Seeking incontinence training advice for somebody who has a very difficult time wetting

[abashedlypadded]

This is my first time posting here, but I have been attempting to do diaper training (aka unpotty training) for 2 and a half years now. Before that, I was wearing diapers nearly 24/7 for about 4 years. So I'm going on 7 years of wearing diapers and have had plenty of time to practice wetting in them, and yet I still find it so difficult to just relax and wet that sometimes I can't do it. It's very demoralizing, and I don't know what to do. Most of the advice I get is to just keep practicing, practice in different positions and situations, etc. but I feel like I must be doing something wrong. Maybe I don't know how exactly to practice.

Sometimes it's easier than others to wet, like in the morning. When I sit down at my desk at work and feel the need to go, most of the time I can just relax let it flow. But then throughout the day it gets more difficult. By the time I do eventually wet, it will have taken so much effort and concentration just to get my muscles relaxed and the flow started, that sometimes it takes like 30 minutes from the moment I notice I need to go to the moment I actually do. And forget peeing while in the presence of others, I have never been able to do that. And most certainly not while walking. Sometimes at a red light I can let it flow, but again usually after a significant amount of effort.

I have always been pee shy, so I think that probably has to do with my difficulties. I get so jealous of other ABDLs who can just pee while hanging out with people and while sitting down or cuddling etc. I know it will take practice to get to that point, but I just feel like I'm practicing "wrong," because it's been years and I'm not getting any better.

I want this so bad. It's hard to explain, but it would just make sense for me to be incontinent lol. I have no reservations about it and I know it's what I've wanted for years.

Can anybody relate to this? I feel like I'm the only one with this problem and I just spiral over it, it's so upsetting.

BTW I'm doing the classic method of diaper training outlined in the infamous 12 month guide. I knew from the beginning that it would take me more than 12 months, but I thought that I might be making at least some progress by now.

[Enthusi]

What do you do to reward yourself when you have a victory?

[abashedlypadded]

Just now, Enthusi said:

What do you do to reward yourself when you have a victory?

I guess I don't really do anything, but I relish in how good it feels

[Enthusi]

4 minutes ago, abashedlypadded said:

I guess I don't really do anything, but I relish in how good it feels

Whenever I have victories  I would give my self a nice little massage (…) and an affirming reminder that i was a good boy.   
 

[Spargano]

41 minutes ago, abashedlypadded said:

This is my first time posting here, but I have been attempting to do diaper training (aka unpotty training) for 2 and a half years now. Before that, I was wearing diapers nearly 24/7 for about 4 years. So I'm going on 7 years of wearing diapers and have had plenty of time to practice wetting in them, and yet I still find it so difficult to just relax and wet that sometimes I can't do it. It's very demoralizing, and I don't know what to do. Most of the advice I get is to just keep practicing, practice in different positions and situations, etc. but I feel like I must be doing something wrong. Maybe I don't know how exactly to practice.

Sometimes it's easier than others to wet, like in the morning. When I sit down at my desk at work and feel the need to go, most of the time I can just relax let it flow. But then throughout the day it gets more difficult. By the time I do eventually wet, it will have taken so much effort and concentration just to get my muscles relaxed and the flow started, that sometimes it takes like 30 minutes from the moment I notice I need to go to the moment I actually do. And forget peeing while in the presence of others, I have never been able to do that. And most certainly not while walking. Sometimes at a red light I can let it flow, but again usually after a significant amount of effort.

I have always been pee shy, so I think that probably has to do with my difficulties. I get so jealous of other ABDLs who can just pee while hanging out with people and while sitting down or cuddling etc. I know it will take practice to get to that point, but I just feel like I'm practicing "wrong," because it's been years and I'm not getting any better.

I want this so bad. It's hard to explain, but it would just make sense for me to be incontinent lol. I have no reservations about it and I know it's what I've wanted for years.

Can anybody relate to this? I feel like I'm the only one with this problem and I just spiral over it, it's so upsetting.

BTW I'm doing the classic method of diaper training outlined in the infamous 12 month guide. I knew from the beginning that it would take me more than 12 months, but I thought that I might be making at least some progress by now.

