You'Re Still Living At Home?

[d_drew12]

I've notice there are quite a few people here on this forum that still live with their parents or one of them at least. Now, I don't see it as a problem if you're going to school because you're back and forth for summers and whatnot and sometimes don't have a job. For those who aren't though, what's stopping you? I really don't get it why so many don't make the leap. People are staying at home longer and longer these days. I'd say to live your life like you don't have parents to fall back on constantly. What would you do if you didn't have any family to fall back on? You'd have to get a place, maybe rent with someone, whatever, but living at home into your late twenties, thirties, forties, it's mind boggling to me. Years past, it was rare to see that, now it seems to be and is factually more common. I guess many would say can't afford it, I'd have to live with someone so why not my parents. I have a great relationship with my parent and relatives but I like my privacy and ownership or I'd even take renter ship over being under the same roof as them still at 26. Talking with relatives and people who grew up in the 70's and 80's, they didn't have hardly a thing but still moved out at 18 or at least before their mid twenties. I think people struggle with taking a few steps down from what they're use to. I moved from a really nice home (parents) paying hardly a thing, to a townhome a quarter the size, paying a mortgage, with crappy garage sale furniture and a lot of hand me downs but at the end of the day it was mine. From there I got use to the payment and progressed up but I will say it takes a huge leap to get started. Seems a lot of these people who live at home, complain about it, don't know what to do about the diaper situation in our cases, want to move out but don't and have a million reasons why. I think if you want to make it happen, you can no matter what. Stop coming up with all the excuses, you'll always find one if you're looking. If you have an excuse, come up with a solution and fix it but know you won't have the answer for everything though. I moved out with plenty of reasons in my mind as to why I shouldn't be doing this but leaped anyway. Took a calculated risk. Nothing is ever for sure so you do have to expect some risk. Goes for almost everything you do. Again, think of it as you don't have someone to fall back on. If something happens, you'd figure out something. You'll have to take a step down from what ma and pa probably have but there's just something about owning or renting that even if it's crap, it's yours and that's a good feeling.

I think this is going to stir the pot a bit but I'm more curious to know what excuses people have and why they aren't moving out and maybe encourage some of those to do so. I will say there are people who have a truly legitimate reason that can't be taken care of or fixed by any means so I get that but I'd venture a guess, a lot are excuses. I know, I use to have them too so I don't need gobs of hate posts as plenty have probably already started them in their heads already. It's just a question and maybe this thread could provide some encouragement to those who have some excuses too.

Anyone going to take the leap soon or think about it???

[Guest]

For my 18th birthday, my mom and step dad got me a suitcase, and an eviction notice. I haven't looked back since then.

[PArms]

It's a learned behavior.

When my parents got divorced, my dad moved back in with his parents. My grandmother passed away, but my dad is still there with my grandfather. My mom took my sister and moved to Florida for a few months to live with her brother. I was stuck at my grandmother's for the time being. The hard part for me to understand is that I have no recollection of that part of my life.

My uncle lived with my grandmother until his late twenties. I guess it's just something that runs in the family.

But it's not something that was intended to happen. Couples don't get married with the intentions of getting divorced. You just don't know what's going to happen. I had a good thing going for me when the economy stopped me in my tracks.

[dhsissyboy]

ive been kicked outta my parents house when i was 19. Lived in my car for two months, then moved in with my aunt. Got kicked outta there and got a place of my own. Got evicted from there and had nowhere else to turn but back to my parents. Been here for two years, hate everyday of it, but i got myself deep in debt and have had a horrible financial past but am about where i need to be so i can get out on my own again. So for me its more of stupid decisions that led me to still being at home.

[tenderheart]

I haven't lived at home since I was 21, and before that I was barely there since i was 15. But my brother is a different story. he's 35 and living at home with no sign of ambition. *sigh* it takes an enabler as well though......

[loopy]

Money money money money. That's what it comes down to these days. To afford anything more then a bedsit you need a semi good job with prospects, which most 18 yr olds don't have especially at the moment. Be sure that everyone over the age of 18 wanted to move out. And due to the way our parents played the property market, its now way out of reach for most normal people to even think about getting a house.

