Lynx

A side note to bring you guys up to speed. So far, I have become much more comfortable with it. I have even stared doing it with him, both sexually and not sexually. It's become a fun little secret we can share in. I'm still having difficulties with him wanting to wear around me, without me involved, but I am becoming alright with the idea of him wearing to bed. We will see where this goes, our relationship is amazing. WE get through it all

So are you saying we should compromise? Or cut it off? Because that's what I'm trying to do here but its becoming more of me just giving him what he wants. I'm happy to live with him wearing around me at times, but in moderation simply because that's the compromise, neither of us gets exactly what we need, but we make it work to satisfy each of us. I feel like if he opens his eyes and gets what you are saying then we can work through this. But the immaturity as tcc put it, is making me fear that he's never going to grow up. I'm glad someone who is also into his stuff sees it this way. The sad part is lately he's been fighting for wanting it all and basically threatening me that we will have to break it off if he doesn't get that. Without any sort of compromise. And my compromise involves him getting a bit of what he wants, but also a bit if what I want. I no longer feel its fair to force him to do it alone, I feel that if he needs it he should do it. But the constant pressure I get yang fair, I've been clear on what I'm comfortable with, simply occasional (half and half) sex and his occasional wearing when he needs it. I just don't feel like this is so much to ask for. It breaks my heart that he's prepared to toss me aside because he can't get every thing he wants. It really stings, I've been a mess about this and I fear his inability to grow up (as tcc put it) and compromise, like the adults that we are, is going to throw this all away. I can't relive it,

Diapers4Me said: "But it is all about balance and communication, and I'm glad to see you are both talking about this".

I'm at the point where I'm trying to be ok with Normal wearing diapers when he needs to. It's like I'm not ready to throw this all away over diapers. Also I feel it is fair to have boundaries, am I wrong here? It feels as though we can both have what we need and be happy. I feel as though in Normals search for self acceptance he is forgetting about me and that relationships involve two people with equally important needs andv wants. I get and have witnessed that if he wears a diaper it helps him stay happy. The idea that he wants to wear them for the hell of it is a part I see as something he can do without me. I can be supportive of his stress relief but feel appropriate boundaries can include his "just for fun" on his own. He has been telling me that because diapers are an issue we don't have true love, he has said we aren't ready for marriage and that basically we are doomed unless I become comfortable with the diapers, at times its like he is saying we aren't meant to be just because I also don't have a diaper fetish. See I have loved him while still knowing about the diapers and when he did it solo. His new realization is his need for the freedom to do it, and I'm saying I can get there but even when I'm there, is it not a good compromise to respect the boundaries I have? I feel like I'm losing my voice while he is screaming out I LOVE DIAPERS AND I WANT YOU TO TOO.. I can respect that he likes them, I just need him to respect I do not and use discretion and tact while still having the chances in our private home to do what he's gotta do. The fact is although this diaper thing is a big part if him, its not the only thing about him. I just need to know that he will respect my needs while I'm respecting his. So, at what point can I draw the line with who I and what I believe in? I feel diapers are wasteful and do not think they should be unnecessarily used and disposed of. I also think this can be perfectly satisfied in private, like at home or if he desires out in public but I won't tag along. I feel a potential child shouldn't have to participate and this can remain private. I just feel that as adults we have to learn that life isn't always going to give us exactly what we want, although I never wanted a guy who liked to wear diapers I have fallen so deeply in love with one that I am gong the miles to accept it. But when he tells me he wants everything he wants and doesn't take into any consideration my needs, I feel lost and alone in this. I feel like I don't really know this person at all and that scares the crap outta me Relationships involves two people, the two people both have needs, andc both deserve to feel comfortable. So if we can make a compromise and remember that deep down, there is something special here then I know we will be just fine. But if one of the two is going to push the other out if their comfort level then this won't work.

