My Boyfriend Likes Diapers And I Don'T

[tcc]

Personally, I, for one, think you've been fair and are being fair. I hope he will respond in kind, and stick to any compromise that you both agree upon when it gets to that. And, compromise means you don't both get everything you both want. If you have to, make a list on paper. Add, eliminate and get it balanced, back and forth. If it's in black and white, you can have a record of the compromise and agreement you come to, and when it was come to! Good luck!

[Diapers4Me]

I'm happy my wife doesn't care when I wear my diapers. It would be a serious problem if my wife wanted to limit when I could wear them. She sometimes asks me not to wear them on special occasions, and I am happy to oblige, but this is rare.

(just giving my perspective....may not be the same as your situation).

If he's clothed and wearing diapers under the clothes....do you care?

[Lynx]

Yes I care, he can wear them when I'm not around all he wants... he knows how to practice self control and it's not like he'll go too long without a chance to scratch that itch.

I feel that this is fair and once he stops throwing the tantrum and realizes we all can't get everything we want all the time, think we will be ok.

[DailyDi]

Wearing on his own time seems fair for now. But I hope if the relationship gets more serious (living together or marriage) that you can find a happy middle ground (ie: can wear while working around the house or when alone - but not in bed or anything like that.)

[bignappybo]

Well heres my two-pence worth, no one should anything that they dont want to do your boyfriend needs to know that you do not want any part of this in your life, if he loves you he should respect that and will not force it on you.

You have tried it for sex and you did not like it,so if he wants to wear them let him but tell him you dont,and that you dont want to know about when he has one on,and ask him to wear normal underwear over one when he has it on.

[Lynx]

Let me just clarify, I do wear them for him and I don't mind that he likes diapers. I have come along way since first finding out and now I just feel that his leisurely wearing can be done in private. There is nothing wrong with what he is doing, it's just not something I feel should be forced upon other people especially when they are uncomfortable. We do live together and have for a while, this has been our arrangement since day one but over time I have learned to accept it and understand this isn't something that will go away.

I do possibly see a future where he can do it in another room, say the office when he's working on something and I'm downstairs working on something or I'm out. The idea of his just wearing them to bed or around the house is something I don't ever see being okay with. I feel that his desire to wear them is a private thing, much like masturbation or looking at diaper pornography. Now you wouldn't start rubbing off at the dinner table or watching diaper porn on the tv while friends were over, not that there is anything wrong with the two there is just a time and place for them, not always exactly when you want to but the time comes around... I just think understanding boundaries is something that will come in time.

[Normal]

How can you possibly disagree with that this is the case when he himself is telling you it is? Does identity not arise from the individual? Can't a person decide what defines and identifies them as a person?

He's set it out as something that he wants out of life. That is to say, he wants a partner that is fully accepting of this behavior, not merely tolerant. You really shouldn't just dismiss this as him being mistaken. It's never going to go away and his resentment and lack of fulfillment are only going to grow with time.

yep

[Normal]

You know it’s funny. I came to this forum today to post about some relational problems im having. I knew Lynx had posted here long ago. What I didn’t know is that the thread is still going.

Hi, im the Boy Friend of Lynx and I just have to say that I am seriously impressed with the quality of well balanced advice this forum is providing her. I just wanted to say something quickly and then ill log off for another year.

When we started dating I was unsure of what this fetish was and through this coming out process I have been on over the last few years I am understand what this fetish is for me and me alone. I feel more confident in who I am and what I can live with and/or without. For the first time I have defined it, and am standing by it.

As such, I am have decided that for me (and our wants and needs are different for each of us ab/dl’s) that the thought of dating a girl who happens to like diapers is as good as trying to chase a unicorn over a rainbow. It’s just not going to happen and ab/dl girls are about as rare as the unicorn it’s self..... There is no point chasing a fantasy when I have 98% of what I need with Lynx. So...... to satisfy my wants/needs while living with a “normal

[Diapers4Me]

I wear around the house all the time, and unless my wife comes over and grabs my butt, she's hard pressed to know if I am diapered. Unless of course I am wearing a really crinkly diaper and sweats. If we have guests over, I wear a very discreet diaper.

I wear Attends breathables to work - no one would notice---they are undetectable.

But it is all about balance and communication, and I'm glad to see you are both talking about this.

Hope it all works out for you guys! You both are lucky to have found each other. There is no rush, talk it out, and ENJOY!

Remember, life isn't a dress rehearsal....