I'm currently living with my sister, because its the only way either of us would find a decent place to live, and have a place to keep the dog . Its not perfect but then its better then living in a little one bedroom dump of a place (ok exaggerating a bit, but 3 bedroom house with 2 toilets and a big garden is better then a flat).

[fluff]

Money money money money. That's what it comes down to these days. To afford anything more then a bedsit you need a semi good job with prospects, which most 18 yr olds don't have especially at the moment. Be sure that everyone over the age of 18 wanted to move out. And due to the way our parents played the property market, its now way out of reach for most normal people to even think about getting a house.

I'm currently living with my sister, because its the only way either of us would find a decent place to live, and have a place to keep the dog . Its not perfect but then its better then living in a little one bedroom dump of a place (ok exaggerating a bit, but 3 bedroom house with 2 toilets and a big garden is better then a flat).

This really.

I'd love to move out, I want nothing more. But I have a job in an unsafe market, thousands of debt (dont ask) and house prices are huge.

Even to rent more than a studio would mean Id have to choose to go without something, probably food.

It'll happen, sooner rather than later, but not right now.

[Frogboy]

I moved out when I was 18... Moved into a shared house. OK, it wasn't a place to call my own, but I had my own room with a door that locked, so no-one ever snooped through my stuff and I had total privacy when I needed it. It was great not having to worry about hiding my porn! I was only on £5ish an hour and the room was £150 a month (inc bills). I had loads of deabt (car, credit cards etc) but that didn't stop me. I'm now 25, happily married and we just had our first child. I now live in a 3 bedroom cottage with real fires, garage and a large garden... I never looked back from moving out of my parents home.

I know people say money is a problem, but most people seem to want to move straight into a luxery apartment with laminate wood flooring and earth tones on the walls. If you start at the very bottom, and take it one step at a time, you will get there! Plus, when you're on your own for the very first time, it's a lot easier to keep a small room running well than it is to keep a whole house going!

[hidden]

Well, for me, it is either over $8000 for a room for 2 semesters or under $1500 for gas for 2 semesters. Scholarships don't pay half of the tuition. I have a loan now. I have worked at my job for 4 years and am still making 10 cents above min wage.

So for me, unless the money faerie comes, I am stuck.

[*mongoose]

I guess I was really lucky. I didn't just move out my parents house at 17, I moved to a different country. Though I can't really take the credit for it, I do pride myself on taking a leap into the unknown but I have a boyfriend who lives here and he has a house, a job etc. so I had stable roots to build my new life upon. I know I would probably be staying with my parents just now though if I hadn't met him, but my family wouldn't mind that anyway. It's not a good time to get your own place with all the money issues. My dad was with my mum until I was about 7, he would be 25 then. And didn't move out of my grandmothers after that until he was about 33.

I don't really see it as being a big deal, living with your parents. Though I doesn't really make for a good dating situation.

[d_drew12]

I know people say money is a problem, but most people seem to want to move straight into a luxery apartment with laminate wood flooring and earth tones on the walls. If you start at the very bottom, and take it one step at a time, you will get there! Plus, when you're on your own for the very first time, it's a lot easier to keep a small room running well than it is to keep a whole house going!

I couldn't agree more. Ma and Pa have it all and 20 year old Jr. wants to move out and have the same thing. Unless you got an inheritance or have a great job right away, not gonna happen. I had to sacrifice a lot to own my first home at 20. Quit going out to eat a lot, the casino, spending money on my vehicle, etc. I really had to cut back and stop doing a lot of things I enjoyed but you find things that cost less like drinking at home instead of a bar, renting a movie instead of going to one, accessorizing the house instead of the truck, you get the point. Also realize you won't have every movie channel and HBO like mom and dad had, or you may not run the a/c all the time to save a few bucks, cut coupons(like paying yourself to shop), or whatever it takes to save a dollar. It really built a foundation to help me move up quickly and be able to afford a much larger home later on. You really have to take a look at your budget and look at where all your money is going to. Anyone with even with a minimal paying job can move out if the really wanted to. I've seen plenty of friends do it in the past making $9 an hour. Another tip I got from my mortgage consultant. Buy the garage for the car before you buy the car. Meaning a new or really nice car. I now a lot of people that are 25yo with a $500/mo vehicle payment that live at home and say they can't afford to move out. Dummy, buy a beater or even a decent car for $2,000 (4payments), and put $500 in your pocket a month or put it towards moving out, rent or mortgage. Or maybe just buy a slightly used cheap car if you’re worried about reliability. They sell brand new cars for under 10k still.

