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Chapter 11: My Sister’s Room Three years earlier I had never liked road trips. That much time spent cramped in a tiny space was too much. My body would tell me that I needed to move, and then I couldn’t. But what made the drive home from the funeral take even longer was this new idea that I had become obsessed with. I needed more than anything to wear a pull-up again. All I could think of as the miles passed by were schemes about how I could manage to get my hands on one. “Mommy, I need to pee.” Ahead of me in the front row, my three-year-old brother was squirming desperately in his car seat. Grace and I had retreated to the back row of the van for the return journey home, mostly to give us some space from our annoying younger brother. “Mommy,” Jackson whined again, his voice reaching a painfully high pitch. Grace and I exchanged a glance. This scene with my brother had been a frequent occurrence on this road trip. “The next rest stop is in five miles,” Mom replied. As if that made any sense to a three-year-old. How was Jackson supposed to know how long that was going to take? “But Mommy,” he whined as the squirming continued. It was hard to know how serious of an alert it was from him. Despite all the whining for potty breaks on this road trip, my younger brother hadn’t wet his pants at all. He had been potty trained for a little over a year now. Mom and Dad had gotten to work on it right away after his second birthday. My parents had tossed out all of Jackson’s diapers and made him run around naked outside for a couple of days that summer. I didn’t understand how that was supposed to help with toilet training, but it had worked, even if the process had grossed out Grace and me a bit. That Jackson was fully potty trained was unfortunate. If Jackson hadn’t been potty trained yet, or had perhaps been a bedwetter like his cousins, that would have been another potential source of pull-ups. I couldn’t recall what methods my parents had used to potty train me. But I hoped that was not how it had gone. “Should have made him wear a pull-up for the trip,” Grace muttered softly next to me, making sure her voice wasn’t loud enough for Jackson to notice. Wouldn’t that have been nice? That would have solved my issue of getting a pullup. I tried my best to ignore my brother’s whining for the next five minutes. Having a now-potty-trained three-year-old on a road trip at least meant that we were making a bunch of stops. I’d get a chance to run around at the next rest area. Perhaps it would even have a half-way-decent playground to explore. Like previously, we made it to the rest area without Jackson wetting his pants. As soon as Dad shifted the gear into park, Mom hurried to get Jackson unbuckled and out of his car seat. The rest of us followed behind at a much more leisurely pace as Dad then took Jackson off to the men’s restroom. Mom would insist that Grace and I make a stop at the restroom as well, even if I protested that I didn’t need to go at all. I did manage to pee a little, but only just a little, before heading out behind the rest stop building to check out the playground. The play area was a bit sad, designed more for toddlers than kids my age. The top of the lone slide was only slightly taller than me. The only good thing was that it had a two-person swing set. I pushed off to get myself started as my thoughts drifted back to my plans to acquire a pull-up. Even though Mom and Dad had previously assured me that Grace’s bedwetting days were long past over – otherwise, I don’t think I previously would have agreed to share a bed with her at a hotel – I had nevertheless attempted to ascertain whether she was perhaps secretly wearing pull-ups under her pajamas. I hadn’t dared try to check while she was asleep, but when we were getting out of bed, I laid on my side to watch my fifteen-year-old sister slide off of the mattress onto the floor. The brief glimpse under her short nightgown told me that she was wearing regular, big-girl underwear. A disappointing result, but not all that surprising. The question that lingered the most in the back of my head was whether my sister had worn pull-ups during her years as a bedwetter. Grace obviously hadn’t been wearing a pull-up that night. I had stumbled across the aftermath of her wetting the bed. But I couldn’t take that as proof that she had never worn a pull-up before. Could Mom’s annoyance at her that night have been because she hadn’t been wearing one when she should have been? “You want me to give you a push?” Grace asked as she joined me out on the playground. “Sure.” She took hold of me and pulled me back super far. I hung on for dear life as I swung forward, my back nearly parallel to the ground. Grace took a seat on the swing next to me and pushed herself off as well, though she didn’t go quite as high in the air as me. Mom tended to hang on to all of our old clothes. In the back and upper shelves of the two closets in my bedroom were boxes and stacks of old clothing. Perhaps Mom had been saving them for if Jackson had turned out to be a girl, and she had never had the time to toss them out afterward. Or perhaps there was still the possibility of another baby joining the family. There were a number of options I had thought about for getting a pull-up. But one of them stood out above all the rest. I was going to search my sister’s bedroom at the next possible opportunity. <><><> A couple of weeks passed before the perfect opportunity came up. It was Friday evening in the summer, and Grace was having a sleepover with some of her friends. Normally, that would have been a perfect opportunity to have Angie and Emma over, but their families had other plans this weekend, so I was left all to myself. Usually, that would have sucked. But this night, I planned to make the most of the opportunity. My parents had hurried me off to bed a little earlier than normal. There was a TV show they wanted to watch, and apparently, I wasn’t old enough to be allowed to watch it yet. I had gone through all the motions of getting ready for bed except brushing my teeth. I didn’t like brushing my teeth. And tonight, Mom and Dad were too busy with their show to check on me as I hurriedly got ready for bed. Now, I was in my pajamas, standing at the end of the hallway in front of Grace’s bedroom door. Jackson was sound asleep. My parents’ TV show had begun a few minutes ago; I had crept halfway down the stairs to make sure I could hear it playing in the distance. Grace was out of the house. There would be no one to bother me as I explored my older sister’s bedroom. Grace didn’t have the stereotypical “keep out” sign on her door. But it wasn’t necessary. Her room had always been off limits to me and Jackson. In fairness, the same rule applied to Grace for my bedroom, not that my older sister had any interest in entering it. I reached my hand out tentatively to touch the handle, turning the doorknob and pushing in the door. I took two cautious steps into her bedroom and shut the door behind me. I was standing on forbidden ground. Our bedrooms couldn’t be more unalike. Grace had posters of bands and other artwork on the walls. In the corner was a fancy desktop computer, the kind with a glass side that lets you see all the components. If Grace had worn pull-ups, and they hadn’t been thrown away, where would they be? I opened each of her dresser drawers, sifting through them carefully. No pull-ups, only regular underwear. But that made sense; the pull-ups wouldn’t have stayed in the dresser. Why would she want to see a reminder of her bedwetting every time she went to get dressed? If the pull-ups were in her bedroom, they would be where Mom had tucked away the rest of my sister’s old things. I slid open one of the closet doors. There were a bunch of boxes on the top shelf, but they were completely out of reach for me. I grabbed the chair in front of Grace’s computer desk and dragged it over to the closet. Even standing up on it barely allowed me to reach up and touch the boxes on the top shelf. I pulled a cardboard box down and set it on Grace’s bed. I didn’t find any pull-ups inside the box once I undid the cardboard flaps on top. But I did get a glimpse of some of the hand-me-downs that might be coming my way in a couple of years. There were a bunch of old shirts and sweaters in the box that I remembered my sister wearing a couple of years ago. That meant they would be mine – if I wanted them – in a couple of years. Every year or so, Mom would bring some of Grace’s old clothes to my bedroom and have me sort through which ones I wanted to have for myself. Mom didn’t make me keep anything I didn’t like, which was a relief, as our styles could be quite different at times. But there were no pull-ups in this box. But that was OK. There were still six more boxes to check in this closet and then a whole other closet to look through afterward. I checked the time on the digital clock next to my sister’s bed. I still had another thirty minutes to go before I needed to be back in bed, in case my parents came upstairs immediately after their show was over. The searches of the next five boxes proved to be as fruitless as the first. Not a single pull-up in sight. I returned all the boxes to the closet. Time to check the next one. Another ten minutes passed by, and my disappointment grew as the mundane contents of each box were revealed. That was followed by a cursory search of my sister’s nightstand drawers and some drawers at her desk, but that, too, was fruitless. It wasn’t fair. I had gotten my hopes up so much over the last few weeks. I was so sure that I’d find some pull-ups. I was so eager to see what the girl’s version of them would look like. There was, of course, always the chance to search my brother’s bedroom as well. But, to the best of my knowledge, my parents had never once bought pull-ups for him. He had gone straight from diapers to superhero-themed underwear. Fitting into his pull-ups might have been a stretch. I couldn’t imagine a baby diaper fitting me. But I would still try to find a way to search his bedroom at some point, even if it was a disappointing plan “B.” With my plan defeated, I walked over to Grace’s queen-sized bed. I still had another ten minutes to spare before I needed to be out of her room. I sat down on Grace’s bed next to a few of the boxes I hadn’t yet put back onto the closet shelves. My bottom didn’t sink into the mattress like it did when I sat down in my own bed, and the motion of sitting on the bed was accompanied by some loud crinkles. That was really strange. I patted my hand firmly on the sheets. Definitely firmer than my own bed. And it was still making that weird crinkling sound. I laid back on the bed. Not comfortable at all. How did my sister manage to fall asleep on this every night? I got up from the uncomfortable bed. I wouldn’t have wanted to lie down on it for any longer than necessary. I admitted defeat in my search for pull-ups. May as well get back to my bedroom early. I nearly dropped the last box as I put it back into place on the closet shelf. After doing one last check to make sure I had put everything back into place, I left Grace’s bedroom and headed to my own bed, sad that I hadn’t found any pull-ups, but happy that I had a much nicer mattress to sleep on than my sister. I was going to have to get used to disappointment. --- Links to all my stories can be found at https://abdlwriter.wordpress.com/

Periodic reminder that you can find more of this story, and many (many!) more stories you can't read anywhere else on my Ream Stories account. Seventy-Four “I’m sorry,” Mommy said, catching her breath and swiping some hair out of her face. “What were you saying before we got…distracted?” My moist face emerged from between her legs, and I ran a hand through my mussy hair. Any conversation that took place in her bed usually ended up being split into two parts–the part before I started pleasing her with my mouth, and the part after. This had been a particularly long intermission, leaving my tongue feeling so tired that I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to keep talking. Too, I was blanking on what it was that we were talking about in the first place. “Uh…” “You wanted to ask me something,” she reminded me. “I would say that you looked nervous about it…but you always seem nervous when asking me anything.” “Oh, right. So…” My heart was still racing, and I needed to catch my own breath yet. Having my mouth affixed to Mommy’s pussy always presented some challenging hurdles when it came to breathing. “Take your time,” she said, her voice soft and smooth. “Come up here. Cuddle with me. And when you’re ready, you can tell me all about it.” I was quick to take her up on this offer, snuggling beside her nude body under a thin bedsheet. I was the only one wearing any article of clothing–if one considered a diaper ‘clothing.’ Her arm wrapped around me, pulling me even closer to her before she gave my padded butt a firm pat. “It feels dry,” she said. “It is.” “A shame.” “I know. But…I tried.” One of Mommy’s most favorite things in the entire world was when I used my diaper while pleasuring her with my mouth. Mommy could get quite wet normally, but it was like sticking my face in a tsunami when she could catch a whiff of a dirty diaper while my tongue played with her clit. “I heard you pushing,” she said, smiling. “It was very cute.” I offered only a bashful mumble, burying my face in her side. I remembered what I wanted to talk about, but it feels even sillier now–given our current status–than it did when I first entered her bedroom. “So…I wanted to go…out.” She giggled. “Out?” “R-right. I’ve been talking to this, uhm, friend of mine…” “This friend-who-is-a-girl, yes?” “Uh, yeah. That’s the one. Paige.” It still felt strange to call her Paige, especially out loud. She had lived in my head–my imagination–as ‘Pizza Girl’ for so long. “A date?” “I mean, we were just going to, like, hang out.” “That sounds like a date to me,” she cooed, again patting my bottom so that a loud FWOMP FWOMP FWOMP sound filled the room. “I suppose.” “My little boy is growing up. Sort of.” “Sort of,” I repeated. “Does your friend know you aren’t potty trained yet?” “Well…” I chuckled a little. That was one of the strangest parts of this whole thing. “Yes, she knows.” “And she’s okay with that? I’m not judging, of course. I just want to be sure.” “Uh huh. I’d say she’s okay with that.” I wasn’t quite ready to tell Mommy that Paige also had an interest in diapers. At least, per her note, I thought that was the case. I’d have told Mommy if she asked, of course. I just wasn’t ready to offer that one for free yet. “And what about your chastity, Baby? Think she’ll mind that?” I’d like to say that I hadn’t yet thought about that, but the truth was that I had been thinking about that a lot. I couldn’t imagine needing access to my cock on our first hangout. But, sooner or later, it might be nice to have access to it. Was I supposed to ask Mommy for the key? Or did I just beat around the bush until she decided to give it to me on her volition? “It probably doesn’t matter. Uhm…yet.” Mommy giggled again. “Yet? But eventually?” “I mean, who knows?” Did I expect her to just hand over my key at that moment? Or did I just hope that she would? “Talk to me again when you think you need your little boy-toy back,” she cooed into my ear. It wasn’t a promise, it was an invitation to another awkward conversation in the future. “Y-yes, Mommy.” Things seemed to be going well with Mommy as of late. Things had always been good there–but I was starting to wonder if some of my recent decisions would wear away at our relationship. I still hadn’t completely processed the overheard conversation between her and Ms. Beaufort on the phone–the one where she confessed her fear about what she was to do with herself after I was gone. And so I wondered if my sudden desires to work and be social were exasperating those fears. I didn’t bring it up. For one, I didn’t want Mommy to know that I had overheard her conversation. But also: what was I supposed to do about it? There was a part of me that considered just staying with her forever, but I already knew that wasn’t the answer. At some point, whether it was now or later, I’d have to move on. And, sooner or later, Mommy would have to figure out what came after that for herself. Months ago–eons ago, maybe–I had told myself that I was going to help find her a partner. Someone who could make her happy without having to wear diapers. Obviously, I had gotten a little distracted since I made that declaration. Maybe I needed to get that little project off the ground again. Or…not? The thing was, I wasn’t entirely sure if I even knew what Mommy wanted next. It seemed best, then, to just concentrate on myself. If there was anyone in the entire world who I trusted to tell me how they felt, it was Mommy. And so far she hadn’t pushed back at any of my attempts to spread my wings and fly from the comfy nest she had created for us. I had compartmentalized my guilt well enough so that by the time I was actually stepping off the train in town–I refused to let Mommy drive me to my meetup–it didn’t feel like it’d be interfering. I had Mommy’s blessing to be here, and for the night, that’s all I needed. “Is it strange that I’m not used to seeing you with pants on?” Paige asked, meeting me outside the bar she had recommended. “Well…you had only seen me without pants twice.” “Oh,” her cheeks turned pink and she looked away for a moment. “Maybe that’s just how I picture you in my head.” “Fair enough. If I had seen you in a…” I decided I didn’t want to say the d-word out loud. Not yet. “If I had seen you in a similar state, maybe that’s how I’d think of you too.” “That can always be arranged,” she said, opening the door and stepping inside. She beckoned for me to follow. Soon, we’re sitting at the bar next to each other, and we each have a pint glass in front of us. The bar is only moderately busy, though I still feel like I’m on display. If I had picked, we’d be in a corner booth–as far away from everyone else as possible. “Clark?” she asked–not like she was calling for me, but questioning what my name was. “Yep.” She sighed out of her nose. “I still think you look like a Paul.” “I mean, if you really want to call me that…” “You know what it is? You kind of remind me of this guy named Paul I used to hang out with.” “Was he cool?” It probably would’ve been devastating if she had been unconsciously comparing me to a complete dud. “Well, he was cute. Like you,” she shrugged. “He used to bring me donuts from this little bakery near his house, and that was pretty cute. But…I think he also got arrested for threatening his dad or something.” Cute but dangerous. That was kind of like breaking even. “Paige,” I said to her. “See, I think that’s a pretty name.” “Yeah, maybe if I was a homesteader making my own kombucha.” “That’s very specific.” Paige laughed, mostly to herself, before playfully slapping my arm. “Okay. So? Uhm…diaper?” My head automatically swiveled back and forth on my neck, surveying the area around us for open and available ears who could’ve potentially heard her say that word. It wasn’t even something I thought about while in public, it was just my body’s natural defenses at work. The report came back that it was safe enough. I nodded. Of course, she didn’t know that I was always wearing diapers. Not yet. “And you?” She also nodded, her cheeks getting a little rosier. “Uh huh.” “Keeping dry?” She grimaced and shook her head. “Like, I want to use them out in public. But it’s hard! Do you use them when you’re out of the house?” Hoo boy, where do I start? “Y-yeah. Sometimes.” That’d suffice for now. Her eyes grow large and voice drops a little. “You think you could do it tonight? Here?” “Are you asking me to?” She considered that for a moment. “No. Not necessarily. Just, could you? If you wanted to.” I nod. “Probably.” Inevitably. I decided to try and redirect the conversation a little bit. As tempting as it was to just talk about diapers, I was hoping that we’d have a bit more in common than that. I started small: “So, pizza delivery, huh? Do you like that?” “Eh,” she shrugged. “It’s an easy job. I like the restaurant and I like the neighborhood. The tips are nice…but it’s not enough to live off of, for sure.” “Oh, so do you live with…” “I live with my cousin. Well, I live at my cousin’s. She’s a musician, so she tours a lot, which means I get the place to myself most of the year. Rent free.” “Wow.” “The gravy train isn’t going to last forever, but I’m enjoying it while I can.” She takes a swig of her amber lager before continuing. “What about you? What do you do for a living?” “Actually, I just recently started a new job with my Mo…” I trail off and I feel my cheeks warm. How do I explain ‘Mommy’ to her? “I just recently started a new job. It’s a group of business consultants. Honestly, most of what they do is over my head, but I’ll be helping out with some day-to-day stuff around the office.” “Ah,” she said. “A corporate worker bee.” “Something like that.” “Do you like that?” Did I? Come to think of it, I hadn’t asked myself what I wanted to do with my career in a very long time. I like the company. I like the people I work with. Beyond that? I guess I’m trying to figure myself out.” “Here here,” she said, clinking her glass into mine. While I’m pretty sure there’s a minimum amount of small talk we’re supposed to get through before we can get into the juicier topics, I realized that I just couldn’t help myself–I needed to know the answer to at least one of my burning questions. “So, uhm, have you always worn, uh…” She laughed, swiping some hair from her face. “No, not always. It’s kind of a recent fascination, actually.” Damn, had Lyndie been right? Had I actually been the inspiration for her newfound fetish? Of course, Lyndie had said something else too that she might have been right about: That I wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. That I had to crawl before I could walk. She probably wasn’t wrong about that. “R-really? And…what brought that on?” “Oh, I’m sure you can guess,” she smiled. Was she batting her eyelashes at me? Everything about her felt flirtatious–her tone, her body language, the way that she took these little sips of her beer. And it was all working on me. “Me?” “I’d say you certainly started me down that rabbit hole. Though…I’ve got to ask. Was that, like, a dare or something? To stand at the door in a diaper when I delivered food?” “Oh, uh, yeah.” “But you do actually have a diaper kink?” “Uhm…yes.” Kink wasn’t the word I’d use at this point. It was a lifestyle. It was, perhaps, my whole life. “So your friends, they all know you wear them?” We were treading deeper and deeper into more complicated territory. Would there be a point where I’d have to reveal too much about myself? That I had been, effectively, living as an infant for the last few months? That I was now wearing diapers to the office, and was expected to use them while there? “They know.” “Wow. They must be some pretty good friends if you trust them with that. If I told my friends I liked diapers, they’d probably laugh at me so hard that I’d need to move out of town.” Oh, they’re all in on it. Some of them have even worn diapers themselves. “Yeah…I guess we’re all pretty close.” “That must be pretty awesome,” she said. “I’m kind of jealous.” Would she feel the same way if her friends were patting her diapered bottom? Changing her diapers? Teasing her for being a baby? I didn’t hate the dynamic I had with my friends, but there was something to be said for having some secrets that were just mine, too. Also, I had no doubt that Paige would fit right in with the likes of Lyndie and Ava. “So, wait,” I said, circling back a little. “You saw me standing there in a diaper–making an absolute fool of myself–and you were…inspired to put on a diaper yourself?” “Yeah, something like that, actually,” she said, taking a bigger swig of her beer–as if to help fuel the rest of her story. “The idea was just stuck in my head and I had to try it, you know?” That made sense to me. I’ve certainly been there before. “Lo and behold, I ended up liking them,” she shrugged. “A lot, actually. And there was something kind of fun about the idea of running into you again, both of us in a diaper.” “Oh wait…” I started, remembering a moment from a few months ago. I had been coming out of the elevator in my old apartment building when she was entering it. Our bodies had brushed against each other, and I was almost certain that something seemed weird about that moment. “The elevator? You were, uh, wearing one then?” She laughed. “Wow. I almost forgot about that myself. I saw the order come in for your apartment, and I kept a diaper in my backpack for such an occasion. So I quickly put it on in the bathroom…” Likely the same bathroom where I had recently changed my own sopping wet diaper, I thought. “...before going to your place, hoping I’d see you. I didn’t, of course–your roommate received the pizza. I was kind of bummed about it, honestly. But then I ran into you in the elevator, except I think we caught each other by surprise and neither of us really knew what to say to each other.” “Wow,” I said, shaking my head. “So, if I had opened the door instead of my roommate…what would you have said to me? Would you have been, like, ‘Hey, here’s your pizza–also, I’m wearing a diaper’?” Her cheeks got a bit more pink and she swallowed another gulp from her glass. “I have no fucking idea what I would’ve done. All the scenarios I had imagined were…kind of unrealistic.” I let out a chortle–an embarrassing noise that I would've prevented if I could’ve. “Okay, you have to elaborate on that. Unrealistic how?” “Oh, I dunno. Like, maybe I would’ve pointed down to my crotch and have been, like: ‘I’ve got an extra delivery for you in here too.’” “I probably wouldn’t have gotten that you were signaling that you were wearing a diaper if you had said that…” “I know, I know. Oh, and my other idea was that I would’ve commented that your tip was going to go towards my diaper fund.” “Then, I just would’ve thought you were making fun of me.” We were both laughing, and pretty hard too. I was laughing so hard that I had lost some of the control I had been exerting on my bladder, causing a stream of pee to flood my diaper. It wasn’t a heavy wetting, but it was enough to change the status of my padding from ‘damp’ to ‘wet.’ Wet enough that I might have even considered a change were I anywhere else. I needed to be a little more careful. I probably couldn’t afford another slip-up like that. “So, Clark,” she finally asked, stifling the lingering giggles. “Who are you when you’re not in a diaper?” Oof. The answer I spat out was much more honest than I would’ve liked: “I don’t even know anymore.” She leaned in closer, looking much more curious now. “Is that so? Are, uh, diapers that important to you?” “I, uh, suppose that’s something I should be pretty upfront about.” I wasn’t prepared to have this conversation yet, but it was probably better for both of us if I did. She deserved to know the truth–or at least some of the truth. If she didn’t like what she heard, she didn’t have to waste any more of her time. “I wear them all of the time.” “Oh.” She didn’t look upset by this answer, though maybe concerned? “Shit. Did I…misread something? Is there, like, a more legitimate reason you wear them? Some sort of disability?” “No,” I quickly said. “It’s…all pleasure.” “Oh,” she said again. She said it differently this time–with some hesitation and, maybe, skepticism in her tone. “That’s a bit of a commitment.” “That’s an understatement.” “So you just choose to wear them? All the time?” I nodded. “And…how often do you use them?” she asked, with the cadence of someone who thinks they might already know the answer. “I’d say…pretty regularly.” She pointed down to my feet, where my bookbag was sitting on the floor by my stool. “And is that your…diaper bag?” My face blushed, her question being right on the money. “Y-yeah.” “My goodness, Clark. You’re just full of surprises.” She was smiling. That seemed good. Or, at least, better than her frowning or getting up and walking away. “Sorry,” I shrugged. “I know that’s a lot.” She didn’t even know the half of it yet. “It’s fascinating, is what it is,” she said, finishing the last of her pint glass. She waved to the bartender, pointing down at her glass. Did this conversation require more alcohol? “Too much information for someone you’re just getting to know?” “I’m still here, aren’t I?” “You are. But you may also just be interested in seeing how fucked of a human being I am.” “Wearing a diaper has been the most exciting thing to have happened to me in a year,” Paige shrugged. “I’m not going to pretend like I’m the sane one here. But I’ve still got plenty of questions for you.” “Shoot.” “So…is your diaper still dry?” That wasn’t the question I was expecting. I seemed to be having good luck with honesty thus far, so that seemed like the track to stay on. “Not really, no.” “Get out of here. Seriously?” I shrugged. “I mean…that’s what they’re for, right?” “It shouldn’t be that weird to me,” she said. “I mean, I’m wearing one too, you know? But, like, you’re really sitting right here next to me? In a pissy diaper?” My head did another perimeter check, scanning for eavesdroppers. The coast continued to be clear, as best as I could tell. “Yup.” “Wow,” she said under her breath. “I kind of love that.” “You could do that too, you know.” She snorted, and her cheeks glowed pink again. “It’s possible, sure. Will I? Eh…I don’t know about that.” “You might like it,” I prodded. “Oh, I’m sure that I will. But I’d need to convince myself that it’s safe to do, first. That’s the tricky part. I’ll work on that. In the meantime…I’m more interested in you and your diapers.” Isn’t that always the case? “Uh, any questions I can answer?” “Have you ever…” Her voice dropped to a near-whisper, her words were just barely audible over the bar’s ambient noise. “...like, pooped? In your diaper?” I didn’t want to, but I laughed out loud–a genuine cackle that got a few eyes on us for a moment. Had I ever pooped? I’d already messed myself twice that very day. “Sorry,” she said, head tilted with confusion. “Is that, like, a weird thing to ask?” “No, no. I just… Yes. I’ve done that.” And, for the sake of transparency, I added: “Often.” Her eyes grew big again. “Really? Like…recently?” “I…wear diapers all the time,” I said to her again. “It happens regularly.” “Even…out in public?” “Yeah.” “Even…when you’re out on dates? At a bar? With a girl you barely know?” “If that’s what my body needs to do, then…yeah.” She smiled and took a huge gulp from her fresh pint. She then waved down the bartender again, pointing at my empty glass to signal that I’d need a new one too. “So, you’re saying that if we sit here and talk long enough…you might just fill your diaper?” “Uhm…” The answer, I supposed, was a little more complicated than that. I could, probably, hold it if I had to–if I knew it was coming. Accidents happened, especially with me, but I had left the house tonight feeling pretty confident that I could avoid any catastrophic messes. But I didn’t think that was the answer she wanted to hear. “I just might,” I shrugged. “Let’s chat for a while,” she said, a devilish smile on her face, “and find out.”