THIS!!! You’re not alone. 14 years here and I am very much still in the same boat as you. Sometimes I can just wet the moment I get the urge, but more often I have to focus on relaxing and this can take, as you said, minutes, which is why if I am not fastidiously focusing I can have hour go by with not wettings.

 

this hesitancy or shy bladder is beyond annoying as there is no structure, no obstruction or anything physical causing the sphincter to remain closed. Sometimes I have to picture undulating waves moving down the urethra to visualize it open. Other times I have to make my right eye crosseyed to relax.

 

i have tried the suffocation method and it didn’t help either… 

 

would love advice lol

[abashedlypadded]

1 hour ago, Spargano said:

THIS!!! You’re not alone. 14 years here and I am very much still in the same boat as you. Sometimes I can just wet the moment I get the urge, but more often I have to focus on relaxing and this can take, as you said, minutes, which is why if I am not fastidiously focusing I can have hour go by with not wettings.

 

this hesitancy or shy bladder is beyond annoying as there is no structure, no obstruction or anything physical causing the sphincter to remain closed. Sometimes I have to picture undulating waves moving down the urethra to visualize it open. Other times I have to make my right eye crosseyed to relax.

 

i have tried the suffocation method and it didn’t help either… 

 

would love advice lol

ugh. that sucks. whats the suffocation method?

[Spargano]

I’ll have to search for it, but the gist is you hold your breath till you almost pass out and the bladder will supposedly release on its own prior to that.

[spark]

2 hours ago, abashedlypadded said:

This is my first time posting here, but I have been attempting to do diaper training (aka unpotty training) for 2 and a half years now. Before that, I was wearing diapers nearly 24/7 for about 4 years. So I'm going on 7 years of wearing diapers and have had plenty of time to practice wetting in them, and yet I still find it so difficult to just relax and wet that sometimes I can't do it. It's very demoralizing, and I don't know what to do. Most of the advice I get is to just keep practicing, practice in different positions and situations, etc. but I feel like I must be doing something wrong. Maybe I don't know how exactly to practice.

Sometimes it's easier than others to wet, like in the morning. When I sit down at my desk at work and feel the need to go, most of the time I can just relax let it flow. But then throughout the day it gets more difficult. By the time I do eventually wet, it will have taken so much effort and concentration just to get my muscles relaxed and the flow started, that sometimes it takes like 30 minutes from the moment I notice I need to go to the moment I actually do. And forget peeing while in the presence of others, I have never been able to do that. And most certainly not while walking. Sometimes at a red light I can let it flow, but again usually after a significant amount of effort.

I have always been pee shy, so I think that probably has to do with my difficulties. I get so jealous of other ABDLs who can just pee while hanging out with people and while sitting down or cuddling etc. I know it will take practice to get to that point, but I just feel like I'm practicing "wrong," because it's been years and I'm not getting any better.

I want this so bad. It's hard to explain, but it would just make sense for me to be incontinent lol. I have no reservations about it and I know it's what I've wanted for years.

Can anybody relate to this? I feel like I'm the only one with this problem and I just spiral over it, it's so upsetting.

BTW I'm doing the classic method of diaper training outlined in the infamous 12 month guide. I knew from the beginning that it would take me more than 12 months, but I thought that I might be making at least some progress by now.

I can, and I felt that I gained some success when I stopped worrying about it.  What I wanted was to pee my pants without thinking about it, and that doesn't always happen.  Sometimes I know well in advanced when I'm going to pee, especially if I'm sitting.   However, most of them when I'm standing- my bladder squirts out pee at random times- and sometimes I have bigger voids with almost know process.  The best way to describe is that my bladder has the authority to release without approval from the brain, but most of the time it lets my brain know.  Sometimes my brain sends the hold signal- and it works.  Sometimes the bladder bypasses the brain and releases without letting the brain know before hand.   The less I worried about relaxing, the more often my bladder bypasses informing my brain.

