tcc

Coming to Vegas for a symposium in Feb. 16-18, 2011. Don't want to carry supplies with me on plane. Good places in Vegas to buy supplies or would you suggest sending a package of supplies to myself at Caesar's Palace?

I would suggest you expand your parameters to include MICHIGAN. Lots of peeps in the Southeast MI area. Those of us on the west side of the state are a much smaller population...

Just like Betty Pooh, you, Curiosity, are amazing of mind sometimes. For a youngun' or newbie, if they would show some patience, and peruse the forums and what "the regulars", as well as members - let's put it THIS way, older than THEMSELVES - have to say, it WOULD be a "welcoming" community as well as a welcome "find" for them to have this site available and to come to. There are some fine fine well-adjusted members at this site. And, for the underlying theme, it's just diapers! LOL Welcoming or not, it's a matter of perception in that regard. Regardless, this site and "community" IS here. When I think back[here we go... ] to what I had to work with - or NOT - when I began MY quest and journey to find that I was not alone - a community - and that I wasn't mentally ill with my "leanings", it was not easy. I wouldn't trade it, but the prospective members of today have it pretty easy and good. My two cents, now four cents, with inflation... LOL

Just what our community needs...MORE idiocity regarding and relating to perception TOWARD our community and its members. OMG. REGARDLESS if it's a spoof or not...

Excuse me. I'd just as soon know who I'm "up against" or, at least, what mental state I might be dealing with in making a reply. Just like each person has to find happiness from within, FIRST, feeling comfortable here takes getting a feel for the site, learning the protocol, recognizing and following the etiquette of the site, and assimilating in, rather than "barging in". I won't even go there as far as saying be responsible, not acting "infantile" versus "adult" at a "diaper site"... As compared to other sites, that's one thing I like about Daily D forums - the diversity and number of sub-forums. It may get like "splitting hairs" or threads keep repeating, but this site allows members to get very specific versus overly general, which may or may not be on thread or appropriate for a particular forum or sub-forum. If a "youth" forum or sub-forum is set up, I'm not so sure about more moderation - let the kiddies fight it out and flame each other - maybe some header with that forum that if it gets too heated, a "complaint department" may be contacted. And, maybe such a forum/sub-forum will let the HNGs weed themselves out and send them away... The sad thing would/will be that those same HNGs, with their own little world/space to habitate will chase of any number of well-meaning, well-intentioned, naive females - AB, DL or Incon - right off of the site, maybe never to return to a safe, interesting, fun site to come to and be a part of... Daily D does a great job, for the most part. I'm appreciative it's here and I can be comfortable here AND a part of it. Makes MY life a lot more fulfilling! As an older member, it's wonderful to see the wide range of ages in the membership, and the repartee within that membership. The longer a person is here, the better and the more they integrate. Sometimes a person just has to let the process work...

Welcoming community, eh? I tried to chat after a long time only checking in infrequently. Some paranoid kid, just barely over legal age(as I see he just had a birthday and what birthday it was) seemed to rule the chat room. And, it turned other people away from chatting with ME. However, I was looking for beyond "goo-goo, ga-ga" chat, something intelligent once in a while, and it chased me away. I simply was NOT going to put up with that. Everybody is pretty well safe hidden behind their computer monitors. And, sure, the hacker types COULD track members down by an IP address, and make life miserable, but the reality is that most of the membership is friendly, and pretty much in the same boat, NOT vindictive. Peeps are looking for acceptance, encouragement, and comraderie, hoping to discover they AREN'T crazy, abnormal and sociopaths. Chat rooms talk about asking to PM before PMing. One other message ought to be for new members, regardless of the age, is LEARN the chat protocol, and get a sense of the rhythm of the room before just jumping in. That would make asking questions a lot easier and a welcome come more quickly. Other than that, younger members and newbies need to have some adult intelligence and patience. Virtually everything they seek is right here! They just have to dial into it. Oh, and lest we lose it all, membership HAS to be of legal age, and not infiltrated by a bunch of underage teens and children. We all have been connected, and I'd hate to see a "house of cards" come tumbling down because the Feds have descended upon the ownership and management, and has got an eye on everybody who has posted a profile. When it becomes obvious someone is underage, they NEED to be chased and banned, to protect those of us who ARE legal age, and have come here and connected with full consent. That, I prize - the site, and need to NOT be worried about potential repurcussions FOR being here and a member...

