DiaperNewb

You know, interestingly enough, I used to dream about being in diapers and/or having accidents every now and then. But ever since I had surgery and have been in diapers, I don't anymore. I just realized that. Hmmm....

I always feel "the urge," but my ability to hold it is hit or miss. Sometimes I can manage to keep everything at bay long enough to get to a toilet, but often if I can't get there within about a minute it's going into my diaper. I had been having leakage after peeing for about a year before my surgery (like enough to leave a noticeable wet spot in my undies), but ever since I haven't had much luck at all with control. Actually, for the first couple of weeks after surgery, while I still had the stents in my ureters, I had no control at all and didn't feel it until it was coming out. As far as messing goes, it's pretty much the same story. Either I make it or I don't. It took awhile after surgery, but I finally got my bowels back on "schedule," that is, I usually go in the morning and at night. But even then it may hit too fast to hold. My worst incident so far hit me just a few nights ago, actually. I didn't even feel the urge at all until I was messing. It was mostly liquid, and resulted in my first "blowout." However, I'm still happier this way. I mean, I had colostomy bag blowouts usually every couple of months, and small leaks every few days. This was the first comparable incident in 7 months since my surgery, and thankfully I was at home when it hit.

When I was in the hospital following my surgery last October to repair 2 hernias and take-down the colostomy I had in June of 08 due to a ruptured intestine, my mother-in-law explained it to the kids. I would have preferred to tell them myself once I adjusted more after recovery, but they would have been told either way. We aren't trying to pressure him. He doesn't get punished if he goes in his diaper, but gets rewarded for going in the potty. It's just that what he said the other night brought up a factor I honestly hadn't thought of, and I wasn't sure if it was going to become a problem in the long run. He only just turned 3 in November, and boys are slower to get trained than girls, so I'm not freaking out or anything.

So my 3 year old is still having issues with potty training. He still wears diapers full time because he almost never tells us when he needs to go. When I got home from work last night, my wife told me that he did use the potty yesterday evening, and she praised him and told him that it would be awesome if he could go to the potty every time instead of his diapers. Then he hit her with the reply we've both been expecting sooner or later. "But daddy uses diapers." We've already explained (in simple terms) that my surgeries made it so that I don't always make it to the bathroom in time and that I need diapers in case I have an accident, the importance of being a "big kid," and that he won't be able to go to school like his brother and sister if he is still in diapers (but since he won't start until the fall, that threat doesn't hold much power to him right now). Anyone have some advice for us? We didn't have to deal with this with the other two, but it looks like it's going to be a challenge.

Yeah, it was a popular diet way back in high school with a lot of the girls. I remember someone asked this girl in my German class how she could stand it, and she said that most of it didn't really taste like anything, but that the cinnamon and apples was the best.

I never have either. In fact, I don't really want to go there. So I'll hand in a man ca- oh wait, I got rid of those a long time ago Actually, I would go there with my wife. Because she wants to go there, because she likes teh boobez. So she gets 10 Awesome Cards. But this will never happen, since she is afraid to indulge in her curiosities. So I get 1 Flaccid Card.