[bignappybo]

How very true that you are unableto tell when someone is diapered, unless as you say you have a feel at there butt or you are wearing a diaper that is crinkly, i wear them 24/7 and no one has ever been able to tell when i am wearing one, unless i tell them that i am.

[Lynx]

I'm at the point where I'm trying to be ok with Normal wearing diapers when he needs to. It's like I'm not ready to throw this all away over diapers. Also I feel it is fair to have boundaries, am I wrong here? It feels as though we can both have what we need and be happy. I feel as though in Normals search for self acceptance he is forgetting about me and that relationships involve two people with equally important needs andv wants. I get and have witnessed that if he wears a diaper it helps him stay happy. The idea that he wants to wear them for the hell of it is a part I see as something he can do without me. I can be supportive of his stress relief but feel appropriate boundaries can include his "just for fun" on his own.

He has been telling me that because diapers are an issue we don't have true love, he has said we aren't ready for marriage and that basically we are doomed unless I become comfortable with the diapers, at times its like he is saying we aren't meant to be just because I also don't have a diaper fetish. See I have loved him while still knowing about the diapers and when he did it solo. His new realization is his need for the freedom to do it, and I'm saying I can get there but even when I'm there, is it not a good compromise to respect the boundaries I have? I feel like I'm losing my voice while he is screaming out I LOVE DIAPERS AND I WANT YOU TO TOO.. I can respect that he likes them, I just need him to respect I do not and use discretion and tact while still having the chances in our private home to do what he's gotta do.

The fact is although this diaper thing is a big part if him, its not the only thing about him. I just need to know that he will respect my needs while I'm respecting his.

So, at what point can I draw the line with who I and what I believe in? I feel diapers are wasteful and do not think they should be unnecessarily used and disposed of. I also think this can be perfectly satisfied in private, like at home or if he desires out in public but I won't tag along. I feel a potential child shouldn't have to participate and this can remain private.

I just feel that as adults we have to learn that life isn't always going to give us exactly what we want, although I never wanted a guy who liked to wear diapers I have fallen so deeply in love with one that I am gong the miles to accept it. But when he tells me he wants everything he wants and doesn't take into any consideration my needs, I feel lost and alone in this. I feel like I don't really know this person at all and that scares the crap outta me

Relationships involves two people, the two people both have needs, andc both deserve to feel comfortable. So if we can make a compromise and remember that deep down, there is something special here then I know we will be just fine. But if one of the two is going to push the other out if their comfort level then this won't work.

[Lynx]

Diapers4Me said: "But it is all about balance and communication, and I'm glad to see you are both talking about this".

[bignappybo]

Unless he plans to walk about in just a diaper, will you realy know when he has one on, the best thing that the both of you can do is to sitdown and talk. I guess at bedtime if that is all he is going to be sleeping in then, why not ask him to wear shorts or pyjama bottoms.

[tcc]

It is just so sad that here, Normal has virtually everything he wants and has wanted, but since it's not ALL, and EVERYTHING, he's not happy and is pressuring you for more. For me, for him, I'd say, "Grow up!"

What you have provided him with, Lynx, there are members here that would give up BODY PARTS to have a mere portion of the acceptance you've offered him! OMG!

Tina Turner sang a song that said, "What's love, what's love, what's love got to do with it?" In this case, it seems like love has got EVERYTHING to do with it. Most women would already be out the door, Lynx. I mean, come on, Normal. Be reasonable, love or not! And, Lynx, it MAY come down, love or not, to cut your losses, cut you ties, and move on.

I know how people feel - ABs AND DLs - and why they feel the way they do, many expressing their needs, and why they have them, and why they need to indulge and satiate those feelings, and what they'd like to do to do that. The reality IS that anyone over the age of 18 is an adult - AB leanings or not. And, even a return to the world of infancy, when an adult, has to be approached from an adult level, where, to be honest, it can better BE approached and sought after AS an adult, in control of the situation unlike when a minor. So, it comes down to BALANCE - balance between being an adult in the real world, and the world of the infant, to help deal with the pressures and aggravations of the adult world.

The same holds true for a DL. "You can't always get what you want..." are lyrics, based on truth, in another song. Sometimes, no matter HOW important something is to a person, there has to be compromise, which means both parties in the compromise situation are not fully satisfied. THAT is reasonable. THAT is adult. And, THAT is attainable.

