My Boyfriend Likes Diapers And I Don'T

[Lynx]

I have come to this site because other sites are full of very mean and closed minded people who tell me awful things.

So I am very in love with my boyfriend, he likes diapers and I don't. I have become okay with the fact that he will wear them when I'm not around but I still don't want to know about it. I feel that that is something that can be done alone and I don't need to take part. I just don't like them, I really don't.

He has been getting progressively more defensive about them and it seems to be all he is talking about lately. I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't share that interest and would prefer not to. Why can't he accept that?

In the past I have agreed to it while we are having sex, for his pleasure, but as soon as I did he started suggesting that I would also accept him doing it in front of me or even suggested us doing them together. This drove me to drop the idea of diapers all together because I do not want anything to do with them and the sex was strictly for his enjoyment. Now I want to go back to possibly doing it for him during sex but that is all I will do but I am afraid it will progress again. The way he talks about them just makes me feel weird all together.

His diaper obsession has seemed to grow lately, and he talks about it more like it's his identity now and that I must accept it if I accept him. Meaning that I would have to start accepting him doing it. I disagree but am curious what others think.

Is our relationship going to dissolve because I will never like diapers and he will never stop? Or is there a possibility that he can find his time to be enough, maybe have friends who he can do it with/talk about it with without me having to know details.

I love him, I don't have a problem with him having a side interest that does not involve me but I am afraid that this won't be enough for him.

[Diaper273]

There are essentially two sides to your solution. One is his side, the other is yours.

On his side I would say if you like or love him enough you will except him for who he is. Your love should go beyond the material world of things (such as his love of diapers).

The other opinion would be your side. He should have your interests at heart, and if he does not, then it shows a lack of respect and an unwillingness to listen. I had a girlfriend who didn't like diapers, or seeing me in them. One time I wore them during sex, and I felt really bad because I knew she didn't like them, so I took them off.

On the one hand, it shouldn't control his life. He needs to respect you. But at the same time, give him a chance and let him know exactly how you feel about it. Truly, if he cares about you, he will slow down with it. A relationship involves trust, respect and honesty. You should trust him and respect his love for diapers (for it might never go away), but he needs to learn to do the same in return. If he doesn't, then the mutuality of the relationship goes away. If he can't trust you, or respect your wishes, trust me when I say there are far better men out there.

Diapers are a big part of his life, but even I think it is incredibly unhealthy to let objects control a relationship over the relationship itself.

[pins]

I'm single and not married . So from my point of view love works both ways and he ought to respect your feelings , if not your relationship is doomed .

[tcc]

Thank you for the post!

Your situation is probably one of the most recurring themes in the AB/DL world. YOU are probably a true gem, given you have given him freedom to indulge himself in his desires, and even participated. Yet, instead of using his head, and God-given intelligence, he has chosen to be selfish, becoming MORE selfish, and not just appreciating what he HAS, but demanding MORE. What those with the fetishes don't understand is that unless it is slowly, and over time, with tenderness and love, someone NOT into the AB/DL scene or pleasures cannot be expected to just "turn AB/DL" and enjoy it!

You have gone over and above and beyond what could be expected of you. I assume that your BF didn't give you a whole lot of advance or indication of his diaper desires - and I can relate to the progression you note; with my wife's full acceptance, I find myself WAY more diapered and enjoying it WITH that acceptance - so you weren't really that prepared for his "leanings" and the degree to which he wanted/needed to immerse himself in. Have you communicated with him how much he is turning you off by pushing you? Is is possible for you to learn more about AB/DL's through this site, and postpone judgement until you see what you might be in for if you stay with him? You don't have any permanent committment with him - like being married. Dr. Laura Schleshinger would ask the question, "Are you better off WITH him or withOUT him?" (normally for wives in an abusive relationship...) You're already seeing that having "come out" to you, the degree to which he is into diapers, what they mean to him, and the type of diaper life he likes and would like to have - especially with YOU, who HAS extended acceptance to him and his leanings. I mean, the cat is out of the bag. It's kind of hard to put it all back again. And, it will be very hard for him to back off, to put his diaper world back into the closet, as it were, and NOT indulge himself, while yearning for the days of open wearing around you. If he can't wear, he will always crave it - and openess and your acceptance - and when you're not around him, you will always wonder if he IS wearing diapers secretly, on the sly, and what he's doing. It WILL affect your relationship!

