming that she partakes in your fetish with you, if so then its very selfish of you to deny her her sexual needs but if she does not partake in your fetish for you I would question why you are in this relationship to begin with. That is all.

I am an ab/dl who is a firm believer in seeing a therapist if you have any "issues" what so ever with your infantilism. My work in therapy has done amazing stuff for me and my infantilism. I am not going to take the time to type that all out right here but if you have any questions on my experience please message me.

Thanx a lot for the congrats dudes, Yeah just got done spending all day with her and man this is just awesome so far. We are already experimenting with eachothers fetishes. We decided to take this one step at a time and would rather play it safer then sorry. So today she showed me just how hard she likes to have her hair pulled and just how hard to bite her neck while doing it and then I showed her just how I would like to be touched while being held by her. Man, I can't believe this is fucking happening! It is still extremely hard for my pessimistic mindset to take in. But yeah this just may be a sure thing.

Welp, I did it. This morning I just came to the realization that I will never have all of me truly invested in this relationship unless I tell her about my infantilism and so I did it. She appeared to be very accepting of it and my worst fear did not come true and she stated that in no way did she make any sort of connection between Infantilism and kids (she has a 2 year old son) so on that front I am greatly relieved. She also opened up to me that she has a fetish for pain and bloodplay but that's besides the point and is probably why my fetish appeared to be taken so lightly by her. Its much to early to tell how this will end up unfolding but I believe it has started on the right foot. But I have to remember that my ex-wife was very accepting of my infantilism in the beginning too and it did not take long for her to want absolutley nothing to do with it but then again my current girlfriend is a COMPLETELY different lady then my ex. I am really taken this thing on a one step at a time basis and am making absolutely sure I am not pressuring her in anyway with my infantilism but then again towards the end of our talk it sounds like I may have to start thinking about what possible bounderies I may have to consider when it comes to her fetishes. She stated to me after I finally puked it out about my infantilism that she considers her fetish much more extreme then mine which put in my awareness how we make stuff we see as wierd or not normal about ourselves the worst thing(s) imaginable, I had to laugh when I told her on a level of social acceptance I view my infantilism just as if not more extreme then her fetishes. Thanks to all who took the time to give me some advice in my previous thread, it is greatly appreciated and I wouldn't have had the courage to tell her as soon as I did without you

Right on tris. Yeah I guess I got a little sensetive there. yeah no hard feelings and thanx for the heads up. Yes, women can be extremely deceiving, my ex-wife is a perfect example. She was very accepting of my infantilism in the beginning and then out of no where it just turned on her and she became a fucking bitch over the deal. Of course I didn't help any by pushing the issue on her constantly, my infantilism alone didn't cause the marriage to end we had our classic relationship issues but I am just glad I bailed on her when I did. I was definitely selling myself short. My current girlfriend is a perfect example of what is possible for me. Just trying to prepare for the one thing that could very possibly start the downward spiral going in our relationship. But we will see.

and damn tris I just re-read your message and I am going to tell you sure, go ahead and be a keyboard warrior and talk as much shit on me as you like but please save some dignity for yourself and leave my girlfriend out of it, you have no idea who my girlfriend is, that's pretty low dude. You never know man, maybe the mommy of your dreams is a mom herself but because of your absolute fear of dating a woman with kids you will be doomed to never meet her.