I think the reason a lot don't move out is because of the debt issue. Years ago, you really didn't have that much credit so you weren't able to get yourself in deep like you can do to yourself today. Those in debt, make a plan, cut back on everything, budget and pay that money back and quit spending and adding to it. I've too often seen friends do this, move back home after living away from mom and dad and they figure they'll save a ton and be able to pay their debt down quickly since they were paying X dollars for rent and utilities and mom and dad aren't charging me a dime. It never fails, X money never makes it to the bank. They start spending it on other things because to them it's like they got a raise or something and the self discipline goes away they had to have living on their own. Next thing you know there not paying off any more than they were living away because they’re eating out more, hanging out more, and spending more on clothes and entertainment than they were before.

People with major debt, my advice, sit down, set up a budget, have a goal and when you are going to accomplish it, and the key...STICK TO IT at all cost! It will suck the whole time you’re on the budget say a year or to, but after a while you'll get use to it and the day you don't owe a creditor a dime is like being reborn and it feels like a weight has been lifted off your life that's suffocated you for years. It will all have been worth it. The missed outings with friends, no vacations, working overtime whenever possible, getting a second job, buying cheap food and beverages, cutting out the luxury items. Trust me, I know, I've been there.

[tenderheart]

Well, for me, it is either over $8000 for a room for 2 semesters or under $1500 for gas for 2 semesters. Scholarships don't pay half of the tuition. I have a loan now. I have worked at my job for 4 years and am still making 10 cents above min wage.

So for me, unless the money faerie comes, I am stuck.

Look I know jobs are hard to come by, but if you have been working at the same place for 4 years there is a lot of employers that would jump at the chance to hire a long term employee at well above minimum wage. Unless they're going to make you manager I wouldn't trap myself into that kind of situation. Run away!!!! Seriously though that is horrible.

[hidden]

i make between $500-$700 per month with $50 gas per week so...

[Dougie]

For every reason someone can come up with not to move out, there is a way to overcome it. It may not be what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear.

I was 18 when I joined the service. When my enlistment ended I had no money to even get home because I had not gotten my last check yet. I sold my stereo and most of the CDs I had collected during my time in the service. That was enough to get my remaining belongings into a storage locker 1100 miles from where I would be living. The rest of the money paid for fuel and food to get home. I slept in my $1100 car for a few hours when I was tired. I went back to my parents house for two weeks. I got in touch with two friends and we all moved into an apartment for 1 year. The agreement was that everyone kept a job. I took any job that paid. I didn't care if I made $2, $3, or $4 more than minimum wage. I only cared that it paid. We all worked 8+ hours and went to school 4 hours everyday. I left the apartment at 7AM, and returned after 10:30PM Monday through Friday. I ate dinner and started homework around 11PM every night. Saturday I hooked up with a few friends to just hangout or play cards and watch movies. Saturday night and Sunday was for homework and laundry/chores. At the end of that year I moved into my own 1 bedroom apartment. I got a decent place at a good price for a one year contract. At the end of that year the price went up by 20% so I moved to a smaller place in a less desirable area. It was still better than moving back home. I continued the 60+ hour work/school schedule for another year to finish my degree. I stayed in the same 650 sq/ft apartment for 3 years as I worked at finding better jobs and improving my position where I worked. I would change employment every 12 to 18 months to continue moving up on the pay scale. Eventually I got married and bought a house.

