One Year!

[fairfaxdl]

Well actually its been 366 days because of the leap year. One year wearing diapers, or more accurately, wetting myself. In the last year, I have never held it. I have peed every time I felt like it no matter the circumstances or whatever. In the beginning, there were leaks and other accidents. (I guess you can’t really call them accidents since I let them happen if you know what I mean.) The point is, that I didn’t want to hold myself back and I didn’t.

When I started a year ago, I made up the excuse that it was a physical problem. But I told my wife the truth after about 8 weeks or so. There have been a lot of discussions about my choice and my wife has not always been happy about it. But she does accept that this is something that is a part of me. She doesn’t always agree with it but still supports the idea. It sounds strange but that’s her way.

I made a comment last week that I was coming up on the one year mark of wearing diapers this Sunday so she and her mom had an ice-cream cake made for the occasion. What kind of a woman gets a cake made in the shape of a diaper with “Happy Diaper Day!” on it? (Just to show how twisted she is, it was a white with a lemon and white inside.) It had one candle on it. No cake on my birthday, but on diaper day, she gets a cake. What a pair. (They wanted to get “Congrats on one year in diapers!” but it wouldn’t fit.)

These days I’m now dependent on my diapers. Sometimes I like to sleep in the other bed so I can wet the bed or I wear my sweatpants so I can wet them but those days are not that frequent anymore. I like wearing my diapers. I still do cloth a lot but more often I’m wearing cheaper disposables and baby diapers as inserts. Since I’m almost constantly peeing, I don’t have to worry about flooding a diaper. I’m planning on ordering some cloth pull ups and using baby diapers as inserts. Sort of the best of both.

But the main thing is that I’m happy. Really happy. This last year was very different for me. I can’t remember a time when I was this happy all the time. I finally fell like “me.” Sure it can be tedious but I don’t mind at all. This is something that just feels right and is a part of me.

There isn’t much to say. Things are routine these days. I don’t know if I have the ability to physically control myself or not. I haven’t tried. I just pee whenever during the day. When I sleep, its the same way so it is now natural for me.

If you have the desire, I suggest you go ahead and make the change. I would suggest you discuss it with others in your life and you make sure you are ready for the commitment. Not just emotionally but financially also. I think that if you honestly tell someone about this part of you and they can then see the positive change in you, they will agree it is a good idea. Yea, it may be a huge stretch for everyone but if it isn’t a sexual thing and you make them understand its just a part of you. I think it will work out ok. Maybe you should take it very slow but I think that if do what is in your heart, if you are honest with yourself and others, it will be ok.

I’m glad I made the change and was honest with my wife. She doesn’t like it that I wear diapers but she does like the new, happy me. She says it is worth the bother and weirdness.

So, its one year down, the rest of my life to go!

[Eric D]

Not much to say - well congratulations about having found some happiness in your doings...

I can't relate to you with this - 24/7 for a long time is something I do clearly not want / need... so I guess even as a DL I have troubles understanding how someone could basically willingly become inco-a-like and start depending on diapers in any situation, every moment, no matter what.

I would feel like I'd restrict my own life, my own freedom.

but that's just me.

If it is what makes you truly happy - well go for it, I'm glad your wife's supporting you.

About desires I have to partially agree with you.

If you can live your desires without harming others and yourself - I'd say go for these too... but think well over your actions, as with every action you decide to take comes the responsibility to handle the consequences - for good or for worse.

I wouldn't act on any desire I have, sometimes desires are "overrated" too.

[Repaid1]

Yes Congrats, The one Year mark, ahh how time flies huh? I can't even really remember the actual day I wore my first diaper. I do remember I was at or about 12. To think I wore a diaper around my young friends back then, and rode bikes and stuff while I wet right next to them. Kinda Freaks me out right now, but I was never outted. I noticed your DD Birthday is coming up real soon too! It's ashame that you had to find this love, so much later in life. But we see your making up for lost time I personally have been following you through your updates and have enjoyed your posts. I would ask that maybe you should reconsider the fact that you didn't get a cake for your Birthday, the way I see it you just did. (Think about it) It was your new "Birthday". How wonderful of Wife and MIL. Have a great Rest of your Life!

[DiaperBoyKR]

Congrats! I tried going 24/7 permanently myself, but only made it about 8 months before I decided to go back to "normal" life. I still do wish that I hadnt made the decision to stop wearing all the time though. If I could, I would go back to wearing 24/7 after all that I've learned since I stopped. I salute you for holding to your decision, and I wish you the best of luck. It must be good to have such support in your wife, especially with her sense of humor!