New Guy 20: Well its a therapist not a psychiatrist big difference, therapist helps you explore and deal with yourself. Psychiatrist basically listens to your problems to see what hot new Anti-depressant to prescribe you. Since my infantilism is purely sexual, I see a very open minded sex therapist. But the thing here is that I am not planning on telling my girlfriend with expectations of her participating in it, just to be totally honest. Sure I would love to have her mommy me every so often but if I have learned anything from my prior relationship is that I absolutely cannot let my infantilist desires get in the way of a relationship with my significant other. If this is to much of a sacrifice for some of you out there that's fine keep on your path and more power to you (tris). But I have just reached a point in my life where I realized that being afraid of exposing my infantilism kept me a very lonely guy for most my life. And I have learned the more secretive and the more I shame myself for my infantilism the stronger and more powerful it gets because it becomes all I have to fall back onto to temporary cure me of the instinctful need for love, nurturing, comfort and sexual release you know all that good shit that those "normies" get out of there relationships. I AM SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF LETTING MY INFANTILISM DICTATE MY LOVE RELATIONS WITH WOMEN! So I am just living in the moment here and if the time arises then I am going for it, I am letting her know. I have come a long way in therapy since my split and eventual divorce from my ex-wife for which my un-checked infantilism on my part was a major player in why that relationship fell apart. I don't even know if I will ever have to tell my current girlfriend cause so far I have not had an honest desire to have her baby me, sure I have thought about it but I have learned through work with my therapists, (I have 2 by the way, long story) that in spite myself I have found that I can get many desires met from women now a days that acting out with my infantilism used to provide, except its real with my girlfriend not imagined like when acting out with my infantilism. PLEASE IF SOME OF YOU ARE TAKING THIS AS ME TALKING SHIT ON INFANTILISM YOU ARE WRONG!!! INFANTILISM IS A BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL THING. I am just not sure if I need it anymore, its more along the lines of if I want it in my life anymore. Its like as a result of being honest with myself and my therapists and doing some serious work on myself my infantilism has lost a ton of the power it once had over me, almost to a point where I can control it and it doesn't control me anymore. Sure I still desire a woman to baby me every so often but I just don't think I need it to be happy or satisfied in a relationship, you dig what I am saying? But time will tell and I thank all of you again for your feed back. And New guy 20: Sorry if this is a let down but after thinking about it the only concrete thing my therapist really told me was that if I tell my girlfriend and she freaks out or has any questions about infantilism to set up a session with her for me and my girlfriend to come in so she, my therapist can have my back to any questions my girlfriend may have.

Thanks for the replies. There has been a lot of great stuff said. Yeah I am not planning on telling her right away cause I don't feel the time is right, its just that this is the most down ass chic I have met and I see there could be a very happy future here so of course the mind gets spinning and so I just curiously decided to ask for some feedback. Thanx for that reality check sarah_ab, I often forget how we can be our own worst critics when it comes to being AB/DL. Yeah being a diaper lover is sexual for me but I am not even concerned with that part of it right now, I will just cross that bridge when it comes. I have been working with a therapist for a ahwile now on how being AB/DL individualy effects me. I know now that there is nothing wrong with me and what I do, I know that if this girl were to reject me over it it would most definitely be her loss. I am just hot for this chic and don't want to do anything to fuck this thing up with her so I am just being cautious and attempting to be as prepared as possible for that inevitable day that I tell her. But yeah so far so good, we will see how it unfolds.

Alright its that time again and I have found myself in a relationship with a awesome woman and would like some suggestions on how to tell her about me being AB/DL I ain't a rookie at telling a signficant other about my fetish but this time its different because this is the first woman I have been with who has a child. She has a 2 year old son. I am pretty confident that she would accept me and not think any differently of me if I told her but I am just scared to death of her thinking I am some pedophile and that I may put her son in danger. God, it would fucking suck if she went that route with it. We have been nothing but honest with eachother and she knows everything about me except this fetish. I have talked with my therapist about this situation and she gave me some helpful suggestions. I am just curious about what you guys have to say about this scenerio to help prepare me for when I actually do go through with it. Thanx, you all kick ass!

Yeah really why couldn't it be anyone of those dumb attention whores that of died? Yeah my favorite album is a toss up between "World Coming Down" and "Slow Deep and Hard". Its like sure "Bloody Kisses" and "October Rust" has all the classics on them but for me "World Coming Down" is just so dark and depressing and plus Peter just hits me right between the eyes with every lyric on that album. "Slow Deep and Hard" is awesome just because of its rawness and its also an album that Peter was just on fire with lyrically, plus its got my favorite Type O song on that album "Unsuccessfully Coping With the Natural Beauty of Infidelity" (I Know Your Fucking Somebody Else). I will miss the man and the band. It still sucks to think about it.

