Telling Others?

[Babyjohn2006]

I have been deling with night time incontinece for a while now and have no trouble hiding it, my problem is I recently started having day time issues. I wear a guard at work and am about 30 feet from the restroom so I constantly go there (every 20-30 minutes). My problem is when not at work. Last Friday night my wife and I went to a shooting competition and I tried wearing a pullup with a guard in it. I changed the guard twice and still leaked. I have pretty much accepted the fact that I need to wear diapers when out, the problem is tht I spend one night a week at my inlaws place. (My wife works up in that area durin the week and it is to far to commute and I go visit her on my days off.) I am not sure about how to handle others such as my inlaws finding out. I wear a long shirt untucked to cover the bulk, but still worry about the crinkling noise.

My question to you guys is how have you handled this issue, have you told certain people about it and if so what was their reaction? (Did you notice them treatig you any differently) Or do you continue to deal with the stress of hiding it and having it found out?

Thanks,

John

[Mischa]

I wear sporadically for comfort (eventually will be going 24/7 after gettin a job) I've noticed that a depends under boxer briefs and jeans is practically silent.

As for telling others, i've told my best friend my plan, my mom knows that im an AB but i don't think she realizes yet that im gonna eventually go 24/7.

By the way, today i will be going out in public wearing for the first time (since i was chrono little of course). So i'll post about my experience here. I plan on wearing a large jersey over my regular shirt to hide the bulge and the diaper will be under three layers; boxer-briefs, jeans, and in-between--in case we go snowmobiling, pajama pants that i use as long-johns.

[Forced2wet]

Recently my wife found out about my interests.

I was careless with a wet slip but because I'd already warned her that I had this 'terrible' desire she did nt freak like I thought she would.

Since we had a chat, I have shown her my online posts on another board about how I longed to tell her (And the replies I received)and also showed her much of this board.

She's not ready to 'join in' but has asked me "Did you want me to get involved?" which is hopefully a good sign.

What she does nt understand is that I never wanted to change any of my kids diapers when they were babies.

I'll leave it for a couple of weeks and then broach the subject again.

As for anyone else, no, it's a secret I keep from everyone. Although it's easy for me as I still control my bodily function so only wear when I want to, not when I have to.

[diaperpt]

Though not incon myself, I wear frequently during the day even around some of my family without detection. It seems to me the problem for you will not be the noise of a diaper, but the problem of changing. This is all based on your wish to keep this quiet.

Unfortunately, I notice that most of us who have replied are not incon and therefore not able to give you the advice you want and need. Hopefully others will respond and help.

[ldatsea]

I have been deling with night time incontinece for a while now and have no trouble hiding it, my problem is I recently started having day time issues. I wear a guard at work and am about 30 feet from the restroom so I constantly go there (every 20-30 minutes). My problem is when not at work. Last Friday night my wife and I went to a shooting competition and I tried wearing a pullup with a guard in it. I changed the guard twice and still leaked. I have pretty much accepted the fact that I need to wear diapers when out, the problem is tht I spend one night a week at my inlaws place. (My wife works up in that area durin the week and it is to far to commute and I go visit her on my days off.) I am not sure about how to handle others such as my inlaws finding out. I wear a long shirt untucked to cover the bulk, but still worry about the crinkling noise.

My question to you guys is how have you handled this issue, have you told certain people about it and if so what was their reaction? (Did you notice them treatig you any differently) Or do you continue to deal with the stress of hiding it and having it found out?

Thanks,

John

In my experience at wearing for over 22 years and last 9 being 24/7 these are the simple things I live by to keep my diaper needs relatively hidden from family and coworkers.

1. A Proper Fitted diaper, every brand is differant and fits differantly, find the size and brand that WORKS BEST FOR YOU! a diaper should not be loose fitting and saggy, but should not be so tight it digs in and causes chaffing and rubs you raw. it should be snug but flexable around the waist and legs so any diaper with a waistband and leg gathers is better than a diaper without. also diapers with built in leak barriers are best.