Chapter 100: Editing CROSSING THE THRESHOLD to my previous nest had felt like a trip back to daycare. This somehow felt even more babyish as I looked around the room, though! The walls were painted baby pink on two sides and pale lavender on the other. Above the pods and on every empty space were painted baby unicorns. The baby part was evident with the pacifiers they nursed and the diapers they wore as they frolicked around pastel rainbows. A giant sun with a smiley face was painted on the pink wall where the changing table sat. About fifty percent of the painted creatures and scenery were coated with sparkly glitter paint, making the paintings shimmer oddly as you moved. Whereas the only actual seating in my old nest were the desk chairs, a single rocking chair, and two bean bags, this room featured more bean bags, giant stuffed animals, and… ‘Rocking unicorns?!?’ I thought, realizing what four things were in the middle of one side of the room. Actually, it was then that I realized there was a genuine ‘play area’ part of the room, complete with a giant dollhouse, dolls, doll furniture, and what looked like a play kitchen, too. ‘What the fuck?’ I thought internally. “A bit overwhelming, huh?” Lilly said, bending down to where I’d frozen. Don’t worry; you don’t have to play with any of the dolls. When the dorm was built, the donor insisted that each of the girls’ nests have a play area with plenty of dollhouses and toys for them to destress. I looked up at her in disbelief, “Umm… that seems a bit over the top?” She laughed, “You’re not alone in thinking that, Carly, I just think it’s a bit sexist that the girls got this, but the boys got boring rooms.” Mackenzie shook her head, “If you put this in the boy’s nests, they’d destroy it just to make a point.” “Some of the girls do that already,” Lilly said before looking like she shouldn’t have said that. “So, which pod is mine?” I asked, sighing. ‘Can nanites be programmed to filter out extra sparkles?’ “This one here,” she said, “They just swapped out the mattress and everything. I put new bedding on for you too,” she said. I only noticed then that my name was hand-painted on a piece of white wood with ‘Carly Sparkles.’ All the other girls had their first names and sparkles after theirs, too. The pods were white, with bedding alternating pink or purple across every other pod, mine being purple. Grandma helped me set up my desk with my things and unpacked what clothes I could keep from my life as Connor, taking the rest to her house in case they were needed again. Mackenzie left at some point, but Lilly stayed behind and helped organize everything. “We brought this box of diapers,” Grandma said, “I know you don’t get many Littles Carly’s size here.” “She’s in diapers now?” Lilly asked. “Oh, I guess that message didn’t make it to you. There’s been a side-effect of the poisoning Carly had the week before last… She’s lost her continence now.” Lilly looked at me, clearly unhappy, and said, “I’m so sorry, Carly! This wasn’t a very good weekend for you, was it?” I shrugged, “We finished our film at least?” “You’ll have to tell me all about that later,” she said as Mia and Willow walked in. “Well, hi girls, I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to meet her, but we have a new princess joining our nest!” “Hi, Mia, Willow,” I said. “Sorry, how do we kn…?” Mia started to say. “Connor?!?” Willow asked. “Carly, now,” I said with a groan. “How?” Mia asked. “Long story, but suffice it to say I can’t live in the boys’ nests anymore?” “You’re living here?!?” Mia asked. “Can he do that?” She asked Lilly. “Yes, because she is a little girl just like you! Though her diapee might be a little drier? I’m guessing that’s why you two came back?” Both girls blushed but nodded. “Let’s get those diapees changed then,” she said. Both girls looked uncomfortable, especially as they noticed Grandpa, but that didn’t stop her from picking up each and changing them as we headed out the door to get lunch. “I’ll be back later,” I told her, “Thanks for the help!” Grandpa and Grandma followed me out. Grandpa waited until we were inside the closed elevator to say, “That room is girlier than any of the girls’ nurseries you ever designed, Mandy, and I didn’t think that was possible!” “I always knew things were different in the girl’s nests,” Grandma said, “but I think that’s worse than even if Stacy had been stuck inside one.” I nodded, as I’d heard a few things myself already. “Guess we’ll have to start buying you clothes with unicorns on them so you can match the rest of your nest?” Grandma teased as the doors opened. I slapped my forehead, “I’m going to die of sugar overload!” Grandma and Grandpa took me to lunch in the Union before asking, “Are you doing anything after class besides going to your dorm?” Grandma asked. Remember, I need to take you quickly to student services for that new ID; they said they could update your wrist ID, too.” “Beth and I are supposed to meet up and work on starting to edit everything together,” I told her. “Can we just do that now?” She looked at the time and said, “Maybe? Let me carry you, and we’ll see if they’re open.” I sat in her arms as Grandma hurried to another part of the Union where student services were housed. Fortunately for us, they were open. “Hi, we need to update Carly’s ID,” Grandma told the woman at the desk. “Why?” “She’s Carly Slane now, not Connor Slane?” “And you are?” the woman asked suspiciously. “Professor Amanda Westerfield,” she told her. The woman’s expression was almost comical: “Got it! Carly, come over here and stand on this step stool…” My picture was taken, and the card ID was replaced quickly. The wrist ID was a bit trickier, but she could update that information, too, since it was just a change in name and gender. “Send me a message later so I know you made it back to your nest, okay?” Grandma asked after walking me to my math class. “Okay,” I told her. She bent down to my level, “Tomorrow, you have a doctor’s appointment with Doctor Nickerson after your screenwriting class to see if there’s any change in your situation. We want to give it some time to see if things stabilize first. I’ll meet you outside your class to take you over there.” “Okay,” I said. “I love you, Carly,” she said as she hugged me tightly. “I love you too, Grandma.” I walked into Math Analysis and tried to steel myself for the conversation with yet another class that didn’t recognize me at first… BETH GRABBED LUNCH with Livy and Reila that day, even as she initially kept an eye out for Carly. She received a text, though, saying Amanda and Fred had taken her to lunch after the move. “So, how’d things go this weekend?” Livy asked. “Umm… That’s really hard to answer,” Beth said. “Problems in lover’s lane?” Reila asked. Beth blushed, “Not between us, no?” “Then?” Livy asked. “You’ve got that guilty look like you know your best friends are supposed to know something, but you’re kind of embarrassed to tell us?” “I do not,” she tried to defend herself. “Totally do,” Reila added. She sighed, “Okay, so the filming sucked for the roles for us, but the crew was nice, and things went well. We finished filming everything yesterday, so we’re done with the worst part as long as we don’t need to reshoot something.” “That doesn’t sound like a secret?” Livy pushed. “Argh!” Beth complained, “So the script required Connor to go ahead and get one of the nanite treatments to change his appearance to her appearance.” “Wait, I thought you were the dunce?” Reila said. “Thanks…” Beth shook her head, “I was, but the buddy was a transgender character for some reason. So, to make it real, Connor became Carly. The plan was to have him become a girl for the filming from Saturday through finishing on Sunday, then everything would be reversed.” “Oh…” Livy said, “Reversing didn’t go so well?” Beth ran her hand through her hair nervously, “No, and that was only part of it…?” “So your boyfriend is now a girlfriend? Are you willing to try and make that work?” Livy asked. Beth bit her lip but nodded, “I think so? She’s still the same person?” “That’s so totally sweet,” Reila said. “Right answer!” “Something else, though?” Livy asked. “So the nanites also reactivated a side-effect from that stupid LittleGo Plus that that bitch poisoned him with. His potty training is effectively gone forever at the moment.” “That sucks,” Reila said. “Yeah… So you willing to date someone who you have to change their diapers?” Beth nodded, “That, of course, had its own problem. I’m just starting my period, and those stupid hormones were turning the mommy me completely nuts this morning.” “Oh!” Livy said, “You have one Amazon parent, so I guess that’s why?” Beth noted Livy didn’t say which parent. Truthfully, her true biological father had been, so she nodded, “Maybe?” “So wait, you haven’t like…?” Reila asked, pointing to her chest. Beth blushed, “No!!!” She felt her stomach turn, “Mine won’t, right?” Livy shrugged, “Who knows? Betweeners have odd genes. Sometimes, we’re more like Littles; otherwise, the stupid Amazon genes express themselves. You probably need to have a conversation with him… I mean, she to warn her?” “Yeah,” Beth agreed. “Beth, why does that woman over there keep staring at us? She looks a little too old to be a college student.” Beth turned and saw Nikki, “I guess there was one other thing since I saw you… That’s Nikki, my bodyguard…” I WAS GRATEFUL as I finished my math class, and I was able to get free of any taller interventions. Doctor Nash had announced an upcoming quiz, and every other student apparently panicked as they all rushed her at the end with questions and attempts to get tutoring. I had surreptitiously checked my diaper during class and knew that the drinks I had at lunch had run right through me and into the diaper. I was grateful to find Beth coming out of her own class, as we had plans to go work on editing the film. “Hi, Carly,” Beth said, closely followed by Livy. “Hi, Beth,” I said. I blushed at Livy’s shocked expression as she knelt before me, “Oh, my gosh, you’re adorable!!!” “Thanks,” I said nervously. “Sorry you had this happen,” Livy said, “But at least you are cute!” I sighed, “There is that!” “You ready to go work on the project?” Beth asked. I nodded, “We should try and get started at least?” “I booked two hours of editing time already, so we can get a start,” Beth told me. “Join us for dinner?” Beth suggested to Livy. “Can’t tonight, but I’ll take a raincheck!” She said with a smile. She gave me a friendly hug, “Welcome to the better side of life,” she winked. Beth looked down at me, “Need a change first?” She asked quietly to avoid passing students from hearing. I sighed and nodded, “Please? If you don’t mind? I can go to one of the stations if you do?” She surprised me by picking me up and placing me on her hip, whispering, “No stupid HoloNanny is going to change my girlfriend!” I blushed but comfortably sat on her hip as she carried me to the nearest bathroom. Three changing stations were available, and Beth placed me on the cleanest-looking one. “Let’s get you into a dry diapee!” she said with a smile. “Can you hand me one and some wipees from your bag?” “What’s with the mommy vibes?” I asked her as I handed her a diaper and a packet of wipes from my backpack. “Sorry, Con… Carly,” she looked sheepish, “Sorry about the wrong name there too. Since it’s my time of the month, apparently, the maternal instincts are coming out. I really am trying to tamp them down.” “I didn’t realize you had that much Big in you,” I told her as she gently pushed me onto my back. “I didn’t either,” she admitted. “It’s weird, and I’m sorry. I was incredibly distracted in class this morning since I couldn’t help but think I’d been a little crazy with you.” She pushed up the skirt of my jumper dress and unbuttoned the onesie top to reveal my soaked diaper. A moment later, she pushed the top and the jumper almost up to my arms to get them out of the way so she could reach the diaper. “You really soaked this thing!” She smiled at me. “Sorry,” I said. “It’s frightening how quickly I went from full control to less than a baby.” She kissed my head, “Nothing you can do about it! Do you need to go anymore?” I shrugged, “I can’t feel it to tell you?” She made a face, looked around the room, and then suddenly attacked my belly with her fingers without warning! “Beth!!!” I complained, “Stop!” After a little bit, she did and said, “I guess you did need to go some more…” I groaned, “Surely there are less torturous ways to make me pee myself?” “Maybe, but not as fun for me!” She kissed me on the nose and returned to opening the diaper. She was thorough but quick with the rest of the change. Soon, buttoning up the onesie, pulled the skirt down and placed me on the ground. “Okay, let’s go get to work?” she said. I nodded. It was a bit of a hike to the Matisse Center, but not horrible. I appreciated that she controlled the maternal instincts that seemed to suddenly flair and let me walk beside her. While we walked, we talked about our classes and other things. “How’s the new nest?” Beth asked. “Imagine the girliest preschool bedroom you could imagine? Filled with unicorns, rainbows, and sparkles?” She grimaced, “Okay?” “Now give that a shot of some crazy drug, call it a sparkle enhancing super powered formula, then concentrate that and inject the whole world with it!” “That bad, huh?” “I’m not kidding about unicorns or the sparkles,” I shook my head. “It was bad enough being fox kits in the other nest; we’re literally baby unicorns. I looked it up. Apparently, some people call those ‘sparkles’ instead of colts?” I shuddered, “My baby sisters wouldn’t have even wanted it in their girliest of fantasies!” She laughed at me then. “Seriously… and then did you know the girl’s nests have ‘play areas?’” She looked at me as if this was new to her. “What do you mean?” “One part of the room has a couple of gigantic dollhouses and a play area straight from a daycare!” “That’s scary,” Beth said. “I didn’t know that, though; I wonder if anyone actually plays with them?” I shrugged in response. “Who’s in the nest?” I shrugged, “I don’t know all of them; I do know two girls from my dimension are in there. They were a bit nervous, I think, when they figured out who I was, since to them, I’m effectively a boy moving in?” “They’ll get over it as soon as they see you naked?” Beth suggested. I blushed, “I hope so?” Fortunately, the editing studio we had booked was in front of us, so I was able to avoid having any other embarrassing discussions over girly nests and naked me! When I entered the room, I couldn’t help but peek around to ensure there were no surprise former crew members before climbing onto an adjustable-height chair at a computer console. The editing setup was similar to what I’d experienced back home but definitely more advanced! A HoloScreen that felt large due to its proximity to the user was set in the middle. To the right and left of the main screen were ten smaller screens that could display two-dimensional images for quick scanning of views and proofs and synced video to choose views. On the desk itself was a complicated series of touch screens that displayed a series of edit controls and options. I was amused as I activated the console that a holographic set of physical controls like a joystick and wheel were still available, which I assumed were meant to help control views and zoom in. There was even an obvious interface for EdgeSphere goggles! We’d been given an overview of the suite of tools in class, but this was my first real solo venture, and I was looking forward to playing! “What’s first?” Beth asked as she pulled another tall chair up beside mine. “We need to log in first,” I said, pulling up the screen and inputting my credentials. That took us into the system, and I could log into the special server for the projects. My eyes watered over the space the files occupied, but I was able to bring a list of cuts up onto one of the side panels. “Do you have your hard copy of the script by chance?” I asked her. She nodded, pulling out a binder. “Any reason you want a hard copy?” I shrugged, “I feel like it’s easier to make sure we get everything?” She nodded at that, “Okay, now what?” “Now… let’s look for the first clip…?” To my amazement, every clip was already self-labeled with Scene, Take, Length, and even good and bad take marks on the sheet. I knew a couple crew members traded off with a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ rating on the takes, but no one, as far as I could see, had entered the rest of the data? ‘Must have been a setting in the studio? I’m guessing it caught and transcribed the data when they spoke at the beginning of the takes? Talk about a time saver!’ Beth and I soon devised an edit decision list for the first scene. “Okay, let’s take this wide view of you first?” I said to Beth as I started selecting the clips from one take and populated all of them on the outside monitors while choosing the clip I wanted first in the middle. It took us the better part of fifty minutes to edit the first prologue scene, finding the best camera coverage for each line and action. “All of that for a couple of minutes of film?” Beth asked, eventually becoming somewhat exasperated. I laughed, “There will be worse, Beth. At least we didn’t have to worry about special effects?” “This is going to take forever!” she whined. “Probably,” I smiled, “Let’s get it done!” Beth and I worked the entire two hours we had the studio reserved, saved our progress, and headed to dinner. We had sat down at one of the mixed-height tables with our food about a minute before Amy and Mia walked up. “Hi, Con… Carly?” Mia said. “Hi, Mia, Hi, Amy,” I said. “May we join you?” Amy asked. I nodded, “Please!” We sat for a few minutes eating before the elephant in the room roared, “So, is it really true you’re a girl now?” Amy asked I nodded. “This dimension is insane!!! Why did we volunteer to come?” Mia said sadly. “Are you not finding anything positive?” Beth asked. “Well… not really. I’m in my Early Childhood Education classes, but half of them have been more about caring for Littles like me rather than young children! My professor even wanted me to…” She stopped and looked embarrassed. ‘Probably play baby for them?’ I thought to myself. I nodded to her, “I honestly worried about that when you introduced yourself before we came?” “How much did you know?” Amy asked. “I mean about how nuts everything is?” “Probably just about everything?” I said. “My mom came here…?” “So anyway, I guess you get to be in our nest now… go sparkles!” Amy said sarcastically. “Is Lilly at least better a better nest mother?” I asked quietly. “Much,” Mia said. “At least we don’t have forced playtime like in our other nest?” “That is so bizarre! She actually made you play with the dolls?” I asked. “Not just that, she made us pretend we were young enough to do stupid things like play house too… I hated that when I was a kid, for real!” Amy griped. The four of us talked for thirty minutes while we ate and gradually moved back to conversations that were more normal for college students. Time did tick on, though, and eventually, Mia said, “I’m going to head to the nest,” Mia stood, “I need to study and get some sleep.” I looked at Beth before turning to Mia. “Would you Mind if I walked back with you, Mia?” “Umm… sure, Amy, you going back too?” “Yeah, might as well,” Amy replied. “Beth, I’m going to go with them to see how things go tonight. I’ll message you later if I am able?” I looked at Beth as I stood. “I’ll hold you to that!” Beth told me while giving me a quick hug. With that, the three of us headed for the exit. We’d just barely walked inside the doors of Sanders Hall, though, when I felt my body stop on autopilot and crouch. A moment later, I could feel my diaper filled to the sides and the back with a gooey poop that was more liquid than solid for some reason. It was horrifyingly disgusting to have it on my butt! “Guess you really are back to diapers like the rest of us?” Mia asked me a moment later on the way up to our floor. I grimaced, “Unfortunately…” +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Thanks for reading! Please press that Like Button and leave a comment! I'm ahead of you all with writing, but I felt a couple of weeks ago when I wrote this that it was a big moment for me with this work! I know for certain that I'll divide the completed work into several books for publishing, but it definitely is a milestone in the work to me! As of this chapter, I'm now about 2/3rds of the way through Chapter 120 (357k words right now). Beginning this week, I'm going to be pulling back to just my two chapters a week as long as I can keep writing at least that many per week. Moving into May and June, my writing season tends to end as I get very busy in real life for the next six months leading to the end of the year. If I'm going to have too much of a gap with chapters I'll pull things back to one chapter a week to dole it out more. All that being said, PLEASE press the like button and comment! It helps me stay loaded with that wonderful Dopamine inside my brain that conditions me to keep writing for you all! As always, if you have enjoyed my writing but haven't purchased it yet, all completed works are available on Amazon Kindle! http://amazon.com/author/babysofia

