diaper dimension Done Adulting, Vol. 2 (Final chapter posted 12/21/20)

[Samriis]

I really love how you can write dialog ... you have a talent that I can o ly hope you share more of.  Thank you

[Alex Bridges]

14 minutes ago, Samriis said:

I really love how you can write dialog ... you have a talent that I can o ly hope you share more of.  Thank you

Awww ? 

[Sarah Penguin]

[Baby Toni38]

I really want to give you a smiley face ?, but I can't too many tears?.

As always great update.

[Little Andrea]

Wow, just wow! That was intense.

[Alex Bridges]

11 hours ago, Little Andrea said:

Wow, just wow! That was intense.

I avoided writing that for so long I think I should get the nobel prize in literary procrastination.

[SGTbaby]

Beautiful and powerful chapters 

[kerry]

2 hours ago, Alex Bridges said:

I avoided writing that for so long I think I should get the novel prize in literary procrastination

I totally understand that feeling. There was an outrageously emotional chapter in a novel I wrote that was the hardest thing I've ever had to write. I outlined it years before I finally wrote it. 

You're putting all of your heart and soul into this piece, Alex. Please know that it means so much to all of us who have been with you from the beginning and those who have only recently discovered Jamie's story. Thank you.

[littleTomás]

6 hours ago, Alex Bridges said:

Watching Ella and Jamie hand in hand, thinking on how independent Ella was being and how she and Jamie relied on each other, kept each other’s counsel, it came to her: they don’t really need us; we just want them to, and the ones who want to go along with it.

This is one of the most eloquently written lines in the entire series! Thank you! Your writing brightens my world and expresses my emotions and experiences in a way nothing else I've ever read has.

[Panther Cub]

I have a feeling that Andy might still try to take her back...

[Gentle Gemma]

I like Jackie even more now!  ? 

 

 I almost get the sense she herself wants to stay. I usually don't read into things like that.

[kerry]

3 hours ago, Gentle Gemma said:

I like Jackie even more now!  ?

 I almost get the sense she herself wants to stay. I usually don't read into things like that

That's funny: I had a very similar feeling when reading this chapter, like she's a closet AB who wouldn't mind this lifestyle at all.

[Alex Bridges]

I feel like I worked yesterday and should get today off.

 

if everyone could please write an email for my boss that says:

Dear Boss,

Please excuse Alex from work today. He is very tired from writing kinky fiction and will be spending the day in a dinosaur diaper with his bear watching Christmas cartoons.

[Sarah Penguin]

23 minutes ago, Alex Bridges said:

I feel like I worked yesterday and should get today off.

 

if everyone could please write an email for my boss that says:

Dear Boss,

Please excuse Alex from work today. He is very tried from writing kinky fiction and will be spending the day in a dinosaur diaper with his bear watching Christmas cartoon.

*summons a huge bunch of different dinosaurs wearing Alex  print diapers to keep you safe from workies completely by encircling your workplace until the day after New Years day*

[Alex Bridges]

On 12/14/2019 at 11:38 PM, Gentle Gemma said:

Mmmm. I wouldn't mind the drama being turned up to 11.  ?

So on a scale of 0 to 10, where was the drama? ??????

[YourFNF]

On 12/15/2019 at 12:37 AM, kerry said:

More! More! This is killing me!

Same Kerry XD

Just okay wow... Like damn... That line about starting over a third made so much since....

[Alex Bridges]

55 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Same Kerry XD

Just okay wow... Like damn... That line about starting over a third made so much since....

Careful what you wish for?

[Sarah Penguin]

1 hour ago, Alex Bridges said:

Careful what you wish for?

I wish for cute and festive christmas bonnets!

[BlakeJordan]

Alex, thank you so much for this story, as others have said you put into words emotions and experiences many of us have but could never fully articulate.

I relate to Ella and her story on a very deep level. Living with cerebral palsy, constant physical therapy even into adulthood. Drug resistant epilepsy that required neurorehab, learning how to walk and talk again, learning how to learn again. Relearning skill sets lost to retrograde amnesia, starting and restarting my career several times due to the series of dominos that have fallen as the cp led to epilepsy, which led to autonomic dysfunction, which led to, most recently and overnight working full time to being in a state of full paralysis about 80% of the time, spending 90 days this summer in various hospitals and rehab centers. My entire summer and 3 months prior and 6 weeks after being erased by ECT and my knowledge of events being told to me by those who witnessed it.

Your story has helped me grieve, helped me come to terms, and helped me cope with the reality that my body and brain will be in a state of dysfunction and likely continue to degrade for the rest of my life. It’s helped me to accept and to plan for a life that I’ve fought to avoid.

