When You Told Your Spouse...

[Guest]

Nobody knows my AB/DL (i'm mostly a DL) lifestyle.

I did one and only time, put it all out on the table to my wife. I had a backup plan to cover myself in case she'd not accept it, which... Ugh... After she completely denied and judged me, I turned it all around and gave her a reason to think that I put on a diaper for her because of things she'd done in our relationship made me wonder if she was maybe into diapers, and I just made up the confession to help her feel comfortable and acceped, and that nothing that she was into, fetish-wise, could make me judge her or leave her.

After all of that trauma, I had her convinced that it was stupid to just bring it all on to her without talking to her about it before... Less to say... It was the most humiliated I've ever felt in my life.

Ohh, so much pain thinking about it. Just when you think you know somebody so well and think that they love you no matter what you're made up of, they completely let you down. I love her dearly but wish she was not so closed minded about everything life has to offer.

!!!!this is for everyone here who is thinking about telling someone in their life about this amazing side of us:!!!

Be ready to hear the complete opposite of what you would expect, as it is very unfortunate to have such a downer dumped into your life when all you wanted to do is include the one person you love most and be really who you truly are 100%. Only if the people who are so quick to judge and reject us for who we really are would actually listen to what the say when they want their spouse to be completely honest and be who they really are. I guess the old saying "be careful what you wish for" hits way too close to home for us in these awful predicaments. My heart aches for anybody that has ever had this happen to them or somewhat similar situations.

just thought I'd share this painful episode of my life to you all. It's almost been more work to keep it hidden all this time. I was not asking her to participate in any of it, I was just trying to show her it is a part of me and who I am.

I'm not saying that down the road, maybe WAAAAY down the road she may come to her senses and have had alot of time to think about it, that it could maybe spark another conversation about it and blossom into her finally thinking outside of the box for once could likely yeild no harm. There have been instances of her joking about me wearing a big diaper in front of her (her kind of teasing and poking fun about the whole situation), but I can see her looking at my reactions while she's doing it. My defences have been up ever since those moments unfortunately. I hope in time something comes up about it with a much better end result, but I will let her come to me about it.

Just the way it went down, for me, really was a f*ckin' shame...

please do share your stories whether they're hopefully good, or... bad.

[diaperedandspanked]

Nobody knows my AB/DL (i'm mostly a DL) lifestyle.

I did one and only time, put it all out on the table to my wife. I had a backup plan to cover myself in case she'd not accept it, which... Ugh... After she completely denied and judged me, I turned it all around and gave her a reason to think that I put on a diaper for her because of things she'd done in our relationship made me wonder if she was maybe into diapers, and I just made up the confession to help her feel comfortable and acceped, and that nothing that she was into, fetish-wise, could make me judge her or leave her.

After all of that trauma, I had her convinced that it was stupid to just bring it all on to her without talking to her about it before... Less to say... It was the most humiliated I've ever felt in my life.

Ohh, so much pain thinking about it. Just when you think you know somebody so well and think that they love you no matter what you're made up of, they completely let you down. I love her dearly but wish she was not so closed minded about everything life has to offer.

!!!!this is for everyone here who is thinking about telling someone in their life about this amazing side of us:!!!

Be ready to hear the complete opposite of what you would expect, as it is very unfortunate to have such a downer dumped into your life when all you wanted to do is include the one person you love most and be really who you truly are 100%. Only if the people who are so quick to judge and reject us for who we really are would actually listen to what the say when they want their spouse to be completely honest and be who they really are. I guess the old saying "be careful what you wish for" hits way too close to home for us in these awful predicaments. My heart aches for anybody that has ever had this happen to them or somewhat similar situations.

just thought I'd share this painful episode of my life to you all. It's almost been more work to keep it hidden all this time. I was not asking her to participate in any of it, I was just trying to show her it is a part of me and who I am.