I'm posting this from my phone, so hopefully it's not weirdly formatted! Enjoy! Chapter Sixteen The next day, Ms. Akiyama made another trip to Brighter days to pick up her supplies. That night, Ms. Akiyama made one of Rei’s favorite dinners: a simple spaghetti with meat sauce. As she cooked, she thought back to her conversation with Emma the day before. “Now,” Emma had said, “a girl like Rei is likely to get very suspicious if you suddenly start trying to get her to take new medications. For less resistant girls, we often suggest parents start giving them a ‘vitamin supplement,’ but even this is likely to set off Rei’s suspicions, don’t you think?” Ms. Akiyama had nodded agreement, “how do we get her to take the medicines then?” Stepping away from the stove, Ms. Akiyama checked the living room to make sure Rei wasn’t there, then walked up to the base of the stairs; Rei’s bedroom door was closed, meaning Rei was safely and obliviously inside. On her way back to the kitchen, she grabbed the white paper bag Brighter Days had sent her home with out of her purse. Back in the kitchen, she withdrew three glass bottles with droppers out of the bag, crumpled the latter, and tossed it in the trash. “Well,” Emma had sounded almost excited, “we actually have a brand new tool in our arsenal just for girls like Rei. We’ve formulated the medicines we use into tasteless, odorless liquids.” Ms. Akiyama filled a bowl with noodles and ladled the red sauce over it. “You’ll want to add three drops of each medication. The first is a minor muscle relaxer that is formulated to specifically target the bladder, making it just a little easier for her body to overcome her potty training.” Ms. Akiyama carefully counted out three drops of the first medication. “The second is a minor sleep agent to make sure she sleeps very deeply; this will help the induction take root. And finally, diuranuretine, which is the generic name for Tinklex, which I’m sure you’ll be familiar with from the commercials. This medicine will really seal the deal. Make sure you do not give her more than the prescribed dose, or you might be dealing with wet pants before you’re ready, okay?” Ms. Akiyama added the last medication with the care of a rocket scientist working with extremely volatile chemicals. She gave the top of the sauce a light stir to mix in the liquid, then held the bowl up to her nose; sure enough, she couldn’t smell a thing wrong with it. “Rei!” She called when everything was done and set on the table (and the bottles of medicine safely stowed in the very back of the spice cabinet), “dinner!” The two made polite small talk about their days as Ms. Akiyama watched her daughter eat the laced spaghetti. She felt a pang of guilt in her gut, but said nothing, even as Rei mopped up the last of her sauce with a piece of garlic bread. With dinner done, Rei excused herself from the table, citing having more homework that she had to attend to, and Ms. Akiyama didn’t see her again until she came out of her room a few hours later to announce that she was going to bed and wish her mother goodnight. An hour later, Ms. Akiyama crept up the stairs, the white noise machine in hand. “Rei?” She whispered as she cracked the door to her daughter’s bedroom, “Are you awake?” The only response was the sound of Rei’s long, deep breaths. Tiptoeing, Ms. Akiyama made her way across her daughter’s room, set the machine on her nightstand, found the outlet behind it, and plugged the machine in. “Don’t worry about hiding it,” Emma had said, “part of the standard induction package is to make the girls think it’s been there all along. After all, many people have trouble sleeping without white noise!” Low static filled the room, and Ms. Akiyama got out as quickly as she could.   Chapter Seventeen Rei’s head jerked up and a bit of panic rose in her chest. She was sitting in class and her professor was droning on about something she couldn’t quite force herself to pay attention to. She must have dozed off for a moment. In front of her, Jennifer Duffy scribbled notes with the crinkled waistband of her diaper sticking out at least two inches above the top of her skirt. Rei could remember when a girl Jennifer’s age would have been mortified to have their diaper showing, now it seemed to be a fashion statement. Speaking of, Rei had to pee. Slipping out of her chair, Rei quietly and quickly made her way to the door, trying to distract her fellow students as little as possible. “Rei?” Her professor stopped mid-lecture to call her out as she weaved between desks, “where are you going?” “Um, sorry, just going to the restroom,” Rei replied, squeezing between two desks that were particularly close together only to find the next two desks two close together to squeeze between, she turned and tried another direction. “And were you going to ask for permission?” The strap of a backpack tangled Rei’s foot and she almost went down, but caught herself on her professor’s desk, finding herself face to face with the man. She tried not to huff in frustration; most professors in college didn’t make students ask to use the restroom, Rei must have forgotten this one did. “May I go to the restroom?” She asked. “Absolutely not,” he replied, “just use your diaper and you can change after class.” Rei stared at him, slightly aghast. “Sir, I don’t wear diapers.” “No?” He looked at her confused, then let his eyes wander downward. He sighed, “well, if you truly must, you can use the restroom,” he reluctantly acquiesced before going back to his lecture. With relief, Rei turned to walk away from the desk, only to find her way blocked by Jennifer Duffy. “You can use one of mine,” she said, her tone helpful as she held up a bright white plastic rectangle of fluff. “Ew,” Rei sneered at the girl, pushed past her, and finally found herself in the hallway outside the classroom. Except…wait… “Where am I?” She didn’t recognize this hall, and it seemed to stretch out to the left and right infinitely. Where was the nearest bathroom? She chewed her lip and crossed her legs as she considered her options. Neither seeming more promising than the other, she picked right, and made her way down the hallway. The hallway was lined with doors on each side, and Rei glanced through the tiny windows in each door as she passed. Behind each one, a class was in progress. She stopped when she got to one that was clearly not a college class. About a dozen girls around Rei’s age dressed in juvenile clothing sat in a circle while a middle-aged woman in pencil skirt and blouse read to them from a picture book. Since when did her college offer elementary school classes? Slightly confused but mostly dismayed by this news, Rei continued down the hall. “Rei!” A voice came from behind her. Rei turned to find Riley running up to her. “Hey, Rei,” she said breathlessly as she caught up, “wanna go to the mall?” Rei chewed her lip and looked down the hall behind Riley, then back towards the way she was going. “Did you see a restroom that way?” She asked Riley. “No, why?” “I need to pee,” Rei responded matter-of-factly. Riley seemed to think for a moment, then grabbed Rei by the wrist and started dragging her down the hall back the way she had come, “I think I know where one is,” she called over her shoulder as she turned right down a hallway Rei would have sworn wasn’t there a moment ago. Riley dragged Rei through the unchanging hallways, turning left and right seemingly at random. Rei’s legs pumped hard to keep up with the other girl, and her need to pee became more desperate with each jarring step. “Here we go!” Riley stopped so suddenly Rei almost collided with her. “The bathroom!” She gestured to a small alcove where, sure enough, were two doorways: a men’s bathroom and a women’s. “Finally,” Rei said, pulling her wrist from Rei’s hand and pushing open the door to the women’s bathroom. Except, the room beyond wasn’t a bathroom at all. The long, narrow room had six adult sized changing tables, three on each side of the room. Two were currently in use; girl’s Rei’s age laid atop them while women in white nurse’s uniforms changed their diapers. “Hi,” a third nurse greeted them, “which one of you needs your diaper changed?” Rei just shook her head and slowly backed out of the room. “Rei?” Riley said, watching Rei as she backed up, “where are you going? Didn’t you need to be changed?” Cold sweat dripped down her forehead. Rei looked to her right, then made a break for the men’s room. As long as it had a toilet, she didn’t care. She burst through the door and into a typical bathroom. Sighing with relief, she dashed to one of the stalls and tugged the door open. Or tried to; it was stuck fast. “Rei?” Riley and the nurse had followed her in, and the former was smiling calmly at her, “come on, it’s okay. The nurse will take care of you.” “I don’t wear diapers!” Rei shouted, but even as she did she felt her bladder spasm and push a squirt of pee out into her panties. Her hands darted to her crotch and she pressed her legs together. “Uh oh,” the nurse said in the same tone of voice you’d use with a toddler in Rei’s predicament, “look like she’s about to have an accident.” “Go on, Rei,” Riley said encouragingly, “just let it go, then we can get you changed.” Rei shot up in bed, panting and covered in cold sweat. What a fucking dream. As her breathing slowed down, she became aware of how painfully full her bladder was. No wonder she had been dreaming about it. Throwing her covers off herself, Rei got out of bed and hobbled with her thighs pressed tightly together to the bathroom down the hall from her bedroom. Relief washed over her as she flopped down on the toilet, her bladder releasing the second she did. Her business done, Rei wiped, stood up, flushed the toilet, pulled her pants back up, and froze. Her panties were just slightly damp. She remembered starting to lose control in her dream and realized that must have been real. She didn’t need a mirror to know how bright red her cheeks got at this discovery. Gotta be more careful about what I drink before bed, Rei thought as she made her way back to her bedroom. The last thing she wanted was for her bedwetting to come back. Somewhere in her mind, she wondered if she should be more concerned about this; after all, this was the…what? Second? Third time this week? Or was it? She had the distinct feeling this wasn’t her first close call lately, but her mind was too foggy with sleepiness to mull it over sufficiently. Rei got back in bed, pulled the covers over her, snuggled into them, and let the gentle sound of falling raindrops from her white noise machine lull her back to sleep.

Katie Ann What do you do when you look seven years old but you’re actually a college student in your late teens? For Kathleen’s entire life, she had fought against people treating her much younger than her actual age. Feeling obligated to grow up fast to show people she wasn’t the age of her size, Kathleen never let her inner child out. Tired of fighting against the world, she explores the adult submissive world. What she finds, however, is an enjoyment of regression. Had she made a mistake? Would life be better if she just let people treat her the way she looks at seven years old? By Becky Anne ©2018-2024 ~o~O~o~ Chapter Thirty-Three: I Am Katie To You The next morning, Katie Ann rolled over and tried to figure out how she got from the car to being in bed, complete with the bedrail up. Still laying in her bed hugging her new mouse, she tried to figure out if being regressed constantly was a good thing. She wondered if being her real age of nineteen was even possible for her anymore. She was soon distracted from her thoughts by the noise of the bathroom door opening. “Morning, little girl, you sleep well?” Allison answered, putting the bedrail away. Katie answered, “Yes, I did. Hey Ally?” After getting a reply, she continued, “I would like to grow up to possibly go home to my folks.” Ally questioned the possible nature of the trip. Continuing, Katie replied, as she got out of bed, “I haven’t called them to see if they are busy yet.” “Kath, as previously discussed, nothing is stopping you from growing up. I will notify Tiff you have grown up. Would you still like me to take your padding off?” “First, child or college student, I am still Katie Ann. I will remove it and undress myself if you will undo my buttons on the back of my nightie.” Remembering that she has developed a bedwetting issue, she continued. “On the same subject, can I borrow your diaper bag?” Ally answered with a shocked tone as she unbuttoned the nightie, “Yes, you may, but may I ask why if you are growing up?” “I don’t want to have a wet bed, Ally,” Katie answered meekly. With that being said, Katie took some of her more adult-looking girls' clothes, complete with panties and bra set, into the bathroom. Coming back into the dorm room half-dressed, she had Ally remove the blinder before continuing to finish getting dressed. After taking a quick second to contact her parents, she packed an overnight bag, complete with the diaper bag. She also packed the lavender dress she wore to college from church at the beginning of last month. She walked into the cluster and said goodbye to her friends, including Tiff and Ally, telling them she would be home the next day. After a quick stop at breakfast, she continued to where her car was parked before starting the hour-long drive to Clearwater. ~o~O~o~ “Hello, sweetie. Let me help you with your bags. Ummm… Is that what I think it is? Is Adam requiring you to be diapered all the time?” Katie’s Mother questioned. Katie answered with a red face, “If you think it is a diaper bag, you are correct. No, Adam does not require me to be diapered when I am not with him. Tiff and Ally convinced me to wear one at night because I developed a bed-wetting issue.” “So what exactly happened for you to come running home, Princess?” Marlene questioned her daughter as she hung the dress up. She purposely ignored the pink elephant that was just revealed to her, figuring now was not the time to discuss that. Katie answered meekly, “Can’t I come home to socialize with you and Dad?” “Yes, you may, Princess. But you only came home every other month in your freshman year to wash laundry, and so far, I haven't seen any dirty laundry this year.” Marlene replied with a suspicious tone. The college student sighed and told her mother, “I have no dirty laundry or homework with me, Mother.” “Something is wrong with her. Did she have a fight with Adam? I will figure this out later.” Marlene thought to herself. Continuing, she said, “It is a nice day. How about we go to the zoo?” Shrugging, Katie answered favorably to the idea, so the two ladies meandered slowly towards Marlene’s car. Katie told her mother to wait for a second and ran towards her car to pick up her booster seat. When questioned about it, she responded with the fact she felt more secure in a car with the car seat. At the ticket booth, the lady behind the window asked Marlene if it was just her and the child. Katie handed her ‘Hanna Zoo ID to the apparently new employee since she had never seen the lady before. She continued by saying, “One volunteer and one discounted adult, please.” Hesitatingly, the lady replied, “I am new here. Let me get a manager to help you.” Going to the radio, she used it to say, “TB3 to M.I.C. V1, over.” After getting a reply, she continued, “I have what looks to be a grade school girl handing me a volunteer pass, over,” which caused Katie to blush in response. “Let Kathleen in, and tell her I will be there in a second to talk to her. V1 out.” the radio squawked back. After walking into the zoo, Katie was greeted by Mark, the volunteer coordinator. “Kathleen, any chance you can volunteer during your Christmas break?” he asked her. “I will have to check the schedule with someone I previously promised my time to, Mr. Cooper,” Katie replied. Continuing, she said, “Let me text them, and I will text you with the days I am available.” Her boss continued with, “Also, don't forget that you have to be at the board meeting on December 21st for your milestone award, Kath.” “I won’t forget Mr. Cooper,” Katie answered. ~o~O~o~ “Mommie, is that my best friend, Katie?” Stacy asked. Sara looked at the young girl her daughter was pointing at. The girl, who was busy typing away on her phone, definitely looked like her adopted Niece. She was more used to seeing the hair in pigtails than the high ponytail with a bow, which was how the girl’s hair was currently done. However, those tiny bumps on the girl's chest were definitely not something she was used to seeing. Looking at her daughter, she said, “I believe that is but isn’t your best friend. It is someone you have never technically met but know about, sweetie.” Stacy puzzled over that for a minute before realizing who her mother was talking about. Walking up to her friend, she waited for her to stop typing away. “Hello, Kathleen,” She said. Katie replied with a smirk, “Hello, Anastasia,” before hugging Stacy. “Hey, what is with the full name, Kath?" “You tell me, you started it, brat,” while sticking her tongue out. Stacy replied with a puzzled tone that she thought the older name was Kathleen. Her friend replied that she was always Katie to her, no matter her age. Meanwhile, the adults were introducing themselves to each other. Sara asked Marlene if Katie had come home often while at college. “No, and I am quite confused by this trip home. She only came home in her freshman year to do laundry. Which she didn’t bring with her today.” Marlene answered before pausing to ask, “Did Adam and her fight?” “Adam does her laundry, and about the fight, not that I know,” Sara stated. She pointed out that she heard that Katie refused babysitting duties yesterday because she was currently regressed. After texting her neighbor, she got a reply that there was no fight that he knew of. “Girls, how about we start meandering around the Zoo,” Sara said to the two girls. Katie replied, “Ok, Auntie,” before dragging her best friend towards the nearby red fox exhibit. “That one is Cailin, which means girl in Irish. Prionsa is our male. His name means Prince.” She educated her best friend. “Adam texted me back. He pointed out that Allison said Katie just told her that she wanted to grow up to see you two. No reason was given,” Sara told Marlene while the two girls slowly went from exhibit to exhibit. She continued by questioning Marlene about what she knew about this unexplained trip. Marlene replied, “She is grown up, but she brought her diaper bag and booster seat. She told me she just came home to see us.” “I seem to remember Tiffany and Allison saying that she had been constantly young at college. I don’t have Allison’s phone number, so I have been using Adam as a go-between. When I asked when the last time Katie was truly grown up, he told me his sources say the beginning of September before he picked her up the first time,” Sara quietly told Marlene while Stacy was getting information about the polar bears. “Are you and your daughter busy after this? If not, please come to my house, and we will confront Kath,” Marlene offered. “Sounds good to me. On other subjects, how are you with your daughter being regressed by Adam?” Sara questioned in a whisper while following the impromptu tour guide. She was having trouble seeing her guide as anything but the seven-year-old she was used to. Marlene slowly, as if she was finding the words, explained, “At first, we were not sure about his intentions. He was upfront with us from the beginning that he was going to test her commitment, and then slowly regress her since everyone already saw her as a child. He had planned on it taking a lot longer than it apparently took. I am told she was happily regressed that first weekend, ‘TIL she noticed they were in our driveway. He explained by regressing her, he hoped she would be happy with her body build.” Breathing, she continued, “He did tell us other masters would do worse stuff with her since she was the perfect look for legal pedophile fantasies. He explained to us that she definitely wouldn't enjoy those fantasies. Especially since she would rather not be in a sexual relationship.” Following the two girls to another exhibit, she sighed and said, “Nothing against Adam, but we were not exactly pleased to find out our innocent angel had put a personal ad on what we would classify as a sex site. He pleaded with us to not inform Kath that we knew. That almost didn’t happen. She almost got grounded. Even though she was technically an adult. She was also already at college by the time he contacted us.” “Hey, it is the famous Kathleen. How is college?” The small party heard a redhead in the feed booth address them. Katie answered her coworker, “College is great, Heather. Can I have two portions of goat feed, please?” The petite girl was having trouble getting her coworker to accept payment. Shrugging, she just accepted the pellets. While the two girls went to feed the goats, the mothers continued talking. “How well informed are you kept out of curiosity?” Sara asked. “Adam calls us every time he returns her to college, and Kath calls us at least weekly. Some weeks, multiple times. I have noticed one thing this year compared to last year. She has not been begging for money on the calls this year like she was last year.” Marlene answered. “How are you with your daughter wearing padding?” Sara asked, continuing the discussion. Marlene looked where the two girls were petting goats before slowly saying, “Kath seems to not mind it. She even brought a diaper bag home with her on this trip. I guess it could be worse. She could be almost naked in leathers. As for my husband and I, we were not exactly happy at first. Even though we had advance notice, it was going to happen. Since Kath doesn’t seem to mind, we have grown used to the idea.” “I have known Adam since he was in elementary school. He dated my sister on and off in his high school years. He is completely harmless and wouldn’t hurt a fly. Well … truthfully … my butt can attest that isn’t exactly true. If he is dealing with spankings, he can turn your butt quite red. But he has never spanked Katie, at least as far as I know. Allison and I got those spankings.” Sara explained. Marlene questioned, “There has to be more to that spanking story.” Sara told the story of how she almost ruined at least two relationships and caused Ally to want to drop out of college just by opening up her big fat mouth with a bad joke. “But on the diaper front, I can tell you since he usually leaves his curtains wide open, I can assure you Katie isn’t the only person he has put in diapers,” Sara explained as the girls were crawling into a tube that let them pop into the rabbit exhibit. Marlene, with a shocked tone, exclaimed, “He is cheating on Kathleen?” “No, no, no, he is not cheating on Katie. I last saw the last one at the beginning of July. Your daughter appeared in mid-September.” Sara tried to reassure her Niece's mother. Marlene nodded before trying to change the subject to find the relationship between the two girls. When she found out that the two girls were best friends, she started quizzing Sara about her daughter. They slowly followed the girls around the zoo as they talked. ~o~O~o~ “George, we are home, and we brought guests,” Marlene told her husband. After waiting for him to walk up to them, she introduced the Bullards to him. “Now, if you will join us,” she continued to him, “we are going to interrogate a certain nineteen-year-old in the Living Room.” Katie got a shocked look on her face, “Me? What did I do?”

