Brutal_Ink

Sorry for my very long absence everyone! Life has been a little crazy lately and I haven't had much time to write. This will be the last chapter for Stellar Remnants, and I haven't decided yet if I'll be writing anything more for a while. That being said, I'd like to thank you all for reading as well as for being patient with me between updates. #### Chapter 15: (Sin)gularity Whatever this is, it’s not what Lily imagined death would be like. Her entire body is sore, like she spent the day before working out or doing something really tough physically. Her mouth is parched, and her vision takes a long time to focus when she finally manages to open her eyes. There’s a steady, consistent beeping coming from near her head, and although it takes a surprising amount of effort to turn her head, she sees that it’s coming from a heart monitor. I’m in a hospital? Lily wonders, yawning. It’s only when she moves to rub her eyes that she realizes something is wrong. Instead of her fingers, a soft fabric meets her face. She blinks, confused, and then looks down and realizes that her hands are encased in a pair of thumbless mittens. She wiggles her fingers and realizes upon further inspection that her right hand is wrapped in bandages underneath the mitten. It doesn’t hurt, thankfully, at least not right now. She looks around, realizing that the room has padded walls, and the only furniture is the cot she’s lying on. Even the monitoring equipment is set into the wall, there’s nothing loose that she could possibly use to hurt herself. Even her clothes are basically a one-piece sleeper without feet, and the socks she’s wearing have little grippy pads on the bottom to prevent slips and falls. Lily shifts, trying to get comfortable, and notices then that her diaper is very swollen and heavy. She hasn’t leaked yet, but she definitely needs a change. Her cheeks warm at this realization. “M-Maisie?” Lily says, so softly that she can barely hear herself speak, even though the only other sound in the room is the heartbeat monitor. There’s no response. Not even a rustling or stirring from anywhere. Lily feels cold, and her chest is tight, anxiety slowly crushing the breath out of her lungs. You’re fine! She tells herself sternly. You don’t need to constantly have a grown-up with you to be calm. It’s not like anything can even happen to you in here, anyway. She chokes back a sob, biting her lip with enough force to draw blood as she fights to keep herself quiet. The emotional pressure she feels is unbearable, and the staccato beep-beep-beep of the monitoring equipment is a grim countdown. Just when she’s sure she can’t take it anymore, the door to her room slides open. Lily immediately realizes that the woman in the doorway isn’t Maisie, but she doesn’t look particularly threatening… “Lily? Honey are you okay?” The woman asks, though it’s not clear whether she expects a reply from Lily. Her tone of voice implies that she’s not exactly hopeful for a verbal response. Lily tries to get her breathing back under control so she can speak, mentally reviewing the exercises she’d done with Miss Bright, for specifically this kind of situation. However, her body has other ideas, and the only noise that comes out when she attempts to speak is a soft, shaky sob. “What’s got you so worked up, sweetheart? You’re setting the alarms at my desk off.” The woman says softly, reaching out to gently stroke Lily’s hair. The gesture is more soothing than Lily’d thought it would be and the tightness in her chest slowly begins to ease. She still doesn’t quite trust herself to speak, so she raises a hand to point at the woman, eyebrows raising in a questioning manner. “I’m Vanessa, hon. I’m you’re nurse while you’re staying here with us at the Red Ridge Rehabilitation Facility.” Lily’s stomach clenches at the name. For an awful moment, she’s afraid she’s going to be sick. “Trouble?” Lily manages to croak out, her voice raspy and weak. Thankfully, Vanessa seems to understand what she’s trying to say. “No, sweetie, you’re not in trouble. This is just a place where you can get a little more one-on-one help than the Behavioral Correction Facility can give you. Given your extenuating circumstances, the state has seen fit to commute your sentence.” Lily just blinks. What? “BCFs are meant to guide you toward better decisions, not to drive you to the point of…well…making drastic choices.” Vanessa explains softly, her dark eyes kind and patient. “Where’s Maisie?” Lily wonders. “She’s my…she was watching me when I…” she can’t even bring herself to say it. “Maisie Eisenwald?” Vanessa clarifies. Lily nods. “Yes, that’s her. Is she okay?” Vanessa’s face is difficult to read, but there’s a heavy kind of sadness in her eyes. “Maisie’s alright. She’s no longer working for the Corrections Division, and I’m not sure when or if you’ll be able to see her again.” Lily can feel tears welling in her eyes. “Did she get in trouble ‘cause of me?” “It’s complicated.” Vanessa says after a long pause. “She’s not in trouble, but she’s resigned from the Corrections Division. She took the incident pretty hard, and blames herself for not being fast enough to prevent it.” “But, I’m okay!” Lily cries. “Yes, and we’re all very glad for that.” Vanessa says. “But the outcome could have been very different. You’re incredibly lucky to be alive, Lily. Maisie said she couldn’t bear the thought of something like that happening on her watch again, so she resigned.” This is all my fault… Lily stares at her lap, her face awash with tears. “I’m sorry.” she says, pitifully. “I know.” Vanessa says. She reaches out to pull Lily into a hug. “What will happen to me now? Can I at least call Maisie to tell her I’m alright?” Lily wonders. “No, Lily, you can’t. Not right now at least. Maybe once you’re feeling a little better we can do that. There’s some pretty alarming stuff in your file that we need to address first though. Right now you need to be focusing on yourself so that you can heal.” Lily only sobs. Maisie has been the one person she’s been able to count on through everything, and now even that anchor is gone. “I want Maisie!” Lily wails. “I know you do, sweetie.” Vanessa says sadly. “But I can’t do anything about that right now. Once you’re feeling better, we can try to see if she’d like to come visit. But, even if we do get to that point, it won’t be you reaching out to her. Maisie’s pretty shaken up by everything and it’s for the best right now that you both focus on healing your own wounds.” “But,” Lily begins. “I need her.” “Once you can demonstrate that you’re capable of communicating your needs and allowing others to help you when needed, we can talk about that. Being a Little doesn’t mean you’re completely helpless, even though I know that isn’t the Classification that you wanted for yourself. Sometimes we just have to make the best of the hand we’re dealt.” “I. Want. Maisie!” Lily wails, her voice going raw and gritty from the force of her shouting. Vanessa just gives a sad shake of her head. “Lily, sweetheart…I’m sorry that this is the way you’re having to learn this lesson. Actions have consequences. Sometimes they’re big, and sometimes they’re small. They might not always be bad, but they not good all the time either. That’s why it’s so important to think before you do something, to tell people how you’re feeling before it gets to the point where you feel like you can’t take anymore.” Vanessa explains. Lily isn’t even listening anymore. The thought of facing everything without Maisie to lean on is unbearable. She feels like she’s being crushed, like she’s been sucked into a black hole and no matter what she does or how she tries to fight it, everything just brings her closer to the inevitable. And so, she gives up. Lily retreats into herself, overwhelmed and shattered by the news about Maisie, and unwilling to keep fighting a losing battle. She says nothing in response to Vanessa’s words, is limp and pliant during her diaper change and goes about her day in an almost mechanical fashion. There’s a meal that probably tastes good, if Lily could bring herself enough into the present to experience it. Then some medication, which eases some of the numb emptiness that Lily feels, but not enough that she wants to face the world again. And later, after she’s been bathed and dressed in her pajamas, she stares blankly though her small window and into the night sky. She’d read in school that looking up at the stars was like looking into the past; they’re so far away that it takes the light from some of them millions of years to reach earth. Many of them have probably gone supernova or dimmed or collapsed, but she’ll be long gone before their light ever stops shining in the sky. And that’s how Lily feels now, she realizes bitterly–like a leftover. A spent shell of her former self, dim and guttering, waiting for everyone else to realize that she has nothing left to give. And the worst part of it all is that the entire situation is her own doing. If she’d just listened to what Alex or Maisie had tried to tell her, had taken the help when it was offered instead of being stubborn, maybe she wouldn’t be in this mess. But now, it’s too late. She’s past the point of no return. There’s no way to take back her choices, no way to go back and fix things. There’s only the path ahead, on that leads inexorably and permanently to the thing she’s been trying to avoid this whole time: The life of a Little. Lily doesn’t bother to try stopping the tears this time. She presses her face into her pillow, and cries herself to sleep. Fin

I don't understand what the big deal is unless I'm missing something. A little bit of waistband peekage shouldn't be that big of an issue, as normal underwear normally does that anyway unless you tuck in your shirt...Having one's diaper fully exposed or deliberately highlighted on purpose, I think is a bit egregious though. I do think it's worth pointing out that even if you happen to be wearing printed diapers, unless your clothing is really over-the-top, there's no reason for anyone to assume anything other than that you might have continence issues; In my experience that's usually the go-to before anything kink-related unless the person is trying to make it obvious.