I'm not saying that down the road, maybe WAAAAY down the road she may come to her senses and have had alot of time to think about it, that it could maybe spark another conversation about it and blossom into her finally thinking outside of the box for once could likely yeild no harm. There have been instances of her joking about me wearing a big diaper in front of her (her kind of teasing and poking fun about the whole situation), but I can see her looking at my reactions while she's doing it. My defences have been up ever since those moments unfortunately. I hope in time something comes up about it with a much better end result, but I will let her come to me about it.

Just the way it went down, for me, really was a f*ckin' shame...

please do share your stories whether they're hopefully good, or... bad.

Brought this subject up to my wife once to, she didn't totally freak out and threaten to leave me or anything, she just wasn't at all pleased with the idea. I did get her to diaper me once, she just didn't understand my reasoning at all about any of it. Probably didn't help that I couldn't really explain it myself. In the end, she told me I could wear one if I wanted to, but I declined. For quite some time after all this happend she poked fun at me about it. Anytime anything about great big diapers came up on tv or otherwise, she joked about it. So, I wear when she's not around, if she finds out somehow, it at least won't be a huge surprise.

[JeiSiN]

For both of the above posters.. I want you to close your eyes.. and imagine... just imagine....... that you were familiar with some of my posts....

You guys both failed miserably not because of your wives, but because of your sales presentation. Imagine a bum on the street being sold this amazing business idea from a saint, and the saint gives him a bunch of brochures and pamphlets. The saint tells him that all he has to do is devise a sales presentation for investors, they'll buy into the idea and he'll get royalties off minimal efforts. "Fuck Yeah!" says Jimmer. Imagine feeling fucked up everyday of your life, and he has a BIG meeting with investors that will turn his life around and get everything he has ever wanted. So he gets all of his his stuff, throws on a suit that he had in his box in his alley, and he goes into the room with potential investors. He takes his box of pamphlets and throws them all over the table. When asked the first question, he freezes and realizes he didn't prepare at all and he has no idea what to say! The investors are confused and baffled. Jimmer is back on the streets burning the pamphlets for heat. The saint comes back and slaps him in the face, then swiftly kicks him in the balls.

I'm the (S)ain't.

You two are the people I am trying to get to. I'm young, I'm cocky, and I'm a straight up ass sometimes. In real life, not so much. But fellas, I really can't repeat myself on this board anymore. See my profile and look at my past topics and posts and see if you can find the answers you need for happiness. Please send me some messages and we can talk. I really want to help. My heart aches for you guys because its your fault! Your wives are sooo onto you and you are actually in a much better position than you may think. Lets chat chums. Message me.

-JeiSiN

[Depends1578]

Can I reply even though shes a girlfriend and we're in a serious relationship? Alright, She was surprised but expected much worse. She supported it and let me diaper her once. Then as this relationship has continued..she lets me wear but doesnt want a part of it. no wearing. no changing me. nothing. I can wear around her though. Will she become my spouse? I highly doubt it. Thats for another thread though.

[Forced2wet]

I'd been trying to tell my wife of 19 years for some time and the closest I'd got many times whilst having pillow talk was hinting at it by telling her I had a unusual 'thing' I was in to.

But before I got round to revealing my DL side I was careless, rather than leave used slips outside with the rubbish (Like I'd done previously) I'd put them in the footwell of the car ready to dump in a bin somewhere. I'd forgotten all about them and I opened the car for my wife to get in whilst I locked the front door. She picked up the Tescos carrier bag containing the wet nappies and asked what they were. I said it was just rubbish and I took it and other stuff off her to put in a black sack later.

The next day she told me "I know what you 'thing' is and you're a weirdo"

We had a few words, having to be quiet because the kids were about, and I could tell she was struggling to understand........and why would nt she tbh.

I asked her to come to the local pub to chat. I bought her a meal and drink and sat her down to talk about it. She told me the penny had dropped the previous day, she'd seen used nappies before in the rubbish and assumed they were 'dumped' there by someone else. But once she'd seen the same things in my car she knew.

I tried to explain, I told her the history of my 'thing' and also told her about the various sites like this that I visit for 'answers'

TBH, I thing she was more annoyed that I had confided in strangers rather than her, my answer was that I know if I'd have spoken to her she would have freaked out and not understood.

