Watersports

I'm pretty neutral on the indicators. My indicator is when I feel wet, so I don't need them. But for those diapers that do have them, they need to be anything other than a solid line.

Just making some chicken nuggets for game night snacks.

Hey all.  New chapter. I know I'm laying some groundwork here, but don't worry plenty of our favorite stuff in the coming chapters.   Chapter 5 Jake stirred and woke. He stretched his arms and yawned, then looked at his phone. 8:15. Wow! He had slept in and really slept peacefully. Hunter must've actually slept through the night or he wet his diaper. HIS diaper…. It was a bit of a funny thought and one he never could've imagined a couple of years ago. Still, if everything worked out, it would become the norm.     He rolled over to see which scenario played out, but he saw that Hunter was actually not in bed. He was a bit surprised. Normally, Hunter couldn't flinch without waking him up, but here he was all alone in the bed and it was obvious that Hunter had been gone for some time. Upon reaching for his phone again, he now noticed that there was a handwritten note under it.    “Went for a jog with Luke, be home in a bit.”   “How cute.” He thought. “My little tinklers went for a run together.”   Initially, he laughed at his own thoughts, but then he realized how mean that was. He really didn't want any harm to come either of them, if anything, he was trying to help them both. It was just that they needed help in a different way. Lucas could get better, Lucas could beat it, Lucas would soon sleep dry. Hunter could not beat his nagging need to pee. Hunter wasn't going to magically stop having to go potty all night. The only way to help him was to regress him at night. It was becoming more and more obvious that that was the only way!   Mason had already awakened and jumped in the shower. He was quickly dressed and then his phone had an alert. It was Lucas, notifying him that breakfast was handled. He smiled and headed downstairs. Jake got the same text and headed down a few minutes later, showered and dressed, himself.    Mason and Jake thanked Hunter and Luke for picking up IHOP on the way home. It was unusual that they would get a “to-go” breakfast, but the restaurant was close enough for the guys to swing by on their jog and nobody was particularly disappointed about not having to cook on a lazy morning.   They had a fairly chill Sunday before their routines kicked up for the week. Mason asked Jake if it was really necessary for them to keep wearing the protection for the rest of the week. He assured him that it was. He was working on a long-term plan here and they had to be patient. Mason didn't like it, but he had already figured that would be the outcome, so he was not exceptionally disappointed.    The week flew by pretty quick. Despite wearing diapers, Hunter made several overnight bathroom trips throughout the week. Jake knew he had to play the long game, but he would have hoped that his better half would have taken the subtle hint. At the very least, it would have been convenient if he would have had an accident. Jake wasn't trying to hurt his feelings by wishing for that, but it would've at least given him grounds to push for Hunter to stay in them a bit longer.   Everyone agreed that Thursday would be the last night they would wear them. Lucas being the exception, of course. Jake decided to make a bold move. As they were getting ready for bed, he decided to try a little bit of a direct approach.    “Baby, I was hoping we could have an adult conversation about something.”   “Of course, hon, what's up?”   “Well. The thing is…. You know we're both gonna get out of work early again tomorrow and, honestly, I have a lot of work I have to get done in the morning so that can happen.”   “Okay and…”   “Frankly. I could use a good night's sleep. It would be a big help.”   “Oh! Jacob, That's easy. I'll take care of it. All you had to do was ask.”   “Really? You don't mind?”   “Babe, no, of course not. It's been so great having you back with me again, I can stand one night in the other room. Honestly, I insist, you stay here and keep the big bed for you. I'll go to sleep in the guest room.”   Jake almost felt guilty. Hunter had this sweetest little look on his face. He was trying to be a helper and a good partner. He almost abandoned the whole thing, but then he realized he had to follow through on this.    “No. Hunty, that's awesome that you would offer that. That's not what I was getting at, though. I really want us to be able to continue sleeping together as a couple. It's been amazing and I don't want to go backward.”   “Then I don't…”   “Let me just say it. Maybe you don't have to get up to go potty if the urge hits you.”   Hunter looked a little irked. “I wish you wouldn't say it like that. I'm not some little kid. I don't feel like you need to trivialize my condition.”   Jake appeared to have lightly tapped a nerve. “I'm sorry, I know you're sensitive about your problem. It's hard to have to go wee wee all night, not be able to hold it. It's not easy.”   Hunter was a bit taken back and, frankly, a little bit annoyed. He didn't like being spoken to this way. Why was Jacob being like this? He never trivialized this situation so much before. He decided not to argue. They had come so far the last couple of weeks, why make it a big thing.   “In any event…. You said you didn't want me to wake up. I don't suppose you are expecting a miracle. So the best situation would be if you didn't have to get up to do your pee pees, wouldn't it?”   “Okay. First of all, please stop saying it like that. You know what you're doing, so don't play dumb. I'm not your little brother, I'm your partner. I'm an adult man and deserve to be treated as such. That said, OBVIOUSLY, the ideal is for me to not have to get up and pee, but we would be kidding ourselves to think that could happen. I have cut back liquid, I pee twice in the hour before bedtime, I even took medications that didn't work. The one time I tried to ignore it, well… we know what happened there.”   “Yes. Exactly. You had an accident…. IF I'm allowed to call it that!”   Hunter shot back an annoyed look. Clearly it should be obvious what the difference is between referencing that incident versus baby-talk about his condition.   “There's no way to make it work and we're kidding ourselves that there is.”   “Well…. There's one way.”   “I'M NOT WEARING DIAPERS ALL THE TIME!”. It came out more angry and defensive than Hunter meant it to. Jake was amazed that he went right to it in the first place. It was out there now…. “In your mind, you probably think that's selfish, but I'm not sitting in my own piss for hours every night just because you don't like me getting up.”   “I haven't had a chance to have my say yet. You're not even letting me bring my whole thought process forward…”   “Jacob. I know enough. I can see it in your reactions. I'm not stupid, babe, I can tell what you're trying to do and the answer is no.”   With that, Hunter started walking out of the room.    “Baby. Where are you going?”   “Guest room. You sleep in here tonight. I'll manage.”   “Don't be like this, please, we can talk. We can figure things out. Come on, we don't do this whole walking away from each other thing. It's unproductive.”   “You're right. Usually, we don't. Then again, my fiancé is usually not trying to undermine me in the bedroom, so I guess that's new also. I love you, I do, I just need a little space for the night.”   With that, he left the room. He didn't want to be mad, he hated feeling that way. Honestly, he wasn't sure if he even had a right to be upset in this situation, but he was. He didn't want to have this conversation right now, or ever, but certainly not tonight.     The next week was tense. Hunter and Jake went through the motions of being partners and, de facto parents, but their communication was limited and not at all intimate. They went about their day as if they were co-workers of some kind. It was not loving, it was uneasy.    After a week, Jake finally spoke. It was Saturday morning and Lucas had taken Mason to hang out with some friends. The older men had the house to themselves. They had just finished cleaning up after breakfast and Hunter sat down at the table. Jake expected the routine that had been present all week, but unexpectedly, Hunter cleared his throat and began to speak.   “I tried it before…”   “Tried what?”   Hunter winced, uncomfortably. “I wore pull ups at night before you moved in. It was right when I first started having to get up all the time. It wasn't as bad then, but I was tired of not being able to sleep. So I thought I would try it.”   “I'm sorry, Babe, I never knew. I'm guessing it must have been pretty traumatic for you if you reacted so strongly.”   “Not traumatic. Gross, uncomfortable, and difficult. When you're young and you wet the bed involuntarily, It seems like it's such an easy thing to happen, but it's not. It took me forever to figure out how to pee laying down. Even though my bladder was ready to release so frequently, my body would not betray its potty training. After a couple of weeks of trying, I finally figured out a way to get up on my knees and let go. At that point, it seemed pointless to have to do all that work. I might as well have just gone to the bathroom. And then laying in it…. Such a nasty feeling. I hated every minute of it.”   “Thank you for telling me all of this. I'm sorry. I never knew. I should have been much more sensitive to how I approached this. I kind of just thrust this on you and that's not fair. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You are an amazing man and an amazing father figure to our boys, I don't mean to minimize what you're going through. I really just approached it that way because I wanted you to kind of let me take over. I wanted you to feel like the “submissive” one in that situation.”   “On some level I get it. I really understand where you're coming from. I just don't think I can go back there and be happy in life. I'll be miserable. Any gains we make will be offset by the resentment and mistrust I would feel. I'm sorry, does that make me terrible?”   “Of course not. It makes you honest and I appreciate that. I think I'm not truly explaining it as well as I could have though. I don't want you to just have to lay there and figure out how to pee on yourself, per se. I did some research. I looked some things up. I could show you everything I found, but basically there's a program we can work. It involves nothing harmful, just some basic hypnosis files and maybe some extra fluids to encourage your bladder to go on its own.”   “I definitely don't want that! What about during the day? I'm not going to start pissing my pants!”   “No. I definitely looked into this whole thing. It would not affect you during the day or while you're awake. We would be literally teaching your body how to behave in your sleep only. And the thing is, after we get you into a rhythm, you won't have to worry about that icky feeling or any of that because your body will learn to go while you're sleeping and you won't wake up. Don't get me wrong, at first you will, but over time you will learn to just sleep right through it and you won't get up until it's time to get up.”   “I don't know. That scares me. It's regressive from where I am now. Now I have the ability to hold it until I wake up. If that was to work, then once we do it…”   “I'm not going to lie or deceive you…. It will probably be permanent. It's not a one-off thing like wetting the bed, we are teaching you to sleep wet. We will be creating a controlled environment where you unconsciously release your bladder overnight whenever the need arises. There will probably be no going back. You will need diapers at night for the rest of your life. I don't mean to offend you, but I think you might be heading toward that point anyway, but yeah full disclosure this is a life decision that you would need to make.”   “Sounds terrifying.”   “A little bit, but that's because you're only seeing the downside of it. The upside is, once you are trained, you will sleep right through the night. You'll get good rest. One of your major stressors will be going away. We will put a nice, thick diaper on you and you will not have to worry about anything. You'll be taken care of and supported through the whole thing. Overall, for your health and wellness I think it's a plus.”   “Easy for you to say. This isn't happening to you. No offense, but you say this like you're getting me a prescription for eyeglasses. This is more complex and life-changing than that. This is my manhood, my dignity, it's going to change the level of privacy I enjoy as well as how I live my life going forward.”   “I don't think I've minimized that, but if I have, I'm sorry. I also think there's another part of this that has to go hand in hand. If you decide you want to commit to this, you have to commit with your whole heart. We can't start this and then back out. There could be long-term repercussions of doing this halfway. Also, I do feel like we have to be honest about the dynamic that will be created.”   “In what way?” Hunter seemed even more concerned hearing this.    “As much as we destigmatize wearing diapers in this house, understanding that the three of us and you all have had some form of night bladder issues over the years, having someone in them does kind of impact how people see them. The boys will always love you and respect you, but assuming that Lucas beats this thing in the next year or two, you will be the last person in the house wearing diapers. Undoubtedly, the boys but especially Mason, will see that as giving them a little more of a power position with you. I'm not saying that's a valid point of view, but it's realistic. Also, as I'm going to have to help you through this and probably be caring for you once you've achieved the goal, I will probably be taking charge of things a little more than I do now.”   “What are you trying to say? Are you trying to say that you want to put me back in diapers and take away my authority and autonomy? Well, that's not going to happen. I won't go for that. I've tried so hard my whole life to get out from under my helicopter parents, that I will not be minimized in my own home.”   “I'm not saying I would do it intentionally, I'm just saying that that dynamic will change, organically. It's just something that you have to be prepared for. If you were 80, it would be different, but you're a man in his 30s that will have to wear diapers anytime he sleeps for the rest of his life. That's going to definitely make people who know, see you a little differently. I'm not trying to be cruel, just honest.   Though, since I said it, that's another part of it. If we go down that road, that means any sleeps require a diaper. You have no idea what your body will do once you go to sleep. That means naps, sleeping on the couch, sleeping in the car. It'll be a commitment. You will need to be in a diaper probably right after dinner if we are not going out on a given night. Also, anytime we go in the car for a long road trip. If you're driving, obviously, we can put it off. If you are riding, however, that means diapers on.”   “I don't think I can do this. I love you, I want to make things easier for you, but this is a bridge too far. I can still make it to the bathroom, that's what I'm going to have to do for now.”   “I was really hoping I could change your mind. This would really make things easier.”   “For you. Of course it would. This whole thing is about you and what would make it easier for you to sleep. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be callous or say that I'm being an ideal partner with all of this, but you're trying to take something precious from me to make your life easier and I can't go for it.”   “That hurts, but maybe on some level it's true. Though, I think you are forgetting the benefits that you would gain from this. Restful sleep first and foremost.”   “Sorry. I can't. You're asking too much of me. If you don't give up on me by then, we can explore this down the road. For now, I'm not ready to make that kind of commitment. As long as I can get up and go to the bathroom, then there's no need for all of that.”   