[abashedlypadded]

12 minutes ago, spark said:

I can, and I felt that I gained some success when I stopped worrying about it.  What I wanted was to pee my pants without thinking about it, and that doesn't always happen.  Sometimes I know well in advanced when I'm going to pee, especially if I'm sitting.   However, most of them when I'm standing- my bladder squirts out pee at random times- and sometimes I have bigger voids with almost know process.  The best way to describe is that my bladder has the authority to release without approval from the brain, but most of the time it lets my brain know.  Sometimes my brain sends the hold signal- and it works.  Sometimes the bladder bypasses the brain and releases without letting the brain know before hand.   The less I worried about relaxing, the more often my bladder bypasses informing my brain.

What regimen did you follow to get to that point?

[Spargano]

Hence the catch 22 for some of us. 
 

if I don’t focus; I will go hours and hours without peeing. 
 

this leads to a full bladder that can overwhelm a diaper.

this leads to inner fear of leaks which aggravates the “holding” pattern.

i have tried to combat it with thicker diapers like rearz mega diapers, but it’s still a issues. Currently I am trying to pee as often as I can to train less capacity in the bladder with the eventual hope of not thinking about it once the bladder is trained to need to per every 30-60 minutes. 

[CodHero24]

If you're having trouble peeing while laying down, try using the "Frog Legs" position.

🐸

It also helps if you fully "Trust your diaper", And to never be afraid of diaper leaks, just like a toddler.

A quality reusable underpad helps overcome this fear, such as the North Shore Champion underpad.

It takes lots of practice to constantly keep your bladder relaxed, and eventually it's very easy to wet after the slightest urge.

Be careful what you wish for though, some people regret becoming a bedwetter.

Being a real bedwetter does make sleep overs with friends and family more stressful, but it's easy to manage with proper planning and protection.

As for the daytime, drink plenty of water, try taking a good sip each time you wet.

With practice it will get easier, and your bladder will shrink slightly, which will eventually reduce leaks because you won't be flooding your diaper as much.

[Little Sherri]

I've been 24/7 for just short of 5 years - it will have been 5 years, in about 6 weeks. I never set out to "untrain" per se, I just wanted to wear diapers all the time, and I quickly recognized that, from a practical perspective, if I was going to use them, I was better off doing so frequently and in small amounts than to hold off and subject them to less frequent deluges. For a while, I had to remind myself to go - I'd get distracted, say, while driving, or working on a project for my job, and then I'd realize that it had been two or three hours since the last time I went, and that precipitated diaper leaks, "loss of outfit incidents", and, using more diapers than I had to. Starting out, I also used to value slimness and silence over capability and capacity, in my diapers.

Over time, I got into the habit of going whenever I felt anything, more or less, and now, I typically pee a little bit, every 20 - 30 minutes. I also upsized my wardrobe to allow for wearing decent diapers under all circumstances, and that combination, plus, coming to a realization that nobody cares what I'm wearing and people really don't hear diapers unless they are already listening for them, has allowed me to relax and not focus on them, which I think has made all the difference. I haven't lost any daytime control, I've just lost range - it would be uncomfortable now to hold it for an hour or 90 minutes, although I could do it if I had to. Two areas where I have noted a degradation of capabilities are, first, the ability to stop peeing, once I start - I can't. So if I "hold it" long enough that I start leaking, I'm doomed - there's no stopping until the bulk of the pressure has been relieved. I found this out the hard way a couple of times when poor planning or unexpected circumstances had me wearing a diaper that I was concerned was close to giving up on me, so, out of an abundance of caution, and/or, an inability to find a good place to change, I just stopped using it for the last hour of, for example, a night at the pub. That resulted in my stumbling out of an Uber, legs almost crossed, frantically unlocking the front door, and then scrambling into the house and up the stairs to our room, as pee started running down one of my legs - the dam had broken. I skidded past my perplexed spouse, and then got undressed in the shower stall. 

The other is bedwetting. I've let myself start wetting my diaper and then drifted back to sleep so many times now, that I no longer reliably wake up when I need to go - sometimes it happens on autopilot. Which I'm fine with - I'd be happy to never have to wake up because I have to pee again. But, I am aware that I have sentenced myself to requiring a diaper at night once again, after outgrowing that requirement when I was about 10. 