I know it's been a while, but I have been stuck for inspiration, as well as very busy with work, so it took a while to put this chapter together. It's considerably shorter than the other chapters so far, but there's a reason for that. I'm really not one to do content warnings, but I will say that this chapter deals with some dark subject matter at the end. If that's something that bothers you, it might be better to just give this chapter a skip. ### Chapter 14: Spaghettification “Maisie!” Lily cries, practically sprinting into Maisie’s outstretched arms. Maisie catches her easily, lifting Lily onto her hip and giving her a comforting squeeze. “Hi, sweetheart! I missed you!” “I misseded you too!” Lily replies, clinging onto Maisie, unwilling to be put down. Maisie just pats her bottom and smiles at her–she doesn’t mention the diaper, even though she must notice it. “You look cute with your pacifier, little one.” She says, kissing Lily’s temple. Lily looks away, a little embarrassed. “Thank you…” she says quietly. “Thanks for bringing her over, Niki. What time do you need her back by?” Maisie wonders, bouncing Lily a bit on her hip. Miss Niki checks her watch. “We’ve still got about an hour and twenty minutes left of outside playtime, and after that is lunch, and then naptime. Do you have anything important going on in here?” Maisie shakes her head. “I’m free until after lunch–they’re all at a Communications Toolbox session until then. I can just bring Lily back over for naptime if that works for you.” Miss Niki nods. “That’d be fine. Thanks for keeping an eye on her for me; I’d better get out there–poor Ryan is outnumbered.” “Alright.” Maisie chuckles. “See you later then.” And then, Lily and Maisie are alone. “It’s been a while since we’ve had some quality time, hasn’t it hun? What do you wanna do?” Lily just shrugs and sucks on her pacifier, not bothering to point out that Maisie is the one who put her in the other room to begin with. “I dunno.” Maisie rubs her back. “Well, we can play in here, or we can play with the toys in the other room.” “Wan’ go over there.” Lily says, pointing back toward the L-2/L-3 playroom. She almost never gets to play with the Lego sets, and now might just be the perfect opportunity. “We can build Legos?” Maisie smiles. “Sure! That sounds like lots of fun, munchkin.” She says as she carries Lily into the L-2/L-3 playroom. “What should we build, sweetheart?” Lily toddles over to the shelf with the Lego sets, pausing to look them over. She picks out a castle set that looks challenging enough to be fun, but not impossible to finish, and brings it back to Maisie. “This one!” Lily says excitedly, smiling. Maisie grins back at her. “Ooh, good choice!” Lily sits down across from Maisie, dumping out the box to find the instructions and begin sorting through the pieces. By the time she’s actually ready to start building though, she’s somehow ended up in Maisie’s lap. Maisie doesn’t seem to mind though, patiently helping Lily assemble the pieces. She ends up doing most of the work, Lily is just content to cuddle with Maisie, but thankfully, Maisie doesn’t call her out on not helping. Lily’s bladder throbs and she just snuggles closer to Maisie and lets go without really thinking about it; if Maisie notices–and she probably does–she doesn’t say anything about it. “It looks great, munchkin! You did so good!” Maisie praises, giving Lily a squeeze and kissing her temple. “Thanks.” Lily mumbles. “You did most of the work though…” Maisie gives her another squeeze and rocks them a little. “We did it together then. There’s nothing wrong with needing help sometimes, little one. And, it doesn’t mean that your work on something doesn’t matter.” Lily just frowns. “Okay.” she says quietly. She sighs then, heavily, and her face is wet with tears before she can really even register that she’s crying. “Shh,” Maisie says, in an impossibly tender voice. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.” Lily just presses her face into Maisie’s shoulder and sobs. She’s really not even sure why she’s crying; everything just seems like too much. She’s touched by Maisie’s words–they seem true, feel true, resonating with her in a way that hasn’t quite happened before. Her stomach cramps unpleasantly, her body always chooses the most inopportune times to need the toilet, although at this moment, it hardly seems to matter… She’s already fallen so far, and lost so much, it’s hard to convince herself that trying to prove that she can be independent anymore is even worth the effort. So she doesn’t. Lily shifts, snuggling up to Maisie as she gives things a push before allowing nature to take over. There’s more than she’d expected, a lot more, but Maisie doesn’t scold her, or even seem grossed out. Maisie reaches down to pat Lily’s bottom. “Aww, is that why you were so upset? You just had to go poo-poo, huh? I bet you feel so much better now, don’t you sweetheart? Yeah, I think so…” She doesn’t seem to expect Lily to answer, which is strangely comforting. Lily doesn’t feel like talking anyway. She’s content to just cuddle there on Maisie’s lap, as the older girl rubs her back and murmurs soothing things to her. She doesn’t even feel grossed-out by what she’s done–the sensation is different that when Cici does it somehow and her mental counterpart is surprisingly quiet about the whole affair. And then, the smell hits her, and she becomes acutely more aware of her situation. What have I done… Her heart begins to pound as the realization that she’s become the exact thing she’s been trying to avoid begins to sink in. Lily’s breathing comes fast and harsh, ragged and labored, and instead of Maisie’s hug being comforting, it’s stifling. She squirms free, only managing to do so because Maisie is surprised by it. Taking advantage of her newfound freedom, she bolts for the door to the outside, thankful that it’s been left slightly ajar because of the nice weather. Lily pelts onward, tears blurring her vision, though she still manages to avoid being caught. She hurtles over the hot pavement as fast as her legs will carry her. A voice calls out behind her, Maisie probably, but she ignores it as she crosses over onto the nature track that encircles the building. The soft dirt feels better on her feet, but in her haste to get away, she forgets to pay attention to her surroundings. Her foot catches on an exposed tree root and she tumbles off the pathway, landing in the shallow stream next to the trailway with a mighty splash. Coughing and sputtering, Lily scrambles out of the water on the other side, stumbling toward the electrified fence. Her clothes and diaper are waterlogged and uncomfortable, which makes moving difficult, but none of the room monitors have caught up with her yet. They’re closing the distance fast though, and Lily isn’t sure she has the strength to climb the fence, but anywhere is better than here, anything is better than allowing herself to settle into the role of an eternal child–something she’s coming dangerously close to already… A faint buzzing sound and a tingling sensation register once she reaches the fence and she pauses, realizing that even if she wasn’t soaking wet, touching the fence is probably not a good idea. “Lily, don’t touch the fence!” Maisie shouts, her voice raw and desperate. Better dead than useless…Lily thinks and reaches outward, fingers brushing against the metal links. There’s a bright, bluish-white flash, and the breath is driven out of her by the feeling of being kicked by something very large and powerful. It’s painful, but not unbearably so. A wave of dizziness takes hold of her, and the world tilts at a crazy angle, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. The voices from earlier are closer now, but indecipherable, like she’s listening to the from underwater. Lily’s vision begins to darken as she stares up at the cloudless blue sky, and she feels an overwhelming sense of peace. If this is the end…it really isn’t so bad. She thinks, smiling gently as her vision fades into darkness.

Sorry for the long wait everyone, I got busy with life stuff and lost my mojo for a bit. I hope you all enjoy the next part! Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think! ##### Chapter 13: Schwartzchild Radius Lily “Um, are you okay?” Lily wonders. Erin is across from her at the Arts-and-Crafts station, with an almost pained expression on her face. She’s probably the closest thing to a friend Lily has besides Maisie, and it makes her sort of sad to see that Erin is uncomfortable. “Yeah.” Erin replies, her voice a bit strained. She shifts and stands up, leaning over the table and sighing. “‘M just pooping…” Lily immediately regrets asking, but she’s also relieved that nothing serious is wrong. “Oh,” is all she says in response, and then busies herself as best she can with the play dough in front of her. Erin’s noises of effort, while not obnoxiously loud, are distracting, and she ends up sort of watching her anyway. It’s kind of like seeing a bad car accident–Lily knows she probably shouldn’t stare, but at the same time, she can’t help herself. Erin wiggles a bit when she’s finished. “Whoa…” she says, her cheeks coloring a bit as she smiles; whether it’s from embarrassment or relief, Lily can’t say for sure. But, she thinks it’s probably a little of both… Erin turns around to retrieve a coloring book from the shelf behind her, and it’s immediately obvious that she’s in urgent need of a new diaper, even through the loose clothing she’s wearing. {Wow…} Cici murmurs. {She must’ve really had to go!} [Can we not talk about this, please? It’s gross.] Lily replies. {Why? It’s just poop, everybody does it, and there’s even a book that says so.} Cici counters, sounding entirely too pleased with herself. [Please?] {Ugh. Fine. You’re such a wet blanket sometimes. Even you’ve had poopy pants before, I’m not sure why you’re so squeamish about it now.} [Never in a diaper though.] Lily points out, frowning. {Not yet. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything; but I think you know that it’s gonna happen eventually anyway.