Marriage, 24/7-ish, and sex...

[nareh60280]

Hi everyone.

I don't post a lot here in DD, but I am quite a frequent reader of many threads... I am also a semi-24/7-ish diapernaut, and although I am not actively pursuing unpotty training, I do have this desire at least to some extent, and I am also trying not to hold any pee when I'm wearing a diaper.

During the last 2 years, I have been wearing diapers almost 24/7, I wear at work, I wear to bed, and I would like to wear at home too, but here is the catch...

My wife knows about my DL preferences, she knows that I wear, and she accepts me... However, she does not like to participate in the kink, I mean, she accepts that I wear whenever and wherever I want, she accepts to see me wearing only a diaper (under some circumstances), and we (in general) live a normal life while I am almost constantly diapered...

However, she does not find diapers "attractive" at all... on the contrary... So, if "sexy time" is going to happen, the diaper needs to be removed at least a couple of hours before. She says that if I remove it immediately before, my privates smell a bit of "diaper odor", even if I thoroughly wash with water and soap, she says that this odors fades away after a couple of hours of diaper-free ventilation...

So... It has been a bit complicated to schedule my diapered life with my sexual life... I have tried to not wear diapers while we are at home during weekends (when sex is more probable to happen), but this results in frustration if sex does not happen (if she is tired, or busy, or just not in the mood), but this results in me thinking "I could have worn a diaper if I knew we weren't having sex". Sex never happens during working days, or when we go out late with friends, so I'm diapered in almost every other situation.

The thing is... I get a lot of frustration feelings when I'm not in a diaper, and sex doesn't happen... Or if a "sexy" mood is building up, but I'm in a diaper, and I need to "excuse me" and then be self concious about the smell, and the ventilation time... I mean... It has been complicated... At least for me, I guess also a bit for her...

¿How do you guys (for people in similar situations) manage this?

Cheers!

[Mindylou]

Hello, I'm a female ABDL and I hope you've found a working solution to your issue by now! Myself, I've been married 20 years and been ABDL the last 2 or 3 years. He likes putting them on and changing me sometimes..and as far as sexy time it usually is planned like immediately after a shower or before bedtime when I'm cleaned up and changing to my night time diaper. If it's spontaneous, it's usually me going down on him to satisfy him (sorry if TMI) and not worry about me (my satisfaction is usually being diapered up!) I started out wearing only at night but got into 24/7 this year in spring. Went 3 months straight before I had to stop and just started up again a week ago. Marriage is all about compromise and if satisfying her is a priority, you'll figure something out. 

[oznl]

I wish I had a good answer for you here but I don’t.

After a couple of years 24/7, in addition to losing my ability to stay dry at night, I also lost our sex life.  I personally was somewhat relieved to see it go.   I don’t think I was enjoying it much anyway towards the end: my body's "system" was becoming quite unreliable even before permanent nappies.  Now I'm not sure if it works at all.  This is probably entirely my fault.

If this had happened when I was say, 29 however, that would have been devastating.

There was an awkward period of time where she was still interested but grabbing a handful of wet nappy instead of underwear wasn’t exactly an aphrodisiac for her.  I just felt bad.

We just drifted away from it.  I’ll probably never know if it was her own menopause or my nappies that killed it for good but I’m sure the nappies did not help at all.  She hates them.  Kudos to her for putting up with them as much as she does.

One small practical tip is that shaving down there helps a LOT with odor control.  Hair is porous and absorbs pee.  You might be able to get away with a simple removal and a wet-wipe if you are hairless as opposed to a shower and a few hours airing out.

[Mindylou]

@oznl good advice! Being 'bare down there' helps and helps feel more babyish too. Also menopause in women kills sex drive too, speaking from personal experience!! That's me right now and I prefer to be diapered over sex more often than not! 

[Stroller]

4 hours ago, oznl said:

I wish I had a good answer for you here but I don’t.

After a couple of years 24/7, in addition to losing my ability to stay dry at night, I also lost our sex life.  I personally was somewhat relieved to see it go.   I don’t think I was enjoying it much anyway towards the end: my body's "system" was becoming quite unreliable even before permanent nappies.  Now I'm not sure if it works at all.  This is probably entirely my fault.

If this had happened when I was say, 29 however, that would have been devastating.

There was an awkward period of time where she was still interested but grabbing a handful of wet nappy instead of underwear wasn’t exactly an aphrodisiac for her.  I just felt bad.

We just drifted away from it.  I’ll probably never know if it was her own menopause or my nappies that killed it for good but I’m sure the nappies did not help at all.  She hates them.  Kudos to her for putting up with them as much as she does.

One small practical tip is that shaving down there helps a LOT with odor control.  Hair is porous and absorbs pee.  You might be able to get away with a simple removal and a wet-wipe if you are hairless as opposed to a shower and a few hours airing out.

A lot of that chimes with me too.  My wife lost interest in sex for herself with the menopause, but she still looks after me.  Every now and then she'll tell me to go and get out of my nappy and come back to bed so she can pay me some attention.  She decides when - for me that's an important part of feeling looked after.  I always clean myself up in the bathroom, and she's never said anything about me being smelly.  I agree completely about getting rid of hair.  The hairs also hold bacteria, and that's what can make you smellier.  No hair means nothing for the bacteria to grow on.  And of course, as a little, I don't want hair down there anyway.  And afterwards It's back into a clean nappy again.

