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I set aside my clothes to put on after my shower: denim shorts, dinosaur onesie, and my new training pants. I showered quickly in anticipation of putting on my new babyish attire. I dried off and looked over to my clothes-I grabbed my training pants first, looking them over with excitement. These particular pair had double padding and cute monsters decorating the outside. Once on, the thick padding became overly apparent and bulky between my legs. I pulled the onesie on over my head next , fastening the buttons securely between my legs. The shorts were last, now a little more snug due to what was underneath. I looked into the mirror-there was a slight bulge apparent under my shorts, hopefully not to noticeable. I put a shirt on to hide my onesie and went to grab a pair of shoes. I noticed walking was slightly different now, my legs slightly further apart due the thickness of between them- trying to ignore it, I grabbed my keys and headed out for the day. There was no on outside on my way to the car-I sighed in relief and quickly walked to where I was parked. I drove to the store first to pick up a few things. I got out of the car and began to walk toward the entrance, heart pounding out of nervousness and excitement. The bulkiness of the training pants now seemed even more noticeable as I began to walk through the store. I quickly grabbed what I needed and headed to the self-checkout line. I made it back to the car and smiled, it seemed like no on had noticed what I was wearing under my clothing. I began driving home and realized I needed to go to the restroom. I decided that I could hold it until I got home and didn't need to stop anywhere to relieve myself. Unfortunately, I ran into heavy traffic and my drive home took longer than normal. My desperation grew as cars slowly inched forward. I should of gone before heading home. I squirmed in my seat, fighting to hold it. I just need to hold it for a little bit longer. I froze suddenly - a small amount released into my training pants. I felt a little less desperate, but embarrassed that my "underwear" were now slightly wet. The traffic crawled forward, but I was finally able to make it home-desperation now at an extreme level. I held between my legs as I rushed to the door, hoping I could make it to the bathroom in time. I struggled to get it open and soon felt another small stream flood into my padded underwear. I panicked and I looked down, a small wet spot had began forming on my shorts. I rushed in soon as I got the door open and made my way to the bathroom. I went to open the bathroom door and stopped-I had waited to long. I felt my training pants become heavy as a lost control, flooding them and soaking my shorts. A small puddle formed around me feet as the wet spot on my shorts grew-I couldn't believe I had an accident in my new training pants.

Hi Behr, I can very much relate to your situation in a lot of ways. I too have struggled with self acceptance and with worries over my wife's acceptance. Being AB/DL or any variation of our community is hard, especially when it comes to relationships. I have good and bad news to share with you. First the good, you have made it past what is probably going to be the hardest part which is telling her that you are AB/DL. The bad news is that you may have a long road ahead of you. It may take months or possibly a couple of years for your girlfriend to fully come to terms with this but that's alright. The worst thing you can do is make her feel pressured or rushed into thos, give her space but be open with her. Self acceptance is a gratual process and sadly is not an over night thing. I listened to a AB/DL postcast https://www.thelittlelounge.com , Lo's podcast has helped me in a major way for self acceptance. Most episodes are around 20 minutes long and are very helpful. I suggest looking through the episodes and finding some the pertain to you and your situation.

I like the feelings of comfort and security they give me which helps a bit to reduces stress and can help me focus a bit more on some stuff.

I enjoy the sensation of being thickly padded. It's a comfort and security thing. I also like the feeling of a warm, wet, soggy diaper in need of changing. Then changing my wet diaper for a fresh, dry one.

Chapter 4 In the early days, it didn’t matter what happened tomorrow because we had no tomorrow, so when our heroes began to die there was no-one to take the blame - it was on every single one of us. -Dr. Amelia Hansen, Speak No Evil: A Compendium of Freed Information. *** Laurent had been doing his best to contact me when he hadn’t heard back in a reasonable length of time, inciting chirping beeps that harmonized from the wall panel and the monitor on my desk, and making abundantly clear his intent. But what was I supposed to say to him? What did I even have to report? Oh, Lilt turned out to be a ghost from my past who by the way now thinks I’m a freakish subhuman monster as a result of my own failure to keep up on my basic maintenance. I’m sure he would have taken that about as well as the station would have taken a volley right now. When I did get to my feet and had a chance to think about it, I realized that the station wasn’t moving anymore. Had I been so absorbed into all this that I didn’t notice it stop? Or had it just stopped? I felt distracted, fuzzy-headed, and the idea of not being able to recall something so simple was one that bothered me the way that bug bites used to back home. Feeling the station move, or not move, that was just a part of being a Skipper. Just in the same way that I felt the way the air flowing in from the vent in the top left of my bedroom, the way my skin tingled as it passed through the space, diffused in my living room, and exited out the vent in my bathroom on the opposite side of the quarters. Skippers could feel some things that other people simply couldn’t, but the feeling of Lilt’s disgust was something entirely more universal. *** “You should have checked in four days ago to have this realigned, Skipper.” The pencil pusher scolded me in the receiving lobby, not even giving me the dignity of looking up at my face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” I did, I’d been notified a half a dozen times by Centra, I’d just been… busy. “We notified you four times in the past week,” he turned over one form to another, stamped the first, and looked at his next project as though I wasn’t even there. “And yet when something goes wrong, now you feel fit to grace us with your presence, Skipper?” “Right...” I couldn’t look up at him, now, even though he still hadn’t looked away from his papers. When I was a child, when I was very young and the sky had been blue and we’d been full of optimism, daydreaming about what we’d do the day after tomorrow and the year after next, my Mom had talked to me about her faith; she told me it was important to her, but it had been six years since she’d gone back to her church. When I’d questioned why, her explanation had been simple: she was ashamed. Once she’d missed a single Sunday, she was anxious the following week and so she missed another, and another, until she got in her own head and talked herself out of going back for fear of having to explain her continued absence. She called the feeling Church Shame in the years that followed, and I really did believe it was the only factor in why I’d been avoiding my maintenance. Believing something doesn’t make it true, though, because If it did, we’d all just believe that humanity would make it, and we’d end this awful war. I was glad my Mom never had to see the days beyond the fire. “I was worried about being needed for a Run, I’m always on call an-” “There are other Skippers.” He cut me off. I pouted. I couldn’t remember his name, and he still refused to look up from the paperwork he was filling out in triplicate. Even upside down and from across the desk, I could clearly make out what he was writing, though: ‘Negligence.’ ‘Non-compliance.’ The last thing I needed was another administrative reprimand, so I really needed to turn this one around - the situation with Lilt had been bad enough. “I know, I know, it’s just…” I started, dropping my tone from defiant into cute. “It’s just that you didn’t take your responsibilities as a Skipper seriously.” Came his retort, with a hint of something on the side. Bitterness, maybe? What right did he have to be bitter with me? This had nothing to do with him! “I…listen…” Stay chipper, Skipper. “Listen? Madam, what if your joint had become damaged on account of the unscheduled delinking? You wouldn’t have been able to dock with your Faering, for a start, and if you’d been needed to go on a Run during a Crisis Drop, people may have died and it would have been your fault. Or what if this unscheduled delinking had happened in a public setting? Have you considered the consequences? Skipper, focus on a better future, and less on defending the poor choices of your past.” Wow. Ouch. I didn’t need the lecture, certainly not after the day that had unfolded already, but the way he talked to me was severe and his words were well selected, his points valid. It made me feel so much smaller than even my diminutive forty-five inches from tip to toe. His words made me feel… guilty, like I’d done something inherently wrong. Fine, I got it, I mumbled under my breath and he looked up from his papers. “Excuse me, Skipper? Was there something you wanted to say?” He queried, smugly. “No Sir. I’m just here to get my maintenance.” I muttered. “Then take a seat, and the technician will be with you as soon as their schedule allows. Until then, you’re decommissioned from duty.” My cheeks puffed out like an emergency vest expanding, and I crossed one arm over my chest with the other clutched in hand with a little huff, somewhat annoyedly, somewhat to hide my own contrition. Why even make that distinction? Why even try to make the point? I was already here, so why try to shame me more? “You don’t have to be a jerk, I save your life y’know?” “Not today, you don’t. Please take a seat, Skipper.” I sat, fuming and ruminating on all the ways I wanted to inflict minor annoyance and inconvenience on this man - I would put exactly one pebble in every one of his left shoes! I would gently crease his note paper! I would… I would swap out his blue pens for black ones, and swap his toilet paper roll from back facing to front facing, and I’d put his newer teabags in front of his older ones so in two weeks all his tea would be minorly stale and he wouldn’t even know why. I was that cross. *** “Cadence? Come on back.” I recognized that chipper voice! It was a melody that could only belong to the owner of the most marvelous set of blonde curls ever to frame a face. And let me be clear here, because I say the term framed as the world’s most intense understatement - at least 50% of Perry Maple was blonde tresses and pouty smiles. She’d always been my favorite technician. “Perry!” My fuming gave way to a smile and it showed in my voice. Finally, something was going my way today. All my thoughts and notions of history’s pettiest and most minor retribution followed the air out the vent by my feet when I followed the technician into her workshop. “I was hoping I’d get to see you today, that’s why I waited, see? I waited to see you.” I’d have twirled my hair cutely and playfully, if I weren’t also holding my own hand. “You’re cute, Cadie, but there’s no fooling me today, little duck.” Oh but when she called me that - and only she ever did - I fell still and quiet every single time. “Let’s have a look here. What were you doing when the delinkage happened?” What was I doing? I sighed inwardly. If I could tell anybody about my encounter with Lilt today, it was Periwinkle Maple. “Well, um… friend of mine turned up at the pool today, and she wants to be a Skipper. I was trying to convince her that she shouldn’t be, so I guess I got distracted and didn’t notice the connection warning.” Hadn’t I noticed it? I couldn’t remember, and that should have worried me a lot more than it did. Had I been so rapt in Lilt’s attention that I blanked out that badly? “So why shouldn’t she?” Perry asked, smiling, as she went through her tools with all the delicacy of a surgeon - an apt comparison. “Why shouldn’t she what?” “Be a Skipper, Cadie. What’s so bad if she wants to help out?” There weren’t that many non-Skippers on the station that I wouldn’t have gotten cross with for asking that question, but Perry lucked out in being a part of that demographic. “Because she has a life. Because she has people she loves, she has people who look up to her, friends and family, a life and dreams.” I didn’t expect to be getting so worked up over this. “Skippers can have all of those things, though.” Her words were angelic, and her motions were gentle. She eased a yellow and a red probe into the open joint at my elbow and mused over the diagnostic results while we talked. “Can’t they?” “It just means a lot of danger, Perry…” My voice caught and trailed like a thread from a cute sweater caught on an errant doorframe. Was that my only reason? Was there really nothing deeper? “You’ve been doing it a long time,” She retorted, playfully. “That’s why it’s okay for me! And… and Perry, I have nothing to lose.” “Don’t you?” She was so precious, she was so tender, I looked like a living doll and she was probably more beautiful still. The Skipper program talked about mankind’s Rally Round Response in depth, a core tenant of our success, and while everybody on this station felt that pertaining to me, I think I felt it for Perry. She pressed something inside my arm and initiated the reaffirmation sequence that immediately made my skin light up like a Christmas tree. It was like every single nerve in every single part of my body sparkled and tingled, firing like a billion supernovas, recalibrating in preparation to accept the appendage back into place. “I’ve done this all my life. I’ve been… this… for my whole life.” I countered, finally, the moment of pending reconnection bringing my thoughts back into focus. “And you don’t think she’s thought about it? Here, hold still, okay?” Her touch was all-but-maternal as she lined up the arm and eased it back into place, guiding the ball and socket together until the two formed a single joint once again. She used her slender fingers to press directly into the seams and guide the mechanism from closed to open and back to closed. There were parts of me that were artificial, but the way Perry touched me made me feel so darn real. “She was horrified when she saw this happen, when she saw my arm come off… I can’t imagine what she must think of me, now. Or if she has any idea what happens when we go out on a Run in a Faering. She’s just a dreamer, Perry,” I babbled to her, “she doesn’t know what she wants, and she’s in over her head and it was better that she saw this happen because obviously she hadn’t thought it through at all!” “And you had so much time to think it through, didn’t you, Cadie?” There was that same Perry smile, that gotcha smile! She was as infuriating as she was cute, sometimes. “That’s not even halfway the same!” “Isn’t it?” Gosh I hated when she did that, I hated that she was so smug and beautiful, I hated that she used this upward inflection that made her sound like she was just so certain, I hated that at times it sounded like she was just playing off her darling and divine charm, and more than anything else, I hated that she was right. Click. “There we go. Good as Newborn.” Oh, I bet she thought she was so cute with jokes like that, but the fact was that she knew what I needed to hear. Come to think of it, Perry always seemed to know the right things to say. “Hey Perry, how come you’re working here in maintenance and not on the Skipper Human Health team?” Human Health was how they described the collective that was supposed to keep us mentally sound - like the term mental health was just too dirty to apply to people as pure as we were, or like this was just another in a long list of ways we were othered. “Because I like to help.” “You don’t think that would be helping?” I queried, actually a little baffled by her response. “This work makes sense to me, Cadie. You come in and I put your arm back on, or I fix a stubborn knee joint, I recalibrate a drive sensor, I block a faulty nerve. I see results here. And that makes me feel like what I’m doing matters.” Her smile was given to me as a gift, adorable but weary, and I offered her angelic in return - it seemed to help. “Tell me more about the girl who wants to be a Skipper?” I pulled on my arm, flexed it, watched the fluid grace of the ball joint working as intended with a sense of distraction owing to my contemplation. What did she want me to say? “She knew me when we were kids. She was different back then, though, though…” “So were you.” “So was I,” I concurred, nodding my head, continuing the narrative after a moment of thought. “She thought I’d died, the day the sky burned. I just don’t get how she’s been on the station all this time and she chooses now to try and seek me out?” I mused over that, talking the mystery through out-loud. “She said she found me based on name, but I’ve been a Skipper for as long as the station’s existed, Perry. Why now?” “Maybe she’s from another station? Or a ship? We’ve had some contact these past few days.” Perry suggested off-handedly, testing the reflex on each one of my tiny little fingers with an electrode while she did. “What?” I didn’t mean for my tone to be incredulous, I didn’t mean to jerk my hand away, but I’d have known about something like that, like a Rendezvous. There was no way I wouldn’t have been told, and even if I’d missed a report or been left out, I was a Skipper! I would totally have felt… Motherfricker! “I felt the station move this morning, Perry!” I got to my feet, excitedly, annoyedly, “before this, before Laurent called me and told me to meet this stranger. But he told me it was just a routine maneuverer.” I paused there, and when I found my voice again it was much quieter. “Why would he lie to me?” “Why would he?” Perry affirmed the question, patiently taking my hand back again. “He knows I like to be there during Rendezvous events! There should be three Skippers present the entire time!” I lectured, like I was reading directly from Skipper Standard Ops, “what if something had happened?” “What if it had?” She smiled. “Why wouldn’t he tell me, Perry? I’m…” “The best?” “The best!” “Are you?” The blonde let go off my fingers, obviously done with the calibrations, or else just certain that I was going to snatch my hand back anyway. “Yes!” Both my hands shot to my sides in frustration, and I stomped my bare foot on the steel floor, “my record is spotless, my Faering harmonization is always top of the fleet, so why…?” I needed a second to collect my thoughts. “Why keep that from me? I should have been there…” “Cadie, how long do Skippers run during a Rendezvous?” She had this smile that said this question was asked as a friend. “For the entire duration.” Obviously. “The entire duration?” “Yes! Perry, I,” I rubbed at my temples and took a deep breath in, “what are you getting at?” “Just now you told me that she asked for you by name?” “Okay?” “How could she see you if you were on a run the entire time?” I felt the penny drop with a metallic twang in the deepest parts of my mind. Laurent had… kept this from me intentionally? He kept it from me so I wouldn’t be out on the run, because I needed to be available during the duration for something else. Like an interview, requested by name, and dictated by the Skipper Command. “Lilt…” Perry smiled while I spoke, like she’d figured this out long before I did, and like all her smiles she balanced pretty with non-judgmental, she balanced observing with listening to all I had to say. “Lilt came from the other ship?” I phrased it like a question, as if I didn’t already know the answer, and like Perry did. “And what does that mean?” “It means you really should be in Skipper Human Health, Perry. Geez. I…” Realization flashed on my expression. “It means I gotta go find Lilt before she goes back, before the Rendezvous ends!”