Hey everyone! Looking ahead at my schedule, there is no way I’ll have another chapter up tomorrow at this point. With St. Patrick’s Day celebrations this year, I might be able to write a bunch, but I don’t think editing would be my best bet. That being said, another chapter should be up Sunday. Next, as noted previously, I wanted to post the ideas for the next story on here sooner rather than later to give more people the opportunity to pitch in for what story they want to see next from me. I will be using the same stories I pitched from last time that weren’t chosen, but I have chosen not to include the third installment of the ‘CON’ series in these options. I’m working hard on it to keep it fresh in my mind, but I want a little more time between the stories. For now, and your future reading pleasure, though, here are the ideas: Age Regression Story For a yet to be named story, follow Peter as he deals with a world and a life that has been infected with the age regression virus. Coming off the heels of a terrorist attack, grapple with Peter as he tries to cope with his descending age and the realities that come along with it. Only time will tell if he bounces above or below the age where one begins to lose themselves truly to the whims of their new and younger body. Bethany Set as a semi-sequel to The Opening, follow former drug runner, Bethany, as she strives to find herself a better life that has been promised in the newly discovered dimension, tentatively called, ‘The Amazon Dimension,’ though some have begun calling it another name due to the ever-increasing rumors of something awaiting all portal Littles on the other side. Join Bethany as she looks to turn her life around there and maybe even find a redemption of sorts and something else in the most unexpected of ways. Watch out though, in this new world, new and even greater dangers than the ones she left lurk around every corner. Tell Me More Sequel With this shorter story, continue with Dr. Trisha Mengell from Tell Me More as she dives further into the lives of her patients following the FOY incident over a year ago now. All seems as well as can be with her various Little patients until she notices a frightening pattern begins to develop over time during each session. While it could be nothing and just a fluke in the city or her patient’s mind’s turning softer and more imaginative, follow the good doctor as she explores the truth behind what she might suspect within the very system that she herself is a part of. Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter! Chapter 4: First and Smashed The next morning came as swiftly as a tornado of fate that had just arrived in my life. I met Pete just as he had promised, and without any clue to where I was going after, he then guided me to the back room. The sun had barely begun to peek into the windows lining one side of the hallway here, but we still had to be careful. Mrs. Gillies was still on her night shift, and while she rarely took over that role, she was about twice as thorough as most of the other staff. From how the other toys were acting last night, it was just about a miracle that she hadn’t walked in on us during the council deliberations. Regardless, Pete then led me to a room that I had never been in before. From my quick glance around at all the power tools, various supplies, and equipment needed to keep this place running, I knew it had to be the maintenance room. Before I had a chance to speak up about what we were doing here, a single spider toy hopped down off the towering nearby workbench. They were an odd combination of both fluff, like Pete and I were, and plastic. Despite the oddity though, it seemed to do the spider before us very well as he stretched his limbs all around in a dizzying display when he landed. “Evening, Pete. Is this here my morning appointment from the council meeting last night?” Pete nodded. “It is, Sam.” He then turned to me. “Dash, this is Sam… Sam the spider. He’s our operations and maintenance man around here. He knows just about every toy schematic out there and we try to lean on him as much as possible to fix us when we’re broken… that way, it’s much less likely we’ll be thrown in the garbage that way.” “Oh… I see…” I looked back at the black and even slightly fuzzy, or maybe even hairy, spider before me. I didn’t have a phobia of them or anything, and I knew he was just another toy like me, but I couldn’t help but get the creeps over watching each of his limbs articulate about the place. “Hey, Sam… I uh, I guess we just need to get this over with, huh?” Sam promptly nodded and his eight legs bent slightly downward as he did so. “Precisely. Now just turn over and I’ll be done in a jiffy.” I tremendously hesitated at his request, thinking all this was going to be more official… or at least more sterile when I had first agreed to it. After a little encouragement from Pete though, I finally did as Sam had requested. “Perfect!” Sam shouted before I then heard a loud series of bangs, clangs, and items being dragged on the floor. I could only really see the crack of the door and the expanding rays of light from the morning begin to creep in, but the sounds going on behind me and I suppose even directly with my behind, were enough for me to be nervous as it was. “Geez! It’s just two things you’re removing from me, right?” I asked, feeling mighty uncomfortable as Sam dug into my back and popped me open like one would a turkey. “Just stay still for me, Dash, but to answer your question, yes,” Sam replied as another grinding noise could be heard, this one far closer and more uncomfortable. “You newer toys are just a whole bunch of parts in here that are designed to squish and squeeze, but then that old man Paul and his dog Buster really messed you up inside. If I’m not careful, you could lose a lot more than just the ability of your pulses. I’m talikin’ the ability to walk at all with all the gunk that could wrong.” With that final statement, I made sure to tightly shut my mouth for fear of screwing Sam up as he worked on me. I knew Pete’s plan was better than anything I had, but right then, I wondered just how much I would have to endure until I ‘came out on the other side.’ “There!” Sam said exhaustedly after another ten minutes or so. “Got the little sucker that’s the root of all your pulses.” “That’s what you’ve been going for?” I asked in haste. My back continually felt like it was being ripped apart and put back together again. It was pure agony, but I held onto the notion that after this, it would all be over. With his last statement, I wasn’t so sure anymore. Sam chuckled back. “Oh heavens, no, Dash. I got your battery pack out in the first minute I was looking back here. The microchip was the real challenge. That’s why I couldn’t have you moving around… too many possibilities for making a mistake on my part. And I’m not a spider who makes mistakes.” He then leaned forward and thrusted out one of his many legs… or maybe arms? I wasn’t sure, but regardless, I soon saw the tiny component no bigger than about half the size of just one of my still useless and malfunctioning claws. “That’s it?” I asked as Sam retracted the part back to where he was operating on me. “That’s it. Now just hold still and… there!” In seconds, I almost felt like I was being zipped back up into my own skin. It was a very peculiar and unnerving feeling, but oddly, after, I felt much better. More… for lack of a better word, complete than I had since I had woken up this morning. “Now then, just make sure you can get up for me and can still move around.” I nodded and slowly got to my feet. I felt a little unsteady as I did so, but by now, I thought it was just my nerves more than his tinkering. “Feels okay… little wobbly, but I think that should pass…” I then turned back around to face Pete and Sam, who were now both grinning at me. “Looks good to me,” Pete noted after seeing me spin around. Sam used one of his appendages to stroke his chin. “Hmmm… I think your motor controls are fine. I didn’t really go near them, but never hurts just to see. How about your pulses? Can you test them out for me before you head out?” I was immediately confused. “Wait… I thought you just removed my ability to do enable them? Am I wrong? Was all this for something else instead?” Sam shook his head. “Not at all, Dash, but I closed your circuits after removing your batteries and the microchip. I want to be sure you can’t use your pulses, and just in case if you do accidentally, you won’t start a fire.” “Oh… I guess here goes nothing then.” I concentrated and tried to access my units to activate my pulses about as hard as I could. I was nearly convinced I was about to blow a circuit just then, but after about a minute and to my relief, nothing happened. Sam and Pete quickly looked relieved themselves. “Perfect!” Sam exuded happily. “No smoke or anything like that I can see, and from your expression, I doubt your pulses worked either.” I nodded my head to confirm his suspicions. “Excellent. Pete then picked up a singular bag of what I could clearly tell were my batteries and the microchip. “Wait. What are you doing with those?” I asked, gesturing to the bag Sam was holding and now walking away with. “Oh, these? Did no one tell you?” Sam looked at Pete who then shook his head. “Oh… well in that case, these are going into our storage area. All sealed off in a place only we can really get to, but it houses spare parts or items like these,” he said, holding the bag up with my parts in it. “Just in case, we can always add them back if we need to. Just never know about these things, but for now, don’t worry about them, and I’ll need to see you in about a week for a follow-up.” With that, Sam then jumped into a hole I had just noticed behind a nearby red and slightly rusting toolbox. The tile next to it then soon slid over and covered up any evidence that Sam was ever there. “Well,” Pete finally said, “how do you feel? Think of maybe tagging in today? Give the Littles here a shot at what you’ve got to offer them?” I was still very hesitant to be around Littles and to even enact any part of Pete’s plan though. I knew it was my best alternative, but I didn’t want to just be tossed into the proverbial deep end of Littles daycare right away, so I shook my head. “Maybe just observe for now, like you suggested yesterday?” Pete nodded. “Sounds perfect. Just wanted to make sure of that but let me find you a good perch before everyone else scrambles into place. You can stay there until recess or naptime, and we can figure out our next moves from there, okay?” I nodded and soon, Pete led me off into the Meadows room. It was determined that the Meadows room was a good neutral zone to find new Littles and to observe their interactions with others. The Canopy room was likely filled with too abusive or overactive Littles for a new toy like me here, the Burrows room was just too dull for now, and the Oasis room was filled with Littles that were most likely already claimed by a toy or stuffy. Plus, in that room at least, I think Pete was trying to avoid any possible interaction with Hop and Charley for as long as possible. It was inevitable that we would meet again, but I think Pete wanted me more softened up and not so new before that happened. Knowing all the history between us, I felt that was likely a wise decision for now. So, Pete guided me into the Meadows room and we both then climbed to the top of one of the bookshelves and cubbies blended into the tree side of the room. A few leaves stuck out of the ceiling, and in just the right spot, a toy could stay up here forever and never be noticed. As such, a toy was always assigned to check up here before nighttime to ensure no one was stuck or injured up here, but for me in this instance, it was perfect. The day rolled in and several Little began to show up in earnest. As I had suspected, a few seemed more upset, but most actually seemed quite satisfied at this stage. There would be a tantrum or some Little running off to go pout in a corner, but most seemed pretty amicable being the regressed, or even still regressing, lot they appeared to be. So, with this seeping into my mind already, when I looked out and saw many of my fellow toys just simply being played with, without any obvious affect on the Little holding them, my inner drive couldn’t help but want to scream out at them for the wasted opportunity lying right at their feet. My mind toiled under the notion that they were all just weak-willed and they themselves would soon end up in a dumpster, lost and forgotten about like the rest of us. Already, I could feel myself begin to hate that side of myself, but then I then noticed something else, however, that pulled me out of my self-loathing. For as long as I was with Charley, and even the few Littles around here I had tried to regress before, I had always been rejected or at minimum, not been favored by them. I was either soon discarded or even outright rejected, both as I was now and who I was before my mauling. It was only when I used my messaging and then pulses on any Little that I was ever held by them without disdain. What I saw below though, was just about the opposite. Pete, Victor, Cassie, and so many others were all being tightly cuddled or played with in the most freeing and caring ways I could have ever imagined. Some were tea drinkers at high noon with the queen, while others walked the runway in all their newest attire of beads, feathers, and construction paper, or even some were mountain climbers getting ready to save the damsel being guarded by a terrifying monster at the peak. Not even one of the Littles was frightened or in a trance, and each of the toys, though as silent and still as a graveyard, were smiling and satisfied in their own little ways as well. It puzzled me deeply and for the better part of an hour, I tried to wrap my mind around the scenes that were unfolding beneath me. It was a nearly impossible task, being so distant from all of them, and while I thought of all that, I even began to fearfully question if my appearance would be a further factor against me in all this. All the toys below looked so nice, and I felt so ugly, but before I could dwell on any of these persistent and haunting thoughts any longer, mine and everyone else’s concentration practically was nearly shattered and redirected when one of the less regressed Littles suddenly began to pitch a fit. “No, I will not share! I was here first!” the Little cried out, trying to cling to Sgt. Luvman tightly. From up here, I could tell that Sarge was in a pickle himself and wanted more than anything to flee the scene. Being the professional I knew him to be though, he remained as steadfast as ever. “Tyler! We do not yell in this room, and we always share. Those are the rules,” Miss Mindy quickly admonished the Little before her. “I don’t care what you all normally do. It’s stupid and pointless and I was here first!” Tyler shot back in record time. He even stomped his foot at his last point, and me and everyone else here already knew that it was literally a step too far. Miss Mindy remained as calm as she had been, but I could see the inner mechanizations of her mind begin to whir about. I had seen her in action before, and anyone who had been at Little Friends Daycare long enough knew full well that punishments had to be dolled out equally, fairly, but also justly. If a worker was ever found to be excessive in their force with a Little, they could be subject to punishment outside of this building as well as inside it. In this society, it was honestly hard to know which would have been worse. So, it was a tough line to dodge, but I clearly saw Miss Mindy light up when she evidently had figured out how in this situation. “Tyler…” she said remarkably calmly, “I’m going to give you one last chance to calm down and hand off the toy to Jimmy. I’ll give you until the count of three…” She took a deep breath in, looked at Tyler for one last reprieve and then began when he remained firmly planted. “One…” Tyler was as defiant as ever, and if anything, only clung onto Sarge tighter. ‘Just let go, kid… don’t make her get to three…’ I might have been a proponent of regression, but Littles punished when they didn’t have to be, was just painful to witness beforehand. “Two,” Miss Mindy continued. I could already see her brow arching downward into a scowl. Sometimes her looks alone could straighten up a Little. Today though, Tyler wasn’t one of them. ‘Come on kid… don’t make her do it…’ I could see that everyone was fixated on the two of them. Miss Mindy saw and even reveled in the spectacle of it all. Not because of a power trip mind you, but because she knew scenes like this could cull other Littles into immediately obeying her or the other workers later. At this point, she and just about everyone else here knew that Tyler was likely going to be the sacrifice for this batch of Littles to keep them in line this week. Two weeks ago, it was that girl who I saw later getting spoon-fed in her highchair one morning, but this week, Tyler seemed sadly and unintentionally determined that it was going to be him. At the last second though, I saw a little twitch come off Tyler as his grip seemed to loosen on Sarge, but it was too late. There was a reason why Miss Mindy had given him to the count of three, but now, whether he was close to giving up or not, he had run out of time. “Three…” Miss Mindy said with a finality that almost reminded me of the snap at the end of a guillotine slicing downward. There was even a little gasp amongst the other Littles, but it was all over now. Miss Mindy shook her head. “Oh Tyler…” Tyler’s eyes swelled and his face screwed up while his hands almost dropped Sarge like he was suddenly on fire. Tyler had been regressed already, so his emotions weren’t as defiant as the other girl’s had been, but it was still all too late for apologies. He had effectively crossed the line he was never supposed to, and from the tears already leaking from his eyes, he knew it as well. One just simply did not say ‘no’ to a worker around here. Miss Mindy seemed like she always hated this part the most, but she just sighed and then held out her hand for Tyler to take hold of. “Come on, Tyler. Come with me… Don’t make this any harder than it already is.” Already whimpering and crying a little, Tyler nodded and mournfully reached out and grabbed the Big’s hand before him. It was practically like taking the grim reapers own hand at this point, but Tyler knew that any refusal now would be his doom. He was already screwed, but just how much was still to be determined. Soon, the door Miss Mindy led him through was quickly closed. Fear gripped every Little and I could immediately hear a cute chorus of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ being uttered below me immediately following their departure. Miss Mindy’s intimidation and Tyler’s sacrifice had been very effective indeed, just as most had likely predicted. Still, my mind, thinking back to my own appearance, briefly wondered about the discarded toys I had interacted with last night. I had nearly a perfect view of everyone, but still, I couldn’t find one of them, even in hiding. Unfortunately, right about this time and not long after Tyler’s incident, one toy had obviously been played with a little too fiercely. It was old and made of the now practically ancient, cheap plastic from decades ago by now. A Little, clearly on their way soon to the Burrows room, had been causing train derailments all morning of the smiling trains. This time, it had simply been too much for the toy to take. One further derailment and the entire back half of the smiling train shattered into small plastic shards. The Little immediately burst into tears and Miss Tully was on the scene in seconds. She got one of the high school volunteers to clean the mess up while she attended to the Little to try and calm them down, knowing that it wasn’t the Little’s fault in the whole mess, or at least not deliberately their fault. By the time Miss Tully did actually mange to calm him down, the train was already in the garbage. I hadn’t known them, but seeing the whole scene unfold that way made me think of two things. First, the forgotten toys may have simply been too scared that they would end up the same way. Many seemed to be holding on by only a thread, so any derailment scenarios for them could have spelled disaster. Then secondly, I couldn’t help but imagine myself in the same situation. I was after all, now only being held together by the stitching of old man Paul. I knew he had worked on several toys and then donated them here, but that hardly told me anything about his stitching ability. For all I knew, I was only a few playtimes away in my redemption here from being pulverized and thrown away myself. Needless to say, I was a little nervous at this whole prospect of actually being played with. Soon though, it was morning recess, and all the Littles rushed outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. I could see a few toys maneuver about to be better suited when the Littles came back inside but a returning Miss Mindy, sadly sans Tyler, quickly put a stop to everyone’s movement. I was disappointed in the fact that I would still have to wait for naptime now to see if I even could be with a Little, but it gave it did give me the opportunity to notice something… interesting that happened next. Tyson, one of the Littles I tried to regress previously around the time I first found out about my smoking issue, came running in and was full-blown crying. Miss Mindy, ever the disciplinarian, was also a comfort to those who actually listened to her. As such, she immediately bent down and embraced the distressed and crying Little. “Oh no!” She immediately gave him a quick hug to fend off his immediate distress. After a second, she backed up and looked all over him. “What happened, Tyson? Are you okay? Tell me where it hurts, honey.” Her tone was one of those completely reserved for small children and pets alike, but Tyson just shook his head as if her tone of voice was the most natural thing in the world. “I fell down!” His emotions seemed to be overpowering his words, so he then quickly pointed to his knee, which even from up here, I could tell was very dirty and worse, bleeding. “Oh, my goodness! You got yourself a big old nasty cut, huh?” Tyson tearfully nodded his head. I could already see that he wanted to suck his thumb, but if what I had seen with the Little previously was any indication, he was still at the stage where he likely found shame in the action. Instead, seeing his distress and being wise and kind, Miss Mindy found a nearby stuffy and handed it off to Tyson. The Little wasted no time and quickly squeezed the duck he had just been given as if it was the greatest treasure in the entire world. It was curious, but despite no change to his knee, Tyson seemed almost hypnotized as his calmer reaction was so swift. I thought at first that Maddy, the duck, was using her own regression prowess on him, but I saw no contact or even blurry and widened eyes in Tyson. To my shock, I then realized that Maddy had achieved nearly the same behavioral change in a Little by just being held. Curious with this new development, I leaned closer. “Okay, Tyson,” Miss Mindy said as she returned after leaving briefly to fetch the first aid box they kept nearby in the room. Littles were always falling or hurting themselves, so the box was a frequent visitor with everyone around here. Seeing the box though, Tyson freaked out a little. “Hey, hey, hey now,” Miss Mindy said forcefully yet calmly and even reassuringly. To be honest, if she had a special power, it was probably the different tones her voice could make and seem both domineering and yet the sincerest and calming of all. “Just take some breaths, Tyson. Hug Maddy. She needs to be hugged and she panics if she’s not. Can you do that for me?” Tyson quickly nodded and squeezed Maddy so tight, I thought she was nearly going to explode. She was good quality though, so all that happened as a result was Miss Mindy just smiling more widely over Tyson’s acceptance of the stuffy now cradled tightly in his arms. “Very good, Tyson.” She then popped open the box and retrieved a few items. “Okay, pick one.” She then held up several band-aids for Tyson to choose from and almost without hesitation he chose the Adventure Sam one. I always marveled at the popularity of that show amongst the industry titans like Naomi and Oliver or Jasper and Jinx, but I suppose the exploration aspect of this world and the silly jokes that Adventure Sam made were hard to find fault with. Satisfied, Miss Mindy got a few more supplies out and then took a deep breath as Tyson just continued to hold Maddy tightly. “Okay, Tyson. I need to clean this, but it will just be a second.” Tyson winced and Miss Mindy took the go-ahead to start cleaning. Try and be a big, brave boy for me, okay?” Tyson nodded, but I could see the fear still present in his face. Nodding, Miss Mindy went in. Tyson immediately began to squirm and even squeal as she applied the alcohol wipe and then antiseptic cream to the open wound. “Squeeze Maddy, Tyson! Squeeze her tight!” Miss Mindy had her job to do and stuffy’s made it easier, but I saw the way that Tyson gripped Maddy right then. She was a lifeline and a power beyond so much else that I had ever witnessed. If I was more of a simpleton, I might have even thought she was magic. Sure, Tyson was still in pain, but Maddy seemed to almost be a shield or a sponge against the bulk of it. Most of the time, daycare workers here had to dive down and then dodge flying feet or even get others to help restrain the Little being treated. It was for their own good to prevent infection and all, but that didn’t make it any easier. Now, the only difference I saw with the relatively calmer Tyson was Maddy, and further, his complete devotion to her in less than a minute. I was a top-of-the-line model for a toy, and I even came with all the bells and whistles. It then struck me that I felt as toy, my purpose was to regress these Littles, and while I knew this was viewed as wrong by some, if that was the ultimate goal, then I should have been the ultimate toy… but I wasn’t. In fact, I was nearly the opposite, which was how I found myself here and abandoned in the first place. I was such a bad toy that my previous Little didn’t even search for me when I went missing. Looking at Maddy now though, I felt that Tyson, having only just met her, would have done anything and everything he could if she was missing for even a few minutes and he didn’t know where she was. So, it wasn’t a surprise to me that this new concept intrigued me enough that it made me want to see this firsthand to know more… particularly more on a personal and grounded level. So, after everyone came back in and had their lunch, the typical afternoon nap rolled around quickly. Cots were pulled out and the daycare workers retreated quietly out into the hallways when the last Little passed out. Sensing my time was at hand, I climbed down and found Pete. “Are you sure?” Pete asked after I told him that I wanted to go in. “Absolutely,” I confirmed. “I’ve been watching all day and now is the time I need to get my feet wet.” “Well, hopefully not literally,” Pete joked, “at least not on your first day. I hope Miss Tully has improved her techniques during changing times for your sake. Victor almost wanted to wear a raincoat last week it was so bad in some cases.” I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or flee in terror over his little story, but I stood firm regardless. “Right… so, who’s my first Little?” I asked eagerly, now looking around the room at the sleeping Littles before us. Pete chuckled. “Already trying to run before you can walk, huh? Well, I can admire that, but let’s hang back and find the perfect Little for you.” “I think I can find the perfect Little myself, thank you,” I touted back. “I might be new to your method, but I’ve scouted out Littles before you know.” “Oh boy do I,” Pete said exasperatedly, “but those were Littles you were trying to regress. Now, we need to find you a hard case. Not tough and bad to the bone, but a Little who’s gone through the ringer. I assume you saw what happened with Maddy?” I nodded. “Good. Well, that’s what you’re looking for. I mean, just look at them now.” I looked over to the sleeping Tyson curled cutely around Maddy. His thumb managed to sneak its way into his mouth this time, but she was about equally there as well for the injured Little. She waved over at us and gave us a thumbs up, so we knew everything was good, but I also knew that scraped knees, while common, weren’t an hourly scenario around here. “So, let’s just hang back and scout you out a newbie, okay? Just follow my lead,” Pete instructed. “After all, just remember that the council gave you a week for this.” His reminder was a stark kick in my rear to ensure that all this went okay. A lot was on the line for me in the next few days, and my track record with Littles wasn’t exactly stellar. So, trying to be a good pupil of Pete, I held back as he instructed, and we both waited for naptime to end. As it started to end though, we already began scouting out potential subjects. There were a few new to the daycare and this room now, so I felt my chances were even better. That being said, I was still very nervous, and it took Pete and I a little bit to find one just for me. “Ah! Right there!” Pete then pointed with his wing right over to a Little sitting by themselves. “I think Damien needs a new friend. So, how about it?” “Them?” I asked skeptically. “They’re just so…” “Vulnerable?” I nodded and Pete smiled. “Exactly. I suspect that some of the qualities you were looking for before when to regress a Little just might be the same as when you’re looking for one now. Big caveat though, now, you’re trying to build them up… not tear them down more.” “So, what do I do?” My inexperience in all this was really starting to show more than I cared for. Still, I had to try, so I waited for instruction from my mentor. “Don’t think about it too hard,” Pete said shockingly. “Just go up to them and be there for however they need you to be. It’s not rocket science after all.” I grimaced at his comments, but I knew that Pete was likely just wanting me to dive into the deep end now. It was my choice to do this, so I knew I only had myself to blame, but my knees felt rubbery, nonetheless. In fact, I was barely registering anything else except Damien in front of me, but fortunately, all the daycare workers were far too distracted by a scuffle that was going on over another Little hogging all of the markers. So, I took my chance, and plopped myself right beside Damien. It didn’t take long after that for him to notice me. “Oh wow! Look at you!” Damien quickly lifted me up and his mouth was so wide that for a moment, I thought he was going to try and eat me, but to my relief, he just cuddled me right up to his neck. In seconds, he was dancing about with me and completely oblivious to nearly everyone else. There were a few close calls, but right then, I actually didn’t care. His skips, twirling, and then occasionally cuddling all combined into one giant euphoric bubble between us. I wasn’t feeling that forever connection, but for now, even without my hypnotic or controls over him, Damien truly seemed to like me. In fact, he only seemed to marvel over my scars and passed his fingers over their ridges in utter fascination at one point. It was a wonderful moment in time, and I hoped it would never end, but Littles here don’t have the power to sustain all that activity for very long. Just as the first Little was picked up, Damien had to rest which meant he wanted to find something else to do. Unfortunately, he found my buttons. Now my buttons had rarely been used and were actually a minor feature of my model on my belly. One selling point for us Dash toys was that we would use AI tech to activate our own controls so that regressed Littles wouldn’t have to. The buttons were still functional and would activate my lighting, sound controls, and other bits like that, but there was just one problem now. This morning, Sam had removed the super-efficient battery that had powered all those mechanizations. Damien, it turned out, wasn’t the type of Little to be told ‘no’ to though, and while I never said it, the inaction of my buttons to him was basically the same thing. So, he began to get frustrated, and I quickly learned that Damien wasn’t a crier… he was a hitter. In moments after my failed actions were apparent now, he began to smash each of the buttons harder. They could take the pounding, but when they still didn’t produce a result, he resorted to taking me by the tail and hitting me on the ground before him as hard as he could. Now, trying to be redeemed in the eyes of every toy here, I tried to hold back as much as I could. Pete and I had even discussed contingency scenarios while we were waiting for naptime to end, but almost every one of those ended with him telling me to do nothing, which meant that’s exactly what I did. For the first minute… the second… the third, and even all the way up to about five minutes in, I stuck to the plan, but at some point, I suppose, every toy had their breaking point. It just happened that at minute five, it turned out to be mine. Almost as reflex at that point, I activated my subtle messaging. While not as powerful as my regression pulses, as even the great Hop had witnessed himself, the subtle messaging system was very powerful still. Essentially, they acted as hypnotic programs from years ago in which they really couldn’t force you to do something you didn’t want to, but it all really just came down to the phrasing of the message. Something like ‘Stop’ wouldn’t have been heard, but something more like ‘good boys don’t smash their toys’ could work much better I thought. It turns out, I was right. Damien immediately paused mid-smash, but I immediately froze in terror over what I had just done… I had just used my messaging on a Little here out in the open. If any other toy saw, I felt I was immediately going to tossed out. Fortunately, right as I began to panic, another Little knocked over a tower of blocks. The loud noise quickly popped Damien out of his trance, and I beat a hasty retreat out of sight and back to Pete. When I got there, my emotions were a wreck and I’m none too ashamed to admit that I was on the verge of crying. Pete saw, and while his first look was one of sympathy, his next was to burst out laughing. To say I was confused, would have been the most massive understatement ever. “Wh… why are you laughing? I screwed up! I used my messaging! I’m as good as garbage now! How can you just laugh like that?” I nearly wailed at my mentor. Pete saw my distress and though it took him a second to calm down, after, he simply placed his wing over my trembling shoulder and looked at me straight in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Dash, but of all the types of Littles you had to get on your first outing, a hyper smasher was just absolutely the wrong choice. That’s on me. Sorry for laughing, but a scenario like that is just too perfect to make up.” I just continued to look back at my mentor in sadness and confusion. Pete sighed and got a more serious and understanding look with him. “it’s okay, Dash. You lasted nearly five minutes of him pounding you into the ground. Normally, a worker would have swatted his butt ‘till kingdom come within the first minute, but I guess they were just too busy today. And as far as your messaging went, look at him now.” I did. “See? Not even phased by anything. You didn’t hurt Damien. You acted out of self-defense, tried to maintain your own safety, and above all, you weren’t seen by anyone else. As far as toy first times go, you actually didn’t do too bad.” I was awash with confusion and relief, but as Pete guided me away as all the Littles began to be picked up, I was at least happy that my first day hadn’t been a total screw-up. As I began to think on it further in fact, it was only for a few minutes, but I had felt something truly special as Damien had been dancing around with me. Despite the apparent failure of today, regardless of what Pete told me, I shockingly, to myself at least, wanted to do it all again tomorrow. It was beyond all my logic, circuitry, and even base protocol, but it was still there and still lingering about. Now, my only doubt was my messaging. I knew it was in an act of self-defense today, but there was a part of me that couldn’t get away from the one simple fact that I indeed did use it. Despite Pete reassuring me all was fine, I wanted to but didn’t ask in fear that he would confirm my suspicions that if our roles had been reversed, he wouldn’t have used the messaging himself. As the attendants packed up for the night though, I knew only a new day and a new Little would bring me the clarity I needed to know if my messaging today was just a fluke, or if I was cursed to forever have to hold this compunction of mine in check.