[rusty pins]

Perhaps you need to approach it from the standpoint of meditation or hypnosis.  Many people have turned to hypnotic tapes to help them achieve their goal of incontinence.  Maybe some type of hypnotic tape to help you get over being "pee shy" and any possible mental blocks, conscious or unconscious that prevents you from letting go in your diaper wherever and whenever.  Even after 7 years in diapers, it can be hard mentally to overcome the potty training and social ideas people have that it's not acceptable to choose to wear diapers and just go in your pants instead of a potty. 

[spark]

17 hours ago, abashedlypadded said:

What regimen did you follow to get to that point?

It is hard to pinpoint exactly when I got there.  At first, I concentrated on peeing in my diaper every few minutes.  It was kind of like the potty watch, only I peed in my diaper.   That led me to a spot where I peed easily and stopped monitoring when I peed.  I like to travel, and wearing diapers on a trip can be a PITA, especially if you are around other people most of the time.  I managed a 2-week trip in 2019 wearing Pull-ups and only using diapers on the airplane (no way will I ever seat on an airplane without a diaper again) and tried to put all of my pees in the toilet.  It worked, but I was eager to get back to diapers when I got home.   After Covid and spending so much time by myself, I just stopped caring about holding my pee, trying to pee, or whatever.   I wear diapers to work (and thick ones with a booster), but will pee in the urinal if I think about it.  Most of the time, my diaper is a little damp when I leave, but sometimes it is ready to be changed before I leave.  I almost always let out a large (for me) pee just before I step in my car.

1 hour ago, rusty pins said:

Even after 7 years in diapers, it can be hard mentally to overcome the potty training and social ideas people have that it's not acceptable to choose to wear diapers and just go in your pants instead of a potty. 

Compare 2019 to what is happening today.  I'm traveling and trying to be potty trained this week.  I'm wearing Pull-ups, but trying to use the toilet when I need to.  It's exhausting because I'm constantly thinking about my bladder, and I've already had two leaks into my Pull-up.

I've thought about conditioning myself to pee in underwear like I do a diaper.  The diaper diaper makes a difference over the Pull-up, because I've experienced what happens when a Pull-up overloads itself.  It happened on my 2022 trip with my cousin.

 

3 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

IThe other is bedwetting. I've let myself start wetting my diaper and then drifted back to sleep so many times now, that I no longer reliably wake up when I need to go - sometimes it happens on autopilot. Which I'm fine with - I'd be happy to never have to wake up because I have to pee again. But, I am aware that I have sentenced myself to requiring a diaper at night once again, after outgrowing that requirement when I was about 10. 

I honestly don't know what the status of my bedwetting is.  I don't sleep soundly the entire night.  I go through about 6 or 7 REM cycles through the night.  I know that I usually have a significant void when I am awake between 4 and 5 AM, and my diaper doesn't feel very wet before then.  I don't know if I have peed before then, but I don't think my diaper is completely dry.   After that, it happens quite a bit.  Maybe I am aroused by the urge to pee, but it doesn't feel that way.  After that, it happens quite a bit.  I'm sure I could get up to use the toilet, but it disturbs my sleep.

[abashedlypadded]

7 hours ago, CodHero24 said:

It also helps if you fully "Trust your diaper", And to never be afraid of diaper leaks, just like a toddler.

After reading up on some threads, I realized that I've been neglecting the importance of the subconscious in untraining. I knew it was important of course, I do lots of hypnosis, but I think I was trying to cut some corners for convenience sake. For instance, if I can't pee then I'll go into the bathroom for some privacy to pee in my diaper. I also go poop on the potty so I don't have to deal with poopy diapers at work. But think I can't do any of that anymore. I can't use the potty for any reason. I can't care what happens in my diapers, whether I poop or leak or what, because babies aren't concerned with that happens in their diapers, they just do it. I'm hoping that can shift my subconscious so my body can follow suit.

 

4 hours ago, rusty pins said:

Perhaps you need to approach it from the standpoint of meditation or hypnosis.  Many people have turned to hypnotic tapes to help them achieve their goal of incontinence.  Maybe some type of hypnotic tape to help you get over being "pee shy" and any possible mental blocks, conscious or unconscious that prevents you from letting go in your diaper wherever and whenever.