Since then I mention it many times, joking at having nappy rash and pretending to be wearing when I was nt, and she has joked about it back over various things. But I know that she's not ready to join in yet and that's fine.

Although I'd love my wife to be active in my 'interest' I will keep it to myself for the time being and hopefully she'll ask further down the line if she's interested.

The bonus is, that now I can order packages online and not worry about being there when they arrive in the post

[Newroad]

I told my wife and it was the scariest thing in the world. At the time we had been married 19 years. I count myself the luckiest man on earth. She not only accepted the idea and professed an unconditional love for me but when I got home ( I was in the Middle East at the time) I found she had all kinds of nice things for me Diapers. Legos. and lots of love and attention. I can never describe my abject terror at brooching the subject and the unbridle joy at being loved and accepted for who I am.

[sarah_ab]

if you have the luxury of realizing this interest before you are married, its probably best to disclose it then, otherwise you are going to find out AFTEr marriage that the person you married may not be the open minded accepting individual you hoped.

[diaperedandspanked]

if you have the luxury of realizing this interest before you are married, its probably best to disclose it then, otherwise you are going to find out AFTEr marriage that the person you married may not be the open minded accepting individual you hoped.

Right on Sarah, I was already married to my wife over 20 years when this interest in diapers came along. Not easy bringing something like this into a relationship that's been going on this long.

[Sissy Tami]

Told my wife when we were first dating. it went very well. a bit later on I was recovering from some surgery and she kept mi in diapers and feed me baby food for a week. one of the best weeks of my life,LOL

[timmyc]

I told my then gf, before we were married. The first 24 hours I kind of got the cold shoulder and she admitted to thinking it was weird and baling on me. 24 hours later she wanted to know as much as possible about the interest. Within a week she was wearing part time and even even though she was a very good mommy she much preferred being diapered, than seeing me in them. For a little while she was wearing as much as she wasn't While we couldn't work out larger areas of life together, ie money, the diapers were also one of strengths we even got together a couple times for "play" after we separated, I thought the diaper might eventually save our relationship but alas no.

She knew I liked it, I knew she liked it and we promised each other we would keep our secrets secret. We haven't spoken in 10 years but it has never come back to haunt me.

My next couple of relationships were with women who had their own list of fetishes and while not diaper specific, were into age play and spanking so I was able to work in diapers too with out it being too much of a thing.

[Phil Schwartz]

My wife and I had been together (as bf/gf, then engaged, then married) for well over a decade when I told her. It came about as a result of me finally opening up to her about the childhood sexual abuse in my past. We had been working through that and she was truly supportive and wanting to understand. When I got to explaining about the ways I cope, my diapers are a core part of that, and so that was how it came out. After her hearing about the abuse and what it did to me emotionally, the diapers were not a big deal at all.

You have to realize that this all was utterly emotionally wrenching and draining for me, and certainly for her as well. The abuse, even decades later, is what I'm really working on getting past (both with the help of my wife and my shrink). My diapers may be part of me for the rest of my life, and both my wife and I are OK with that. Compared to the other mental and emotional repercussions from my tormentor, wanting to wear funny underwear is no concern at all.

She understands why I wear. I'm not interested in having her participate, as a wearer or as a (shudder!) mommy. As much as I think I understand the ways that being mommied helps most of us here, I can't trust anyone like that - I can't let myself be that vulnerable. So, the diapers are just for me.

[Phil Schwartz]

Let me add something to my posting above to better address the OP's concerns. Before I told my wife about my past abuse and everything that it entails, I considered it for a long time. It needed to come out eventually, things were building up inside me and at some point I had to trust her with my past. All sorts of resulting scenarios were churning around in my head, most of them not particularly good.

Perhaps she would see me as being seriously damaged goods, maybe with the added twist of having deceived her by keeping it from her all these years resulting in her being hurt, sad, and angry. I feared she might think me some sort of sick, evil, shameful, twisted, perverted mess which was distinctly not what she had bargained for. She might think I had tricked her into marrying me, by brashly pretending to be normal. I even worked out a plan for what I might do if she threw me out and told all our friends and family.