} Lily just ignores Cici’s comment and goes back to making her snowman out of the blue play dough. It’s sort of frustrating, because her hands are shaking too badly to get the segments to stack on top of each other; they just keep falling over. Lily sighs and smashes them all back together–maybe she’ll make a big snake instead… Erin just sits down and continues coloring like nothing’s even happened. Even though the smell is a dead giveaway. It’s not unbearable, but any of the room monitors will know immediately that one of them needs a change if they happen to come and check on them. Lily resolves not to say anything to the Room Monitors about it, since she knows how irritating it is to be interrupted in the middle of a coloring project. “Doesn’t that bother you?” Lily wonders. “Nope. I don’t mind sitting in a dirty diaper. I don’t wanna be in it for a long time, but it’s okay for now.” “Oh…okay then.” Lily says. “Uh-oh! Somebody needs a diaper change!” Miss Niki says as she comes over to check on them. “Anyone wanna ‘fess up?” Lily resists the urge to remind Miss Niki that pull-ups and diapers aren’t the same thing, and she’s a little proud of herself for remembering to hold her tongue. “I’m not stinky.” She says, and immediately scolds herself for using such childish language. Miss Niki checks her pull-up anyway though. “Oof! Pee-Yew!” Miss Niki says animatedly as she tugs on the waistband of Erin’s diaper. “I bet your tummy feels lots better now, huh? Let’s go and get your butt changed, okay? You can come back and play some more with Lily when you’re all clean.” “Okay!” Erin says, giggling at the expression on Miss Niki’s face as she’s carried away to the changing room. No sooner has the door closed, than Lily becomes extremely aware that she desperately needs to pee. Lily squirms, chewing her bottom lip nervously. The L-2/L-3 playroom has its own bathroom, but the bathroom doesn’t have a toilet inside. There’s a changing station, a sink, and a tub for the really messy changes, but no toilet. Which normally wouldn’t be a problem, since everyone in this playroom is in diapers, but Lily has been stubbornly clinging to her toilet training regardless. Well, as much as she’s been able too, anyway. Her control is slipping for sure, but she still gets enough warning to make it to the toilet as long as it’s close by…most of the time. However, the main issue is that the closest toilet is in the next room over, and she can’t leave this room without a grown-up–room monitor–she corrects herself. The most important part of all is that now Miss Niki is tied up taking care of Erin, and Lily is becoming more and more certain that she’ll have an accident before she has the opportunity to go to the bathroom. [Why are you being so dumb, Lily?] Cici wonders. {I’m not being dumb. I just don’t want to pee my pants. I don’t know why that’s a problem for you…} Lily grumbles in response. She’s grateful to have something to take her mind off the ever-increasing pressure in her bladder; but this isn’t a subject she’d like to focus on. [It’s not a problem. I just don’t understand why you wanna be uncomfy just so you can sit on some dumb chair with a hole in it. You’d feel much better if you’d just go and it’s not like anyone here will be mad at you anyway.] Cici points out. {You don’t get it. It’s not about using the pot–toilet–it’s about what it represents. I won’t be reduced to a pants-wetting drool factory…} Lily continues. [Y’know, you’re totally missing the point of being here. It’s supposed to teach you to make good choices, and you just wanna fight about everything. It’s stupid, and it’s not gonna help you. Nobody cares if you’re in a diaper or pull-up besides you, and the more you try to fight being a Little, the less fun this place is going to be.] {I didn’t ask for advice.} Lily snaps. [Well, you’re gonna hear it anyway. I hafta be stuck in here watching you squirm around like somebody poured sand down your pants, when you could just go and get changed when Miss Niki is done. The next potty break isn’t for like 10 minutes anyway, and we both know you’d be lucky to last half that.] Cici counters, and Lily gets the distinct impression that she’s rolling her eyes. {Since you’re so smart, what do you think I should do, miss bossy pants. You act like you’ve got this place all figured out, so what do you suggest?} Lily grumbles, folding her arms. [Just pee already! You’re not gonna make it to the potty, and then you’re gonna cry and then you’re gonna miss another seminar about how to make good choices and how to decide what to do when you’re in a tricky spot. Which is what got us here in the first place. Your three months is about half over, and you're like five seminars short. You have time to make them up and still get out on time, but not if you keep on like this. Don't you ever wanna get out of here?] Cici complains. {Of course I do!} Lily answers, her eyes welling up with angry tears. {You don’t get it…} [You’re right. I don’t] Cici agrees, but she doesn’t say anything further. After what feels like an eternity, the door to the changing room opens and Erin scurries back over to the table and resumes her coloring. Lily reaches out and grabs Miss Niki’s shirt as she walks by, too afraid to move any more than that for fear of wetting herself. “Yes, cutie? What’s up?” Miss Niki wonders, crouching next to Lily’s chair. “I hafta pee really bad!” Lily whisper-yells urgently. Miss Niki wastes no time, scooping Lily up and heading for the other playroom. “Oh! Good job for telling me honey, let’s hurry!” They arrive at the bathroom in what has to be some kind of record time, but no sooner has Miss Niki set Lily down to help her with her pants, then Lily loses the battle to keep her pull-up dry. In the small, enclosed space, it’s not difficult for Lily to hear it happening, a split second before she feels it happening, and she bursts into tears. “Oh, sweetheart…” Miss Niki says, pulling Lily into a hug. “It’s okay, accidents happen. We almost made it, we just need a little bit more of a heads-up next time, that’s all.” She explains, like it isn’t a big deal at all that Lily has just wet herself. It still feels like a monumental failure to Lily, especially when she feels a warm trickle making its way down the inside of her leg. Miss Niki rubs Lily’s back. “Poor little one, you really had to go, didn’t you?” Lily nods. “‘M sorry…” she wails. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Lily. As soon as you’re done, we’ll have you all clean and dry in no time.” Somehow, that’s not very comforting, especially given what it means for Lily. Lily is still for another moment or two, the wet patches on the insides of her thighs and probably also around her bottom steadily growing larger until she’s finally done. Even her socks, she realizes through her tears, haven’t been spared. “Are you all done, babe?” Miss Niki wonders. Words are far away, blocked by the shame and embarrassment Lily feels, and her dread of what’s to come. She can only nod in response. “Okay.” Miss Niki says, pressing a kiss to Lily’s forehead. “You’re not in trouble and I’m not mad at you, I promise. Can Miss Niki help you get cleaned up?” Lily nods again. She would much rather have Maisie do it, but that would require her to speak–and she’s sort of afraid of hurting Miss Niki’s feelings by asking for someone else when she’s been so nice to her. “Alright munchkin.” Miss Niki says, opening the cabinet under the sink to take out the supplies she needs to help Lily. She spreads the changing mat out in front of her and gently lays Lily down on it. Lily just lets Miss Niki maneuver her as she pleases, going limp and pliant; too upset with herself to put up any sort of fight. “Let’s get these icky wet clothes off.” Miss Niki says, though she doesn’t seem to expect a response from Lily. “That’s better!” she continues with a big, cheerful smile and Lily smiles a little in response. Miss Niki gives a surprised gasp. “Is that a smile I see?” She wonders, tickling Lily’s sides just long enough to elicit a giggle. Lily squirms a bit when the cold wipes touch her skin, but she does her best to stay still and be good. It’s only when Miss Niki starts unfolding the diaper that she tenses up again, but not enough to cause trouble for Miss Niki. “Diapee?” Lily wonders as her legs are lifted, finding her words again for a moment. It’s not what she meant to say, but she doesn’t get the same lightheaded feeling that she does when Cici is using her to speak. “Yes, little one, it’s a diaper, that’s right.” Miss Niki praises with a smile as she finishes powdering Lily’s bum and tapes the diaper on snugly. “You’re not being punished, okay Lily? We’re just gonna take a little break from worrying about the potty, and then we’ll try again in a few days if you want, okay?” Lily nods. Miss Niki gently tugs Lily’s hands away from her mouth before helping her to stand up. “Don’t chew on your fingers sweetheart, your hands are dirty and you might get sick. I can get you a binky when we go back to the playroom if you want though. Would you like that?” “Mhmm,” Lily says before she can stop herself as Miss Niki helps her into a dry pair of sweatpants and socks. “Okay, we can do that. I don’t have any spare shoes for you here, so we’ll have to stay inside for now, okay? I’m sure we can find something fun to do when the rest of the group goes to outside playtime in a bit though.” “Visit Maisie?” Lily wonders. “I think that can be arranged.” Miss Niki says, patting Lily’s bottom. “All done. I bet it feels much better to be all dry, doesn’t it?” Lily nods. The diaper really isn’t that bad, and throwing a fit about it won’t change anything. And, she’s too drained to pretend to hate it at the moment. She expects Cici to pipe up and tease her about this new development, but she is silent. “Let’s wash our hands, and then we’ll go back and play some more, okay? Can you do it yourself or do you need help?” Miss Niki wonders as she gathers Lily’s wet things into a plastic bag and dropping them in the laundry chute across from the toilet. “Lily do it.” Lily responds, registering that something isn’t quite right about what she’s just said, but unable to put her finger on it. She even hums ‘happy birthday’ so Miss Niki knows that she’s doing it right. “Good job!” Miss Niki praises, taking a moment to wash her own hands before scooping Lily up again. They return to the playroom, and Erin greets Lily with an enthusiastic wave. Lily waves back and then heads back to her seat across from Erin. “Are you okay?” Erin wonders, looking concerned. “Yeah…I wet my pants.” Lily mumbles, too embarrassed to look Erin in the eye. “And now I gotta be in a diapee…” “Oh,” Erin says, seeming to pick up on Lily’s apprehension. “Well, at least you don’t have to worry about the potty for a bit though. And it’s only for a couple of days, so you don’t have to do it for a long time if you really don’t like it.” Erin lowers her voice to a whisper. “Can I tell you a secret?” Lily perks up immediately–Erin must not think she’s that much of a baby if she wants to tell secrets. “Your secret’s safe with me.” “I kinda like ‘em to be honest. The diapers I mean. I’m a lot less stressed out now that I don’t need to worry about having accidents all the time.” Erin’s cheeks color a bit. “Yeah…that makes sense.” Lily says. “They’re really not as bad as I thought they would be…” she continues, until Erin reaches across the table to grab her wrist. “You probably don’t wanna eat that…” Erin says, and Lily realizes that she’d been about to put her play dough in her mouth. She blushes and goes back to rolling it into a ball. “Thanks.” Miss Niki comes by and clips a plain yellow pacifier to Lily’s shirt. “You don’t have to use it if you’ve changed your mind, but here you go, just in case.” She says. “Thank you,” Lily says quietly. Miss Niki kisses the top of her head. “You’re welcome sweetie. Play nice now, okay?” she tells them, and then she’s gone. Lily looks down at the pacifier, turning it over in her hands before giving it an experimental suck. It takes her a moment to find her rhythm, but it’s actually kind of nice, she realizes. “You look kinda cute with that Lily.” Erin says, smiling at her. “Don’t be embarrassed. If anyone makes fun of you, I’ll push them into the mud.” Lily giggles despite herself. “Thanks.” she says around the pacifier before going back to her play dough. It’s only when she’s successfully built her snowman, that she realizes that her hands aren’t shaking anymore.

