Getting Surgery in Mexico

[Reddy]

1 hour ago, Diapered Dave said:

Don't get cold feet!! 😳😁

Now as you're reading this, reach down and brush your hand over your crotch. It's NEVER going to feel like that again. It will always feel like a thickly padded diaper, slowly getting wet and squishy. 

I think the LONGEST period of time for you will be the 5 days after surgery, when you're waiting for the catheter to come out, so you can experience the thrill of wetting your diapers.

No cold feet here!!  😄

You're right that will never feel the same again.  Yeah that 5 days is gonna be brutal.  I am gonna want that catheter out and it will be tough to wait.

[DAQ]

2 hours ago, Reddy said:

No cold feet here!!  😄

You're right that will never feel the same again.  Yeah that 5 days is gonna be brutal.  I am gonna want that catheter out and it will be tough to wait.

Going to be the worst. None of the benefits, all of the post op problems. Will take some patience and anticipation of that 6th day onwards.

[Reddy]

2 minutes ago, DAQ said:

Going to be the worst. None of the benefits, all of the post op problems. Will take some patience and anticipation of that 6th day onwards.

Dang.  Well the one good thing about it is I'll know it's been done, and I can just lie back, watch movies and order room service 😄

[Diapered Dave]

3 minutes ago, Reddy said:

Dang.  Well the one good thing about it is I'll know it's been done, and I can just lie back, watch movies and order room service 😄

That's probably the BEST advice... Lay back and relax. Probably sleep as much as possible. I've used catheters before, usually without any pain. But yours will be different. Basically, you're gonna have a Roto-Rooter run up your junk, then a catheter shoved up it while it heals - somewhat. I imagine it will be plenty sore, and if you are to "Active", (Take that anyway you want..) it will probably take longer to heal.

If this is anywhere similar to prostate surgery, you'll have some bleeding too.  I'm sure the doctor will have a list of things to do and not to do... 

[Reddy]

2 hours ago, Diapered Dave said:

That's probably the BEST advice... Lay back and relax. Probably sleep as much as possible. I've used catheters before, usually without any pain. But yours will be different. Basically, you're gonna have a Roto-Rooter run up your junk, then a catheter shoved up it while it heals - somewhat. I imagine it will be plenty sore, and if you are to "Active", (Take that anyway you want..) it will probably take longer to heal.

If this is anywhere similar to prostate surgery, you'll have some bleeding too.  I'm sure the doctor will have a list of things to do and not to do... 

I think it's gonna be a long time before I'm brave enough to be "active" in that way after the surgery.  I think even getting constipated can be hell on a healing prostate.  Probably the first week after the catheter I will try to be very inactive.  Flying home will definitely be my most active day.

[DAQ]

1 hour ago, Reddy said:

I think it's gonna be a long time before I'm brave enough to be "active" in that way after the surgery.  I think even getting constipated can be hell on a healing prostate.  Probably the first week after the catheter I will try to be very inactive.  Flying home will definitely be my most active day.

Did the doc say how long after until you can resume nighttime activities? I was looking online. TURP is saying 3-4 weeks. This surgery is more, is it longer?

[Reddy]

1 minute ago, DAQ said:

Did the doc say how long after until you can resume nighttime activities? I was looking online. TURP is saying 3-4 weeks. This surgery is more, is it longer?

He didn't mention it before and I haven't asked.  If he doesn't mention it to me I figure I can go with what feels right.  3-4 weeks sounds right.  Maybe 5 or 6 weeks is even better to be safe.  Maybe it will be clear by then how it feels and whether it seems ready.

[Elfy]

Regarding the doctor's consultancy stuff post-surgery...

Doctors don't (or at least aren't supposed to) judge you. As awkward as it might be you might want to be more honest than not. Tell them the surgery you had and why. They may think you're a bit strange but you'll hardly be the only strange person to walk into their office.

If necessary you could even say you got the surgery on bad advice from a friend, or even another doctor about continence issues or something else. The doctor you're seeing may say it was a bad idea but what's he going to do after that? Restore your continence?

People make bad medical decisions all the time. He may suggest some potential fixes or whatever, all you have to do is smile and nod and then disregard it when leaving the office. I think people overestimate how important it is that the doctor does't think you're weird, that you have to come up with a plausible watertight lie.

If it were me I would act like a made a dumb mistake that I regret but it was done. The appointment might be awkward, the doctor may give you a funny look but after that fifteen minutes you have the rest of your life. You won't have to worry about your medical records or anything else and can just move on with things.

