You'Re Still Living At Home?

[boy ricky]

course i offered to pay, but they wont accept it.

seems like you have a hard time understanding that some people are actually ok with their living situation if they are still living with their parents, and that their parents are just as ok with the situation.

Remember your experience doesn't mean it is the only way to do something.

You chose not to live at home, you would feel like a mooch if you didn't contribute.... not everyone is going to feel the same way...

guess i'm just not sure waht the big problem is you have with people who still live with their parents.

Everyone has a different experiance. We have to be careful when making assumptions. I know I could move in with either of my parents and they would not want me to pay. I would contribute in other ways yet it would be my parents view that I shouldn't pay. Our idea of family is that we share what we have. My parents wouldn't ask or accept payment in most cases.

People that are still living at home have an arrangement that meets the immediate needs. Its an arrangement that all parties have accepted. Some people would not want too, some would prefer not too and to some its perfect for today.

Its not a mooch thing.

[d_drew12]

course i offered to pay, but they wont accept it.

seems like you have a hard time understanding that some people are actually ok with their living situation if they are still living with their parents, and that their parents are just as ok with the situation.

Remember your experience doesn't mean it is the only way to do something.

You chose not to live at home, you would feel like a mooch if you didn't contribute.... not everyone is going to feel the same way...

guess i'm just not sure waht the big problem is you have with people who still live with their parents.

Do whatever you want. I don't really care. If it works for you then good for you. I'm sure you've thought of it all and it works for you. You don't have to do what I do.

To me, it's not just about the living with the parents thing that made me move out, there are many other things to consider.

One of the big reasons I don't live at home is because I can better myself now and in the long run by owning my own home and there's no way of doing that living with my parents. It may sound messed up by saying having a mortgage is financially better for me but it does pay off in the long run not to mention all the tax breaks I get on my income for owning a home, it's less I pay to the gov't. If I stay in this house for 30years and pay it off, it will be like having a huge savings account, much more than if I would have saved it in my bank account. There'd be no way I'd have saved as much money as my house would be worth in 30 years. I can also provide much more to my children and wife by having our own place and I feel it's something they deserve. When we have children, they will all have their own bedrooms and a house they can call just theirs. All the decor, furniture, landscaping, everything in and outside our house is to what "we" want. Our tastes and personalities are in our home and when we want to do something different, it's our decision to be made. It much more freeing to me to be able to make all the decisions and be able to have all my own stuff. It's much more than just a living situation in my book. I wouldn't have what I have today if I lived with my parents.

Again, do what works for you but don't forget to look towards the future along the way and where you'd realistically like to see yourself. Don't get stuck and don't just live for today, look at tomorrow or even 30years down the road. Better yourself and your family in anyway you can. Just think, your children won't have the same oportunities your parents have afforded you unless you eventually move out into a place of your own, of course unless you grew up with your grandparents.

[baby-dandan]

I'd have to say it's nobody's fucking business! Why should I have to explain it? Anything I say will probably be argued by some jackass saying "well you could do it this way or you could do it that way." How about I do it my own way! I have my reasons and I don't need to explain! So to you that are bitching I say "Eat Me!"

[curiositykilledthecat]

I'd have to say it's nobody's fucking business! Why should I have to explain it? Anything I say will probably be argued by some jackass saying "well you could do it this way or you could do it that way." How about I do it my own way! I have my reasons and I don't need to explain! So to you that are bitching I say "Eat Me!"

I love you right now.

[DailyDi]

If I move out, my life becomes more difficult, and my parents loose their cable, internet, cell phones and my mom's car. Plus I own most of the appliances, the HVAC system, the doors... and basically everything but the walls and roof. A "family home" works for everyone involved and is our best option. Your situation is different... and fine... but not for us.

[Wakko]

I lived with my mom until she passed on 17 years ago; I looked after her for the last years of her life.

It was stressful. It changed me, in some ways for the worse. All the while I was well-aware of the idea that I was "supposed to be self-sufficient at 18 and move out", that has been expressed in this thread.

I don't regret it for a moment. My foster mom's biological daughter moved into Mom's apartment shortly after she got married. Even though she lived in the triple decker next door to ours, her hubby couldn't swing the rent (this lady, like her mother, loved looking after kids and couldn't possibly work in an office.)

My experience is not at all uncommon; with the poor economy these days, it may be the rule again. Be honest, unless you're extremely well off, are you really going to be able to get a mortgage anymore? Or keep it?

[sarah_ab]

Well, as i dont ever want children, and neither does my boyfriend, and we enjoy the living situation, and i already DO own property, then i guess i am looking to the future.

Sides who's to say in another 30 years the economy won't be much worse off than it is now and then your 'savings' account isn't worth nearly as much as you put into it!@ hahah nah, just kidding.

I understand owning a home etc.. its just you came across as being very upset and angry at people who still lived with their parents, as if there was something wrong with it... but then posts later you say there isn't... so its just sorta confusing then what the whole point of this thread was?