I think I'm going to focus more on this approach. I've done lots of hypnosis, and it's hard to shake the inkling of doubt in my mind hat hypnosis will work. But maybe strengthening my hypno regimen combined with my shift in behavior (no more potty for any reason) will help.

[CodHero24]

1 hour ago, abashedlypadded said:

I also go poop on the potty so I don't have to deal with poopy diapers at work. But think I can't do any of that anymore. I can't use the potty for any reason.

I highly recommend NOT pooping your diapers at work, or around friends and family.

However, I've come pretty close to having a poopy accident in my diaper, (while at work), but luckily I made it to the potty in the nick of time.

After that near miss scenario, I've accepted the reality of how close I was to filling my diaper, and I've taken proper precautions.

I now keep a small backpack with a couple diapers, wipes, gloves, disposal bags, and diaper rash cream...In my Car, Just in case.

Having a diaper change kit with you provides a sense of added comfort and peace of mind.

Even if you only plan on changing once, you never know, sometimes the tapes rip off the wings, or plans change and you decide to spend the night somewhere, so it's always better to have extra diapers with you, always bring more than you think you will need.

Also, kind of a personal preference thing, but I don't like using ABDL themed diapers.

For starters, ABDL diapers are significantly more expensive, (considering if you're wearing 24/7).

And it would also be really embarrassing to be caught with an ABDL diaper, compared to being caught with a normal diaper.

Not to mention there are some really good medical brands out there already, so in my humble opinion there's no need to waste extra money for ABDL prints.

 

[abashedlypadded]

Well I don't see how I'm supposed to trust my diaper if I can't trust my diaper for pooping. I poop at the same time every day so my plan is to wake up earlier and take care of it before work so I can shower and spend the rest of the day wetting. I still bring all my supplies that I can use for cleaning up a poopy diaper while out if need be. And I pretty much only wear printed diapers on my days off and at night.

What I want to do achieve is "pre-continence," which is a regression to the infant body's rhythm of urine and feces excretion. My difficulties in doing so are outlined in the original post, and I'm hoping that strict diaper usage no matter what will help my shape my subconscious so I can learn to wet more easily, because right now it is very difficult.

[diapered_jeff48801]

Shy bladder is the worst! I am too working through it with the goal of untraining. I feel your frustration because I live it.

I have recently found something that is helping me! Timers in conjunction with bladder massages.

I have a timer set for every 15 minutes. I drink plenty of water to ensure I have enough pee to go every 15 minutes. If I am at home and alone, I will press on my bladder after the timer goes off, which stimulates the urge to go, and makes it easier to go.

I also take around 30-60 minutes daily to train my bladder. I start with drinking 16 oz of water, then a 10 oz coffee, then another 16 oz water, put on some music or something, and then use a shiatsu neck massager on my bladder for about 10-15 minutes, once that's done my bladder is usually so relaxed I can pee without any difficutly, and for awhile after I'm able to easily spurt & dribble.

I just started doing this a couple of days ago, but I'm hoping if I do it long enough my bladder will finally get the hint and stop being so shy all the time!

[Spargano]

26 minutes ago, diapered_jeff48801 said:

Shy bladder is the worst! I am too working through it with the goal of untraining. I feel your frustration because I live it.

I have recently found something that is helping me! Timers in conjunction with bladder massages.

I have a timer set for every 15 minutes. I drink plenty of water to ensure I have enough pee to go every 15 minutes. If I am at home and alone, I will press on my bladder after the timer goes off, which stimulates the urge to go, and makes it easier to go.

I also take around 30-60 minutes daily to train my bladder. I start with drinking 16 oz of water, then a 10 oz coffee, then another 16 oz water, put on some music or something, and then use a shiatsu neck massager on my bladder for about 10-15 minutes, once that's done my bladder is usually so relaxed I can pee without any difficutly, and for awhile after I'm able to easily spurt & dribble.

I just started doing this a couple of days ago, but I'm hoping if I do it long enough my bladder will finally get the hint and stop being so shy all the time!

Very interesting. Can you share which massager you have and also how you massage the bladder.