Katie Ann What do you do when you look seven years old but you’re actually a college student in your late teens? For Kathleen’s entire life, she had fought against people treating her much younger than her actual age. Feeling obligated to grow up fast to show people she wasn’t the age of her size, Kathleen never let her inner child out. Tired of fighting against the world, she explores the adult submissive world. What she finds, however, is an enjoyment of regression. Had she made a mistake? Would life be better if she just let people treat her the way she looks at seven years old? By Becky Anne ©2018-2024 ~o~O~o~ Chapter Thirty-Two: Why Is He Here? Thursday just before lunch, Katie, still dressed in the pink overalls with white hearts on the bib, Tiff had dressed her in this morning at Daddie’s, stopped in her dorm room to lose some books. As she moved the hair ribbon that was tickling her ear, she thought something looked out of place. Actually, a lot of stuff was out of place, she continued to think to herself. She could see her bunk bed now had a bed rail with ‘Katie Ann’ on it, and behind it, her bedding had been changed from one fitting for a teenager to pink Disney Princess bedding aimed for a young girl she had become. As she was leaving with her princess backpack considerably lightened, she noticed a collage of pictures where Ally had a poster before. Pausing to stand on her tippy toes to examine the images, she saw they were of her. Checking the time, she decided she had time to study them in detail. She pulled her step stool over and stood on it to examine the collage in detail. There were quite a few pictures of her and Stacy in various Halloween costumes and locations. Half of the photographs included the two best friends. At least two of the pictures could be considered blackmail material, the one of her sleeping in the car seat and one of the two girls' pigtails connected together. She was happy to see that a picture of her and Daddie from the photo session at the resort was on it. Laura, her actual family, her best friends from home, and Auntie also made an appearance in the collage, which made her extremely happy. In most of these pictures, she was clueless that someone was even taking her picture. Looking at the time, she left her room and ran towards Reynolds Hall. As she set her backpack on her cluster's regular table, Tiff asked jokingly, “What took you so long to lose some books, little Sis?” “I got distracted by some pictures I discovered on my wall,” Katie replied with a blush as she went to get food. When she got to the food service area, Mrs. Schneider asked, “I like your bibs, Princess. What can I get you?” “Half a Monte Cristo, please,” the regressed girl ordered since they looked a bit large. When she returned to the table with her half sandwich, apple slices, and an iced tea, Clare told her, “You are extremely cute in your pictures, Sweetheart.” “I think so too,” Holly replied, which caused Katie to wonder if all of her cluster mates had seen her pictures. The submissive girl was glad that she hadn’t noticed a photo of her like a cat or in the corner in that collage. ~o~O~o~ That evening, when Katie entered her dorm room to get ready for bed, she found Ally and Tiff waiting for her in the room. They requested that she take a seat on her bed, which made a crinkling noise when she sat down on it. Taking a chance to look around at her bed, she saw that at the foot of it, there were a few Princess-themed throw pillows, and she gained another pillow at the head, for a total of two. Laying on the bed near her was a changing pad with a diaper bag on top of it. Her personalized bed rail had disappeared somewhere since the last time she was in the room, too. “Katie, we need to have a talk. We will start by asking how old you are currently,” Ally told her. Looking around, Katie replied, “I guess I am currently seven.” “Let me remind you that the contract doesn’t apply to you when you are not at Adam’s. You can decide if you are seven or nineteen here,” Tiff pointed out. The regressed girl asked, “What age do you want me to be?” “That is for you to choose, Sweetie,” Ally said. “I guess I will stay with seven. I only feel like nineteen when I am in class or doing classwork.” Tiff nodded in agreement, as she mentioned, “You said that a few times to us and Laura’s mother, too.” “We will treat you like a seven-year-old, but you are not locked to being a grade-schooler. If you want to grow up, you can by simply telling one of us,” Tiff said, before continuing, “Let's talk about the changes in your part of the room.” “My bed crinkles now, and there was a bedrail when I was in here earlier,” Katie mentioned. Ally said, “OK since you started in that vein, we will start there. We have waterproofed your bed. The bed rail is currently put away under your mattress. After I tuck you in, I can raise it up. Let’s not forget about the obvious thing, your bedding has been changed, too.” “Do I have to use the bed rail?” “No, you are not required. I may change my mind later if you start rolling out of bed, Sweetie,” Ally answered, which received a nod from Katie. “Adam and us two went through your clothes and pruned anything that wasn’t a child-size since technically children’s size is the only stuff that fits you,” Tiff continued. Ally told the little girl, “We replaced a few items, but Adam gave us at least a thousand dollars for the three of us to go shopping tomorrow night.” “Your old bedding and old clothes are boxed up in your closet, in case you cherish one of them,” Tiff continued. “I do not cherish any of them. My prom and graduation dresses, which I do, are still at my parents' house.” “Continuing on to the pink elephant in the room, we need to deal with items sitting next to you and the reason your bed has been waterproofed,” Tiff started. Ally continued, “You are in quite the catch twenty-two, with your wet pull-ups at night. If we ignore them, you are going to eventually wet the bed.” “Diapering you at night will just increase the problem. Katie, how many nights were you wet when you last woke up wet?” Tiffany asked her sister. The regressed girl replied, “Four to five nights after I left, Daddie, Sissy.” “We, your caretakers, have decided that we are going to take the lesser of two evils. We will diaper you at bedtime. You can still wear pull-ups or panties during the day. Adam did point out that you haven’t had panties in your dirty laundry since the first time he did your laundry. So, I doubt that last one is going to happen, but the option is available to you during the day,” Tiff said. Ally instructed, “Just like at Adam’s, you are not allowed to diaper yourself. Find one of us two to change your bottom.” “Continuing on the rules front, as long as you are seven, you are not allowed to leave campus without one or more of your three guardians, Adam, Allison, I, or an approved adult, with you. You are also required to inform us if you want to go anywhere that is outside of your normal routine on or off-campus,” Tiff continued on the subject. They continued by asking the regressed girl if she had any questions, which was answered with a timid no. Tiff proceeded to pull one-piece footed pajamas out of Katie’s pajama drawer and hand it to Ally. After kissing the little girl on the forehead goodnight, the big sister walked out of the room to get ready for bed herself. After Ally removed the bows and braids from the regressed girl’s hair, she promptly sent her charge to take a shower since they didn’t have the preferred bathtub. When the little girl came out of the bathroom, Allison led her to the changing mat and had her lay down on it after making sure she was adequately dried by the towel. Soon, the regressed girl found herself in the Minnie Mouse onesie, complete with the required diaper under it. After Katie sat down on a desk chair, Ally started to blow dry the girl’s hair, which caused the small one to purr with delight. After tucking the little one in bed, Ally asked, “Bedrail up or down, Princess?” Katie, after thinking for a while, meekly said, “Up, please,” which was answered by her bed rail being placed up. Before she walked out of the room into the cluster, Ally told her roommate, “If someone had told me at the beginning of the year that I was going to volunteer to be a caregiver to my roommate, Including putting diapers on her, I would have told them they were crazy.” Pausing to catch her thoughts, she continued, “But then again, you didn’t ask to be taken care of by anyone but Adam. The rest of us willingly volunteered for that position.” Katie nodded at the previous statement, as Allison pointed out, “You don’t mind someone caring for you, either, brat,” as she stuck her tongue out at the regressed girl. Katie could only blush at what her roommate said, as said roommate walked into the cluster turning off the lights in the process. ~o~O~o~ The next morning found Katie walking into her American National Government class and took her normal seat in the front of the classroom. After digging her class notebook and a pen out, she set her princess backpack on the floor out of the way, leaning against her desk. When it was almost time for class to start, the professor came up to the front with two guests,... Mr. Bullard?!?!?!? and Stacy?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Stacy was smiling directly at her and was holding a stack of papers. She should be in school in Riverville, and why would Mr. Bullard be here in her ANG class? At eleven o’clock exactly, the professor addressed the class, “Class, we have a guest today, State Congressman Samuel Bullard, with his daughter. With no further introduction, I give you the Honorable Bullard.” Congressman Bullard said, “Thank you, Professor. My daughter, Stacy, is handing out a handout to each of you. She has an in-service today at her school. When she offered between going to grandma’s or coming here, she jumped at the chance of coming here.” He continued while looking directly at Katie, “I am not exactly sure why.” Katie just scrunched down in her desk, trying to hide, which didn’t go unnoticed by Stacy and some of her classmates, while under Mr. Bullard’s glance. “While she is still handing those handouts out, I will get started on my little discussion. When that is done, I will open the floor to questions for me,” the congressman continued. Stacy sat next to Katie and handed her best friend enough handouts for the front row, saying, “Here you go, Katie.” “Thank you, Stacy,” Katie said while handing the rest down the row after taking one. ~o~O~o~ “If there are no more questions, I have been given permission to dismiss you. Thank you for your attention. You have been an excellent class. Goodbye,” Sam Bullard told the class. Katie was doing what she usually did after class, waiting until the crowds died down, so she turned to Stacy, “Stacy Bullard!” “Yes, Katie Telgenhof!” “Why didn’t you tell me, your mother has my phone number,” Katie continued. “And miss that shocked look on your face, what is the fun in that?” Stacy said while sticking her tongue out. Katie stuck her tongue out and said, “No fair.” “You two, I saw that,” Mr. Bullard said, which got blushes out of both of the girls. “Sweetie, what are your plans for this afternoon?” he asked Katie after he finished talking to the professor and a few students. “I usually meet Tiffany at the dorm and go to lunch at Reynolds every other Friday. After lunch, I do homework before hanging around the dorm,” the college student said as they walked towards Whitlatter Hall. Stacy asked, “What about the other Fridays?” “Daddie takes me to the town where a strange girl by the name of Stacy lives.” Katie got rewarded with her best friend sticking her tongue out at her, so she responded back with her own tongue. Soon, the two girls were jumping in surprise when they got a light tap under their chin from Stacy’s father. “You are welcome to join Tiff and me at the food court, Stacy and Mr. Bullard. It is definitely not the Ritz, though,” Katie told her friends. “Can we, Daddie?” He told the two girls, “First, Katie, call me Uncle Sam because you call my wife Aunt. Second, yes, Stacy, we will eat with your best friend. “ He continued, “Katie, is there any chance you can watch Stacy this afternoon while I have another meeting?” “Umm, that would be like a seven-year-old watching a seven-year-old,” Katie said meekly while twirling one of her hair ribbons that Allison had put in her pigtails this morning. As they entered the dorm, Stacy said, “I expected you to be your nineteen-year-old self at college, Katie.” “I only feel like my older self when I am at a class, Stacy. I am seven until I tell Ally or Tiff otherwise and am under their guardianship.” Stacy felt like she was treading on the sacred ground, walking into Katie’s dorm room. She picked out her best friend's bunk right away with the princess sheets, with a changing mat sitting on top. “Katie, you need padding here now? Uncle Adam tell you to?” “No, Ally and Tiff decided I needed them because I can’t keep my pull-ups dry,” Katie said with a blush. “I don’t need to wear diapers during the day, though. Oh, Stacy, before I forget, stand on that stool and look at those pictures,” the regressed girl said the last bit to distract her best friend. “Half of these pictures include me. Aww, look at that one of you sleeping. Who is Alice in this picture of you?” “Laura, my supposedly local friend, but the only time I saw her was there at that Halloween party, but her Mommie wants me to do stuff with her sometime,” Katie answered as the little party walked out of the room. Stacy questioned, “Why haven’t you?” “Because I have been busy with school and with another seven-year-old brat,” the regressed girl said as she knocked on her big sister's door. As Tiff opened the door, Stacy exclaimed, “HEY!” as her father chuckled. Seeing the little party, Tiff said “Hi little Sis, Stacy, and …. Congressman Bullard?!?!? Kathleen Annabelle Telgenhof, why is Stacy at our college? More importantly, why is a Congressman standing in my room?” “Sis, what is Stacy’s last name?” “If I knew it, I forgot.” Katie introduced as she led the party towards lunch, “Tiffany Collins, I would like you to meet Stacy’s Father, Congressman Bullard. He spoke to my Government class today. As for why my best friend isn’t in school, I am told her school was in service today.” “Nice to finally meet you, Tiffany, I heard so much about you,” Uncle Sam said as he shook Tiff’s hand. Soon, they were checking into the dining room, with the two guests paying for their own meals. While Stacy followed Katie towards the food, Mr. Bullard asked Tiff, “Tiffany, can you watch Stacy this afternoon? I have a meeting. Katie said she was unable to do it since she is currently seven.” “I can do part of it, and Ally could continue but there is about a forty-five-minute gap when the two of us are in class. That being said, I think I have a cluster-mate or two available in the gap. The whole cluster watches Katie since she has been regressed more and more lately, so one more shouldn’t be a hassle.” The two of them had no sooner finished the conversation when the two young girls came back. It appeared that the two girls had split a sandwich, and they both had fruit and pudding. Stacy also had a pie on her tray. Uncle noticed that Stacy had a pout on her face, so he questioned her about it. “Katie wouldn’t let me have pop, told me to have ice tea, juice, or water,” Stacy answered. Uncle scratched his chin as if thinking while saying, “Hmm, how to deal with this, Stacy are you normally allowed to have pop? And Katie, how old are you?” “No” and “Seven” came softly from the two girls. “How did you prevent your best friend from having pop?” Katie meekly answered, “By threatening to tattle on her.” Uncle chucked before going to get his own food, “I don’t normally encourage tattling, but it apparently worked.” ~o~O~o~ Later, at Katie’s dorm, after the regressed girl had done her literature homework, the two girls were doing a puzzle on a table in the cluster, being watched by Claire in the absence of Tiff and Ally. They were so engrossed in the puzzle that the girls jumped when Allison put a hand on each of the girls' shoulders. “Ally, you scared me,” Katie said while holding her chest. Stacy was also holding her chest from the fright she received from Ally. Giggling, Ally told the girls, “Sorry, girls, I didn’t mean to scare you two. Where did you two girls find the puzzle?” “Underneath the TV with the games, Miss Ally,” Stacy answered. “Call me just Ally, Stacy. I didn’t know there were games and puzzles under the television, Girls.” Ally said as she let the girls get back to the puzzle. The girls hadn't finished with the kitten puzzle long when Stacy’s Daddie walked into the cluster. Coming over to Ally, he asked: “Did Stacy behave herself?” “They have been quiet and busy with that puzzle.” Nodding, he said to Stacy, “Sweetie, help Katie clean up.” “Awww, Daddie, can’t I stay?” “No, I have to get home, and how would you get home? I can’t expect Allison or Tiffany to take you home,” he said, which caused Stacy to pout. Ally said, “Sorry, Sweetheart, but today I have to take Katie clothes shopping,” which caused Katie to pout because they hadn’t forgotten about it. “Thanks anyway, Miss Ally,” Stacy thanked, but getting the look from Ally, continued with, “Sorry, Ally.” After the two girls hugged goodbye, Stacy left to head home with her Daddie. Katie turned towards her babysitter and asked, “Do I have to go shopping?” “Don’t you like shopping, little girl?” “Nothing usually fits me.” “I would expect shopping in the children’s department that more stuff will fit you.” “That is true. Are we shopping for seven or nineteen-year-old me?” “Both, we hope to buy at least a few outfits for both.” ~o~O~o~ Later that afternoon, Katie found herself sitting in her booster seat in the backseat of Tiff’s car, heading to a mall an hour away in Pittsburgh. Looking back from the passenger seat, Ally noticed that Katie was reading the magazine that came in the mail today. After parking, the little group headed to the J.C.Penneys Children’s Department to start their search. “Katie, we will start here. Look around and see if anything catches your eye,” Allison told her. By the time they were handing a debit card to the cashier, they had amassed three pairs of jeans that could work for both ages, an obvious children’s dress, a couple of skirts, and a few other items. After they paid, they headed into the mall to continue shopping. ~o~O~o~ Walking into the Disney store, the first thing the regressed girl ran to was a Minnie Mouse costume. Ally told her charge, “Sweetie, we are here to shop for clothes like t-shirts, not costumes.” “Can I get a Minnie Mouse stuffed animal instead?” Katie asked. The little girl was asked by Ally, “Do I need to find a corner?” Shaking her head, she walked towards the girls' t-shirts, hoping that would keep her from getting punished in the middle of the mall surrounded by strangers. After they were done, Katie was led out of the store by Ally. They were soon joined by Tiffany, who handed the young girl about an eighteen-inch Minnie Mouse, who hugged the stuffed animal like it was her first toy. ~o~O~o~ Returning back to the car, the two college students could see that Katie was barely awake, but she still had a death grip on the Minnie Mouse. As Ally helped her regressed roommate into the car, Tiff loaded the six or so outfits they had bought into the car, Katie found a bag being thrown on her lap. Looking into it, she found that it contained the Minnie Mouse costume. “You can match your new friend, Little Sis,” Tiff mentioned. “Thank you, Sis.” “Thank your Daddie. He approved both of them,” Tiffany pointed out as she drove out of the parking lot. Fifteen minutes later, Ally looked back and saw that Katie was sound asleep, clutching the Minnie Mouse stuffed animal under one arm. Her new costume was also lying on her as if she was wearing it. ~o~O~o~ Back at Whitlatter Hall, Allison struggled to wake up Katie Ann, but the young girl was sound asleep. She suggested, “I will carry her upstairs, Tiff. She can’t weigh more than sixty or seventy pounds and then come back to help you with these packages.” “Fine with me, but are you sure you can carry her up two stories?” “What else can I do other than getting your backseat wet by throwing water on her?” Ally replied while trying to take Minnie Mouse and costume away from her regressed roommate. Slowly, the two roommates made their way up the stairs to the third floor. Walking into the cluster, Julie said, “Ally, you look like you've got your hands full. Let me take her off you.” “Thank you. I couldn’t get her awake. I need to get her ready for bed. Then I need to help Tiff bring the shopping up,” Ally said, handing her regressed roommate to Juliette. Julie suggested as Ally opened her door, “Would you like me to get Katie ready for bed?” “You might want me to do that because she needs to be diapered,” Ally whispered while Julie set the regressed girl on the bed. Julie asked, “Where are supplies? I will do it. Is there a specific reason she needs diapers?” Handing Julie the diaper bag and a princess nightie, Allison replied, “She has a slight issue with wetting the bed.” With that said Allison with Holly headed downstairs to help Tiff with the packages. By the time the three girls returned, Julie was back in the cluster, and the regressed girl was changed and tucked under the covers. Ally closed her door behind her before placing the Minnie Mouse under her roommate's arm. Pausing to put the bedrail up, she set to work putting her charge’s purchases away before getting ready for bed herself.