Too bad he didn't pave the way - like I did with MY wife - originally. Much better to know about things, and make the decision to go seperate ways BEFORE further emotional attachment was generated. This is what blows apart marriges where the AB/DL "drops the dark secret" into the lap of their partner AFTER the vows are spoken. It's truly sad.

You are at a cross-road. There ARE compromises that can be made, and from what you've said, BF needs to do some serious thinking and evaluation of where he's at and how much he cares about YOU. You might need to re-evaluate where YOU are at and what you are capable of accepting - to the degree of encouragement and participation of and with him - without it being a problem. Actually, with your seeming open-mind, you COULD use his "little secret" to your advantage - for a DL, the idea of being controlled, and always threatened with "infantile activity" exposure in public or to others is truly exciting - and, depending upon how you deal with it, could ENHANCE your relationship. It could truly make for a way more exciting relationship than the dull, "normal" relationship that many couples struggle through! It's up to you.

Sorry for being so wordy. I'm a 40+ year DL, comfortable with who I am and how I am, but am also married for the third time. I've learned a lot. And, where I am now, very happy and content, and able to be openly diapered, though discreetly in public, is the result of a lot of intelligent preparation for and with those I've chosen to have a relationship with over the years.

Living with a DL or AB IS possible, and CAN be fulfilliing for both partners. It just CAN be a little more complicated for some than others. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do. I would hope you would consider an email through Daily D (this site) if you wanted more heart-felt advice from an older, more experienced DL!

[Lynx]

I guess I should clarify details, although your replies are helpful.

I was told at the beginning of our relationship but the way he explained it was much different than it turned out to be. I had no idea what it even was. At first it was a private thing he didn't go into details. It sounded like he was trying to get over it and so I figured I could help him, show him love and it would go away. I was wrong.

We have been together for years and over time I've learned more about it. I went from being very unsupportive and uncomfortable to being okay with it. Although still not wanting it to be apart of my daily life. In a sexual sense I'm a bit more lenient, as I too have out of the norm sexual desires that I will unleash in bed but nowhere else.

He has told me he uses them for number 1, he would like to wear them all day everyday, he likes to sleep in them and would like to wear them when I'm here but cant't. It is definitely the way he tells me that is causing problems, like I'm not allowing it like some bossy mother. I want to love him and accept him for who he is, but I genuinely dislike diapers, I always have. The look, smell, feel, everything about them really makes me feel uneasy. So essentially the exact OPPOSITE of what he feels. And I have worn them to try and understand, I have even used one to try and understand but it's just not my thing.

I do love him and have learned to accept this thing about him that won't go away. This doesn't change how I feel about him, he's a great person. I just don't want to partake in daily diaper wearing. He will talk about it as though I'm not letting him do it, instead of taking a look at my feelings about them and that I just don't share the same likes. It feels like he doesn't see the whole picture, that I love him for him I just simply don't like diapers.

I guess I am writing here to try and see what will come of it. I tried to look around but the whole ab/dl thing really doesn't interest me at all. I just wonder if he can accept diapers in the bed once in a while is all I will be for him or if he's going to be miserable with me and constantly telling me how I'm not where he would like me to be in the issue while making me feel inadequate.

We are currently down a road where he seems to be obsessing constantly about diapers but has been in search of friends with a common interest to engage in. He has said that he was being unfair by expecting I will become a dl too and has apologized. The thing is he still does it, he still makes it out that I'm not allowing something, as though he is not fully understanding the middle ground I thought we reached. I do believe there is a middle ground, which would be where we are now but with him accepting I will never just wear a diaper or have him wear a diaper while we at home cooking dinner. I want talk to him about it, I would rather he just confided in me because I am here to listen, I am supportive but to him because I won't wear/take part in wearing I'm not. But sexually, it will happen and when I'm not around it will happen. I just hope this is enough.

[tcc]

I was dating one woman who was very fond of me and me of her, but the flags went up for me when she said she didn't think she could handle my DL life/world. Another woman got really interested but only after we went our separate ways. One woman I dated was fully supportive, but it wasn't going to be a permanent thing with us.

What I'm hearing you say is that you've met your Waterloo (an old-time term). You have your "line in the sand". He has HIS thing and you have what you are willing to accept, regardless of how "wild" you are in the bedroom. DL is NOT strictly a bedroom thing. For many of us DLs, it is a LIFESTYLE. The two of you have reached an impasse. He needs more, regardless of what you knew and when, and you have reached what you are willing to accept and participate with. If you continue your relationship, you will end up married, and then end up divorced, and should children have come along, THEY will be the ones to suffer most.