What will happen if they ban them is people will be smuggling them in. To get rid of them, people will bury them in their own back yards, forests, empty fields or even try and burn them in huge furnaces or incinerators. It will be like prohibition in the 1920's in America. If we can burn old rubber tires for fuel in industries, why can't we seperate all the disposable diapers and burn them for fuel as well? Or incinerate them? People have used dried cow chips (poop) for burning out west for years as fuel where trees are not all that plentiful. Think about it. 30 years ago no one recycled. Now you have just about everyone recycling. If government and society can come up with good ways to collect and recycle glass, tin and paper, they should (if they even want to bother and try) be able to come up with a way to use disposable diapers as a benefit rather than having them decompose in landfills. It's just laziness and lack of incentive on the part of governments. So much easier to just ban them than it is to find a better, cleaner way to dispose of them. Just like anything these days. Throw out your flat screen TV and just get a new one rather than fixing what broke. We live in a disposable society where we would rather throw away and replace instead of fixing what we have. That's why it's so hard to believe someone wants to ban an every day product like disposable diapers. I agree they do fill landfills and don't decompose, but the same can be said for all other plastics that people throw away. If we can recycle other paper and plastics, we should be able to find a way to do so with used diapers, even if that means the users have to have a special trash bin just for diapers (no different than special bins for recycling plastic, paper and glass), and have those bins go to incinerators or for burning for industrial fuel, just like old rubber tires.