I am also from Hanover

Sorry for the long wait everyone, work has been crazy busy lately. Thank you all for your patience! ##### Chapter 12: Event Horizon Lily’s hands are trembling. The cup of water Miss Bright’s given her to drink sloshes down the front of her shirt, and she doesn’t even have the energy to be mad about it. “Oh.” Is all she says, in a quiet, tremulous voice. Her right hand comes up to hold the cup still, though that’s more Cici’s doing than her own. It’s a strange and terrifying thing for Cici to have so much control over her actions. She may as well be watching a movie about her life, rather than actually participating in it for all the control she has. At least with two hands she can actually quench her thirst… She lets out a long, tired sigh. “Did you say I have a visitor?” Lily wonders, she hadn’t really been paying too much attention to what Miss Bright had said. “I thought that wasn’t allowed…” Miss Bright nods. “I did. You’re allowed to have visitors as long as they pass a background check. Visitors can be very helpful in these kinds of facilities, especially given the symptoms you’ve been having lately.” Miss Bright pauses to consult her notes. “Oh, okay.” Is all Lily says. “Speaking of which, have you been taking your medicine, Lily?” Lily nods. “Yeah.” “How have you been feeling? Is the medication helping?” [Do you think it’s been helping?] Cici wonders {I don’t know! You won’t leave me alone!} Lily replies in a huff. [Do you want me to leave you alone?] Cici wonders, sounding surprisingly sincere. {Yes!} Lily answers. [Okay.] Cici says, and then there’s a strange quieting in Lily’s head. {Hello?} Lily says, probing, but there’s no response. Hello? Is anyone there? Compared to the noise of the last several days, it’s almost too quiet. She’s never really understood the meaning of an oppressive silence until now. The lack of noise in her head is unnerving, after putting up with Cici’s companionship over the last week and a half, being alone with her own thoughts isn’t the relief she’d thought it would be. “Lily? Are you listening?” Miss Bright’s brows draw together in concern. “Huh? Oh, I guess it’s been helping a little…” Lily admits quietly. Uncomfortable with the direction their conversation has taken, she sticks her pacifier in her mouth to indicate that she’s done speaking for the moment. The trembling in her hands eases. “I’m glad to hear that, Lily. If you start to feel unwell after taking it, make sure to let Maisie or me know, okay? We can adjust the dosage to see if that helps, and if it doesn’t, there are plenty of other things we can try.” Miss Bright says. Lily just nods. “Are you ready to go and see your visitor, Lily?” Miss Bright wonders. Lily sucks a little harder on her pacifier, anxious and worried about who could possibly have come to see her. It’s hard to imagine that Alex or Darren would want to visit her, and as much as she doesn’t want to admit it, she doesn’t really have any friends besides them… [Oh, for crying out loud! Just tell her you’re nervous! She’s not gonna bite you, pinky promise.] Cici intones, sounding a bit frustrated. [I know you said you wanted quiet, but this is just painful to watch.] {No...it’s okay. I just don’t want her to think I’m...you know…} [Even if you’re not wearing one right now, Maisie and Miss Bright have both changed your stinky diapers already. And, they haven’t made fun of you either, so I don’t think you need to worry...Did you miss me?] {No...Well, maybe a little.} [I knew it!] {Alright, alright, you don’t have to rub it in.} Lily takes a breath and nods again. “Yes, Miss Bright.” She pauses for a moment before adding: “Can...can Maisie come with me? Please?” She feels very small and vulnerable, admitting that she doesn’t feel comfortable facing her visitor alone, but Miss Bright doesn’t seem to be judging her for it. “Of course she can, if that would make you feel more comfortable.” Miss Bright says with a smile. “You’re doing much better with communication Lily, I’m proud of you.” Lily feels her face heat up a bit at the compliment. “Thank you,” she replies quietly. [See? Toldja!] Cici says, and Lily gets the distinctive impression that she’s smiling. {Yeah, I guess you were right.} Miss Bright waits with Lily until Maisie shows up to collect her. Lily fidgets a bit, both because she’s nervous, and because she has to pee. She hasn’t reached the ‘emergency’ crisis point yet, but it’s definitely at the point where she should probably say something… [Are you gonna say something?] Cici wonders. {I will, just not right now…} Lily answers. [Why? I thought you didn’t want to be in diapers...] Cici points out. {I just...I don’t know.} Lily admits. And then, almost as if she’s been listening to the conversation happening in Lily’s head, Miss Bright says: “Lily, do you need to go potty?” Lily shakes her head. “I’m okay.” Miss Bright doesn’t seem convinced, and she takes Lily by the hand and leads her over to the bathroom. “Let’s try anyway, okay? You’re getting awfully squirmy over there…” Lily sighs. She knows that arguing over it is useless, especially when she actually does need to go. She heads into the bathroom and sits down on the toilet, and she’s grateful for Miss Bright’s insistence that she at least try, because she’d had to go a lot worse than she’d realized. She finishes doing her business and washes her hands before heading back out to Miss Bright. Miss Bright checks her pull-up--after being here for almost a month at this point, it’s not really so embarrassing anymore. “All clean and dry. Good job!” Miss Bright praises. Then, Maisie breezes into the room, scooping Lily into a hug. “Hi sweetie! Are you ready to go see your visitor?” She asks, settling Lily onto her hip. Lily allows herself to cuddle with Maisie for a moment before answering. “Yeah...Who is it?” “Somebody named Alex. She seemed pretty excited to see you.” Maisie explains, rubbing Lily’s back. “Oh.” Lily’s heart drops into her stomach. She’s glad that Alex has come to see her, but she isn’t sure that she can face her former roommate now that she’s so...different. She can feel her hands beginning to tremble again, and puts her pacifier in her mouth to try and keep the tremors at bay. [It’ll be okay.] Cici says gently. {Thanks,} Lily replies. The Visitation Room is large and open, with couches and tables to sit at. There’s enough space that private conversations can be had, but it’s not so open as to feel cavernous. There are a few staff members around the edges of the room, not obtrusive or overbearing, just there in case they’re needed. Alex is sitting on one of the couches, dressed in jeans and a long t-shirt, and there’s a small bag in her lap. Maisie sets Lily down on the ground and gives her a nudge toward Alex. “Go on and say ‘hi’. I’ll be right here if you need me, okay?” Lily swallows hard and nods. “Okay.” Her feet feel like they’re made of lead as she walks over toward Alex. Her mouth works around her pacifier, suckling desperately to try and calm herself down. “Hey,” Alex says, pulling Lily into a hug. “I missed you.” Tears spring to Lily’s eyes, and she presses her face into Alex’s shoulder. “I missed you too…” Lily replies, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” Alex rubs Lily’s back. “It’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes; what’s important is to learn from them. How are you doing, hon? You look like you’ve lost some weight since you’ve been here. Are they feeding you?” Lily nods. “Yeah. I...I’m okay. I just haven’t had much of an appetite lately.” She admits. It’s a side-effect of her medication, but she doesn’t feel ready to tell Alex about all that yet. “I’m sure it’s a really big adjustment to be here. I miss you, you know. I know I’m not a caregiver, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like having you around. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t welcome or something before all this happened.” Alex’s face twists. “I didn’t feel that way at all.” Lily reassures her quickly. “I know I wasn’t always easy to deal with. I’m sorry about that too.” “It’s okay. I was just really stressed out from work, and I took some of that out on you. That was wrong of me, and I apologize. I even brought a little peace offering.” Alex explains, withdrawing a small plush octopus from the bag in her lap and presenting it to Lily. The octopus is a pale blue color, with big, happy eyes and a silly smile. [Aw, he’s so cute!] Cici squeals excitedly. Lily smiles, a real, genuine smile for the first time in what feels like ages. “Thank you! He’s adorable!” Alex smiles back at her, reaching out to ruffle her hair. “I’m glad you like him. I just want you to know that even though you’ll probably be living with a Caregiver after all this is over, you’re more than welcome to visit, if you want. I don’t even mind babysitting on occasion.” Lily blinks, touched by Alex’s offer. “Really?” Alex nods. “Of course. It wouldn’t be any trouble at all.” “Even if…” Lily trails off and swallows hard before continuing. “Even if I’m in diapers now?” It’s not entirely true--pull-ups don’t really count--but it seems like the best option to at least be open about that with Alex. “That’s probably for the best, hmm? I don’t mind that either, Lily, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve changed your butt if you end up needing it when you’re visiting me.” Lily’s cheeks heat up immediately at that statement. “Yeah.” She says quietly. “I guess not. Are you sure it’s okay? I can be um...really little sometimes…” Alex just shrugs, almost like she’d been expecting to hear that. “It’s really not a big deal, I promise.” “It’s not like...It’s different from before.” Lily hedges, unwilling to tell Alex exactly what’s been going on recently. “It’s hard to explain.” [Want to just show her? I won’t do anything crazy, I promise.] Cici wonders. “Take your time.” Alex says gently. “I have off work today anyway. I didn’t want to have to cut our visit short.” “Oh...Maybe it’s better if I show you.” {Sure. Okay. Just let me watch what’s happening.} Lily requests. [Okay. Here we go...] ***CSR*** Cici Cici clenches her jaw and swallows hard. The nausea passes quickly, but throwing up on Alex would not make for a good first impression. The warm rush in her pull-up can’t be helped though. She slips her pacifier into her mouth, thankful that Maisie had clipped it to her shirt, and looks at Alex inquisitively. There’s no real way for her to know that Cici’s in control now, and it wouldn’t do at all to do something completely out of character for Lily to get the message across. “Hi.” She says around the pacifier, her voice soft and demure, barely above a whisper. She shuffles a bit closer, so she can stand between Alex’s legs. She reaches toward Alex and quietly murmurs: “Up?” Alex smiles at her and lifts Cici into her lap. “Of course!” she answers, giving Cici a comforting squeeze. “You’re not usually this clingy, but I don’t mind. And that pacifier is really cute.” Cici’s blush belongs as much to Lily as it does to her. “Thank you,” she says, snuggling up to Alex. “You’re welcome,” Alex answers, rubbing Cici’s back. If she’s uncomfortable with a greater degree of tactile affection, she doesn’t show it. They stay that way for a few moments until Cici squirms free form Alex’s lap. She feels a mounting pressure in her tummy, and although she’s not about to ask to be taken to the potty, she doesn’t want to do her business in Alex’s lap either… She settles for ducking behind the couch instead. Cici does her best to be quiet while she relieves herself, but the mess is much larger than she’d thought it would be, and she isn’t entirely successful in muffling her noises of effort. Alex chuckles. “You okay back there, Lil?” “Mhmm…” Cici says absently as she finishes, waddling around to face Alex again. Her pull-up has contained her accident, so far as she can tell, but she knows she needs to get changed sooner rather than later. Fortunately, Maisie comes to her rescue before she has to explain herself to Alex. “We’ll be right back.” Maisie says quickly, scooping Cici up. Alex doesn’t even seem fazed by Cici’s accident, she just nods and says: “Alright, I’ll be here.” Cici allows Lily to take control again once they’re away from Alex. Lily {Did you really have to poop? At least in front of Alex?} Lily wonders, the residual embarrassment that lingers is enough to make her cheeks feel warm. [You know the answer to that. I’m sorry, I really couldn’t help it okay? I wasn’t trying to make you look bad or anything.] Lily sighs. {I know. I’d just have preferred not to have a load in my pants the first time she sees me in over a month…} [Yeah...I can understand that. Sorry again.] {Don’t worry about it. It probably would have happened eventually anyway.} “Penny for your thoughts?” Maisie wonders as she lays Lily down on the changing table and gets to work cleaning her up. “I was just thinking…” Lily replies absently. “Your friend seems nice.” Maisie points out. “She must really have missed you to take time off work to come and visit.” Lily nods. “Yeah. I didn’t tell her about my medications or anything though. She might not like that so much. I don’t want her to think I’m...crazy.” “That’s not really something she needs to know about right now. I doubt that she’d think you’re crazy, but you don’t need to say anything about it if you’re not comfortable.” Maisie tells her. “Okay.” Lily says. “If the medication doesn’t help, then we may need to transfer you to a different facility for some more intensive treatment. Alex will still be able to visit you there if it comes to that though.” “Oh.” Is all Lily says. She’d kind of figured that, but hearing it cemented out loud is a whole different beast. She sucks in a shaky breath and tries to put it out of her mind as Maisie finishes taping on her new diaper. Lily doesn’t even bother to protest. “All done!” Maisie says cheerfully, lifting Lily onto her hip. “Thanks.” Lily says in a quiet voice. “Can we go see Alex again now?” Maisie gives her a comforting squeeze. “Of course we can, sweetheart.”

I really enjoyed this chapter! Your descriptions are wonderful, and it was nice to get a look into Joyce's world. I think there will definitely be some kind of dialogue about getting separated, but I can't see Joyce being too upset with Emily or vice-versa. Joyce is there for business as you stated, so she can't very well ignore potential business partners/clients... Emily will probably beat herself up a bit like she usually does, but I'd like to think there will be a happy resolution at the end of it all. Still, I'd have thought she would have been a bit more observant, since she was so anxious. In any case, excellent work, and I look forward to seeing what happens next!

I have to agree. I'm a small fish here, but pretty much all of the interactions I've had here have been fairly pleasant. I got some constructive criticism on a story I've been working on recently, though it was more over a stylistic choice than the writing quality. No one has been cruel or rude to me over anything I've posted, and most people who've interacted with me either wanted clarification on something, or to offer a suggestion. That being said, posting anything on a public forum like this one is an invitation for criticism and feedback, so there isn't much that can be done about that.

Colors have been removed, hopefully that helps.