As I see it, Lynx, unless something changes dramatically, while it may hurt to part ways, you are going to be dealing with an immaturity in Normal, which, to me, sounds like it will conflict with YOUR nature and maturity levels. Unless Normal can figure out WHY he seems to have to "have it all", or is pushing you - and aggravating you continually in the process - to get his way - for WHATEVER reason(s) - I think you've reached an impasse. You've been more than reasonable. You've been more than accommodating. I'm not sure even with HIS input into the issue - and I assume you have shared what YOU have said here with him - unless he is willing to back down/off to some degree, that your relationship will not wither eventually. And, will he someday "step out" on you - an affair of some kind - to HAVE it ALL, to have the MORE that he wants, with someone else, even while still connected with you? Don't say it can/will never happen. It COULD.

Most guys would just like to have acceptance to indulge themselves with out negative repercussions. And, compared to THAT, Normal virtually has it ALL, but it's not enough. I'm stymied. You've hung in there, but something has to give. I simply cannot see a marriage built on a platform of discord - even with this one issue(maybe I should say, ESPECIALLY with an issue like this) - lasting very long. And, it doesn't make sense to tie the knot only hoping things can and will change. Normally, issues only get worse and more serious. It's easy to tie the knot; it's expensive and can get nasty to untie it. Trust me. Been there, done that...

Once again, Kiddo, good luck...

[Lynx]

So are you saying we should compromise? Or cut it off? Because that's what I'm trying to do here but its becoming more of me just giving him what he wants. I'm happy to live with him wearing around me at times, but in moderation simply because that's the compromise, neither of us gets exactly what we need, but we make it work to satisfy each of us.

I feel like if he opens his eyes and gets what you are saying then we can work through this. But the immaturity as tcc put it, is making me fear that he's never going to grow up. I'm glad someone who is also into his stuff sees it this way.

The sad part is lately he's been fighting for wanting it all and basically threatening me that we will have to break it off if he doesn't get that. Without any sort of compromise. And my compromise involves him getting a bit of what he wants, but also a bit if what I want. I no longer feel its fair to force him to do it alone, I feel that if he needs it he should do it. But the constant pressure I get yang fair, I've been clear on what I'm comfortable with, simply occasional (half and half) sex and his occasional wearing when he needs it.

I just don't feel like this is so much to ask for. It breaks my heart that he's prepared to toss me aside because he can't get every thing he wants. It really stings, I've been a mess about this and I fear his inability to grow up (as tcc put it) and compromise, like the adults that we are, is going to throw this all away. I can't relive it,

[Normal]

I only came back here because Lynx asked me to read the last response who I am assuming is TTC. I’m sorry to anyone out there who does not like private laundry aired publicly, but I have a very long reply for you to read.

Although I recognise the tremendous leaps and bounds lynx has made, and I can very well appreciate that most of “us

[tcc]

Since several comments by me were brought up, I want to respond. Too, I wouldn't worry about airing "dirty laundry" at this site and in this forum. I think the whole issue has been of value, and is a very real platform facing many, if not most of us, in our community! And, if anybody really wants top follow the thread, they can learn something! Since you both are safely hidden behind your computer monitor(s), it's not like you've taken this debate out into the front yard in front of the neighbors or neighborhood..

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - and I don't give a damn about anyone being anti-"pop-psychology", and finding no value in what is offered by it - men think and talk a talk differently than women do. Sometimes we don't hear what is being said - by the way it's being said - so an impasse continues.

LYNX - Normal has drawn a line in the sand. He has been very clear about what he feels he needs and wants in his diaper side/life/world.

NORMAL - Lynx has drawn a line in her sand. She has been very clear about what she is comfortable with, what she has been willing to compromise with/on AND to what degree she can/will/won't compromise further.

When a line is drawn in the sand - and there seem to be two of them in this case - the line, via compromise, moves closer together until it meets, and then there is a compromise, an agreement, a meeting of the minds where there is acceptability to both parties.

Love is problematical. Once one gets beyond the fireworks, the stars and dreamy-eyed emotion, the work begins. Love is a strong emotion and bond between two people. However, the idea that "I don't love him/her enough to..." means that the divide is recognized and that it is also recognized that there will be no further movement to resolution.

NORMAL - You've been clear. You are willing to walk away from the relationship, parting as friends, with no hard feelings - other than a wound to the heart - to hold out for what you crave the most, with the realization that your "perfect" scenario may never happen. What are you willing to compromise on to have that "perfect" situation? You may have to rethink and reshape that over time... You haven't been "the bad guy" and you haven't been "wrong". You are to be commended for being clear in what you want/need and trying to communicate this to Lynx.