Anyone that says they can't afford to move out, isn't putting out the effort needed to survive. They are taking advantage of mom and dad, and they know it. What will they do if mom and dad suddenly departed? I don't wish that on anybody, but those people would loose everything because they don't know how to live without being taken care of be somebody else. Unless you have a mental or physical handicap that makes it impossible to work for a any kind of living, you are just as capable as anyone else to survive on your own.

Where there's a will, there's always a way. You just have to be willing expend the effort and give up a few comforts for a while. The benefits are worth it many, many times over!

[d_drew12]

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

| | | | | | | | | |

What he said above. Dougie, I couldn't agree more. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. There is just something wrong if you are making minimum wage or just a cut above it and in your twenties or worse even older. You are definately not trying to help yourself if that's the case. I wouldn't settle for it, I know there are jobs out there that pay better than that. Don't blame the economy, it's really just another easy excuse for many. You have to be willing to make a change and make the effort to get a better paying job. May not be a walk in the park job, may have to break a sweat. Sad, there are probably less qualified 16 y/o neighbors of these people who are making more than min. wage. Look for construction jobs, hard work but often pays well. You should also be working at least 40hours per week or more. Less is just unacceptable for an adult unless you can actually afford it or you're physically incapable. There's no reason you shouldn't. I for a while had 1 full time job, 45hrs/wk and 2PT jobs that varied in hours but wasn't uncommon to have worked 80+hours in a week sometimes 90+ depending. Considering there are only 168 hours in a week, I spent the majority working sometimes. If you're working, you're not spending, it's two fold. Instead of spending $20 on a movie, I made $20 so really it was like making $40. Once you get a job that can pay what you need, cut back on the hours or eliminate a job, but you first have to get there. I have a relative who's in his 30's who still talks about "gas money". I'm like WTF, you kidding me, what are we in high school? Take the teet out of the mouth , quit leaching off ma and pa, get a job or two or three, move out. If you are over 18 you are called an adult, so time to start being one. It's so worth it in the long run, plus moving out opens great opportunities for relationships

[d_drew12]

I get it for college students, it's smart to stay at home and pay off the student loan as you go and not wait for the big bill in the end. I get that.

$100,000 for a house though, that's a pretty sweet deal where I live. My 1/3 acre city lot cost that alone! No house included. I've watched some home shows and find it interesting how in other countries home come furnished with everthing. Here, you get the home and appliances, often not the washer and dryer anymore though since there are so many choices now and people are pretty picky about them now. No sofa's, table, lamps, chairs, rugs, plants, anything. Just the home. I also find it interesting how in other countries the washer is in the kitchen?! That's just wierd to me. No utilities or taxes are included in a home purchase.

[fluff]

Why am I still living at home? Well it's simple.

If I were to move out, I couldn't rent, I simply couldn't. It's a waste of money and too much of a hassle. I can't afford it either.

I think youve hit nail on the head, the waste of money bit.

I'm not a student, but my big thing for not moving out is the money as well. Makes more sense to me to live at home with my mum annoyed, paying a lower rate and getting debt cleared early like than going to the brink of my affordability by moving out and renting.

I could move, but I want it to be comfortable, not a stretch.

[Vic]

I escaped from home when I was 18, moved back in a couple of times when I'd left the current girlfriend. Only stayed about three months (long enough to get deposit and first months rent saved).

Parents got divorced when I was in my 20's, then I was divorced when I was 23, moved in with Mom for a couple of months in order to get another place to live, moved out, bought a beater to get back and forth to work. At 24 joined the army, served a couple of years, during that time got married, wife said she'd divorce me if I re-enlisted. Got out and went to school full time, and worked full time.

Wife ran up credit cards, so I cut them up, then she wrote bad checks, so I closed the bank accounts, then she took to stealing money from me when I was asleep. Divorced her and moved in with my Dad for three months, and re-enlisted in the army (which I never should have left). When I got out I got my own place, because I'd set aside money for a decent place to live when I got out.