Right on man! Glad to see you were a fan too! Yeah it sucks, the man was one of my heroes. Everything from his lyrics and music to his brutally honest persona were very inspiring to me. I heard the news of the morning it was press released and man I couldn't believe it, it was so unexpected, he was only 48! Yeah the first thing I did when I heard the news I just popped in Bloody Kisses and cranked that fucker up! After that I popped in October Rust and I tell you man when the chorus of "Love You to Death" kicked in I just start crying man. Something about the feel and emotion of that song just knocked something lose in me and that's when I realized that the world of music lost a true talent and personality that day. Peter Steele was just so real in his lyrics and interviews, I don't see how anybody couldn't respect the shit out of him about that. I wore my one and only Type O shirt for a week straight in honor of the man (I washed it once in the middle of that week so it didn't smell that bad after the week was over, ha ha) One creepy thing about his death I will mention was that he died 3 years to the date of the last time I got to see Type O live. Rest in Peace Peter Steele, YOU WERE THE FUCKING MAN! Stay negative bro

Good Topic T.S. I came into this thread a little late so hopefully you get to my response. Anyway yeah I have experienced both extremes of the spectrum when it comes to therapists and my infantilism. I haven't seen an offical Psycholigists and I don't know why the hell you would take what a Psychiatrist thinks of you seriously because they just basically diagnose and prescribe drugs for mental illness. But anyway my first two Sex Therapists I seen about my infantilism condemned me for it, labeled me a sex addict and suggested I go to Sex Addicts Anonymous for my infantilism. I got a so-so therapist after that and she really helped me for a short duration and eventually pointed me in the right direction. Which led me to the Therapist I see every so often now. She is a kink-friendly Therapist and actually encourages the practice of the fetish. My current therapist says that as long as we aren't letting our desires rule our lives, this includes shameing our selves for our desires, and we aren't forcing it upon other people we are totally cool. So like others have said its really 50/50. You just have to shop around till you know for sure what you want to persue with your desires/fetish. Because I think that's where a lot of us who want to learn more about the nature of our desires/fetishes go wrong. We go into these sessions with these "professionals" expecting them to either cure us or give us all the answers. When it really doesn't work that way. When we go into these therapy sessions with that mind set its really a crap-shoot on what you are going to get from the Therapist because you are giving them the control to dictate what you should do. I suggest you think long and hard about what you want to do with your desires/fetshes and what you want to do with/about them before seeing anybody, that why you are in control of the sessions and can really get the most out of them by not only finding the specific type of therapist you want to work with but once you find them you can jump right in and really start breaking ground on the mysteries of your desires/fetishes. That's my experience anyway.

No hate to anybody who may fall in this catagory but I am with this guy.

Actually going to see a therapist by yourself might just be the right way to go. I guess I really attached my experience/form of infantilism to my suggestions. Meaning that sure we all here have infantilism but it really effects all of us in many different ways. The more you explore and communicate with folks on these boards you will understand what I mean. So saying that, if you were to go to see a therapist by yourself you could get the start on it and over some time working with the therapist you would know for sure whether your wife should even get involved or not. So its actually a win/win because either you work on yourself a bit and find out you don't need your wife to be apart of it or you work on yourself a bit and find out for sure if she needs to be apart of the therapy. If your wife ends up needing to be apart of it then you will have had plenty of time to know for sure what to tell her or what to work on with her in a therapy session. Plus by this time the therapist will be very familiar with your situation and will be totally prepared for the couples session and there really is no better way for your wife to feel as comfortable as she can discussing the infantilism then with a professional in the room. My history with therapy over my infantilism is very long. You may not be able to relate to any of it but I will type it out just for the sake that it might be of value to you in some way. I will try to make this as brief as possible, my brand of infantilism is of the sexual variety. My greatest sexual fantasy is just being diapered by a "mommy" and treated as a baby and then eventually "sexually relieved" and that's about it. So I first started off with a sex therapist that was like our worst nightmare, the bitch was gung ho on proving to me that I was a sex addict and that my infantilism needed to be abolished. Yeah bad experience. This is the reason why I mentioned in my last post that you should do a little homework before making a decision on a therapist and not just jump right into it like I did. But the good thing about it was was that it was my foot in the door and I found out that the theraputic views in the sexual department is pretty much a spectrum. I just happen to start off with the "conservative" position so to speak. I then start working with another therapist who wasn't a licensed sex therapist but she was very familiar with the field and this was the therapist I worked with on and off for like 3 years. I could type a novel about the experience but I will just say through lots of work on myself and my infantilism, especially over the past 6 months since me and my wife split, we totally dissected my infantilism and I mean dissected the hell out of it. And then a couple of months ago we came to a real stand still in my therapy and she decided that I should try out another therapist. So she reffered me to a licensed sex therapist who is actually a kink/fetish friendly sex therapist. And my therapy right now consists of me truly accepting my infantilism by continuosly working on all the issues that I have discovered that are tied in to the shame aspect I have lived with my whole life over my infantilism. As well as working on the sexual insecurities I have always had with women not only because of my form of infantilism but because of... well we will just say because of a whole shit ton of other stuff I have discovered over the years in therapy. So I guess you could say that now I am exploring the "liberal" side of the sex therapy spectrum. And so far this seems to be the right way to go for me. But my point to all of this is that I could not have possibly gotten to where I am at with my infantilism without the therapy and all that has been revealed and discovered about myself as a result. I will also add that my wife who was very unaccepting about my infantilism did attend a few therapy sessions towards the beginning of all of this but unless one of us was willing to budge on our stance, me wanting to keep my infantilism and have her be apart of it and her stance was not having anything to do with it and I could only partake in it when she was not around, nothing much could get accomplished in a couples therapy but that's just my experience and it doesn't mean that it would work out that way for you. So I guess I write all of this because I know the god awful torture of living with infantilism while not understanding it within myself or having any sort of control over it and how that combo can be like a tornado through a relationship with a loved one. So if you happen to be feeling this way I hope this info helps you because you getting any sort of relief or answers out of just one sentence I have typed makes it totally worth the hour it took to type this. So good luck man and personal message me if you happen to have any more questions about the therapy side of things.