It may sound flip, but you two need to go your separate ways, as fond as you feel of each other, regardless the amount of time and emotion you have invested. It's time to part as friends, no hard feelings, and move on. THAT will be hard. However, it will be harder to have a satisfactory life the way it's going, and neither of you being truly happy because of a constant source of irritation. I hate to say that, but, been there, done that. You deserve better - or NOT to have to deal with discomfort to the degree you will constantly have - and you will never be able to satisfy his needs and urges - and it will haunt you BOTH for a lifetime. That is life.

Brutal honesty is always the best, while it may hurt. Even from what you said, I'm not sure there was "full disclosure" from the "git-go". Maybe it wasn't dishonest or deceptive, but if you need to move on, so be it.

Good luck, Lynx.

[Lynx]

Well thanks for the post I guess.

I'm sorry but something like this isn't going to ruin our relationship. We are both capable of growth and change and we see a future. Any relationship, if truly involving two people who love each other, is capable of compromise. We are completely made for each other with one issue on our hands, an issue of great importance, yes I see that. But I'm not asking him to change. It is not a matter that I will become comfortable with over night but it will take time. I am prepared to work on this for him, because he is amazing. Truly an amazing person.

As helpful as you have been, I hope to prove you wrong. I mean this is in a nice way.

[DailyDi]

Well thanks for the post I guess.

I'm sorry but something like this isn't going to ruin our relationship. We are both capable of growth and change and we see a future. Any relationship, if truly involving two people who love each other, is capable of compromise. We are completely made for each other with one issue on our hands, an issue of great importance, yes I see that. But I'm not asking him to change. It is not a matter that I will become comfortable with over night but it will take time. I am prepared to work on this for him, because he is amazing. Truly an amazing person.

As helpful as you have been, I hope to prove you wrong. I mean this is in a nice way.

You have the right attitude and seem like a really good person! "over time" is the key... too many people expect a partner to just flip a switch and suddenly be into whatever they are. Best of luck to the both of you!

[tcc]

I hope you're right, Lynx.

The problem IS that - and I encourage you to read Dr. Laura and John Gray - while you are fully capable of compromise, in this instance, I fear that the time required to reach a comfort level for the both of you will never be reached. Most partners with an AB or DL on their hands - and the truly "open-minded" MAY be able to, over time, reach a satisfactory compromise - do not realize the depth of the hold that diapers have on an AB or DL. Talk about an addiction! How many have thrown all their supplies - or, props, as it were - only to "relapse" into the comfort and security that diapers and their use offer. And, without partner support, they WILL indulge themselves "on the sly". It's kind of like telling a gay person that with enough counselling and will-power that their "gayness" can nullified. Talk to an alcholic in AA. One sip, not just one drink, restarts what has so long been under control. I talked to a psychiatrist when doing a psyche profile for my last divorce, to keep from losing my kids. The Shrink said I was far from alone in my diaper desires, and it MIGHT be possible to eradicate my diaper leanings, but for the most part, those with this type of situation merely TRADE on addiction or compulsion for another.

A woman always holds out hope that she can change her man - look at the number of battered women who stay with their abuser, HOPING he will change or that he can change or that eventually he will change. In my prayers for another partner - I vowed I was going to my grave SINGLE, though diapered in my coffin, if I could NOT connect with a partner to accept me and my "thing" - I asked for, 1)at least, acceptance; 2)better, encouragement (to indulge myself, if not freely, then, in private; 3)better yet, participation (to join in role play or "scenes" of like forced wearing and using, or better, to diaper me whether I wanted to be or not; and, 4)ulitimately, joining me in a DL life and world, enjoying it, if not to the degree that I did or do. That's a lot to ask, but I laid down this list of what I was looking for, and, ultimately, what I needed or was willing to accept in a partner, vowing I would never hide my needs, desires or decadent pleasures for the sake of "love" OR a relationship. But, it HAD to be that way. I KNOW the depth of my "affectation", and been there, done that, every other which way.

Again, I wish you luck. I maintain that this situation will be a thorn in both your sides for a long time - we ALL have many GOOD qualities that we offer and share with a partner - and may prove to the "Waterloo" for the both of you. I can only try to be as supportive as I can be, as a DL of 40+ years, and on a third marriage.

