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Found 711 results

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  5. Sara

    I have a couple if unfinished stories here. I've come to a sort of block with them. My way of working through that is to diversify with another short story. This is one of those. Chapter 1 Although she was alone in the house this Saturday morning, Sara glanced left and right before pausing, and clicking with her slim finger on the link on the news page displayed on the laptop on the kitchen bench. She knew Jim was at the hardware store, but she still felt a kind of nervousness. She took a deep breath, and began to look at the site. Sara was 34, happily married, and they were generally doing well. 'They' was her and Jim, her handsome husband. Life was good, except for one thing. Sara stared at the images on the site. That the images even had meaning for her now was a measure of the situation. She wiped an unbidden tear from her flawless cheek, and then stared out through the kitchen window to where her lovely little Alfa Romeo, now sold, used to be parked. Then the doorbell rang. Sara's fingers went to the crotch of her track pants, and briefly rested there before she closed the page and left the kitchen. Then she felt behind at the top of her thighs for the little wings of dark damp that occasionally appeared despite her precautions. Sometimes, increasingly lately, she wet a little without realising it. Some weeks ago, she had started using sanitary pads, which she despised, every day, She'd managed to hide that from Jim. She had felt as embarrassed for him as she did for herself when it happened at a barbecue recently. Luckily, the only other person to notice was kind enough to take Sara aside and let her know. They left immediately, with Sara in apologetic tears and Jim being kind and understanding as always. She'd gone to the doctor again after that, and had received sympathy but no hope for change. The condition was what it was, as Jim had told her. They had so much else that was good and to be thankful for. None of that made Sara feel much better about herself. 34 years old, fit, successful, and having to scope wherever they went for the nearest bathroom. And checking her crotch and bottom for dampness when the doorbell rang. It was a woman doing a survey. Sara dealt with her as politely as she could, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. 'Thank you,' she said at last, closed the front door, and had to run to the bathroom. She knew what was happening as she got to the door. Involuntarily, she gave a short moan and sat on the toilet. There was no time to do anything else. She began crying as she sat, pissing her panties and track pants and listening to her pee cascading into the toilet bowl. She heard the front door opening. 'Hi darling!' Jim called. 'Who was that?' She heard Jim walk into the kitchen. 'Honey?' he said loudly. 'In here, in the bathroom,' she replied keeping her voice as steady as she could. She must have failed in that, because a moment later she heard Jim's voice outside the door. 'Are you ok?' he asked. 'Yep,' she replied, her voice breaking. There was a silence. 'Honey...' Jim said. Sara could hear the kindness and concern in his voice. 'I'm OK, Jim,' she said. Another short silence. 'I love you, honey,' Jim said. 'Just say if you need help.' Sara nodded, then felt silly, since Jim couldn't see her. 'Mm,' she managed. 'OK,' replied Jim. There was another brief silence, and she heard his footsteps retreating. Sara stood up. Her track pants and undies were saturated. Carefully, she pulled them down together to her thighs, and removed the sodden pad from the panties. She turned and dropped it into the bowl, then unrolled some toilet paper, carefully wiped her crotch and flushed the toilet. She kicked off her shoes and stepped out of her wet pants, then bunched them up and put them in the laundry basket in the room. There was no point in trying to hide what had happened. She would either have to face Jim in soaked pants or come clean, as it were. It wasn't the first time this had happened, and as before, she was glad to have an excuse of sorts. She picked up her shoes and walked pantless into the living room to find Jim. It was awful, she knew that, and tried to banish the weird, erotic little buzz she was feeling. She'd felt that before when something similar had happened. It was a mixture of exhibitionism, which was not part of her personality, and extreme and even strangely exciting vulnerability. She knew how much she needed Jim. She felt helpless. She'd begun shaving her crotch for hygiene since all this started, and facing Jim without any pubic hair felt odd, but exciting. She stood next to the chair he sat in, and despite her intention of explaining what had happened, she found herself crying again and unable to speak. 'Poor baby,' said Jim gently as Sara moved in front of him and collapsed into his arms. 'You couldn't help it, could you?' he asked in his strong, caring voice. Sara shook her head, and gave herself up to his embrace. To be continued
  6. Alisha

    Hi! My name is Alisha and I’m still in diapers. My story with diapers starts from the day I was born, one cold February morning 34 years ago. You see, I was born normal in every way except as I passed through my toddler years, I would still have night time accidents. Doctors reassured my parents time and time again that my bed wetting would stop and the best way to handle it was to use protection at night. Luckily for my parents I grew up when disposable diapers were changing from thick bulky load diapers to slim cute quiet diapers and I loved everything about it. When I reached high school age, my pediatrician referred us off to a urologist which again checked out normal and I was pretty much left with a diagnosis of being a lifetime bedwetter. I think wearing diapers to bed every night have me a childish personality. I am not certain if it was the baby motifs on the diapers, my favorite being Barney or Cookie Monster, or the smell of baby powder, but something about having that diaper on made me want to be a baby. It’s kind of funny to me looking back at it, I was never embarrassed to run around the house in a T-shirt and a diaper on a hot summer night or even a wet diaper the next morning. However, I was embarrassed about anyone knowing that I had a pacifier and baby bottle I kept hidden in my room and would use every night when the house went to sleep. I definitely was not your average teenage girl and because of that I never dated in high school. When I reached college things changed. My freshman year I left home and went to school across the state. I was really excited to be out on my own but really scared to see how my diapered nights would go. Luckily for me, I had grown out of the largest baby diapers before college happened and Goodnites were just coming available. I figured this was a great translation as it would be easier explaining to my dormmate that I had to wear bedtime pants and not an actual baby diaper to bed. My roommate, Danielle, was super nice and fun. She was an out of state student and didn’t really know anyone at school so we became friends very quick. I was hesitant to tell her about my bed wetting when we met, which I think any normal person would have been, but knew she would find out sooner or later. Sooner or later turned out to be the second night in our dorm. I had finished showering, dried off, pulled my Goodnite on, and gotten ready for bed wearing a pink pair of flannel pajama pants and a purple tank top but I had failed to realize after getting dressed I had left my Goodnite package on my bed. Danielle had walked into the room from the bathroom and noticed it right away. Danielle was quick to ask about it, and I told her that I had wet the bed my whole life and these helped from dealing with the mess that brings with it. She took it well but seemed very curious. She said she had never heard of Goodnites before, were they diapers? I said kind of, they’re new, and they’re for bigger kids and smaller adults. She asked what I used before Goodnites and for the first time ever I blushed when I told her Pampers. She noticed that it embarrassed me but quickly said, hey, I would wear those over these boring plain pull on diapers any day. She told me to not be embarrassed about it and that it didn’t bother her at all.
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    From the album Diaper Pictures (ME)

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    From the album Diaper Pictures (ME)

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    From the album Diaper Pictures (ME)

  10. So my Daddy and I are in a long-distance relationship. I’m his baby and I am very new to this. I have always been a submissive and have always been a little, and have had a couple of Daddies, one full-time. I’m going to go to my Daddy for guidance and have Him help me, but I wanted to see if anyone here could give me any advice on how to handle it when I’m alone, and I won’t be seeing him for months at least. Please help! Thank you and lotsa loves, babynikki
  11. Fuzzy-Babies

    Fuzzy-Babies It was a cold hand this morning. Fingers drew circles on his naked tummy in wide, soft touches that got smaller and smaller only to then spiral out again. For Biccy it was a wonderful feeling. He kicked his legs and gurgled in the joy such a simple act gave. Fingers fluttered over his skin intermittently touching the exposed soft crinkly top of his night time protection. The normal movement during his sleep making the slinky plastic pants drawdown a small way, giving a tantalising band of fluffy diaper an opportunity to be appreciated. The man with the inquisitive finger lying behind him, letting out a small sigh of gratification. For them it was the ultimate indulgence; to be able to control such an amenable body, to give that sweet squirming ‘baby’ a purpose it simply didn’t understand. Biccy was barely awake though the pleasure those fingers produced was undeniable and he loved the way the warm body hugged him close as those swirling patterns continued. He wriggled in delight; his thick diaper and smooth slippery plastic pants making him feel warm, safe and secure… it was the only clothing he wore to sleep in. An occasional light squeeze and gentle pressure on his hairless flat stomach made him let loose his full bladder and fill his diaper with a copious amount of warm, golden fluid that left a glow of utter contentment in his befuddled brain. More gurgles, more giddy feelings rippling through his body. As his disposable expanded, those joyful, searching fingers would gently stroke the front of his bulging plastic pants. Deep underneath the layers of waterlogged fabric his tiny cock, hidden in its small metal cage, would awaken from its slumber. That tender touch, those probing digits, the soft whispered words of loving encouragement, whilst the back of his neck was smothered in tiny butterfly kisses, produced an instant response. He couldn’t get hard, that had been denied him for quite some time, although the total sensitivity of his body delivered release. He wriggled in ecstasy as chemical and hormonal pulses gripped and tore around his body charging each nerve with the need for action. He’d moan lightly, gurgle in excitement and catch his breath as his tiny member erupted deep into the folds of the sodden fabric. He had no idea why this happened but it was a regular occurrence and his body tingled with the energy these encounters produced. The soft touch of those loving, massaging hands would continue to effortlessly caress the silky front of his plastic pants until, exhausted from his explosion, he’d slip back into the realms of sleep. Some mornings the hand was warm but whichever it was, the flowing, light stimulus always produced the same result – a soaked and sticky diaper. # The Columbus Irvin Institute (CII) was way ahead of any other company in the field of bio/digital algorithms. Their research had been made so much easier by the fact that so many people, from a very young age, lived their lives online. The Institute launched study after study via social media, where their detailed algorithms could locate and feedback information on a specific subject in just a matter of moments. They could profile and discern all the information needed for a particular study simply from a check of information available online - everything from photographs, person details and ‘private’ data. Nothing was really all that private and with the inherent weaknesses in most computer systems, a robust procedure like the one CII used made sure that whatever they required was harvested quickly and efficiently, often without the server or ‘target’ being any the wiser. They could pinpoint their research to location, specific characteristics, ethnic group, eye colour if need be, or go on a phishing expedition, scan the Network and grab all the information they might need. Although this method was rarely used as the parameters of their clients were often very precise. When the appropriate statistics required had been reached a further, more advanced, sophisticated procedure was employed to read the collated information and reduce that number down to specifics. The digital scanners employed could read facial expressions, interpret styles of writing and even decipher coded entries, which would in turn punch out the allocated reference of those suitable subjects for whatever process CII had been commissioned to perform. It was unknown for CII not to come up with the goods requested. Their efficiency was legendary, methods impeccable, speed and options incomparable and with a 100% success and satisfaction rating. # The Build-A-Bear company had been the inspiration, although perhaps sadly, weren’t actually involved with the Fuzzy-Babies concept. Whereas, Build-A-Bear was involved in toys, Fuzzy-Babies dealt with a more human component. Assisted by the global immenseness of CII, The Fuzzy-Babies executives were a strange and devious group of