[diapered_jeff48801]

Any massager will do. I'm using a shiatsu neck massager.

Just lay down and gently put it on your bladder (In the area below your belly button and above your pubic bone) for a few minutes. You know you're at the right place when you feel the urge to pee.

[michael1538]

I'll through my hat or shall I say diaper in the ring too as one of those with a shy bladder. I have had this my entire life and it has been embarrassing at times. I go to the rest room and just cannot pee. I then go into a stall and if the room is busy or someone is standing outside the door, I am locked like Fort Knox. My bladder will hurt so bad I feel like it is about to burst. My curiosity in diapers lead me to try wearing them when I go to busy places where I might have trouble peeing. I am able to relieve myself in the diaper and feel a lot better. No body knows I am wearing and using a diaper. So I can sympathize with those on this forum that have shy bladders. I finally realized how much I enjoy wearing diapers and how much easier life is when I can just pee a little whenever I feel the need to. So this year I made the decision to go full time in diapers. I am doing good so far and have only missed a few days so far. At night I found cloth diapers and plastic pants feel and work better for me. I will wake up during the night with a painful bladder and even if I go to the bathroom, I still have a difficult time going in the potty. So I am working on conditioning myself to just stay in bed and wet my diaper. It takes longer than I would like sometimes but at least I wet myself. The next time is a little easier most times. So I am trying to be a bedwetter or at least someone that can pee easier when in bed. During the day I wet whenever I have the need too. I am finding that I will pee more often and smaller amounts but I feel so much better when that happens. Am I trying to become diaper dependent, I think in some way I am. I am happier in diapers and will try to stay that way and maybe overcome some of my shy bladderness. Good luck to all of you with the same issue.

[Spargano]

3 hours ago, diapered_jeff48801 said:

Any massager will do. I'm using a shiatsu neck massager.

Just lay down and gently put it on your bladder (In the area below your belly button and above your pubic bone) for a few minutes. You know you're at the right place when you feel the urge to pee.

Thank you! I will give that a try. 
 

my issue has always been trying to get past the need for steady state urination. I can urinate in any position given enough time to relax, but if I change positions such as going from walking to sitting, to stopping the walk etc. It resets the process and I have to regain that relaxed state to release in that new position. 
 

the problem is trying to figure out a way to train a, for all intents and purposes, an incontinence parkour of continuously switching movements and positions at different timed intervals and still release. 
 

i can urinate while running, while walking while going up and down stairwells, on my back, while driving, side (still difficult) belly (takes longer) but only when I am doing the respective action for longer than 60-300 seconds. 
 

i am hoping doing that massage tactic will help in this regard for training.

[cathdiap]

On 2/19/2024 at 2:12 AM, abashedlypadded said:

This is my first time posting here, but I have been attempting to do diaper training (aka unpotty training) for 2 and a half years now. Before that, I was wearing diapers nearly 24/7 for about 4 years. So I'm going on 7 years of wearing diapers and have had plenty of time to practice wetting in them, and yet I still find it so difficult to just relax and wet that sometimes I can't do it. It's very demoralizing, and I don't know what to do. Most of the advice I get is to just keep practicing, practice in different positions and situations, etc. but I feel like I must be doing something wrong. Maybe I don't know how exactly to practice.

Almost 7 years of un-potty training? I really feel for you. Name any exercise that a person does for that many years without seeing any improvement, I think everyone would agree that it is useless to continue with it. It's cases like this that make me wonder why some people report tremendous success, while almost as many seem to fail completely. 

Is it all about achieving a mental state of self-hypnosis that makes the person incontinent? Or is it about creating a physical defect by atrophying the pelvic muscle so that it can no longer hold back urine when the bladder contracts?

If the latter, I would like to know how masturbatimg would help this member in any way. As far as I know, men use the same pelvic floor muscles to ejaculate as they do to hold their urine. In my opinion, advising someone who wants to atrophy their pelvic muscles to masturbate as a reward for freely wetting their diaper would actually be completely contraindicated.

But maybe I'm overlooking certain things.

Anyway, in case you didn't know it yet: with a stent or modified catheter you could experience what it's like to be incontinent within a few days.