Despite everything the girls plow on with their picnic. Sam is obviously very distracted though. --- My writing is my passion and my income. I'm only able to write as much as I do because of the wonderful support from my subscribers. With the ABDL purge on Patreon hurting my income dramatically I have set up a couple of alternatives. If you enjoy my work and want to support me there has never been a time where I need it more. For $5 you can see every update to my stories one week before anyone else and for $10 you get early access PLUS access to 50+ stories EXCLUSIVE to subscribers. There are other rewards and tiers available including discounted commissions. To find out more please consider visiting one of my subscription sites. Prices, rewards and eveything else are the same across both https://reamstories.com/elfy https://subscribestar.adult/elfy Thank you for reading and supporting me and my work ❤️ --- Whilst Sam had been away it seemed that Chrissy had set up the picnic. A large but thin blanket covered a flat part of the ground and snacks were scattered all over. Sam sat down opposite Chrissy and crossed her legs, the diaper provided a nice cushion on the hard ground, Amy sat on one side of her and Nina on the other. Sam was still thinking about what had happened in the forest. How could she not? She wondered what would’ve happened had Amy not walked into the clearing at that very moment. Maybe she had misread the situation but it felt like something had been about to happen… Sam looked across to Nina but after seeing her looking Nina quickly turned away. Sam ducked her head. Of course, she must’ve been wrong. Why would anyone think about kissing her like that? After all the humiliations she had suffered she was shocked the others were even still her friends yet alone anything more. She was seeing things that clearly weren’t there. The hug had been purely to make her feel better after her accident. Amy spent a lot of the picnic taking bits of food and wandering around with her binoculars up to her eyes. After eating her fill Chrissy was laid back and talking to Nina. Sam, meanwhile, remained quiet. She spent a lot of time with her mind back in the woods and thinking about what did and didn’t happen. “It’s beautiful up here.” Chrissy said. She was propped up on her elbows and looking around, “I wonder why no one else is up here.” “It’s not exactly an easy cycle.” Nina replied. “It didn’t seem that hard to me.” Chrissy shrugged. “Yeah, well, you weren’t pulling a trailer with…” Nina’s sentence drifted away as if the wind had stolen it. “Did you want me to pull the trailer on the way back?” Chrissy asked. If she noticed the sudden awkwardness she didn’t let on. “No, it’s fine.” Nina shook her head, “It’s mostly downhill.” Sam tried not to be put off with the way they were talking about her as if she wasn’t there. It wasn’t the trailer that made things harder for Nina, it was Sam, the heavy weight sitting in the little wagon. Being talked about like that with her fresh diaper padding her waist made Sam feel as if she was some small kid and the adults were talking about how to share the responsibilities of looking after her. After a couple more seconds of thought Sam stood up. “Sam?” Nina asked. “I think I’m going to go talk to Amy for a bit.” Sam said. She hurried away before anyone could say or do anything. Sam walked across the clearing. She felt like she could feel Nina and Chrissy staring at her rear end as she waddled slightly but she didn’t look over her shoulder to confirm her suspicions. Amy was stood by the wooden railing and looking out at the lake. As Sam went over she saw her friend let out a little yelp of delight and scribble something in her notebook. “Hey.” Sam said as she drew level with Amy. “Hi, Sam!” Amy greeted her small friend enthusiastically, “You just missed a family of deer on the other side of the lake. They were drinking and the kids were playing… It was fantastic!” “I bet.” Sam replied. With her small height the chances were that she wouldn’t have been able to see anything unless someone picked her up regardless. “What’s up?” Amy asked as she scanned the scenery again. “Nothing, really.” Sam kicked a small stone off the ledge and watched it bounce several times on the way down, “Just seeing what you were up to.” “I could stay here forever.” Amy replied wistfully, “I could build a little cabin nearby. Just imagine waking up to this every day!” “I think you’d go mad after a week.” Sam joked, “I don’t imagine you’d get much signal out here. Not to mention the internet.” “That’s true.” Amy chuckled, “Hey… Can I ask you something?” “Sure.” Sam turned to lean on the fence. She was looking back at Nina who was talking to Chrissy. “What was going on back there?” Amy asked, “I know you went to sort out your… problem. But when I saw you and Nina…” “Nothing.” Sam said quickly, “We were just talking.” Amy didn’t reply and Sam wasn’t going to press the issue. Despite this she was still pink in the cheeks. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t she be just like the other girls? Yet again Sam found her mind wandering a dark path that led to her only thinking about what she didn’t have. The friends ended up staying for a couple of hours. Sam was honestly a little bored but everyone else was having a good time so she did her best to relax. At no point did she or Nina speak. Half of her wanted to pull Nina aside and clarify things but the other half was scared that she would be rejected or that she would find out she had completely misunderstood what had happened. “Shall we head back?” Chrissy suggested, “I don’t fancy being out here when it gets dark. All the bears and wolves and…” “There are no bears out here.” Amy shook her head, “Honestly, haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve said?” “Do you want the honest answer?” Chrissy replied. It looked like Amy wasn’t about to respond angrily when Nina spoke up. “Let’s go back to the lodge.” Nina said, “I’m sure we’ve seen all we’re likely to see.” “But before we go…” Chrissy stood up and stretched, “I need to take a leak.” “Yeah, it’s probably best I do as well.” Amy didn’t seem keen about squatting behind a tree to pee. “Sam? Will you be alright looking after stuff for a couple of minutes?” Nina asked. It was the first thing she’d said to Sam in hours. “Sure.” Sam replied, “Not a problem.” “That is unless you need to go too?” Nina added. “I’ll be fine.” Sam answered as the others made their way to the trees. “Are you sure?” Nina asked, “It’s just you didn’t go before coming out and…” “I’m fine.” Sam replied a little more sternly. Sam turned away as the others went into the woods. She couldn’t tell them the truth. There was no way she was going to let them know that she knew she wouldn’t need the bathroom on the way home because she had already wet her diaper. It had happened only ten minutes or so previous. Sam felt the need to pee come on as it usually did and had started to make for the trees when she stopped. She’d had every intention of going behind a tree like her friends were now doing but she was stopped when she thought about the diaper between her legs. Sam didn’t know if she could get the diaper back on after taking it off, she didn’t know if she’d be able to do it by herself and she didn’t want to risk having to go commando just in case she really did need her diaper again. So, after thinking about it for a full minute she had made her mind up. Sam closed her eyes, held her breath and relaxed. It happened quickly and easily. Sam felt a slight building of the pressure and then the heat burst forth into her diaper. The warmth quickly enveloped the area between her legs and moved around the front and back as the padding rushed to absorb it all. She even shivered slightly as she finished up. The warmth was not entirely unwelcome and was becoming something Sam was used to. Whether any of her friends had noticed Sam didn’t know. It didn’t seem like they had since they were now all going off together to answer the call of nature whilst Sam remained behind. It was only as she started packing away some of the picnic that she wondered why she hadn’t tried harder to stop from using her diaper. Suddenly the reason of not being sure it would go back on felt very weak indeed. She thought about the warmth that was still clinging to her, the way the padding had expanded turning it into something akin to a soft sponge… “Alright, let’s get this show on the road.” Chrissy said loudly as she emerged from the trees. Sam suddenly came back to her senses. She looked down to see that her hand was pressed over the warm part of her padding and she quickly pulled it away. Thankfully she was facing away from where her friends were coming out. Sam joined the others in putting everything away and then climbed awkwardly into her wagon. She couldn’t do the restraints herself so Nina helped her. It felt intimate in that small space. Sam looked away as Nina reached behind her to grab the straps, they were inches apart and Sam felt like she should say something but had no idea what. As Nina pulled the strap up between Sam’s legs her hand accidentally brushed against her diaper area. “Oh, so-…” Nina stopped midway through her sentence and looked down at Sam’s crotch. It was just for a second but Sam noticed it clearly. After that Nina rapidly finished with the restraints and retreated to her bike. Sam covered her face with shame. Even with her pants on there was no way Nina could fail to feel the heat radiating from her diaper. It was obvious Sam was wet and now Nina knew it. Worse still was that she had no excuse this time. There had been ample opportunity to get some privacy and do what the others had done, she simply hadn’t done it. “Let’s roll!” Chrissy called out. She even managed to pull a bit of a wheelie as she led the way towards the lodge. Sam sat back in her seat feeling tired out. She could only imagine what Nina was thinking about her now. At least the ride back to the lodge was more comfortable than the one up to the picnic spot. For one thing Sam didn’t need to contend with stomach cramps and fight not to crap herself and for another the downhill journey seemed far smoother than the uphill one. Whilst sitting at the picnic Sam had drunk quite a bit of fruit juice hence the wet diaper she was sitting in. As the foursome reached the bottom of the hill and started along the flat section to the lodge she hesitated for just a brief second before relaxing her bladder again. Fresh warmth blossomed around her padding. Her second wetting of that particular diaper came very easily, she barely had to think about it at all. “I’m ordering us pizza tonight!” Chrissy shouted as they pulled up at the lodge. Sam smiled and waited as Nina got off her bike and turned back to undo the restraints. Thankfully she took extra care to avoid brushing against Sam’s diaper this time. Sam accepted Nina’s hand as she was pulled out of the seat and she wobbled as she stumbled on the ground. She hadn’t been quite prepared for just how swollen her diaper had become from the two accidents. Her legs were pushed much further apart than before. “Let’s get inside.” Nina said. She was still pointedly not looking at Sam, “I could do with a sit down.” Sam brought up the rear as everyone walked inside. She had a very noticeable waddle now. The padding had swollen between her legs and she could no longer press her knees together. Strangely, she didn’t feel too bad about it. There was a certain amount of embarrassment but at the same time there was some… comfort? Wetting herself on the journey back to the cabin had shown that without the diaper Sam would’ve needed another change of pants. Usually when she was anywhere away from the house she had to be very careful about where the nearest bathroom was thanks to smaller body. Once she had got over the shock of being introduced to diapers the way she had she could see their use. She didn’t have to worry so much. Heck, she had completely soiled herself but it hadn’t ruined the picnic. Maybe diapers weren’t something to loathe so much after all. Sam absolutely drew the line at being treated like a kid though. She had come to learn that diapers might be useful in certain situations but there was no use in being a baby. Even as she thought about it there was a part of her that was saying that wearing diapers meant she was being a baby anyway, she tried to silence that voice as much as she could. Nina dropped on to the couch as soon as she had got her shoes off. Her cheeks were pink from the cycling she had done. Amy went over to put some coffee on whilst Chrissy sat in the armchair. Sam walked over and clambered up on to the couch with a little difficulty. She sat next to Nina as the latter turned on the television. Before she realised she was doing it Sam’s eyes started to feel heavy and her eyelids drooped like her diaper. She let out a yawn and stretched but nothing was going to keep her awake, before they’d even settled on a channel to watch Sam had fallen asleep. --- I recently posted a brand new 109-page subscriber exclusive story! "Blackmailing Tommy" is about a young teacher who, after an accident, lives with his best friend's family until he heals. Unfortunately for Tommy his friend's son see this as an opportunity for revenge on a mean teacher... You can read the 62,000 word story at the following links RIGHT NOW: https://subscribestar.adult/posts/1208661 https://reamstories.com/page/lpjgftb4y2/story/ltnexz8kdu --- If you want to find out what happens on "Sam's Vacation" next you can do so RIGHT NOW at either of the following links: https://reamstories.com/page/lpjgftb4y2/story/lplyymi677/chapter/604f9158-fc2a-44bb-8f7a-60d41576bda0 https://subscribestar.adult/posts/1210422

Hello I've been reading a bunch of little space stories and became inspired to write my own. It's the first story I've written like this so I hope everyone enjoys it. Chapter 1 Classification Day Sarah looked around the auditorium, there were just over two dozen students assembled. Every year from the ages of fifteen to eighteen students are tested for any developing classifications. Those who test positive are divided into three types, dominant, subordinate, and neutral, with several subtypes under dom and sub. Sarah figured she was going to be a caregiver, she always loved playing with her little cousins. Loved seeing them happy and smiling. Caregivers are usually taller but it's not unheard of them to be shorter than six feet. She stood just over five feet tall, with chestnut brown hair and sparkling green eyes that seemed larger than normal. Her face was soft and slightly puffy giving her an innocent look. It was a source of frustration for her, while it helped her when dealing with kids and littles, adults treated her younger than she actually was. The other students looked around nervously, a few of them were obviously friends as they huddled together whispering amongst themselves. She can't blame the others, they probably didn't know what they were going to be. Their attention was drawn to the front by an opening door. A woman walked from the open door to the podium, tapping on the mic before turning her attention to the students. “Welcome to Classification assignment,” the woman said. She was taller than the assembled students. Standing at least six feet tall, with long blond hair and a warm gentle face. “You all can call me Miss Clarissa, and today you’ll all be tested for a classification.” The students' voices raised as a few blurted out questions. Miss Clarissa raised her hand, silencing everyone. “I know you all have questions but we have a lot of students to get through. When your name is called please go through those doors.” she pointed to a set of double doors that stood open. A nurse in scrubs standing there with a list. “Sarah Anderson,” the nurse called. Sarah jumped a little and walked over to the woman, who had a gentle smile on her face. Sarah was led to a small area sectioned off with some partitions. “Please sit. Today we're going to be drawing some blood and then you’ll take the Bectel test.” “Is it painful?” Sarah asked. “Not at all sweetie, some electrodes will be placed on your head then you’ll watch a video while a computer monitors your neural activity. Now I'm going to draw some blood. Is that alright with you?” Sarah nodded her head, and watched the nurse take out a blood draw kit and several vials. She wrapped an elastic band around the girl's arm before feeling for a vein in the crook of her elbow. It took her a moment to find an acceptable vein but she nodded in satisfaction and cleaned the area with an alcohol wipe. Popping the safety cap off the butterfly needle she went to insert it. The girl watched the needle, her heart racing as it drew closer to her skin. She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her hands. “Relax sweetie, it’ll only take a moment,” the nurse said gently. Sarah nodded and unclenched her hands, whimpering as she felt the needle pierce her skin. “Shh shh, you’re fine. Just going to take a moment,” she spoke calmingly and soothingly. “Just one more. That's a good girl.” The nurse took four vials before removing the needle and taping a cotton ball to the puncture. Sarah felt a few tears fall from her eyes as she watched the nurse put labels on the vials and drop them into a bag. The nurse walked away and came back a few seconds later with a sucker. “Here you go darling,” she said, handing it out. “Ready for the next part? I promise it won't hurt.” “‘Kay,” Sarah said with a sniffle. The nurse led her through the room, other kids were having their blood drawn. One of them bawled their eyes out. She tried to focus on her breathing. Trying to calm her racing heart. She didn't notice when they left the room and entered a small room with a machine in it. An older man stood beside a small reclining chair. “I have Sarah Anderson here,” she said, handing over some paperwork. “Excellent, can you sit here for me,” the doctor asked gently. Sarah nodded and hopped up on the chair, her head feeling fuzzy from the needle, she always hated needles. The doctor explained what he was going to do, which she mostly ignored. Except for the last part which caught her attention. “... then once I get a baseline reading I'm going to show you a video.” “Video…?” “Yes, it's just some funny shapes and colors,” he said, walking over to the computer, then tapping a few buttons. “Ready sweetheart?” She nodded again, and watched him flip a switch with trepidation. Bracing for the unknown she was slightly disappointed when nothing happened. He simply smiled down at her, putting her at ease. While she waited she looked around the room. It was a classroom, all the desks were pushed to one wall and the room divider was stretched across it, dividing the classroom in half. “One of my colleagues is in the other half with another Bectel tester,” he said, following her gaze. The computer dinged and he clapped his hands together. “Alright sweetheart, I'm going to start the next part now, go ahead and look at the TV there.” “‘Kay…” she said watching the tv. It was still black for a moment before turning on. It was showing a pure white image. She started to turn her head when the doctor gently patted the top of it. “Keep watching.” She nodded and became entranced as some shapes and colors flashed on screen. They began to change, changing size and color. As she watched her head began to feel fuzzy again. She shook it, trying to clear it while keeping her eyes on the screen. But the fuzzy feeling continued. Spreading through her whole head. The funny shapes continued to change. “Pwetty…” “How are you feeling sweetheart?” “I few fuzzy,” she giggled. “Do you know where you are?” “Scoo!” she exclaimed. “That's right,” he said, smiling at her. “Pwetty sparkus,” she beamed. The video kept her rapt attention, running for a while before fading back to pure white. “Are you with me sweetheart?” “Huh?” Sarah blinked several times before shaking her head. “What…?” “We're done, you'll receive your results in a few days after the bloodwork finishes.” “Thank you,” she said. “No thank you for being such a good girl,” he said, smiling as her cheeks turned pink. “Nurse, I'm ready for the next one.” Sarah looked at the clock, somehow thirty minutes had passed already. Her attention was pulled away as the door opened up. The nurse led another student into the room and took Sarah back to the auditorium. “Sarah Anderson?” Miss Allison called. “Yes ma’am?” “You may go home, take this letter to your parents please,” she said, holding out a sealed envelope. “Yes ma’am,” she said, taking the offered envelope and walking to the door. She pulled her phone from her pocket and texted her mom asking for a pickup. Settling down to read something while she waited. She got a few chapters through one of her favorite little stories before her mom pulled up. “Sarah sweetie,” her mom called her, making her jump. She was so focused on what she was reading she didn't notice her mom standing in front of her. “How’d it go?” “It was alright, they took some of my blood and hooked me up to a weird computer.” “Ah, I remember the day I was classified. Everyone there said it was obvious what I was,” she said, a nostalgic tinge to her voice. “Really?” Sarah asked, hopping to her feet and following her mom to their car. They both climbed into the car, and buckled in. “Yea, it was very obvious I was a dom even before then.” “It was?” “Yea, I was already more developed than other girls my age, and I was very authoritative. The next year I met your father,” she said, then sighed. It was true, her mom was nearly six feet tall, standing at five foot eleven. She was a mistress, which she reluctantly told her daughter. Much to Sarah's embarrassment. Her mother had the same chestnut hair, but hers fell down to the middle of her back. Her warm honey colored eyes drew the viewer to her face, with its small dainty nose, full pouty lips, and sensual smile. “I miss dad,” Sarah said, sniffling slightly, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I do too.” A silence between them fell as her mother drove back to their house. “So, any idea what your classification is?” her mom asked, breaking the silence. “Caregiver probably.” “You do have a lot of fun playing with Alice and Sam. Are you sure you’re not a little?” “No mom, I don’t want to be a little.” “Why not sweetie?” “Cause I don't want to be reliant on someone my whole life. I don't want to be restricted from being an adult. I don't want my freedom taken away. Besides, I don't have any little tendencies.” “Still you might be surprised,” she said softly. “Mom no, I don't even want to think that way. I’ll be a caregiver. End of story,” she said, crossing her arms. “Alright sweetie,” her mom said, chuckling softly. “Did they say how long you have to wait?” “No, but they gave me a letter for you,” she said, pulling it out of her pocket. “Hold on to it until we get home sweetie.” “‘Kay mom.” Sarah pulled out her phone and texted her best friend Melissa. She’s also doing her classification test today, but later than Sarahs. With a big yawn her head bobbed and fell to her chest as she fell asleep. ***** “Sweetie, time to get up.” “Huh?” Sarah stirred, looking at her mom bleary eyed. “We’re home.” She looked around in confusion. “Still tired sweetie?” Sarah nods and holds up her arms. “Such a spoiled girl,” her mom said, giggling as she picked up her daughter, pocketing the envelope that had fallen from her grip. Carrying the half awake girl to the front door. She used her free hand to open the door. “We’re back,” she said, closing the door behind her. “Welcome back Mistress Michelle,” a woman called from the other room. “How’d it go?” “Well enough,” she replied, walking into the living room. Placing her daughter down on the couch she turned to face a woman who looked very different than her. Smaller with light blonde hair and clear blue eyes. She was much smaller at only “Long day?” “I think she was just stressed. You know how stressful classification day can be,” she sighed sitting down next to the woman, who pressed into her side and hummed contentedly. “I know, my mom was sad that I got designated as a pet,” she said nuzzling into Michelle. “Like she was super supportive but I could tell she was disappointed.” “And it's her loss,” she replied, planting a kiss on the smaller woman's lips. “You’re a wonderful woman, Ariel. And an amazing pet. “I’m so glad you adopted me,” she said. “Especially after Jason.” “Shh shh, don't even think about him,” Michelle said, swiping a tear from her pet's cheek. “Should we wake Sarah up?” “No, leave her to sleep for now, it's barely been twenty minutes. She gave me a letter,” she said, holding up the sealed envelope. Dear Miss Michelle, This letter is to inform you that preliminary results show that your daughter will be classified as a little. You should make sure she's aware and ready to receive the official announcement, as well as her official regression range. Should she drop before receiving the results we encourage you to allow it to progress naturally. Sarah will be required to attend special classes. Before her eighteenth birthday we advise finding her a caregiver. If she doesn’t have a registered caregiver sixty days after her eighteenth birthday a foster caregiver will be assigned to her. Once her age range is established a list of required items will be supplied with the classification folder. Best regards, Agent Alexi, C.L.P.S. “Shit…” Michelle swore. “What?” “Sarah’s going to be pissed…”