people. They targeted the youthful, good-looking, often athletic school and college kids around the world and by various means - flattery, blackmail, fear, drugs or kidnap (to name a few) were able to cull a great many youngsters from educational establishments. The missing were never pursued with any great vigour because as they were kids or teenagers it was assumed they were rebelling against something and would turn up when good and ready. The company had become adept at laying well-planned false trails and bogus intent. All the kids disappeared into a black hole that no one knew was there. Once identified, captured and isolated they were swiftly added to the system and transformed into the company’s ‘property’. There was no consultation, no explanation and certainly no reversing the process. Really, the moment they’d been categorized as what the company wanted, they were quickly and effectively processed. # The new mind-altering drugs (Corprol X17) that each new influx of young, potential Fuzzy-Babies undertook was, as far as the company was concerned, the pinnacle of their achievement. They could take a robust teenager and in just a matter of hours, reduce him or her into a babbling baby. For them and their clients it was a joy to behold as a succession of clever, sporty, intelligent adolescents were so easily transformed into marketable implements of the Fuzzy-Babies Company (FBC). So, what started as a niche interest (although it has to be said, it was still a pretty large community), grew to the organisation it is today and where, for the correct price and love of all things fuzzy, you can play with, enjoy the company of or, if you have the funds needed, adopt and own a Fuzzy-Baby. # The many hands that reached in to change, clean, dress or cuddle were attached to people the babies only knew as ‘Mama’. They didn’t know if they were male or female, friend or stranger, it made no difference, they were there to make sure all Fuzzy-Babies were kept happy and occupied. Biccy, like all the others, never wanted for teddies to hug, toys to play with or bricks to build. His playpen contained all an infant needed for a fun time. Play was the only thing he was there to do; to joyfully giggle as he learned some new way of interacting with a freshly discovered knick-knack. To love and cuddle his soft stuffed animals just as he was lovingly squeezed and hugged himself. His sweet quizzical features and innocent expression making anyone who saw him fall for the unsullied pleasure of his guiltless world. Biccy, like all the other boys, was completely hairless; no hair anywhere on his body, it having long ago been permanently removed (one unanticipated side effect of the drug). The girls in another building also had the same procedure but rarely did the two sexes meet. Like the girls, the boys slept only in their protection of diapers and rubber pants. However, once they were up and changed out of their nightly soaked protection, and into their thicker, more rugged daytime security, the boys were zipped into pale brown fleecy little bear costumes, whilst the girls were zipped into their pink, fleecy bunny onesies. The onesies were all-in-one; hands, feet, head were all covered and the boys looked like teddy bears and the girls rabbits; their huge diaper areas giving them endearingly bulky bottoms with enough soaking power to last an entire day. The size also meant that most could only crawl or walk with extreme difficulty but that babyish waddle and total naiveté was what the clients paid for. The Playground was the secret instillation where FBC maintained their clandestine operation. The customers who wanted to take advantage of what this specialist company offered were strictly screened and secretly invited along. Back-checks and a host of other cross-checks would be initiated before anyone got anywhere near the facility. However, once you’d passed the screening operation you’d become a client and therefore, not unlike Build-A-Bear, would be able to have your desired ‘baby’ made and dressed to your individual preferences. Often Biccy and the rest of the ‘bears’ play area had additional people who enjoyed frolicking and dressing the same as they did, but these had paid a considerable amount for such a privilege. They interacted exactly as the Fuzzy-Babies, for a few hours at least letting their inhibitions go and behaving like little kids. After playtime was over the visitor would strip out of their fuzzy costumes, remove their soiled diapers, put on their adult clothes and go about their daily business of running companies, driving buses or whatever paid their wages. # Corprol X17 had been the game changer. The scientist at the research lab had been trying to make a suitable anti-depressant - Corprol, which together with a psychoanalytical approach to the subject was hoped might solve the problem so many people suffered – deep depression. Their success had been marginal to begin with until a new young scientist joined the team and came up with a brand new compound. It took seventeen clinical tests on a variety of subjects before they found the rather potent and brilliant Corprol X17 (the X stood for the strength and effect of this particular development). However, two other scientists working on the project saw its early dynamic properties and set about keeping the formula secret and for their own use. They stole the research notes and cleared the computer banks before involving the lab in a catastrophic accident that blew the building to pieces and all who were in it at the time. Corprol X17 was now in the hands of people who had a different use for this clever, mind-altering drug. The psychological aspect of it was really just to keep any glimmers of self-awareness in check; the drug itself was a wonderful agent for erasing the entire memory. Once the subjects were neutralised the psychiatrists helped them back to a stage in their lives when they knew nothing, had limited vocabulary and were totally reliant on others. They were taught odd words and sounds but their development was kept as low as possible for them to function in their new life. The success was remarkable and the fiendishly clever way of making them all continually dependent on their carers was down to their precious ‘binkies’. # The ‘binkies’ were adapted pacifiers coated in molecules of something the ‘Bears’ and ‘Bunnies’ enjoyed. For example; chocolate, candy, sherbet, orange or other fruit essences, whatever the veneer it made the ‘binkies’ moreish for the baby. In amongst the very addictive pleasure essence was a layer of Corprol X17, which kept the teens in infant mode. Biccy had his binkie covered in biscuit crumbs, thus his nickname, and, like all the other babies, it was never far from his lips. It hung on a ribbon pinned to his fleecy little outfit and was topped up regularly by ‘Mama’s’ controlling hands. Sucking on his binkie maintained a wonderful frame of mind (not that he had much of that) because he was never happier than when he had new toys, a fresh diaper and a new playmate or two. Each Fuzzy-Bear or Fuzzy-Bunny had a paci in their mouth releasing more and more pleasure neurons, which in turn made them suck more eagerly and ecstatically engage with whoever they were with. The sensual, innocent desire each Fuzzy creature offered was enthusiastically appreciated by every customer. Their Fuzzy costumes having secret openings that were way too complicated for baby minds to contemplate but were easy for a grown-up to access. No part of the Fuzzy Bear or Bunny was sacred, they were created for pleasure, to give it on demand and receive it if offered. It was strange how the fact that they wore diapers was an added attraction to most of the company’s customers. They even did a fantastic retail side-line in other outfits that some found desirable. The ‘Fuzzy’ name gave the impression it was all about fluffy animals but in fact it really meant that the ‘babies’ were fuzzy-headed and were incapable of any real decision making and only wanted to play. # Of course, for some, the idea of having kids and teens reduced to babies maybe completely abhorrent, whilst for others it is a preferred state. For this group of people there really is nothing more appealing than to have a teenager, giggling and being a silly little unfettered baby, dressed in their chosen childishly fleecy or fluffy little outfit. Each recruit to the world of FBC always looked cute, loveable, had no side, no ulterior motives, no attitude… nothing that wasn’t what you’d expect from a little kiddie just starting out in life. The fact that he or she wasn’t going to get any older (mentally at least) was quite compelling for a huge number of clients. A completely controlled youth to have as their own being a much sought after status symbol, if you could get over their constant need for love and attention… and of course the regular diaper changes. For many, and the numbers were growing daily (thus the figures for disappearing youths around the world was on the increase) the concept of having a grown baby, was the ultimate in power. Some liked to flex that domination by dressing their baby in certain ways. When a Fuzzy-Baby was sold, very rarely was it sold in the country from which it originated. If it had there was always a chance that somehow it might be recognised so all were shipped abroad. Luckily, CII and FBC had facilities in many countries around the world so, as the demand for such a ‘property’ increased, so the little ‘bears’n’bunnies’ were traded far and wide. These days the conglomerate has tentacles that span the entire world so most customer desires can be catered for. However, a new line, a very exclusive ordering system, means that specific individuals can now be accessed. So, if you have a particular young film, pop or video star you have your eye on, for the right price, he or she can be your next Fuzzy-Friend. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  12. Project Calibeen is a trilogy of stories - Audrey & Staycee, Lottie, and Velvet - that follow the events of a correctional reformatory, intent on making the worst people into the best. In as little as a year, patients leave the institution with a 0% reoffender rate. But how do they do it? These stories can be read in any order. Audrey & Staycee Lottie Velvet is a prequel to Audrey & Staycee that explores the creation and refinement of the Calibeen institution. Of the three stories, Velvet is the most ABDL-focused. It takes a shotgun approach: hard and fast! Diapers, hypnosis, drugs. An expansive cast of characters, a hero, a villain! Velvet tells a straightforward narrative that is easy to follow and fun to read. Actually, this is sort of uncharted territory... Pudding and I have been working on Project Calibeen's final installment for years, and we don't even have a rough draft yet! I'm actually hoping posting the few chapters we have complete will motivate us to finish this series. Project Calibeen has been our white whale for almost seven years, and we are so eager to bring it to a close. Anyway... wish us luck! The first 15 chapters are up on Patreon! Please consider supporting us! ~Sophie ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Velvet by: Sophie & Pudding 1.) Her New Home "We have a new inmate today." I was in the small staff room adjacent to the security checkpoint, sipping on poorly made coffee with a sour look on my face. Everything about our budget here was in a pinch, but that was the nature of experimental deployments. Nobody wanted to invest too much into something without a proven track-record. Things would be different once Ayla graduated the program, which she certainly would in the coming weeks, perhaps the coming days. Dr. Janick nodded in recognition of the small-talk and eyed the coffee-machine skeptically, a sandwich in one of her hands. "Alexander Duke." "Mmhmm. The Round Table Committee is curious to see how the program takes with a more troubled case. Like killing people is the worst we've dealt with? Everybody wants to kill someone sometimes. So passé." "I did read in the report that the judge was on a 50/50 split between here and Pascatero. Kids a nutjob." "Well, he won't be when we're done with him. You know when he's gonna be here?" "He's outside the checkpoint at the moment, being processed. You're taking him, right?" "Yeah, I think so. By the time he's settled in, Ayla will be out, and we'll have a new intake again, so I'll have to make sure there're no setbacks." "I heard Marlow wanted him." "He would, but he's a hack. He just wants the recognition." "Last thing we need is another Annie." I was guarded when the woman walked in the door. I sat still on the table and kicked my feet. She had a lab coat and nice shoes. But the kind of nice that could be nicer. Hm. Her hair was up. A clipboard in her hands. Taller than me, but then again, who wasn't? The orderly at my side stayed put. Like I could do anything with these handcuffs on... "Alexander Duke." There was a plastic clipboard in my hand, made from a single sheet of pink perspex — wooden clipboards were not allowed in any correctional facilities — but I didn't need to read anything on the chart. Alexander Duke had murdered every member of the grand jury, the 12 people who had been party to his brother’s incarceration. That kind of thing made the news. "I am Doctor Clement, and I'll be overseeing your entry into the program here." "...what is this place?" A hospital? A mental ward, probably. I was mandated here: experimental recovery for the mentally ill. That was all I was told. It certainly looked like a hospital. The rest of my life being fed and watching TV? It wasn't so bad. But it wasn't the rest of my life. My time was mandated between one and two years. I'd killed twelve people, and I had two years maximum in a hospital. How I'd gotten so lucky, I'd never know. "This is your home for the duration of the program." Which answered nothing at all, but there was a certain rapport that had to be built up before he'd be allowed to expect useful answers. "I can see why the