[DBiker]

I'm in a similar situation. My wife accepts my fetish which is great, but does not like the pee side of it. For example, she has no problem with me wearing diapers (even during sex), but any hint of pee or knowing that I have peed without washing, turns her off.

To be honest, I accept this and understand her feelings. If I am wearing a wet diaper and we want sex, then the only thing she asks is that I shower before we have sex. It might be an inconvenience in the moment, but a 2-3min shower is minimal compromise on my part to enjoy a happy sex life while still being able to wet my diapers.

If she didn't accept my diaper wearing at all then I wouldn't have married her. It's part of me and after going through countless binge-purges as a teen, I accept fully (now in my thirties) that this fetish is going nowhere. But for her to be so accepting of my fetish with one request that I am clean before we have sex, then that is the least I can do and fully understandable.

 

 

[Loveable_guy]

WOW, reading all this is like looking at my own life.

OZNL; love your comment 'my body's "system" was becoming quite unreliable even before permanent nappies' I'm ten years plus your age and you are so right. Even with mechanical help it can let me down sometimes. 

MindyLou; can't say what will happen for you but my partner is the same 67 as me and her sex drive grown much better after menopause. Its me that failing now.  Oh and you are so right when you say 'Marriage is all about compromise'. The more you put in to a relationship the more you will likely get from it. I say likely as there were years that left me wondering why I was staying around and I'm sure she could say the same. 

As for my love of wearing she tolerates me but sex is off the table if she finds me diapered. So as a rule I generally wear in the mornings or during the day and leave the evenings for that chance  opportunity that may happen. Oh and clean saving is a must for keeping things clean and odor free.

[Enthusi]

@Eido @oznl  I appreciate your candid responses!  For better or for worse I feel like I’m reading my own auto biography. 

[Little Sherri]

It's been really interesting reading everyone's confessionals here. This is something that I haven't really talked about before, as much as I've blabbed on endlessly about everything else going on in my life. My sex life has kind of come full circle... I grew up as a kid who wore diapers, primarily to bed, and as I got older, I struggled with the feelings I was having about that... I knew that I had started liking to wear them, at least sometimes, but I also knew that liking them was "wrong" and "weird", and that my parents really wanted me out of them, so it was something I had a lot of angst about. I started maturing and becoming a sexual being right about when I stopped needing diapers, but by then they were, I think, inextricably linked to my sexuality - most of what turned me on involved wearing, or imagining wearing diapers. I hadn't thought about girls yet. So, once my parents stopped buying them when I stopped wetting the bed, I started making my own, and sleeping in them, but then my step-father found them and yelled at me in front of my family, and that dumped a bucket of cold water on "this" fascination, provoking a winter that lasted more than 20 years. Meanwhile, I started noticing girls, then dating them, then I got married, and had a couple of kids. Years later, I found a picture of myself wearing a diaper at Christmas in one of my mom's photo albums, and it all came flooding back (pun intended), and I went out and bought some pullups, eventually working my way up to buying ABDL diapers, and wearing them sometimes, then every night, then, 2.5 years ago, I decided to wear them all the time.

So, I had to let my wife in on it, because there was no way I could wear diapers all the time, everywhere, and not eventually get caught, so I wanted "the reveal" to happen on my terms, and not when I got drunk and stumbled around the room and she turned the lights on to the sight of her husband in a big printed diaper. But, concurrent with that trajectory, our intimate life was going down the tubes, anyway. Pregnancy had been hard on my wife, and later, she developed a back condition that made almost everything uncomfortable, and, ironically, mild stress incontinence that she manages with pads, but that made her very self-conscious about "down there", because she never felt clean. And once I started walking around in giant toddler diapers, it was more or less over. She puts up with it but she's not into it, and if my nether-bits are encased in baby powder-smelling plastic, she has zero interest. Meanwhile, I have minimal interest in not being in a diaper. If she asked me to take it off and go shower, I'd do it, but she hasn't asked, and I haven't asked her in ages, after hearing "not tonight" or "my back is too sore" hundreds of times. Joy for me now is wearing a nice diaper around the house, with just a shirt, on days when the kids are out. She rolls her eyes and sometimes cracks jokes but she puts up with it and she's bought me diapers (mostly horrible ones), baby powder, diaper cream and one pair of one-piece pajamas that mean a lot to me because they say, essentially, "I am trying to work with you on this." So, overall, I'm lucky. It could have gone the other way and I could be living in my car and directing 3/4's of my income to my old mailing address. 

[Kif]

I've not a lot to weigh in on this, I feel I relate more to @Eido but with dysphoria added to it. Figured I'd toss in my experiences to the pool, rather than say nothing.

I think I've had penetrative sex *once* in my life, with my current partner. I had one mutual m**tion session with a boyfriend before that, and I was so uncomfortable I couldn't finish and felt really grossed out. Otherwise I've found sex just uninteresting and really couldn't relate to everyone else's obsession with it...Like, I tell folks I've never been to p**nhub, and I mean it...the thought grosses me out. I think at most I've looked at is pictures of (semi-or-fully-clothed) folks in diapers...That's it. My hubby is completely understanding and very happy/satisfied with our relationship even though it's mostly cuddles etc. (my god, back massages are amaaaazing). They have even changed my nappies in the past, but since I transitioned I've found any exposure of my parts to be too dysphoric to allow them to see me naked at all. 

I'll be more willing to participate in things after SRS, and I've considered "role playing" with toys as Eido mentioned because I want to give that to my hubby...but even then they've assured me all is well and dandy after a decade-ish together so ?‍♀️