[ozziebee]

Alternatively, own it. Reddy, you have already been quite strong with your view and dedication to having the surgery. If you need to see a Urologist down the track, own it. 

“What seems to be the problem?”

”I elected to have surgery to make myself incontinent, and have zero regrets. I’m experiencing some issues with pain on urinating, so I thought I’d get that checked out. Can you help me?”

If you’re confident about your decision, they can work with that, knowing you’re not there to get a correction, or seeking reversal. Saves time, and embarrassment too. 

[Reddy]

3 hours ago, Elfy said:

Regarding the doctor's consultancy stuff post-surgery...

Doctors don't (or at least aren't supposed to) judge you. As awkward as it might be you might want to be more honest than not. Tell them the surgery you had and why. They may think you're a bit strange but you'll hardly be the only strange person to walk into their office.

If necessary you could even say you got the surgery on bad advice from a friend, or even another doctor about continence issues or something else. The doctor you're seeing may say it was a bad idea but what's he going to do after that? Restore your continence?

People make bad medical decisions all the time. He may suggest some potential fixes or whatever, all you have to do is smile and nod and then disregard it when leaving the office. I think people overestimate how important it is that the doctor does't think you're weird, that you have to come up with a plausible watertight lie.

If it were me I would act like a made a dumb mistake that I regret but it was done. The appointment might be awkward, the doctor may give you a funny look but after that fifteen minutes you have the rest of your life. You won't have to worry about your medical records or anything else and can just move on with things.

 

3 hours ago, ozziebee said:

Alternatively, own it. Reddy, you have already been quite strong with your view and dedication to having the surgery. If you need to see a Urologist down the track, own it. 

“What seems to be the problem?”

”I elected to have surgery to make myself incontinent, and have zero regrets. I’m experiencing some issues with pain on urinating, so I thought I’d get that checked out. Can you help me?”

If you’re confident about your decision, they can work with that, knowing you’re not there to get a correction, or seeking reversal. Saves time, and embarrassment too. 

 

I think these are fine options and some people might want to be open and honest, but what might stop people is there is a risk that insurance will not pay for follow up care for an elective surgery.

I definitely won't be open and honest because I just don't think that would make me comfortable.  I'm pretty set on not sharing the real reasoning behind the surgery.  It would contradict what I already told my primary doctor (I told him a procedure was recommended by a urologist and I'm thinking through that) and besides it would just make me uncomfortable to tell them.

I appreciate that people point out that I can be honest, and I agree that I can.  But at this point I just truly don't want to.

But I will still keep that in mind. 👍

[padded-nightly]

7 hours ago, Reddy said:

the real reasoning behind the surgery

You definitely don't need to do that, and it's unlikely that the doctor will ask.

"I have total urinary incontinence following a transurethral resection of the prostate"

Stick to the medically relevant facts and medical terminology.

If they ask why (unlikely) you can just say it was elective and leave it at that.

 

[Reddy]

2 hours ago, padded-nightly said:

You definitely don't need to do that, and it's unlikely that the doctor will ask.

"I have total urinary incontinence following a transurethral resection of the prostate"

Stick to the medically relevant facts and medical terminology.

If they ask why (unlikely) you can just say it was elective and leave it at that.

 

That's basically what I'm doing, except I'm telling them it's a TURBN not a TURP.

[Reddy]

[Reddy]

I have to quit caffeine since it would be irritating for my bladder after the surgery.  I quit cold turkey today.  I have a headache and my whole body is sore.  I figure better to have it now than when I'm weak and in pain trying to recover from surgery.

[voodoochild]

Good call

[superabsorbantpolymer]

5 hours ago, Reddy said:

That's basically what I'm doing, except I'm telling them it's a TURBN not a TURP.

So if you get some blockage and needed to follow up with the referral urologist, they will do a cystoscopy to see and fix the cause. When they look up your urethra they will see that there's been more than just TURBN, it's also turp and  sphincter resection. That will be pretty obvious to them. What will you say if they ask about the other parts that got resected? Feign ignorance?

[ozziebee]

Saying it's a TURBN, and not the full story, is wasting a urologist's time, and your money, and will lead to discussions by them for corrective surgery, which is not what you want to go down.  They see and (imprtantly) ASSUME a "problem that needs to be fixed", as you're not telling them the full story.  Which would lead to a bunch of embarassment for you, as you attempt to bullshit your way around telling them the truth.

Like I said earlier, own it, and they will have no problem with that.  