That's Awesome BackinDiapers! Now you are talking! Braindrill, Origin and Beneath the Massacre are just some of the most brutal shit ever. You have come a ways from Nile in a short amount of time. Right on!

Come on man, there is more to life then just being a baby! Express your damn opinion! Let us have it! Practice your first amendment right before the majority of this nation cowardly hands that over to our government in the name of some other big crisis that they the government has to "defend" us from, ha ha!

Yes, in the big picture this is the way I see it too. But I figure I will hang in there and go with what stance I believe in till I am utterly sure for myself that we are absolutely powerless towards our out of control, tyrannical government. Time will tell for me, ha ha.

I didn't take the time to read all the posts so it might have been mentioned already but my suggestion is seek counseling. Sure you may be being a little selfish with sneaking around on the boards here and trying to connect with the only people in the world that you can relate to. But she is being selfish in not letting you be who you are. This is just the beginning... you 2 took an oath by getting married and it would be a shame that a 19 year marriage fell apart do to the constant misunderstandings going on between you two and this infantilism. I suggest having a serious talk with your wife about seeing a counselor to help sort this stuff out and to truly understand where the both of you are coming from. I also suggest to not just go to any marriage therapist/counselor but to seek out some that specialize in the particular field of where the both you believe the true source of the problems lie. Like is infantilism a result of childhood trauma? Then you might need to see a counselor that is familiar with that. Is the infantilism sexual? Well you might need to find a counselor who is familiar with that department. I lost a marriage and a big part of my side of the street of why it ended was because of how ingorant and selfish I was with my infantilism. Also with how unable I was to communicate to my wife about it. If these last 2 sentences don't make any sense to you then its all the more reason you need to get a professional wrapped up in this! Take it from me cause you are not going to get this suggestion from many on these boards. If I was doing the intense therapy I have been doing the past 6 months during my marriage things might have turned out very differently and I might just still be married. That's my 2 cents, take it or leave it.

Ha hA, good one.

And yes sdsddlr! keep the posts up we need more action here! me and my man Necare can't carry this thread alone, ha ha!

That damn Obscura "Cosmogenesis" album keeps finding its way into my cd player. God,Satan,Buddha I love this fucking album! One day I will know my way around a 6 string fretless bass like Mr. Thesseling, Mark My Words!

But I will add that the majority of this nation got duped into giving up a shit ton of their rights in the name of "Homeland Security" with the Patriot Act, so yeah Bill of Rights? who gives a shit about that?