Alright, I've tweaked some formatting. The color changes for speakers will be removed, but I've added different brackets, hopefully that will make it easier for text-to-speech users to follow along. There won't be any changes to the format after this though, it's already becoming quite a chore to edit. Thanks for all your feedback everyone! ##### Part III: Black Holes Chapter 11: Accretion +Lily+ “‘Jiminy Dickhead?’ Really? That was a little harsh.” Aden says, rolling his eyes. Lily frowns and settles into the chair across from him. Everything here has a sort of hazy, otherworldly shimmer about it all. Being inside of her own head is a strange experience indeed, but Cici hadn’t been lying about her being able to will things into existence with her imagination. Nor, unfortunately, is she wrong about Lily needing more practice with her ‘‘magination muscles’. “I thought it was a pretty good pun.” Lily replies. “It wasn’t bad.” Aden concedes. “Could you at least imagine something more comfortable than a kitchen chair? My feet are falling asleep.” “You mean your imaginary feet? The ones that don’t need circulation since you’re, you know, a figment of our imagination and all? God, what a weird sentence…” Lily muses. She does manage to upgrade their seats to easy chairs, but not without considerable effort. “How long do you think I’ll be stuck here for?” If she didn’t have Aden to distract her, she’d probably be a lot more worried about the fact that her awareness of what’s going on in the outside world has almost disappeared completely. It’s become like the dull, faint buzz of background conversation on a TV show. Aden shrugs. “However long you want to be. I’m sure you could take control back from Cici if you really wanted to, or if there was some kind of emergency. Is there really any harm in letting her play though?” Lily frowns. “I mean, I guess not.” “She is you, you know, just a different part of you.” Aden points out. “I don’t suppose I’ll ever be normal again, will I? I don’t want to go through life with a psyche that’s about as intact as my old credit card after a trip through the shredder…” Lily chuckles bitterly. “That mostly depends on you.” Aden says calmly. “If you’d stop fighting being a Little so much, then you’d probably start feeling a little more like yourself. Look, I know you hate the idea of being a Little with every fiber of your being, but it’s really not all that bad. Cici’s having fun with it.” “Well, yeah, but Cici’s--” Lily begins, but Aden interrupts. “The part of you that actually enjoys being a Little...You might actually enjoy it too, if you didn’t spend all your time hiding in here.” Aden points out. “She’s literally offering you the best of both worlds right now, and you’ve chosen to stick your head in the sand. I don’t see how that’s supposed to be helpful.” Lily frowns, glaring at Aden. “Shut up.” “I’m not wrong.” Aden replies confidently. Lily sighs. “Fine. I guess there’s no harm in watching…” Aden grins. “See? Progress at last.” Lily pokes her tongue out at Aden. “Whatever. You don’t have to be such a smug asshole about it.” Aden just chuckles. {Cici?} [Hi! Whatcha doin’?] Cici’s voice is light and bubbly, like bottled happiness. Or champagne. {Nothing. Just sitting in here in my imaginary lounge chair. Mind if I see what you’re up to?} [Sure! I’m just playin’ with Maisie. She’s super fun and nice. Are you really that afraid of being around other Littles?] Cici wonders, with the same tactless approach one would expect from a small child. Lily’s awareness of the outside world returns, slowly and faintly, but it resolves enough to show her that Cici’s hands don’t tremble like hers do. She’s sort of clumsy, and her handwriting is terrible, but she’s not nearly as timid when it comes to playing as Lily is. She’s playing with blocks and dolls and stuffed animals, weaving a dramatic story with Maisie’s help, whereas Lily would be perfectly content just coloring by herself. Watching the story unfold and feeling Cici’s happiness--however filtered it may be--almost makes her feel...jealous. {Maisie is really nice. And I’m not afraid, it just makes me uncomfortable. They’re all so unpredictable and disorganized and loud…} [So? That’s part of what makes it so much fun! It’s not like anything really bad can happen to you anyway. There’s grown-ups everywhere, and they’re always watching] Cici points out. {I know that, it’s just…} Lily sighs. [You know what I think? I think you’re scared you might like it. Grown-up, potty-mouth Lily might actually like having someone take care of her. She might not hate being in diapers, or drinking from bottles and sippy cups, or even taking naps.] Cici’s voice turns smug. Cici’s words hit entirely too close to home for Lily’s comfort. It’s not really surprising that she knows all that, because they do share the same mind after all, but it’s jarring and unpleasant to hear it spoken aloud. Lily grits her teeth. {You know what? Just fucking forget it. Have fun shitting yourself.} [You’re really mean…] Cici’s voice is watery and soft, like she’s about to cry. {You’re not actually gonna cry, are you?} Lily wonders, feeling surprisingly guilty over the possibility. Cici doesn’t respond. Lily sighs again. Shit… ~CSR~ “Sweetie, are you okay?” Maisie wonders, pulling Cici into a hug. “What’s wrong?” Cici returns the hug before speaking. “I’m okay. Lily’s just being a meanie. She’s mad ‘cause I told her the truth.” “The truth about what, honey?” Maisie wonders, rubbing Cici’s back. “That she’s afraid of being a Little because she might like it.” Cici explains. “I mean, I know that’s not the only reason she doesn’t like it, but it’s a big one. I just wish I could help.” Maisie nods. “I understand that. I’ll admit, I’m not really sure how everything works between you two, but I do know that sometimes we need to let people go at their own speed. Trying to force someone to accept something isn’t very nice, even if it might help them in the long run.” Cici frowns. “But it’s stupid! She’s gonna keep hurting herself--and me--by fighting it so much.” “That must be pretty scary.” Maisie concedes. “But we can’t force people to do what we want. Even if we’re trying to help. People need to be allowed to make their own choices.” “Even if it hurts other people?” Cici wonders. Maisie nods sadly. “Sometimes. I wish things didn’t have to be that way.” {I’m not hurting you.} Lily says acidly. [Yes you are!] Cici replies angrily. {I said a sort-of-mean thing to you, big deal. That’s not the same as me hurting you. Grow the fuck up.} Lily snaps. [How would you feel if someone was trying to pretend you didn’t exist all the time?] Cici fires back. {I would fucking ignore them back. I don’t see what the problem is.} Lily replies. [You’re a butthead, Lily! You don’t gots any friends, and now I know why! I don’ wanna be your friend either!] Cici says, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. {I don’t want to be your friend either, you dumb brat! I want my life back! I want my cigarettes, and a beer, and to be as far away from you as humanly possible.} Lily gripes. “Are you okay?” Maisie wonders, patting Cici’s back and interrupting her silent conversation with Lily. “No…” Cici sniffles. “Lily said she doesn’t want to be friends with me. And, she said I was a dumb brat.” “Oh,” Maisie pulls Cici into a hug. “Well that wasn’t very nice of her was it? You’re certainly not dumb, or a brat. I’ll definitely be having a talk with her about that. For now, you have an appointment with Miss Bright, and then I’ll come to get you for some quality time, okay?” Cici just nods. “Okay,” Her tummy rumbles ominously, and she hesitates to reach for Maisie to be carried. She allows herself a little smile as she realizes how to get Lily back for being so mean. {Don’t you dare, you little shit!} Lily protests immediately. [I warned you what would happen if you kept bein’ a poopy-head]. Cici replies, and allows nature to take its course, before reaching for Maisie. “I’m ready to go to Miss Bright now.” she says. Maisie chuckles. “I don’t think so, cutie. Let’s take care of that stinky diaper first, and then we can go.” Maisie lifts Cici onto her hip. {Cici, that’s disgusting!} Lily seethes. [Not really. It’s not that bad, and besides, it’s what Littles do.] Cici fires back. {Not all of them! And especially not me.} Lily growls. Cici gives a little wiggle in response. [Really? ‘Cause, um, this diaper is definitely full. You can take over now, I’m pooped.] Cici allows herself to giggle at her own joke. {Cici, you little shit--} Lily begins, but Cici doesn’t allow her to finish. [Well, that was a silly thing to say,] Cici interrupts, before surrendering control back to Lily. ~CSR~ +Lily+ “Cici, you little shit!” Lily snarls angrily, her upper lip curling both at the sensation in her diaper, and the rolling in her stomach that accompanies their switch. If her stomach hadn’t already been empty, she thinks she’d probably throw up again. [Serves you right, you rotten, terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad, meanie!] Cici’s voice reverberates inside Lily’s head. {I hope someone puts gum in your hair you big baby.} Lily snaps back. [It’s your hair too, stupid!] Cici points out. {I can handle a short haircut for a while.} Lily answers Maisie clears her throat, and Lily winces. “I said that out loud, didn’t I?” [Ha-ha, Lily got in trouble!] Cici sing-songs, sounding entirely too pleased with herself. {Can it, twerp!} Lily snaps back, grinding her teeth in frustration. (That’s enough out of both of you. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.) Aden intones calmly. [Fine!] Cici grumbles. {Fine!} Lily replies simultaneously. Maisie nods. “Yes, you did.” "Sorry.” Lily says automatically, wrinkling her nose. “Oh, yuck...this is so gross!” “We’re going to change your diaper right now, Lily. Just, try not to squirm around too much, you’ll just make it worse.” Maisie explains. “I can’t believe that brat did this to me!” Lily complains. “I’m not the one who wanted to be in a diaper, and I don’t think I should be the one to suffer for other people’s choices!” She pouts. “Cici didn’t seem to mind all that much.” Maisie points out. “Yeah, well I’m not Cici!” Lily shouts. [Yeah, you are. Just ‘cause you don’t call yourself that doesn’t mean that we aren’t the same.] Cici admonishes, sounding entirely too smug for Lily’s liking. {Fuck. Off.} Lily snaps. [Aden, Lily’s being mean again!] Cici whines. “There’s no need to yell, Lily. I understand that you’re upset, but please use your inside voice.” Maisie reminds her. “Okay,” Lily says dejectedly. Keeping track of her conversation with Maisie in addition to Cici and Aden is giving her a headache. {No one likes a tattle-tale, Cici.} Lily scolds, and she gets the very distinctive impression that Cici is sticking her tongue out in response. [Yeah? Well no one likes getting peed on either!] Cici snaps. {What the hell are you talking about?} Lily wonders. {Are you threatening to make me pee on Maisie when I get changed?} [Yep. Unless you say you’re sorry for being a meanie.] Cici bargains. {Not a chance you brat.} Lily grumbles. {You can’t make me do that anyway.} [I can make you do lots of things, Lily. I just don’t because I’m nice.] Cici replies. {No you can’t!} Lily counters. [You don’t believe me? Watch this.] Cici’s voice takes on a threatening undertone, and Lily’s eyes immediately well up with tears. “Aww, it’s okay. It’s just a dirty diaper, we’ll have you all cleaned up in no time.” Maisie soothes, rubbing Lily’s back. {Why am I crying? Cici, stop this!} Lily commands. [No.] Cici answers bitterly. [Not ‘til you say ‘sorry’!] True to her word, Maisie makes quick work out of getting Lily cleaned up once they arrive at the changing station. “Do you want a pull-up, or another diaper, Lily?” Maisie wonders. “Diaper,” Lily says in a quiet voice through her tears, her lips moving without her consent. {No! Cici, stop!} [I can work you like a puppet you butthead. Say sorry, or else it’s gonna get even worse!] Lily’s head throbs. “Okay, that’s no problem. I was kind of expecting you to go for the pull-up, but if you don’t feel up to using the potty right now, that’s fine.” Maisie says as she fastens the tapes securely, and lifts Lily back onto her hip. “Can I have my paci?” Lily’s voice sounds small and afraid, not like her normal speaking voice at all. {Cut it out!} Lily fumes. {I don’t want a pacifier!} [Really? I coulda sworn you just asked for one…] Cici replies smugly. Maisie looks at Lily quizzically for a moment before complying with her request. “Here you go, sweetie. I didn’t think you’d want a pacifier, but it’s fine if you changed your mind about it. Let’s dry those tears, and we’ll go and see Miss Bright, okay?” Maisie’s voice is soft and soothing. “Okay,” Lily replies around her pacifier. She tries to spit it out, but finds that she’s sucking on it instead. Her tears slowly subside as Maisie comforts her. Really, it’s Cici’s doing, but there’s no way for Maisie to know that. [I’m waiting…] Cici says. {Fine. I’m sorry. Are you happy now?} Lily snaps. [I dunno. That was a pretty grumpy apology...I’ll tell you what: apology accepted, but, now you’re gonna want to have your pacifier close by all the time. You’ll get super anxious if you don’t have it, and I won’t even hafta do anything!] Cici giggles malevolently. Lily feels a chill crawl up her spine. {What?} [I’m gonna make you get anxious when you don’t have your paci with you! Won’t that be fun? Maybe it will remind you to be nice to me. If that doesn’t work, you’ll be drinking from a bottle, and if that doesn’t work, then I’ll take your potty-training too!] Cici warns. {You can’t do that! This is my body, not a toy for you to play with!} Lily growls. [Doesn’t look that way from where I’m standing. You better be nice to me from now on, Lily. I mean it.] Cici tells her. Lily sighs. Fuck my life.

No worries, they are the same thing. DID was previously known as split personality disorder. For sure! ? There really isn't any other way to differentiate speakers in this part of the story. Using brackets [] or parenthesis () just gets too confusing. I tried using those in combination with bold and italics on another forum, but it ended up just being a mess. That's why I changed the colors. I can try to find a darker shade of pink to use for Lily if that would be helpful though. I'm glad you enjoyed it! I've wanted to do something like that in a story for a long time, I just couldn't figure out how to format it for easier reading

