BriGuy Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Why does a shark circle you before you they eat you? You taste better without the poop! Link to comment
Baby_Amanda Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Groucho Marx said he found television educational. Everytime someone turned on the TV. He would go to the other room to read a book Link to comment
square_duck Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 If you had 2 pairs of matching shoes...could you sat that they were "sole" mates?? Link to comment
willnotwill Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 The difference between a bear and a comma is that a comma has a pause at the end of a clause and a bear has claws and the end of its paws. 1 Link to comment
battlemage Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow: Five reasons to believe computers are female: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you." 4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. However, another group of computer scientists, (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow: Five reasons to believe computers are male: 1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless. 2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. 4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night. Link to comment
Fakename4me Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 I laughed so hard that tears ran down my leg... Link to comment
babylin Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 Senior Center It was entertainment night at the Senior Center . Claude the hypnotist exclaimed, "I'm here to put you into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful, antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch. Then, suddenly, the watch slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "SHIT!" said the Hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the Senior Center . Claude was never invited back to entertain. 2 Link to comment
Dubious Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I laughed so hard that tears ran down my leg... I think it was something else dribbling down your leg.. Link to comment
dlover49 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 A man and his blonde wife were watching TV news. A headline came on "Two Brazilian men die in skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying. Her husband said "What's wrong, honey? Sky diving can be dangerous, sometimes people die." Blonde while crying: "But, but, how many men are in a brazillion?" Rim Shot. Link to comment
lilJester Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Q: How do you make pickle bread? A: Use Dilldough Q How do you know when a house is built by lesbains? A: It's all tongue in groove, no studs. Link to comment
rusty pins Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 A few yeas ago a friend of mine said he was going to buy a new car just for getting around town. He said he was looking at Oldsmobiels. Sure enough, he cam home with this little car I'd never seen before. I went over to talk to him and asked what it was and why he bought such a smll car. He said, "I first looked at Old's Ninty-Eights but they were too big and expensive for what I needed. Then I looked at the Old' Eighty-Eights but they were too big too." So I aked, "What's this thing then?" He said,"It's an Old's Urinate! I just need someting to piss around in!" Link to comment
babypony Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 A baby boy and and a baby girl are talking in the nursery the Baby Boy says "I am a baby boy" the Girl Baby says "How do you know this?" The Baby Boy Raises his blanket up and states look below | | | | See "Blue Booties" Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Definition: Athenian sponge: Absorba the Greek As far as computers go, I will subscribe to the idea that they are girls. The first one I worked with was a tiaras 80 The second was always complaing about being fecally incon saying IBM The language they used was enough to make you shed tears: Cobawl and the bitch was always compaining about the hard drive Link to comment
BabyJune Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Leanne Rimes No it does nt! Marvin Gaye isn't, and George Strait is. Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 The Tiaras never wore any [media=] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlrG8Cag6Ss Link to comment
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