There is deep shame from having been abused. Sure, it happened when I was a defenseless kid, but for some reason that's not a comfort. Nevertheless, this shame leads to tremendous fears of rejection, so you could imagine the sour stomach I had as I thought about how she might handle the news. Yes, I was scared, apprehensive, and terrified. It needed to happen, though, and having thought about how I would handle the possible results made it somewhat less difficult to do.

Never just jump in to something like this. We're playing with fire - this secret could end a marriage if things go wrong. My suggestion is to consider all the angles to how your spouse or SO might respond to each point. Come up with worst-case scenarios and work out how you would handle them. Be ready to answer every question you can think of. It won't make the minefield safe, but you'll have a shot at negotiating it and coming out the other side with your relationship intact.

[LilPrincessErin]

I JUST told my husband on our anniversary (just this past weekend). I hadn't ever told anyone about my urges to regress and wear diapers before and I was so nervous about opening such a private part of my life, but we're so open sexually, that I figured, why not. And, it went great. He's not too educated about the AB/DL lifestyle, but thanks to this website, and all the posts in the forums that we've been reading together, he's opening up even more to the idea.

I know this is my first post, and I've been "lurking" on this website (and a few others) for a while now, I just wanted to thank you all for this wonderful online community. It's really great to know that other people out there enjoy this lifestyle too, and it's because of you all that I finally had the courage to come out to my husband. Now I FINALLY have that Daddy I've been secretly longing for, all these years.

[Guest Wetnmessy247]

Never had a spouse.

I told my mom and she cried for a long time.

I told my father and he disowned me for some time.

I told both my sisters and only one communicates with me, the other cut me off.

Umm.....my grandmamma doesn't know. She won't cuz I don't wanna break here fragile little heart that her only grandson poops himself daily.

Closest thing would be my best friend. I told him about my ABDLism and he moved not long after. I don't think it was because of my ABDLism. But it could be.

One girl I knew I told and she stopped calling me long ago.

None of my professors know, but some of my fellow college age class friends are suspicious as well as one professor. I live 10 minutes away from campus and I get stinky the longer I walk in the sun. Bike got stolen.

DAMNED PUNK ASS KIDS.

My recent ABDL friend knows. He loves it. We change each other's diapies. It's a good relationship. The thought actually flittered through my head about dating him. We connect on so many levels, and it's nice to have someone to wipe me clean.

[Burp_Cup]

I told my wife back in the late 1990's after being married to her about six yrs. I remember being extremely nervous about the whole thing but just knew I had to do it.

I had a retro Website up on the screen (I forget the site name, but it had some mildly kinky themes that were more fashion oriented etc. but the whole thing looked really retro and one of these themes was diapers.) Anyway, my wife knew that I enjoyed retro-style art so that was my 'In'-troduction if you will.

She sat down in front of the monitor while I was commenting about how neat they did this and that with the site and how cool it was etc. I remember also saying that some of the themes kind of aroused me and thought that they could be a bit fun! So, much to my chagrin, her response was something like: "Well, I don't know about the diaper one, but yes it's a neat site." I remember saying right then, that that happened to be the one that I was most interested in and then sat down and proceeded to tell her more about my 'secret history.' I also remember half jokingly telling her that she may want to get the divorce papers. Yikes! I did say that

I think it was maybe four or five days later we were driving in the car and she totally surprised me by saying that when we got home she would like to try the 'diaper thing' (meaning me in one) I thought that was fantastic!

Jumping ahead a few years now I have pretty much this diaper reality: She occasionally will put a fresh one on me but doesn't do any changing of dirty ones. She lets me wear them as I please and participates verbally when I tell her that I pee'd or poo'd, in a maternal kind of way at least, so I'm happy with that.

Anyway, things could be better in the diaper realm but they could also be worse! I do LOVE my wife!

This is my story with a pretty good middle and I hope a happy ending. Wish you well Disposables-only!