. use only GOOD quality diapers unless you wear more than one at a time .

Brands that are best for me are ABNEA Super thru X-plus, Secure X plus , Bambino

Diapers that are good but you need to use 2 at a time are, attends 9 or 10 (with waistband, )Secure plus and last resort depends. CVS used to have a good diaper untill they switched to clothlike now they suck. otherwise completly avoid store brand diapers.

2. wear cotton pants i.e blue jeans , decient khakis and shorts, man made materials do not cover crinkle very well, things to avoid ; thin cloth pants like dress pants, dockers,etc unless the material is thicker than the average, Doing this you should not need any thing else, 90% of the time i wear just my diaper under the pants with NO sound issues, When i need to wear dockers or dress pants I will use a good quality plastic pant and that will solve the issue, I dont own any "normal" underwear but wearing cotton briefs will also aid in muffling crinkle. A side note darker colors are better at hiding the ocasional wet spot from leaks but I cant always wear black but I dont usualy leak.

3. changing at work is the most difficult thing to over come this is what i do.

I put on two diapers in the morning, the first one being a thinner diaper like attends 9 or 10 , depends, secure plus. second diaper one thicker high quality diaper like abena xplus, bambino, secure x-plus over the thinner one ( DO NOT CUT A SLIT IN THE FIRST DIAPER TO MAKE IT A DOUBLER) the reason is at least for me is not to absorb more but to make changing easier later... I have found that the thinner diapers hold more liquid before leaking than if they where worn by themselves, i dont know why but this works every day for me. For me I with this arrangement I dont have to worry about changing until lunch. at lunch I usually go to a park to eat or to restrant but all you have to do is slide both diapers down and undo the inner wet diaper than slide the dry outer diaper back up and your done. almost no tape sounds and I'm out of the bathroom in 3 minutes max an average amount of time any one will spend in the stall. the reason i use a better diaper over the top is they will last the rest of the day without worry of leaking before i get home to change again.

you may ask why not use the inner diaper as a doubler and wear it all day, rashes and odor become an issue after 4-6 hours and you dont want to have odor issues at work... trust me. you need to change during the day no matter how much you wet for those reasons.

you may ask about the diaper bulk but for most people the bulk is not hard to hide. NEVER wear really tight pants, tuck in your shirt and wear a belt (the belt needs to be tight enough to keep your pants up... I mention this because i have seen many people wearing a belt but they where not tight enough so when the person bends down you see thier crack that only happens if the belt is not tight enough) this will prevent the ride up and exposing of a diaper. the shirt should be tucked in so it has at least a small overlap that will hide the transition of your body to the pant area that could give away any odd shape change that the diaper bulk could cuase.

MOST important remember nobody cares much about what your wearing or doing unless it effects them personaly , and are usually caught up in thier own lives to pay to much attention to your butt area to notice. the things people WILL notice are, 1. your attitude and actions can give away your diaper wearing if your nervous,uneasy, or appear to hiding something people will pay greater attention to you than if you act normal. 2. Odor will give you away every time ,a Loud CRiNKLE when you move, a muffled crinkle can be many things so a small crinkle might not give you away, and not usual but if the diaper gets exposed shirt slips or something.

NOW these suggestions are what works for ME in MY experince, everyone is diferant in everyway so you HAVE to find what works for you individually , I.E some diapers don't fit me properly to work well i.e tenas, molicare some peolpe can wear them but I cant they leak. so you have to find the diaper style and fit that work for your BODY. I can fit MOST MEDium diapers but i buy large to give me a better fit, even tho i could save money. so you have to experement to find what works for you.