Well, the only work today is some cleanup with snow, especially where the snowplows cleared the street into the driveways... However, went to church in the diapers I wore to bed, Cialis still had me plenty aroused early, and my bowels were nagging me, though my bladder was comfortably empty. Came home and "the little soldier" was allowed - welcomed, actually - to "come out and play" - from one warm wet environment, directly to another, very special warm, wet environment. The interaction was with me diapered. Yowza. Thank you, Honey. Of course, my bowels were still nagging me, but Honey wanted to go out for breakfast. So, I got diapered up for a while, and we went to breakfast. Bowels still nagging at me and had held off. Got home and got out of the disposables and got into cloth. Would be set for an afternoon of snowblowing and snowplowing WITH a loaded diaper! No more than got into my "bundling" and I could not hold of nature any longer! Mmmmmmmmm. Odor wasn't too bad, so I'm off to the outside world - and what better way to go out, with ski bibs on and a full diaper. Now THAT's the way to work into Sunday!

I don't think it could be said much better. Kinda covers a wide spectrum here! Thanks, Sarah. You are very wise and have, like I have, to a very comfortable place in your life.

Not every Saturday or weekend morning is free. Some weekends I have to work. However, when I don't have to work and don't have anything pressing, my favorite thing to do is get into some fresh cloth diapers if I haven't worn them overnight, in which case they will be wet, and plan on enjoying a refreshing BM and wearing it for as long as I can into the day. If I don't have a lot to do, I can stay home and enjoy myself. Occasionally, if there is not too much "aroma", I might take a drive to the post office and collect my mail with messy pants. Sometimes, weather permitting, I will amble outside and do yardwork discreetly "bundled" and messy. Ah, the pleasures that can be experienced by a DL...

I think that a lot of the divide is over the perception that the AB/DL world is not acceptable, because of diapers, which are related to infants - not so much "infancy" - and ANYTHING related to infants by adults screams "pedophile". Since BDSM is more linked to other things, like crime & punishment, torture related to war and warfare, it is "out there" all by itself already. That spectrum of "fetishists" or "kinksters" doesn't relate the dominance and submission or control aspect of using the diaper as a prop in a "scene". It's all in perception. Actually, if I want to or can incorporate some sort of B & D that I enjoy into my DL side/life/world, great for me. It's MY thing. If the BDSM world can't accept diapers/diapering as a legitimate aspect of THEIR scene, too bad. I don't need their acceptance and/or approval to enjoy myself, and I would simply ignore anyone putting ME down for my leanings and preferences. What somebody ELSE things about ME is the least of my concerns... I continue to enjoy myself, and have, regardless...

What I love most about this site and being an avowed DL is the forums and active membership in dealing with their "diaperism". What BettyPooh said. It is what it is and it is what YOU make it. If you view what you do/think as a fetish, that's how you will deal with it. If I know that I am a DL, and am comfortable with that, and it impacts no one else negatively, so be it. That's MY thing in MY way. For the most part, if all the membership could come to a point of acceptance and comfort with WHO they are and HOW they are, there'd be far less stress circulating through the members and their minds. However, the reality IS that every member has to have their own learning curve to get where they want and need to be. Watching growth across the board is a real rush sometimes. I wouldn't trade MY DL side/life/world for anything, and you couldn't offer me enough money to get me to try to eradicate it from my mind/life!