Can't understand why anyone would live with their parents, my Dad wants me to come live with him and his girlfriend, he even has a apartment over the barn with it's own bathroom and laundry, but I could never live with him again. It was okay for a couple of months, but even that brought up too many memories. Wouldn't live with my mother either. Hell if I had to I'd rather live on the street.

Be somebody, not a leech, if it's temporary because of school, cool, but as soon as you can GO GET THAT JOB! Move out already.

Peace,

Vic

[sarah_ab]

MY boyfriend and i live with his parents. His mom is disabled andin the mornings we take care of her until her caregiver gets there. We both work full time jobs, make good money, but his parents enjoy having us in the house, and we enjoy being there. In many cultures generations of families live together all under one roof. If the situation is disirable for all parties involved i see no reason why there needs to be a change.

That being said, far to many people bitch and moan about living with their parents, how they ca't be themselves, how they can't parade around in their diapers, or any other choice of underwear with their parents there. In this case the situation is not disirable and therefore something needs to change, most likely the person doing the bitching and moaning moving the hell out.

[BabyJune]

In some cultures it is fully acceptable for several generations to live under the same roof. Economically, it is necessary in some cases. There is nothing wrong with not living on your own no matter how old you are. It can save the stress of having to borrow money and starve to live within your means. This economy sucks, and sharing lives with parents or other relatives is one very valid solution. jIf you are unhappy about your living situation, that's a different story. But no one should criticize or condemn anyone for choosing to "stay at home." Who is to say at what age an adult must "leave the nest?" There shouldn't be such a stigma attached to it. By the way, I stayed with my parents so I could save for a house. Guess what? I have a house and NO MORTGAGE! I am not a victim of the capitalist pigs that run the American financial institutions (that failed, by the way, and needed bailouts). I won't be in foreclosure or in bankruptcy because I was smart enough not to try and get out on my own until I was financially able to do so.

[boy ricky]

In some cultures it is fully acceptable for several generations to live under the same roof. Economically, it is necessary in some cases. There is nothing wrong with not living on your own no matter how old you are. It can save the stress of having to borrow money and starve to live within your means. This economy sucks, and sharing lives with parents or other relatives is one very valid solution. jIf you are unhappy about your living situation, that's a different story. But no one should criticize or condemn anyone for choosing to "stay at home." Who is to say at what age an adult must "leave the nest?" There shouldn't be such a stigma attached to it. By the way, I stayed with my parents so I could save for a house. Guess what? I have a house and NO MORTGAGE! I am not a victim of the capitalist pigs that run the American financial institutions (that failed, by the way, and needed bailouts). I won't be in foreclosure or in bankruptcy because I was smart enough not to try and get out on my own until I was financially able to do so.

North American culture tends to lean to the independent individual. Concepts like community are nice things but first you have to prove you are a MAN. Its too bad. My Mother lived with me for awhile and I with her another time. It was convenient for both of us. I guess it depends on your relationship with family. I tend to have a close one that is supportive, inviting and free.

[PArms]

By the way, I stayed with my parents so I could save for a house. Guess what? I have a house and NO MORTGAGE! I am not a victim of the capitalist pigs that run the American financial institutions (that failed, by the way, and needed bailouts). I won't be in foreclosure or in bankruptcy because I was smart enough not to try and get out on my own until I was financially able to do so.

Maybe too many individuals were leaving the nest too early and helped cause our financial disaster by taking on mortgages that they couldn't afford.

It seems that being in debt is the American Way.

[d_drew12]

Maybe too many individuals were leaving the nest too early and helped cause our financial disaster by taking on mortgages that they couldn't afford.

It seems that being in debt is the American Way.

The real problem is people took on more than they could afford say buying a 200k house since that's what the bank approved them for instead of buying a 125k house they could actually afford. Not living within your means and not knowing what you could afford, budgeting before you had the payment, are what got most of these people introuble along with the banks handing out money the person couldn't pay back and they knew couldn't. At the time, the banks figured, if the house is forclosed on, homes are constantly increasing in value so they wouldn't lose reselling it and if they pay, well, they just got a ton of money in interest, seemed like a win win but that's not what happened when the market became flooded with forclosures. Prices tanked and the banks lost big, they lost there gamble.