My wife and I have been going over this for a few weeks now. When we go to the store and I need to get diapers, I try to bury the package with other things we are buying. On occasions where I only needed to get diapers and a few little things, I'll toss my coat over it in the cart. Where we really got into an argument was a couple of weeks ago when Walgreen's had their store-brand on sale (they're surprisingly good). There's a gal I used to work with at another job that works there now, and she was stocking stuff in the same aisle. I wouldn't go get the diapers, I just kept walking around the store until she went somewhere else. My wife kept telling me to just get over it, that it was no different than her buying pads. I told her that it was completely different, because it wouldn't come as any kind of shock to anyone with a set of functioning eyes to see that she is female and thus needs pads. She told me that eventually everyone is going to find out that I wear diapers so I might as well just stop trying to sneak around. I know I need diapers. I know that wearing them is far less embarrassing than having an accident without wearing one would be. But, I think it's the stigma that goes along with adult diapers in this country. They are "supposed" to be for little old ladies and people with physical limitations/mental health problems that can't take care of themselves. Anyone else who uses them is just some kind of Jerry Springer Show psycho. My wife jokes with me about my "playing baby," but to others they would seriously think something like that. I'm a very private person anyway, and it takes me a bit to warm up to new people. And only a few of my very closest friends know me well enough to know that I'm TG. For the 15 months that I had a colostomy, I only ever told maybe 3 people about it, and 2 of them didn't understand it at all anyway. But I have told no one about my diapers. If there are diapers in my cart and I see someone I know coming, I will panic and try to hide. Because I am afraid. For some reason, having a friend or coworker know that I wear diapers is unbearable. I think it's because the society we live in has taught me to feel this way, that we should be ashamed of the things about ourselves that are not "normal," even if we require these things to live or if they are essential to who we are as individuals.

Seeing as how I work at a prison, I can totally answer this! Most of the guys that we have that are fully incontinent are the ones with terminal cancer who live in the infirmary. However, there have been cases of inmates developing or already having continence problems, and they get those lovely "hospital" diapers, which are the paper thin, blue-plastic backed ones like you usually see in a hospital or nursing home. They get them from the Clinic, and since it falls under "chronic care," they don't have to pay for them (yeah, it sucks, especially since most of us who are incontinent can't get our insurance to consider diapers a legitimate medical expense). Anyone who needs diapers would get however much would be considered a week's supply and keep them in their cells, just like the medications they are allowed to keep. If they had to go to the clinic every time they needed to be changed, it would be a nightmare, since there are many times throughout the day when no inmates can go ANYWHERE, and the night shift has virtually no inmate movement except inmates that work in the kitchen or laundry. I don't actually know of any inmates offhand who wear diapers at the moment, but unless they get classified as MAX custody, they'll get a cellmate unless they go to the hole. I do know for a fact that we had a guy come into our intake unit awhile back who had a colostomy, and he had a cellmate. There is also a case where an inmate is having such high-risk mental health issues (or because they are causing serious/dangerous problems), that they can be placed in a restraint bed in the infirmary (as deemed necessary by the Mental Health staff). They're also stripped, so they get some naked time, but since the nurses in the clinic really don't want to deal with bedpans (and since a lot of these guys throw/play in pee and poo anyway) they just stick them in a diaper while they are in the bed. **EDIT** You know, I'm guessing that most inmates who need diapers would just request Protective Custody, which is voluntarily having themselves moved to Segregation (the hole). Either out of fear of humiliation or of being harassed/beat up because of it.

Actually, the true origin of "mad as a hatter" is still an open debate. The process of using mercury to treat felt to make hats started in the mid-18th century; however, the phrase itself predates this as far back as the the 12th century. "Hatter" is generally accepted as being a mistranslation of the Anglo-Saxon word for "Adder." So it would be more along the lines of "mad as a snake." Hey look, I remembered a useless fact from my Early World History course. The Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland is insane, but he doesn't have any symptoms of mercury poisoning. Anyway, back on topic, I'd vote for food poisoning. The isolated incidents in which my wife had a messy accident were due to food poisoning. Same thing can happen to people allergic to shellfish.

If for whatever reason you are fortunate enough to make it to the toilet on time (or, for those of us that aren't incontinent, if you have no other choice but to use a toilet for some reason): 10 Greatest Places to Poop! No joke, I actually poo'd myself laughing at #3.