[d_drew12]

I guess it just seemed to me that pretty much everyone around me who currently lives with there parents or later moved back did it for, in my opinion, selfish and unjustifiable reasons. I guess I am just getting pissed at the people around me who have every reason in the book to not be able to move out when I know, it's within their capablity if they just tried a little harder but it's like they give up and settle. I have even offered help to get them on there feat, researching jobs, offering them jobs, looking into housing, whatever, and they don't take it. I'm not saying I have all the solutions for everyone but I get tired of the excuses of why they're in the living situation they're in and then hear the b!tching about their living situation. I also have friends who I know are just taking the easy way out by moving back home and I wish they had the stength and will to not go running back home but actually face the issue head on.

As the saying goes "You can't help those who can't help themselves"

I guess I realize now, not everyone is like the people I know and sometimes it is a good fit for all parties involved to live under one roof. There can be issues living under seperate roofs too!! I just get tired of a lot of people here who complain about how they can't be as open about diapers, don't know how to hide them, don't know how to get them, etc and they're in there twenties plus still living at home. I'm thinking, this wouldn't be an issue if you moved out or it sounds like a problem a teenager would have, not a thirty year old. If it's such an issue, find a solution. If it's not, then deal with it.

[daddybrian]

I want to be able to move out on my own. Been working a pretty steady job now for five years in a union owned busines. My earnings are so little there is no way I can afford to live on my own, even with roomies. That is the only reason I still live at home. At least learning a few extra new skills both at home and at school while seeking ways to improve my income. And yes, I do pay rent to parents.

[curiositykilledthecat]

The moral of the story is that there are several people on this board that need to get the f*** over themselves and mind their own business. People are doing exactly what they need to to survive. The thing is that if you are being a leech when you can afford to do otherwise then there is a problem.

[loopy]

The moral of the story is that there are several people on this board that need to get the f*** over themselves and mind their own business. People are doing exactly what they need to to survive. The thing is that if you are being a leech when you can afford to do otherwise then there is a problem.

This

[DailyDi]

I guess I realize now, not everyone is like the people I know and sometimes it is a good fit for all parties involved to live under one roof. There can be issues living under seperate roofs too!! I just get tired of a lot of people here who complain about how they can't be as open about diapers, don't know how to hide them, don't know how to get them, etc and they're in there twenties plus still living at home. I'm thinking, this wouldn't be an issue if you moved out or it sounds like a problem a teenager would have, not a thirty year old. If it's such an issue, find a solution. If it's not, then deal with it.

This part I actually agree with. If living at home is preventing someone from living their life, then yes - they should work to improve their situation.

[diamondback6881]

The moral of the story is that there are several people on this board that need to get the f*** over themselves and mind their own business. People are doing exactly what they need to to survive. The thing is that if you are being a leech when you can afford to do otherwise then there is a problem.

AMEN!!

[Rockies Fan in Diapers]

I was made to move out on my 19th Birthday, & My my parents Were in no means even there in an Emotionally Supportitive Sense, & While I even lost Contact with the only 2 of my Siblings that I would even want to have contact with for a While, I won't Have it or Want it any other Way. Because If I had continued to live with my Parents it Would've only caused more Harm that Good. My Biological Mother could Attest to this Because she knows Exactly How my Biological Father Mistreated Me like He Did. Right now I'm Spending Time With some very Good Friends not Because I can't afford to be on my own or Anything but Rather because I'm in need of Emotional Support that I do not Receive from my Biological Family. Now this is not to Say that it won't be tough for people who are Just Moving out on their own for the First Time, But I can say from experience, it can be Done as I am going on doing it for almost 5 Years Now.

Rockies Fan. Go Rockies in 2010!

[lilJester]

im 26 and at home paying rent. technically im paying most of the bills. i move out, she cant afford the house and goes homeless. *shrugs* and i may be known to be mean but im not THAT mean.

[Opie]

Having read all the posts in this thread, my interpretation of the original posters ideas are that there are individuals who complain about the lack of privacy or having to hide diapers, etc. I moved out at 18, working at WalMart making $5.25 an hour (14 years ago), and rented a house. Wasn't easy, but doable. I ended up joining the military when that wife got pregnant. 9 years, two divorces later, I left the military. I lived with my parents almost two years because it made no sense to live somewhere 1 week out of 3. My parents also would not accept money for rent. So I bought groceries, I cooked, I cleaned, mowed the grass, etc. I found ways to contribute to the household.

I have a younger brother whos 24 now. He just moved back in for the fourth time. The last excuse was so he could save money to buy a house. In the last two months, he's had to ask my parents to borrow money for gas to get to work. He does not contribute to the household "income" only the "expenses". He wants to mooch.

It's these type of individuals I feel this post is about. There are several people who've posted here whose personal stories make for a justified reason to be at home (not that it matters to anyone here), DailyDi, Abrera (I think), all the college students. Just my own humble opinion.