Trying something new with this chapter! Hopefully it's not too jarring. I wanted to do something to make it a little less confusing, and I'm sure you'll recognize immediately who I've stolen borrowed the idea from. Let me know what you think! EDIT: Removed colors for easier reading. Key is as follows: Thoughts {Lily} [Cici] (Aden) ##### Chapter 10: Soliloquy The medicine tastes terrible. The pills are huge and difficult to swallow, meaning that Lily keeps them in her mouth longer than she probably should. Still, she drinks an entire glass of water to try and cleanse her mouth of the awful aftertaste. “Yuck!” Lily whines, scrunching up her face at the residual taste on her tongue; even the extra water hasn’t gotten rid of it completely. She squirms, the paper sheet on the infirmary exam table crinkling beneath her. Miss Bright chuckles a little. “I know they don’t taste very good. But you need to take both of them once a day, first thing in the morning with breakfast.” She explains. “Here,” Maisie says, handing Lily another ReadiMeal shake. “Drink this. It will help with the taste.” “Thanks.” Lily says, and immediately begins drinking the beverage. “You only have to do it once a day, and I’m sure you’ll be a pro at taking your medicine before too long.” Miss Bright continues with an encouraging smile. [Aww. Don’t you wanna be friends?] Cici’s voice reverberates inside Lily’s head. Lily nods to Miss Bright, not trusting herself to carry on two conversations at once. {No, I don’t wanna be friends. I want you and Aden both to leave me the fuck alone!} [Such a potty-mouth. You’re gonna end up getting spanked again if you’re not careful.] Cici says. (If you want me to leave you alone, you know what you have to do. Your mind is fractured, Lily. The harder you fight against being a Little, the worse it’s going to get.) Aden warns. {What are you, my conscience?} Lily snaps. {I’m not going to let you or anyone else break me. That’s what the medicine is for--hopefully it’ll shut you both up for good!} [Rude.] Cici intones. [If you hate being a Little so much, why don’t you just let me drive for a bit? You don’t hafta like, do any of it for real, but you still get to see what it’s like.] {Not on your life!} Lily bites back, frowning. [I could just take control. But then you’d throw up, and I don’t wanna be covered in puke.] {What the actual fuck, Cici? This is my body! You can’t just do whatever you want with it!} [Technically, it’s our body…] {No! Absolutely not!} Lily tries to be assertive, but it comes out more like pleading than anything else. [Oh really? Watch this.] Cici sneers. There’s an uncomfortable popping sensation, and then Lily is...somewhere else. She’s still in her body, so far as she can tell, but it’s different somehow. Her vision is fine, but the sound of Miss Bright’s voice is diminished, almost like she’s hearing it from underwater. Her sense of touch is altered too, like all of her limbs have fallen asleep and are just now beginning to have sensation. Even as she retches onto the floor, it feels like it’s happening to someone else. {What did you just do?} Lily wonders, terrified. [Ugh, this is so gross! Ew, it got on my shoe... It’s like I said, I’m in charge now. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything dumb or get us in trouble. Well, I’ll try not to at least. Just relax and let me drive. I’ll show you that being a little isn’t so bad.] Lily is completely powerless to do anything about it, a prisoner in her own mind. She can’t even scream or cry, at least not outwardly. {Give me back my body!} [Nope. It’s my turn to have it for a bit. Sorry Lily. Well, I’m not actually sorry, but it feels like the right thing to say, you know?] Cici Chuckles. [I’ll be careful with us though. You just rest for a bit. All this crazy’s gotta be wearing you out.] Even though no one can hear her, Lily screams. ~CSR~ +Cici+ “Lily, are you alright?” Miss Bright wonders, seizing a nearby wastebasket in case of a round two. Cici just groans. “That’s not my name.” Lily’d still been partially in control during the vomiting, but the yucky aftertaste and throw-uppy feeling haven’t gone away just because Cici’s in control now. “What do you mean?” Miss Bright begins, and then fixes Cici with a curious stare. Cici giggles. “Lily’s not here right now, please leave a message after the beep. Beep.” Miss Bright seems to understand exactly what’s happening, because she says. “Oh? And what’s your name sweetheart?” She looks over at Maisie and gives her a funny, one-eyed blink. “Cici!” Cici says proudly, with a big smile. “Lily’s in time-out right now, since she keeps breaking our brain. She thinks she can just not be a Little. How silly is that?” Miss Bright smiles. “That is pretty silly. But, we need to let everyone come to terms with things in their own way. It’s a very big adjustment for Lily.” Cici frowns thoughtfully. Being Little is kinda fun. Sure having to take naps is boring, and getting interrupted during playtime for potty breaks or diaper changes isn’t very fun either. But Lily only seems focused on what she’s lost, rather than the fact that she doesn’t even need to provide for her own basic needs anymore. It just doesn’t make sense. But she says: “Okay. I guess that’s fair.” Maisie smiles at her. “Cici, huh? That’s a pretty name. Why don’t you come with me and get cleaned up?” Cici takes Maisie’s hand. Lily might pretend to hate being carried and having to hold hands and stuff like that, but Cici doesn’t mind those things at all. They’re nice and comforting. She only wishes that Lily would be more accepting of them too. Maisie takes her to the infirmary’s bathroom, and the nose-tingling smell of whatever soap the infirmary uses is even stronger in here. “My nose tingles.” Cici says, scrunching up her face. “Yeah, that antiseptic smell is pretty strong. We won’t be in here for very long though. I just want to give you a quick scrub down so you’re all clean again. Is your tummy feeling better now?” Maisie wonders as she helps Cici out of her clothes. Cici nods. “Mhmm.” “Good. Do you want a pull-up or a diaper after we get you all clean?” Maisie asks as she rummages through the cabinet beneath the sink. “I want a diapee.” Cici says, grinning big. The less she has to interrupt playtime the better. {Nooo! Cici what are you doing?} Lily’s voice is petulant and sad. {I don’t wanna be in diapers! I’m a big girl!} [Well, it’s a good thing you won’t be in diapees then isn’t it? I don’t know what your problem is with ‘em anyway. They’re comfy, and you don’t even have to interrupt playing or whatever to go potty! What’s not to like?] Cici responds. {Having to sit in my own...you know...isn’t exactly pleasant.} Lily replies, and Cici can hear the pout in her tone. [First of all, wet diapers aren’t even that bad--you barely notice when it happens! Secondly, you’ve never even had a poopy diaper before, so you wouldn’t know. And third, you don’t even have to clean it up! Quit being such a stick in the mud!] Cici retorts. Lily doesn’t respond. [That’s really grown-up of you, Lily, just ignoring me when I say stuff you don’t like.] {Go fuck yourself!} Lily snaps. Cici just giggles to herself. “Okay, we can do that. Just hold still for a minute while I get you cleaned up, alright?” Maisie says, distracting Cici from her mental sparring match with Lily. She lifts Cici into the tub and goes to work giving her a quick bath. Once that’s done, she whisks Cici away to the changing table, getting her diapered and dressed in clean clothes in no time at all. “All done!” Cici says once Maisie is finished. “That’s right, cutie, all done.” Maisie replies, lifting Cici onto her hip. “Do you want to go to the playroom? Or do you want to stay with me again?” [Lily? What do you wanna do?] {I don’t care. You’re the one in control, I’m just along for the ride. Do what you want.} Cici sighs. [I know you don’t really mean that. If you don’t wanna go to the playroom, we can just stay with Maisie today. Maybe she’ll let us have cookies?] {Like I said: ‘I don’t care.’ Do whatever the fuck you wanna do. I’m kinda stuck in here anyway. It’s fucking weird. I’m like, a passenger in my own body, and it feels really strange. I want to take a nap.} [What’s stopping you? You can imagine anything you want in there. Have you just been sitting there in the dark like some weirdo? Without even a lightbulb or a chair or anything?] {Oh.} [You really didn’t know that? Oh wow, that’s pretty funny. You need to stretch your ‘magination muscles more.] Cici giggles to herself. {Imagination muscles? That’s not even...fine. What the fuck ever. Have fun out there, or something. This is my first trapped-in-body experience, so I’m not sure how that works for you.} [I will! And, I’m gonna tell Maisie on you! You say a lot of bad words in your head.] {Are you shitting me? Only in my fucked-up life could I tell on myself for committing a “thought crime”, and it’s not even a crime.} [What’s a thought crime, Lily?] {I’m not explaining it. You’d better not tell on me, you brat.} [Hey! I’m not a brat! I’m a good girl, unlike you, you big potty-mouth. I’m gonna ask Maisie to give us PB&J with strawberry jelly for lunch.] {I hate strawberry jelly!} Lily protests angrily. [Well, stop saying bad words then.] {Fuck. You.} “Maisie?” Cici asks, grinning devilishly. “What is it honey?” Maisie responds, patting her bottom gently. “Are you okay?” Cici nods. “Mhmm. Lily’s saying a bunch of bad words in my head though. You should spank her.” Maisie sighs. “Cici, I’m not sure exactly what’s going on here, but it’s not nice to tattle on other people, unless they’re doing something dangerous. Right now, I’m only worried about what Cici is doing. Lily and I are working on her language, and I’ll deal with that with her.” Cici can’t help but pout a little at that revelation. [Rats.] {Fuck yes! Can’t touch this!} Lily crows, grinning triumphantly. [You don’t hafta be a poopy-head about it, Lily.] {A ‘poopy-head’? That’s the best you’ve got? What a shitty insult.} [Well, I can’t say any bad words so…] {Wait, really?} Lily cackles. {Oh, my god that’s fucking great! You actually can’t swear! That’s amazing!} [Keep being a poopy-head, and I’ll make you a poopy butt, too!] Cici threatens, pouting. {Don’t you fucking dare!} Lily snarls. {I’d never do that! Ever!} [Maybe you wouldn’t, but I would…] {Fucking brat.} Lily pouts. “Maisie, can I please have a PB&J for lunch, with strawberry jelly? And can you keep the crusts on?” Cici asks politely. Maisie smiles. “I think I can handle that. Thank you for remembering your manners, sweetie. I’m proud of you.” She presses a kiss to Cici’s forehead. “Thank you!” Cici responds with a big smile. {You’re a fucking monster.} [Maybe we can try sauerkraut next! Wouldn’t that be yummy?] {No! That shit is disgusting!} [Well, so is your potty-mouth! And since Maisie won’t punish you, then we’ll just have to get creative. Ooh! Do you think the kitchen has ketchup for the mac & cheese we’ll be eating for dinner?] {Ugh! You’re fucking impossible!} Lily groans. [Oh, and maybe we can have some neapolitan ice cream for dessert!] {Cici?} [Yes?] {You’re a butt.} Cici giggles. [I know! But, you’re stuck with me!] {Don’t remind me. Not only do I have to deal with Jiminy Dickhead in here, I also have to put up with you, and I can’t even get away from it because you’re in my head. You’re driving me crazy!} [Kinda there already. Besides, you can do whatever you wanna do in there. You can drink you yucky grown-up juice until it makes you sick, and even smoke those icky cigarettes if you want.] {Why can’t you just let me be me?} [I am you! You might not wanna hear me say that, but it’s true. Even with that medicine, it will just make me quiet. I won’t go away, like you think. I’m still gonna be there, ‘cause I’m part of you. If we could figure out how to share, then maybe you wouldn’t even need it!] {I don’t wanna fucking share my brain with anyone! It’s mine, and I want you gone!} Lily shouts, and slams a door. Cici smiles to herself. [At least your ‘magination muscles are getting some exercise…] {Shut up!}