Potty training is the first and strongest brain washing a human being is subjected to at a very young, tender and impressionable age. Most babies/toddlers, whether they are difficult to train, or resist it, still want to please Mommy or their parent(s) so eventually "buy in" to the praise and goading associated with learning how to use the toilet when urge to eliminate is felt. Given the choice, and maybe it's because of tactile sensation and stimulation, little boys seem less anxious to give up diapers and messing them. For little girls, fecal material comes in close contact with a very sensative area that's already prone to infection over a lifetime. We've been brainwashed that a BM is to be done only into a toilet and that fecal material is "soil" or "dirty". Basically, feces is undigested food, and it's a miracle that our bodies can use what is needed and get rid of the rest. For an infant, there can be anxiety with BMs as they may feel that "a part of them" is being required to be gotten rid of into a toilet and whisked away. For most adults, inons, notwithstanding, choosing to have a BM into ones diapers does take a conscious effort. A regime of chlorophyll tablets, Odor Ease(a product made with mushroom extract) and Nullo can do wonders toward reducing the normal fecal odor - which depends largely upon what has been consumed, and red meat, especially, tends to produce a great portion of recognizable odor - which, besides cleanup "mess", seems to hold back a great many DLs and ABs from enjoying the natural act of a BM, into and trapped by a diaper, versus whisking it away in a toilet. I could go on an on, what it feels like, how it makes me feel, etc. But, a good start is to prepare for the odor and cleanup, plan on a time to give it a try, regulate food intake(as this will contribute to the consistancy of the BM) and avoid laxatives, as this may lead to some sort of "blow out", which can be unexpected, uncontrolled and very uncomfortable, as well as messy. Making a conscious and controlled effort to fill your diaper, on your time, and in your way, without time constraints is a way to explore it, experience it, make it less a fearful situation, and lead to less resistance to "soiling". After all, it's just DIAPERS. And, you're already IN a diaper, wetting it. Why waste a perfectly good, relaxing(to have one) BM, and the delightful "turmoil" dealing with a load in ones pants can bring? LOL You've chosen to wear diapers. That's what they're for. And, IMHO, anyone who diapers up and doesn't endure and then try to ENJOY a BM once in a while is missing something unique as an adult, and especially as a DL or AB. Of course, living situations and time constraints can have a lot to do with a person's ability to "indulge". But, that can get worked around, too...

I must be really old. What is "gunge"?

Balance comes with acceptance. Accepting oneself the way one is is the biggest impediment to happiness people seek in the DL/AB community. Most constantly chide and browbeat themselves because they, themselves, don't accept their leanings and fetishism, and, like society, feel THIS desire/urge - diapers - is ABnormal, sick, and maybe wrong. Yes, you can always "diaper up" once you are back home. However, just like I can't wear diapers into the pool at the YMCA when I swim, and don't NEED a "swim diaper", because I'm not incontinent, I CAN get out of my discreetly worn and now wet diapers in a handicapper stall before I swim and get "diapered up" back in that stall before I head home. Duffle bags can contain more than just "street clothes" and shaving gear! And, other activities outside the home may not be the easiest to deal with while diapered, but, what if you WERE a true incon? You'd be in diapers doing EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE, and simply do it. I got over any anxiety about wanting or needing to be diapered, and not being able to get home to get comfy. When I have filled my pants - and I do more than just wet - I HAVE to get cleaned up before I head out - not that I WANT to, but it IS reality, even though I truly enjoy messy diapers as a part of my DL side. Otherwise, I seldom let being diapered or wanting to be stop me from going anywhere UNLESS knowing I'm going to need a diaper change - which means, at times, I may refrain from freely wetting, and wear, but use a stall to pee - and it won't be convenient or very easy to do, I may not want to use my diapers while out. If I know I'm going to need to have a BM, I use extra care and caution OR I will adjust the diapers I select, the types of soakers I might add and the type of plastic pants I use - i.e., snap-ons versus pull-ons - for the "package" I choose for that day or period of time. Trust me, unless you WANT someone else to know what you're wearing, unless you WANT to be obvious and less than discreet, diapers are merely absorbent UNDERWEAR, and totally legit, and what you do besides wear them - use them, make them part of further "kink" or incorporate them into a "scene", or they have sexual overtones and connotations "behind closed doors" or "between consenting adults" - is up to YOU. Nobody else needs to know unless YOU tell them or like so many young ABs, are so "revved up" they allow themselves to be "discovered" and "outed" by being idiots, and then whine about it. That is so not necessary. Confident? Yes. Proud? Yes. An avowed DL? Yes. Diapers, discreetly worn/used on a daily basis? Definitely. As my wife says - and she knew about my DL side/life/world BEFORE we made a long-term committment, and accepted it, or we would not now BE in our third year of marriage - my DL side/life/world is simply a part of ME. So, I deal with it. I embrace it. I incorporate it. And, it's never had any negative repurcussions at any point in my life. And, it shouldn't for anyone else, even if they are not yet independent and living on their own. It's all in how you choose to handle the situation, and deal with it yourself, in your own mind...