Chapter 10 Another day, another morning waking up to the smell of Michelle messing herself. Sandy groaned at be woken up by the smell for the second day in a row and covered herself with the blanket to try and block out the smell. Suddenly the events of last day ran through her head, the escape attempt at the mall, the collar, her new grandparents, the memories all culminated with the love making session. Sandy smiled as the memories replayed in her head, she loved Michelle and would continue to do so. “You almost done there Mitch?” Sandy poked her head out from under the blanket. “Yeah, one sec.” Michelle grunted before crawling over to Sandy’s position in the crib. “God you reek.” Sandy gave Michelle a peck on the cheek. “Hey, so did you yesterday!” Michelle retorted. Sandy looked down in shame. She had messed herself after trying to escape the Little Salon, the memory playing over and over in her head. It was her lowest point in the last week. Coming to Amazonia was her opportunity to get her life back on track. Life as a drifter was hard on Sandy, she craved the order that the Marine Corps gave her and when she saw The Bureau recruiting she thought it was her chance, her chance to be something bigger than her, her chance to make a difference again. Of course she had not anticipated that she would wind up like this. “Hey, cheer up.” Michelle smiled and sat down, her full diaper squishing. “Mitch, did you seriously just sit down?” Sandy yawned and sat up. Sandy adjusted herself a bit she she was leaning against the crib’s headboard. “So what? I know I’m going to get changed.” Michelle shrugged, “Speaking of diaper changes, you could use one.” Sandy’s eyes went wide as she suddenly felt the mushy garment around her waist, she was soaked and it was all cold and clammy, “This is disgusting!” Sandy groaned. “Yep! Welcome to the wonderful world of waking up in wet diapers. Which ones did they put you in? The ones with the moons and stars?” “Yeah, why?” Michelle chuckled, “I was originally in those when I got here, but after I started to mess in the morning I got upgraded!” “You think getting thicker diapers is an upgrade?” Sandy sighed as she started to slowly stand up using the crib bars for support, however, the sodden diaper between her legs was making it difficult and due to the sleeper she was in, she could not get away from the feeling. “What would you prefer, thick diapers or diapers that cannot contain your morning poop?” “Point taken.” Sandy shuddered at the image. “So when will we get changed?” “Soon I think. You are going to the doctor’s right?” “Yeah, what should I be worried about?” Sandy glanced over at Michelle. “Ehhh, nothing really, Dr. Kulp is really nice.” Michelle smiled as Laurel came into the nursery. “Good morning you two.” Laurel was already dressed and ready for the day. She was dressed in a cashmere sweater and jeans that showed off her bodies curves. “Mommy!” Michelle cheered, “I made a poopy!” “I can smell that dear.” Laurel picked up Michelle and moved her to the changing table. “There is that switch again.” Sandy frowned as she held onto the bars. It just didn’t make any sense. Sandy watched as Laurel changed Michelle out of her diaper. “Oh, you are such a stinky girl.” Laurel smiled as she wiped Michelle down, “You get help Daddy get the home ready for the party tonight, isn’t that exciting?” “No!” Michelle shook her head, “I don’t want the party to happen!” “Dear, I know you don’t get along well with other littles, but we need you to behave and set a good example for Sandy, you are her big sister now.” Laurel balled up the night diaper and tossed it into a diaper pail at the foot of the changing table. “B-big sister? Me?” Michelle seemed surprised by the title. Sandy smiled in amusement. Michelle being asked to set a good example. Sure in the Crops Michelle could occasionally pull that off but in Amazonia? Michelle wasn’t the kind to set examples, she was the one that generally needed the example to follow. “Yes, you are the big sister and have to help Daddy while Mommy takes Sandy to Dr. Kulp.” Laurel smiled as she powdered Michelle’s rear. “Do I get a treat?” Michelle looked up at Laurel with eager eyes. Michelle was a sucker for positive reinforcement and being in the care of Amazons only made her desire for it worse. “That will be up to Daddy.” The Amazon smiled and taped up a pink diaper around Michelle’s waist before setting her down on the carpet, “There we go.” Laurel quickly moved over to the crib and picked up Sandy, “Good morning Sandy.” “Good morning Mommy, I mean Laurel. Good morning Laurel” Sandy blushed. Where was the ‘mommy’ part coming from? Laurel couldn’t help but smile at the blushing little, “It's okay Sandy, call me whatever you want. You still need some time to adjust.” she gently carried the little over to the changing table. “Thanks, Laurel.” She smiled as she felt herself laid on the padded table that was the changing table. The rings on each of the tables legs a reminder of what Amazons did with difficult littles. Laurel cooed at little as she untaped the diaper, “You certainly did a number on this diaper, maybe we need to move you to the same night diapers Michelle gets.” “No!” Sandy shook her head. The thick padding that seperated Michelle’s legs to a comical degree was too much for Sandy, “I don’t need those!” Sandy started to squirm on the changing table clearly agitated by the suggestion of thicker diapers for her. “Easy easy.” Laurel frowned and picked up the diaperless little, “It’s okay sweetie, you don’t need those diapers.” She gently bounced the girl and gently smiled. “Promise?” Sandy sniffled and looked up at the Amazon. “I promise.” Laurel kissed Sandy’s forehead as she set her down on the changing table. Within minutes the little was powdered and diapered in a moderately thick diaper that had block designs all over it, “Now then, we just got our first snow of the season so you are going to have to bundle up.” “SNOW?!” Michelle face was quickly dominated by a massive smile, “I WANNA GO PLAY IN IT!” “Michelle.” Laurel scolded the little, “What have we told you about your inside and outside voices?” Michelle shrank away from the Amazon and looked at her feet, “My outside voice is only for outside, not inside.” Laurel nodded as she walked over to the dresser, “Whether or not you play in the snow will be up to Daddy, so I suggest that you be on your best behavior.” Laurel pulled out a bright neon green puffer jacket style onesie with a hood. Sandy looked at the onesie in horror. The onesie totally enclosed her limbs and rendered her hands useless. Sandy would be like a moth and Amazons would be the owls. “Oh, you will look absolutely precious in this don’t you think?” Laurel gushed as she advanced towards Sandy with the winterized onesie. “L-laurel, please tell me that I’ll be wearing more than that.” Sandy swallowed as Laurel unzipped the onesie revealing a fur lined interior. “This is all you need dear.” She smiled as she picked up Sandy and set the onesie in her place before setting her on the fur liner. Sandy didn’t want to admit it but it felt really soft and comfortable, “Arms and legs in dear.” “But I won’t be able to use my hands!” Sandy complained which earned her an eye rolling from her Amazon mother. “You don’t need to use your hands at the doctor’s office.” She said as she began to gently move Sandy’s arms and legs into the sleeves. With a quick zip the onesie was sealed and Sandy was at the mercy of Laurel’s whim, “You look so precious!” Laurel cooed and gently pulled the little’s hair out from the onesie so that it was flowing out of the hood, “Alright, that is about it.” Laurel turned to Michelle, “Behave for Daddy, he will be right up in a minute.” Laurel turned and exited the nursery with Sandy in her arms. “Laurel, I’m starving can I have a bottle?” Sandy looked up at the Amazon’s face before a thought crossed her mind, “Wait, did I just ask for a bottle?” “I’m sorry dear but you need to have been fasting for twelve hours before this check up and it just hit twelve hours, you can have a bottle after we leave the doctor’s For some reason Sandy’s brain thought that was unfair, “Nooooooo! I’m hungry and want a bottle!” Sandy whined and started to squirm Laurel sighed as she carried the squirming little down the stairs, however, the Amazon had a slight smile as she entered the kitchen where her husband was currently attending to a set of crystal, “Michelle is in the nursery and wants to play in the snow, I told her if she was good then she could play in the snow. Stick her in the bouncer and turn on Yunno while you get ready for the party. Let her play for an hour or two.” Laurel said as she focused on keeping Sandy from squirming out of her grasp and falling. “How’s her milk training going?” Stuart said as he turned around the pink flowery apron he was wearing. “Take a look, I told her she couldn’t have her bottle until after her appointment. She became all fussy.” Stuart smiled, “Going well then.” “Quite well.” She nodded and adjusted her hold on Sandy, “Well, I’m going to get going traffic is going to be murder and with all the southie tourists coming up, the wrecks are gonna be all over, especially with the snow.” Laurel walked into the garage after kissing Stuart. “I want a bottle!” Sandy kicked and whined as she was strapped into her car seat “After your appointment.” She smiled as she turned the car on and pulled out of the garage. ********** The drive from the suburbs scenic thanks to the dusting of snow that the area was getting and of course that meant wrecks all along the highway. Currently Laurel was stuck waiting for the police to clear the road of a flipped car. Laurel spied an over bundled Amazon couple arguing with a little in a ski jacket. The little gestured to the flipped car a few times, clearly it was his car. As the time grew Sandy’s whining grew louder and louder, eventually Laurel was at her wits end. “Let’s see how much I can get away with.” Laurel sighed as she dug in the glove compartment for a special tag. Laurel soon found the tag and hung it on the rearview mirror. The tag designated the car as containing a Bureau director and gave the vehicle special privileges. All it took was to get an officer’s attention and Laurel’s car was soon slowly moving through the accident scene. “Thank goodness for these tags.” Laurel smiled as she put the tag away after putting some distance between her and the accident site. The rest of the drive was uneventful and they soon pulled into a small plaza. Laurel unbuckled the whining little before sticking an inflater in the girl’s mouth and inflating it, “You might be cute, but you are loud too.” She smiled as she carried Sandy into a doctor’s office that was abandoned save for a single Amazon working the check in counter. “Crimson for Dr.Kulp.” Laurel smiled as she signed in. “Go on in, exam room ten. I will notify the doctor that you have arrived.” She said as she scribbled something down on a clipboard. Laurel nodded and thanked the receptionist before walking out of the waiting room and down a hallway before coming upon the assigned examination room and entering it. Sandy was complaining the entire time, but due to the gag in her mouth all that came out were muffled sounds. She had been laid down in an exam table that had bars on it, it was basically a crib with a plastic mattress that had some paper on it. “So, you are the reason I had to open on Festivus eve.” An Amazon in a lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck smiled as he entered the exam room, “Laurel, always good to see you.” “Good to see you too Stephan.” She nodded. “So, this is little Sandy then, hmmmm?” He sat down on a rolling stool and dropped on side of the exam table’s bars, “Mind if I take her pacifier and onesie off” he gesture to the “Go ahead, but she is craving milk so she will be whiny.” She said as she sat down in a chair. “Oh trust me, I can deal with a whiny little.” He smiled as he removed the jacket onesie first before deflating the pacifier and removing it. “I WANT MILKIE!” Sandy yelled the second the pacifier was removed. “See what I mean? She is seriously craving it.” laurel sighed, “Problem is, we only just got her yesterday. She should not be hooked that quickly. “Well.” The doctor used his stethoscope to hear Sandy’s heart. “COLD!” Sandy yelped as the cold metal made contact with her chest. “I’m sorry sweetie.” He cooed as he turned to Laurel, “Well, your milk’s K94 quotient is quite high. However, even with your levels being as high as they are, that would not explain her becoming dependant on it, unless….” “Unless what?” “Unless, she was an addict. I’ve noticed that littles who were once addicted to narcotics quickly become dependant on Amazon milk and as you know when a little body craves K94 it will enter a state similar to this.” The doctor said as he looked at Sandy’s tattoo on her shoulder, “Was she military?” “Yes, she served with Michelle.” Laurel nodded still trying to comprehend what the doctor just said. “I’ve seen this is a few of candidates that were brought through here.” He looked down at Sandy, “Say, awwwwwwww, sweetie. I promise you will get your milk soon.” “Awwwwwwwww.” Sandy giggled a bit as she opened her mouth for the doctor. “Throat looks good. now for the fun part.” He turned to Laurel, I’d suggest holding her tightly. I will be back in a few minutes.” Dr. Kulp sighed before leaving the room. Laurel sighed and picked up sandy, “You are being a very good girl Sandy, just a few more minutes before you get your milkies I promise.” Laurel's mind was swimming with the revelation that Sandy may have been an addict. Laurel thought back to the day before when Sandy asked if her medication was habit forming, it all made sense now. Laurel came from a military background so she could understand the stress of military life, yet she never saw combat so should could never truly understand what Sandy had gone through. Soon Dr.Kulp entered the room flanked by a pair of nurses, “Alright Sandy, we are just going to do a little procedure and then you can have your milkies, how does that sound?” “I want milkies!” Sandy squirmed in Laurel’s grip as one of the nurses examined the little’s right arm. “I got a decent vein right here doctor.” The nurse said before wiping the area with an alcohol wipe as the other one tied a tourniquet around the top of Sandy’s arm. “Too tight!’ Sandy complained. “It's just for a minute Sandy.” Dr. Kulp said as he hid the needle from Sandy for as long as he could, “So are you excited for your first Festivus?” “Hu huh.” Sandy nodded. “Why don’t you tell Dr. Kulp where you are going next month?” Laurel rubbed Sandy’s back to try and calm her down. “Oh? You have a trip coming up?” Dr. Kulp smiled as he prepared. “Uh huh.” Sandy nodded, “Daddy is taking Michelle and I too Earth!” “Oh wow! I’m jealous, I’ve never been to Earth. You’ll have to tell me all about it when you get back.” Kulp motioned one of the nurses to distract Sandy with a stuffed toy while the other one held Sandy’s right arm still. “Uh huh!” Sandy smiled as she looked at the toy, oblivious to what was about to happen, “It’s really pretty there.” “I bet it is.” Dr. Kulp said as he gently inserted the syringe and started to draw blood from Sandy, “What are you going to do while you’re there?” “I dunno.” Sandy said, her eyes were focused on the toy. She could feel the pinch from the needle and every part of her body was demanding that she cry out in pain, but one part of her was keeping her from doing that. “But you’re still excited for the trip huh?” he smiled as he removed the syringe and applied a band aid, “All done.” “Uh huh!” She smiled as the touriquit was removed from her arm. It was then that she started to tear up, “Mommy! My arm hurts!” Sandy held up her right arm to show Laurel. “Uh oh!” Laurel smiled, “I think your arm needs some kisses.” Laurel gently kissed the little’s arm, “There we go, feeling better.” Sandy nodded a bit, “uh huh. Can I have my milkies now?” “Of course you can sweetie.” She smiled as the medical staff left the room. Laurel quickly took her sweater and undershirt off before starting to nurse Sandy, “After this I was thinking that we could do some Festivus shopping. You still need to get Daddy and Michelle their gifts.” Laurel said as Sandy drank herself to capacity. ********** Stuart smiled as Michelle waddled around the backyard as she played with Buster. The Golden Retriever loved playing with Michelle and Stuart often caught the two of them cuddled up next to the fireplace on the days that he had decided to light it. The prep work for the party had been hell, but Stuart always did love a good challenge. However, he was convinced that the host selection was rigged given that this was the second year in a row he was chosen to host. After checking his watch he saw that it was nearly two in the afternoon! Laurel and Sandy should have been back by now. Just as he was reaching for his phone Laurel walked out the sliding glass backdoor with Sandy in her arms. “We are home.” Laurel smiled as she saw Michelle having fun in the snow, “Sandy got her blood work down and we got some presents. I will get the girl’s changed into their party outfits because we all know Liza likes to arrive early.” She said as a chime echoed through the house, “Speak of the devil.” Sandy saw Michelle’s face turn from a rosy pink to a pale pink as she heard the doorbell. END OF CHAPTER Chapter 11 Director Liza Scapti, all seventeen feet of her strode through the doorway past Stuart. Her shoulder length platinum white hair shimmering as it brushed against her red cocktail dress, a fur coat was draped over her. Behind her was her husband, Daniel strode in wearing a simple polo shirt and carrying a light blue diaper bag and matching bundle in his arms, a little. “Stuart, Laurel, y’all are looking well this afternoon.” Liza smiled as she set her coat on the nearby rack. “Why thank you Director.” Laurel smiled as she adjusted her hold on Sandy. Sandy’s eyes were still a bit cloudy. The last thing she remembered was wanting milk and the next thing she knew she was strapped into a shopping cart as Laurel browsed a toy store for a gift for Michelle. The gap in her memory disturbed her, what the hell did they do to her? “This little thing must be Sandy.” Liza walked over to Laurel and looked down at the little, “So much trouble in such a small package, but then again that is essentially what littles are.” She chuckled, “Glad to see that she is where she belongs.” Liza smiled before taking the bundle from Daniel, “I can’t wait to introduce Thomas to his new friend.” Liza smiled as she held the bundle close to her. “Laurel, why don't you go get the girls into their dresses while I make Liza and Daniel comfortable.” Stuart smiled as he shut the front door before walking over to the sliding glass back door and opening it, “Buster, Michelle come in.” Stuart called out. Buster ran right in and sat himself right next to the fire. Michelle was less inclined to end her play time. “Five more minutes!” The little whined and sat down in the snow with her arms crossed. “You know it's almost time for the party dear. Now come inside so mommy and put you and Sandy into your party dresses.” Stuart sighed and stepped out onto the porch, the wind causing his apron to flutter. “No! I am not coming in! I hate the stupid party!” Michelle stuck her tongue out and stayed in the snow. Stuart sighed and rubbed his temples. He did not need the added stress of trying to deal with a little that wanted to keep playing in the snow, “Michelle, if you come in and behave like a good girl, I will let you stay up and watch a scary movie.” Stuart sighed, this was not his usual style, he was always more vinegar than honey but he didn’t have time for vinegar, he had his boss to entertain. “With popcorn?” Michelle retracted her tongue, Stuart had her attention. “Yes, that special popcorn that you love so much.” Stuart grimace slightly at the mention of the popcorn. Laurel had bought it from a vendor at a street fair last month. The combination of chocolate, caramel, and salt was repulsive the minute it touched Stuart’s tongue. It was revolting to him and Laurel, yet for some reason Michelle loved it. “Popcorn and a soda!” Michelle tried pushing her luck. “No dice. If you have a soda then you won’t be able to go to bed and you will be cranky during Festivus. You don’t wanna be cranky during Festivus do you?” Michelle shook her head, “No! I don’t wanna be cranky on Festivus.” “Then come inside so mommy can make you all pretty.” Stuart was at the end of his rope but he wasn’t showing it. “Okay.” Michelle sighed before waddling through the snow to the concrete slab patio. “Good girl.” Stuart smiled and helped her take her orange puffer coat off before sending her waddling towards Laurel and Sandy. Laurel smiled at Michelle and picked her up, “You little rascal.” She kissed Michelle’s forehead as she walked up the stairs. Sandy was dumbfounded at the exchange she just witnessed. She was expecting Stuart to throw the hammer down and make Michelle come in rather than making a deal with her. “I wanna play in the snow tomorrow!” Michelle rested her head on Laurel’s shoulder, pressing her face into Laurel’s neck. “We will see about that.” Laurel shivered slightly, “Your face is cold.” She kissed Michelle as she entered the nursery. Just as they entered the nursery Sandy felt something deep inside her as she saw laurel showering Michelle with affection, something she has not felt in a long time: jealousy. It started slowly and quietly, a soft sound from the back of Sandy’s throat to try and get laurel’s attention and when that didn’t work Sandy increased the volume. Sandy knew what she was doing what childish, yet for some reason it felt right to try and get Laurel’s attention away from Michelle. “What's wrong sweetie?” Laurel cooed quickly set Michelle down on the soft carpeting before devoting her attention to Sandy, “Are you wet?” Laurel said before laying Sandy down on the changing table and getting her out of her fur lined jacket onesie, “You don't seem to be that wet, maybe a little damp but nothing warranting a changing.” Laurel frowned, “Are you hungry again already?” Sandy blushed and looked away from Laurel, “No… I’m not that hungry.” Her mind suddenly catching up with her body, the need for attention suddenly turning into embarrassment for what she did. “Then what did you want?” Laurel looked down at the little, whose long black hair was splayed about on the changing table. “Attention.” Sandy blushed even more, “I’m sorry.” Laurel couldn’t help but laugh, “You are just the sweetest little in the world.” Laurel picked the girl up and held Sandy close, “Its fine, littles need lots of attention. It's only natural to want what you need.” Sandy couldn’t help but smile as she was held, the soft beating of Laurel’s heart soothed her and made her feel at peace, that was until she could hear Michelle making the same noises she was making earlier. “Uh oh, I think someone wants attention too.” Laurel slowly sat down so that both of the littles could sit in her lap, “I will tell both of you this right now. Daddy and I love both of you and we always will.” She kissed both girls on the head, “Michelle, I know you don’t get along with the other littles and Sandy, I know that you are nervous about meeting them for the first time.” “That's not true!” Sandy blurted out right into Laurel’s breasts, however, Laurel was right. Sandy was very nervous about meeting other littles, so far Michelle was the only other diapered little that she knew. She had only been Stuart and Laurel’s little for less than a week, yet she felt loved here, more love than she ever felt with her parents back on Earth, yet part of her was saying that what was going on was wrong and that she could try to escape, but there was another side of her that was saying the opposite: that she should embrace her new life and life with Stuart, Laurel, and Michelle for the rest of time. Laurel smiled and slowly layed down on her back so that the two girls could both fit on her stomach, this was Laurel’s favorite position to be in. When she was like this she didn’t have a care in the world aside from the two littles on her chest. There were days when she felt like she was at her wits end with how tiresome her job as a military analyst for Libertality’s largest news organization was, but whenever Laurel returned home and saw Michelle’s smiling face, she could feel the day’s stress melt away as she cradled the little in her arms. Occasionally she had regrets about not having any biological children of her own, but that no longer happened. Now she had two littles that she could love and hold, she had not a care in the world right now. She didn’t care about the party, right now all that was on her mind were her littles. ****** Laurel had no idea how long she laid with the girl’s on her chest, all she knew that she was happy, she may have also fallen asleep along with the girls. When Laurel did wake up Stuart was entering the nursery. “There you are.” He smiled and picked the two sleeping littles up, “You three sleep well?” “It was amazing.” Laurel smiled as she stood up and stretched. “Good, everyone else is here and the pen has been set up for the littles.” Stuart smiled and cradled both of the girls. “I thought we were doing two play pens to keep conflict down.” Martha crossed her arms. “That was the plan, but Julieta brought some prototype thing she calls the Infinite Playpen. It is basically just a bunch of expanding fences connected together in order to turn the entire living room into a playpen. More room, less conflict” Stuart smiled, “It is going to be the most peaceful Festivus party ever.” “Or the loudest.” Laurel sighed, “Keeping the girls seperate from the others while we are having dinner is the practical solution, not some prototype playpen that Julieta whipped up. She is a genius yes, but she can also be quite scatterbrained at times, especially when her little is involved.” Laurel opened the nursery door, “I’m gonna change, put the girl’s in their party dresses and take them down. “ Laurel sighed and shut the door behind her. Stuart sighed and looked down at the sleeping littles, “Hey you two time to wake up.” He smiled and walked towards the crib before gently setting the two of them down. “Daddy?” Michelle yawned as she rubbed her eyes and looked around. Stuart was looking through the closet. “Yes dear?” Stuart smiled as he pulled out two frilly party dresses, one orange and one pink. “Do I have to go down there? Can’t I just stay up here?” She sighed “No you can’t.” Stuart set the dresses on a lower shelf of the changing table before picking Michelle up and feeling her diaper, “Alright, so a diaper change and a party dress.” Stuart kissed Michelle’s cheek, “Remember, you have been such a good girl lately, keep it up and you may get more scary movies.” He set her down on the changing table and went to work cleaning her up. “But the other littles are such jerks! They hate me!” Michelle kicked a bit out of frustration. Stuart frowned and grabbed Michelle’s ankles, “We do not kick, you should know that.” He said as he wiped the girl’s rear, “They don’t hate you, you just don’t get along with them. It doesn’t mean they hate you.” “Yes it does!” Michelle whined as Stuart generously powdered her behind, “They always bully me!” “Dear, we will be right in the dining room. You will be fine.” Stuart said as he knelt down, “ Lets see, princess, waddler, crawler, or…. immobilizer?” Michelle’s eyes went wide, “You wouldn’t dare!” Stuart couldn’t help but laugh, “Relax, I was just joking.” “That was not funny!” Michelle grumbled and crossed her arms, “Not funny at all!” Stuart ignored Michelle as brought up a decently thick orange and white cloth diaper, “What about this one? You haven’t worn it in quite a long time, I think you will look good in it.” Stuart lifted Michelle’s rear up and slid the cloth diaper under it before bringing the front up and snapping the taps together, “And since you are gonna be in that, you need some plastic pants too.” While Michelle was being diapered Sandy slowly started to wake up, slowly but surely she rose to her feet, using the bars of the crib for support. She could see Michelle being put into her orange party dress, “Daddy?” She yawned loudly, not thinking about what she said. “In a minute sweetie, I’m just about done with your sister.” He smiled as he straightened the dress on Michelle before setting her on the floor, “Alright, let's get you all nice and pretty.” He picked up Sandy, “And you little lady need a diaper change.” “No I don’t!” Sandy blushed, however, her diaper told a different story. “Oh yes I think you do.” He patted her soggy rear which elicited a gasp from the girl. “B-but I don’t wet the bed.” Sandy whimpered as she was laid down on the changing table. “But you just did, its okay dear, you are only a little.” He smiled and started to change her diaper. “R-right, I’m just a little.” She nodded, however, in her mind she was thinking differently, “You do not wet the bed! You are not a little, you are a human!” Sandy dismissed the thoughts and before she knew it she was in a waddler diaper and the pink party dress. “Hmmm, I’m debating whether or not to braid your hair.” Stuart pursed his lips, “Nah, I need to get you two down in time for the show.” He smiled and picked Michelle up before leaving the nursery. “Wait, the show? Sandy looked over at Michelle. “I’ll tell you later.” Michelle grumbled as they descended the stairs. “Look who finally decided to come down.” Stuart called out as he walked down the stairs. The scene that lay before Sandy was straight from the nightmares of many a free little: a group playdate. Six littles, all in cutsie party outfits with either visible diapers or visible diaper bulges. All of the littles save one were in a corral of some sorts, string of folding fences combined with the sectional created an inescapable prison that the sectional looked out on. The second Stuart announced their presence, Sandy could feel all the eyes in the room turn to face her, the girl suddenly became very self conscious about her collar, she had had it on only a day now, yet it felt like it wasn’t even there. Sandy was so busy looking at the littles that she didn’t notice the Amazons sitting on the sectional, she recognized Liza and Martha. Martha was in one of her trademark cashmere sweaters and Liza was bouncing a little in overalls. Sandy could barely look at the other Amazons before she was set down within the corral with Michelle. “Alright, let's go get our drinks and then the show can begin!” Stuart smiled as him and the rest of the Amazons stepped over the fence and went to the kitchen. Liza took the little that she was bouncing. Michelle sighed as she saw the