judge recommended you for treatment — slight of build, below-average testosterone levels, confident demeanor. I think you'll be an excellent candidate. You're going to be here for some time, so how about we break down this formality somewhat — you may call me Colette." "I'm Alex," I said quietly, looking down at my feet. I didn't meet her gaze. I didn't act like I knew what I was doing or why I was here. I felt scared. Well, I looked like I felt scared. I was very good at acting. I swallowed hard and shuffled on the table, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "You prefer Alexander, but that's really neither here nor there — you'll be given a new designation as part of your enrollment here." He'd shown no remorse during the trial, no fear or discomfort or anything that might indicate that he had access to the fuller breadth of human interaction. The court hadn't deemed him sociopathic, but I'd certainly be curious myself. "Welcome to Project Calibeen. You will be rehabilitated and reeducated through unconventional an experimental means in effort to isolate and correct your behaviors." That all came from the marketing material, it was overly verbose and pointless. It didn't matter. In a few seconds, he'd start crying anyway. I could tell. Tears fell down my cheeks. I shook my head and tried to wipe them away with my shoulders. I tried to hide it, or pretended to try to hide it. I could hardly talk right, and when I did, I sounded so pathetic... “I… I didn't even... I don't know what happened... I used to have these blank spots... just times I didn't remember things well, and then... s-sorry... sorry... n-nevermind..." I nodded my head sympathetically, and cupped my hands together on the table, giving the boy a few precious moments of believing that what he was doing would work, before my look faded to a smirk. "Pretty baby face like yours, Alexander — that routine must work quite a lot. Don't worry, I can wait." "Wh-what...?" I looked up at her with wet eyes, but she just smiled back at me. She saw through that? But it was perfect! I sighed a little and rubbed the water out of my eyes with my shoulders. Ugh. I guess this is what I get when I'm all over the news... "Fine. I know what I did. You got me." No point keeping up this charade... I'd have to settle on a new one. "Things go a lot more smoothly here when we can trust one another, Alexander. In the end, you'e going to trust us implicitly either way, and it will go more positively for you if we find that we can trust you, early on. More privileges, less rules. Now, would you like to start this over, and we'll avoid the charades?" He wasn't anything new. I was actually kind of let down. "...yeah, sure. Can I have these handcuffs off though?" She looked at me incredulously and I rolled my eyes. "You're like a foot taller than me, and you've got Godzilla over here." I nodded to the orderly. "You really think I'm stupid enough to try to attack you? If you do, then you're the stupid one." "Not at all, Alexander. You're not in handcuffs because anybody is afraid of you — you killed with planning and the more efficient ways possible. Which meant sneaking up on people. You're clearly not anything other than a tiny little coward, so nobody is afraid of you." The male ego was the first thing to show up to a fight, and the first to fall as a result. "You're cuffed to remind you that you're no longer in control." "Of course not." Her attitude bothered me. She was... unique. Hm... "Why would I want to be in control? I'm here for help, Doctor Colette." I could see it on her name plate on the desk. Nicolette Clement. Did she not like her full name? So many questions. "So what now? How do I get better?" There was no doubt in my mind that this wouldn't be the boy’s last face he showed to me. Compliant and penitent. Did he think we were new at this? I smiled at him anyway, nodding my head slowly. "I'm going to introduce you to your fellow inmates, and appoint you a bedroom. You'll be sharing it with..." Curiously, I wondered how admin had arranged things, and flipped a few pages on the clipboard. "Annie." "Lead the way," I said with a smile. And to my delight, she did just that. I slid off the examination table as she passed and wrapped my cuffed hands around her neck. With a kick at her heels, we both fell backward onto the floor, the chain of the handcuffs choking her throat. The orderly rushed to remove me, but I kept the girl's neck tight against my chest, strangling her. "I sure would hate to be without these handcuffs," I chimed with a smile. "I might feel in control!' There was a very simple strategy that we were all taught during training for working in this program, though I'd been taught it in countless former roles as well. I went limp. I didn't struggle. The less I struggled, the easier it would be for the orderly to deal with the boy. And he did, too. Not with violence. With a shot into his neck. And just as soon as the stars appeared for me, he blacked out. "Are you okay, Doctor?" "Fine. Four-point him in the white room," the spare room that we didn't use as a bedroom, but likely would as we expanded. "Have him diapered, and give him a fluids drip. We'll try this interview again in 24 hours." A reaction. That's what I wanted. She'd learn to accept me, or she'd get hurt. The truth of the matter. I didn't care that I was left in the room alone. I didn't care that I was fastened to the bed, that I could feel myself urinate into the diaper on my waist. I wasn't hungry, because of the IV. I was content. I got her to react. Was aggressive, angry, violent Alex the Alex she wanted to deal with for the next two years? I could do that. Or she'd change her mind. Accept an easier Alex to handle. And I'd use it against her. Psychology made life so easy.
  13. My Punishment

    My Punishment I will never forget the one day several years ago when mom got so mad at me she did something I never dreamed she would do thinking she was punishing me. Most of my life growing up from as far as I can remember I was way more interested in playing and doing what I was doing than going to the potty. I remember even as a little girl playing house with my dolls and my older sister and feeling like I had to pee bad. I would hold myself, rock back and forth, sit on my foot, try all kinds of things. Anything to keep from having to get up and stop playing. I would soon feel that all too familiar feeling of warmth spreading on my crotch and down under my bottom as my little bladder muscles would just give up on me way before I was ready to stop playing. At that point I was still used to wearing diapers at night and so my little brain never thought to try to stop the pee from coming out after it started...Nope, I would just keep right on playing as the puddle grew under me. Later mom would find me sitting in my pee puddle and scold me for not going potty. This continued for many years...It was not an everyday thing but I would say several times a week for sure. I also seemed to have this thing about public bathrooms. I used to think that if I went in there, a monster was in the toilet that would bite me or try to get me. So every time we went shopping, or out to eat...I would just hold it until I couldn’t anymore. I would venture to say every trip we took that was more than a couple hours ended in me walking from the car to the house in pee soaked pants. It didn’t bother me and it still does not now. As I got older and had friends around me I was the silly girl at the party who would be doing the pee pee dance and just about holding myself to keep from missing the party and using a strangers toilet. They used to laugh at me sometimes because after they would see me crossing my legs and bouncing up and down someone would start telling jokes, or they would grab me and throw me to the ground and tickle me until I peed my pants. Usually took about 90 seconds. I would laugh it off. I quickly learned if I laughed with them at myself they soon stopped and we would continue with the party. I would usually stay in my peed pants until the parents of the house would find me and make me change into some other clothes or my parents came and mom would just shake her head. By the time I was in 4th grade I had been out of diapers at night for 5 years. And had slowed way down on my pants peeing as I found out it was no longer cool or funny to my friends. But if I got super involved in a project or playing a game online or outside, there were many times I got to the toilet to find my panties very wet and even a spot on my pants where I peed on the way to the bathroom. And probably still a couple times a week I would out right just pee my pants like on the weekend when Mom and Dad took us to the grocery store. I still was not fond of public bathrooms. The school bathrooms were now ok as they were like my home away from home. But a mall or restaurant bathroom was a big heck no still. I decided one day long before this that on shopping days I would hold it as long as I could,but once it started to hurt I would just let it all out in my pants instead of leaking and staying in pain and discomfort as my pants were wet anyhow. I decided there was no difference between a wet crotch, and a wet crotch and pant legs. So once the first pee would escape, I would just relax and let it all out in my pants. I still didn’t care if I was in the store or in the car. I had to go and I would. Mom got so mad at me every weekend and would threaten me with grounding me and taking away my TV or video games etc. I would cry and get mad at her for that. One saturday in the summertime as we got home, I got out of the car and stood up and I couldn’t hold it no more and stood beside the car peeing in my pants. Mom just happened to come around the car and see me standing there with pee pouring onto the ground from my pants. She said you young lady are grounded…..You will spend the rest of the afternoon in your room until dinner time. I cried and stomped up to my room. Later Mom came up and made me change out of my peed pants and panties into clean dry ones. As the afternoon progressed I kept myself occupied in my room playing with what few toys I had in there. As the need to pee arose I decided as Mom said I was not allowed to leave my room, I won’t. I sat on my floor and just relaxed and let my pee out into my pants and kept playing. Later Dad called up the stairs for me to come down to dinner. I did and Mom took one look at my pants and yelled at me to get back up stairs and change and told me I would be sorry I did this. I went up and changed and came back down to eat. Mom didn't say much to me during dinner. I could tell she was mad and had enough. When we were done eating she told me to just go watch TV and get out of her hair for a while. That night I went to bed….not really too happy about the days events and being grounded but I guess I would get over it. As I drifted off to sleep I remember dreaming that I was in the car riding along on a winding road looking at the pretty sky……….then I was on a bike and peddling my way across the road to the other side….I woke up, looked at my clock and it was 3:42 AM. I rolled back over and laid there looking at the wall. I had to pee but not bad enough to keep me awake or get me out of bed in the dark at this time of night. Soon I drifted back to sleep. I remember walking along a park, and then seeing a cute puppy and running up to play with it. After a while I was back walking again and felt I had to pee. In a moment there was a huge Kmart and I walked in and headed to the back to pee. I first stopped at the toy isle and looked at some dolls and other cool things they had when I got a sudden urge and felt like some pee escaped into my pants. I dropped the toys and ran to the restrooms, pulled down my pants and peed in the toilet. If felt so good……..and so real. I then magically had my pants on and was washing my hands and walking back out of the bathroom which now somehow led to an open field where I walked to a small river and woke up. As I rolled over I felt a little cold and damp. I pulled my covers down and sat up to find my pajamas top and bottom and bed were soaked in pee. I had not wet the bed in over 5 years until today. I got up, took my clothes off, and realized I had to pee still. I jumped back in bed and finished peeing myself on my bed. Once the pee soaked in I got back up and went into the shower to clean myself up. When I came out of the shower with just a towel around me my Mom who was woken up by me in the shower that early in the first place was standing in my room looking at my bed. She looked me right in the eye and said “So, you don’t want to use the toilet like big girls do? No problem!......after breakfast I am going out to buy you diapers and you will wear them day and night. That will break you of this stupidity………...now get these sheets and clothes to the wash and wash them!”