[ldatsea]

I have been deling with night time incontinece for a while now and have no trouble hiding it, my problem is I recently started having day time issues. I wear a guard at work and am about 30 feet from the restroom so I constantly go there (every 20-30 minutes). My problem is when not at work. Last Friday night my wife and I went to a shooting competition and I tried wearing a pullup with a guard in it. I changed the guard twice and still leaked. I have pretty much accepted the fact that I need to wear diapers when out, the problem is tht I spend one night a week at my inlaws place. (My wife works up in that area durin the week and it is to far to commute and I go visit her on my days off.) I am not sure about how to handle others such as my inlaws finding out. I wear a long shirt untucked to cover the bulk, but still worry about the crinkling noise.

My question to you guys is how have you handled this issue, have you told certain people about it and if so what was their reaction? (Did you notice them treatig you any differently) Or do you continue to deal with the stress of hiding it and having it found out?

Thanks,

John

When i stay at the inlaws or anywhere i dont want people to know or see anything about my icontinence I do the above but I also carry some garbage bags to put used diapers in and take them home with me in my luggage so i dont use thier trash that could easily give you away, if you are not staying in a private room where you can change you can change after a shower, leave the shower running and use the sound of the shower to mask the sounds of a diaper change. you may need to cut back your actual shower so people dont get mad your in there to long. since you are staying its not unusual to take a bunch of personal stuff in the bathroom when you go in. and if all else fails and someone catches you in your diaper be honest and tell them the truth about your issues.. 99.999999% of people have some medical problem and will be understanding, espeacily family. most of my family even my inlaws know about my diaper wearing but i still keep it very private and do all of the above to keep it out of thier minds.

[DiaperNewb]

Well, let's see. I'm fairly new to this, have only been incontinent for 3 months now. As far as the inlaws, when my kids came back from their grandparents' house after I came home post-op, my daughter asked, "Why did grandma say you have to wear diapers?" I wasn't exactly thrilled, but as my wife said, anyone who knows the surgeries I've gone through and knows I had a colostomy for over a year probably figures I have to wear diapers anyway. I flat out refused to tell anyone about the colostomy, and I think that the only way I was able to hide it so well at work is because I work at a prison. If another officer asked about a smell (usually if the bag was full for too long because I had no time to change it or if the damn thing was leaking), I could just say, "Yeah, I noticed it too. I think someone's plumbing is messed up or something." I'm sure people wondered why I sometimes had a large bulge on my stomach sometimes, but no one ever asked. Going through security to get in was no big deal, because when my bag of ostomy supplies was checked it didn't seam like a big deal. How many people know what a colostomy bag looks like? Now I cringe every time a different officer checking us in goes through every single item in every single bag, because EVERYONE knows what a diaper looks like. Still, I haven't actually told anyone at work about it, and my uniform is thick enough to cover up the "diaper butt." The worst to happen so far was a couple of weeks ago when my SGT came up into the cellhouse control room where I was working to give me my evaluation. I had just been getting ready to change a messy diaper when she knocked on the door. She couldn't have not smelled it, but didn't say anything at all about it (and still hasn't).

Going to the store is a new worry when it's time to get more diapers. Because it never fails that I run into someone I know. Thankfully it's winter and I can just throw my coat over the diapers in the cart, although I did have my boss for my part-time job standing in line behind me a few weeks ago after the cashier had already started ringing up our stuff. Of course, the diapers were sitting there on the counter in plain sight, and guess what the very last thing was that he rang up? But, just like at the prison, she never said a word to me about it.

I consider my incontinence a need-to-know bit of information, and so far no one needs to know. I think it will be fairly easy to explain if/when it comes to that because I can just lift up my shirt, point to the huge ugly scars on my abdomen, and say "understand?" If it weirds them out and they don't want to associate with me, well, screw them. Wearing diapers in the US is still considered "taboo," for some reason, unless you are in your 70's or older. Which is why all the major brands (and most of the off-brands now) are going for styles that "look and feel" like real underwear at the expense of the quality of the product. So while no one notices the diaper bulge under your pants, they won't be able to miss the huge wet spot on your crotch or poo stains forming on your butt.