[Guest]

Well, here's an update on this situation/predicament of mine since my first post. It's been a rocky, touch and go couple of years so to speak. Lots of jokes from her and lots of missed opportunities on my part to clear things up while she was in a jokingly good mood. All my fault. Some time has passed and the topic did come up last year during a phone conversation where her and i completely had a huge falling out while she asked me all about my DL fetish. After telling her things that she obviously wasn't ready to listen to, i just insisted to dismiss the conversation and forget about it... Awkward. Time went by and more diaper jokes come from her with it going nowhere but a bottled up reaction on my face and the subject quickly changes. Until recently... Living in a world of my brain constantly telling me that i should be with someone who knows exactly who i am and loves me for it unconditionally, the conversation came up AGAIN. Amidst my intermittent misery of being with someone who only loves the qualities SHE wants of me, I couldn't take it anymore and when she made another diaper joke or brought up the subject next time- i was going to go for it, and i did. Sadly, the reactions were same as before, confusion, refusal to understand, negative judgement and labelling, none of which were in a playful banter even after countless nights of me trying to explain it to her. The sentence that is sticking with me the most is - "if i would have known about this before we got married, i would not have married you". I know things are said during arguments that can be emotional nonsense that isn't meant from the heart, but i can't get it out of my head... Things have calmed down for the last week since it came up, but i know and she knows that it is bothering me, but she tries to go on with our life while avoiding the whole subject and i am having a great amount of difficulty with going about my days acting like it's all just peachy. I don't expect her participation in anything to do with my fetish except to know that i have it, keep my diapers and things without hiding them and let me wear once and a while. She's sticking around and still wants to be with me, i know that is a good sign, but she has said in the heat of the moment that she wants nothing to do with it, how should i be taking that? I love this woman and only want to share everything with her including exactly who i am as a person, but am i asking too much?

[Nat]

I never really had to tell my husband because we met on here so he already knew about it. He is more of a daddy than a DL and AB. He will not wear a diaper unless I baby him. So it;s not really diapers he is into, it's the babyness he is into and the diapers go along with it. He does not enjoy diapers alone. He will very rarely put one on to cut out potty breaks.

[phogendpf]

Ive never told a partner. I am still trying to meet a girl on here or other diaper sites. I want my gf/wife to love diapers just as much as me. Im 23 and in san diego california, any girls want to chat?

[bbgirlmichelle]

I told my (now) husband of 5 years about 2 weeks after I met him (about 10 years ago), he was the first person I had ever told. The way I did it was I found a great article online explaining infantilism and had him sit down at my computer and read it. His reaction was very positive and he said he learned a lot from the article. From there I still kept my diapers pretty private for fear of not pushing my fetish on someone that was accepting, but wasn't into it. For some reason I knew that he would be accepting of it, we were both so very open with each other from the very night we met.

As the years went on I became more comfortable bringing that side of me out around him and he found he enjoys being the Daddy figure. After getting married I realized that I'm also quite interested in BDSM as a bottom and a submissive and we've both explored those areas as well.

Now 10 years later, we flow in and out of Daddy/little girl mode and married couple mode constantly. I even have some little rules that I need to follow that help keep me in a little mindset all the time. He'll diaper me, but not change dirty ones... compromise

*huggles*

Michelle

[rosalie.bent]

ive been on the other side of the fence as the wife that learns about my hubby's baby side. My first comment is that it is very very hard for a partner who has zero idea what AB is all about and so it can be a shock to some and others just consider it a kink and nothing more. But I get pretty angry at partners who refuse to even consider it or wont even discuss it. That is a very poor effort. Loving partners always have to deal with aspects of the other person that are less than we want. That's just life. I know that some people simply cant cope with AB behaviour but the real problem is that most dont even try. I was raised to belief that 'love conquers all' yet too often I hear that love is 'all about me and my needs'. I found it hard to understand AB and for a long time didnt understand it at all. But my lack of understanding is no excuse for not tolerating it.