I believe XP Medical, out of California, sells Abena "vest-style" onesies. Here in the States, I'd call it an "undershirt" style, versus a "t-shirt" style, which has arms in it. They run in a European sizing, so for us larger US types, they run a little small. But they cost around $30, have three snaps(poppers) in the crotch, and are very stretchy and durable. They keep diapers and plastic pants VERY close to the body and snug, to the point of being arousing most of the time while worn! They are worth looking into. Most "onesies" in the US seem to cost from $25-$75 depending upon where you can find them(what site, and some call them "body suits") and if they are being re-sold at the site, bought from another vendor, or if the item is being produced for the retailer directly...

You've heard it said that all men are scared little boys inside. While my wife doesn't like it that I like my Nuk 5 pacifier once in a while, and I LOVE my finger restraint mittens to pretend some bondage scenes, and it drives her crazy when I tell her I used to help my last wife out when she was nursing and her children(mine, too) simply rejected her big rubbery nipples in front of aching breasts full of sweet, lo-fat, milk that needed to be drained, and the nipples hurt from using the breast pump, which never really totally did the trick, so after one playful giddy session of "could I try nursing", and I drained both of those milk "bladders" quickly and expertly, I was asked on a regular basis to "help her out" and nurse to relieve the pressure and supply - which is one of the most incredible experiences I have had and enjoyed, and did, on a regular basis through three children, I'm pretty much a private and discreet DL. Aha, has what I said, though an avowed DL, lead one to think I MAY have some "infantile"(I won't say AB...) tendencies? I'm not sure, Dear Young Woman, that even with the most tender diapering that you could provide, he'd accept THAT at the beginning, given his past and resistance to being "babied". However, little things, "motherly" things, a "motherly" approach, tender, soft, loving, and "babying" in areas where a male MIGHT be "babied" - AS A BABY(chronologically) - might begin a slow, growing process OF "babying" being more natural to him - and if he loves you, he may not resist your loving attention and ministrations - and more acceptant to him as the interaction YOU TWO have in YOUR relationship. I'm sure, love or not, and it may depend on a lot of factors, he will put the brakes on if he's uncomfortable with what you're doing, trying to do, or the direction things are heading. But, if you don't push, and you make it seem very natural and something special between the TWO of you, it may be easier than you think, and give you a greater range of the "age" of "little" you want to take him!