[d_drew12]

Having read all the posts in this thread, my interpretation of the original posters ideas are that there are individuals who complain about the lack of privacy or having to hide diapers, etc. I moved out at 18, working at WalMart making $5.25 an hour (14 years ago), and rented a house. Wasn't easy, but doable. I ended up joining the military when that wife got pregnant. 9 years, two divorces later, I left the military. I lived with my parents almost two years because it made no sense to live somewhere 1 week out of 3. My parents also would not accept money for rent. So I bought groceries, I cooked, I cleaned, mowed the grass, etc. I found ways to contribute to the household.

I have a younger brother whos 24 now. He just moved back in for the fourth time. The last excuse was so he could save money to buy a house. In the last two months, he's had to ask my parents to borrow money for gas to get to work. He does not contribute to the household "income" only the "expenses". He wants to mooch.

It's these type of individuals I feel this post is about. There are several people who've posted here whose personal stories make for a justified reason to be at home (not that it matters to anyone here), DailyDi, Abrera (I think), all the college students. Just my own humble opinion.

Definately agree^

Drives me nuts finding friends moving back home having paid rent and making it, move home to "save money", now not paying rent and needing to borrow money!!?? I think it will always fall under, you live within or above your means. The money that would have been spent in rent is now just more "play money" or they don't work as hard or as much so there's less income coming in so the "saving" diminished quickly with well, I'll say all friends I had do this. Only way they started saving more or working more is when there was more financial obligation put upon them that they HAD to pay for. It's a big motivator to pick up shifts, work harder for that raise, push for promotions, when the bills are stacking up. The less the financial obligation, the less many will work for these things. Just what I've noticed with my friends/family over the years. Also noticed shall I say "foolish spending" while living at home rent free. The "save money" suddenly became a cruise vacation or a large purchase of some sort that I knew they total couldn't afford. Had they been living on there own, owing rent, they wouldn't have wasted their money on the trip or large purchase but thought it through first and went, hmmm, nope, can't buy that or do that, have larger financial obligations. Again, this doesn't mean everyone, just something I've noticed that seems to happen more often then not.

[Rosy]

I moved to a different country at 19... I'm 20 now. I can definitely see the appeal of living at home for all the free stuff you get, instead of working 45+ hour weeks and worrying about money constantly. But really the good outweighs the bad. It's so much better to feel independent. I feel like my relationship with my parents has improved a lot since I don't live with them any more, which is nice, and my relationship with myself has improved immeasurably, which is even more important.

That said, I understand how difficult it can be to move out, especially if you have debt or are studying full time.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I moved to a different country at 19... I'm 20 now. I can definitely see the appeal of living at home for all the free stuff you get, instead of working 45+ hour weeks and worrying about money constantly. But really the good outweighs the bad. It's so much better to feel independent. I feel like my relationship with my parents has improved a lot since I don't live with them any more, which is nice, and my relationship with myself has improved immeasurably, which is even more important.

That said, I understand how difficult it can be to move out, especially if you have debt or are studying full time.

I plan on moving out as soon as i can afford to, which means finding a new job by the first of the year. Not sure why the young ones find it so hard to wear at home, it's really not. You just have to use some brains and lock a door occasionally. The people I don't get are the 40+ year olds who live at home and don't pay rent?

[d_drew12]

I agree with you Rosy, I didn't have too bad a relationship with my parents, a falling out here or there but yes, my relationship with my parents did improve after I moved out too and we actually found ourselves doing more activities together like dining out or having each other over for parties, dinners, games, etc that we didn't do as often before. Sometimes if someones always there you just take that for granted where as now we use our time together better.

One of the hardest things about moving out is going from having everything your parents have at your finger tips ie. nice big secluded house, all the pots, pans, dishes, tools, food, decor, etc. and then having hardly an amenity on your own in a smaller home with neighbors and noise all around. You feel like you had it all and now have nothing but those things were your parents and I felt like I took pride in what I started with even though it was hand-me-down items and free or cheap stuff, it was still mine. I've built off that and eventually passed things down to others as I was able to get new or better things and worked my way up to have what I do today. Returned the favor I got.

I can definitely see the appeal of living at home for all the free stuff you get, instead of working 45+ hour weeks and worrying about money constantly.

There is some but keep in mind, your parents likely have to or had to do this for them to have what they have today and be able to provide that for you too. Buy or rent something you definately know you can afford but also know you may have to work more to make that possible. Don't make yourself misserable paying for it either though, if you are, you probably bought or rented something you shouldn't have. If you do have to work two jobs, well, then so be it. Working hard especialy when you're younger isn't a bad thing. Nobody said 40hrs a week is the maximum, it's just what is though of as ideal. People like Donald Trump work about 100+ hours a week. Many successful business people or successful people in general don't work 9-5 jobs and 40hrs a week. Doctors, laywers, realitors, etc all typically make a lot but they also often work long and hard for it. I'd rather work long and hard when I'm in my twenties and build on what I have then have nothing in my 40's to show for or be working long and hard to provide for my family in my 40's. Work the hardest when your body is the most able. As the saying goes "I'm not getting any younger"!