I believe that at the core of most problems of this nature is that the relationship itself has problems with acceptance of the other person 'in total'. Love and marriage is supposed to accept the 'whole package' yet there are too many unwilling to accept that which they dont like or dont understand. I understand that I am preaching to the wrong audience here but it is what I feel very strongly. How many hubbies have to suffer thru women with mood swings that cover the entire spectrum or who have almost literally a shoe fetish? Yet when he wants to wear a diaper she goes ballistic??

Putting AB into a relationship can and does work. But ultimately it is dependant on the other partner truly loving them and it is sad to say that in many cases that simply isnt true. I didnt understand AB. I didnt like it and I didnt want it. I fought it and was most unfair and he hid it. But when push came to shove and he could not hide it any more, I worked on understanding it. Then I worked on incorporating it into our lives. My hubby is a vastly happier, calmer and more capable person today because his AB needs are being mainly fulfilled (not totally). And ultimately I gained far more than it cost me.

But the key to it all was committment to my hubby and my marriage. That was above everything else and I was not going to let a diaper and a baby dress get in the way.

[BriGuy]

I was up front from the get go. Made getting married much easier. Always best to lay it out on the table early. That way there are no hurt feelings from lack of acceptance.

Not only is it easier but it's only fair to your spouse. Talking about anger with no basis, you've basically lied to your wife about a part of your life. Then get angry because she isnt accepting with your lack of forthcoming? LoL

[diaperpt]

Two years ago some used diapers were discovered before I had a chance to get rid of them. My wife confronted me and I 'fessed up. She asked if I 'needed' them. I was so shocked and humiliated I didn't know what to do - so I was as honest as I could be at that point. There was an ultimatum. Get rid of everything and go to a shrink or the marriage was over. This was a 'deal-breaker.' She felt this was a form of cheating and that in keeping it a secret I'd lied to her; she didn't know who I was any more. I tossed ALL my stuff and swore I'd never use diapers again. I went to a shrink that next week.

Since then I've missed only a couple of weeks without a shrink session because he was away or I was. I needed it. I've been messed up all my life and thought I was just fine. Diapers came out of another fetish - and I realize now that both have been very real needs for me; psychologically, but real needs. Diapers were my way of establishing a place of my own in my life without bowing to someone else's will, desire, whim. My shrink has helped me build myself back up and I'm making some good progress.

Coincidentally, I have also developed some medical needs and after TURP surgery have needed diapers more and more to the point where I wear them all the time. My wife acknowledges the need, but wants to know nothing and see nothing about diapers. My shrink continues to support me and say I need to either take control or give it to her. What I'm trying to do is slowly move toward taking control. I'm not ashamed any more. I need them - part psychologically and partly medically - it doesn't matter. Both are important.

At this point, I'm not even sure what I want as an ultimate goal in terms of me, diapers and my wife. What I do want is to remain in the marriage and make it work; and at the same time, get my wife to accept more and more that I did not cheat, that I kept it a secret (and perhaps lied) only because I knew full well she would reject the idea of them, that diapers do not interfere with my love for her.

I can't force her to change her views on me in diapers but I can work to make myself stronger and to improve the marriage.

My situation is not universal by any means. On the previous page, 2 years ago we heard from ...sorry, can't remember... who said "I'm young, I'm cocky, and I'm a straight up ass sometimes. In real life, not so much." and that he just stood up and told his wife to be or whatever how things were going to be and she could either accept or take a hike. What he meant by 'in real life, not so much,' I'm not sure. I think one difference is that for those who are cocky, self-assured and perhaps a 'straight up ass sometimes' the women they will attract are most likely somewhat more accepting in any number of ways.

Regardless, its something you do need to face with your wife at some point - and better to do it at the beginning of the relationship (I wasn't capable of dealing with it myself at that point) and better before you're found out (and if you keep at it, you WILL be found out). It will be difficult to say the least.

Rosalie has added a lot to this discussion and I like what she has to say. We all have to keep working at the relationship more than the diaper issue. If you can make the relationship as strong as possible, each partner keeping the other's feelings and happiness in mind, you can overcome just about anything else. THEN if not, perhaps you aren't meant to be with each other. I've rejected just that statement from many others so let me say that MY statement is about the relationship. Others just say it's either diapers or divorce - and usually are looking for a one way relationship. Most of us here realize well that that won't work.