You have begun a thread that has a million ways to go with it. I'm sure, over time, most of the avenues will be travelled. I would say this. I am a DL. I own my own business. I deal with the public on a daily basis. I go through cycles where I choose to be diapered(my "little secret" perhaps?) nearly 24/7. I am married. My wife accepts, encourages and participates, to a degree, in my DL side/life/world. A true incon, has little choice but to wear diapers in daily life to control a medical situation, so the diaper issue is kind of a moot point. An AB, while enjoying the vestiges of infancy, if to reprise it to relive it and "start over" or "do it right this time", or being "stuck" in that period of life, must not only set up some sort of "scene" or set aside a block of time to indulge and satisfy needs, but ALSO life an adult life, meaning being productive in society, which means having a job and creating an income to have an independent adult life. The DL can quite successfully AND discreetly indulge diaper desires at virtually any time and any place with no one else knowing. So, it boils down to this. What are you into? How do you feel you NEED it to incorporate into YOUR "normal"(everyday) life? WHO do you feel NEEDS to know what you're into?(Would you go around proclaiming you're into BDSM? Spanking? Enemas?) How discreet ARE you with your "little secret" such that you are virtually SURE you will never KNOWINGLY allow yourself to be "accidentally discovered" indulging yourself or do you always operate "on the edge" such that you MIGHT have someone walk in on you, damn what might be said or thought of you? And, what WOULD another person SAY(it doesn't MATTER what they THINK; that's THEIR problem), and in some cases, say to someone ELSE, upon discovering your "little secret", be it that you wear diapers for need, by choice, or because your a fetishist that indulges in fetish "scenes" on a regular basis? It's DIAPERS, for cripe's sake! Adult diapers are a legitimate product to meet a legitimate need and there is a huge market. They are neither illegal, immoral NOR fattening! I wear my diapers often, and use them - I save messing for private time at home, which I enjoy immensely - and no one ever knows. I am discreet, I'm not obvious and bulgy, and give no indication what I'm wearing under my work clothes OR recreational clothes. My choice of wearing diapers is MY thing. It give ME pleasure and hurts and impacts NO ONE else. I force my DL side/life/world on NO ONE. So, what more do you need to know? Wear your diapers. Do it discreetly, don't make any kind of a deal about it and enjoy yourself. No one else will know and if they DO find out - and HOW are they GOING TO? - what will they care? It's YOU wearing the diapers!

I guess one more thing I'd like to add IS, if I actually KNEW, totally and definitively WHY I love diapers, to be in them, to use them, to have all the myriad of sensations I have and get and feel when I'm in diapers, that begins again every time I diaper myself, or if I'm lucky enough, to BE diapered by someone(anymore, my wife - there will be no one else, otherwise), I wouldn't QUIT a thing. I wouldn't try to get diapers out of my life. I wouldn't try to eradicate my "leanings" or "cleanse" my mind of my diaper fetishism. In other words, even IF I actually knew WHY I have this fetish, if I knew WHAT the trigger was to begin this strange, odd and wonderfully exciting, stressful, fulfilling, comforting journey, if I knew what it actually IS about diapers that puts my brain into overdrive and stimulates me the way diapers do - physically, mentally, emotionally - it wouldn't matter. I wouldn't change a thing. My knowledge of the underlying root cause of my fetishism would not make want to make it go away. So, the bottom line IS, what does it MATTER why I love diapers? If I knew it wouldn't help. And, not knowing doesn't make me dysfunctional. I just think that it's a major issue for most DLs and ABs to try and figure out WHY so that as a rational, intelligent, sane adult they can rationalize, besides trying to make some kind of sense out of it, their love of diapers, especially when they feel the the rest of the country doesn't approve, doesn't understand and thinks a whole lot less of those that do. Quite a quandry for those that simply make use, by choice, of a legal product, that is actually quite useful, and is not illegal, immoral OR fattening. And, the turmoil all comes from the fact that the perception is out there that this product is acceptable ONLY for those of a certain age. Talk about small minded society! Oy vay!

Actually, the ULTIMATE thing to do, with a delightful, full, not too "aromatic", but "right consistancy" load, is make love. OMG. Messy cloth diaper being pulled up tight as I am being pulled "in", released from one warm wet environment to be "trapped" in another, or heels dug in to the mess from legs wrapped around the waist... Sorry. It IS the ultimate, and talk about an eventual release from the toes! Well, "they" say that a good, healthy BM is second in sensation and relief to the big "O".... Oh, and there ARE women "out there", well, actually, "out HERE", that will not only allow this type of intimacy, but don't mind it AND enjoy it. And, if someone ever wonders ONE of the reasons why I love my wife, NOW they know!