Amazons leave, her attention quickly turned to the five other littles in the playpen. They had grouped together and were whispering amongst themselves, “Sandy, meet the Board of Diapers, minus Thomas.” Sandy pointed to a pair of asian looking girls with matching scarlet and gold dresses, “Those two are Mi and Li, don’t ask me which is which, I don’t know.” The twins stuck their tongues out in synch. “Charming.” Sandy rolled her eyes. “That sorry excuse for a girl is Coco, or as she was formerly known, Michael.” Michelle pointed to a little dolled up in a frilly pink lace dress with flowing brown ringlets and a pacifier between her lips. “Doesn’t look too bad.” Sandy smiled, however, her smile was met with a scowl from the dolled up little. “That’s Kimberly.” Michelle gestured to the only other little that she recognized, Kimberly was dressed up nearly identical to when Sandy first saw her. “Kim, do you wear any other outfits?” Sandy raised an eyebrow. Kimberly looked like she was going to answer but remained silent. “Finally, that little trouble maker is Louis.” Michelle crossed her arms. “Oh, I’m the trouble maker?” The little that Michelle called Louis chuckled. He was dressed in a polo shirt and jeans that had a clear diaper bulge, “At least I’m not wearing a collar, none of us are that stupid.” Michelle growled and turned to Sandy, “See what I have to deal with?” She sighed and sat against the sectional, “So lemme prep you for what is about to happen. Remember all that work we saw Daddy put into making dinner tonight?” “Yeah, it looks really good.” Sandy smiled as she thought about all the food. “There is one spot open at that table and we are fighting for it!” Michelle smiled as Sandy sat next to her. “Excuse me?” Sandy was confused, why would she be fighting for a spot at the table? Surely the Amazons wouldn’t let them starve, right? “The show, it goes on at every directorate party. It's basically a cute off, we all put on an act and try and be the cutest, because the cutest gets the seat. It used to be that there were two seats up, but that was before it was decided that Thomas always got a seat.” Michelle grumbled the last part. “W-what happens if we don’t win a seat?” Sandy looked past Michelle at the group of littles whispering to themselves. “We get the jars of little food.” She shook her head, “Disgusting, it tastes like crap!” “So, we need to win the show then? We can both get the seat?” Sandy smiled at the prospect of eating all the food that she saw Stuart preparing. “I dunno, the only other pair was Mi and Li.” Michelle leaned in and whispered, “But they never win, Thomas’ mommy and daddy think they are creepy.” Sandy couldn’t help but giggle at the statement, however, her giggles quickly disappeared as the Amazons took their places on the sectional. Sandy and Michelle soon found themselves in between the legs of Stuart and Laurel. “Go and sit near the other littles you two.” Stuart smiled, a bottle of beer in his hand. Sandy looked up and saw wine glasses or beer bottles in the hands of almost every single Amazon. Thomas was sitting in the lap of his daddy who was drinking from a can of soda. “Come on Sandy.” Michelle sighed and started to crawl towards the assembled littles in the middle of the corral. Sandy followed Michelle and joined the group of littles. She could see the Amazons drinking and enjoying themselves, “Michelle, what do we do?” She said as her breath started to quicken. “Just uh, just play along.” Michelle whispered as Stuart stood up in front of the other Amazons. “Ladies and Gentlemen of the Directorate and their families. Welcome to the annual Festivus party!” Stuart smiled and waited for Liza to stop cheering, “As with every holiday party, as the host of this party it is my privilege to announce the start of The Show! However, this time we have a new contestant, the newest addition to my family, Sandy Crimson.” Stuart smiled at his two littles, “Now, as is tradition the hosts’ littles go first, folks, I present to you, the Crimson Littles!” Stuart smiled and took his seat on the couch. “Come on, it's our set.” Michelle sighed and guided Sandy as they waddled to the area in front of the couch, “I really should have been preparing for this when I was playing in the snow.” Sandy looked up at the faces of the Amazons, all laughing and smiling. Suddenly Sandy found herself not in front of the Amazons, she wasn’t even on Amazonia, she was back on Earth, at Bay Acres Elementary school. She was six, it was the school play, Springtime in Winter. She was a sunflower, all dressed to fit the part complete with headpiece. She was nervous as her que came up, when it was time she walked out onto the stage and looked out on the audience, scanning the crowd for her parents in their suits, all she saw were two empty chairs among a sea of blank faces. She started to cry for her mother and could feel her crotch growing warm before she was ushered off the stage by her teacher. Michelle was all ready to improv some cutesy stuff that she knew Amazons just adored. Just before she started Sandy burst into tears and started to call for her mommy, “Sandy? Are you okay?” She whispered. “I want my mommy!” She cried as she looked around trying to find her mother. Michelle sighed and hugged Sandy, “Sandy, Sandy. Sandy, look at me.” Michelle couldn’t help but steal glimpses at the Amazons, they seemed concerned, Laurel looked like she was about to go comfort Sandy. “M-michelle?” Sandy rubbed her eyes. “That's right, I’m right here Sandy.” Michelle smiled and rubbed Sandy’s back just as Laurel had done for her hundreds of times. “Did I ever tell you have have really bad stage fright.” Sandy chuckled a bit. “You big dolt.” She smiled as she touched her forehead to Sandy’s and kept hugging Sandy. “Very good girls.” Stuart smiled as Laurel quickly set her wine glass on the table and picked the two girls up. “Its okay Sandy, its okay.” She cooed as she sat back down before holding them close to her heart, “Its okay, Mommy is here.” “Next up is the second double act, The Twins!” Stuart smiled and nodded to the two littles. “I’m sorry Michelle, I ruined our chances.” She sighed as she rubbed her eyes more. She could just barely make out the twins doing some little cutsie dance routine. “It's fine, the little food isn’t that bad.” Michelle smiled and kissed Sandy’s forehead. The rest of the acts came and went until all that was left was to decide who won. “Alright everyone, time to vote. First off, the Crimsons.” Stuart smiled and raised his hand along with five other Amazons. “Come on! The twins had such a good routine this year!” Dr. Steel grumbled. “Yeah, but they are so fucking creepy!” Liza giggled, “Besides, that was adorable! Who doesn’t find little love cute as hell!” “Language dear.” Daniel sighed and covered Thomas’ ears. “Well the, given that the majority have voted for my adorable littles, they win!” Stuart smiled, “Now, girls, you have to decide who is going to eat with us.” “You should go Sandy. You got us the win.” Michelle smiled. “No, you go. You deserve after all you have done for me. I refuse to take the seat.” Sandy smiled back as she wiped the last few tears away. Laurel smiled and set Sandy down in the corral, “That was very nice of you Sandy.” Laurel smiled. “Alright everyone, let's go eat!” Stuart smiled and led the group of Amazons with the two littles into the kitchen where the table was set and the Crimson’s two highchairs were set up. Sandy sighed as the Amazons left the living room leaving her in the corral with the rest of The Board of Diapers, who quickly moved towards her. “Back off.” She frowned and sat against the couch. Louis frowned, “Why the hostility? Michelle has poisoned your mind against us hasn’t she?” “Shut up, you hate us!” Sandy grumbled as they surrounded her. “Why would we hate you?” The twins answered in unison. “Because we came from Earth, that's why you hate Michelle.” Sandy balled her fists in preparation for what could happen. “We don’t hate her because she is from Earth, we hate that she has been brainwashed into loving the Amazons.” Louis crossed his arms, “The Amazons aren’t as amazing as you think, we are all examples of that.” “What do you mean? Michelle isn’t brainwashed!” Sandy shook her head. “Oh is she? Mi, Li, show her.” Louis sighed as the twins waddled up to Sandy and lifted the back of their hair to expose tattoos on the nape. One said Mi, the other said Li. “See, their Amazon got them tattooed to tell which one is which!” “So?” Sandy started to tear up again. “Look at Micheal over there!” Louis pointed to the little known as Coco, “He didn’t want to be a girl! His Amazons wanted a girl but the waitlist for one was too long, so you know what they did? They adopted a little in Galice and had them make him a girl! Just because they couldn't wait and didn’t want to try and hunt one.” “H-hunt?” Sandy whimpered. “Yeah, hunt. That's when an Amazon forces one of us littles off the streets and into littlehood. I was a college student about to graduate from the top college in this damn country. But during winter break I got a bit tipsy and fell into a puddle. Bitch used that as an excuse to forcibly adopt me!” “No! Littles have rights in Libertality!” Sandy shook her head. She had finally found somewhere where she was loved and yet it was just an illusion, no, she was loved here! “Yeah, we do now. But a few years ago, not as much. There were still hunting laws on the books! Those got repealed recently, we know because the Amazons got pretty mad about them getting removed. The paradise that the Amazons advertise is not the product. Tell her Kim.” Louis sighed and looked at Kimberly. “It’s true.” Kim sighed. “No! Martha seems like one of the nicest people ever!” Sandy shook her head more. “Up until the point where she thinks I’ve talked too much and puts a silencer pacifier in my mouth, or when she thinks I’ve been up too much and straps me into my crib, or when she thinks I haven’t used my diapers enough so she gives me an enema!” Kim whimpered and started to tear up. “So you see Sandy.” Louis waddled up to her and put his hand on her shoulder, “We don’t hate Michelle, we want to save her.” Sandy’s tears started to dribble down her cheek as Louis and the other littles tried to break down per perception of the world where she was loved, the world where she finally felt happy after ages of just surviving, “No! You are just jealous!” Sandy started to cry and held her knees close to her chest, “YOU JUST WANT MOMMY AND DADDY FOR YOURSELFS” She screamed causing the other littles to jump back. “Whats going on?” Laurel frowned as she walked out of the dining room and into the living room. The sight of Sandy in the position she was in triggered the Amazon’s mothering instincts, “Shame on you all! You need to be nice to Sandy, especially since she is new. Your mommies and daddies will be very disappointed in you!” Laurel frowned as she picked up the crying mess that was Sandy and carried her into the kitchen. “What happened?” Liza looked up from her plate of turkey. “I don’t know. I saw the rest of the littles surrounding Sandy and she was crying her poor eyes out. They must have been angry that she and Michelle won the show.” Laurel sat down in her seat and next to Michelle’s high chair and started to calm Sandy down, “Its okay sweetie, how about some milkie, you like milkie huh?” Sandy nodded as she nuzzled her face into Laurel’s breast, “uh huh, milkie.” Laurel adjusted her dress so that Sandy could nurse as she ate her dinner, “There we go, good girl.” “Laurel, was Kimberly a part of that?” Martha frowned “I think so, but I can’t say for certain.” Laurel shrugged as she went back to eating. “Well I think someone will be getting an enema tonight unless I really like her explantation.” Martha frowned and drank some of her water. “So Daniel, how is the new portal coming along?” Stuart smiled as he took a swig from his beer bottle. “Well, the probes have found several promising dimensions, however, establishing diplomatic relations with these worlds seems unlikely as they have yet to move past primitive city states, but there is massive potential in my opinion.” Daniel smiled before wiping a bit of mashed potatoes off of Thomas’ face. “So that means we will be getting more littles?” Stuart smiled. “Oh yes, if we do our procurement properly we should have a very good supply of littles. If we are lucky we can have them revere us as gods and offer up their own as sacrifices, however, an in depth review of their societies would need to be conducted prior to anything of the sort. Liza smiled, “Everyone, I’d like to make a toast.” Liza raised her glass, “To The Bureau!” “To The Bureau!” The rest of the Amazons raised their glasses. ******** Stuart smiled as the party started to wrap up, aside from the incident just after they had started eating everything went smoothly, all the plates had been cleaned and put in the sink, the leftovers were put away, and Michelle and Sandy were snoozing away in their crib. Now all that was left was to explain his actions regarding the girls and Rainbow to his wife. “Hey Liza, Julieta, can you come here for a sec, I need your help to explain Rainbow and the girls to Laurel.” Stuart sighed as he braced himself. “Sure.” Liza walked over to Laurel, “Laurel, as you know Rainbow is our bath of littles we use for R&D purposes, right?” “Yes, and I saw that Stuart had signed the girls up to be a part of that group.” She crossed her arms. “Yes, well Stuart wanted…. Some custom work done and unfortunately what he wanted was not entirely…. Legal.” Liza looked down as Julieta took an SD card case from her purse. “Here you go Stuart.” She handed the case to Stuart who quickly opened it and examined the SD card inside. “What is that?” Laurel frowned. “An early Festivus gift.” Stuart smiled and handed it to Laurel, “You always said that you regretted not having an kids of your own, well with this we can.” “Stuart, I don't understand.” Laurel looked at the case with confusion. “Hypnotic suggestion.” Liza smiled, “Illegal under nearly every circumstance, except R&D for exportation to other countries, thus warrenting the girls be put into Rainbow, because this is technically an R&D project.” “That makes sense, I guess.” Laurel had no idea what they were saying and just said that so she move on, “So what do we do?” “Well.” Julieta smiled, “Just slot this into any mobile’s SD slot and it will implant the commands into the girls as they sleep. Now, the commands will essentially change the girls’ mindsets. I programed the following into the commands: Infant, toddler, grade school, high school, college, and reset. Rest assured that the girls’ personalities will not be changed in anyway, shape, or form. All that changes is their mindset.” Laurel was stunned, “I-I don’t know what to say.” “Your welcome.” Liza smiled as she put her fur coat back on, “Happy Festivus.” She said before walking out the door. “Happy Festivus.” Julieta nodded as she followed Liza. “Well? Do you like it?” Stuart smiled nervously. “I don’t like that you went behind my back to get it. You could have just told me.” Laurel sighed. “But where is the surprise in that?” Stuart smiled. Laurel smiled back, “I love it. Happy Festivus you loveable rock you.” “Happy Festivus dear.” Stuart smiled and kissed Laurel. “By the way, for going behind my back like you did, you are on diaper detail all day tomorrow.” END OF CHAPTER