LYNX - As a woman, love is going to trip you up every time. Worst case example? A woman who is battered by her husband but won't have him arrested and won't leave him because she loves him. Yikes. NOT SAYING this relates, other than an example of emotional bond that women can have because of love. Normal has drawn his line in the sand. You have drawn yours. From what has been said by both parties, I don't see where more compromise can come from, and it's time to cut losses, refrain from putting any more time or emotion into a relationship and situation that is not going to benefit from it, and part as friends. You can always have the longing over what you DID have, and shared, and enjoyed - that is a bruised heart and love lost - but, in the both of you moving on, as this door closes, another one will open up. That is the way of life.

If it wasn't diapers, it might be something else in your relationship, as it is with many couples. I dated three women before connecting with my current wife, where there was acceptance for my DL side/life/world or not, but "red flags" went up, on the whole, which meant it was time to move on before more time and emotion was invested.

I encourage you both to always attempt to communicate as freely and openly as you have in this instance. Sometimes, like with this forum, a catalyst or "sounding board" is needed to more comfortably air issues. I don't think airing your issues here was wrong in the least. It was a way for you to do so, comfortably, and get input.

God bless you both. You will have learned from this relationship, and it will make you better people. For every relationship that doesn't work out, it merely makes us better able to define what we feel we need FOR a relationship to work out, and move us in a direction TO find/have "the one" and the relationship that will last.

I'm no professional, and I don't propose to have all the answers, but I thank you both for bringing this situation to the site and forum. A great many can read and learn from the struggle you've presented and attempted to work through...

[bignappybo]

He is only wearing a diaper its not as if he is seeing anyother women, if he is wearing them under his normal cothing then how will you be able to see it, just let him wear them andget on with your life.

[darkravendl]

You both claim to love each other. Relationships are about compromise 100% of the time. One person may choose to give into the other at times and visa versa. But to claim that the relationship is at its breaking point is ridiculous in my honest opinion since you claim to love her so much and you see all that see has done for you.

You can only ask a person to do so much for you before you have to give something in return. Im pretty sure that lynx would have no issue if you had a geniune medical need to wear but no such thing has came up its purely emotional and psychological "need". I kinda have to side with lynx at this point because of the fact that if your not willing to compromise and "give" to her side then I dont see the level of love that you claim. Albeit your not here to prove your love to anyone but yourself and her.

Correct me if I am wrong lynx but you are not disgusted by him so much as it is the diapers that you are "disgusted" by. What I can gather is that she is not even disgusted by it she just doesnt want it done around her. I am willing to bet that her biggest fear is that your need to wear will develop for the occasional into a more frequent desire to do so.

[Dill_Pickle]

<snip>

Sometimes, like with this forum, a catalyst or "sounding board" is needed to more comfortably air issues. I don't think airing your issues here was wrong in the least. It was a way for you to do so, comfortably, and get input.

God bless you both. You will have learned from this relationship, and it will make you better people. For every relationship that doesn't work out, it merely makes us better able to define what we feel we need FOR a relationship to work out, and move us in a direction TO find/have "the one" and the relationship that will last.

I'm no professional, and I don't propose to have all the answers, but I thank you both for bringing this situation to the site and forum. A great many can read and learn from the struggle you've presented and attempted to work through...

tcc:

I *hope* your conclusions about the fate of the relationships is wrong, but I *fear* you are right. I also *fear* that the limitations of this medium(forum/chat) prevent lynx and normal from figuring out if the relationship is more important to them than the issue at hand. There *do* exist professionals who counsel on such matters, and I encourage lynx and normal to find one, spend the necessary dollars to break the impasse, and let us know what happens in time.

What I would say to normal is that sex, especially your kind of sex, isn't the most important aspect of the relationship. To Lynx, the same...you could meet me on the street and have no idea if I was wearing diapers or not. In my own relationship, my wife prefers to remain unaware of when I am wearing diapers, and I help that along in various ways. I end up wearing stuff perhaps half the time, with diapers helping to smooth out the differences in the amounts of our sexual appetites.

[M 90]

My 2 cents. I have nothing but the deepest empathy for both of you Lynx and Normal. I have just stumbled upon this thread and its like reading the major situation me and my ex-wife went through. My response may be a downer but in my experience the best advice is always something we don't "want" to hear but "need" to hear. I will try to keep it short.