Wow. I can't really see how you lost anything. She laid the bondage trip on YOU, expecting YOU to just be up with it. You were open with HER, but with all HER trip, she had closed mind toward YOU. Talk about BS. THEN, she HAS a BF, and he's "just away", and you want to mess with THAT? Drugs & firearms charges? And, when he gets out, YOU want to be found to have been keeping HIS GF company? Dude. I think you were spared a great deal of problems! And, maybe your life was spared! Not sure your approach was a good one, or timely, and definitely not effective. You know, it's like "they" say, you hit on 100 women in a bar to get laid, and you'll get your face slapped 99 times, BUT there's always that ONE opportunity to get laid! Sorry, pretty sexist... I would say, if you're truly looking for a relationship, another approach may be in order. But, then, we of the DL/AB world have never been known to be the most patient peeps in the world! LOL

Um, nothing wrong with cuddling in a perverted way! But, it would be best you had a relationship established, first! And, to do THAT, you have to be intelligent, and develop a plan to incorporate your AB or DL into your life WITH a relationship. IMHO, from the "wise old DL", break the AB/DL side/life/world to the prospective partner EARLY ON, BEFORE much emotion and time has been invested, and untimely "revelation" destroys something that has already developed. An acceptant partner ought to like to cuddle just fine, with you in diapers or not...

I would add: Physically - foreign, strange, like wearing a blanket around your mid-section, irritating Emotionally: silly, infantile, ridiculous, totally abnormal, just not right, irritating "...if he is "But he's curious, and consenting" of you wearing them have you tried asking him if he would like to try them? Perhaps as suggested above saying to him if he tried you would love to apply the lotion, powder and then then diaper he might try it as part of love making and want more... For the DL who uses their diapers for their intended purpose - wetting, messing - getting someone else to join you takes things to another level. Some partners just can't do it. Others just won't. And, while there may be those partners that do take to wearing, they may one that using does absolutely nothing for. I think that's probably where a lot of fantasies about being forced to wear diapers and use them come from. If you're forced into "humiliating yourself" by using the diapers you're forced to wear, then it "legitimizes" the use. My wife has the attitude that she will wear occasionally because she knows how it "spins my prop", while my DL side/life/world is MY thing, accepting it as part of ME - an important part - and encouraging me because it's ME in the diapers. She doesn't understand how I enjoy wetting and messing - at this point, not even thinking too much about wetting and messing - but, again, it's MY thing. It doesn't impact her life except in a positive manner, and I make sure I see HER needs are met far more than mine are, or need to be. Diapering another person or being diapered by another person can be a very intimate act. It can be made light of, like the silly manner and coo-chee-coo stuff that goes on between a mother and an infant. Or, it can be a more serious, sensual, erotic action leading to more intimate adult activity. It's all what you make it and how you approach it. Can you incorporate diapers, or pull-ups, into some other form of play, or scenario you two enter into? Taking "baby steps", with a logical, progressive approach can lead to a whole new world or a whole lot more over time, and may end up being truly unique for the both of you. Again, you get an "A" for your efforts. You've shown wisdom and intelligence for exploring options the way you have. Good luck(and it's far more than "luck"...)

When I look over my "stash", I am amazed at the number of different cloth diapers and plastic pants I have bought over the years. As for disposables, I've never been a real fan to reprise something from my past - the look, the feel, the sound, etc. - and they are more a convenience thing when cloth diapers are not practical. I actually tried a whole variety of what was available out of Europe, ordering from Baby-Doll Shop. The shipping, however, cost as much as my order! Actually, I've found what works best for me, at given times and different times of the day - Molicares, Invacares, Select, all with cloth soakers and booster pads. Anymore, I'm less likely to be bouncing around with different brands. And, I often go out "diaper hunting" at thrift stores. My stash has gotten enormous. I'm even choosy, now. I turned down stock from one Goodwill store because they were priced at $6 a bag and not th $3 or $4 a bag I'm used to at other of their outlets! You can make virtually anything work - especially if you use plastic pants for extra protection. And, while thin, I've found the Maker's Mark brand at Sam's Club(which, I believe, are actually made by Invacare) at about $20 per CASE, for 4 bags of 12 diapers. THAT, is a good price...