I hope you don't mind MY candor. There are many of us - this IS kind of like an AA group! LOL - who not only have been there, done that and KNOW who we are, how we are and what we need, as well of those that are struggling, feeling very alone and feeling cast adrift in society as an "outcast". It's diapers for cripe's sake, a bonifide useful and much used product - with a whale of a market aimed at ADULTS - and ABSORBENT UNDERWEAR. However, for a great many, there's a twist to that facet. As opposed to a true incontinent who, and a great many DO, hate to have to need diapers and are embarassed at their physical "weakness" or "failure of equipment" - though there are SOME who have embraced their need for containment of eliminations they can't control and enjoy having a to be diapered (the incon who has become a DL or AB), the DL or AB CHOOSES diapers, which is not what "society" approves of. So it goes...

I hope you will keep us informed as to how it is going and goes. It WOULD be nice if this story has a happy ending. You would be a great mentor for a great many other women struggling with the very same issue(s) that you are~

[Mommy Molly]

Hey Lynx,

I don't really have any constructive advise for you, but I would like to applaud you for how understanding you have been through this.

There are not many people who would have gone to the lengths that you have to try and understand, and I hope that your boyfriend wises up and see's that he's pretty lucky.

Best of luck,

MM

[Honu]

There are two issues. You can only change the one you own which is your feelings about your boyfriend enjoying diapers. Look at it deeply and try to understand clearly why it bothers you. What your boyfriend owns and can change is what he does besides wearing diapers. Does he work and performs as a responsible member of the community? Does he emotionally nuture you and care about your relationship issues?

A relationship is two sided deal. He's pushing the diaper issue because it's important to him. Are you getting what's important to you?

If you can change your perspective on his diapers, can you get more out the relationship?

With my best wishes,

Honu, married to Baby Maggie

[WallaWalla]

His diaper obsession has seemed to grow lately, and he talks about it more like it's his identity now and that I must accept it if I accept him. Meaning that I would have to start accepting him doing it. I disagree but am curious what others think.

How can you possibly disagree with that this is the case when he himself is telling you it is? Does identity not arise from the individual? Can't a person decide what defines and identifies them as a person?

He's set it out as something that he wants out of life. That is to say, he wants a partner that is fully accepting of this behavior, not merely tolerant. You really shouldn't just dismiss this as him being mistaken. It's never going to go away and his resentment and lack of fulfillment are only going to grow with time.

[Total Trash]

I encourage you to read Dr. Laura and John Gray

I felt the need to chime in just to say to disregard anything these individuals say. If this does turn out to be a serious issue, you should seek out a credible relationship counselor, not rely on sweeping pop psychology generalizations. As long as you both keep an open mind and are willing to compromise, though, it sounds like you should be able to work things out.

[Markley]

Wow Lynx... If I didn't know any better, I would have thought you we're actually my girlfriend.

Pretty much everything you have said is where she stands with me...

Lynx. I'll speak for him when I say this, but you need to communicate with him about how you feel. I went 4 years believing she was fine with me wearing diapers for chillin' out and sleeping, even having sex with me while I was wearing one once, but the whole time, she was making sure I was happy. I didn't treat her well enough, and took that for granted for way to long... She was always willing to allow me to do things that she may not have liked out of love, but it got old, and because I was never truly understanding of her feelings towards diapers, I ended up the same way your boyfriend is... Talk to him about it. If you don't want to be a part of his DL side, you need to make it clear to him, because like me, he may not listen clearly to hints.

In serious relationships sacrifices have to be made on both sides... For me, it's now clear that if she doesn't like me to wear in front of her, or want to be a part of it, I will make the sacrifice.

Always remember Lynx. If the man feels the same way for you that you feel for him, he will do what it takes to make you happy aswell... You just have to tell him how sometimes, and be firm with your message.

She finally told me weeks ago that she never did like my wearing diapers... Hell she almost left me after I told her about my fetish. She hates it, but has told me that she felt she cant tell me to stop because its a desire that will never go away, and she wanted me to be happy.

After she told me that, I respected her words, and since then, shes never even seen a diaper. I still indulge from time to time, but not when she's home.

Sure, it would be killer if she enjoyed it as much as I do, but you know what? Its a dream. Fantasies cant always come true... doesnt mean its the end of my world.