Once I came out about being ab/dl with my ex-wife we were together for 6 months and she immediatly was repulsed by it. After much explaining and research (this site included) she came to terms with it but then once she found out how deeply my infantilism desires were she went back to being disgusted and it got to the point that we start seing a relationship therapist over it. All the compromises you posted, yeah we tried all those too. Now this whole thing was a learning experience for me as well, I did not know how deeply my infantilism effected me until I discovered how incredibly difficult it was to supress my desires with her. And it killed me everytime I would think about never getting to live out my fantasies with this woman that I really did love and it also killed me to know the stress I would put her through everytime I brung it up to her. We came to a sort of happy medium but still I was not satisfied and then I went and made the brilliant decision to marry her. Now my infantilism and her unwillingness to accept wasn't the only reason we got divorced but I would say it was probably 40% of why we split. We definitely had our typical marriage problems as well.

Now some people here are totally cool with the compromise side of things and that is totally cool but Normal you seem to be on the same page as me with this infantilism and I can tell you from experience that if you are on the same page as me you are not going to be completely happy in any relationship you are in unless you find a girl who will not only truly love you but a girl you are truly compatable with and who is willing to fullfill you fantasies. I am not saying that Lynx doesn't love you and you don't love her hence what I stated earlier about how me and my ex wife did love eachother and I believe that. But I believe now that no matter how much you love and care about your partner if you are not compatable it just isn't going to work, simple as that.

Now here is the kicker... As I have stated my words are not hollow because I have been dating a girl now for 6 months and about a month into our realtionship I worked up the balls to spill my infantilism and you know what, she barely batted a fucking eye at it. Of course she has her own fetishes which probably "greased the wheels" so to speak but she didn't need no explaining, no research to understand it, none of this typical stuff partners who are repulsed by it seem to have to go through in order to "accept" it. She just got excited about it right off the bat and it didn't take long till we started indulging eachother's fantasies. But on the flip side of this I am learning that it takes more then a fulfillment of one another's desires to keep a relationship strong because unfortunatley we are on a hiatus right now do to other relationship problems but my point is is that compatability I believe is what it is all about!

I wish the best for you 2 and if you 2's problems are that of which me and my ex wife went through then you guys spliting is really going to suck but in the end you 2 could find the relationship of your dreams else where. This is just a suggestion of course if you 2 want to reconsile and end up living happily ever after that is awesome too! Good luck Lynx and Normal

P.S. Just in case any of yous reading this think I am resentful towards my ex wife for not accepting and fulfilling my infantilist desires you are dead wrong! Like I said we were compatable in a lot of areas just this area of infantilism and the bedroom in general we were not and it took that entire duration of the relationship to find out just how important our sex lives were to each other relationship requirements. So in no way can or do I blame her for being who she is or was or whatever, alright later

[Lynx]

A side note to bring you guys up to speed.

So far, I have become much more comfortable with it. I have even stared doing it with him, both sexually and not sexually. It's become a fun little secret we can share in. I'm still having difficulties with him wanting to wear around me, without me involved, but I am becoming alright with the idea of him wearing to bed. We will see where this goes, our relationship is amazing. WE get through it all

[Three Rivers]

Glad to hear things are working out for you, it takes a lot of work to be married. I have been at it for 30 yrs so far.

Communication is the big key to success. The best to both of you.

[diaperboy0001]

Don't sweat it.

Your boyfriend enjoys sex on a very high level when he is wearing a diaper. You will probably never meet anyone who can get off so easily and fully unless they have a fetish (like wearing a diaper while having sex).

Fetish sex is fantastic and regular sex to me is quite frankly, boaring.

My former wife didn't enjoy me wearing a diaper when we made love but I always made shure that she got the attention that she deserved every time in the ways that she wanted. Always.

Diaper wearing eventualy was the final straw in a relationship that had more serious problems but I always made sure that my wife came first (no pun intended).

I think that, at the end of the day, you can just look at a diaper is just another kind of underwear.

Not a big deal.

[Fulldiaper]

I think personally in my opinion many women are freaked out as a woman and think the diapers are their competition like another woman and my ex tried to change me litterally and physically. I was made to see shrinks and pastor counseling and ousted to my community by my ex and so called friends, which were not.

To try and change an AB/DL is like trying to brainwash them into what you want them to be. They may act like they're conforming, but some day, some time in the futre, your peace and tranquility will be shattered when you find that they have been doing it behind your back the whole time like having an affair, it will PISS you off and divide you both until there is no repairing the relationship and you'll go your seperate ways and probably hate each other. I know my ex and I haven't talked since the finalization my divorce.

...just my .02 cents