[fairfaxdl]

I think the cake idea was from my Mother-in-law. Thats the sort of thing she would do. About 6 months ago or so, she gave me a NUK 5 pacifier as a joke. It doesn't do anything for me but I still have it somewhere.

[Creepymouse]

Some of your early posts (one in which I seem to remember you saying it was a hassle and you hated it, but you weren't giving up) were helpful to me during my first three months 24/7 (yep, three months! ) I still enjoy reading your responses. I do have a question or two for you:

Were there times you realized your body had been holding it for a while before you noticed? I find that even after three months, I 'accidently' hold it for a little while before I notice and let go. Its getting less frequent, but it does still happen.

Heidilynn mentioned there are still times she (what is your pref on pronouns Heidi?) wakes up with an uncomfortably full bladder, though infrequent. I have this happen too often for my tastes, and I often have trouble 'letting go' at this point. A few drops dribble out easily, but if it gets to be full enough to feel, I have to relax significantly and/or push.

Did you 'practice' by drinking excess water to allow yourself more opportunities for training?

[fairfaxdl]

In the early months, I noticed that sometimes I would not realize I had to go but once I did, I would just relax and go. In other words, my body was holding it as usual. This would normally occur around early afternoon so I made it a point to "see" of I had to pee and to do so. What I ended up doing was making myself very sensitive to the fact that I had to pee. Soon I would feel like I had to pee even though I wasn't full. Then I would relax and let myself go. I never forced myself, I just relaxed and focused on the "I need to pee" feeling. At times it would start out as just a few trickles but it would eventually go. Sometimes I would have a full bladder and feel it but it was hard to pee. I would just stay as relaxed as possible and wait for it to happen. It takes work to make sure you are relaxed in different posistions or walking. But the full bladder feeling helps to make you go even if just a lot of frequent trickles.

As my sensitivity to a full bladder or even a partially full bladder increased, I would wake up more often when I had to pee. I would stay in whatever posisition I was, (mostly on my back) and relax and pee. Sometime it took a long time to relieve myself but I would just do it. More than once I would fall asleep while peeing. This was a good sign.

I made sure I didn't do anythign to "wake up" more than I had to. Just relax and let it go. It didn't matter if I leaked or not. Usually I would wake up near the morning with a full bladder. I would not get up until I was completely empty.

I usually drink a lot of water anyway. Sometimes with lemon or lime juice. This is a natural duretic I've found out. But I wasn't doing it on purpose. I would always drink a lot before going to bed to avoid getting thirsty at night. I usually get very thirsty at night. i also always have water by my bed.

I never "pushed". I just relaxed and let it happen. The idea is to condition your body to pee the moment it feels urine in the bladder. Make it a "habbit" to pee very often. Thats what my "rules" are all about.

The trick is to never, every hold it. And thats harder than it sounds. You just jump out of the shower and are standing naked in the bedroom and you have to pee, you CAN'T hold it. You and put a towel under it or whatever, but you must let it happen. The same for sex, usually I would have to pee shortly after I had sex. We'll you can't hold it then either. Any time you hold it, you are holding yourself back.

Remember, when I started, I was faking a physical problem so my wife didn't get mad at me when I would wet the bed after sex. After the first time, we always make sure I was on the waterproof pad or otherwise protected.

You really need to consider the situation as thought you CAN'T hold it. No matter what you have to let it go. Leaks or other considerations can't stop you.

If you sleep alone, you may want to try a few nights where you can really wet the bed. Put down a waterproof pad and some absorbent cloth on top. Use blankets you can launder and let yourself wet the bed. It isn't easy at all because the wetness can be very COLD. So I would have a few sets of pad and cloth to switch out as needed. This only works if you can do laundry easily. But it is fun to really wet the bed!

It really doesn't take long to notice a change in you peeing habits. In just a couple of weeks I was going much more often.

We'll I need to get changed and get to bed, its late.

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

[Creepymouse]

I try to avoid forcing at all costs, but there are times (after three months) that I can't just relax, mainly while driving a car. The majority of the time I do as you did, let go even if I don't feel the need, and certainly let go if I do feel the need. I have started to feel 'fullness' after only a short time, which is nice. I usually end up peeing very often, several times an hour at the least.

I, too let go at the slightest sign, even when not diapered. I try to stay padded outside the bathroom, cause I know I only have about a minute before I have to go. I haven't peed on Mommy yet (other than during watersports scenes before my training), but I'm sure it will come soon enough. I *have* soaked through my diaper and saturated my side of the sheets, though. I often put down a towel on the bathroom floor, or tuck my towel around my waist between my legs so I have some little protection, and I usually have a wet spot somewhere by the time I'm ready to diaper again.

