The western world like the USA or the UK: liberal democratic places in my opinion are the best ones to choose.
If you wear a not too thick diaper and choose your clothes
Wearing diapers won't make you incontinent, there are theories on how to un-potty train yourself but just wearing diapers isn't going to change anything.
I didn't have a positive experience coming out about ABDL but my family didn't really need to know about my sexual fetishes and I wouldn't want them involved with that side of my life so in a way I'm glad.
There are reusable swim diapers that look like regular swimming trunks, but I'm no expert on the swimming diapers and the disposable ones seem almost none existent
Here's a random ABDL server on Discord
https://discord.gg/V55PRPuV