Thank you all so much for the feedback and engaging with the story! It's really nice to hear all of your thoughts on the story so far, please keep sharing! ##### Chapter 9: Imposters “I know you must be afraid. But don’t worry. Everything’s going to be okay.” Miss Bright’s voice is gentle, and today she’s sitting with Lily on the couch instead of across from her. Lily only shakes her head, making a face at the gross taste in her mouth. She’d thrown up on Niki’s shoes after being told that Aden wasn’t real, and then she’d passed out. She’d woken up in the infirmary, and after being poked and prodded for a bit, she’d been taken to see Miss Bright. She hasn’t yet had the chance to brush her teeth. It certainly doesn’t feel like things are going to be okay… Her bladder twinges, achingly full out of nowhere, and Lily is almost grateful for the distraction from her unraveling reality. “I have to pee.” Lily says in a voice so quiet that she can barely hear herself. She gets up and shuffles quickly into the bathroom. Just as she closes the door behind her, her bladder releases, and she floods her pull-up for the second time that day. She doesn’t even have the energy to be upset about it. She just rinses her mouth out at the sink and washes her hands. Having to wear a diaper seems like such a small thing, given the monumental revelation she’d experienced a few hours ago. “You don’t believe that, do you?” Aden’s voice startles her, she looks toward the sound of it to see him seated on the closed toilet lid. “Of course I’m real.” “You’re not.” Lily says, slowly, backing toward the door. “How could you say that? We’re supposed to be friends, Lily.” Aden looks hurt. “You’re not real. Leave me alone.” Lily replies miserably. Aden’s lips peel back from his teeth in a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Leave you alone?” I’m the only friend you have here, Lily. Do you really want to be all alone in a place like this?” Lily’s heartbeat quickens. “I won’t...I won’t be alone. There’s Maisie, and…” “Maisie’s in charge of you, she isn’t your friend.” Aden stands up, folding his arms. Lily’s eyes well with tears at his words. “Why are you being so cruel?” Aden shrugs. “Well, technically, it’s you being cruel to yourself. But, why get hung up on the details? I mean, sure, I look like this now…” Aden points out, snapping his fingers. “But I can be Any. Thing. I. Want.” Aden snaps his fingers to punctuate his word, his appearance shifting and changing each time. He goes through various permutations, red hair and taller, brown hair and shorter, blonde again and rounder, black hair and thinner, different eye colors… “I don’t even have to be a boy.” Aden snaps again, and Lily goes cold. It’s like she’s looking in a mirror. She tilts her head and waves, being copied by the thing that used to be Aden. “Boo!” Not-Aden shouts, startling Lily into falling on her backside. “Aden, stop it!” Lily shouts, her lower lip trembling. “Well, my name isn’t Aden. I’m Cynthia. But you can call me Cici for short.” Lily bursts into tears. “No, no, no, no, no…” she murmurs, drawing her knees to her chest. It's horrifying to think that she'll have to contend with more than one voice in her head. “Ugh.” Says Cici, derision clear in her voice. “You really are a baby.” “No, I’m not!” Lily snarls. “Ah, ah, ah, careful…” Cici wags a scolding finger at Lily before crouching down in front of her. “Wouldn’t wanna fry your brain any more than it already is...” Lily lashes out, left hand clawing a Cici’s arm, only to feel a sharp pain across her own. Cici just laughs. “I’m you stupid! You. Can’t. Hurt. Me.” “Leave me alone!” Lily screams, and then tumbles backward as the door she’s been leaning against opens. “Lily, are you alright? I heard you shouting…” Miss Bright says gently. And then: “Oh, sweetheart, let’s get you changed, you’re leaking.” She retrieves a diaper, wipes, powder, and a clean pair of sweatpants from the cabinet under the sink before helping Lily to lay down on the floor. Lily sniffles, more out of fear of what’s happening to her than humiliation at having ended up in diapers. Miss Bright is very gentle with her, wiping her clean and sprinkling some powder on her diaper area before fastening the tapes snugly. “There. All dry...What happened to your arm, Lily? You’re bleeding.” Lily only shrugs and shakes her head, nibbling her thumb to try and keep herself from crying. “I dunno.” “That’s okay. We’ll get you a bandaid...Who were you talking to in there?” Lily’s free hand trembles uncontrollably. Hot tears roll down her cheeks as she sits up and clings to Miss Bright with a desperate kind of strength. “I don’ know..” she sobs. Miss Bright pulls Lily closer, rubbing her back and rocking her gently. “It’s going to be alright, Lily.” “Help me. Please.” Lily pleads, sobbing into Miss Bright’s shoulder. “I will. I promise.” Miss Bright says honestly, pulling back to look Lily in the eye. “I don’t wanna go back to the playroom. Please don’t make me go back there.” Lily is unaccustomed to begging, but she’s doing it a lot today, it seems. “You can stay here with me if you want. Or, I can get Maisie if you’d prefer. I think it would be best if we separate you from the others for a bit. You’ll still have some seminars with the L-2/L-3 playroom group, but other than that, you’ll be with Maisie.” “Okay.” Lily says softly. “And, for now, we’re not going to worry about the potty, okay?” Miss Bright says gently. “No,” Lily protests. “I’m not a baby...I can stay dry.” “I know you can.” Miss Bright soothes. “But the last thing you need is more stress. So we’re not going to worry about that for now. I’m going to prescribe you some medications to help with your hallucinations, but you need to relax. Stress is only going to make you feel worse and that will make it a lot harder for you to get better. You can pick up your medications from the infirmary first thing in the morning.” “Okay.” Lily concedes, resting her head on Miss Bright’s shoulder again. Her stomach rumbles loudly. “You must be hungry. Let’s get you some lunch, okay? Do you want to go with me, or do you want to eat with Maisie?” “With Maisie.” Lily decides. Miss Bright is nice, but she’s definitely more comfortable with Maisie. “Okay. I’m gonna give her a call, really quick, okay? I’ll be right here if you need me.” ~CSR~ Another spoonful of food ends up in Lily’s lap. She’s having a snack in one of the facility’s private rooms with Maisie. Up until this afternoon, she’d only had to deal with her hands shaking if she was idle. Now, it’s worsened to the point of being constant, and it’s interfering with her ability to feed herself. Earlier, she probably would have just exploded into a fit, but now she barely has the energy for the simple task of feeding herself. “Would you like some help?” Maisie wonders softly, scooting her chair closer to Lily. Lily lets out a tremulous sigh and stares at her lap, tears dripping from her chin. “How?” “Well, we’ve got some options. I can get you a spoon that’s easier to hold so hopefully you won’t spill. I can feed you, or, I can get you a ReadiMeal shake, that way you won’t need the spoon. What would you like to do?” Maisie asks softly. “Can I have a shake?” Lily wonders, looking up at Maisie. “Sure. That’ll probably be easier on your tummy anyways. Do you want to stay here or come with me to get it, love?” Without really thinking about it, Lily reaches for Maisie. “I wanna come too.” She says. She hasn’t had any hallucinations of Aden or Cici while she’s been with Maisie, and she’d like to avoid another episode if she can. “Okay, come here sweetie.” Maisie says easily, and lifts Lily onto her hip. She pats Lily’s bottom gently and kisses her temple. “Don’t worry. I’ve got you. Nothing bad is going to happen to you, okay?” Lily wishes she could believe that. She nods and rests her head on Maisie’s shoulder. It’s quiet for a moment while Maisie carries Lily down the hallway. “You shouldn’t grind your teeth, honey.” Maisie says gently. “I’m going to get you a pacifier to help with that. You don’t have to use it all the time, but I think it might help to relax you some, so you don’t have to worry about that so much.” Lily just shrugs. The amount of her ‘adulthood’ that’s been stripped from her in one day is pretty impressive, and she doesn’t even have the energy to be upset about it. If anything, she’s almost grateful, since there’s less pressure on her now. “I’m sorry.” Lily says after a long moment. “I don’t mean to be so much work.” “Don’t worry.” Masie says. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m glad you feel comfortable with me, Lily. We always have extra staff around in case something like this happens, so you’re not causing any trouble if that’s what you’re worried about.” “Oh.” Lily feels a little better after hearing that. But there’s something else she needs to know. “Will I be sent away from here? To another place?” “Maybe.” Maisie tells her honestly. “It really depends on how things go over the next week or so. If you want, I can sign some forms and apply to be assigned as your Caregiver while you’re there, that way you wouldn’t have to go by yourself. You don’t have to answer now, and I can’t promise it’ll be approved, it’s just something to think about.” “You’d do that?” Lily wonders. She’s sort of surprised that Maisie would even offer to do something like that, especially given her...condition. “Yes.” Maisie answers without hesitation. “If that helps you to feel better and safer so that you can get back to being healthy.” “What if I don’t get better?” Lily asks, her voice quiet and afraid. “No one will want to adopt a...a broken Little.” “Hey!” Maisie says firmly. “You’re not broken. You might be sick, and you might need some medication to deal with some of your symptoms, but you’re not broken. You’re worth caring for, Lily. You matter. Any Caregiver would be lucky to have you, sweetheart.” Lily frowns. Maisie seems so sure of her answer, but it doesn’t feel true to her at all. “You mean that?” “I do.” Maisie replies seriously. “You might have made a poor choice that landed you here, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re kinda stubborn sometimes, but so is pretty much everybody. I like your independence, Lily. You’re pretty self-sufficient for a Little, and there’s no doubt in my mind that you can do some pretty amazing stuff once you get out of here and back to your normal life.” “That’s nice of you to say, but I don’t think Alex and Darren will want me to move back in with them, especially not now. I’m supposed to go to an Assignment Center after I serve my term here anyway. No one’s gonna want me.” Lily tells Maisie. “I really don’t think that’s going to happen, Lily. But, I promise you that if it does, I’ll adopt you myself. I won’t let you get stuck there, okay? I swear.” Maisie vows. Lily nods, feeling better at that promise. “Okay.” She gives Maisie an appreciative squeeze. “Thanks, Mimi.” “You’re welcome, munchkin.” Maisie replies. She opens a large door that leads into a large kitchen and flips on the light. The kitchen staff have all gone home for the day, but Maisie doesn’t seem to have any trouble finding what she needs. She pulls open the door to the large refrigerator and looks at Lily. “Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry?” Maisie asks, pointing to each of the bottles in turn. They each have a no-spill lid that’s easy to drink out of, and Lily is happy to see that she at least won’t have to worry about spilling on herself. Lily thinks for a moment before answering. “‘Nilla please.” Maisie smiles at her and retrieves the requested beverage, shaking the bottle vigorously before opening it and removing the seal. She replaces the lid and hands it to Lily. “Here you go.” “Thanks.” Lily replies, and wastes no time in tasting it. It’s very good, and it does help her stomach to settle a little. “It’s good,” she says, smiling a little. “I’m glad you like it sweetie.” Maisie replies. “It’ll be time for a shower and to start getting ready for bed when you’re done, okay hun?” Lily nods. “Will you stay with me? Please?” Maisie just gives Lily a squeeze. “Of course I will.” The two of them return to the room where Lily had been eating, though this time, Lily sits in Maisie’s lap instead of her chair. Maisie cuddles her while she slowly drinks her shake. “Is there anything you’d like to do tomorrow? Anything fun?” Lily just shrugs. “Not really. Maybe we could go outside again?” “That’s a great idea. The weather is supposed to be really nice, too.” Maisie smiles. Lily works her way through the rest of her shake in silence, leaning back against Maisie for comfort. By the time she’s finished, she can barely keep her eyes open. She yawns massively and then puts the empty bottle on the table, cuddling up to Maisie. “Oh sweetheart, it’s not time for sleeping yet. We still have to get a bath and put our jammies on. Do you think you can stay awake for just a little bit longer?” Maisie wonders, giving Lily a little nudge. Lily only whines in response. She’s so tired…Before she can really stop herself, she’s crying again. “Okay, okay, don’t cry. I’ll help you, it’s alright.” Maisie soothes, rocking her gently. “I can give you your bath tonight if you want, it’ll probably be faster than if you did it on your own.” Lily nods slowly. “Okay.” She just wants to go to bed. The embarrassment she’d normally feel at having something so personal done for her is nowhere to be found. And, after all the other embarrassing things that have happened to her today, it doesn’t seem to matter so much. “Shh.” Maisie whispers, wiping away Lily’s tears. “It’s alright, little one. Just relax. I’ve got you.”