If he's anything like me, and I figure he is, Diapers are a big deal to him and his image... It may not be something he's proud of either. You need to talk to him about how you feel. I bet he's dying to talk to you about it, and communication cant hurt when it comes to this... You both could become even stronger after you have a good heart to heart...

... but if he happens to find diapers to be more important than your feelings... He may not be so amazing...

[tcc]

I felt the need to chime in just to say to disregard anything these individuals say. If this does turn out to be a serious issue, you should seek out a credible relationship counselor, not rely on sweeping pop psychology generalizations. As long as you both keep an open mind and are willing to compromise, though, it sounds like you should be able to work things out.

I would respectfully disagree with this poster. John Gray and Dr. Laura deal with communication, and it's far from "pop psychology". The KEY, IS communication between partners, espcially with fetishism and its issues. The reality IS that "compromise" often means a male "caves" to a females demands/wishes "for the sake of love". If you're willing to cave, fine. If you can only be fulfilled by TRUE compromise, it's going to take a whole lot of work, WAY more than a person thinks. And, depending upon what the original, initial agreement was between partners, it's not fair to change the game or the rules mid-stream or later on.

Most people, even DLs and ABs THEMSELVES do not have ANY idea the depth and extent of urges ARE, or what their needs ARE, or may be during and to the end of their lives. You cannot "drop AB/DL in" (into the lap of) onto a partner. It has to be carefully approached, carefully explored and mutually agreed to as to how it is going to be accepted or not, and the expectations that will come along with the "revelation" - on BOTH sides!

"If he's anything like me, and I figure he is, Diapers are a big deal to him and his image... It may not be something he's proud of either. You need to talk to him about how you feel. I bet he's dying to talk to you about it, and communication cant hurt when it comes to this... You both could become even stronger after you have a good heart to heart...

... but if he happens to find diapers to be more important than your feelings... He may not be so amazing..."

This sounds so brave, so "chin up". However, reading "between the lines", I sense a great deal of disappointment - been there, done that.

The bottom line IS that this "thing" is a part of him - deeply seated and almost impossible to purge and eliminate - and will always be there. No amount of talking is going to change that. Another bottom line is to what extent a couple IS willing to make compromise, and WHAT that compromise IS. Do you love him enough to KNOW he will always have his urges, REGARDLESS of his love for you - it's almost like an alcoholic's "love affair" with alcohol, though THAT is more physiological than just psychological - and can you afford him a certain amount of freedom that you will accept, and set parameters, or are you prepared to be legally connected, and KNOW that he's indulging his desires(satisfying his needs) in private or "on the sly", when you're not there - at work, away for a weekend, on vacation with family, i.e.. And, if THAT happens, will it piss you off enough to eventually be the "straw that breaks the camel's back" and causes you to part ways via divorce?

I said it before, I'll say it again. What IS your "Waterloo"? Love or not, are you better off WITH him or withOUT him? Are his GOOD qualities enough to overshadow this "part of him" you're NOT so fond of? And, if you accept him the way he IS, are you able to and are you willing to NOT be on his back about his leanings later on in the relationship and life? Way more here than meets the eye, and it's not so simple as "just talk about it". It's all about how he presents HIS "side", and you perceive it, and how YOU present YOUR "side", how HE perceives it, and WHERE that trade of thoughts, ideas and words ENDS UP and GOES.

Again, good luck. It "two to tango", as they say. It is fabulous, Lynx, that you have the wisdom, at your young age, the open mind, as a woman, and as a person with a "quirky" partner, the interest to try and understand something you weren't familiar, and later, comfortable with, and the desire to expand your horizons in your quest to understand. You go, Girl. That more women out there would or could be able to do as you have done and are doing!

[Lynx]

WetterGuy Thanks, I have accepted it, it's still weird though. All I ask, because he is NOT incontinent, is that he does it when I'm not around. I work shit work, this allows him with time.

I agree, it's a compromise. He's not full blow 24/7 diaper fanatic, but he likes them and they comfort him.