. My jaw dropped….seriously……….I get to…….....I mean I am going to be forced to wear diapers. Let me think about this...I looked at mom with a shocked look on my face and said nothing as my mind went through the thought that I never have to use a nasty toilet again. I never have to pee my pants again when I am busy or with friends….what the heck is the punishment here? I looked at the floor and said….If you think it is best mommy, It really was an accident. She said yeah, just like all of the other times!!!! And she stomped out of my room. I took my sheets, blankets, and pajamas to the basement after putting some clothes on and put them in the washer as mom started breakfast. Dad came down and said wow hunny, you started laundry already today? Mom said nope. Your lazy daughter peed her bed and I have had enough of this. I am putting her back in diapers to teach her a lesson. I grinned as I walked out of the room. I had thought about wearing diapers a few times but never had the courage to ask about it. Now I will get to see what it is like. True to mom’s word, after breakfast she went to the store and found me some diapers that fit me. They were fairly thick and she put in a booster pad also so that the diaper would last a while. She grabbed me when she came in the door and laid me down on the couch. She removed my pants, and panties, Put the diaper under my bottom, put some powder on me, and diapered me up. Sat me back up and told me to go play and I did. I fired up one of my video games. This game takes 2 ½ hours to play. I paused it at the beginning and went in and got a big glass of juice from the refrigerator and then sat down at my game. By the time my juice was gone the milk I had for breakfast was working through me and I felt the need to pee. I tried to just relax and let it out but I could not do it. So I continued with my game. With in short time the urge was getting to the point where I felt like squirming a little and looked down to see I was sitting there in a diaper. I relaxed and in no time was peeing in my diaper. I kept on playing. So far so great with this diaper punishment. I could grow to love this in no time. As the game ended I stood up and stretched and felt the need to pee again. I stood there letting it out in my diaper. I looked down and could see the diaper was getting pretty wet but it was not full. I put my game away and went to the kitchen to put my glass in the sink and get a drink of water. I walked into the living room and turned on the TV and laid back on the couch watching TV for a while. Soon the phone rang and it was my friend from school, so I grabbed it, muted the TV and laid back down talking to her. She can be long winded but that was ok...I was in a diaper now. As the phone call ended I had indeed wet my diaper again just laying there on the couch. Mom happened to walk past me and stopped. She looked at me and said..so you did a good job filling that diaper up already. I looked slightly ashamed and said I could not help it. Mom got a clean diaper and took me upstairs and showed me how to diaper myself. She said I am grounded to being in diapers for one week 24/7 and I am to change myself when I need it. I protested to make it sound like I was suffering, but in reality. This is exactly what I have been missing for years. I felt somehow complete…...comfortable……..even happy. Mom went down stairs and I felt my nice dry diaper and loved the smell of powder on me. I went back down stairs and laid back down on the couch. After lunch we headed to the Mall. Mom did let me wear pants over my diaper when out of the house. I found it really fun to stand in the middle of Target in the toy isle and pee in my diaper while no one around me had a clue. Mom got what she came there for……...including more diapers for me, and we went to the grocery store then to get a couple things mom had forgotten yesterday. I found myself in the checkout line again having to pee and just relaxing and letting it out right there in line. This was great! We got in the car and headed home. I got in the house and mom said “pants off little lady, I want to know when your using that diaper”. I took them off and mom was shocked to see just how wet I was. She shook her head and walked into the kitchen. I flopped back down on the couch and flipped on the TV again. I was starting to figure out I could pee 3 times in one of these diapers before needing changed. That night was awesome too. I woke up at like 3:12 AM having to pee. I just laid there and let it out in my diaper and went back to sleep. That morning I stayed in my wet diaper from overnight until almost 10 AM before I had peed enough that I had to change it. By that night Mom was starting to realize she messed up...this was not punishment at all for me. I was too comfortable in these diapers. Mom said that starting tomorrow morning I am taking the diapers away. Your punishment is over. I looked at her and thought to myself ….oh my god, No!!!!!! I said ok mommy thank you! I have been good and did what I was supposed to do. She said yes you were and I went off to my room to get some toys I had up there to play with. Knowing that tonight would be my last time in diapers again, I didn’t want it to end. I started loading up on water just so I could pee a lot and keep changing my diapers...This kind of backfired as that night I woke up and wet my diaper 3 times. By morning it was soaked and needed to come off of me as soon as I got out of bed. Mom was not up yet. I felt I had to pee again, so I took my soaked diaper off, and put on another one, and wet it then headed down stairs. Now hopefully I won’t have to take this off until I fill it up the rest of the way. Later Mom came down and said ok lady, take that diaper off your done with them now. I said ok mom, but let me at least get breakfast first? She said ok and we went in to get some food. Sitting at the table I wet my diaper for the last time. Once finished I headed up to take it off. I was sad. I put on some panties and pants and a top and came back down to watch TV. My sister joined me on the couch and after some time I was squirming again and holding myself and actually leaking in my underwear. This was odd. My sister looked over and said just wet your diaper! I looked at her and said mom took me out of them already! She said oh……...well just piss your pants then like you usually do, whatever just stop squirming you are bothering me. So on that note I relaxed and sat there on the couch peeing my pants. Hey sis told me I could. Mom was livid to say the least. She said we are going to see a doctor for you….I can’t take this anymore. Go get a diaper on and get out of those clothes while I clean this couch up. I was so happy I almost giggled out loud as I ran up stairs to get back into a diaper. I still wear diapers more often than not to this day. I wear them and wet them every night and have for years. I also wear them on car drives, shopping trips, and around the house on a lazy day. Diapers are convenient, comfortable, and relaxing. Diapers are a way of life for me. The more I wear them the more I need them too. I have actually had a few accidents as an adult where I just could not hold my pee as I am so used to being in diapers. Thankfully most of them have been in my car driving home from work or at home after I get out of the car trying to get into my house. I have a lot of peed pants every week. I should just wear diapers 24/7 and be done with it. Maybe I will soon!
  14. Project Calibeen is a trilogy of stories - Audrey & Staycee, Lottie, and Velvet - that follow the events of a correctional reformatory, intent on making the worst people into the best. In as little as a year, patients leave the institution with a 0% reoffender rate. But how do they do it? These stories can be read in any order. Lottie Velvet Audrey & Staycee was one of our first stories together, and it's widely considered our best work. It delves into the structure of the Calibeen institution and everything that goes on there. Pudding is always so imaginative and extreme, but A&S really showcases her ability at world building. And I did a pretty good job with the plot: mysterious, dark, intense, and includes a LOT of diapers! A&S is an all-in-one package for a hardcore diaper story, and we really hope you give it a look! To adhere to DD's story regulations about underage characters and sexual situations, this version of A&S is censored a little bit. There's a few flashbacks wherein a main character is only sixteen. As writers, Pudding and I know "sex" and "sixteen" pretty much go hand in hand, but we understand and agree with DD's decision to distance underage and ABDL content. Our story integrity is not above the integrity of the community. For this thread, we worked hard to remove the offending scenes while still preserving the complicated themes in play. Any time we censored content, you'll see "~~~CUT~~~". Filling in the blanks isn't that hard. But if you are curious nonetheless... A complete, uncensored version of the entire story can be found HERE! Thanks everyone for your constant support. Leave comments! ~Sophie ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AUDREY & STAYCEE by: Sophie & Pudding PHASE THREE Part I: The First Day These rooms were so much more… me. No brightly colored walls, no wallpaper, no white furniture. Just a beautifully decorated room with a light blue accent wall - a bit lighter than my color - and adorned with furniture complimenting the white painted wooden canopy bed. I knew I'd be sharing it, but it was still so spacious - at least twice the size of my room as a Second! I peeked into the closet, finding two sets of clothing - my blue and someone else's yellow. I fiddled with the drawers, looking through the makeup and nail polishes, of hair bows instead of ribbons, barrettes, and so many beautiful things. I was so eager. Phase Three would be so much better than One and Two - no diapers, no babysitting. I was finally grown up, on my way to a better life. I wasn't sure when my conditioning would start, but I was eager to purge myself of some of the more annoying habits, like how I still sucked my thumb. But my thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and a beautiful auburn-haired girl walking in. I quickly climbed off the bed, bouncing over to meet her. She was a few inches taller than me, but it wasn't uncommon - I was always a short boy. "Hi, I'm Audrey. I guess we're roommates." "Uhhuh." I flopped down in the canopy bed, eyes taking in the bedroom in awe with a wide smile. This was so much lovelier than being a Second! I expected it would be, though. I mean. As Seconds we shared the same rooms we had as Firsts, we just got to be in charge. Adelaide had been a wonderful First; she'd actually been eager for the process and had ranked first in her group to graduate, which had left me without a First for much of my time as a Second. But I was okay with it! It just gave me more time to focus on being the best. I liked to be the best. I was a very competitive person. "I'm Staycee. Whatcha in for?" Firsts mostly didn't talk about what they'd done; probably out of shame - I was that way, anyway. Something about the time I'd spent with Adelaide just really opened my eyes, though; no matter what happened now, I'd never be that person, never be capable of those things ever again. So why be ashamed? Retelling the stories now were just… well… stories. I was a good girl, now. We all were. The girl - Audrey? - she was absolutely darling, a big smile and hopeful, optimistic eyes; I couldn't work out if she'd had any adjustments in Second beyond the Softening - she didn't have the telltale needle pricks by her ears, though, so I had to figure it was just natural beauty. And that made me smile. "I robbed a bank." It was my standard tell-tale lie. I didn't want to lie to Staycee, but I also didn't want to get into it - it just made me sad and it was supposed to be a happy day. "Or tried to rob it, anyway… if I'd robbed it, I wouldn't be here." I liked Staycee. She was… something else. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was almost like she loved this place. No one loved this place - not unless they made you a Zero first, and I still believed that was a myth. "That's really cool! Did you wear a stocking over your head and carry a sack with a dollar sign on it? Where do you get those, anyway? Is there a bank-robbing supply store?" I flashed a cheeky smile and pulled her hand into mine. "I like to hold hands. You'll have to get used to that. Adelaide - she was my First - and I pretty much never let go. The Headmistress says its a side effect of detachment in my life before, iono though. Maybe." My time here was a little different to the others; it seemed like I was seeing the Headmistress significantly more; she'd check on me, ask about my progress, deliver my rewards personally - I thought that was normal until Francesca (one of the other Seconds) told me she hadn't even seen the Headmistress outside of her color ceremony. Speaking of which. "Nice color, girl. Wow. That's gotta be the prettiest blue I've ever seen." I nodded happily, fiddling with the hem of my dress. It really was beautiful. "I didn't pick it. I mean, my Second was always a "be your own person" kind of girl. So she'd dress me in tons of colors. And when I went to my ceremony, I had no idea what I wanted. But the Headmistress just gave me this one. And I love it, I really do. Strange I'd like a blue… I like your yellow, though. It's sunny." Sun. I was almost sure I'd forgotten what the actual sun looked like. Still, Staycee could serve as my pseudo-sun until I got out of this place. I gave a sideways look and smiled curiously. "You know that's exactly what happened with me, too? My Second told me she hated it as a name, but she was naming me Staycee nonetheless. And spelling it weird, too. Es-Tee-Ay-Why-See-Ee-Ee. See? And then she didn't have any influence on my color, either; the Headmistress assigned me my yellow though and it just felt so right. Like getting a dress you always wanted for Christmas, and having it fit amazingly. Except, well, I don't know what that's like. But it's how I imagine that to be like." I sat up on the edge of the bed and took another closer look at Audrey, smiling contently. "You're easily the prettiest girl here. I'm glad we're roomies." "Uhhuh." So maybe I wasn't as special as I thought… it was probably a common thing, now that I thought about it. Not every Second would have such an attachment to color the way I did - I meticulously planned the color of my First. And I guess everyone else just got a random color they'd love. How did we love it, anyway? Was it profiling, or did they add that in Hypno as well? This facility always made me feel cold whenever I'd think about it in such terms, and goosebumps would rise on my arms. Two more Phases, and I could leave for good. As a new person. "I don't suppose you know what we're supposed to do, now?" Firsts were always orchestrated by Seconds, and Seconds remembered how they were orchestrated by their Seconds. But this was Staycee's and my first day in the Phase Three wing, and we had no idea what we were doing. One of the big differences we were