Nothing at all wrong with cutting toxic influences out of your life, even if they're blood. I haven't spoken to my own mother in several years because it was just long past time to stop her from hurting me over and over again.

Bravo, thank you for another fantastic chapter. Looking forward to seeing more.

I've cut off toxic family members. I know it can be hard- but you also have to remember to look out for yourself and take care of yourself. Users won't care if they bleed you dry- they'll just dump and move onto the next person they can take advantage of.

viii. Lindsey The young woman in the first row hesitated for a moment before standing. This is what she’d come for, but it was easier in her mind than in real life, and it wasn’t easy at all in her mind. Still, she needed this. She needed to talk to someone. Anyone. The feelings in her mind were so odd, so twisted around. She needed someone else to hear them, to help her make sense of them. So, though she almost sat back down without fully rising, she forced herself to stand. “I think we have someone new ready to speak,” Jim, the group leader, said. He was about 40 with soft eyes and a kind face. She felt safer with him here. All eyes in the room were on her; it was physically painful. God she hated speaking in public. She’d rather do anything else, and she was sure death itself would be easier. All those eyes… She didn’t start speaking right away. In fact, she stood silent for so long that a raven-haired woman near her said, sympathetically, “It’s all right. Saying it all out loud can be hard. Maybe next week?” She looked at the seated woman; she had spoken earlier, a very sad story about how much she missed her best friend, who’d been taken from her. She had cried; hell, they all had cried. None of this was easy. “No,” Lindsay said. “I’m OK. I have to do this.” She turned toward the group, about thirty people of varying ages and backgrounds, many of whose stories she’d heard in the last few weeks. Now it was her turn. She thought perhaps she was going to be sick, but it passed. In normal times, you couldn’t pay her enough to speak out at a meeting like this; she was simply too shy and too private. But these were not normal times; the Bond had seen to that. There would never be normal times again. She began slowly and softly, stammering a little. “A f-few of you know some of my story, but I’ll t-tell it again for those who don’t.” Those eyes kept looking at her, all interested, but they unnerved her. She decided to focus somewhere else and picked a spot on the far wall. Shaking off the pain in her mind, she continued. “My name is Lindsey Jacobi, and my best friend was named Carly LoPresti. I say ‘was’ despite the fact that she’s still alive because...well, you all understand. She’s just Carly now, though I rarely get to see her.” Someone in the third row unpacked some tissues; people here were always ready for tears. But her story would likely elicit a very different reaction. “Carly and I met in first grade when we were assigned seats next to each other, and we just hit it off. We did everything together: hung out at recess, sat together in the cafeteria, spent loads of time at each other’s houses. We were like sisters. And unlike some friends who drifted apart over the years, we stayed that way. It helped that we enjoyed the same activities. We both played tennis, for example, and we played together often. In high school, we were both on the tennis team and the yearbook. We were so inseparable that there were rumors we were lesbians, but that’s high school for you.” A few small laughs of recognition came from the crowd. She looked down at their eyes; everyone was watching with sympathetic expressions. The pain subsided as she went on. “We were so afraid of losing each other after high school that we went to the same college. We even roomed together, though people advised us that we could jeopardize our relationship by doing that. Didn’t happen: we’d already spent so much time together—our families even vacationed together—that we knew each other’s habits before we got there. I knew she was a bit of a neat freak; she knew I was a fan of old music from the 80s. I may not have been as naturally neat as she was, but we went through college in pretty clean dorm rooms to a soundtrack of Journey and Bruce Springsteen. “ Heads nodded. This was familiar stuff to many of the people gathered there. “And we were the rarest of friends: we even became roommates after college. Four years of living together had taught us that we just loved each other’s company. Even when we got into romantic relationships—me with a boy, her with a girl—we never considered moving out. Our lovers ended up good friends and we had many double dates together before the relationships fizzled. “And until the Bond.” Again, heads nodded all about the room. Everyone here had lost someone to the Bond. It was the entire raison d’etre for FAFOP: a place where you could come to commiserate and be assured that you were not alone. She knew that, just as she knew that she was different from all of them. And she suspected that they might be less receptive to the remainder of her tale. Still, she continued. “Like all of the other stories I’ve heard here, it came with no warning. It was January; we were just finishing an hour of tennis at the club and we went into the locker room to change, and there she was. Audrey. Her name is Audrey LeBeau and it is accurate: she’s simply beautiful. Strikingly so. Long blonde hair, perfect tall athletic body. Carly stopped for just a moment to, I guess, appreciate her, and when Audrey looked up and their eyes met...they bonded. I knew in an instant: Carly and I were so close that the far-off look in her eyes told me everything. I had never seen it before, and she kept staring at Audrey, and, well, I knew what it was. “My first reaction was the same as most of you: I wanted to deny it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to go back in time and never enter that locker room. But what I did instead was just stand there, frozen, unable to do anything.” The woman next to her, the one who had spoken earlier, said, “There was nothing you could have done.” “I know,” said Lindsey. “I know. But my best friend and a lot of future plans, like the cruise we had booked for the spring, were vanishing in front of my eyes. It was...hard to process. And then, Audrey spoke to her, calling her Pet and promising to take care of her, and it was like I had disappeared.” She looked out to the listening crowd. “But I hadn’t disappeared. I was still right there. And I wasn’t screaming or crying because I think I was in shock. So I simply said, ‘What does this mean for us?’ “Audrey briefly glanced at me. God knows what she saw: a half-dressed woman with a stunned look on her face, I guess. But I asked again. ‘What does it mean for us, Carly?’ And Audrey reached out, took my best friend’s hand, and asked her who I was to her, never taking her eyes off of her new Pet. When Carly told her how important we had always been to each other, Audrey surprised me. I had never heard of a Keeper doing this, but she asked Carly if she wanted to hold onto the relationship. My heart stopped while Carly considered. She told me later that she only hesitated because she wondered if it would cause me pain, but she said yes. And Audrey finally turned directly to me: “‘You know what a Keeper/Pet relationship means, right?’ I nodded. ‘Well, it’s usually extremely focused on the two of us, and I’m sure it will be, but I’m not going to insist on exclusivity. I don’t need to be the whole focus of her existence. I’m very happy to let my Pet have an old friend in her life if it is something you can handle.’” “Wow,” someone said, and Lindsey responded. “Yeah. I’d never heard of that either. It floored me for a moment. I thought about seeing Carly that way—as a Pet, in a diaper, maybe in a cage—and cringed. But I also thought about never seeing her again, and it hurt far worse. And the look in my best friend’s eyes begged me to agree, so I did.” “You kept the friendship?” asked a man in the middle of the room. Lindsey nodded. “Yes. At first it was very hard. Audrey and I argued about division of the things in the apartment. She wasn’t being greedy; she just wasn’t sure that she’d be able to keep Carly secure and happy without the money from her things. But we came to an agreement. I kept most of the stuff inside and she took our car to sell along with the things that clearly belonged to Carly. It was OK; I should have had my own car by then anyway.” “But how does it work?” the man asked. “A friendship with a Pet? I can hardly look at my daughter now; I get so upset and angry at the world.” Lindsey smiled for the first time. “I think that’s why it works,” she said. “I’m not angry. I’m disappointed, but not angry. I ended up taking my mother on the cruise; we had a great time. And when I got back I showed Carly all the pictures.” “Didn’t that upset her?” asked someone. “No, and I knew it wouldn’t. She just didn’t care about that sort of thing anymore. All she cared about was keeping Audrey happy...and the fact that I was willing to stay in her life.” The woman next to Lindsey’s seat spoke again. “But...how could it work? How could you even stand being with her like that?” “As I said, whatever pain I felt was less than the pain I’d have felt not seeing my very best friend ever again.” “But what was it like?” the woman asked. Lindsey contemplated. She was getting close to the part she was afraid to say, and she decided to tread carefully. “At first,” she said, “it was horrible. I went to Audrey’s house for a visit and only lasted half an hour. Just...seeing Carly on the floor, in a collar and diaper, fawning at Audrey’s feet was so uncomfortable.” “I’ll bet,” said the man in the middle of the room. “Yeah,” Lindsey continued, “but I came back. And it got easier. She was still Carly even though she was a Pet. Take away all of the accoutrements and she was the same girl she always was, just with a strange new fixation on Audrey and a desperate need to be petted.” “Don’t forget the sexual stuff,” the man said. “Pets and Keepers are supposed to have insatiable appetites.” She looked out into the group, finally allowing her eyes to meet theirs. “They do, Carly tells me. And this is the thing I wanted to say. Carly says she is the happiest she has ever been. She has a relationship that she knows can never sour; she has all of the sex she wants, and she tells me it is awesome. She derives extreme pleasure from a simple stroke on her head or Audrey telling her that she’s a good girl. She has every one of her needs taken care of for her. She could have lived without the diaper and the incontinence, but she says it’s a small price to pay for all of the joy Audrey brings to her life. In fact, she has corroborated everything those other Pets said a few weeks ago. And I’m starting to think that…” She paused, knowing how this would be taken. “...maybe being a Pet isn’t such a bad thing. Maybe we ought to be envying them, not mourning them.” Lindsey watched as the people in the room processed that statement. The first responses didn’t take long. “Envy them?” “They have lost their human rights; they are property!” “Would you want to parade around naked in a diaper? Following someone on a leash?” She let the comments come; she’d known that they would. Mourning was the thing that all of these people had in common. They didn’t know anything else. When the initial hubbub settled down, she spoke again. “I know,” she said. “All that you’re saying is true. Nonetheless, the more I talk to Carly, the more I…” Here it comes. “...want to be someone’s Pet.” The room erupted, people talking over each other, and Lindsey could tell by the volume and the things she could pick out that she had been right, but it was far worse than she’d imagined: this revelation went over about as well the crippled, burning Hindenburg. She felt that she herself was crashing, burning. She summoned up her strength as Jim silenced the crowd. “Now, now,” he was saying. “We’re here to listen, not to judge.” And as he continued to speak, they calmed down. She took a deep breath. “I know you must think I’m some sort of traitor to the cause. I feel that way myself sometimes. But I know what I’ve seen and felt at Audrey’s house is genuine love. The Bond is deep and powerful: those two care for each other as I’ve never seen anyone do before. They can practically read each other’s minds, and it’s only been four months. Imagine what their connection will be like in a year, in ten. Can any of us truthfully say that we live for our significant others? Can any of us truly say that we actually can’t conceive of anything but a lifetime of even greater bliss? Can any of us even imagine a connection that deep and selfless?” It was Jim himself who spoke next, his mind almost certainly on his daughter. “How can the relationship be selfless when one partner exists to serve at the whim of the other? Isn’t that selfish? Lindsey shook her head. “I’ve watched their dynamic, and as far as I know it’s the same for all Keepers and Pets. As much as Carly lives for Audrey, Audrey lives for her. If anything is wrong, Audrey hurts as much as Carly. I’ve seen her respond to Carly in moments of crisis. Like, we went for a walk one day. Some passerby—a member of one of those anti-Pet groups—made a nasty remark about Carly. I won’t repeat it here. But I watched as the words seared into both of their faces. And since Audrey was the one who could, she confronted the jerk. Understand, she’s tall but she’s not imposing, and he looked dangerous. Still, she got all in his face, yelling that his callous words had hurt them both and threatening to report him to the Keeper/Pet Defamation League...and you know how much those people want a test case for their hate crime initiative. “Anyway, like most bullies, the idiot backed down. He was alone against at least three others; he must not have liked the odds. Tell me that doesn’t say something. Wouldn’t you fight for an SO who would stand up for you that way? Don’t you hope yours would? But you don’t know, do you?” Married couples in the room glanced at each other, assessing these words. Lindsey suddenly realized just how long she’d had their attention, and the old pain returned to her mind. She hadn’t spoken in front of a crowd in ages, let alone this long and saying things they didn’t want to hear. She looked at the faces in the room. Some were sympathetic still, but several had hardened. She knew this would be her last meeting for sure, just as she’d thought it would be. “I’ll stop now,” she said. “But the bottom line is that, if I’m lucky enough to Bond, it really won’t matter to me which way it goes. Both sides win in that relationship, despite appearances.” She sat back down as Jim returned to the podium and continued the meeting. **** **** **** **** **** “I told them,” she said to Audrey and Carly the next day. “I doubt that I convinced anyone of anything, though.” Audrey smiled from her seat next to Lindsey on the sofa. “That’s all right, Linds. I’m proud that you were able to do it at all; I know how scared you are of public speaking.” Carly was curled up at her Mistress’s feet, sitting in what would surely have been an uncomfortable position for her a year ago. “I can’t believe you did it!” she said. “Did you say how happy we are?” “I said it all,” she said, reaching out to scritch her best friend’s head. Carly purred. She’d been doing that lately. Audrey sat back. “And you actually told them you wouldn’t mind being a Pet?” Lindsey nodded. Audrey fixed her with her eyes. “Did you mean that?” Lindsey was confused. “What are you asking me?” Audrey smiled. “I can’t bond with you, Linds, but I could treat you as if I had, if you want.” Carly perked up. “Really, Mistress? You’d do that for me? Oh, Linds, think of it: we could be together all the time again.” Lindsey stroked her friend again. “It’s an...interesting proposition.” Audrey raised her eyebrows. “‘Interesting’?” “Yes,” Lindsey replied. “I mean, how would it even work? I’m not a Pet. I lack basic biological aspects and...instinctive responses. And I couldn’t have the same security that normal Pets do; it would be a pretense.” “True,” Audrey said. “But you’re forgetting how much my darling Carly wants this. She’s the one who asked for it in the first place.” “Really, Carly?” “Oh yes,” the Pet said. “We’ve been talking about it for the last few weeks. I just didn’t think she was interested.” “So you see,” continued Audrey, “that you would have security, since I’d do anything to make my Pet happy. Unless you feel that there is danger that the two of you won’t—” “No danger there,” said Lindsey. “Our friendship survived the Bond; it can survive anything. No, I’m more concerned about logistics. Since I’m still human, how could I ever respond like a Pet? And I don’t have their body temperature; I’d need clothing. And I don’t need diapers, not that I want them. Nor could I sleep in a cage; my body doesn’t bend that way.” Audrey shrugged. “There are some things we will just have to work out, but for the rest: I have a friend who does some wonderful things with hypnotic suggestions. She can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, but then...you do want to do this. Don’t you, Sweet Girl? It was the first time Audrey had ever used a Pet name on her, and Lindsey felt a thrill go through her. She considered the things that stood in her way. A dead-end job. A few friends but no one all that close. An apartment and car she had to pay for. What else? Her mother? No, her mother would totally understand. She knew that Lindsey had always had a submissive streak and she supported her daughter’s decisions. They’d even talked about it after Carly bonded: her mother was fine. “Money issues?” she asked. “Well,” said Audrey, “we don’t have the law providing for us, but that doesn’t mean you can’t just give me all of your belongings. They will go a long way toward helping us all live. And as for your apartment, well, it’s bigger than this one; Carly thinks we could all be more comfortable there. And our lease is up for renewal this month…” “I can’t believe I’m actually considering this,” Lindsey said. “You’re doing more than that, Little One. You’re doing it.” There was that same thrill, and Lindsey knew that Audrey was right. “OK, then,” she said. “Let’s try it. When can I meet your hypnotist?” Carly squealed and jumped up to hug her friend; Audrey didn’t seem to mind. It was going to be a very, very interesting experiment, and the Keeper smiled at the prospect. “I’ll give her a call,” she said. Lindsey sat back and contemplated the magnitude of what she’d just agreed to. She knew there were PetPlay groups online; everyone did. She’d never been that interested in them, and now she was going to live what they only imagined and pretended. “Um, Linds?” Audrey said. “What?” “Pets don’t sit on the furniture.” It took a moment to register, and then, “Oh! Of course...Mistress.” She slid off of the sofa and sat next to her friend. “This is going to be all right, isn’t it, Carly?” Carly hugged her close. “So all right,” she said. “So very all right.”

