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Greg03

Taking stock of my incontinence

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I haven’t been very active on the forum in the past 6 months, partly because I’ve been “toilet training”.

I never been dry at night and have always worn a diaper to bed. I’m cool with that and realistically not something I could change anyway. About 2 years ago, my daytime continence started to gradually decline. In all honesty, this was down to my own “laziness”. I’d get changed for bed early in the evening, including my diaper. I began to notice that when I wasn’t in diapers, I was having to visit the bathroom more frequently. I began to wear diapers during the day with increased frequency.

It got to the stage where I was in a diaper the majority of the time. I began to have the odd accident where I knew if I hadn’t been in a diaper, I’d have wet myself. Although there were still times where I could make the bathroom, I wasn’t reliably dry and I needed at minimum a “just in case” pull up. At the time I enjoyed the convenience and peace of mind and my girlfriend was supportive. The only thing I disliked was in public when I knew I was wetting my diaper. I didn’t have a problem wearing in public, but I felt ashamed the times I’d tried to hold it or make it to the WC but could not. 

Around 6 months ago, I started to feel differently, perhaps triggered by breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. I no longer wanted to be in diapers during the day and I also didn’t fancy the idea of having to be diapered during a date. Bedwetting at least doesn’t come up until you’ve had the chance to get to know each other. 

I spent months working on my daytime continence and got to the stage where I only needed a pad in regular underwear (post void dribbling  won’t go away). But I do have to watch my fluid intake and generally make sure I am near to a bathroom. Recently a couple of activities have meant that I’ve used a daytime pull up (long drive and an especially long movie at the theater). On both occasions I needed to use my pull up. Whilst I was disappointed with myself, I also felt a lot more secure in a pull up. It was the first time in months I hadn’t had to worry about taking regular trips to the bathroom or not drinking too much. It got me asking myself the question- am I really day time dry if it takes this amount of effort and worry? I’m considering wearing diapers again during the day but part of me doesn’t want to “give in”. 

Apologies for long, rambling post. Any thoughts on this?

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I have gone through this same thing as to re toilet training, I got to the point where I no longer had wetting accidents as long as I knew where the bathrooms where and watched how much I drank, but I always found myself getting back into wearing a diaper again for a week or two, than back out of diapers to resume a some what normal life. 

Than one day I decided I had had enough of the torment of watching how much I drank, knowing where a bathroom was at all times and decided enough was enough and went back to wearing diapers full time. 

Now the only thing I have to worry about is if I poop my diaper while at work, cause I will need to change it right away, wet diapers at work are no problem, I just change them as needed. 

Lot less stress having to work at being potty trained when diaper trained is so much easier.

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i have worn 24/7 for about 3yrs and off and on 7yrs i am really not incontinet but i do not trust myself to go without diapers re toilet training would be  very hard so i take the  easy way and diaper up which is less stress 

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 I tried to keep what control I had when my ic issues first started but I quickly learned the stress of worrying if I would make the bathroom in time was not worth it as most times I didint make it and my pullups would leak, I tried the same when I switched to taped diapers but I would pee 10 minutes or so after using the bathroom. fast forward to now I no longer try to make it to the bathroom unless its for a bowel movement

I have had a few unexpected and uncontrollable bowel movments while out and about but thats life when you are incontinent and in diapers 24/7 your body adapts or your Incontinence changes.I try not to stress what ai can not change 

 

 

 

 

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Since you have spent the last 6 months re-training yourself with some success, I suggest you keep at it.  Yeah, I'm the spoiler here, but at your age you have a lot of life left in you.  If you were totally 100% comfortable being incontinent or being in diapers 24/7 like others are, that might be different (and you wouldn't have posted your thread here if you were).  There are things to be said both about wearing diapers all the time and not wearing diapers.  True, diapers are convienient and you can be lazy about not running to the toilet when you need to.  If you stress that you may have an accident if not in a diaper, then wearing can reduce that stress.  On the flip side, if you always have to be in a diaper 24/7 no matter where you are and who you may be with, that can be stressful too.  AB's may not care as much as DL's, but some guys just don't feel as manly when dating a girl when they know they are wearing diapers.  If you have a new girlfriend, the stress of either telling her you wear diapers or her finding out can be another form of stress you have to worry about.  

Since you stated, "Around 6 months ago, I started to feel differently, perhaps triggered by breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. I no longer wanted to be in diapers during the day and I also didn’t fancy the idea of having to be diapered during a date. Bedwetting at least doesn’t come up until you’ve had the chance to get to know each other", I'm basing some of my reply on your feelings and possible dating situation.  You have lots of things you can do on dates with girls that diapers don't factor into.  Going to a movie, car ride, shopping, concerts, dinner and things like that.  In fact, diapers may help in those cases as you aren't having to run off to find a bathroom in the middle of dinner, movie or a concert.  Those of us who are toilet trained can usually hold it until intermission for a concert or duck out quickly in a movie.  We can usually hold it for a couple hours unless we do have weak bladders and all that.  We can also choose to wear a diaper in some specific situations just in case as long as we don't become lazy (your words) about it and start relying on using our diapers instead of making the effort to go to a bathroom.  That way instead of relying on a diaper all the time for all your wetting, the diaper becomes just a safety net only in case of a real problem.   Lets say you are gong to the gym, jogging in the park or doing something that may require shorts or changing in a locker room or being noticed that you are in a diaper.  Some shorts are pretty thin.  It may not bother you at all, or your girlfriend, but it might.  Who knows?

