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I am a gay guy. Zero interest in women, either dominating or being dominated. Most modern western women don't respect men like they used to and I avoid them in all but superficial interactions. I probably wouldn't be gay 100 years ago when women respected and honored men and their roles.

Yep, I just remembered this was another reason I switched to confidry. When I was using the m4s, they would often send me the cloth backed by mistake, and I really didnt have a good experience with them. I still have several cases sitting in my garage. Probably I should just donate them, but I guess on hot summer days they might be ok.

I get confidry from the VA. I used to get M4s, but with them constantly threatening to discontinue, as well as being slowly worse quality, I decided to switch. As long as you have documented incontinence they will easily provide you with cheap products. If you want something better, it wont be easy, but here is the general process. First you have to try all the available products the VA carries (called formulary products). Then you have to tell them that they dont meet your needs and why (skin rash, leaks, etc). Then you have to be persistent and self-advocate. It takes me usually several weeks or more and lots of emails/visits. Be very nice, but dont accept no for an answer. Start with your provider. If that fails, talk to the pharmacy. If that doesnt work, go to the patient advocate. It helps to be brutally honest and explain in embarrasing terms why you need the better product. In my case I told them I tried several diapers on my own and Confidry was the best. Some VAs are harder than others, and sometimes you just run into lazy or uncaring people. But if you are very persistent, eventually they will give you what you want if for no other reason than to make you go away. Just make sure whatever you ask for is something you will be happy with, because it can be very tiring and frustrating doing this. After I switched to confidry, there was an adjustment period I had to go through, because they are a serious diaper, and not too discreet either. But Im stuck with them now, and more or less adjusted to them. You can get cloth too, but Ive never done it. There was once a site that provided cloth diapers to the VA (angelfluff?), but I dont know anymore. There is/was a veteran on this site who got them. Maybe try a search. Just make sure you want what you ask for, because then you are stuck with them for awhile.

Confidry 24/7 works for me. Side/stomach sleeper. Otherwise I'd say try cloth. Abena M4 also works 80% of the time.

I have a friend (female) who is in college in CA. She visits here, OR, and when she has to go, she literally just drops her pants and pees on the grass. Never seen her poo, but saw her pee in the middle of campus with like 100 people around, not even trying to hide. Her logic is animals do it, so why can't I?

Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling better today, even though not much has changed. I did start trying to hug each other several times a day, and try to give each other massages more often. It helps, physical touch is important, and I am aware that I learned from my busy single mom to be rather cold and aloof. So intawmacy does not come natural to me, but maybe I can make it a habit.

I have a similar story. Lifelong DL. In 2002, was injured on active duty, and 8 surgeries later was left incontinent after the final one (sphincterotomy). Still a DL, but the sexual part is less now.

I live with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. We met on Diapermates or some such site, and it really started around diapers, not love. We actually met 8 years ago, dated and broke up twice, and now have dated and lived together for the last 3.

I used to get a kick when I lived in the college dorm, and two girl friends would come over and say, "I dont know what it is, but I just love the smell of your room".

Id take a look at the wellness brand.

How lame that so many people decide to go on a witch hunt over a harmless post.

Plastic pants were designed for cloth diapers.

I believe that many of the cheapest diapers have little to no sap.

Brian dear, How many times do I have to tell you? You do not need a third external sphincterotomy. What you need at this point, and what you probably always needed was a bladder neck incision. I had identical symptoms, and also went through 8 surgeries, just as you are apparently doing. Your problem at this point is obvious to me, the internal sphincter. Hugs...

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I just got some in and tested them yesterday. Initial impression is very good. Excellent diaper all around. I'm not convinced that they have more capacity than an Abena m4, but they are close. What really impresses me is their ability to wick urine quickly and use the whole pad. And they seem to be as nearly leak proof as a diaper can be. Also the plastic backing is really superb. You don't have to tape them on very tight, as it just doesn't seem to stretch out like some do. I wore one last night and through the morning for about 12 hours, and it was just as tight as when I first put it on. The actual padding is a little stiff, kind of like a dry 24/7, but the dry's almost always seem to leak on me. Not so with Northshore, I deliberately tried to make it leak, and it just didn't seem possible. I'd say that these are overall a front-runner in premium diapers, and I'm rather surprised that more people don't know about them. Give them a try, I doubt you'll regret it.

I like to wrap a kleenax around my groin and go all day in it. It's far superior to a pull-up.

Not trying to beat a dead horse, but the way you describe it was exactly how it was for me. I had 3 fluoroscopy's, and about 8 scopes, and it wasn't until 2 years of such madness that one doctor said, "oh, your internal sphincter is extremely narrowed." It was literally my 6th urologist who figured this out. Every prior one had me convinced that it was my external sphincter. However 3 rounds of botox did very little, even though on the last injection they used double the recommended amount. Urologists are used to seeing spinal cord injuries, and often the problem for them centers around the external sphincter. I had 5 of them tell me that was my problem, when in fact it never was. Urologists are not geniuses. I have gone back over all my studies, and even a layman such as myself could deduce that the external sphincter was not contracting when the bladder was. In fact, my external sphincter doesn't even work very well at all. I believe that the nerves to it was damaged during my injury, and over time the internal sphincter over-compensated by narrowing, and the bladder hypertrophied something fierce. So for me at least, it was a battle between the bladder and internal, trying to both be the strongest, which ultimately was destroying my kidneys. Before the BN resection, I was able to void about .5 ml per second, and after it went up to over 27 ml per second. Talk about a big difference! But I guess the point I'm making is don't rely on urologists to get it right. I went through years of misdiagnoses.

It is a shame to see one of the best incontinence products ever discontinued. I wrote them a letter expressing my frustration and disappointment. They lost a long time loyal customer.

Brian, from knowing your history, I still think that there is a high chance that you have an obstructed bladder neck =) Just my two cents. Our history is very nearly the same, though I didn't get the external sphincterotomy, I did get 3 botox injections in the sphincter. Wasn't until I got the bladder neck that I saw any great improvement.

31/32 W. Fits like a charm.

I was a regular bedwetter until about 14, but I was extremely conscious of it, and not even my parents knew. Even w/o protection of any sort I somehow slipped by everybody's attention.

They leak for me somewhat, way before they get saturated. I have a friend who finds the same. They are an awesome diaper otherwise, but leak around the legs more easily than they should.