In Shock.

[appledapple]

I'm not going to indicate the sex of my partner because I'm not sure if they go on this site.

I recently found out my partner is a DL. I go back and forth between feeling supportive/mostly okay to very uncomfortable. The whole idea of diaper fetish is very foreign to me. I have no fetishes of my own so I don't think I can relate. This is very hard for me to honestly accept. I just feel like I'm lost because the person I fell in love with seems like somebody completely different **in my eyes** even though nothing has changed other than my knowledge of the diaper fetish. I just don't know what to do, what to think, what to say or how to act around my partner anymore. It's like this taboo thing has creeped in between us, staring at me, waiting for me to accept it or abandon it and I don't want to do either but I don't want to do "nothing" and I'm clueless as to how to perceive and proceed.

[lovelylittle]

Well i'm glad you're on this site- that shows that you value your relationship enough to seek help for this issue. It is also good that you can admit it makes you uncomfortable. Have you told that to your partner? I think how you're going to proceed is going to have a lot to do with how in depth you've talked about your feelings about it. The first thing you can and should do if you haven't already is to ask your partner to what degree they want/need you to participate in their fetish. For me, I would like my boyfriend to play with me once in a while but i'd be perfectly okay if he didn't as long as he didn't freak out if he logged into my computer and this site popped up, or he found a pack of diapers in my closet. Maybe all your partner wants is for you to know about their secret and they can satisfy their ABDL urges in private.

If not, if they want or need you to participate, you're going to have to seriously examine what you're willing to do and not willing to do and be completely honest about it. Ask them exactly what they want you to do- get intimate while wearing a diaper, play baby and change them? If you can't or won't, tell them, so they can decide how much they need that kind of play in the relationship and if they can live without it. If the two of you absolutely can't reach some sort of compromise, then it's probably time to end the relationship.

No one can force you to be comfortable with diapers as a fetish or to accept your partner. But I can tell you from experience, being a DL myself and having spent a lot of time around other ABDL's, we are largely well-adjusted, "normal" (whatever that is) people. Ask yourself if you'd be as uncomfortable if your partner wanted to wear a suit of latex during sex or a ball gag or another more "conventional" fetish- if not, then what is so uncomfortable about diapers? It isn't harmful to anyone and it doesn't involve actual children, so what's the big deal? If you really love your partner, maybe going to a counselor would help you answer those questions.

I hope that was helpful, if you give us more details about what your partner wants and what you've talked about we can probably help you further. Either way I wish you the best of luck and I really hope that you find a balance and can continue to have a happy relationship.

[beallucanb]

If you really love your partner you will accept his or her fetish, just like he or she would not care if you had some kind of hangup or fetish.

Love conquers all.

[Mischa]

Shock is a common first reaction, you're not alone.

Firstly, welcome to DD, I'm glad you've decided to seek out advice on this before deciding if you can continue or not.

Secondly, there are many ways diaper fetishes materialize, ask your partner how they came to have this fetish for some understanding about it. Is it something just in the bedroom or is it something your partner does for relaxation? Does your partner eventually want you to participate or are they comfortable being in it alone if you are not eventually comfortable participating (these all may also determine your acceptance level)

Thirdly, don't be afraid to talk, talking to your partner will provide for an open exchange of ideas. I'm guessing you're open minded otherwise you probably would have decried our community here as a bunch of freaks (now, I am the resident freak here, so but not all of us are)

In my own experience, I live with my grandmother, and was uncertain how she'd react to it, even though I am incontinent, there is still a comfort derived from wearing. It was nerve-wracking at first until I finally admitted this is who i am, who I want to be, and who I should be. Now, over a year later, its just a part of who I am. I'll joke about it even sometimes, too.

[babylin]

I take it that your partner does not know that you know, so what's the difference? Only your own perception of the person you "fell in love with"/ are in love with.

A person who is a diaper lover may not be the same as a person who has a diaper fetish, or there may be much overlap, perhaps on a continuum of behaviors.

What counts now is how you adapt and accept. You love this person and see yourself into the future with this person, so you do nothing but observe, keep an open mind, hold your tongue, and be yourself. You found out. Your partner has not changed, and likely will not change their behavior toward you. Is it a "trust" issue for you? Was this your partner's deep dark secret? Would your partner leave you or would you leave your partner over a simple choice of underwear?

I've kept this secret from my spouse. Being a diaper lover is a very private activity for me. If found out I would be devastated. i fear rejection, scorn, aloneness.

Seriously, what would be your motivation to let your partner know that you know? What benefit? Who gains?

Please, practice patience and love.

Happiness Is Wearing Cotton Diapers

[Bettypooh]

The thing that makes relationships work is honest communication. That you care and want this relationship to work is obvious- you're asking others what you might do and you're willing to try. So talk it over- let them know your honest feelings and figure out a compromise to deal with this, with both recognizing that this is just a starting point- the future may bring more or less acceptance- it can go either way. But then at least you are both prepared for whatever might happen which will make it better no matter which way it goes. Please recognize that for most of us this is not a choice, this is something we cannot stop, so it must have an outlet somewhere. Even if you find you can't stand it, leave them an outlet for this out of your sight and let the relationship grow from there.