At first I hated it and went through the whole why me thing. Today I love it and want it no other way

Same to me. It's defiantly a big different if you wet your self for fun - or because you can't hold it. Luckily I make it to overcome my IC at last mostly for the daytime. How ever it still sucks and I hate it if I wet myself in the night or when I _have_ to where pads or diapers when it's uncertain if a toilet is in reach. I'm still a DL and I still have sometimes fun with diapers (even if it's not that frequent anymore as before of the starting of my IC). How ever - the point is - I like to have the control over it - and it really sucks if a part of your body doesn't work as expected anymore.

If fate places a good opportunity in front of you, take it. Beats the heck out of having regrets over not taking it later on Bettypooh

I like doing the same thing. But I don't have a paci. My wife understand diapers and I have my teddy but she won't let me have a paci.

earlier in the topic was about incontinent desires. i use a foley silastic cathater with a bag in my panties. you can feel it drain all the time. its 900 ml. no real chance of infection if done right. the cathater needs to be changed to a new one every 2 weeks to a month. after about 6 months now im incontinent for the most part. if i wear a diaper and no cath i cant go but a few minutes without wetting it. if i wear one at night i will wet it every few minutes. infection comes when you reuse the bag without cleaning it and the connection to the cath. bleech and antibiotic soap and then alchol on everything. especialy the part that connects to the cath. if you leave the the cath in the diaper then cut the valve out of one of the bags. you feel it running in your diaper. QUESTION bet wetting and diaper wear. HOW DO YOU KEEP FROM WETTING THE BED. that being all over the place and having to do a laundry every morning. no plastic pants i found keep it in.