So I went to work the other day and was being processed in by security. I came in, put all my junk in one of the plastic boxes (field jacket, duty belt, diaper bag, lunch bag, stab vest, belt buckle, keys, and wallet) and waited my turn to go through the metal detector. The officer that was up front was a guy who doesn't work there every day, but he's there a couple of times a week. As he's going through everything in my box, he holds up my diaper bag and says (loudly), "Hey, what've you got in here?" My bag is a small zippered lunch bag that holds about 5 diapers and that's all I carry in it, so it doesn't weigh much. "Um... just some medical... stuff," I said, hoping I didn't look as nervous as I felt. "Man, it feels like nothin!!" Then, now that he had everyone's attention, he opened it up and looked inside. He must have felt that he tortured me enough, or didn't want to take things far enough to get himself into any trouble, because he didn't even open the bag halfway to check it or make any other remarks. What upset me was that he has searched my bag before and already knew what was in there. Yes, I know that every single thing that goes into a prison is subject to search. I've been working here for 2 years. My bag of ostomy supplies was searched most of the time, but no one really had any idea what they were looking at and never asked. Most officers just open it a little, thumb through it to make sure I don't have any drugs or bombs or anything in there, and call it good. That's all you need to do. It doesn't matter what is in the item you are searching. The only thing that matters is making sure that specific things are not in there. This was just being an asshat. It would be no different than singling out a female officer who carries one of those cute little tampon-carriers that look like a carrying case for reading glasses. Most people wouldn't even do that, since that would be crossing a line and would probably get them fired. Yeah, I wear diapers. I don't have much of a choice. It used to be a "why-does-THAT-turn-me-on" kind of thing that I never really explored, and then it became a necessary part of life. I could justify it as a need by simply raising my shirt and showing the huge glaring scars from 2 surgeries, one of which was an emergency which almost didn't get caught in time or I would have died. But I shouldn't have to. No more than I should have been expected to take off my colostomy bags to show where the gaping hole in my lower abdomen to show why I needed those. Just because I have accepted my situation doesn't mean that I want to openly advertise it. Yes, at some point I'll be found out or maybe trust someone enough to tell them. But even then, it will be on a need-to-know basis only. This bastard knew what he was doing and stood there grinning while he watched me squirm. I just wanted to cry. Instead I volunteered to work the control room of the cellhouse I work in, so that I could sit there and not have to deal with anyone (directly) all day. /rant

Okay, time to share my worst incident ever. Last April, I went in for a Sleep Study. They had trouble stabilizing my O2 stats after my surgery in June '08 when my intestine ruptured (diverticulitis). So I finally had the time to go in for a study. They hooked me up and I laid there playing my DS until I was tired enough to sleep. The tech woke me up at about 3am or so to put the C-PAP on me for the second half of the study. No big deal. An hour or so later, I woke up. Something didn't feel right. I reached down and my colostomy bag was full. Like, it seemed ready to burst. I just gently touched it, which turned out to be the final straw - the seal couldn't take anymore and it popped off my skin barrier. It was completely liquid, and it had poured all over me and the bed. I tried to call for help, but had never tried to talk against air pressure going into my lungs and nothing really came out. Of course, my readings were all over the place because I had woken up and now because I was in a panic. The tech came in and, well, the poor guy did the best he could. The smell was horrible. He got me some towels and I went to the bathroom to try to clean up as best as I could and have a little time to cry over the disaster. Meanwhile, the tech was changing the sheets in the bed, and I could here him doing his best to fight his stomach retching. Finally I put a new bag on (didn't have a spare skin barrier for some reason) and laid down on the freshly cleaned bed to finish the study, since I only had a couple more hours to go. I don't care if I'm stuck in diapers the rest of my life. It still beats the ostomy any day of the week. I thought being diapered would be more embarrassing, but I've had a much easier time since my reversal and need for diapers *fingers crossed* The moral of the story? Don't worry about it. They've seen EVERYTHING.

The only places I've found Chlorophyll and/or Charcoal supplements are Natural Food type places. I haven't seen them in any of the grocery stores or pharmacies around here. I wish I could, because "store" brands would be a lot cheaper.

Since I only make it to the toilet maybe 2 times out of 10, cleanup is usually pretty quick and painless. Toilet paper for most of it (or paper towels if in a public restroom), then wipes to make sure, and it feels soothing as well. Not that there aren't times that it just doesn't seem to ever end, but there's not much you can do about it. I'm supposed to take Metamucil every day, but it tastes kind of gross so I don't drink it more than a few times a week. When I do though, it seems to makes things less sticky and easier to clean up.