There may be times where it's really inconvienient to be wearing diapers.  Having been wearing diapers or pull ups for a while, you would know best about weather there are times you find yourself wearing diapers or pull ups inconvienient.  Have you been having to carry extra diapers with you wherever you go for when you need to change?  Finding a restroom where you can change your diaper or pull up when you have too?  Being embarrassed changing in a restroom where others may know what you are doing?  My opinion is, continue to wear your diapers to bed as it appears you really need them (or else use bedwetting tips and alarms to see if you can train yourself to wake up at night when you have to pee.  I myself get up 3 to 6 times a night to pee).  Since you have worked so hard the past 6 months to retrain yourself with some success, I would continue along those lines to see if your control just keeps getting better and better or if you are at the point where it's as good as it gets.  Hang on to what control you have now because you will probably get to the point where you no longer have a choice at some time in the future.  I'd also see your doctor and have your prostate checked.  Possibly a urologist just to make sure you don't have a serious medical issue.  It's easy to take the "lazy" way out (again your words and no offence to those who do wear 24/7), but having worked so hard to regain control the last 6 months, it would be sad to throw it all out the window and go back to full time diapers, especially if you have feelings and questions about going forwards in day time diapers. 

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I think clearly a part of you didn't want to be that in diapers. And you shouldn't neglect that. Something in you truly didn't want to be that dependent. And you should honor that. If what your goal was is to be less in diapers then keep it up. If being in pull-ups occasionally and going to the bathroom more often and being careful help you get to that goal I think that's good. I'd say just give it more time. "potty train" more and see where you are in a few months. If enough of a change hasn't happened where you don't think all of the effort you put in is really worth it and diapers would be easier, then lay back and diaper up again. Trust your gut. 

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I've had OAB, SI, and UI since birth, and I wasn't reliably dry till my mid-to-late teens. To achieve this required that I constantly keep a part of my mind focused on my bladder as a moment's inattention could end up with wet pants :o I survived this way till in my 40's I began to lose bladder control. Unbeknownst to me all that effort was causing me huge mental stress which eventually almost destroyed me :crybaby: Just something to be aware of; most folks have no idea of how easy and good  their unconscious bladder control is for them. If you can attain that kind of normal bladder control then that will definitely make your life easier and better. But if like me, you have to consciously maintain control then you might want to consider how that affects you. For me, going 24/7 in diapers was the best decision of my life as I now have my entire mind to myself with the security of positively knowing I won;t be seen in wet pants ever again B) As I'm almost completely asexual it hasn't been a problem but that is another consideration you might need to think over. Yet I still believe that if someone truly loves you then they can deal with your diapers- many folks here have great LTR's and marriages.

If you have a physical need for diapers you get no choice. If you have an emotional need for diapers you need to assess the situation carefully and not do yourself harm by overly restricting yourself or over-doing the wearing to the point it harms your life. The whole point is in deciding what kind of life you can have, then aiming for as much happiness in it as you can get ;)

Bettypooh

 

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On 08/02/2018 at 10:55 AM, Rob110 said:

 I tried to keep what control I had when my ic issues first started but I quickly learned the stress of worrying if I would make the bathroom in time was not worth it as most times I didint make it and my pullups would leak, I tried the same when I switched to taped diapers but I would pee 10 minutes or so after using the bathroom. fast forward to now I no longer try to make it to the bathroom unless its for a bowel movement

I have had a few unexpected and uncontrollable bowel movments while out and about but thats life when you are incontinent and in diapers 24/7 your body adapts or your Incontinence changes.I try not to stress what ai can not change 

 

I gave up fighting my incontinence and switched to nappies 24/7 years ago.

 

 

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Thanks everyone who replied, it was really interesting reading your views. I can see both sides of the coin. For some of you, The stress of trying to stay dry just isn’t worth it compared to the security of wearing a diaper. For me, I am undoubtably more confident in a diaper. What I don’t like is the idea of being dependent on them during the day. What is getting me down is that after months of stress and hard work, I’m still not fully dry. On the other hand, I agree with those who said that it’s silly to throw away the progress I have made. I’m trying not to beat myself up about it, that’s it’s ok to still need a diaper from time to time. I am torn between believing I can become dry and maybe admitting that I probably do need diapers 

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I wish you well , what ever you decide is best for your own wellbeing, but please be careful when restricting fluids as this can lead to kidney stone development and trust me you don't want that!

Maly.

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Greg03 Congratulations on the progress you have made in your journey to stay dry. You put in a lot of hard work.

 Have you would visited a urologist and a physical therapist? They may be able to help you as you work on becoming dry.  

 I would hate to see you throw away the hard work you have  put in so far. You may be able to become daytime dry and only need a diaper or pull up for special occasions.

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1 hour ago, hlcl said:

Greg03 Congratulations on the progress you have made in your journey to stay dry. You put in a lot of hard work.

 Have you would visited a urologist and a physical therapist? They may be able to help you as you work on becoming dry.  

 I would hate to see you throw away the hard work you have  put in so far. You may be able to become daytime dry and only need a diaper or pull up for special occasions.

Thanks. I’ve always seen a urologist regularly due to being a lifelong bedwetter. He’s satisfied with my progress so far but he was also not surprised that I’d started to have daytime issues. At the moment I am having good days and bad. Today I stayed dry, yesterday I had an accident. What I hate is that my dry days are not dry. Yes I make it to the bathroom but I still need to wear a pad because I can’t stop dribbling. For some reason this affects me more than wearing diapers does. 

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I,ve had battles like that but every time would have a accident witch just lead to a return to diapers.I hated not being the one in control of my bladder.

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