Aside

[spark]

But the key to it all was committment to my hubby and my marriage. That was above everything else and I was not going to let a diaper and a baby dress get in the way.

I'm curious, did you already have your suspicions when your husband came clean, or was it a complete shock. I'm sure you noticed some of the things your husband did that show traits of AB, but if did he need to come clean before, or not.

[rosalie.bent]

I'm curious, did you already have your suspicions when your husband came clean, or was it a complete shock. I'm sure you noticed some of the things your husband did that show traits of AB, but if did he need to come clean before, or not.

I was 'kinda aware' of something particularly his problem with occasional bedwetting but the need was so strong that keeping it totally from me simply wasnt really possible. yeah, i didnt like it, didnt understand it and it was right off my own plane of existence. But in retrospect I think I was quite narrow in my thinking. I was defining the universe by my family upbringing friends, church and the things I had lived through. None of my family wet the bed and so these issues were all foreign. IN a way I understand some wives reactions but at the same time I do not accept them as right anymore than I consider my own rejection and nedial was right. We found our place of mother/child relationship over a long period but even before that I accepted that the AB side was there and allowed him to 'do it' without me being around. It was pretty limiting for us both but certainly better than rejection.

I read DIAPERPT's post and frankly felt a bit ashamed of my gender and the 'deal breaker' comment. Lack of understanding is acceptable. Lack of acceptance is not. Im currently writing a book for parents of teens that wear diapers and one of my early chapters is about telling parents that their kids are okay; that they are NORMAL, just not common. I also said that the parents should be GRATEFUL; grateful that their teenage family issue wasn't drugs, crime, sex or pregnancy. it is diapers. JUST diapers. and frankly, some partners need someone to speak firmly (or just plain yell) that IT IS JUST DIAPERS!!! Compared to affairs, porn additiction, emotional distance and so on, what is wearing diapers compared to that? Cheating? cheating on what exactly? I had nightmare years with my son. I'd have traded those problems for diaper wearing in a flash and at that stage I didnt like my hubby wearing them either!

And sure for many others there are the baby things and I grant that that is a lot more complex, but still, compared to having affairs, stealing money and being an all-round lousy hubby, what is wearing baby clothes on occasion?

Needing diapers for physical or psychological reasons should never be a deal breaker. After all, most of us end up in them eventually if we live long enough. I maintain that being AB or DL should never be a marriage destroyer and I dont think it ever is. It might be the final straw but a good solid relationship can survive AB. All it needs is information and some good solid practical ideas and suggestions. Compromise on both sides is essential but doable.

We've both found an interesting thing about being in balance. My baby girl can dress up pretty much whenever he wants depending of course on who is around at the time but evenings and nightimes are almost always his to be a baby as much as he wants. Its surprising how little he does it now that he can do it when he wants and not just taking opportunities when and if he can. The surprising thing we found is that BALANCE actually brought a significant reduction in the AB desires. I didnt put that in the book because frankly, that can be pretty scary. AS difficult and frustrating strong AB desires can be, losing it or even feeling a lot less need can be scary. My hubby is in 24/7 diapers for both psychological and physical reasons. Sometimes he goes thru 'dry moments' like waking up in a dry nappy or having 4 or 5 hours dry during the day. It scares him sometimes because he is afraid of losing the physical need to be in nappies. So I see the fear in people about the AB desires receding.

I hope my rambling added something to the topic.

[Bettypooh]

What Briguy said though I'm not in full agreement with Rosalies statement about not understanding being acceptable Understanding on a logical level can be achieved through learning, and everyone owes that much devotion to their spouse. Understanding on an emotional level is something we can't create, but we can learn to control in our own self We owe it to anyone we care about to try to understand them and to keep trying until we're as successful at that as we can be. In those cared-for people, yes- we must accept the things which make them who they are or admit that we don't really care as much as we said or thought if things are to continue heading in the right direction

Bettypooh