My local Walgreens is the only store around here that carries the Depend Fitted Maximum Protection diapers. I think they also carry the Walgreen's diaper, but I'm not sure. Both Walgreens and Kroger carry the Depend Adjustable Underwear (but they make a better pullup than a diaper, though that isn't saying much). Kroger no longer carries any real diapers. I liked the Kroger pullups, but then they went and had to copy the design of the new Depend pullups, which have no stand-up leak guards and completely suck, so now I get the Walmart pullups and/or diapers because they are the only ones left within 30 miles that still have the oh-so important leak guards (a lifesaver for bowel incontinence).

It is true that we got tacked onto the end of GLB, and that we aren't exactly the same group. It can get very complicated (At the root of my heart, mind, and soul is a female, but as I am attracted to females that makes me a lesbian). My wife was relieved at first when I told her (she had often worried that I was gay) and said that a lot of things made more sense. But she goes back and forth between acceptance and rejection because she truly doesn't know how to deal with the complexity of having a TG spouse. I don't particularly mind being part of a larger group (strength in numbers) but wouldn't be opposed to a separate forum. Like I said, we're just used to being included, but the truth is that the GLB community isn't always any more accepting of us than any others. In my own experience, I joined a local web group for Lesbian, Bi, and TG women. I have not come out to the world and still keep the real me a closely guarded secret. They generally only take Transwomen that are living as female full-time, but the moderator allowed me to join anyway. There was one woman in particular that kept trying to attack me every time I posted, so finally the moderator got the three of us together in a chat to sort out our differences. She hated me because, in her eyes, I was living a lie by saying that I wouldn't ever undergo GRS and that I couldn't truly call myself a Transwoman. She was a GG ("genuine girl"), but was in a relationship with a T*girl who had once been closeted. I politely pointed out her hypocrisy, and she stated that she essentially forced her to start taking hormones and live 24/7 as a female, and that soon they would have her "defect" removed. We eventually agreed to disagree (well, she wanted to meet me in person, which I didn't feel was safe for me and we just didn't say anything to each other since then), but the whole situation opened my eyes to something that I had never considered, which is that they aren't exactly thrilled to be associated with us and that sometimes we truly have no one but each other to turn to.

I still haven't figured out which ones are better. Pull ups are faster to change, but don't tend to hold as much. I thought diapers would be easier to change (don't even have to take my pants off, right?). They turned out to be more complicated than I thought. Now, if Huggies made adult diapers, then it would be easy. Pull ups leak more often, but when diapers leak, they tend to completely soak your pants and anything they're touching. Diapers provide a tighter fit and don't let as much odor escape. So yeah. I just go back and forth on what seems easier at the time.

As I've said before, my mother-in-law told the kids I would need diapers after my surgery, so there wasn't any need to hide it. That being said, I got some Assurance (Wal-Mart brand) Maximum Protection diapers last week, because I've been using pull-ups but I want something that I can pull tight to try and prevent leaks. It's more like a "real" diaper and less like, well, all the other stuff that pretends that it actually "looks and feels" like real underwear. So after I changed one the other day I was standing in the bathroom making sure the tabs were tight enough and that it looked secure, and my 4 year old son walked in and said, "Daddy, your new diapers are cool."

Aw, that's cute. There aren't enough plushie scorpions. My wife got me a Beanie Baby scorpion back in high school (still have him, of course).