Most of all it’s put into words the intangible experience of doing what is best for you, and expressing that sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is accept their own limitations and limits and find, some peace, happiness and joy- a path forward, a life worth living given the hand they were dealt.

[Alex Bridges]

38 minutes ago, BlakeJordan said:

Alex, thank you so much for this story, as others have said you put into words emotions and experiences many of us have but could never fully articulate.

I relate to Ella and her story on a very deep level. Living with cerebral palsy, constant physical therapy even into adulthood. Drug resistant epilepsy that required neurorehab, learning how to walk and talk again, learning how to learn again. Relearning skill sets lost to retrograde amnesia, starting and restarting my career several times due to the series of dominos that have fallen as the cp led to epilepsy, which led to autonomic dysfunction, which led to, most recently and overnight working full time to being in a state of full paralysis about 80% of the time, spending 90 days this summer in various hospitals and rehab centers. My entire summer and 3 months prior and 6 weeks after being erased by ECT and my knowledge of events being told to me by those who witnessed it.

Your story has helped me grieve, helped me come to terms, and helped me cope with the reality that my body and brain will be in a state of dysfunction and likely continue to degrade for the rest of my life. It’s helped me to accept and to plan for a life that I’ve fought to avoid.

Most of all it’s put into words the intangible experience of doing what is best for you, and expressing that sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is accept their own limitations and limits and find, some peace, happiness and joy- a path forward, a life worth living given the hand they were dealt.

BlakeJordan, I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through. I’m glad my writing has been a pleasure and solace for you.

[Alex Bridges]

Chapter 56

 

By the time Amanda got home, she realized she hadn’t heard a single word of a single song on the radio. She kept thinking about Ella and that tombstone. And what Ella’s mom asked about Jamie. She turned off the engine and sat in the car for a few minutes before going inside. She rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger, took in a shallow breath, and let out a deep sigh.

Her mom and Jane were in the kitchen. Rosie was sitting on Becky’s lap looking happy to just be, like she almost always did. Kazoo came in and jumped on her, coming up shy of her knees. She rubbed his head and brushed him off, then set her keys on the counter.

“Where’s Jamie,” Becky asked.

“Spending the night.” That reminded Becky that she and Amanda had to discuss keeping rules consistent between their homes, not that it was the first time Jamie spent the night somewhere with only Amanda’s permission, or that she minded.

“How did it go,” Becky asked. Amanda got a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water, drinking most of it before she sat down at the table.

“Ugly,” Amanda said.

“Is Jamie alright?”

“He’s fine. I came back to get some stuff for him.”

“What happened,” Becky asked. 

Amanda looked at Rosie. “Sweetie, why don’t you go play with Kazoozie in the living room,” she suggested.

Becky set her down, and Jane said, “Go on, honey.” Rosie toddled away happily with the dog. It struck Amanda that Rosie was in some ways the exact opposite of Ella.

“Honey,” Becky asked. Amanda glanced at Jane, not sure what her mom might have told her over the years about Ella. 

“She ...” Amanda didn’t know how to describe it. “Ella told her family why she never contacted them.”

“Ella’s family,” Jane asked. “Her birth family?”

“Ella’s a rescue, you know,” Amanda said. “She never contacted her family after she was saved ... It’s a long story. They found out she’s here and came ... Twenty-two years,” she scoffed. She took another drink, and Jane, jaw dropped, looked from her to Becky. Becky nodded in a small motion, picking at her fingernails. Jane wasn’t speechless often.

“So what exactly happened,” Becky asked.

“She told them ...” Amanda cleared her throat. “That she thought they thought she was dead, and since she wasn’t going back that they’d be happier thinking that than knowing she was alive and not having her home ... fuck, I shouldn’t even be telling you.” Maybe Ella didn’t care who knew, or maybe if she wanted Becky to know she’d have asked her to be there.

Jane sat back in her chair and looked at the table. She knew Ella was a rescue; she saw the scars from time to time. She didn’t know the rest. It seemed to explain something intangible about her. 

“How’s Jamie? How was he when you left,” Becky asked.

“Keeping it together for Ella. He was holding her when I left, and Stacy was holding both of them. Just sitting on the sofa, quietly. I think a bit stunned.” Amanda thought about her Jamie Bear. He’d keep it together for as long as he was with Ella, and then he’d need his big sister and mommy. Becky took Amanda’s glass and refilled it for her.

“And how is Ella,” Jane asked. She didn’t know her well, but they were both around Becky and Jamie enough to have become familiar acquaintances.