[Bettypooh]

Wish I'd chimed in sooner To start I wish I could "plus" tcc's first post a hundred times I disagree with Total Trash not believing that we can understand as well or better than a shrink what goes on inside us and Markley shows what can happen when people don't communicate openly

I'm one for analogies and I have a good one. I knew a crossdresser who had things worked out with wifey- she didn't like it and if he was going to do it he had to do it elsewhere safely so she didn't have to deal with it. OK sounds like a good deal, right? And for 40 years it was but then he wanted to 'have his cake and eat it too'- he wanted to dress up and to be with her at the same time. She reiterated their original deal and declined. We don't need to discuss the divorce or that his kid's now know things about Dad (as do his former business associates) which they didn't need to know. In that ending nobody won, and that is all that matters

Perhaps your BF didn't know how overwhelming this would become in him- it's like that sometimes and when it happens there can be no changing it. If that is the case it isn't his fault yet it is still his issue to deal with- not yours because it wasn't your fault either. If he did know and hid it then it is his fault and his issue to deal with. If you made allowances and later denied them you bear that fault- based on your post I don't see this happening here. Now we're getting somewhere as it becomes clear what has happened at the basic level. (Hey TT: that's pretty good for someone without a Psych degree isn't it?)

As you know, there are some things which we like and some we don't. It's up to each of us how much of each we will go for. Here is where you need to do some deep introspection- where is that line with you and will it remain that way? And he needs to do some introspecting too- how much is he willing to risk losing you altogether because of this- will he respect your 'line' now and forever? At this point you both know this isn't going away and you're going to have to deal with it somehow You must both communicate honestly and peacefully to make this work. there will have to be compromise on both sides for there to be a happy ending to your lives together. The best thing is to set limits as close to the middle as you can- if you can deal with that which you seem to be able to. Most important is that you both respect those limits completely no matter how you feel about that at any given moment. Just as important is that if either of you see change coming that you re-open the subject and recheck those limits before things blow up Working problems out early prevents them from being problems!

There is no point in any person living an unhappy life If there is no way to work this out then it is better for one to be happy than for two to be unhappy. Yes, that hurts- welcome to life and it's reality. Giving of one's self for another is the best most noble thing anyone can ever do, but when you give too much you hurt yourself and nobody can give that back to you Unless you can continue to give of yourself at the level you agree to it may be time to move on, and he needs to see that his actions might cause that to happen. One sided relationships fail, and both must give fairly equally for both to gain from staying together

As for myself I know I am not likely to change- I am probably going to keep doing this till I die even if my total continence were to return. It's a stark reality and I won't go into a relationship trying to play this down so I can get anything from anyone. Any person who becomes my partner is going to know all my weirdness beforehand and I am going to make sure they have enough time to digest that fully before I agree to tying the knot. Any other way isn't being fair to them and in that, it isn't being fair to me either because in the end I will lose too

We're here hoping for the best for both of you and if we can be of help or support just drop in- you'll always be welcome

Bettypooh

[gbw_dl]

you do not have to take part in the play with diapers, if it freaks you out that much and you don't think you could ever wear them or participate with them, you don't have to, you just need to accept the fact that he likes to wear diapers,and i can tell you from experience that trying to "quit" diapers was impossible for me, i get so mich security and comfort out of wearing them, for me they are not sexual but for him they are, if you love this guy as much as you say you do, you will accept him, but make sure he is aware that you don't want to wear diapers and he also needs to accept your stance as well.

[Total Trash]

Just to clarify, it wasn't my intention to imply that you should rely on a counselor to resolve your issues. I was merely stating my personal dislike for the two authors mentioned. That's great if you take away anything useful from reading them, but they do take an extremely normative and essentialist view of gender relations that only reinforce the idea of relationships as conflict rather than mutual cooperation. Simply expressing your feelings to each other honestly and clearly is infinitely more valuable than relying on someone else's rubric to decipher what men "really" mean.

[Lynx]

Ok so I have worn them for him. I did first before I was ready then got completely freaked out and tried to change him.

After a while and lots of researching and seeing a councilor who specializes in this sort of thing, well in alternative fetishes/life styles/desires etc. I learned to accept it. I also began talking to my boyfriend more and more about it. I started listening to him and I quit making assumptions about it. He told me he wears them for fun, they are sometimes a comfort and that yes he uses them. Ok fair enough. I now know he's not into being an adult baby (something I definitely don't want) and he doesn't get weird when he does it. He is just him but enjoys diapers. It was really a big step when I realized this about him. I realized that what I was so afraid of actually wasn't what he is into at all. He doesn't even do it that often, he does it sometimes when I'm not home and when he needs to, times of stress and such. The communication was something we lacked and once we opened up, we grew as a couple.

So I'm now at a point where I am comfortable wearing them occasionally for him, it's always a sexual thing. I have even put them on him as part of his fantasy. I'm comfortable with that now, but not all the time. I want non-diaper sex too. A little of what I like and a little of what he likes. I think that is a compromise, and it is a good one.