I knew about her MS, but I didn't know how it progressed. I firmly believe that celebrities have a right to privacy. However, I think MS is progressive, and it's hard for a public personality to hide the symptoms. I'm sure there is a reason that she chose to share her diagnosis. I appreciate how she chose to share this because it wasn't necessary. Nobody would ever know that she wears a diaper, but the way that she shared it will likely help a lot of people accept their condition and deal with it positively. Maybe it's just me, but she feels too young to be dealing with that. She was the dumb pretty girl Kelly Bundy when I started college. BTW- I remember her making fun of Bud for bedwetting and wearing diapers a whole bunch in the early years.

The unicorns aren't perilous enough? It sounds like they're practically a disease making all of my readers vomit rainbows? 🤣 There will be another chapter tomorrow, I will tell you that much. Thanks for the comments! 🙂

Part 11: “Welcome, Susy. I’m glad to see you,” the priest smiled at Susy when she entered his office at the rectory, “we should discuss about your presentation tonight.” “Yeah, Father. It is an important moment for me and for all parishioners. Since the alleged miracle, rumors have been spreading. Now it’s time to stop them and speak to the public.” “I know, Susy. You really can’t conceal your former job and abilities. However, it is not a professor who will speak. We have to find the appropriate words of a small girl that just has learned speaking, and her mind level matches a kindergartner.” “Yeah, Father. We have to be extremely careful. On the other hand, I still can thank God and my mommy for the miracle.” “Right, Susy. Also, you needn’t speak too long. A small and shy girl wouldn’t say more than a few sentences.” “Okay, Father I will say a few words about God, the miracle, and my loving mommy. It will be enough.” “Exactly, Susie. However, be careful when people will ask you. Mom and I will protect you against a flurry of questions.” The priest got a sheet of paper and wrote down a short speech for Susy. She took it, read it, and nodded, “that will be enough. I’ll read it at home and try to remember everything. Of course, I can’t read at church.” “Thank you, Father. We will go home and get prepared,” Cassie thanked him and took Susy at hand and headed back to her car. “We don’t have too much time,” Cassie turned to Susy while driving, “we will unload the bags, arrange your presentation, and go to the church then.” Ann and Charlie were at home already and they helped Cassie carry the bags. “Aren’t you worried about tonight?” Ann was curious; she still didn’t know the whole truth about Susy. “No, I’m not. Mommy will hold me at hand and help me though,” Susy smiled at Ann; she had to control herself to avoid a grin, “she has bought a new dress for me.” “Really? Can I see it?” Ann was definitely a typical girl; she liked beautiful clothes. “Of course, sis. We will help mom and prepare what I would say at the church. After that, you will change me, and I’ll put it on then.” “Okay,” Ann grabbed the next bag and carried it to the kitchen. Susy took the bag with her new clothes and left for her bedroom. She put it onto her bed and walked to the living room. Cassie was waiting for her already. Ann was unpacking the bags in the kitchen, and Charlie was doing his homework. Susy read the speech several times and she was sure she had remembered almost everything. “Are you ready?” Ann entered the living room and Cassie took the paper and pretended to have read it. “Yeah, Annie. Change your clothes and we can go,” Cassie replied instantly. “Can you change my diaper first, sis?” Susy smiled at Ann and headed towards the bathroom without waiting for an answer. Ann nodded and followed her. Susy pulled down her tights and lay down on the changing table and spread her legs. Ann untaped the soaked diaper, cleaned her crotch and rediapered her. “Thanks, sis,” Susy gave Ann a wide smile, jumped down from the changing table, threw the tights into the laundry basket and hurried up to her bedroom to change into the new dress. “Wow, sis. It is beautiful indeed,” Ann stared at Susy. She also had changed into an elegant dress. “Your dress is beautiful, too,” Susy smiled and did a pirouette, “let’s go, mom is waiting for us already.” They arrived at the church; there were even more parishioners as everyone would expect. Of course, the rumors about a miracle spread across the town long ago, but that was the first opportunity to see the miraculous girl in public for the very first time. Cassie didn’t hide Susy, but they encountered only a few people at the shopping center, kindergarten, or park. Despite her former experience, Susy got nervous when she spotted the crowd in front of the church and realized all eyes were on her. She squeezed mom’s hand firm and peed in her diaper out of nervosity. They took their place in the second row and the worship began. About ten minutes later, the priest announced: “Let me introduce Susy, the girl that had been cured by a true miracle. We all have to thank God for it and pray for her. Now she will tell you a few words. Susy, come here please.” Cassie stood up and took Susy at hand and led her slowly to the altar. They stopped at the small counter and turned to the waiting community. Susy still was holding Cassie’s hand, but it was a spectacle only. “I was very sick, but I have been cured by a miracle. God gave me all I was missing, and I thank Him for it. I thank my mommy for all her love and care. I love her and all my family and will pray for everybody.” The reaction was instant; the people stood up and applauded her. At that moment, Susy calmed down and recalled her past when she had presented her work at conferences. As the applause faded out, several people stood up and headed towards her and started questioning her about the miracle. Suddenly the worship turned into some kind of press conference. “Susy, when did you feel the miracle?” “Sweetheart, how did you find out the miracle?” … Susy was overwhelmed by a flurry of questions, and she almost lost control and started answering them like she did it in her former life when the priest interjected. “Hey, this is a worship and Susy is a small girl only. If you want to learn about miracles, ask me rather than her, and do it later at my office and not here and now, please.” Susy was glad to be rescued by him and hugged her mom tightly to show she was a small girl only. An idea hit her. “Mommy, can you change me please? I’m all wet,” she asked mom; it was a nice spectacle to distract the people and make them believe she wasn’t cured totally. “Of course, sweetheart,” Cassie turned towards the exit, “excuse us please. We will return in a jiffy,” she addressed the curious ones. “That was close, mommy. I almost reacted to the questions and revealed more than we want to,” Susy felt a big relief when they got to the family restroom and Susy lay down on the changing table. “No problem. You always can rely on our priest,” Cassie pulled down Susy’s tights and checked the diaper, “you almost leaked, Susie.” “It could happen, mom,” Susy shrugged, but she realized she had peed in her diaper once more and didn’t realize it. The second wetting had to take place while she was talking or later while the people were questioning her. Nevertheless, she didn’t mind it; she liked her diapers. Five minutes later, the returned to the church and the worship continued uneventfully. However, Susy got a very pleasant feeling; all people were smiling at her. After the worship and a dinner, Susy fell asleep; she was tired after the challenging day, but her mood improved a lot. She liked the role of a little girl even more. However she wasn’t sure if she should pretend any advance in her mind abilities or stay the cute little toddler and have a secret second life.

Mission Improbable (Part 3 of 13) Tracy steeled herself before opening the car door. The comfortably warm morning had turned into a miserably hot and muggy day. She was feeling sweaty despite the air conditioning in Kat's car. The grey pantsuit she was wearing didn't help. The fabric felt itchy and stiff compared to the cotton and synthetics she usually wore, but it did make her look more official; more like a government employee. In addition to the uncomfortable clothes, her diaper felt hot and clammy, even though she hadn't used it. At least not yet. Tracy looked over at Kat, who looked infinitely more comfortable in a crisp, black suit and tie. Her usually messy hair was slicked back and she looked more like an agent in some shadowy government agency that shouldn't be named, than the semi-legal drug-dealer and part time dominatrix she was. A part of Tracy's mind wondered if the suit was one of her 'work'-outfits, while another part didn't want to know the answer to that question. "How many more?" Kat asked. She sounded like she was bored and beginning to regret tagging along. "Only two more." Tracy tried to sound more cheerful than she was. If Kat was bored, she might decide to make things more interesting by embarrassing Tracy in some subtle way that would go unnoticed by everyone else, but would still make her feel incredibly self-conscious. "I still can't believe they give you the info, just like that." Tracy grinned. "The whole trick is to have the right attitude. You have to... sort of give off this air of entitlement. Like when you ask questions, you expect them to be answered immediately and respectfully; when you ask them to do something, you expect immediate compliance." Kat grinned and arched an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're not a closet domme?" "Fuck you," Tracy rolled her eyes at Kat. Kat kept grinning. "Is that supposed to be an insult or a to-do list?" Tracy sighed. "Can you at least try to take this seriously?" "Yes ma'am. Absolutely ma'am." Kat quipped back and opened the car door. The outside heat overwhelmed the air conditioning and forced Tracy out as well. She stood and adjusted her jacket. She knew her diaper was thin enough not to cause a noticeable bulge, but it still felt huge. "Ready?" Tracy took a deep breath and tried to shift her attitude to 'I-expect-immediate-compliance'. "Yeah. Let's just get this over with." Kat put on her sunglasses. "I'm beginning to think that your idea of staying in bed wasn't so bad." Tracy didn't answer. She just gave a little smile and walked towards the entrance to the ambitiously named ProtoDev Global. The door was locked, but when Tracy knocked on the glass, the woman at the front desk looked up from her screen and buzzed them in. Tracy stepped inside the blessedly cool front office. "Yes? How can I help you?" the woman asked. She looked at Kat who had taken up position by the front door and stood at a parade rest that would have made a drill sergeant weep with pride. "Ah, "We're with the Internet Data Integrity and Oversight Division." Tracy flashed her ID, making sure her thumb was covering the name of her fictitious agency. "I.D.I.O.D.?" the secretary asked hesitantly. Tracy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes yes, make the jokes and get it out of your system. I'm just glad they didn't find a word beginning with T instead of Division." "Treaty?" the woman suggested. "Not. Helping," Tracy replied icily. "Look, we need to speak to whoever's in charge of your IT-department." "That'd be me," the woman said. "Right. Last night someone used a network in this area for some activities that I'm not at liberty to discuss. I would appreciate it if you could check to see if there was any unusual traffic on your network between one and one-fifteen last night." "Don't you need a warrant for that kind of information?" Tracy took a deep breath. "How many networks do you think you can access from here?." "A lot?" "Yeah. And if I want to root through their records, I need a separate warrant for every single network. Do you have any idea how much paperwork I have to fill out for every single one of those warrants?" Tracy leaned on the desk and spoke quietly. "I'm not asking you to give me the data. I just want to find out if there's any point to filling out all that paperwork. If they didn't use your network, that's one less warrant to fill out." "Is that legal?" "Technically, yes. After all, you're not giving me the data, you're just checking for suspicious activity. And if you happen to find anything, you're just being a concerned citizen by letting me know that I should get a warrant. Or, if it's OK with your legal department, you could give me the data. That would probably be the least disruptive course of action. For your business, I mean." Tracy glanced back at Kat who had barely moved a muscle. Her living statue act was really quite unnerving. "I have to check on some things. Do you mind waiting a couple of minutes?" "Not at all." Tracy watched the woman disappear through the door to the back of the building. She leaned forward and glanced surreptitiously at the computer. She hadn't locked it before leaving. Tracy looked around for surveillance cameras. Not seeing any, she brought out black box the size of a pack of cards. Tracy nonchalantly put it on the front desk next to the computer and pressed the button on it. If she's this careless, why shouldn't I give myself access. The button flashed green a couple of times, signalling that it had copied the necessary credentials to access the system. Tracy slipped it back in her jacket pocket and looked back at Kat who still hadn't moved. A small bead of sweat was making its way down the side of her neck where the sunlight hit it. Tracy walked over to Kat and leaned against the wall next to her. "What do you think?" Tracy asked quietly. "I bet she'll say that legal insists on a warrant before letting you know anything," Kat whispered, barely moving her lips "Oh? What makes you think that?" "Come on, there's no way they're not doing something shady, if not downright criminal back there." "I don't know." Kat pulled her sunglasses down her nose and looked at Tracy over the top of them. "Tell you what, I'll make you a bet. If they let you know anything at all, I'll take you out for dinner tonight." "And if they don't?" Kat leaned closer. "You're still dry, aren't you?" she whispered. "Kat," Tracy hissed. "If they want a warrant to let you know anything at all, we're not leaving this building until you're wet. I'm guessing you should have some 'reserves' ready to make that happen." Kat smiled almost imperceptibly and pushed the sunglasses back up. Before Tracy had a chance to reply, the door opened and the woman returned. Tracy walked back to the front desk. "I'm sorry," she said. "But our attorney says, and let me get this right, 'if you want to go fishing in our pond, you'd better have a permit'." Kat touched her ear. Then she cleared her throat. "Agent Hopper?" she said, "HQ needs us to handle a leak." Tracy had to force herself not to roll her eyes. "Seriously?" she asked. "Orders," Kat replied curtly and shrugged. Tracy leaned on the front desk and sighed heavily. She tried to make it sound like a sigh of frustration as she let go. The diaper was hot and clammy enough that there's wasn't even the usual warm rush. Instead, the itching was replaced by a momentary swelling feeling as the trickle increased to a steady stream. For a few moments, Tracy felt the wetness pool between her legs. How the hell is she able to make me agree to do this with a single word? And actually make me go through with it too. It's not like I'd ever come up with this on my own. Peeing in my diaper in front of a complete stranger, like I'm a... baby? Is she just doing more mommy-things? Mommy-domming? Mommynatrixing? Tracy could already feel the diaper begin to swell. In a minute she would be waddling in a very un-governmental-agent manner. She tried to clamp down and stop it so she wouldn't have a leak, but it was no use. Luckily she hadn't had a full bladder so the stream soon turned back into a trickle and stopped completely. "I guess we'd better go handle that leak then," Tracy said and rolled her eyes. She pushed herself away from the desk and turned to walk to the door. Kat opened it and the blast of hot air from the outside instantly made Tracy feel sweaty. The fresh heat trapped around her crotch didn't exactly help; nor did the flush of shame from having done what she just did. "We'll be back with that warrant later," Tracy said over her shoulder. "Unless the other companies have what we need," she added just before the door closed behind them. Making a conscious effort to not waddle, Tracy headed for the car. "Why do you do that?" "What do you mean?" Kat opened the passenger side door of the van for Tracy. "Make me... you know..." "Well, you are my little baby girl today. And good little girls do what their mommy tells them." "Kaaaat." "Now, no more whining. You get in the car before I just change you right here in the back seat." "Oh you wouldn't." Tracy stared at Kat who gave her a steely look. "Do you want to try me?" Kat said quietly, her voice a velvet glove around an iron fist. "No," Tracy admitted meekly. "Good. Now get in. We have to go back to HQ." Tracy eased herself inside. She knew it was impossible, but she could have sworn she heard the squelch that she felt when she sat down. Kat got in behind the wheel and put a hand on Tracy's knee. "Want to get changed before hitting the last place?" "Mm-hmm." Tracy nodded. "I don't think we'd be very credible as highly trained government agents if I waddled into the office like a duck." "A very cute duck though," Kat pointed out. Tracy just looked back at her. As they headed back to where they had parked the van, Tracy had to stop herself from trying to slide back and forth in her seat. The humiliation of having been made to wet herself in front of a stranger, didn't diminish the way her wet diaper felt. And did I actually get forced into doing it? After all, I could have just said no and just wet myself afterwards. Do I like this? It's terrifying, but it also feels really good, kind of like the first times I wore diapers... "Sweetie. No playing with yourself in public." Kat's voice interrupted Tracy's train of thought. Tracy quickly pulled her hand away from her crotch. She looked away, her cheeks burning. Why do I keep losing control like that when I'm with Kat? "Does my little girl want a little alone-time before I change her diaper?" Kat's question only made Tracy blush even harder. "No," she mumbled and focused her attention on the street outside. "Are you embarrassed Häschen?" Kat reached over to stroke Tracy's hair. "Why do you make me do this?" Tracy asked, still facing away. "I don't think it's fun at all." "First of all, I'm not making you wet yourself. You're choosing to do that yourself. And I'm only telling you to do these things because I think that deep down, you like it." "No I don't," Tracy protested. "It's humiliating." "That's what you said about wearing diapers too. Remember?" "That's different. I wasn't wearing them, and certainly not wetting them, in public." "Baby steps Häschen, baby steps." Kat pulled up next to Tracy's van that they had left parked in a back alley. "OK, we're here." Tracy opened the door and eased herself out of the car, wincing at the squishing sensation as she turned in her seat. She felt the diaper sag a little as she stood and hoped there hadn't been a leak on the short ride. Apparently Kat had read her mind again. "Relax. No wet spots," she said. Tracy opened the side door of the van and climbed inside. Kat locked her car before joining Tracy in the back of the van. She closed the door, plunging them both into the stuffy gloom. Kat sat down on the box behind the passenger seat and patted her lap. As Tracy sat down, she spread her legs so Tracy's diaper could hang between her thighs. Then she wrapped her arms around Tracy's waist and pulled her closer. "Are you upset with me?" Kat asked as she rested her chin on Tracy's shoulder. "It's just... Sometimes it feels kind of like you're working through your frustrations by going all mommy on me. Maybe we could try, I don't know, talking about it? Instead of having me piss myself in public, I mean." "The way you were behaving in the car tells me you did like it; even if you won't admit it." Kat played with Tracy's belt. "I'm serious Kat. You need to tell me what's bothering you." Tracy swatted Kat's hand away. Kat sighed heavily. "Fine. But promise you won't get weird about it all." "Kat, I'm sitting on your lap wearing a wet diaper and suspecting you're about five minutes away from gagging me with a giant pacifier. Who am I to be all judgy?" "Now that you mention it, a gag like that would be really cute." "Kat," Tracy said as sternly as her position allowed. "Fine, fine. But can you at least pretend to be my little baby girl and let me change you while we talk?" Tracy turned and looked at Kat. "Please?" Kat asked, suddenly sounding very small and insecure. Most of all, the tone in Kat's voice just made Tracy want to hug her and say that she didn't have to talk about it, but she realised that that wouldn't solve anything and this, whatever it was, was something that needed to be dealt with. "OK," Tracy said and rose. She checked that the curtain between the front of the van and the back was completely closed before beginning to undress. While Tracy took off her jacket and pulled down her pants, Kat spread a blanket out on the floor of the van. She had to push Tracy's bean bag chair and the suitcase with her drones all the way to the back of the car, but when she was done, there was enough room to lie down. Tracy, in the meantime, had kicked off her shoes and stepped out of her pants, and stood there wearing only a white shirt and her slightly sagging diaper. When Kat was done with the blanket, she squatted down and crawled onto the blanket before lying down and rolling over on her back. Kat spread Tracy's legs and knelt between them. "Aww, is my widdle baby girl wet?" she asked in a high-pitched voice. "Uh-huh." Tracy nodded. Then for good measure, she put her thumb in her mouth. "An I'm mot bun ye'," she said around the finger. If this doesn't get her talking, nothing will. "OK, wha' happeped las' nigh'?" Tracy asked. "Once upon a time," Kat began while she sat down on the blanket, resting Tracy's legs across her lap and slowly stroking Tracy's thigh. "Deep in the forest in a faraway land, was a magical town called... Urwald. And in Urwald lived a little girl named Katarina. Oh man, she's really going full out here. Tracy took the thumb out of her mouth long enough to ask "Was she a pretty princess?" "They didn't have princesses in Urwalt, but she was pretty. She had long, blonde hair, and she was smart. Really smart." "Just like you?" Tracy asked, playing along. "Yes, I guess. She loved playing in the woods and learning about all sorts of flowers and plants. Now, one day, a new family came to Urwald. They were a mommy and a daddy and two girls and a boy. They were kind of strange because they all only had one name. The mommy and daddy were called Sierra and Marley, and the children were Rosemary, Coriander and Basil." "Are you kidding?!?" Tracy looked at Kat in disbelief. Kat nodded seriously. "They came from a different country called Oregon, and only the grown-ups knew the language they spoke in Urwald. Well, they knew a little of it, but their children didn't. So some of the children in Urwald had to teach them." "Mm-hmm?" Tracy tried to seem interested as she felt a small trickle of pee escape her to tickle its way down to pool by her butt. "Now, since Katarina was the same age as Coriander, she got the job to teach her." "Makes sense," Tracy mumbled. "Coriander was smart too and she learned the language really quickly, and she and Katarina became really good friends. They did everything together. They went exploring in the woods, they played house together; they even practised kissing together." "Sounds like they were really good friends," Tracy said and grinned. "The best." Kat smiled wistfully. "In fact, when Katarina was thirteen and Coriander was fourteen, they ran away and planned to get married." "Mm-hmm." Tracy was beginning to see where this was headed. She took Kat's hand in hers and gently stroked it. "Kat? Did you run into your ex-girlfriend last night?" "Wife, actually." Kat looked down. "Wife?" "Yeah," Kat said sheepishly. "Cory and me actually did get married. The priest was high as a kite when he did it, but it's still valid." "And did she know you were... 'working'?" "OK, are you done?" Kat gave Tracy's diaper a little squeeze. "Kat?" Tracy asked, not letting her change the topic. "Not at first," Kat admitted. "But I think she figured it out." "Oh?" "My... date calling me 'Mistress Katarina' probably gave it away." "I guess. And what did she want? Or was it just random?" "I don't know. She did say she wanted to talk later." Kat crawled back between Tracy's legs and began undoing the tapes. "Now, is mommy's little bunny done?" she said, effortlessly slipping back into her mommy role. I guess I'm not getting anything more out of her yet. Tracy nodded and lifted her hips to let Kat pull the wet diaper out from under her. Kat spread her legs enough that Tracy' thighs rested on hers and her butt was hanging in mid-air. The cool touch of the wipes Kat used to clean her sent a shiver up Tracy's spine. Being cleaned like that was her second favourite thing about wearing diapers. Kat held up the tube of anti-rash cream. "Do you want the cream?" "Uh-huh." "Use your words Häschen. Do you want the cream?" "Yes please." Kat squirted out a generous amount on Tracy's mound and began to spread it out, making sure she got into every nook and cranny. When Kat's slick hand slipped between Tracy's buttocks, she giggled and twisted. "Stop fussing sweetie. We're almost done." Kat dried her hands and pulled a fresh diaper out of the bag she liked to call Tracy's diaper bag. She unfolded it and slid it in under Tracy's butt. Then she eased herself backwards, lowering Tracy onto the diaper. Kat cocked her head and looked at Tracy's crotch. "It's almost a shame to cover this up. Isn't it, my little, glazed doughnut?" Tracy just stuck out her tongue. Kat laughed and pulled the diaper up between Tracy's legs and taped it in place. She added a long strip of duct tape across the front in case she got some of the diaper cream on the tapes. "There, isn't that better?" Kat stroked the diaper. "Mmm-yeah." "Good, because you have to get dressed. There's still one more company that needs a visit from the idiot agents." Tracy sighed and rolled over. When she got up on all fours, Kat squeezed her diapered butt, making Tracy let out a surprised squeak. "Kat!" "Sorry, Mommy just couldn't resist. Your little baby butt just looked so adorable." Tracy stood and pulled on her pants, tucking the shirt inside. "You know we're not done talking about last night, right?" Kat shrugged non-committally and picked up the blanket, stuffing it into the diaper bag. ***