I guess I've just been lucky so far. I've had urine leakage from losing too much at one time or from losing small amounts throughout the day without changing soon enough, but those times I have been working alone in a control room so no one saw anything. I've only had one instance where I got poop on my pants, and that was because Depend isn't made for any sort of fecal incontinence anymore. I had a horrible bout of the runs, but I was at home so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. That was when I learned the critical importance of having leak guards, which sadly most companies are getting away from.

[raceguitar]

John I have to agree with the other posts. No one will know if they are not looking. Sounds that are loud to you are most likely not loud to them. It has been nearly 9 years for me 24\7 and no one has ever noticed or said anything to me. If anyone noticed they had the class not to mention it or adress it in any way.

No one ever notices the bulk, and in my opinion I would rather have someone notice the diaper than wet pants or worse. Better be safe than sorry.

Race

[steve in diaps]

I am still learning about these issues also and the ideas from the others may be helpful. As for me, on the good days I get by with reg undies or heavy pull ups. On the bad days sometimes have to fall back on the diapers. I always keep at travel bag in the car with all the supplies and extra pullups/diapers and change of cloths. I keep my problems to myself and with proper fitting pull ups and diapers, I have not had too many problems yet. When I visit relatives I throw in everything I need for the shower/shaving and nobody knows. For overnights I suggest underpads as extra protection at the relatives. Also try wearing various types of protection to see what fits and works best for you, for short trips near home or errands.

But before I gave into wearing protection I did have a Gal after several dates point out how many times I had to go to the bathroom and how much of a hurry I was in to get there. She already knew about my back problems as I cant hide the way I walk. I tried to explain it off on the medications I was taking only to find out she had a friend in the medical field that told her that many people with my back problems were incontinent and may have other pyhsical and medical issues. So sometimes others can find out anyway, If so just tell them the truth-- then hope for the best or just grin and bear it. At that point you will know who you can count on or trust and who your friends are,,,, or if they are still around LOL Now as far as work goes , not sure yet, Just started a new job and have not faced any problem days yet

Wish you luck, like to hear back on what you find that works for you as I am still learning to.

[gizzybear]

As far as my experiances go and more recently spending the past 6 months in a rehab center,prior to that because of an intern hacking up my bladder and nerves to it making me incon.I was very open with everysingle person that knows me.I remember the sleepless nights and all the stress & worry about the what if's or why's.Being open with everyone was for me the best thing I could've done because I believe had they found out on their own it would have led to some real harsh comments and more.Now being paralyzed and living in a rehab center at first it was difficult to push the button to ask for someone to change me because I messed myself they were great to me about it.now that I am home again everyone knows I am 100%incon. and I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by a ton of people that love and care about me,the fact I sometimes have a catheter and wear diapers 24/7 they aren't even an issue.People tend to understand I think if your open with them,it when they discover things on their own that they are led to draw their own conclusions and that could lead to some bad things being said.I hope this helps you out ...It works for me ,maybe it'll work for you as well,good luck gizzybear

[Horndog]

I don't feel the need to tell people unless I was in some sort of support group. I'm not that desperate yet.

[peterbilttater]

I have found out with my experiances that it is best to just come out and explain the medical condition and be honest. Most people are understanding enough to not make you feel uncomfortable and if they do than I don't associate with them. Hardest was when my five year old told his classmates and teachers right infront of me.God loves the young for they not know what the do and they most of the time are honest. It seems many are ashamed and shouldn't be. Which would you rather be wet and visable to the whole world or comfy and unnoticed? Most would chose the later of the two and not worry about it. Try to overcome your fears and not be so ashamed cause most aren't looking enough to notice and if they are they are not going to be a big mouth about it.

[KittenAB]

No one ever notices ... oh ... and I make no effort to hide it. I can't use clothlike garbage either.

[Dougie]

I struggled for months with telling my family that I was having incontinence issues. I worked up the nerve to discuss it with a close friend that I knew I could trust to protect my dignity (those are rare). He suggested that I just be honest with my family and tell them. After telling my mom and one sister I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest.