privy to as Thirds; one I'd noticed when I came in, in-fact, was the presence of the little digital clock on the bedside table. "I don't know for sure, but I do know it's fifteen minutes before meal time and I bet nobody else has considered that. Come on, let's get dressed and find the lunch hall." It was something that the Headmistress had told me with that smile of hers that always seemed to have something just beneath the surface of it; like her words had seventeen different meanings if only I'd listen - she told me that I had control over who I was as a Third. And I think that meant something. "We have control. As Thirds. Over who we are and who we become, whether we become cute little geeky introverts or social butterflies, whether we accept being average or strive to be the best. Whatever we aim for, they'll help with - if we wanna be the best, they'll help us be the best." I picked a blue pleated skirt and a pretty buttoned blouse off the hanger and handed them both to Audrey. "So let's be the best." I nodded my head, taking the two pieces of clothing from Staycee with small concerns. I didn't really care about being the best, but I didn't like being punished, either. I remembered when I was a First how tragic my life was when I misbehaved, even in the slightest. If getting to the lunch room first meant I wouldn't get in trouble, then I was all for it. But still, the outfit in my hand held another concern. Two pieces… I'd never worn a two piece anything. Dresses, nighties, all that from One and Two were a single piece of clothing. They probably go on just like boy clothes, Audrey. "Um… can you turn around? So I can change, I mean." "Really?" I smiled and shook my head, my hand slipping into the girl’s and squeezing it. "You've showered in front of other people, had your diaper changed repeatedly, been dressed and undressed and probably spanked publicly. You've had the Softening, had your physical at the end of Second - how're you still shy?" I laid the clothes down on the bed and motioned to the girl, my sparkling blue eyes shining with happiness. "Come on, off with your clothes. I'll dress you myself." Though my tone was firm and certain, there was also a particular playful affection to it. Like we were already best friends. My cheeks lit up and I looked down at my feet shyly. "It's… different." I wasn't sure how it was different, but it certainly felt it. I was a girl now - it was something I'd come to accept in Phase Two. I conquered my fears of change, and this was the new me. I didn't mind that I couldn't be Colin anymore, I really didn't. But shame was still an evident factor, even as a girl. And part of being a girl meant not having a penis, and thusly, I found it to be a big part of my shame. Since talk of Phase Three and independence, I'd already decided not to let another soul see me naked. I was a girl damnit, and I wasn't going to let anyone think otherwise. "I can change, Staycee. Just pleeeeease turn around..?" Was I asking? "And what if I want to see you change? I'll let you see me change." I would have anyway - the facility encouraged openness especially within pairs and while I didn't know how it worked for Thirds, I was willing to bet it was something still rewarded. But I wanted her to be comfortable around me; it was known even as Seconds that Thirds had the longest program. I didn't want things to be weird and awkward between us. "You know when I was a boy, I'd never change in front of anybody. I was just never comfortable with my body. Most boys aren't, anyway. But I wanna be the kind of girl who can change in front of her friends, the kind of girl who isn't ashamed of her body. Don't you, too? You're already the prettiest girl here; the only thing that could make you more gorgeous is the confidence to know it and show it." I wasn't the prettiest girl - firstly, I paled in comparison to Staycee - and I certainly wasn't going to try to pretend I was. I was nice looking, I knew that, but all the Seconds had been by the time we left Phase Two. I was just another girl. "I just… I don't like people seeing me in my underwear, alright?" It was one of the drawbacks of panties - they showed everything. I remembered my first week in them, back as a Second, and how I actually missed diapers. I was always so confident around my First when I had my nighttime diaper on, but I'd never let her see me in underwear, even if they were padded. "Ohhh…" I smiled in realization and in one smooth motion I lifted Audrey's dress off and tossed it on the bed, leaving her topless and just in her pretty blue panties. "Okay. Audrey. Come here." She was skittish and shy and reluctant as I pulled her over to the mirror and stood her before it; I knew what she was conscious of and I was determined to show her the truth. "You're a girl here." I motioned to her head. "And here." And then to her heart. "These things make you a girl. A head full of compassion and a heart full of love. Nothing else matters. Some girls have small boobs, some have big. Some have wide hips, and some narrow. Some have long hair, some short, some have button noses and some don't. Some of us like yellow and some of us like blue, and I'm sure some people like those other colors, too. And you know what? Some girls?" I put my hand on the front of her panties - it was a bold move and probably not something she was ready for, but I also wanted to show her how normalized these things were. "Some girls have an outie and some girls have an innie. But we're all girls. A head full of compassion and a heart full of love. That's it. Now look. And tell me what you see?" I motioned to the mirror. Discomfort. That's what I saw. A very, very uncomfortable girl. I turned away from the mirror, my cheeks on fire, hurrying over to the bed and fiddling with the Audrey-blue skirt. I very quickly pulled it up my legs, covering my blue cupcake panties, and zipped it into place around my waist. So much for the ‘no one will see you in your underwear’ plan. Staycee looked a little upset with my reaction, so I turned away from her shyly and slid the blouse over my arms, buttoning it up over my budding breasts. "You're never going to be happy with yourself until you understand that simple truth, Audrey. But you'll get it, I know you will. You're a smart girl. Wanna know a tip until then?" I was already in front of the closet, picking out my own clothes as I spoke. She was cute. Really cute. But she didn't get it; she didn't get what I'd got in my first week as a Second. She didn't get that they didn't make you a girl here - you did. And if you didn't accept it, if you relied only on what they gave you… you could never be happy. I'd help her, though. I slipped into a pair of tight yellow shorts and smiled. "Trust me." Trust her? The girl who just stripped me when I'd said no? Yeah - really the one to trust… ugh, this was going to be a really long Phase. I finished dressing myself, deciding against using hair ties despite my interest out of fear of getting in trouble - I didn't know the rules yet. Staycee, conversely, put her up in a ponytail without a second thought. I bit my lip, shaking my head. Not worth the trouble. I still looked strange in the mirror, though, and it took me a long time to figure out skirts aren't supposed to sit at your waist, but on your hips. I hiked it up a bit and smiled pleasantly at myself in the mirror. A proper schoolgirl. "You'll be marked down for hair, and for not wearing lipgloss - look?" I motioned to the vanity where there was a veritable array of glosses. They obviously expected us to wear it as Thirds. "Here." I pulled two hair ties off the vanity and took the brush, motioning to the bed. "I think you'll look really cute in pigtails, and they gave us hair stuff so it's expected of us. Come on, we've only got a few minutes." I motioned to the bed, and also scooped up a cherry lemonade lipgloss off the vanity as I made my way over. I bit my lip and shook my head. "We can just wait for orientation. We won't get in trouble if we didn't know! And if we weren't supposed to touch it yet, we might get in trouble anyway… it's safer not to, Staycee." She'd already undressed me today - I wasn't about to let her get me in trouble, too. So I moved away from her and the bed to the door, standing in the open doorway. "Are you coming or not?" We got to the mess hall a few moments following and I smiled in delight as we sat down at the table ~ a very different sort of table to the previous phases; more like a school cafeteria now. The Headmistress smiled from the podium at the end of the room and it was no secret why ~ we were here first. I reached my hand underneath the table and squeezed Audrey's excitedly. "Here she comes. Smile." The Headmistress and I knew each other quite well. Beyond her giving me my color on my second day, she personally oversaw most of the changes in my career at the institution, like my punishments and my Phase changes, and often would casually give me ideas on ways to improve. I didn't like her - she was, after all, the person who kept me prisoner - but I didn't hate her, either. It was hard to hate a woman who never broke the rules. I knew what was expected of me, and all she wanted was for me to be good. I learned that early on. I gave her a kind smile as she approached, walking through the lunchroom style tables and joining us across the table, standing behind the other bench. "Hello, Headmistress." "Staycee, as predicted you've excelled on presentation, punctuality and ~ as a wonderful bonus ~ you're already sitting in Third Standard style. Well done." The smile she gave me, the praise and that warmest of glows that went along with it... it was worth every bit of meticulous detail. She turned to Audrey next and pursed her lips. "Oh child, I had higher hopes of you. Untidy hair, no lipgloss and sitting like a First in a full diaper. You will do better, wont you? For me?" "I… uh… yeah… yes, Headmistress…" She walked away and I felt my whole body sulk into the table. I put my arms down and rested my head on them, looking away from my roommate. Like a first in a… oh! I very quickly closed my legs and bit my lip. How was Staycee sitting? I wanted to look, but that would let her know I was copying her. I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of being right. "Knees together, ankles apart. Like a child, see?" I leaned back and motioned beneath the table ~ Audrey had been marked down and I figured by the way she snapped her legs shut that she was trying to improve. "It's okay, you know. We're here to learn and that means little mistakes. They'll never punish you if it's an actually mistake. Just if you knew better and still screwed up." More girls were starting to file in, sheepish and apprehensive ~ the speech would begin soon. "I don't need your help. I'm fine. And what do I care if the Headmistress didn't think I sat perfectly? Doesn't matter to me…" Though, through my time here, I was smart enough to know that it did matter. I was never trying to impress the woman, but there was a distinct correlation with my screw-ups and my punishments. It was best to keep the woman happy. So I slid my ankles apart just a little, my knees still together, slowly in hopes Staycee wouldn't take notice. I still wasn't looking at her - I had my attention focused on the Headmistress at the podium and the other girls filing in. "Girls. Please take your seats ~ I know you're all hungry and anxious to begin your new Phase, and the sooner we get done here the sooner your new lives begin." A quiet swept over the room and the Headmistress begun. "Welcome. All of you. To even make it to Phase Three is such a triumph in and of itself. You've faced trials and hardships, learned how to adapt and survive. And you've all become such wonderful young girls. But there are many challenges ahead, many struggles still. Like wavering saplings reaching gingerly for the sun, your life now is what you make it. Your graduation depends on you. Your attitude. Your dedication. Your desire to be someone to be proud of. You will be scored and rated on every aspect of your life from now until the end of Phase Three. Every. Single. Piece. Will decide who you become, and how soon. And each day, an example will be made of she who wishes not to excel. A reminder to always be your best.” That got my attention and I quickly sat up at the table. There were three other girls on the other side of our table, across from Staycee and me, and all of them were looking at the Headmistress with equal attentiveness. Actually… there were a lot of girls. At least fifty. That was five times the Seconds we had in our wing. I shook my head and looked over at Staycee, whispering as not to disturb the Headmistresses' speech. "So we can leave early if we're good?" Less time in Phase Three just for being cooperative? "It's not quiet like that." I didn't want to be caught talking with the Headmistress at the podium, but I also wanted to answer the question. So I talked. Very, very quietly. "You get… scored. Like she said. And those with good scores graduate earlier. They never tell you what your score is, so you gotta always be at your best. Always." The Headmistress left the podium now and the chatter began around us, carts being wheeled in with platters of food. Real food. Ish. One had a pile of cheeseburgers! I very quickly grabbed for a plate of chicken, putting some onto the plastic plate in front of me, again in my blue. Oh, real food! As a Second, I got to eat things beyond the milky baby bottle from my first phase, but it was always the same five things. Chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, tatter tots, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and SpaghettiOs. We'd always get one fruit alongside each course, and we'd always get a cookie once a week. It grew tedious very quickly. I grabbed a burger, next, and then a brownie off a tray at the end. I looked around the lunchroom at the other tables - all with different food. Was I allowed to get up? Better be safe… "You'll be scored on your figure." I took one solitary