“Always hard to tell with her. She was just sitting there quietly when I left. She fell apart for a few moments ... I think everything she didn’t want her family to feel, they did. I mean, all the reasons she never contacted them, I don’t know. Looks like she was partly right ... See how they are tomorrow, I guess ... They call her ...” Amanda dropped her head into her hand and sobbed quietly, fighting back the rising lump in her throat. “I’ve never seen anything like that, Mom. Fuck ...”

Becky blinked at tears and reached over to rub her daughter’s back. 

Amanda sniffed hard and picked her head up. “Ya know what Ella’s mom asked,” she said, “when Jamie is going to propose to her. Ya know ... watching him with her today ... someone who ... who’s really there when it’s ... just horrible, Mom. That’s who you wanna marry.” Amanda cried in earnest, having held back at Ella’s home even as she let some tears go. She pivoted toward her mom, and Becky scooted to the edge of her seat and let her daughter fall against her shoulder, her shirt muffling her words.

“What did you say, baby,” Becky asked.

Amanda turned her face to the side, and her broken voice repeated, “He’s such a good bear.”

Becky let out a laugh through her nose, what becomes a chuckle if you’re not crying. “Yes, he is, Manda. A very good bear.”

Amanda filled an overnight bag for Jamie and tossed in an extra bottle of milk in case Ella wanted it. She looked at Jamie’s bear and wondered whether to take it. She decided not to, knowing he’d be holding Ella all night instead. She’d make sure to tell him his bear was sleeping in her bed tonight to make sure he didn’t get lonely. Jamie would call her silly for that. She liked it when Jamie called her silly.

When the bag was packed, she sat down in the rocking chair. Maybe it wasn’t too late to turn the summer around, though it was now more than half over. Amanda wasn’t sure how that might happen; they still needed to make the move and all those adjustments, and that left just four weeks in between. Amanda didn’t know when Ella’s family was leaving or how long it would be until things felt normal again, until Ella was past this trauma and Jamie as well. Or, she knew, not past it, but when it had been incorporated into their lives as just a sorry chapter, and they got back to their normal, a little different but probably not that different. 

At least she could take him home tomorrow and give him a day away from being so directly a part of it. It wasn’t anyone’s fault; she just hated that this was something Jamie had to deal with. She was immensely proud of him for it; it made her love and admire him all the more, and she did wonder, when this was all over, what did this mean for Ella and Jamie. Two people don’t share something like that without being changed by it. But she hated all of it. For Ella, and for Stacy, and for Jamie. This wasn’t why he had come here; it wasn’t the little’s carefree life she wanted him to have. 

She stopped at the grocery store on the way back to Stacy’s and turned the radio up for the rest of the ride. She went inside without knocking and found it quiet. She tiptoed into the kitchen and put the groceries away, taking the bottles of milk from Jamie’s bag and putting them in there as well. 

“Manda,” Jamie whispered. She went into the living room and wasn’t too surprised to see him alone. “They’re asleep,” he said. He was stripped down to his diaper and the tee shirt he’d worn under his button-down. He was sitting on the floor in the curl of Yogi’s body. She was asleep, too. Amanda sat down next to him, leaning into Yogi but not too far. She was too heavy for that.

“How are they,” Amanda asked.

“Exhausted. They’re asleep in Stacy’s bed. I told her I’d just take a nap out here.”

“You’re not tired?”

“Very tired. Just can’t sleep ... she did such a good job. I don’t think I was ever that brave. I don’t know anyone as brave as her ... Guess she had to be, all these years.”

“And how else do you feel?”

“Honestly? It’s all awful ... I mean, I knew all of that. She told me all that years ago. It’s just ... I feel worse for them. I feel worse for Ella for making them feel that way. That’s everything she didn’t want to do ... But I’m glad she wants to stay. I’m glad about that, at least. For her reasons, but also my own. I don’t ... that’s not selfish, is it?”

“No. Not at all.”

“I didn’t just want her to stay for me, I mean. I think her reasons are right, too. I think she’s better off here. I mean, at this point. I don’t know about back then, but now. She’s right.”

“I think so, too.”

Jamie reached behind him and reached up to rub Yogi’s ear. “Funny how they’re so big and it’s so soft. It’s not coarse like you’d think ... You’ll get your very own one day. Any kind you like,” Jamie said.

Amanda knew she would, but they’d pick it out together. “You need your pants changed,” she asked. Jamie lifted his shirt and revealed the cloth diaper Stacy had put him in. It looked cute, how bulky it was.