Well, let's see. I'm fairly new to this, have only been incontinent for 3 months now. As far as the inlaws, when my kids came back from their grandparents' house after I came home post-op, my daughter asked, "Why did grandma say you have to wear diapers?" I wasn't exactly thrilled, but as my wife said, anyone who knows the surgeries I've gone through and knows I had a colostomy for over a year probably figures I have to wear diapers anyway. I flat out refused to tell anyone about the colostomy, and I think that the only way I was able to hide it so well at work is because I work at a prison. If another officer asked about a smell (usually if the bag was full for too long because I had no time to change it or if the damn thing was leaking), I could just say, "Yeah, I noticed it too. I think someone's plumbing is messed up or something." I'm sure people wondered why I sometimes had a large bulge on my stomach sometimes, but no one ever asked. Going through security to get in was no big deal, because when my bag of ostomy supplies was checked it didn't seam like a big deal. How many people know what a colostomy bag looks like? Now I cringe every time a different officer checking us in goes through every single item in every single bag, because EVERYONE knows what a diaper looks like. Still, I haven't actually told anyone at work about it, and my uniform is thick enough to cover up the "diaper butt." The worst to happen so far was a couple of weeks ago when my SGT came up into the cellhouse control room where I was working to give me my evaluation. I had just been getting ready to change a messy diaper when she knocked on the door. She couldn't have not smelled it, but didn't say anything at all about it (and still hasn't). Going to the store is a new worry when it's time to get more diapers. Because it never fails that I run into someone I know. Thankfully it's winter and I can just throw my coat over the diapers in the cart, although I did have my boss for my part-time job standing in line behind me a few weeks ago after the cashier had already started ringing up our stuff. Of course, the diapers were sitting there on the counter in plain sight, and guess what the very last thing was that he rang up? But, just like at the prison, she never said a word to me about it. I consider my incontinence a need-to-know bit of information, and so far no one needs to know. I think it will be fairly easy to explain if/when it comes to that because I can just lift up my shirt, point to the huge ugly scars on my abdomen, and say "understand?" If it weirds them out and they don't want to associate with me, well, screw them. Wearing diapers in the US is still considered "taboo," for some reason, unless you are in your 70's or older. Which is why all the major brands (and most of the off-brands now) are going for styles that "look and feel" like real underwear at the expense of the quality of the product. So while no one notices the diaper bulge under your pants, they won't be able to miss the huge wet spot on your crotch or poo stains forming on your butt. I guess I've just been lucky so far. I've had urine leakage from losing too much at one time or from losing small amounts throughout the day without changing soon enough, but those times I have been working alone in a control room so no one saw anything. I've only had one instance where I got poop on my pants, and that was because Depend isn't made for any sort of fecal incontinence anymore. I had a horrible bout of the runs, but I was at home so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. That was when I learned the critical importance of having leak guards, which sadly most companies are getting away from.