burger and a handful of carrot sticks and apple slices from the neglected plate in the center of the table. "They give you all the means to indulge, but it's one of the things they measure on. So pace yourself." Looking at the variety of foods available to my poor tortured-by-boredom palette, I thanked whatever powers that may be for the fact I'd discovered that little piece of truth in advance. And even though I had, holding back the urge to gorge myself was… exhausting. One burger. Lots of veggies and fruit. I rolled my eyes and dove into the chicken first, eating hungrily. Oh, and it was so well prepared. It was strange having the cafeteria of fifty people so quiet - just the sounds of cutting and chewing. I guessed social elements weren't really as important as food. I sipped the glass of chocolate milk - CHOCOLATE MILK! - and smiled happily, my head in my arms again. "Such a good meal… I like Phase Three a lot." Audrey made it abundantly clear just how little my advice meant to her, but I resolved to stay strong. Someone had helped me, before. And now I wanted to help someone, too; Audrey fit the bill. She was just so stubborn. I gingerly chewed the burger - tiny little bites to make it last - and watched all of those around us. I didn't know when the weigh-ins would be, but I wasn't going to risk it. "You know, I haven't led you wrong yet, have I? This is a test of willpower and temptation. They make us into pretty girls and pretty girls have self control and restraint. It's a life lesson. Makes sense, right?" "I'll eat less for dinner." They'd probably made everyone skip breakfast today for the phase changes - they did take a long time, after all. Phase One to Two took an entire week - learning to take care of Firsts and learning the rules. Phase Two to Three, though, was oddly simple. I went into a room, was given new clothes, told very few rules, watched an hour-long program about the "individuality" and "creativity" building that Phase Three offered, along with it's goal to promote social development. It was a bit too after-school-special for me, though, and I found myself horribly bored. Regardless, no breakfast meant a big lunch. "As you wish." I smiled simply to myself and took a bite of celery. Would it kill them to have peanut-butter? I decided to bring it up with my next meeting with the Headmistress. "It's exciting, isn't it?" Advice didn't seem to pan out, so I resorted to small-talk. "I mean. Scary. In One and Two we knew what was expected of us. And now this, where we don't really know a thing…? It's pretty thrilling. What're your plans when you get out?" "Not really scary. Just be good. It was pretty simple." And when I messed up, the Headmistress was quick to correct me. Sit with knees together, ankles out. And when I got back to the room, I'd have to do my hair and put lipgloss on. It was really very simple, actually. "When I leave? I don't know. Can't go home - not like this. My sister would tease me so bad." I smiled, but a stone fell through my stomach… I'd never see my family again… "My family disowned me. Like. Actually, legally so. They have a restraining order, too. Isn't that all sorts of messed up? I mean I get it ~ with what I did? But still. Really harsh. I don't much know what I want now, but Phase Two really brought out my maternal side. Just wanna take care of someone. A child, or someone who just wants me to show them everything will be okay. That's why I try to do good here, because the sooner I'm out? The sooner I can find my special someone." I had a sort of wistful tone in my voice as I spoke, my inflections airy and my gaze focused on a particular light fixture. "I have this dream, sometimes. About this girl I take care of. She's a criminal and we're on the run, hiding in hotels and working where we can. And she relies on me so much. And I take care of her." I looked down from my fixation on the ceiling and bit my lip shyly. "She can't talk. Not except to me. When anybody else is around, she's mute. She needs me and trusts me, and just to… to feel that? Wow. I'm rambling, aren't I? I'm so sorry." "Well, when you're out of here, you won't be running." I wasn't sure how that fit into her dreams, but it seemed like a bonus. "I mean, you'll be able to find your someone and take care of them normal. Like, in one place." I wasn't a very profound girl, though - I never was as a boy, either - and I suddenly felt like my words were particularly useless. "I can't talk, sometimes. I mean, it's really just one guy. The Hypno tech when I was a First and Second. I have no idea why. I just can't get a word out around him. Which sucks, because Hypno scares me a lot… I wish I could ask what he was doing." I bit my lip and played with the edge of my empty-except-for-crumbs plate. "But Thirds get a new Hypno tech, so it'll be fine." She was opening up to me a little more now and that made me smile ~ looks like small talk was the answer. "Why can't you talk around him?" It seemed the wrong thing to ask so soon, though, so I followed up with an easier thing to manage. "Hypno used to scare me, but it's like a roller coaster ride for me now. I get on. I'm not much sure what happens. And I get off. I don't really think its changed me any, but isn't that the point? Not to know? I sometimes wonder what my old friends would think of me now. They'd probably rape me..." Now there's a sobering thought. I shrugged my shoulders and kept drawing circles on the cafeteria table, the plastic plate pushed away. Some people were still eating, and it didn't seem we were allowed to leave yet. It was probably on a timer. After all, we had social interaction here. It differed so much from the dining hall as a Second. "I don't know. I mean, I just can't. I try to talk and… nothing happens. Maybe it's something they did to me - maybe I was being annoying one day." But Hypno started on day two, and I didn't get in trouble until day three. I shook my head in confusion. It was always an anomaly, and I'd decided long ago not to bother with it. It was probably that man in particular. "Which man was it? The tall one with the glasses, or the tubby one who always smelled of lemon lime & bitters?" It was strange for me to say that - I didn't actually remember what that smelled like. Just that once upon a time I'd made the connection with the man and that memory had stuck. Across from us at the table, two of the girls had already started babbling like high-schoolers and it became apparent just how much a bonding experience real food could be. "I don't like the one with the glasses. Creeps me out. Like he's fantasized about one too many pretty little sissy boys." "Mine was tubby… but I don't know what that smells like, so it could be someone else." I still had my head down, though I was looking up at Staycee, now. Conversations started up around us but they all seemed like white noise to me. "I liked him. He was sweet. He'd always smile and talk even though I couldn't talk back. All the staff here are really nice. I guess it beats prison, huh?" Then again, in a lot of ways, it really didn't. But since I'd gotten out of Phase One, I was much less bothered. "Tha's…" I paused for a moment and tried to remember the technicians name. "Vel-… no, that's stupid. Uh. Oh! Oh! Edgar, right? I think." I smiled happily - as the Phase's continued inexorably, memory was becoming more and more a commodity to be held onto. At least for me. It was the same for everybody, though. "This place really messes with your memory, huh?" I actually felt an ache at the sides of my head for a moment, like little needles stabbing… and then it passed. "I guess…" There wasn't a whole lot to remember about the facility - the rules were very clear and everything else would likely never leave me with how humiliated I had been. But it did seem like I'd been here forever when it had only been a six months. Maybe that's what she meant. The doors to the hallways opened and some of the girls got up to leave. I climbed off the bench I was sitting on and followed behind them, Staycee a pace behind me. I found myself a little lost in thought as we wandered back to our room, but by the time we got there I was my usual peppy self. "So, Audrey… you must have been a gorgeous looking boy to turn out as pretty as you have." It wasn't like me to be flirtatious and I s'pose it wasn't even flirting, per se. Just observation, Admiration. "Were you gay? I mean, before?" It was a rarer thing for it to happen, but I couldn't imagine this girl ever having been a boy who chased after the fairer sex. I frowned and crossed my arms, walking past Staycee to the vanity and picking out hair ties. I probably shouldn't have been so offended, given I was wearing a schoolgirl uniform and putting my hair in pigtails, but I really was. "No, I wasn't gay. I've always liked girls." I was a pretty nice looking boy, I knew, but the amount I'd changed in six months surprised even me. Then again, Staycee would never be mistaken as a boy, nor would anyone else in this Phase. Still, there was something particularly beautiful about Staycee. She was just… a better girl. By the time Audrey replied, I was laying down on the bed on my stomach, cradling my chin in the palms of my hands. "Well, you're going to make an amazing wife for some lucky girl out there." I pursed my lips and looked thoughtful. "They made me like boys. It was one of the criteria the judge put in place, because I can't be trusted with girls. Made the families really happy, you know? So they skipped due process and made me like boys. Well. Not boys specifically, but their… bits." My cheeks were glowing now and I laid my head on my arms. "It sucks, too, you know? Because I really do adore girls." "That sucks…" I really did sympathize. This facility had taken so much of Colin away, and so much of Audrey was manufactured. I wasn't even sure any of me was left… "Oh… look." I grabbed a paper off the vanity and held it up for Staycee to see. It was a schedule. And with a clock, it felt like a whole new system. I glanced over the paper and read aloud. "Lights on - 6am. Breakfast - 8am. Class A - 9:30am to 11:30am. Lunch - Noon. Audrey - Hypno/Staycee - Class B - 1:30pm to 3pm. Staycee - Hypno/Audrey - Class B - 3:30pm to 5:00pm. Dinner - 5:30pm. Lights out - 9pm." That's complicated… "Um… Disclaimer - classes differ depending on the day/week/social structure. Follow the attached chart for room numbers…" "Oh!" I peered over the shorter girls shoulder at the timetable and glowed with a smile. Structure. Order. Oh, things felt so much better already. "It's all so strange. I mean, some parts of me just crave the rigor and structure of Phase One. But a bigger part of me just wants to spread my wings and embrace all this. I mean, what's it even mean? Classes differ on social structure? It's all so vague." My tone had started to sound almost… desperate by the end and I frowned, falling back on the bed. "I just wanna do well…" "Well… it's fifteen minutes until our first class. Or… your first class. I have Hypno." I looked down the list with a blissful smile. Hypno wasn't structured. Hypno rooms are as follows > Name list > Number. Done. Staycee and I had the same Hypno room, it seemed. "Your is… um… week one, Monday…" Monday, right? Yeah, says so on the clock. "That's this column. Punishment day, normal day? I guess… normal day, right? ID starts with…" I felt sick to my stomach. This was like the spreadsheet from Hell or something. "I think… 322. For you. And 308 for me. But you might wanna double checks yours. It confused me…" "Uhhuh…" My voice was vague as I lay there and gathered up my thoughts, then sat up with the best smile I could manage. "Make sure to tell me all about our Hypno tech when we catch up, okay? I like to know people. It's how I stay good at this stuff. I watch and listen and know." It was my thing, and it made me smile to know that it was. Nobody else paid attention like I did. "What do you think the Hypno courses are going to be, as Thirds?" Conversation. Small talk. That kept things normal. Can't get freaked out, Staycee! It's competitive, now. It's important to do well, not just to pass. I shrugged my shoulders and stepped away from the vanity, my hair in low pigtails, as would be proper. "I have no idea. I guess I'll be able to tell you in an hour and a half, huh?" Then again, I never remembered any of my Hypno sessions. It was more like falling asleep. But maybe I could ask. After all - I'd have a new tech. "Only thirteen minutes - I should go and try to find this place. See you back here after class." "Ah, yes. Audrey. Please come in." The man who answered the door after three small knocks was a tall, lanky man without much expression to his long, drawn face. Thick-rimmed glasses framed dark green eyes that sat sunken into eye-sockets just a little too deep, and his voice wavered between deep and scary-deep every few syllables. He waited for the girl to enter the room and closed the door behind her with a sharp click, his long thin lips pulling into the faintest hint of a leer as he watched every little footstep the girl took. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. "Nice to meet you." Did that come out? I opened my eyes at the tall man in front of me, smiling down, though he said nothing. No "Nice to meet you too." I sighed and tried again, but like the first time, no words… no sounds. So it wasn't just Edgar. It was all Hypno techs. What the hell sense did that make?! I gave a small wave instead and fiddled with the hem of my skirt. The quiet girl sparked a particular interest in the man and as she fiddled with her hemline, he stood over her and addressed a chart that had taken its place in his fingertips during his approach. "No need to be frightened, hypnosis is nothing to be afraid of. In-fact, I quite adore it. Don't you, pet?" He motioned to the chair in the center of the room. "Please do sit." What are you going to do? What is the Third hypnosis about? But still, no words, and that meant no answers. If only I had a pen and paper… but the idea of reading and writing was wiped out of me in One. Before Three, I knew they gave me the ability to read back, but I wasn't sure about the writing thing. Still, I took my seat in the chair and looked up at the headpiece. Always the same headpiece. Still, this session was a half hour longer than Phases One and Two… The man leaned over Audrey and fiddled with the head-set, gently pulling it down closer to her head before stopping and looking into her eyes with his very deep-set sockets. He stared at her for entirely too long to be comfortable; his breath smelled of stale cigarette smoke and coffee and as his eyes bore into the soul of the girl in the chair. "You're quite beautiful, you know. Perhaps the most beautiful girl I've seen in this dark, empty place." They were words with the potential to be wonderful, deep and touching… but they simply weren’t. "You're a very quiet one, aren't you? Perhaps there just aren't any words worth passing those pretty lips of yours." It was one of those compliments that just… couldn't help but come across as off-putting. There was nothing wrong with the words, or even the inflection and delivery. It was just him, just the way it was obvious that he meant these things despite the fact he was talking to a sixteen year old girl with the mind of a ten year old. I nodded my head. What else could I do? I tried getting comfortable in the chair, but it felt so foreign to me. It was the same make, the same model, the same everything, but not the same chair, and not the same tech. I wondered if hypnosis could even work with a tech I didn't trust - and it wasn't that I didn't trust this new man! He was just… new. New people take time to get used to, right? "Relax now, pet. You're tense. There's no need to be. Hypnosis is a very intimate experience. Very special. Relax now, and let me take away all those fears and worries." One hand had gently slipped around Audrey's and the other was reached up, bringing the headset closer to the girls pretty head of hair. He was close to her; probably inappropriately so. But there was something in his cold eyes, something that wasn't there before. A little spark. An interest. The visor came down over my eyes and the next thing I knew all the light was gone. The voice of the Hypno tech was gone, too. I felt a small cold chill come over me as I thought about what this was: my first hypnosis of Phase Three. Anything could happen, now. Who I was could be rewritten the same way they'd rewritten me in Phase One and Two. And the worst part was, I'd never know the difference… The Headmistress had been very specific with her plans for Audrey and Staycee: that it would be dangerous for the two of them to express a romantic interest in one another. That the establishment of such could lead to side-effects the facility would rather not address - particularly in Staycee, who's dreams had already become an issue. It had therefore been made abundantly clear to the hypnosis technicians who would see them through Phase Three, that the standard conditioning for Thirds - which compelled each and every Third to express romantic interest in their room-mate (pairings that had each been chosen for specific reasons) was not to be applied to either Audrey or Staycee. And yet, now, as a result of a clouded moment… that very program was running through Audrey's headset. The technician watched her as she sighed and twitched, the reflection of the bright lights on her face illuminating soft delicate features and as the session continued… Audrey began to smile. The technician smiled, too, not at all aware of his mistake. Still, without the same mistake being applied to Staycee… how bad could things be? Hypno sessions were always so obscure to me - no matter how many times it happened, it still always felt like I'd fallen asleep during a movie. The machine was lifted off my head and I looked up at the man with the glasses. I'd been under that helmet so many times that the dizziness that frequented the Hypno processes had left me entirely. Still, I remained where I was for an extra second out of sheer ritual. What had he changed? The dizzy look on the girls face was always his favorite part of this job; that dazed look as a pretty little thing accepted the fact that their mind had been violated, penetrated and taken by force. Any brute could force himself upon a girl, but it took a very special kind of man to taken ownership of her mind. He shook his head and the little smile faded away as he helped the girl from her chair. "How do you feel, pet? Perhaps you should head back to your room and lay down, no?" The usual focus questions; drawing attention to the room-mate, observing reactions? They went unasked. After-all, the technician hadn't realized his mistake. Still, the writing had been written on the walls and it was only a matter of time before the programming took hold of the poor girl before him. "Hurry along, now." I nodded, still in a mild state of bliss, and wandered out into the hallway. It was at least fifteen steps before I realized I wasn't going the right way. I came back into the bedroom a minute later finding Staycee half-undressed, in only her panties and… a bra? I very quickly turned around, my cheeks lighting up. Why was I shy? I'd changed diapers before! "Um… hey. How was… um… Class B." Class B, right? According to the schedule, that could be anything. "It was really fun!" My voice was bright and airy as I fussed over clothes in the closet and turned back around, standing with my knees together and my hands on my hips. "Lookie? First bra. What do you think? I don't really fill it out yet and it's padded, but they said I will." And I had to pause because that notion made me really happy. "I'm really super excited. The class was on proper layering. Like. Putting together outfits and stuff. I mean, the first half hour was everybody being sized for our bras and…" Audrey wouldn't turn around, though, and I pouted a little. "…hey! Come on. Look. It's my first bra, I want to be fawned over!" "Uhhuh…" I felt my cheeks get hot as I approached Staycee, being particularly careful not to look at her chest. But her underwear wasn't a good idea either, so I focused on her toes. Did we get to paint nails sometime in this phase? "It's really nice… super happy for you. Probably getting mine next class, huh? Oh, next class!" I looked at the time - we were both back fifteen minutes early! That meant 45 minutes until my Class B… "…I really should… um… get ready. Redo my hair or something." Why was I so flustered?! It was just Staycee. "Hey…" I took a step forward and cupped the girls cheek softly, directing her gaze up to mine with a little smile. I didn't know where the sudden surge of maternal care had come from, but I was knee-deep in it now and it wasn't like I could stop. "You okay, pretty girl? You seem shaken. Did something happen in Hypno? Did you have Edgar?" I couldn't imagine Edgar actually making her as physically skittish as she was at the moment; he was really a sweet guy despite the evidence to the contrary. So why was she so shaken? "Um… nuh uh…" Her eyes were really lovely… but they were the same as my eyes. The same as everyone’s eyes! Why didn't I find everyone else's eyes so pretty?! I shook my head and pulled away, and then the feeling of her skin not on mine made my stomach sink. I bit my lip and quickly went to the vanity, taking out my pigtails and trying again. "Um… had… the guy with the glasses. He was nice. I mean, he complimented me a lot, which… I guess isn't so weird." I always got compliments here, even as a First. Penelope couldn't even believe I was a boy. A little wince came to my mind and I frowned at the thought. "He flirted with you? Gah. He's so creepy! You're sixteen and he's like a thousand years old. Ew ew ew ew!" I hoisted myself up to sit on the vanity, looking down at Audrey with a smile on my face and nothing on but underwear. "Are you okay? Did you tell him to go to hell?" She didn't, of course; we knew better than to bad-mouth staff, but still. I would've wanted to tell him that. And that's enough. "Couldn't talk. I hate that. Something they did, I'm sure. But it's whatever…" I made absolutely sure not to look at Staycee, keeping my eyes on me in the mirror, adjusting my pigtails, then taking them out again, then starting over. "He's not that old… maybe forty something. And he wasn't flirting. It was just a compliment. Like when I say you're beautiful…" I felt my cheeks heat up and I had to force myself not to break eye contact with myself. "It's not flirting…" My voice had absolutely no confidence, though. I bit my lip and looked down at the girl trying desperately to focus all her attention on her hair with a cheeky little smile on my face. "You think I'm beautiful?" The color that flushed through her cheeks was more than enough answer, but hearing her answer with that pretty little voice of hers would be even better than the blush. And I really liked blushing girls. "Uhhuh…" I tied my hair in pigtails in complete silence, and again, pulled them out. I had already tied one back up when I froze, looking at myself in the mirror. "Oh crap…" I frowned and looked down at the vanity in front of me, grabbing one of the lip glosses. I went to Hypno without it? And after the Headmistress told me specifically… I sighed and smeared as much as I could on my lips, clearly smearing it all over my skin, and tied the other pigtail up. And how did you sit in the chair, Audrey? Like a Third? She was panicking and that caused a little more of my maternal feelings to show as I slid down off the vanity and leaned in close, running my thumb along the outline of her lips to clean away the excess gloss. "Quality, not quantity. Put it on right in as few motions as possible. Like this." I pursed my lips and applied the gloss, one smooth line for each lip. "Then you purse, like this, and then use the edge of your thumb-nail to clean up any excess." I demonstrated those steps and looked down into her brilliant blue eyes. "And you're pretty gorgeous yourself, sweets. You know. For the record." "Uhhuh…" I was transfixed. I didn't know why - she'd put her lipgloss on in front of me once before. And still, the way she… I shook my head, my cheeks burning up, and resumed looking at my feet. What was wrong with me?! She was so uninteresting before… before Hypno? Was this a change they made? I made a mental note to check if I started feeling this way with anyone but Staycee - maybe in my Class B. Oh, no… I'd have to watch everyone else get fitted for bras! I couldn't feel like this with that many people! Ugh! What was wrong with me?! "You look really pale, Audrey. Come on, come lay down. We got like… twenty minutes, right?" I took her by the hand - subconsciously lacing my fingers into hers like I did with the girl in my recurrent dreams - and led the girl over to the bed, pointing with my free hand. "Lay down, come on. I'll sit up next to you and make sure you're up for our next session. Trust me?" I flashed a smile with teeth that had been wonderfully whitened some time during Phase One and in the warm light of our bedroom, it was pretty apparent just how perfect my skin was, too. Almost like a doll. I kept my eyes closed, but I didn't sleep. It wasn't right. They couldn't mess with my head and make my stomach feel weird and make me dizzy and… and it wasn't fair! After Class B, I would stay and ask to speak to the Headmistress. She was always willing to talk to me. I'd tell her whatever they did I wanted it gone. I didn't like it. I just felt so… so anxious. Like at any minute something could jump out of the wall. So I kept my eyes closed and counted silently until Staycee nudged me. I passed a casual smile before hurrying out of the bedroom, giving a wave and dashing down the hallway. It took me a minute of leading against the wall to get my heart rate under control, and it was only then I realized I didn't know what room I was supposed to go to. Ugh… "Hey!" The chipper voice came from a girl with a mess of bright blonde curls that flowed down over her shoulders. Like everybody else, she had sparkling blue eyes; but unique to her were patches of freckles on her cheeks that almost shined when she smiled. "You lost? I'm Aimee. I know, I don't much like it either but my Second was kind of a ditz and had no imagination. What's your name?" "Um… Audrey…" I looked back down the hallway, my room out of sight. Staycee had probably left - it was safe to go back. Still… "I'm not really… lost. I mean. I don't know where I'm going. Gotta get my chart from my room. It's that way." I pointed with my finger, but still, my feet didn't move. "Come on, I'll come with you. What've you got now? I've got Class B. Whatever that means." The airy flow to the girls voice could've sounded dangerously Disney-esque if not for her properly formed and varied inflections; she actually just sounded… happy. But happiness wasn't unusual in Phase Three; by the time most of us got here we were pretty content with the direction we were taking. Still, Aimee managed to carry that happiness with an amazing level of authenticity. "Yeah… um… okay." I led the way down the hall and Aimee followed behind. I knew she had Class B as well, but that didn't surprise me. From what I'd gathered, Class B would be a very different thing for different people. As I suspected, when I made it back to my room, Staycee wasn't there. I let out a small sigh and went over to the paper. Audrey… Week one, Monday… normal day… ID number… I bit my lip and looked up at Aimee. "It's this one, right? 