Chapter 8: Implosion Lily wakes up to the dull roar of Littles at play. It’s louder in this room, more chaotic, and the difference is jarring. Lily sits up from her nap mat and looks around, blinking slowly. She’s the last one to wake up, all the other Littles are playing amongst themselves, chattering and squealing in excitement. Lily can feel her hands trembling and she clutches her blanket to stop them. Her diaper squishes beneath her as she moves, but that sensation isn’t exactly new, her bedwetting issue hasn’t gotten any better since she arrived here. “It’s about time.” Aden says, grinning at her. “You’re gonna sleep the day away!” “Aden? What are you doing here?” Lily wonders. “I came to check on you. I can go tell Maisie you’re up, if you want.” Aden says. Lily nods. The less time she has to spend in here, the better. “Yes please. Thanks.” Lily tells Aden, and rests her head on her pillow as he leaves. “You must’ve been tired.” Says a voice next to her. Lily turns to see a Room Monitor with jet-black hair and striking blue eyes smiling at her. Behind her is another girl who’s dressed like Lily, with brown eyes and brown hair with pink streaks in it. The other Little waves and smiles at her before heading off to play. “Hi, sweetie. I’m Niki, sorry if I startled you.” “Hi.” Lily responds around her pacifier. “Did you sleep well?” Niki wonders softly. Lily just shrugs. She doesn’t feel exhausted, like she has for the past few days when waking up, but she definitely feels like she could happily go back to sleep for a little bit longer. She yawns, and her pacifier tumbles out of her mouth. The small squeaking noise that escapes her is completely unintentional, and she can feel her cheeks heating up in response. “Aww,” Niki coos at her. “That was adorable! You’re so cute!” Lily is too tired to be offended. “Thank you…” she says quietly. “Maisie said she wanted to talk to you when you woke up again. Are you ready to go see her?” Lily swallows hard. She doesn’t want to go and see Maisie, because it means facing the music for the rest of her punishment, but she knows there’s really no way to avoid it. So, she gives a slow, careful nod. She stands up and stretches, before following slowly after Niki. Niki leads her into the changing room before opening the door that leads to the other playroom. “Maisie? You wanted me to come and tell you when she woke up, right?” Niki wonders. A few moments later Maisie enters the room. “Thanks for keeping an eye on her Niki. I hope she didn’t give you any trouble.” Lily frowns. It’s embarrassing to be talked about like she’s not even here. “Nope, she was an angel.” Niki responds, before giving Lily a quick hug, taking the Little by surprise. “You’ll have to come and visit us when you’re more awake, cutie pie. I bet you’ll have tons of fun!” “Okay,” Lily says quietly, and then Niki heads back to the other room. “How did you sleep?” Maisie wonders, sitting down on the bench and pulling Lily into her lap. “I slept okay. I’m still tired though.” Lily mumbles. “I’m...I’m really sorry about earlier, Mimi.” “Thank you for apologizing, Lily. Your behavior was still unacceptable though, and there are consequences for that. First, you’re going to personally apologize to Mr. Cox for making him clean up your mess. For the rest of the week, you’ll be in the other playroom.” “What? But that’s five whole days! It’s not even Monday yet!” Lily cries. “You can’t make me be a Little by surrounding me with a bunch of diaper babies.” Maisie shakes her head. “You are a Little, Lily. I’m not trying to force you to do anything. You’re incredibly stressed out, and I’m trying to help you by putting you in an environment where things are a little more structured.” “How is that supposed to be helpful?” Lily folds her arms. “You keep trying to prove that you don’t need all the provisions for Littles, but so far it’s only gotten you into trouble. Miss Bright and I both agree that maybe taking some control away from you, you might be able to relax and see that being a Little isn’t such a bad thing. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to live the life you want, just that you might have to make some adjustments.” Maisie explains. “I don’t want less control! You’ve already taken my freedom! What, are you gonna stick me in a diaper too? Put me in my place, make sure baby Lily doesn’t go anywhere or do anything by herself?” Lily sneers. “Lily.” Maisie says firmly. “You can’t even control your behavior, and you expect to be given more responsibility and freedom within this place without having to prove that you can handle it. That is not the way we do things here. You want to be in control of something? You can start with your attitude.” “I am in control of my attitude.” Lily snaps. “Oh, so you’re being disrespectful on purpose then? Are you deliberately breaking the rules to make a point young lady?” Maisie’s gaze turns hard and dangerous. Lily blinks, realizing too late that she’s trapped herself. “Well, no, but-” “But nothing.” Maisie interrupts. “You are either being rude on purpose, or you let your emotions get the better of you and need to work on communication skills. Which one is it, Lily?” Lily can feel her face heating up. “The second one.” “That’s what I thought.” Maisie says. “This is why you’ll be spending time with the younger Littles. The staff in that room are very kind, but they are much less tolerant of sass and disrespect than in this room. I think having to watch yourself a little more closely will do you some good.” “Will I be in diapers there?” Lily wonders. “Not apart from naptime if you can stay dry, Lily.” Maisie says. “You’re probably wet from your nap, so I’ll change you in a minute and you can go back to pull-ups. Do you know why I put you in diapers today, even though you’ve only had one accident?” Lily shakes her head. “I wasn’t doing it to embarrass you, or to be mean to you. I did it because you need to have less stress, not more. Maybe if we can get you to relax a bit, we can stop your hands from shaking so much, and maybe cut down on the tantrums. I won’t force you to wear diapers if you really don’t want them, as long as you can stay dry. But, I think that maybe if you’re not so worried about having an accident all the time, you might be able to relax a little more.” Maisie explains. “Oh.” Lily says, she hadn’t really thought of that. “But I don’t want to wear them…” Lily protests. They aren’t exactly uncomfortable, but they are a symbol of everything she doesn’t like about being a Little. “At least in pull-ups, I have a little more...control.” “I know you don’t. But sometimes we all need things that we don’t necessarily want. Miss Bright thinks that a little less stress might do you some good. That’s why you’re going to the other playroom.” “Okay…But I’ll have less control over there!” Lily realizes, her lips compressing into a thin, unhappy line. “That’s kind of the point, Lily. Even if you weren’t a Little, there would be plenty of things about your life that you’d have no control over. As a Little, there’s more of that. You might not be able to control your potty habits very well, or at all, or how certain things make you feel. But, one thing you can control is your behavior.” Maisie points out gently. Lily just rubs her eyes in a futile attempt to keep herself from crying. It’s not fair… “If you can show me that you’re willing to work on controlling your behavior, then we can see about letting you have a little more control over your schedule and the seminars you go to. For now, you’re going to go into the other room. You’ll have less control over your activities over there, it’s a lot more structured than it is here. But, it will give you a chance to work on controlling your behavior. Next time, when you’re upset, maybe ask for a minute to calm down, or explain how you feel instead of letting yourself get so upset that you start to throw things.” Lily sighs. "Okay." Maisie gives Lily a brief hug. “Thank you Lily. Now, let’s get you changed, you’re really wet.” She scoops Lily into her arms and deposits her on the changing table. “Do you want a pull-up or a diaper?” “A pull-up.” Lily says firmly. “Okay. Just let me get you cleaned up first, okay?” ~CSR~ Returning to the other playroom feels like being exiled. The door closes behind her with an ominous click. “Welcome back!” Niki says, smiling brightly at Lily. “Hi.” Lily says stonily. “Maisie says I can wear pull-ups, but there isn’t a bathroom in here...how am I supposed to get to the toilet?” “Just tell me or one of the other room monitors, and we’ll take you over so you can go.” Niki explains. “Oh, okay.” Lily says. “Things are a little different in this playroom.” Niki explains. “We have three groups here, Seahorse, Turtle, and Starfish. They all rotate between stations, we do that so there’s no fighting over whose turn it is to play with something. There’s Painting, Coloring, Toys, TV and Playground stations. You’ll be with the Seahorse group, so we’ll be going outside in a little while. Right now they are at the toybox, so you can go over there and join them if you’d like.” Lily looks around the room. There are fewer littles here, only ten in total including her, so seahorse group will now have four people. The girl with pink stripes in her hair from earlier is there, along with a boy with spiky dark hair and another girl with blonde hair. They’re all wearing the same outfit as she is, except most of their shirts are purple instead of yellow. “I don’t wanna play.” Lily says bitterly. The last thing she wants to do is act like she belongs here. She twists the hem of her shirt in her hands. “You don’t have to play if you don’t want to, but you do need to be with your group. At least go over and say ‘hello’.” Niki says, giving Lily a nudge in their direction. The boy sees her coming and waves. “Hi! I’m Kyle! Do you wanna play with us?” Lily shakes her head. “No.” she snaps. Kyle looks taken aback. “Oh. Okay. Well, if you change your mind, feel free to join in.” “Brat.” Says the girl with pink stripes in her hair. Her shirt is yellow too, and it makes Lily instantly dislike her. “Julie!” The blonde girl looks positively scandalized. “That was rude!” “Stop being such a softie Erin.” Julie replies. “It wasn’t very nice of her to talk to Kyle like that, either.” “Well, that doesn’t mean you should be rude back.” Erin says, folding her arms. “Yeah, well, I didn’t ask you.” Julie snaps before turning her attention to Lily. “Apologize to Kyle for being a butt, new girl.” “My name is Lily.” Lily growls. “And I’m not gonna say ‘sorry’ either. You can’t tell me what to do, diaper-butt.” Julie stands up. “Just because you’re not in a diaper, doesn’t mean you’re better than me.” She says firmly. “You think you’re so above it all, ‘cause you got your fancy pull-ups on don’t you?” Lily smirks. “You said it, not me.” “Yeah? Well, at least my brain’s not broken.” Julie sneers. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lily demands. “You think I didn’t notice you talking to yourself earlier, shaking like a scared puppy?” “I wasn’t talking to myself!” Lily protests. “Aden is my best friend out of everyone here. And he’s way cooler than you.” Julie snorts. “There’s no one here named Aden. Your brain’s just turning to mush ‘cause you keep tellin’ yourself that you’re not a Little. That’s how it starts with everyone; they start talking to themselves, then shaking. After that they start getting scared of everything, like there’s boogeymen everywhere or something. Then they get real quiet and twitchy, and they go away to someplace else.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “Aden is real!” Lily shouts. “He was right next to my nap mat when I waked up!” “Whatever you say.” Julie rolls her eyes. “Gonna scramble your brain like an egg if you keep trying to lie to yourself.” “What’s going on over here?” Niki says from behind Lily. “Is everyone playing nicely?” “Yes, Miss Niki!” Erin says quickly. Lily turns around slowly, her eyes brimming with tears. “Julie says my friend isn’t real!” Lily explains. Niki raises an eyebrow at Julie over Lily’s head. “Julie, is this true?” “Well, yeah, but her friend is definitely imaginary…She says she was talking to him when she woke up from her nap. That he was right next to her nap mat.” Julie’s grin is positively predatory. Niki blinks slowly. “Tell her he’s real!” Lily insists, tears rolling down her cheeks. Niki looks at Lily, her expression shifting from puzzled, to understanding, to very sad and concerned. “Sweetheart,” she begins gently. “There was no one here with you at naptime with you. Everyone was just coming back in from being outside when you woke up.” Lily blinks, her heart sinking into her stomach. “What?” She feels numb all over, and there’s a strange ringing in her ears. Niki takes her by the shoulders and looks her in the eye. “Lily,” she says. “There was no one else here.”

Thank you! Lily's actions don't just affect her though. She lives with other people, neither of whom wants to be responsible for a Little. Just because she's not having accidents doesn't mean that she's able to navigate life without assistance. Her careless actions still affect them and cause them stress, like Alex explained at the beginning, and it isn't fair for Lily to expect them to just deal with it. It's similar to how drug use is not necessarily a victimless crime, especially where heavier substances are concerned. The staff definitely know why Lily is behaving the way she is, but until she starts demonstrating better self-control, she won't be given any more agency. The thing about swearing is part of demonstrating self-control; as there are definitely times in life where swearing is not acceptable, even if it's out of frustration, like at work. If/When Lily begins to show that she's ready for more responsibility, then those other options can be explored. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!