I have stayed with my sister a few times since. I keep my medical affairs very private while out of my own house. If I am visiting and I have any leaks of need to change no one is going to be judgmental toward me about it.

[fieldmouse2011]

I don't feel the need to tell people unless I was in some sort of support group. I'm not that desperate yet.

Me too. While I'm fine about the fetish side, there are still many people who will give you funny looks and associate your attire with a fetish when you genuinely have a medical disability.

I guess the real problem is that nappies are always associated with babies. If this wasn't so, we wouldn't have a problem and be writing about this!

[babytommy1981]

for me I never told anyone until something was said. like one night at the bar my one friend asked me if i spilt my bear in my self, as i didnt notice i started to leak alittle i said nope and ill be right back. after 20 mins or so, I came back, he asked what took so long, I told him well I have a medical prpblem that causes me to wear diapers, and i didnt check to see how wet i was and from drinking some beer i forgot and i started to leak a little. he was like O ok, well good thing you changed it before we had a major leak. I was like yup. and went back to drinking my beer, and he then said some thing very off the wall. he said you can cheat at the night the have free till you pee. I said O yeah never thought about that one. and he said on those nights ill barrow on of your diapers and we can get messed up for only 5 bucks witch is the door charge. and no one will ever know.

lol so yeah if something is brought up about it then explane other then that its really no ones buisness to know anything.

[lambcannon]

i hate to be redundant, but try adult onesies, especially for semi-athletic things like shooting where stance is important. like you, i have to wear them, but understand the fetish as well... just knowing that no one will see my plastic panties when i bend over, as well as having a nice extra absorbent layer, gives me the confidence i need to go to work, to the store, etc. then again i have had people offer me to jump in line if i'm soaking wet... but srsly onesies rule

[Bettypooh]

I haven't told anyone or been discovered yet But I'm quite aware that it may happen My siblings (and maybe their kids) know about my youth and the bed and pantswetting I dealt with then With them it's easy- just tell the truth: I need diapers again

With everyone else it's different: I need diapers or my pants will get wet How deeply I discuss this with someone depends on a number of things- who they are, how close our relationship is, the time and place, etc. I will go on with my life doing what I have to do- and wearing diapers is part of that If they don't like that I'll ask them to let me ride in their car undiapered and see if that doesn't change their mind

Bettypooh

Bettypooh

[iCrinkle2]

If you are going that much you might want to look into Interstitial Cystitis that could cause you to go that often and if you experience pain also definitely look into this

[AlliR]

I have been wearing diapers 24/7 for many years. Although it didn't start out as anything medical, it did end up that way. The bottom line is that if you use and depend on diapers it's now how you handle others. That is the second part of your question.

The first part is to use a cloth like disposable. They don't crinkle. I use plastic pants over them but the pants I buy don't crinkle either. Kins.com has a great "tuffy" pants that wear well, fit well and don't make noise. When used with Abena pull-ons, I know they can hold a good amount of urine and not leak. Disposables (especially better brands) have a built-in odor fighter which helps fight off the arid smells. If odor is a concern, DON'T EAT ASPARAGUS. That makes a really foul smell.

Second. If you wear one size larger pants with relaxed fit, I doubt there will be any noticeable underwear problem. For In-Law visits, bring a larger tote in bag if your not carrying in a suitcase. Have some things that look like they require the added space like a notebook computer. Within the large tote can go a few garbage bags, a bed pad and at least one Abena change. I'm sure you can find a way to have a change in your bedroom at the In-Laws. If necessary, close the door and lean against it as you change to insure no one walks in on you (assuming it doesn't lock). The garbage bag trick back to the tote with the 1st diaper gets done.

Lastly. Only if cornered or caught do I reveal diaper wearing to vanilla people. Then I tell them it's medical. Most people will understand that and also understand that it was private because most medical patients treat it that way anyway. It actually makes it that more believable.

Carrie Nations said it best: Everything with Moderation.