Part 7 Once she’d finished I was wearing a double thickness nappy (she’d seen just how much I’d wet) and a voluminous pair of white pvc pants were stretched over it. Again, my shorts wouldn’t fit so I suggested I put on the suit shorts as I knew they would. Auntie said they were far too smart to be sitting around in so, I guessed it would be back to wandering around the house in just my protection. Auntie loaded the suit onto hangers and said she’d put it in her wardrobe until I went home. On exiting the attic she mentioned that, as we had no plans on going anywhere else for the rest of the day, and unless I wanted to play outside, which she said was fine by her, I might as well stay as I was. Again I marvelled where auntie got all this stuff from but I suppose, after years of baby sitting and looking after the neighbourhood’s kids (of all ages), she was bound to have loads of equipment. I asked if she knew if she’d kept her Barnaby Blue annual. She shook her head but after a seconds thought suggested that I take a look in one of the many storage cases that were piled up around me in the attic. “I’ve no idea what you might find in those.” She said pointing to a particularly ancient looking case and several other boxes piled in the corner. In fact, the room was crammed with packages, boxes and suitcases; the only space was about a two foot corridor around the bed. The attic was quite a big area so she’d been able to cram a lot of stuff up there over the years and had obviously forgotten just which box contained what. # As I started to move items around I became aware of just how much ‘baby’ stuff she had. She’d obviously got it all ready for little Jane and Johnny’s needs… and now mine. There were piles of plastic pants of all colours and sizes, bottles, nappies, clothing and quite a few other appropriate things, which I assumed spanned several decades. At one point, burrowing amongst some ancient looking boxes, I was frightened by a sudden groan, which sounded like a ghost or something. For a few seconds I was stunned into paralysis as I feared what ‘undead’ character I might have disturbed. Thankfully, I came to my senses and grasped that a very old and moth-eaten teddy bear had rolled over and emitted its broken growl. That brief few seconds of fear had released a spurt of nervous pee, which had turned into a torrent that I didn’t know I was holding on to. However, my nappy did its business and soaked it up and although a lot damper, I didn’t let it dampen my enthusiasm in searching for the Barnaby Blue annual. # Dust was getting everywhere as I delved into each and every container. There were clothes and toys I suspected from when mum lived here, a chest with Uncle Bill’s old clothes and a few of his belongings, as well as items I assumed were from when auntie was a newlywed. Old curtains, sheets, blankets, wallpaper pattern books, old crockery, pans, furniture and newspapers, books and reams of paper crammed into folders that looked like they’d been kept from some work project. There appeared to be some useful stuff around but in general, I couldn’t see a function for most of it. Time just disappeared as I hunted for that illusive book and I only realised how long I’d been searching when auntie called me down to eat. She laughed when she saw me as I was absolutely covered in cobwebs and who knows what else. My t-shirt had dirty marks all over it but oddly enough, the white pvc plastic nappy cover looked as pristine as it had when it was put on. Of course she couldn’t tell that underneath I was flooded because of the thick, shiny, dust and crap resistant fabric. “Are you going back up to search some more after dinner?” “There’s so much up there to explore…” “Okay, well I’ll leave you as you are for the time being but you’ll need to wash your hands and face.” She pointed to the bathroom so did what was expected. I didn’t know whether to confess my nappy was wet but I thought she had enough to do with getting the meal ready and didn’t need something else to distract her. Although I was wet, for some reason, it wasn’t bothering me. Nor was the fact that I’d just peed myself and had let loose without even thinking about what I was doing. # When I returned, waiting on the table was a fantastic beef hot-pot one of my favourite meals auntie cooks. After I’d finished having several helpings I really was too full to do any further exploring so, still wearing my wet nappy and pvc pants, settled down in front of the TV with auntie. All in all it had been quite a busy day and I dozed off whilst watching one of the ‘soaps’ auntie followed. Auntie gently woke me up as she slipped her finger up the leg hole of my pants and found I was sopping. I couldn’t be sure but may well have wet some more whilst dozing. She’d been in two minds whether to leave me until bedtime proper but thought it best rather than sit around in my own pee to get me ready for bed. Auntie led me to the bathroom and I was surprised to see that now there were more supplies stacked on the set of drawers. “It will be easier, after a bath or shower, to just change you here although there’s still plenty next to your bed.” She smiled reassuringly as if I should be pleased with this new arrangement of now having two changing areas. I wasn’t not pleased… but once again felt guilty about the workload I was giving auntie. What was worse, I wasn’t even questioning why I was wetting my nappy… I just did it and sometimes, even when I wasn’t sleeping. This was stupid. I needed to get back control as I could think of no reason to be in this wetting situation. I had no worries. I wasn’t at school. Auntie was her usual wonderful self. So, why I had suddenly stopped knowing when to go to the toilet was a mystery. And then I had a thought. # It’s a mystery that Barnaby Blue might like to investigate. I was in two minds as to whether to go up to my bedroom and recommence the search for the illusive album but, auntie had already set out a fresh nappy (with extra padding) so I wasn’t going anywhere in the near future… except maybe to bed. As I’d made such a soggy mess of the other nappy she was obviously taking further precautions for when I slept. I suppose she thought I was more likely to wet whilst asleep than when awake. Anyway, it felt like I was wearing a cushion and when she slipped up the clear, tight vinyl pants, the padding made walking almost impossible. As I’d fallen asleep once already auntie led me straight up to my room and tucked me in. It wasn’t very late but it didn’t seem to matter as she kissed me good night and added that the bed looked pretty big with just me in it. With that she passed me a rather soft stuffed monkey for company and smiled. There’d been a group of stuffed animals in a plastic container, some were in better condition than others, the monkey was perhaps the newest. I wasn’t sure if this was something she’d done with little Johnny or if it was for my benefit but when auntie smiled her encouraging smile, I found it irresistible. Without thinking about it I acted like a toddler (not even an eight year old) as instinctively I immediately hugged him tightly and settled down with my new friend. # The night was filled with bits of silly little dreams. There was nothing much I could remember in the morning but despite that I felt like I’d had a very busy night. However, to my surprise I woke up dry. I was pretty pleased with myself, and, at nearly twelve, I should be because I saw this as a sign. I’d pretty much woken up soaked for the past few weeks, peeing my pants in school had been an accident, as had the messy nappy I’d presented to auntie when I arrived. I put that down to just bad planning but I couldn’t explain why, sometimes during the day, my nappy could sometimes mysteriously wet itself without realising it. I’d been lying awake for a few minutes thinking about this when auntie came in all cheerful smiles and enthusiastic chat. “It looks like it’s going to be another lovely Monday… “ She looked at me as if she knew I hated Mondays and she was having a joke at my expense. “I’m not sure what you want to do but I need to do a bit of shopping… you can come with me if you like… or there’s the park or…” “Actually auntie, I’d like to see if I could find that book.” For a brief moment a memory of one of my dreams, of me as Barnaby Blue almost solving a case, slipped into my head, but then it just as easily slipped away again. “Well, I’ve been trying my best to think,” she tapped her head, “where it might be and, although I’m not certain, I suspect if I still have it… it will be over there.” She pointed to the darkest corner of the room that was piled high with stuff that I’d not got round to even thinking about sorting through in yesterday’s search. My heart sank a little because of the amount of junk I’d have to plough through but, I was determined, if auntie had kept it, I wanted to read about this incredible nine year old in action. I’d become obsessive. # “Well that sounds like my friends at the club have really sold that little guy to you.” I nodded enthusiastically. “Okay sweetie, get up for some breakfast when you’re ready…” Actually I was famished; those hectic dreams had really taken it out of me. “I’m ready now,” and swept back my blankets to reveal my dry protection. “I’ll change you after you’ve eaten…” “No need auntie,” I smiled, “I’m dry.” “Alright then, let’s get this day rolling.” I’m always surprised when auntie says something like that because I don’t expect her to use that kind of vocabulary but that’s auntie for you… an enigma. I waddled downstairs wearing what I’d just slept in and ate breakfast, after which she asked if I wanted something less bulky for the day. Actually I was quite comfy and dry so told her it was unnecessary and happy to stay as I was. I also pointed out that as I was going to be covered in dirt and dust by the time I finished my search, perhaps it was best not to add to the laundry just yet. Auntie nodded approvingly and patted my well-padded bottom as I excused myself and went to work on project ‘Barnaby Blue’. I was actually pretty excited about exploring the attic some more. I’d already discovered loads of things, which I hoped to chat to auntie about at some point, though in the meantime the Barnaby annual was my main objective. Now auntie had pointed me in the right direction (or so I hoped) I couldn’t wait to get started. # I hadn’t peed in my nappy but it was a little damp through night sweats and the plastic holding in all the moisture. However, I quite liked the firm feeling it gave shaped snugly around my crotch… also the plastic pants would be easily washable compared to wearing normal shorts with all that dust around. Although this level of thoughtfulness was usually beyond me, I was thinking in a way I hoped Barnaby thought. As it was, Auntie had made it plain that she expected everything that was moved to be kept neat and tidy; she didn’t want to return to an area as if a bomb had dropped on it. So again, not like me, I was methodical in the care I took, which also meant it took quite a bit of time sorting through everything and then re-stacking them cautiously. There were boxes full of balls of wool and half started knitted items. I remembered that nearly every year when my brothers and I were young, we’d each receive a couple of new jumpers from auntie. They were always pretty good. Piled high were newspapers, clothing patterns, magazines, books, photo albums mixed in with ancient kitchenware and bedding. It was all quite a mish-mash but if there were books in the pile, I couldn’t avoid taking a closer look just in case ‘Barnaby’ had gotten mixed up between them. I have to say auntie appeared to have kept every book she must have ever read, they occupied boxes and boxes, however, it wasn’t obvious that she’d have kept something from her own youth. # I had no idea how long I was hunting around but auntie must have gone out and returned from her shopping expedition and I had only just broken the surface. Occasionally I’d stop, my attention being grabbed by something; a toy, a book, a headline on a newspaper, so time just flew by without me really noticing it. When she appeared at the top of the stairs with an ice-cold orange drink I hadn’t realised just how thirsty I was. My mouth had gone dry with all the dust particles so the refreshing drink was downed in one long satisfying gulp. She went and got me another and on returning found me looking at an old photo album. A beam of sunlight was streaming in through the small attic window that only illuminated a tiny area. I sat in that bright shaft thumbing through the album’s contents, noticing mum as a young lady with auntie and Uncle Bill. The attic wasn’t cold but in that shaft of sunlight it felt very warm and inviting so I settled looking at the photographs. Some seemed very old although, thankfully, most had captions. I was very relaxed sitting in the sun and it was remarkable just how quickly my plastic pants heated up. I was soon sweating and the plastic became very hot and malleable. # As I downed my second glass auntie joined me and happily reminisced over a few of the photographs. I was glad of the short break and she laughed whilst removing a smudge of dirt from my face. “Just like your mother… always getting into scrapes …” It was funny because I never imagined mum being my age and the thought made me smile as auntie told me about some of her adventures where she ended up covered in mud and grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Apparently mum was a bit of a tomboy. Eventually, auntie picked up the empty glass and told me not to be too long as she’d have a meal on the table in thirty minutes. She looked at her watch. “Actually, you’ve been up here hours, I bet your starving.” She looked around the attic and said I’d done a good job keeping it all tidy but we’d have to do something about all the disturbed dust before I went to bed that night. Then, suddenly, out of the corner of her eye she spotted a small, battered blue case propping up an old wood and glass display cabinet. “Ohh, I’d forgotten all about that,” she said pointing to it, “I think the annual might just be in that… because that case was one your mum used to keep all he ‘secret’ stuff in. I also remember her reading that book once so… it just might be in there.” I became quite excited… that was a mistake. The idea I might be spying into something mum had kept secret and that the book might actually be within my grasp was exciting. I had to crawl between a couple of ‘A’ frame beams with low buttresses to reach it and my plastic pants got caught on a sharp splinter of wood. I realised I was jammed and tried to wriggle past the obstacle only for my protection to get pulled down. My plastic pants were ripped and, up until that moment, I hadn’t known I was wet until the smell of warm pee filled my nostrils. Pretty soon, my wriggling, reaching, squirming and pulling produced results; my nappy was stuck on the spike of wood and had become decorated with streaks of dust. After a bit of awkward manoeuvring, I was able to retrieve the small blue case and return to my patch of sunshine. #tbc#

As for feel, the soft fresh padding of my diaper completely enveloping every sensitive millimeter of my genitals gets me so turned on with every move throughout the day. I am always aware my diaper is on, since the slightest move caresses me, making me aroused most every waking minute. As for looks, seeing my thick diaper snugged around my pelvic region looks so cute & sexy. As for psychological, knowing that I am fully dependent on my diapers to keep my clothes dry is a form of bondage and submission to me. I need to be in diapers for the rest of my life, and they will care for me and keep me happy. I love them!

My diaper fantasy is to be disciplined with diapers, forced to wear them, wet and messy, for long periods of time. The more I misbehave, the longer I'd have to stay in the diaper. I'd be double diapered to handle leaks and only the outside diaper changed when needed.

On more than one occasion my wife has straddled me and wet my diapers. Yes, it's unbelievably hot. She's also a fan of wetting her diapers while my face is pressed against them.