As far as just hanging out in them, he does that when I'm not around. He would like friends who he can talk about it with and we are moving to a larger city with a pretty huge population of these DL interest people. This is another compromise, I cannot give him the total indulgent DL lifestyle, because that is not me. So he can find people to do that with. But from what I have gathered there are many variations to being a diaper lover. The way my boyfriend is isn't something that scares me anymore because I have realized it's part of him yes, but he's also so much more and he has said that it's not all diapers all the time, it's just sometimes.

The way some of you talk is like you wear them a lot, and you're proud. I thank you for your input but as far as my boyfriend has told me, he doesn't desire it all the time.

I just figure we have found our middle ground, neither of us is getting screwed over and at the same time we are both getting a bit of what we want. It's a compromise, it's understanding where to draw the line. It is a fantasy, a dream and an escape. It's unrealistic to live in the fantasy 24/7 although I'm sure some of you may. But with the way my boyfriend and I live our lives, it's just not possible nor does it seem to really be something he wants. I'm just going off our many hours of discussion about this. I figure as long as the compromise allows both parties to be happy then it's a good compromise.

Anyways, that was a bit all over the place. I just needed to clarify things. Since I first posted to now a lot has changed. I definitely agree that professional help is good and I have talked with people about it. There are things about me that held me back from understanding him better. So I am working on myself.

I actually have a psych degree but the things they teach you hardly touch on the topic of diaper fantasies, so that is why I came here. Hopefully the way things are for us will be good for the future.

[Lynx]

So I have a quick question,

Is it fair to compromise to have him wear alone? I have no problem with it when it's not done with me, is it fair to ask that he respects me and does it on his own time?

[toddmdl]

So I have a quick question,

Is it fair to compromise to have him wear alone? I have no problem with it when it's not done with me, is it fair to ask that he respects me and does it on his own time?

I think that depends on the person and the relationship. Your boyfriend might be quite willing to compromise and he might think that's very fair. Personally I wouldn't like that proposition but that's because for me it's solely a bedroom thing and that's really the only time I partake. When I was younger I wore a lot more now it's really rare and I prefer it for bedroom activity. I suggest you ask your boyfriend what he thinks and keep the communication lines open. I think some questions you have for people on here are also appropriate to ask your boyfriend. You two seem like you have a good relationship and you seem like a very good, understanding individual. I wish you the best.

[tcc]

The fairest thing to do would be to come to a compromise TOGETHER. He can vocalize what he feels he needs, what he would like to have, and you can vocalize what you are comfortable with and would prefer to see. In that way, he doesn't feel he has to indulge himself on the sly, secretly, and you can live life reasonably secure that he is not running around on you secretly or on the sly, doing things privately and not keeping you in the loop.

However, as situations change, for either of you, you both also have to be willing to make changes in acceptable parameters. And, I would reccommend that you NOT decide to tighten the "noose"(parameters) after agreeing to looser ones. That, after the fact, is not fair. Also, if he has not "fessed up" or provided you with any other information he might have held back on, THAT isn't fair and will come back to haunt him. In this crazy DL/AB world, it's the peeps that simply have not been upfront and open from the git-go that get bitten.

[Diapers4Me]

If he is anything like me, he is dying for your acceptance and validation, so being forced to never wear around you would likley be a serious bummer. I would talk to him about this, and set up a serious compromise...only wear around you on even days, or days with single digits?

Ask the same question of yourself...you say you have your own sexual kink....would you be ok if he said he only wanted you to do it on your own?

I think you've handled this amazingly well. He is a lucky guy! But if you really want to keep him happy, I suggest the following:

1) Find out what his favorite diaper is, and buy him some as a surprise gift once in a while

2) Surprise him once a year by wearing one for him

3) Surprise him once in a while by diapering him

I wish my wife would do one of the above....I'm resigned to it never happening.

[Lynx]

Well we have talked, lots. It's now me saying I'm not comfortable with it when I'm around, its perfectly fine when I'm at work or out.

We do it sexually for him sometimes.

He says he wants to be able to do it infront of me anytime he feels like it, I figure he can respect my own needs know I love him and practice a bit of self control. In this world we don't always get what we want, and practing self control but still having time for your "thing" seems like w fair option.

I was just curious if this seems way outta line or if its a fait compromise.