Bettypooh

[big_baby555]

It seems to me that you're pretty much ok with it for the most part, and your discomfort lies more with your lack of understanding. Solution: Research a little and then Talk. Talk. Talk. The more you talk to him/her the more you both understand the others position. The more you talk about it, the less taboo it becomes, the more you learn, the more your partner learns and the closer you both get to finding a way of living that works well for both of you. You sound like a fairly open person who loves their partner, so just talk and see what happens.

Good luck!

[LILJIM]

You didnot say how you found out. Did they tell you or someone else or did you run across their stash? People here handle it different ways.Some parters join-in; some see it but don't join-in; while others know & don't want to see or join-in at all. Like others here have said it all depends what you two can work out for yourselfs.

[Markley]

Man... my ex girlfriend of 6 and a half years had the same exact problem... I was 3 years into our relationship when I finally worked up the nerve to tell her... She wasn't supportive of my Diaper Fetish at all. She allowed me to indulge but it was an out of site out of mind thing. I noticed a change in her feelings for me instantly... I tried to talk to her about it quite a few times, letting her know that I was more than willing to stop indulging, but she would refuse to get me to stop. She wanted me to be happy, but I wanted her to be happier.

For awhile I got to wearing alot more often, and allowed myself to believe she was fine with it... She basically spent the next 3 years unattracted to me sexually... She eventually lost all interest in me, started seeing another guy, and well... the rest was history... She told me the diapers had nothing to do with it, but I'm quite positive it triggered the downfall... Be honest with the guy. Tell him exactly how you feel about it, and for God's sake, don't drag it on... Things will become very painful for the both of you if you guys take the same path we did.

[tcc]

The fact that you chose to research a situation, and ended up at Daily D is fabulous. Too bad your partner didn't have the guts to be up-front and honest about the situation. I mean, fetishism or not, it's only diapers. Diapers are a legitimate legal product produced for a legitimate need. That some CHOOSE to wear and use diapers, when they don't need to, is exactly that - a choice. Given we are also dealing with bodily functions, well, that, in itself creates problems for some.

Personally, having had to deal with "revelation", I came to the conclusion that I was going to live my DL side/life/world in secret, on the sly, always afraid of discovery, or just simply be up-front and honest, from the git-go, and take what came. I mean, someone I was beginning to care for could simply tell me I was a creep, sick and not worth any more time, and head off into the sunset, OR, could see beyond my diaper "thing", and love me, diapers and all, which is what my now, third wife has done, even joining me at times, beyond accepting and encouraging me to enjoy MY "thing". I don't impose upon her or anyone else, and I am discreet in public. However, I am NOT into an AB trip, so for me/us, it's just diapers.

If you care for your partner, you could have done worse. There could be an axe murderer or serial rapist raging beneath the exterior you see. But, it's diapers.

What will happen is what YOU make of it, and how your partner chooses to reveal to you the extent of what they are into. As I said, it could be worse, and it may even piggy-back into some bondage, some humiliation, other things like that. But, you won't know until you can get a revelation, and then decide what to do with the knowledge. You can run away, or you can take any vanilla inclinations you have, cast them to the wind, and have an absolute ball taking this little "chink in the armor", make the best of it, and have FUN with it - and there are SO many ways you can.

I will be anxious to see how this thread progresses, and I hope you will keep us informed how things move ahead - or don't....

[LilFozzyJ5]

Hi Appledapple,

firstly, well done for being brave enough to come on here and put your head above the wall. While I agree with some of the things said here, I feel I must point out a couple of things.

1. You dont have to accept anything, people that claim that if you loved your partner you would accept it are using a form of blackmail to burden you with some sense of guilt, so you can be pushed into a situation quite frankly not everyone is prepared to accept whatever the situation.

2. You partner is not being cowardly or anything else thrown around here, they are probably (I can only guess) shit scared of telling you for fear of rejection or worse, fear of you 'outing' them to your shared friends and families. Any Abdl who has grown up with this desire, need or whatever you would like to call it, and felt they could not tell a soul for the above fears are right to have such fears. There are plenty of stories on here with happy endings and pledges that if you just tell the other person it will all be rosy. This is simply not true for everyone.

I grew up in a time where there was no internet, no wa of knowing if others shared my desire, I felt alone, dirty, sick, in short a freak, and I was convinced if i told a single soul they would slap me in jail. It wasnt until i was 26 and had been married 3 yrs (It was about 2000) when I found an article in one of my wifes magazines about abdl and the DPF website, In one night i found out something I had been hiding for, for 15 yrs was ok, its was fine others did it and there was websites... the first person I told a week later was my wife. her reaction at first was supportive, but then after two weeks and a big fight it turns out she wasnt happy at all, and has never been happy since. we are still together, partly because this one thing does not define our relationship... and we are both stubborn.

Try not to take it personally that they have not told you, the chances are they have not told a soul, in real life that is.

You may come to accept this, maybe not participate, but accept it. You may wish to never see anything to do with it, but allow them to partake on occasion. You may never accept it or be comfortable with it, none of these options are wrong and you should not be made to feel guilty for which ever choice you are comfortable with.

There is no easy fix to this, it is a terribly complicated problem to try to sort out. I hope that by coming on here you can at least find some form of understanding why your partner is interested in this.

I hope this has helped a little bit AppleDapple.

Perhaps you could give us some form of update on your situation if you feel you can at some point. And if you ever need to chat, there are some very friendly helpful folks on here who can give you some really impartial advice.

cheers

Fozzy

xxxx