They hugged and kissed. They agreed that they would think about it more as things progressed. At least that had broken the tension and things had gotten a little more comfortable around the house.    Hunter was a little shaken by the conversation. Now that he knew that Jake wanted to do that to him, he would have to be guarded. He couldn't afford to make too many mistakes. He would really have to cut back the liquids and try to stop going so much at night.     They both shared the big bed again, most nights. One of them would take the spare room if Jake needed a good night's sleep for a big presentation or other work-related reason. Things seem to be going pretty well for the next week or so. Hunter only had to get up four of the next seven nights. It was progress, even if mild.   The following week, Hunter only got up twice for the 7 days. He started to believe that maybe he was doing something positive and maybe finally there would be some light at the end of the tunnel. He wasn't sure how this was possible, considering the doctor told him this was something degenerative that would only get worse over time. He desperately willed himself to believe that he found some way to manage it.    Hunter had finally started to think that he could get away with not having to deal with his husband's persistence about those stupid things at night.     Then… IT happened.   Suddenly. Unexpectedly. With everything on the line, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. With victory so close in sight…   HUNTER WET THE BED.    There was nothing to blame. They hadn't been drinking the night before. He had not been trying to sleep through to help Jake for any reason. There was no excuse. Hunter just plain had an accident! This was the worst possible timing. It threatened to undermine his argument that he could keep things under control.    The prudent thing to have done was apologize profusely and just hope that they could let it blow over. However, a man's pride wounded by shame, can react violently. In a moment of self-pitying rage, Hunter had a childish tantrum.   “THIS IS YOUR FAULT. YOU DID THIS TO ME. YOU PLAYED SOME STUPID FILE OR PUT SOMETHING IN MY DRINK LAST NIGHT. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED ALL ALONG!”   “First of all, you man-child, don't ever scream at me like that. You're acting like a 5-year-old. Even Lucas doesn't have tantrums like this when he has accidents. Second of all, I did nothing to you. There's no audio playing anywhere in this room. I didn't hypnotize you. I put nothing in your drinks. You barely drink anything as it is.”   “Bull! This never happens. Yeah, I pee a lot at night, but I never wet the damn bed.”   “Well, we can't say never can we, sport?”   “Don't you dare…. You know what that was all about.”   “Do I? I really only have your word that you tried to sleep through that night to help me out. For all I know, you never woke up at all. Maybe you just did your wee wees in your sleep and you were too afwaid to get caught, so you made up that whole story.” Jake knew that was BS, but he had an opportunity here. This was his first chance to dominate this conversation and he was not going to let it slip away.    “You know that's a lie! You were there. You know what happened”!!! Hunter was red as a tomato. He was angry and lashing out. He was humiliated. More than anything, he was scared. He knew what was coming next and he was not in a good position to defend himself. Staying dry was going to be the biggest win in his column and he had just blown that. Anyone can have an occasional accident, but at this point Hunter was fighting for his adulthood and this was the worst possible timing. Another unintended consequence was that his yelling and carrying on had gotten the attention of the rest of the house. He didn't even see them standing in the doorway as Jake dropped a hard truth on his head.    “You know something. In a vacuum, this wouldn't have been a big deal. I've even had an accident since we've been together. It's not fun, but it happens. In your case, this is a symptom of something larger.  We've been working towards this. Your incessant tinkling problem is not going away, no matter what you tell yourself.  Now, you have wet the bed twice in the last couple of months.  Don't think I also haven't noticed how close you come when you go sprinting out of the bed. I've seen your underpants, half the time you're leaking before you get to the toilet.  You're becoming a bedwetter.  YOU NEED DIAPERS!”   Hunter felt like he had been gut punched.  Diapers as a precaution would have been bad enough. He probably could have gotten away with a pull-up and still used the bathroom. He knew that wasn't what his fiance meant. He meant the program. He meant learning to wet at night.  He meant padded prison.  A tear fell from Hunter's eye. Just when he thought he was at his lowest, he suddenly realized that he and Jake were no longer alone. He turned his head to see the boys looking on.  Luke looked at him with an understanding pity, but Mason's look was more sinister.  He couldn't put his finger on it right now, but he knew he didn't like what he was seeing from the youngest in the family…

It will be a dry day.  Giving diapers a break today, but yesterday......  that was a whole different story.

Like my avatar pic, I have a favorite stuffy I always skeep with. Interestingly, I have a touch aversion with other people. I'm ok with hand shakes, but hugs and cuddling are a hard no for me.