383?" "Yuppers. Looks like we got a class together." She looked over at the vanity and fingered the lipgloss most recently used, before turning around with a smile. "Is she pretty? She's got a good taste in lipgloss." It was an obtuse question, but nothing seemed particularly obtuse coming from this girl. She just had a radiance about her. I pinned the sheet back onto the vanity for safe keeping and slipped the lip gloss Aimee was fingering into my skirt pocket. I wasn't sure why… "She's… she's really pretty. I don't know how. I mean, I knew the moment she got here, and even at lunch and stuff… there's just no one in this whole building as pretty as her. I bet she's prettier than Fourths!" I felt my cheeks heat up at the way I was talking about her and suddenly felt really foolish. "I mean, I don't know how she does it…" The blonde girl smiled knowingly at the girl with a cheeky grin. "Sounds like somebody has a crush. Prettiest girl here? Prettier than me?" She batted her eyelashes and pursed her lips. The answer was clear, though; for everything Aimee had going for her… there was just something lacking. Something Staycee had, a certain flair to the way she carried herself. A spark. That was a good way to put it. A spark that shone so much brighter than any of the conditioning. Something only Staycee had. And it was almost... magical. A crush…? I very quickly shook my head and my cheeks got hot. "No, no, no! It's not like that! It's… it's… just… I'm saying how it is. She's pretty. And I don't mean to be mean or anything - you're pretty too, but she's… but it's not anything. It's just true. It's not like that, I swear…" The silence that followed was dreadfully awkward, though, and I realized how frantic I sounded… "Don't we… um… have to go to class?" The clock already flashed 3:32. "Shoot, yes. Come on." Aimee took off running down the hall; she didn't know much about how all this worked but she did know that being late wouldn't do at all. The clock in the classroom read 3:35 by the time the two girls got there, and it was obvious from the two empty chairs at the tables that they were the only ones who'd been late, too. The woman at the front of the class stopped talking and the class hushed. "Audrey. Aimee. So nice of you both to join us. Class, Audrey and Aimee are of the belief that they have more important things to do than come to class." She turned to the two of them and frowned. "Sit. Be quiet. And if you're lucky, you'll both be given your first bras today." The classes were very small. I counted ten girls along with Aimee and myself. That meant there were five of these classes that took place… though I wasn't sure how that worked with Hypno involved. The woman at the front of the room talked a lot and it was all about clothing. Clothing was never something I was very interested in, even as a boy. The way I saw it, if it was something in my color, I'd wear it. Simple as that. Then she started calling people to the front of the room and, right in front of everyone, the girls would take off their blouses or respective dresses. I thanked whatever God was watching me that I wore a two piece outfit that day. But it was like the teacher said… Aimee and I might not get our chance. After all, she started at the front. "There is nothing that defines you as women more than your breasts, girls. Only the most special of visitors will see below your waistline, and only if you so choose. But your breasts make you a woman. They're on display at all times, they're the defining characteristic that sets you aside from the boys you all once were." Aimee actually looked stressed over the idea that she might not get her bra, and it was with great relief that she was called up next, along with Audrey. "Know that from this point onward, you are girls. You are more girl than you have ever been and more girl than you ever will be. With this simple garment, with the undeniable truth of your breasts… you are girls. And everything else beyond this is merely dessert." She finished fastening Aimee's bra and the blonde girl lit up in a smile that was bright even for her. "Your turn, Audrey." Unlike the others who received garments in simple white… Audrey's bra was blue. Her blue. And it was very obvious from the moment the woman lifted it off her desk. "Are you ready, Audrey?" I was a little concerned, looking back at Aimee as she slid the pinafore back down her body. Her bra was white. Everyone’s bras were white. Even Staycee's bra was white. And mine was blue… "Uhhuh… okay…" The woman helped me into the bra in front of nine other people, fastening it behind my back, and allowed me to put my blouse back on. I'd never felt so uncomfortable… "Audrey, each other girl will earn their bra in their own color. You've been selected by the Headmistress to be the first to do so; to help inspire the other girls." And it was clearly having the desired result… nine pairs of eyes looked enviously at Audrey; the girl who got to have a bra in her own special color. It wasn't resentment or upset… it was out and out envy. Aimee pouted and puffed out her cheeks. "Miss, how do I earn my peach-colored bra?" The woman smiled and looked at Audrey, then at Aimee. "One more of you will earn your color by the end of todays class. So everybody try extra hard. Now, sit down. We have a lot to cover, girls." I… was first? I took my seat, again, at the back with Aimee in complete disarray. What did I do? Or was it randomly chosen? I did get my color on only my second day, so maybe it was related to that. Still, I was late to class… I didn't understand this. Still, it wasn't worth arguing over - I was picked. I should be happy. So I was. I smiled proudly throughout the entire class as the students did their best to impress the teacher before us. Aimee wound up being given her peach-colored bra by the end of the class and by the thing things had come to a close, there were ten more girls in the world who understood the fundamentals of layering, color contrast and matching, and complementary fabric texture. "Who knew there was so much to learn? I wore flip-flops and jeans with a band tee before. Never even considered any of this." Aimee was bubbly, though; she got her bra and as far as she was concerned that made her pretty special. "I'll walk you to your room, but then I gotta go find Lali. She's my roomie. It was really great hanging out with you, though! Make sure to say hi to that cutie of yours for me, alright?" "Uhhuh." I made sure to give Aimee a complimentary goodbye and a heavy congratulations on her bra - though that seemed like the strangest thing in the world if you really thought about it. Aimee left me alone and I wandered into my room. No Staycee. I wandered to the mirror and looked at myself. The bra really did a lot. I mean, it only brought me to an A cup, even with the padding, but still, it seemed so… different. I had curves now. I didn't look ten anymore. It wasn't clear to me exactly what time it was, or how long Audrey had been in the room by the time I stumbled in and collapsed on the bed. But she was here. And now I was. And I felt intensely dizzy and exhausted. "Dun' get it… never felt so bad after Hypno…" I rationalized it to being the longer session, but my vision was blurred and my temples ached and I just wanted the room to stop spinning. Because if it didn't… I might've thrown up. And it was such a pretty bed. I managed to look up for long enough to see Audrey across the room and I smiled. "Pretty bra… your color, right?" "Huh…?" I looked down at my top and my cheeks burned up. White blouse, blue bra. Looks like it was a good thing you were paying attention in class, Audrey, because this outfit wouldn't work without a white under top. I quickly went over to the closet and picked out a camisole, then unbuttoned my blouse, slipped it on, and buttoned it back up. Much better. "So Hypno wasn't good? Sorry to hear…" I still had my back to my roommate. "Head feels like its going to explode…" I pulled a pillow over my head and squeezed it tight, emerging a few moments later to add in. "Come lay with me? Make it all better?" Despite the fact that I was dubious about the healing qualities of cuddles, I was still ready enough to believe in the magic of faith healing when it came to Audrey. She was still facing away, though, fidgeting with her blouse after having slipped into a cami to hide the lines of her bra. I bit my lip and the strange anxiety feeling filled me up again. Lay with her… well of course I was going to lay with her. It was my bed, too! Though this time, unlike as a Second, we each had our own pillows. I climbed in bed, over the covers, and put my head down next to Staycee's. My heart was racing… why hadn't I talked to the Headmistress about this?! Because it wasn't them… I didn't feel the strange anxiety with other people in class. Not with Aimee, and Aimee was so nice. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. What the hell was this…? It wasn't something I'd ordinarily have done, especially given how negatively she'd reacted to my being pushy earlier today… but I rolled over and draped one leg over the girl next to me and cuddled up close to her chest. It wasn't anything intimate, really: just comforting. A friend thing. And she was my best friend, after-all. "Did your head hurt this bad…?" My voice was quiet and contemplative, as if my words might disturb the comfort of us both. "Nuh uh… felt fine the whole time…" It wasn’t entirely true - I felt fine until I got back into the room. But it wasn't the hypnotism. It was Staycee. But it couldn't be Staycee… but with her cuddled close, her forehead against my cheek, her arm and her leg draped over me… I felt my cheeks burning and my heart racing. Maybe she wouldn't notice… if I asked the Headmistress, maybe she could tell me. Maybe she knew - she always knew everything. "You're… anxious." Despite the churning in my head, I managed to sit up and after a half dozen blinks, I even focused my eyes. It was shameful that the only reason I knew so much about her responses was because I used to sedate girls against their will. But this was at least a noble use for the knowledge. "Your heart is racing. And your breathing is off. And your speech is difficult." I crawled up next to her and placed the back of my hand against her forehead. "You're a little warm, too. What's the matter, pretty girl? Let Staycee help. What's got you all flustered and upset?" I shook my head, crawling out from under… but no, I didn't move. I was frozen? No, that couldn't be right… but with her hovering over me, her smile, her eyes, her hand on my forehead, then on my cheek, I felt the walls breaking down. I couldn't move. I didn't want to! And still, my heart rate increased so badly… what the hell… "Um… not… upset, I… just like… um… with…" What was I saying? What was the question? "Come on, prettiness. You can tell me anything." One finger ran up the girls cheek to her hairline and I brushed an errant bang out of the way, looking down at her with the same blue eyes she had. Eyes I'd come to be proud of having. "Is it something that happened in class? I notice your bra is in your color. And I'm sorta jealous. Was it that? Is that why you're upset; the bra thing? Because it's so cute…" My head was still swimming and I'd have been lying if I could claim to be able to even discern the color of her bra anymore. I was fading, and I knew it. But a few more minutes… just to make sure she was okay? I could do that. I couldn't shake my head… couldn't even think of a word to say. I wanted to explain the bra thing - she seemed curious - but somehow those words were lost on me. She was so close… and she smelled so sweet… but the next instant, she was closing her eyes and falling asleep next to me. And I was broken from her trance. "Hey, Staycee? You there? Hey, wake up!" But she wasn't budging. I quickly ran out into the hallway, looking right and left for someone. I didn't know the layout well enough… so I ran. I ran down the hallway knocking on all the doors until someone came out that wasn’t dressed like a twelve year old. "Staycee passed out. Or… or maybe fell asleep. But I can't wake her up!" "I'm fine… I just didn't eat very much at lunch, and you know… we didn't have breakfast." The woman who stood by the side of my bed looked concerned, but not entirely unconvinced. She looked at the worried-and-pacing Audrey and smiled. "I'll go and get you two some food brought up. Take good care of her." The woman left us and I sat up as best I could, looking sheepishly across at Audrey. "Sorry… must've fainted. I'm not sure what happened. Must be the food thing, right? I really didn't mean to worry you. Who was that, anyway? Was she a nurse, or just admin?" I shrugged my shoulders, sitting on the edge of the bed in complete discontent. Between my worry and the anxiety in my stomach, I felt altogether dreadful. "She was just a woman at one of the doors… I didn't ask her name or anything." Still, the food thing made sense. Staycee had so stubbornly eaten only one burger at lunch, and she'd probably skipped breakfast. I smiled a little and put my hand on Staycee's hip. She was under the covers now, though, and it made things easier. "I'm glad you're okay… scared me a little." "I really didn't mean to. I'll eat whatever you tell me to eat when food gets here. You can be in charge of me. How's that sound? Your own little Staycee-doll to feed and take care of?" I meant it as an encouraging statement, but Audrey looked away, biting her lip. "Uhhuh… okay…" I wanted to. I didn't know why, but I wanted to. Why would I want something that made me anxious?! It didn't make any sense! Still, I'd agreed, and that was that. The woman never came back, though a cafeteria worker brought us each a plate of food. I guessed it was somewhere around dinner time, so it seemed we'd be missing the get-together. As instructed, I fed Staycee her food. I ate the burger off her plate and instead fed her my chicken with a plastic fork. It was serene. The chicken was really lovely, and for the entire time I didn't even think about my figure. With the food gone and my dizziness along with it, I reached up and put my hand on her cheek. "Thanks for taking care of me. Nobody really looks out for anyone here. It's why I wanna help you. So thank you, Audrey. You're a doll." We didn't stay up late. We turned the lights out just after dinner and Staycee drifted very quickly off to sleep. Unfortunately, I didn't have the same pleasure with her cuddling so close. It wasn't until exhaustion beat out my anxiety that I managed to follow Staycee’s lead.