“They’re gonna see them again at the hotel tomorrow,” Jamie said. “I wish they hadn’t rushed out of here. When Ella said she didn’t want them to try to get her back...” He shook his head. “Would be a lot better if they just said okay ... And they resent the hell outta me. Not that I blame them.”

“What about you,” Amanda asked. “How are you feeling?”

Jamie shrugged, turned his lips into a dismissive frown and shook his head.

“That all?” She knew there was more.

He sighed. “I’ve seen some ugly stuff. That was up there. Far as these kinds of things go, this is sorta a happy ending for them. She is alive. I know they want her back, but I know they’d rather she were here and alive than not.”

“Jamie,” Amanda said, putting her hand gently under his chin and turning his face to hers. “But how are you?”

Jamie shook his head, just a little at first, then bigger as he sucked in air and big tears came to his eyes. “They’re asleep,” he squeaked, and Amanda snatched him into her lap and muffled his cries with her body. Only the two of them heard. “It’s so unfair,” he cried. “It isn’t supposed to be like this.”

“No, Baby Bear, it’s not. Not here and not anywhere.”

It’s a lot of work holding in tears. When he was done, at least for now, Amanda took him to the bathroom and washed his face. Sitting on the vanity, he asked, “May I go to the hotel tomorrow if Ella wants me there?”

“Of course,” she said as she wiped the wet wash cloth across his cheek. “When it comes to Ella, you don’t need to ask anymore.” 

The two of them were at the kitchen table having a snack when Stacy came in with Ella riding her hip. She felt a little awkward about using Stacy’s kitchen, but under the circumstances it seemed okay.

“I brought some food over,” Amanda said, “if you’re hungry.”

“Thank you,” Stacy said, sitting down. “We’re starving.” She put some cheese on a cracker and handed it to Ella. Amanda had no idea what to say to Ella. She wasn’t sure she was supposed to say anything, not about the morning.

“Thanks for staying,” Ella said. At least she didn’t sound miserable.

“Of course ... thanks for sharing your cute diapees with Jamie.”

“I know sometimes he likes to wear pretty things,” Ella replied with a soft laugh. Jamie blushed.

“I guess I should get out of your hair, unless you need anything,” Amanda said.

“I think we’re set for the night,” Stacy said. “Thanks again for staying. It was really ... it helped to have you here.” Just having someone in that otherwise empty dining room, a big like her who could at least begin to understand how she felt, meant a lot to Stacy. They’d hardly spoken, but just her presence helped. Amanda stood up from the table.

“I’ll bring him home tomorrow. I’ll text you what time,” Stacy said.

“One of us will be home, so no rush. Keep him as long as you need him.” She turned her attention to Jamie. “Gimme my hug.” He held up his arms, and she picked him up into a hug. She kissed him, and he kissed her back. “I brought you a baba for bedtime. There’s an extra in the fridge for you, too, Ella, if you want it.”

“That does sound good,” she said. Would certainly help her sleep.

“And I’m gonna put your bear in my bed tonight so he doesn’t get lonely or scared,” Amanda promised Jamie.

“You’re silly,” Jamie told her. He liked when she was silly.

“He’s just a bear,” she said.

“Thank you,” Jamie told her. “For everything today.”

“You’re welcome always.”

Amanda did put the bear in her bed that night, not to keep it from being afraid or lonely, but because it smelled like her Jamie Bear, even with its new coat. She liked that teddy bear almost as much as Jamie did.

[zatchie]

These last few chapters have been so freaking good. I hope we can get some positive reconciliation between all parties, but I also know that that doesn't always happen. I am curious of Jackie will eventually want to move to the diaper dimension in the future. She seems pretty positive about the stuff that goes on there, at least in Itali.

[kerry]

Another lovely chapter exploring this highly charged, complex situation. I had never even considered before just how much outside of Jamie's plans when he decided to come to Itali all of this has grown. He certainly isn't getting the kind of drama-free existence he signed up for.

I realized another thing while reading this. Maybe you said it when Kazoo was introduced but I don't remember: is Kazoo a dog as humans see dogs or a dog as Amazons see them (that is, a bear)?

[Alex Bridges]

13 minutes ago, kerry said:

 

I realized another thing while reading this. Maybe you said it when Kazoo was introduced but I don't remember: is Kazoo a dog as humans see dogs or a dog as Amazons see them (that is, a bear)?

Bear

[littleTomás]

I'm now wrapped up all in the feels right before bedtime. I guess I'll just play some CSGO to get that good old fashioned internet community toxicity in me, so I don't cry about how much I love Jamie and Ella.