Those that say they want to pay off debt and then they move out, I've seen it before and you have to be careful of a couple things that can get you in trouble with that theory. You can over come them but as I said before, often the people who are trying to pay down debt, really don't pay down as much as they should be or could be by taking full advantage of the rent free living conditions. I've often seen the money they make go towards actual bill commitments like car, insurance, phone and minimum payments, then spent on other things like entertainment, then whatever money's left towards paying extra towards cards. Problem is most don't put the priority as paying off extra on the cards, THEN entertainment but the otherway around. They really don't strap themselves down to a budget and say NO, I'm not going out tonight. If they were good at a budget, they probably wouldn't be where they're at in debt, unless there are extenuating circumstancs like a major injury or something that caused them the debt. Not saying all peole are like this but I have many friends and family follow a path like this friend that moved back home, did good for a couple months paying extra towards the cards what he would have been paying in rent but then the EXTRA money started shifting into the entertainment column again going out with friends more, shopping, whatever, and bought a newer car with the EXTRA money and next thing you know, no more was getting paid towards the cards then it was before he moved back in with his parents. Now it's hard to pull that money from the extra stuff he's doing and put it towards the cards, let alone, cut it all out again to pay rent. I'm thinking, okay, you make the same money, were able to pay rent and your bills, to pay off debt moved home to pay extra towards cards, that worked for a couple months, now you don't pay extra towards cards, and can no longer afford to even move out. It's like a backwards cycle or something I swear.

The second one is about cultures who families all live together. If you plan on being a second couple living in the home then you should be just as responsible for paying half of everything and not leeching off your parents making them pay for the home and all the utilities while you sit back and pay hardly a thing if at all. Someone had to buy a house at sometime. If everyone had the mentality "I'll live with mom and dad forever" no one would ever own a home. Don't you think it would've been kinda strange growing up with your say married mom and dad, living at grandma and grandpa's house because your parent decided to not move out for reason x,y,z?

I'll be honest, there's hardly a person who walks into a house payment going "I got this thing licked", not being the least concerned about having enough each and every month to make the payment. Write out a budget, cut out all the "fat" and see what you can really afford. Don't expect to move out and keep your current lifestyle, it will very, very likely have to change but it's for a good reason. Keep in mind, buying a home is an investment. It'll be paying you eventually. It's a great write off on taxes and you can offen afford more than you think because of that. You build equity so when you retire or even before, you can own your home outright or downsize and take money out of your home to use towards retirement. Sooner you start, sooner it gets paid. Also, think about this, your mortgage payment 20years later is still going to be what it was the day you bought it concidering you got a fixed rate mortgage and you don't move. $1k/mo today will be $1k/mo payment 20yrs later. It'll be a drop in the bucket to pay by then.

I don't know, for me, if I moved back home or still lived with my parents, I'd still feel like a mooch. Even if I was paying some rent. They'd still be paying the majority of it obviously which to me means, they're still paying to provide a roof over my head. It's something I just don't feel they should have to do at a certain age. I should be able to do it for myself. They raised me to be an adult, time for me to be one just as they had to be to get their home they're in. Just a self pride thing maybe.

[sarah_ab]

course i offered to pay, but they wont accept it.

seems like you have a hard time understanding that some people are actually ok with their living situation if they are still living with their parents, and that their parents are just as ok with the situation.

Remember your experience doesn't mean it is the only way to do something.

You chose not to live at home, you would feel like a mooch if you didn't contribute.... not everyone is going to feel the same way...

guess i'm just not sure waht the big problem is you have with people who still live with their parents.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I love these threads. Unless you're paying my bills your opinion doesn't matter. I'm moving out as soon as it is financially feasible. I rent a room from my folks, no different than moving into a house with six other people. I want solitude not dormitory.