I had tried wearing diapers like maybe 5 times in my life. I was a bit of a DL before, but everything changed when I had my surgery in September. In June of '08 my intestine ruptured from Diverticulitis (which is how I found out what it was and that I had it). So I got to deal with a colostomy for 15 months, until I developed a couple of painful hernias that needed to be fixed, and they were going to take down the colostomy while they were in there. So I knew that I would probably need diapers short-term since my muscles and everything down there had been unused for so long, and on one hand it seemed like a small bit of a bonus to the whole thing. I figured after a few weeks, by the time I went back to work, everything would be back to "normal." The hospital didn't want to put a diaper on me, leaving me to poo the bed a few times (though it was mostly globs of blood). By the time I was released, I realized I'd developed an entirely different problem: I was having urinary incontinence. I was told this was due to the stents they put in my ureters (tubes that run from your bladder to your kidneys). I found out very quickly that you couldn't just pick up a pack of Depends of the shelf and be worry-free. Once my bowels got up and running, I was also having very loose stools. Had the stents removed about a week after I got out of the hospital (first time I had to take off my pants and expose my diaper to a stranger - the Urologist and his nurse), but the urge incontinence did not (and still has not) let up. I don't know why that is. My wife wants me to go back to the Urologist in case he messed something up, but having the stents removed was the single most nightmarishly painful experience of my life and I fear this guy like the bogeyman. The level of my incontinence is such that if I'm not, like, standing in the bathroom when the urge hits then it's too late and I'm going to have an accident. One thing that I found odd is that if I am active (like being up and moving all shift when I'm on the floor at work as opposed to sitting in a control room) then my bowels are quiet and inactive. But if I don't need to be as active, then I guess the bowels just get bored or something and start launching salvos into my diaper. I've always been very private. I'm a closeted T-Girl (my wife knows and a few very, very close friends who I trust with my life), and never share any aspects of myself to others unless absolutely necessary. So suddenly, I went from "wearing diapers once or twice at home when no one else is around" to "Ohmygod I just pooped my pants in Target and I have to waddle clear across the store to the bathroom." If you look close enough, you can see distinctive "diaper butt" outlined through my pants. I have to go through a security scanner every day at work, and the officer that processes us in has to check all lunch bags, hand bags, and my diaper bag when it goes through. I've don't know how many times I've bumped into coworkers at the store with a pack of Assurance (Wal-Mart brand diapers, they're like the only ones around here that have the all-important "leak guard" liners that keep the messes from escaping) sitting right there in my cart. There's no way I can keep this to myself anymore. Everywhere I go, I'm in a diaper, I have to bring my small zippered lunch bag that has become my diaper bag, and when we have errands to run all day, I know that I'll need to change my diaper at least once. And really... It's not so devastating. It's just a part of life now. Wearing diapers may be socially awkward, but it still isn't as noticeable, painful, noisy, or just f*ing WEIRD as having a bag of poo attached to your stomach all the time. At least now I'm not in constant pain anymore and I feel like a complete person. I guess I just have enough positives to look at to keep me going. I've also learned that companies who think that their customers prefer discretion (ie diapers that "look and feel like regular underwear) should be forced to wear and use their products in a public place. That would show them that functionality is the ONLY thing that matters. They make different absorbencies for different levels of urinary incontinence, but no one gives a crap (no pun intended) for those of us that have fecal incontinence. Really, who are they kidding with these "odor-shields" they advertise? Yeah, I'm aware that there are Molicares and Abenas and Bambinos online, but I need the convenience of being able to jet to the store whenever I'm running low and get my diapers right then and there.

The hardest thing for me was finding a product that works. There are several brands and fits, and while you can get recommendations and read reviews online, the only way to find out what works and what doesn't is to get something, wear it, wait for an accident, then hope for the best. Even if you get samples, you still have no idea if you have to worry about leaks,odor,shoddy tapes/tear away sides, or how much it will hold. Then, when you find what works, they will CHANGE the product to copy the new Depend briefs (which totally suck) and you have to start all over again. Good luck.

Yeah, mine doesn't either. They said it's because diapers are a "wearable" product. So were the colostomy bags and skin barriers, but those were covered. It's probably because sometimes incontinence just happens without any medical "reason." As there must always be some underlying cause, insurance basically hides behind the assumption that they can't prove whether someone (like me) is truly incontinent, or if they are just using diapers for convenience/lifestyle/whatever.

Hands-down favorite anime of all time is: NARUTO OMGSASUKEISSOOOOOOOOOCOOL! Just kidding. Actually, it's: Bishoujo Senshi Salior Moon. Sure, a lot of it is goofy, but when the story kicks into overdrive it's well worth it. No matter how many times they all die, they never failed to make me cry each and every time, and the villains were some of the most memorable of any series. Taking it a step further, my favorite seasons are: Stars, S, Classic, R, and Super S. Also, since I didn't see it listed (unless I missed it), Elfen Lied. Although the manga is better (but that kind of goes without saying for most anime). Other honorable mentions are Yu Yu Hakusho, Trigun, Cowboy Bebop, Slayers, FLCL, and EVA (yes, it's terrible. But it's kind of like a right of passage for everyone who wants to get into anime. If you can watch it all the way through without shooting yourself, you are permitted to proceed. But you are allowed to not have to endure The End of EVA).

It's worth it for MMX 1-3 alone, before the series jumped the shark.