Let me just clarify, I do wear them for him and I don't mind that he likes diapers. I have come along way since first finding out and now I just feel that his leisurely wearing can be done in private. There is nothing wrong with what he is doing, it's just not something I feel should be forced upon other people especially when they are uncomfortable. We do live together and have for a while, this has been our arrangement since day one but over time I have learned to accept it and understand this isn't something that will go away. I do possibly see a future where he can do it in another room, say the office when he's working on something and I'm downstairs working on something or I'm out. The idea of his just wearing them to bed or around the house is something I don't ever see being okay with. I feel that his desire to wear them is a private thing, much like masturbation or looking at diaper pornography. Now you wouldn't start rubbing off at the dinner table or watching diaper porn on the tv while friends were over, not that there is anything wrong with the two there is just a time and place for them, not always exactly when you want to but the time comes around... I just think understanding boundaries is something that will come in time.

Yes I care, he can wear them when I'm not around all he wants... he knows how to practice self control and it's not like he'll go too long without a chance to scratch that itch. I feel that this is fair and once he stops throwing the tantrum and realizes we all can't get everything we want all the time, think we will be ok.

Well we have talked, lots. It's now me saying I'm not comfortable with it when I'm around, its perfectly fine when I'm at work or out. We do it sexually for him sometimes. He says he wants to be able to do it infront of me anytime he feels like it, I figure he can respect my own needs know I love him and practice a bit of self control. In this world we don't always get what we want, and practing self control but still having time for your "thing" seems like w fair option. I was just curious if this seems way outta line or if its a fait compromise.

So I have a quick question, Is it fair to compromise to have him wear alone? I have no problem with it when it's not done with me, is it fair to ask that he respects me and does it on his own time?

Ok so I have worn them for him. I did first before I was ready then got completely freaked out and tried to change him. After a while and lots of researching and seeing a councilor who specializes in this sort of thing, well in alternative fetishes/life styles/desires etc. I learned to accept it. I also began talking to my boyfriend more and more about it. I started listening to him and I quit making assumptions about it. He told me he wears them for fun, they are sometimes a comfort and that yes he uses them. Ok fair enough. I now know he's not into being an adult baby (something I definitely don't want) and he doesn't get weird when he does it. He is just him but enjoys diapers. It was really a big step when I realized this about him. I realized that what I was so afraid of actually wasn't what he is into at all. He doesn't even do it that often, he does it sometimes when I'm not home and when he needs to, times of stress and such. The communication was something we lacked and once we opened up, we grew as a couple. So I'm now at a point where I am comfortable wearing them occasionally for him, it's always a sexual thing. I have even put them on him as part of his fantasy. I'm comfortable with that now, but not all the time. I want non-diaper sex too. A little of what I like and a little of what he likes. I think that is a compromise, and it is a good one. As far as just hanging out in them, he does that when I'm not around. He would like friends who he can talk about it with and we are moving to a larger city with a pretty huge population of these DL interest people. This is another compromise, I cannot give him the total indulgent DL lifestyle, because that is not me. So he can find people to do that with. But from what I have gathered there are many variations to being a diaper lover. The way my boyfriend is isn't something that scares me anymore because I have realized it's part of him yes, but he's also so much more and he has said that it's not all diapers all the time, it's just sometimes. The way some of you talk is like you wear them a lot, and you're proud. I thank you for your input but as far as my boyfriend has told me, he doesn't desire it all the time. I just figure we have found our middle ground, neither of us is getting screwed over and at the same time we are both getting a bit of what we want. It's a compromise, it's understanding where to draw the line. It is a fantasy, a dream and an escape. It's unrealistic to live in the fantasy 24/7 although I'm sure some of you may. But with the way my boyfriend and I live our lives, it's just not possible nor does it seem to really be something he wants. I'm just going off our many hours of discussion about this. I figure as long as the compromise allows both parties to be happy then it's a good compromise. Anyways, that was a bit all over the place. I just needed to clarify things. Since I first posted to now a lot has changed. I definitely agree that professional help is good and I have talked with people about it. There are things about me that held me back from understanding him better. So I am working on myself. I actually have a psych degree but the things they teach you hardly touch on the topic of diaper fantasies, so that is why I came here. Hopefully the way things are for us will be good for the future.

WetterGuy Thanks, I have accepted it, it's still weird though. All I ask, because he is NOT incontinent, is that he does it when I'm not around. I work shit work, this allows him with time. I agree, it's a compromise. He's not full blow 24/7 diaper fanatic, but he likes them and they comfort him.