I find one of my biggest frustrations, and it seems like it might actually hinder my progress, is that when I haven't had 'enough water' I will wake up at 6 or so with an intense pain in my bladder. When I am able to let it go (its almost like its 'locked up', I have to push to let go, but once its open, I can just relax) it is every bit as much a flood as I ever could produce. Other nights, when I am hydrated well enough, its no problem. Actually, I drank two liters before bed last night, and fell asleep about 11:30. Mostly dry when I went to bed, soaked through when I woke up. That's nice indeed.

One thing I've learned (actually, I learned it in the SCA about camping but it works here) is that wet does not equal cold. If you have the right combo of blankets, you can be soaking wet yet snuggly warm too. It takes a while to get to sleep that way, but it works. I'm tempted to drink a bunch of water and go to bed without protection, just once for now, to see what happens. Last time I went into 'training' I went six weeks in night diapers. At the end of six weeks, I actually wet the bed one time without diapers when I got out. Never happened any other time though. I'm hoping!

Congrats on a year! Make sure you take care of that wife!

[Three Rivers]

Congratulations Fairfaxdl, By reading your posts I see that your a very happy person now. And I really had to laugh at your description of the 1 yr cake.

Enjoy your years to come.

[DL-CanesFan]

Congratulations to you! I wish that I had the patience and funding to go 24/7. I think it would be fun at best and a drag(only sometimes) at worst. I haven't read your other posts, but I just wanted to say way to hang in there when you had to, and that I am glad that you enjoyed it when you did. Hats off!

[fairfaxdl]

Congratulations to you! I wish that I had the patience and funding to go 24/7. I think it would be fun at best and a drag(only sometimes) at worst. I haven't read your other posts, but I just wanted to say way to hang in there when you had to, and that I am glad that you enjoyed it when you did. Hats off!

The cost isn't really that much. I'm pretty much mostly cloth diaprs these days. I have some Abena Abri-Form that I'm holding on to. So except for laundry costs, it isn't so bad.

I'd have to check my records but I spent about $300 for a bunch of diapers and plastic pants. The payback if I was using disposable is somethign like less than 3 months. So there isn't much of an expense.

It really comes down to being able to handle the committment. It can be done very cheaply.

(I now have more than $300 invested in cloth diapers. Now that I know my size and style, I have enough supplies to go about 6 or 7 days without laundry.)

[BriGuy]

Congrats Fairfax! It seems like only yesterday you embarked on this journey. I too have started wearing 24/7 and it has been taking some getting used to. I thought I was going to stop at one point but kept trudging on. It really makes me happy as well.

Awesome on the cake! I love cake! LoL

~Brian

[lynniehyde]

Heidilynn mentioned there are still times she (what is your pref on pronouns Heidi?) wakes up with an uncomfortably full bladder, though infrequent. I have this happen too often for my tastes, and I often have trouble 'letting go' at this point. A few drops dribble out easily, but if it gets to be full enough to feel, I have to relax significantly and/or push.

Kudos on your commitment and courage, Fairfaxdl.

In answer to Cweepy's question...

I do, conciously, try to avoid "gushers", now that I wear 24/7. I mean, what's the point in holding it? So, I just let go. Whenever and wherever. Just because I can. And, I don't like "leakies". If you don't stress the diaper too much at any one time, you'll find you get a lot more "mileage" per change.

Nighttime, "seepygirltime" is a different story, however. I'm normally changed at bedtime, even if I have only a slightly damp didee on. I am amazed, sometimes, at how wet I am upon rising. I sometimes wake with a semi-full bladder in the middle of the night. Not wanting to rouse and hassle with another change, I release while still lying in cot and I'm back to the land of "Winken, Blinken and Nod". Other times, when the urge does not wake me up, I rise with a soaked diaper and wondering when and how it happened. (Usually after a night of prolonged partying.)

I don't like waking up to soaked sheets, but I guess it comes part and parcel with the package.

At least, I've a protective, plastic sheet over the matress, to keep the damage to a minimum.

As to my pref on pronouns? "She" works for me. Thanks for asking.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[DiaperdAspie]

I have gone 24/7 for a few months a few times about fife to six years back, but back then I have always doubted myself. Living with my parents the last four yours kept my nappy use to a minimum, partially since they diaproved and I would not risk a major confrontation. But since January I am now back in the UK to study.