I am amused at the news media when in a story they just have to report that the vehicle involved was "a SUV". Huh? What does it matter? What's the relevance? Diapers in the news, when it's involving an adult, are amplified because the news media has chosen to judge an AB or DL as abnormal. And, what have they had to go on? So many HERE agree that some of these people in the news are sick, perverted, weirdos and wackos. They've given the rest of the AB/DL world a bad name and reputation. What else does the so-called normal society have to go on? It has often been said that the only news worth reading is bad news. It, too, is out of "the norm". Everything else is same-old, same-old. It's boring, it's uninteresting. So, how do we of the AB/DL world put forth a positive face? How do we put forth a positive spin on our perfectly legal, though somewhat odd leanings and fetishism? A person could argue that there are other types of things that people are into that "society" would consider odd, abnormal or "just wrong". Um, if it really doesn't hurt anyone else, and isn't illegal, immoral or fattening, and it's OUR thing, who should care? A lot of small-minded, closed-minded, "holier-than-thou" types seem to, and can be vocal about it. I'm all for putting the AB/DL world into a positive light. But, if it means I'm going to be humiliated, ridiculed and ostracized when others find out that I'm into diapers and am active in my DL side/life/world, I will continue to do so quietly, discreetly and privately. Not gonna' help anybody else much, I fear. As far as posting negative stories at this site, it does us all well to remind ourselves that our house of cards can easily come tumbling down easily and quickly due to the actions of one selfish, self-centered, unthinking idiot. Maybe it will help us to figure out HOW we can overcome the negative stigma that shadows us and haunts us and be part of the solution to turn it around. If only that could happen...

Time after time the story repeats. For the sake of "love", reality is ignored, revelation is not made, "compromise" is one-sided, and someone lives a lie, with cravings and urges they cannot satisfy, and is totally unhappy, and then reaches out to members of a site like this for help. Two sides of the coin; A)your're screwed, B)there is hope as compromise MAY work out. It is not right to have revealed reality, and then have the partner backpedal with acceptance. Worse, is living a lie, and then, after time and emotion has been invested - and the bills for the marriage paid - the revelation is dropped into the lap of a partner, with the HOPE that, at this point, it will be accepted. Bad move. Disaster waiting to happen. Compromise is wonderful. The suggestion that you agree to reciprocate for her - and I suggest you do MORE, just because(um, gratitude for being able to indulge yourself as you need to?) - for her agreement to accept you indulging yourself is fabulous, and spot on. And, this technique can be used in many other areas of a marriage. No one wants to have a relationship blow up, or end one, because someone can't agree to have acceptance, or maybe encouragement and participation. But, there comes a point in a person's life where you either accept your fate, and be resigned to being unfulfilled, unsatisfied and unhappy - or become a nervous wreck as you sneak around indulging yourself secretly(again, living a lie) - or choose to draw a line in the sand, and hold out for being able to have what you feel you need, even if it means you have to end a relationship and move on, to FIND that partner who WILL fulfill you. We have no one to blame but ourselves when we haven't been upfront and honest as to what we need, based upon who we are and how we are, HOPING we can have/find what we need "over time" or "sometime in the future". It's a lesson that needs to be learned by ANY fetishist. We can HOPE that will find acceptance and fulfillment, but unless we are intelligent and patient, and do what we need to do, and not cower in fear, it may never happen. What is YOUR "line in the sand"? What ARE you willing to accept? Then, "make your bed"...