Well thanks for the post I guess. I'm sorry but something like this isn't going to ruin our relationship. We are both capable of growth and change and we see a future. Any relationship, if truly involving two people who love each other, is capable of compromise. We are completely made for each other with one issue on our hands, an issue of great importance, yes I see that. But I'm not asking him to change. It is not a matter that I will become comfortable with over night but it will take time. I am prepared to work on this for him, because he is amazing. Truly an amazing person. As helpful as you have been, I hope to prove you wrong. I mean this is in a nice way.

I guess I should clarify details, although your replies are helpful. I was told at the beginning of our relationship but the way he explained it was much different than it turned out to be. I had no idea what it even was. At first it was a private thing he didn't go into details. It sounded like he was trying to get over it and so I figured I could help him, show him love and it would go away. I was wrong. We have been together for years and over time I've learned more about it. I went from being very unsupportive and uncomfortable to being okay with it. Although still not wanting it to be apart of my daily life. In a sexual sense I'm a bit more lenient, as I too have out of the norm sexual desires that I will unleash in bed but nowhere else. He has told me he uses them for number 1, he would like to wear them all day everyday, he likes to sleep in them and would like to wear them when I'm here but cant't. It is definitely the way he tells me that is causing problems, like I'm not allowing it like some bossy mother. I want to love him and accept him for who he is, but I genuinely dislike diapers, I always have. The look, smell, feel, everything about them really makes me feel uneasy. So essentially the exact OPPOSITE of what he feels. And I have worn them to try and understand, I have even used one to try and understand but it's just not my thing. I do love him and have learned to accept this thing about him that won't go away. This doesn't change how I feel about him, he's a great person. I just don't want to partake in daily diaper wearing. He will talk about it as though I'm not letting him do it, instead of taking a look at my feelings about them and that I just don't share the same likes. It feels like he doesn't see the whole picture, that I love him for him I just simply don't like diapers. I guess I am writing here to try and see what will come of it. I tried to look around but the whole ab/dl thing really doesn't interest me at all. I just wonder if he can accept diapers in the bed once in a while is all I will be for him or if he's going to be miserable with me and constantly telling me how I'm not where he would like me to be in the issue while making me feel inadequate. We are currently down a road where he seems to be obsessing constantly about diapers but has been in search of friends with a common interest to engage in. He has said that he was being unfair by expecting I will become a dl too and has apologized. The thing is he still does it, he still makes it out that I'm not allowing something, as though he is not fully understanding the middle ground I thought we reached. I do believe there is a middle ground, which would be where we are now but with him accepting I will never just wear a diaper or have him wear a diaper while we at home cooking dinner. I want talk to him about it, I would rather he just confided in me because I am here to listen, I am supportive but to him because I won't wear/take part in wearing I'm not. But sexually, it will happen and when I'm not around it will happen. I just hope this is enough.

I have come to this site because other sites are full of very mean and closed minded people who tell me awful things. So I am very in love with my boyfriend, he likes diapers and I don't. I have become okay with the fact that he will wear them when I'm not around but I still don't want to know about it. I feel that that is something that can be done alone and I don't need to take part. I just don't like them, I really don't. He has been getting progressively more defensive about them and it seems to be all he is talking about lately. I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't share that interest and would prefer not to. Why can't he accept that? In the past I have agreed to it while we are having sex, for his pleasure, but as soon as I did he started suggesting that I would also accept him doing it in front of me or even suggested us doing them together. This drove me to drop the idea of diapers all together because I do not want anything to do with them and the sex was strictly for his enjoyment. Now I want to go back to possibly doing it for him during sex but that is all I will do but I am afraid it will progress again. The way he talks about them just makes me feel weird all together. His diaper obsession has seemed to grow lately, and he talks about it more like it's his identity now and that I must accept it if I accept him. Meaning that I would have to start accepting him doing it. I disagree but am curious what others think. Is our relationship going to dissolve because I will never like diapers and he will never stop? Or is there a possibility that he can find his time to be enough, maybe have friends who he can do it with/talk about it with without me having to know details. I love him, I don't have a problem with him having a side interest that does not involve me but I am afraid that this won't be enough for him.