I am now wearing 24/7 again since the 11th of March 2008. This time I spent some time thinking why I feel so much more relaxed in nappies, and noticed that I always really had 'sensory issues' with my bladder. Some times I would run to the toilet every 15min, since my bladder felt full (even though it was not), other times I would notice just bevore peeing my pants that my bladder was very full.

Wearing nappies (as well as feeling very nice) alctually stops this stress. I also noticed that I used to be dehydrated most of the time, now that frequent (sometimes very urgent) journeys to the toilet are not an issue anymore, I have started to drink more again (also because concentrated urine in a nappy is not very comfortable). I only urinate into my nappies, and use the toilet for big messes.

This time round I am confident about it. I told my best friend on the day I started wearing again, the next day we confessed to each other that we have loved each other for months, so my (now girlfrind) thinks it is totally OK, and actually encourages me.

I have a Spreadsheet with detailed stats of my nappie use (being autistic I love tables and statistics), and I have found, that although I pee more, I now need less nappies (they hold dilute urine much better, they also handle the near constant 'leaking' that 'happens' now most of the time much better than 'floods'). I wear Abena 'AbriForm Large Super' during the week (when I am in the University) and 'AbriForm Large XPlus' during weekends or other longer times 'at home' (days that I stay at home to work on my thesis for example). Over those I wear a Suprima No. 1249 over those and an 'Abena Bodystocking' with buttons in the nappie area over that, so that only 'normal underwear' is visible in case my shirt rides up.

I have since told my parents that I am going 24/7 permanently, they where not 'happy', but their opinion is something like: "It's your life, it is none of our business what kind of underwear you wear."

I dared to tell them that my decision is 'final' this time, since my 'most important person' is now my girlfriend and not my parents...

I have told a 'fresh' friend (who I have met the first time two weeks bevore my decision to go back to nappies), and several people I know over the internet. The reaction was generally very positive, but that might be because nearly all of thease people are autistic. I have found that autistic people are generally very open minded.

I basically told nearly everyone that is important in my life...

My life is going great at the moment. I am doing a 'Master by Research' course in the UK, actually doing something I can do well, instead of (trying to and never really managing to) memorize stuff that I never need again (that bit of the education system is just wrong, why is 'knowing where to find the information' inferior to memorizing the stuff?). I have recently discovered that the love I had for my best friend is mutual, now making her my girlfrind. I know why I do not socialise like every one else, I have stopped trying to 'work' like everyone else (because that was always doomed to fail) and now do stuff 'my way'... ...peeing into my nappies is part of that (and probably will be for the rest of my life)... ...now I know and accept that as part of my life...

[Guest]

I'm 24/7 for about 3 years. I'd rather leak than use a potty, hate them.

I do, however, still have my control. At least, I keep it maintained enough that I could go back to no diapers if I wanted, would just need some practice.

[spark]

For 24/7 users,

How do you handle the messy accidents?

I enjoy wetting my diapers and have found the once an hour theory (try to wet at least once an hour) works well. I avoid gushers and my diapers do much better.

Unfortnately, pooping is something of an issue. It's not that I don't want to, because I occassionally will load up a diaper for kicks. It is just that once I do, I have to change and clean up. It is a serious pain, and I end up thinking "Why did I do this?"

Ironically, I've had a few actual messy accidents as an adult, and have never actually had a pee accident. I always could have made it to the toilet.

[Guest]

For 24/7 users,

How do you handle the messy accidents?

I enjoy wetting my diapers and have found the once an hour theory (try to wet at least once an hour) works well. I avoid gushers and my diapers do much better.

Unfortnately, pooping is something of an issue. It's not that I don't want to, because I occassionally will load up a diaper for kicks. It is just that once I do, I have to change and clean up. It is a serious pain, and I end up thinking "Why did I do this?"

Ironically, I've had a few actual messy accidents as an adult, and have never actually had a pee accident. I always could have made it to the toilet.

When I feel uncomfy, or I might be bothering others with smell, I go take my dirty diaper off, clean with wipes, put new diaper on.

[DiaperdAspie]

Wow, now (44 days after going back to 24/7) I am wetting without noticing most of the time.

Earlier today I could have sworn that the nappy I put on about an hour earlier was still dry, but there was a consideral amount of urine in it already.

Well, already having daytime wetting problems when I started off, probably gave me a head start.

I have previously gone 24/7 longer than this, but I always urinated consiously bevore, probably because I was not prepared to wear for the rest of my life back then.

The only thing that bothers my slightly is that I now feel a constant mild pressure in my bladder region, as if it was slightly full all of the time. I leak all of the time, but when standing up, I sometimes lose more (this I notice, the leaking I don't notice), reducing this 'pressure'.