Same as I tell doctors, when required, that I have had gender reassignment surgery.  I own the fact I've had it, so they will not be surprised by what they find, and we can work through issues.  I went to a urologist a few years back about leakage, and one of the first things I advised was I'd had that surgery.  That then immediately framed the entire investigation and potential solutions for the doctors that saw me about it.  We could see that my surgery had left scarring (strictures), and the anatomy down there wasn't right for my presenting as female to them.  They didn't need to guess, and hav eme suffer through tests (that would have been futile).  

(PS: the above is given from a position of "I don't know how the US medical system works" - you did mention earlier about insurance effects)

[Goerge]

@Reddy. This a wonderful thread and I'm sure it brings hope, (like me) to many people who want to be incontinent. I look forward to reading your progress.

[Reddy]

13 hours ago, superabsorbantpolymer said:

So if you get some blockage and needed to follow up with the referral urologist, they will do a cystoscopy to see and fix the cause. When they look up your urethra they will see that there's been more than just TURBN, it's also turp and  sphincter resection. That will be pretty obvious to them. What will you say if they ask about the other parts that got resected? Feign ignorance?

 

I guess I assumed they wouldn't know the external sphincter part was intentional.  It does give me something to think about.

[Reddy]

1 hour ago, Goerge said:

@Reddy. This a wonderful thread and I'm sure it brings hope, (like me) to many people who want to be incontinent. I look forward to reading your progress.

Thanks, Goerge!  It's very exciting for me too.  I'll keep you guys updated.  🙂

[foreverdl]

1 hour ago, Reddy said:

I guess I assumed they wouldn't know the external sphincter part was intentional.  It does give me something to think about.

In my opinion you just have to be honest to the Dr and if they choose not to do anything like just follow up then you keep going to different Dr's till you find one that will work for you. I learned one thing when I went through my cancer, the Dr works for you and he has to do what you want, You don't have to bow down to them, they will say you need to do this or that and it's your choice to say NO. You will find a Dr that cares enough about your mental state to treat you.

[Little Sherri]

56 minutes ago, foreverdl said:

the Dr works for you

This is a critical point that I feel often gets ignored. Doctors have professional obligations not to harm their patients, and obviously can't prescribe inappropriate compounds on demand, etc, but when it comes to what they suggest you should be doing to yourself, or what you should agree to allow them to do to you, or their opinion on your desires, well, as a compos mentis adult, you are entitled to disagree with them and to make those decisions. They can decline to treat you if they object that strongly, but that's as far as it goes. Your doctor works for you, and, as with seeking advice from a priest or a lawyer, there is not much point in lying to them. You are best off to find one you can work with, so that they can be of the most benefit to you, rather than settling for a doctor that you only show some of your cards to, who may therefore not be able to treat you fully. 

What you are proposing to do to yourself may be "weird" to some, but it's not against the law - getting silicone injected into your butt or your lips would be, in my opinion, ethically identical, and presumably if you had some kind of reaction to your cosmetic surgery, you would be entitled to seek out medical assistance with that. It's not like buying a new car and then modifying the engine, so that now the warranty no longer covers you. 

[Reddy]

It seems like almost everybody wants me to be honest with the doctors and I just don't want to 😄

But I appreciate that I definitely can if I want to - I just don't want to tell them.  I would be embarrassed.

[superabsorbantpolymer]

I agree it's something I'd rather not divulge that your goal was to become incontinent. 

If you were 20 years older with a history of other urinary surgery then what your going to have done makes more sense. Your current explanation won't hold water. But you could just act dumb and come across as having a very low level of understanding of what was done to you. Either way they won't be able to undo it, and will treat whatever medical issue you've gone to them for. 

As I mentioned earlier they might suggest suing the surgeon who did this to you if you say you only thought it was the turbn. You wouldn't be a candidate for a turbn surgery, not to mind everything else.

 

[Reddy]

24 minutes ago, superabsorbantpolymer said:

I agree it's something I'd rather not divulge that your goal was to become incontinent. 

If you were 20 years older with a history of other urinary surgery then what your going to have done makes more sense. Your current explanation won't hold water. But you could just act dumb and come across as having a very low level of understanding of what was done to you. Either way they won't be able to undo it, and will treat whatever medical issue you've gone to them for. 

As I mentioned earlier they might suggest suing the surgeon who did this to you if you say you only thought it was the turbn. You wouldn't be a candidate for a turbn surgery, not to mind everything else.

 

I'll act dumb if they try to ask questions.

Anybody can get a BNI or TURBN if they have urinary retention problems, or at least maybe according to some crazy urologist I supposedly saw.