I wake up some mornings just about as dry as I fell asleep (well, the nappies don't stay dry long anyhow), and on other mornings I am soaked (to the point of having an AbriForm XPlus leaking a small amount on my bed (protected, so not much of a problem)).

I guess I will have to find a way to make sure that I will not leak during the night, because although I am bringing a protective sheet, I would prefer to keep my girlfriends bed dry when I visit her over the summer...

The main reason why I am now prepared to keep wearing nappies 24/7 for the rest of my life is, that I have analysed myself a lot over the last several months. Those tricks and routines to make sure I did not wet myself where quite effective (only one or two wet spots per month, but a lot more 'close calls'), but they did eat up a lot of my mental resources and caused a lot of stress.

As I began weeding out the more stressful routines to 'conform' (as an autisic, I have to emulate a lot of the social iteraction stuff consiously), I began noticing that this is one major factor. Since the importance of my parents in my life has decresed, I could now 'dare' to take this step (I knew they disaproved). Back when I still lived with them, I only wore once in a while, on weekends and free days. But I always felt this 'diapproving atmosphere' (yes, even as an autistic I can pick up emotional state of those around me, I just use different clues).

It began just like the previous times going 24/7. This time (at first) I classified this as an 'experiment' to see how much stress reduction was the result. When my girlfriend told me that (after an initial 'shock') that she actually approves of me wearing nappies, I slowly began shifting from seeing it as an 'experiment' to seeing it as something permanent. As I accepted myself totally as a 24/7 nappy-user, I began to lose control.

It is amazing having someone (my girlfriend) to actually talk about this, who actually encourages me. I was afraid that I might be bothering her with the topic (since I would talk about it a lot some of the time), and I have asked her several times, but she thinks it is OK to talk about it. Since she is autistic as well, I can be sure that she means this, and does not just say it to be nice.

That is definitely one very positive character trait that a lot of autistics seem to have, they look at the person, not the appearence. This might also be why we take so long to actually get to know someone.

[gbw_dl]

congradulations on your achievment!!!!!! one whole year, that is definatly something to be proud of, maybe one day i can achieve that too!

[PreferWet]

Crongrats! I think I tried to wear straight for a week, didn't last. I'm just a night time guy.

[bernie]

Some of your early posts (one in which I seem to remember you saying it was a hassle and you hated it, but you weren't giving up) were helpful to me during my first three months 24/7 (yep, three months! ) I still enjoy reading your responses. I do have a question or two for you:

Were there times you realized your body had been holding it for a while before you noticed? I find that even after three months, I 'accidently' hold it for a little while before I notice and let go. Its getting less frequent, but it does still happen.

Heidilynn mentioned there are still times she (what is your pref on pronouns Heidi?) wakes up with an uncomfortably full bladder, though infrequent. I have this happen too often for my tastes, and I often have trouble 'letting go' at this point. A few drops dribble out easily, but if it gets to be full enough to feel, I have to relax significantly and/or push.

Did you 'practice' by drinking excess water to allow yourself more opportunities for training?

Creepymouse, do you have some success into untraining your bowel?

How do you manage it, if you had to poop at work?

[Creepymouse]

I already had some serious irregularity problems, having 1-3 BMs a day. The main problem is that they sting and burn. I haven't had what I would call an accident, but when the urge comes on, I have to 'take care of it' within a few minutes or I am very uncomfortable. I've pooped at work about 4 times, but its trouble to clean up. My shop is extremely small, usually just me and the boss, if he's even there.

When I'm taking one Immodium before bed with my vitamins, it usually comes before I shower, and I'm happy to clean up from a messy diaper in the morning.

[depends4me]

For 24/7 users,

How do you handle the messy accidents?

I enjoy wetting my diapers and have found the once an hour theory (try to wet at least once an hour) works well. I avoid gushers and my diapers do much better.

Unfortnately, pooping is something of an issue. It's not that I don't want to, because I occassionally will load up a diaper for kicks. It is just that once I do, I have to change and clean up. It is a serious pain, and I end up thinking "Why did I do this?"

Ironically, I've had a few actual messy accidents as an adult, and have never actually had a pee accident. I always could have made it to the toilet.

I'm not 24/7, but when I am diapered, will use it for anything that comes along. The very first time I wanted to change in a public restroom, I took a laxative and drove out of town for the day, so I couldn't chicken out. Without being gross, the "consistency" probably varies among people, but I've never had a problem changing a messy (and wet) diaper. 5-10 wipes and I'm as good as new.