I am sitting here this morning in a wet and messy Tykables Animooz diaper and a hot cup of coffee while listening to The Usual Bet podcast. I wet during the night, and went potty in my diaper while in the kitchen getting my coffee. Relaxing and messing my diaper, feeling the warm poopy fill up my diaper is one of the best pleasures of life for me. Sitting here with the warm squish in my diaper is heavenly. Simple, and natural for me to go poopy in my diapee. Fortunately I don't mind cleaning up at all, only takes a few minutes to get clean and fresh. I know the general population thinks that this is disgusting, and not everyone in the ABDL community enjoys a messy diaper, but for me, a messy diaper is soooo pleasurable.

That's an easy one, whatever colour my Daddy decides to put me in before He snuggles me up in His arms 💗💗 Honestly, colour is a pretty secondary or tertiary consideration for me as it's about who is putting me in diapers versus a colour.

I love this story. The slooooow progression is delicious.

If it was, every movie on the Hallmark channel would be guilty of it... 😁😂🤣😆

Airplane bathrooms are barely ideal for pooping normally. Changing a messy adult diaper without exacerbating the situation would practically qualify you for Cirque Du Soleil.

You didn't correct him and say deliciously incontinent?

Chapter 10: Change of Plans I fell asleep last night without pretending to wet the bed. But that was OK. I’d come to the conclusion that I was going to need to adjust my approach to bedwetting if I wanted to convince my family that the bedwetting was real and not going away anytime soon. I was supposed to set an alarm on my phone before going to bed on a school night so that I would get up in time to get on the bus, but I rarely remembered to do so. That meant that instead of a buzzing sound from my phone, I was rudely awakened by Mom knocking on the bedroom door. “Madelyn, I’m not going to say it again. You need to start getting ready for school right away.” There were a couple more knocks on the door, followed by a longer pause. I opened my eyes long enough to take a look at the digital clock in the room. It was fifteen minutes past when I should have gotten up to get in the shower. For the first time in three mornings, I had woken up in my bed rather than in a sleeping bag on the floor. I closed my eyes again. I was too exhausted to even want to sit up in bed. There was a reason Mom and Dad never let me stay up past midnight on a school night. These late nights were absolutely killing me. The door creaked open and then clicked shut. I heard Mom’s footsteps as she approached the bed, but I kept my eyes closed. Just let me have a few more seconds of rest. Pretty please. Mom sighed and rubbed her hand against my shoulder. “You really need to get up now, Maddy, or you’re not going to have time to eat breakfast before catching the bus.” That would have been fine with me. I didn’t care to eat breakfast most mornings now if I could avoid doing so. But Mom and Dad usually insisted that I get something to eat before going to school. Sometimes, when I was running late, they’d just hand me an orange or a banana, which would often get passed off to one of my friends. Mom rubbed my shoulder again. I opened my eyes. There was no use putting it off any longer. I glanced up at Mom. “Looks like someone slept a lot better last night,” she said. I didn’t agree. I opened my mouth in a wide yawn. “But I’m so tired.” “But your bed stayed dry, right?” Mom asked in a whisper that was unnecessary with the door closed. Oh, that’s what she was referring to. I rolled my eyes, attempting to be the perfect caricature of a soon-to-be teenager, annoyed that her mother would even dare ask that kind of question. “Of course it did.” “That’s good,” Mom said, though she did take one more glance down at my midsection as she said so. “I think as long as you don’t drink too much and remember to use the toilet before bed, we shouldn’t have any repeats.” I nodded in agreement. I could let her think she had won, for now. With Mom now convinced that I was awake, she left the bedroom, leaving me to hurry through my morning routine. I tossed the covers off and went to select an outfit for the day to have something to change into in the bathroom once I was done showering. I grabbed a pair of black leggings and a light-blue T-shirt that had three ducks in a row on it – two yellow ones and one gray one. I was much more awake the moment I stepped into the shower. My change of plans had been the result of several realizations, ones that were even clearer after having a night to sleep on it. The first realization was that I couldn’t just keep doing the same bedwetting routine night after night. It was fine to try to do the most normal type of bedwetting for the first couple of nights of faking the bedwetting, but I was going to need to risk mixing things up. Wetting the bed in the same way at the same time, night after night, would eventually appear unusual if I were to be following an exact pattern. The second realization was that it was OK to have a few random nights where I didn’t wet the bed at all. I seemed to recall from the conversation three years ago with my bedwetting cousins that they hadn’t wet the bed every night, either. I didn’t know how things had been for Grace, but perhaps her experience had been similar. The third realization was that I was going to need to follow all of my parents’ rules about limiting my liquids and using the toilet before bed. It was becoming apparent that pull-ups would likely be a measure of last resort, so I had to make it appear as though every other attempt at stopping the bedwetting was unsuccessful. If they were to catch me drinking too much water, they would blame it on that rather than considering other solutions. I decided that, at least for this last night, I would let Mom, Dad, and Grace think that they’d won, that their efforts to curtail my liquids and ensure that I used the toilet before bed had been enough to bring this recent spate of bedwetting to a halt. I would prove them wrong tonight. It would involve a little more risk, but I didn’t have any other choice. There were several knocks on the bathroom door, followed by the sound of Dad’s voice, which was barely noticeable with the shower still running. “Maddy, you already were up late. You don’t have time for a long shower.” That snapped me out of daydreaming about my new plans for faking bedwetting tonight. I rushed to finish cleaning myself up. By the time I had finished showering and dressing, the bus was set to arrive in less than five minutes. Jackson had already gotten on his bus for elementary school, and Grace was driving to school, so she was still lazily picking through her breakfast while staring at her phone. If the high school hadn’t been in the opposite direction from our house as the middle school, my parents might have had Grace drop me off on her way to high school, but even though I hated how long the bus ride was – and needing to get up extra early for it – the one nice thing was that it gave me time to spend with Emma and Angie before classes began. And besides, the school year was nearly over. Just one more week. Just a bunch of final exams and standardized tests to wade through, and then I’d be free for the whole summer. And there wouldn’t be any actual tests this morning. Monday was prep day, which meant teachers in each of our classes were doing final reviews before it would be time to take our final exams and other end-of-year tests. Not that it mattered much. Even if, by some miracle, I were to ace all of my tests, it wouldn’t bring my grades up to where my parents wanted them to be. That was the downside of having a really smart older sister. Grace had just had to go first and set a bunch of academic expectations that I wasn’t capable of meeting. “Sleep well last night?” Grace asked as I sipped on a glass of orange juice that Mom had hastily poured for me. This time, I caught on to the fact that my sister was really asking about the bedwetting, not whether or not I had gotten a good night’s worth of sleep. “Yeah,” I replied, avoiding eye contact with her. “Maddy,” Mom called out from the front room. “Your bus is at the other end of the street.” I picked up my backpack and rushed to the front door. Mom placed a banana in my hand, which I knew right away was going to be given to Emma. <><><> Both Emma and Angie had already turned thirteen during the school year. I was a late bloomer. I wasn’t going to officially be a teenager for a couple of weeks. My two friends didn’t hold their status as official teenagers over me. Well, at least not that much. Emma accepted the banana from me as I took a seat next to her on the bus. That was good because I wasn’t all that hungry, and it would have been wasteful to just toss it out. I spent the first portion of the bus ride describing the soccer camp my parents had signed me up for in great detail. “Yes, yes, we get it. You’re going to have a fun time without us,” Angie said, after I had been rambling on the topic for about ten minutes. I shut up at the realization that I had indeed been talking nonstop since I had sat down next to Angie and Emma. “If you can stop being a chatterbox for a few seconds, we can start making some other plans for the summer,” Emma said. The conversation turned to getting together for a sleepover. That was dangerous territory. I needed to get my hands on pull-ups before then so that Mom would feel comfortable sending me on the sleepover. I, of course, wouldn’t even take them out of my backpack, but Mom wouldn’t need to be aware of that. The one good thing was that Angie’s parents were taking her on a road trip for a week right after school was let out. That would push off the first sleepover long enough that my parents should be getting me pull-ups after having run out of other ideas to treat the bedwetting. “We could do the sleepover on your birthday,” Emma suggested. She turned to Angie. “You’ll be back by then, right?” Angie took a look at a calendar on her phone. “Yep, we get back the day before.” “I was thinking,” Emma said. “That we should do something special for it. How about pulling an all nighter?” “No way, I’d be out of it by 2 a.m. at the latest,” Angie said. Emma looked over at me. “Well, birthday girl?” That was perfect. Even if I didn’t have pull-ups by then, I could convince Mom I’d be fine until after my friends left to go sleep things off for the rest of the day at home. “That sounds like fun,” I said. “I can do it as long as I can have enough caffeine.” “OK,” Angie said, giving me a look. “Now I really know that it is a bad idea. No way should you be allowed to have that much caffeine.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. Emma joined with Angie in staring incredulously at me. “Let’s see,” Emma said. “There was that time in second grade when you had pop during the pizza party at school. Do I need to remind you what happened afterward?” I blushed. I was very grateful that Emma hadn’t spelled out what had happened in that embarrassing incident. “That was ages ago,” I protested. “Besides, our teacher should have known that my parents didn’t let me have any caffeinated drinks when I was that young.” “Well, what about that time Allen tricked you into drinking that energy drink last year?” I groaned loudly. “That wasn’t my fault, either. How was I supposed to know that Starbucks’ lemonade was caffeinated?” “I’m not saying it was your fault, just that maybe caffeine and you don’t mix very well,” Angie said. “You practically had the shakes, and you literally couldn’t shut up for hours. Mr. Gainwell had to send you to the nurse’s office until you could calm down.” “That’s still different,” I protested. “I’ll be thirteen. I’ll be fine as long as I pace myself and no one surprises me with drinks secretly spiked with caffeine.” “Fine, but we’re doing the sleepover at your house then,” Angie said. “Your parents can deal with you if you get too hyper.” I agreed that this was a fair deal, though it might take some convincing for my parents to go along with it. <><><> I followed all my parents’ rules about limiting my liquids to the letter after I got home from school. I made sure to not drink too much, and I made sure that they could see that I was only filling my cup halfway up the few times I did have something to drink this afternoon and evening. I didn’t get any further comments about limiting my liquids. I didn’t think that was because my parents weren’t paying attention, but because I’d given them no opportunity to complain, as I was following the directions without needing to be given any reminders. Mom did end up reminding me to go and use the toilet before getting into bed, but I would have done so even if she hadn’t said anything to me. The hardest part tonight was having to wait until I was certain that everyone was asleep. As the clock again passed midnight, I once again found that I had no need to pee at the moment, which wasn’t a surprise for tonight. But that didn’t matter. The situation tonight was perfect. I’d done everything my parents had wanted me to do in order to avoid wetting the bed, so when I would trick them into thinking I had wet the bed anyway, despite all of those precautions, they would have no choice but to look for other solutions. The plan tonight was simple, and there was only a tiny risk of being caught at the wrong time, so I figured I could pull it off. I would do what I had considered doing the night before, but only this time, I would do it without wetting my bed in the first place. I eased myself out of bed, turning on the lamp on the nightstand to let me see what I was doing. I removed all the bedding into a pile on the floor. It was a lot to carry all at once, but it would be a lot less risky if I did it all in one trip. I went to open my bedroom door first, as I’d not be able to easily grab the handle with my hands full. The only point where things could go wrong would be right now. I’d only be in the hallway for a couple of seconds, but if Grace were to come out of her bedroom and notice that none of the bedding I was holding was wet, that would out my plan then and there. But it only took a few seconds to walk down the hallway, even while trying to do so quietly with a massive bundle of laundry in my arms. Soon, I was on the stairs and out of sight, letting me slow down lest I trip over Chester in the dark. I deposited the bedding in the washing machine, added some detergent for good measure, and got the washing cycle started. There wouldn’t be any way to tell that I hadn’t actually peed the bed. It would just look like I had been responsible for taking care of the cleanup myself without waking Mom and Dad. And there wouldn’t even be any need to say something to Mom directly. She would be sure to come across the full washing machine at some point after I had left for school. I remembered to sprinkle baking soda on the bed before getting tucked into the sleeping bag on the floor. My only regret as I was drifting off to sleep was how much it was going to suck having to take a bunch of tests tomorrow while being extra tired. --- Links to all my stories can be found at https://abdlwriter.wordpress.com/

I'm back. I don't know of that's good news or bad, lol. Work has been incredibly busy lately, and it's been hard to find time to work on this story, as much as I'd love to dive in and spend weeks in this universe - I have so many ideas. Lately, I've mostly been working on this well after hours, when the busyness of my daytime work has created an excuse to stay in my office uninterrupted for a bit in the evening. Note: I've added timestamps to the chapters starting here - I may not stick with them moving forward, as they aren't always necessary, but in this dynamic stage of the narrative, I was otherwise going to have to have my characters looking at the clock and commenting on it with some unusual frequency, because as I switched character perspectives and settings, even I was getting lost, so I figured that you, dear reader, might wonder what was going on. I wanted the timeline to be somewhat realistic and believable, as it expands and contracts, to zoom in on some details and then jet across others at ten thousand feet, so to speak. I appreciate your patience. Chapter 58 – Among Strangers [6:35 PM] Zack waited another quarter of an hour between the dumpsters, in case anyone else decided to come out of the emergency exit he’d escaped through. There were no more ringing bells indicating the opening of the door, but a heavy truck engine started up, unnerving him and causing him to retreat further back between the large iron containers, the surfaces of which bore the scares of many bumps and dings. Eventually, a box truck trundled by the gap, headlights glowing, the cab topped with amber marker lights. Zack froze, but the driver did not look over, as far as he could tell. The light from the sky was completely gone, and only the pale sodium vapour lamps provided any contrast. The far corners of the lot were blue and grey with shadows. The smell between the dumpsters was not the greatest, and Zack fought with himself over a desire to get away from the hospital, or at least, away from the festering trash containers, versus his fear of the unknown, which in this case, meant pretty much any course of action at hand short of going back into the hospital. Where would he go? How would he get there? Could he pilot his scooter around the dark streets of a major city without attracting any attention? And what kind of attention might he encounter? Authorities, intent on returning him to the hospital? Or, possibly worse, strangers? Homeless people? I am a homeless person. Zack felt tears at the corners of his eyes, and willed his eyes to stay dry. I am NOT homeless. I have a home, and it’s with my dad. He took a deep breath, then wished he hadn’t. These things probably have rotting food in them, because nobody eats anything they’re served in a hospital. He smiled ruefully to himself. And diapers. Lots of diapers, probably. They seem to want to diaper everybody in these places. Zack swallowed, and took a tentative rolling step toward the expanse of dark asphalt beyond the corridor between the two bins. He quickly realized that while his scooter wasn’t unusable, it had been damaged in the tumble down the stairs. The brakes felt like they were dragging a little, and to get it to go straight, he had to steer slightly to the right. His knee was stinging, his scuffed palm smarted, and the fractured ankle throbbed a little as well. However, he tried to ignore the feedback from his body, which whispered to him that maybe running away from a building full of doctors and nurses was a bad idea right now, at night, in a strange city. He struck off across the asphalt, hearing a light whir whir whir with each rotation of the front wheel. The sea of black tarmac narrowed down to a two-lane roadway that ran away from the rear of the hospital, and spilled out onto a side street with very few signs of life along it. It seemed like the whole area was behind buildings whose entrances faced other, busier streets. Zack looked back over his shoulder as he maneuvered past an automated arm that prevented vehicles from driving into the parking lot without pressing an intercom button or tapping in a code. There was a camera on a pole above the intercom box, which he decided to avoid looking directly at, although, realistically, he realized that if the search was on for a kid with a broken leg, he would probably be identified as a possible target right away, if anyone was watching the camera feed, regardless of if he gave them a close look at his face, or not. Left or right? Left would take him towards a busier intersecting street that his navigational intuition told him would then cross over the main street that the hospital was on. Going right looked like it would take him past the parking garage entrances, dumpsters, and service entrances of some tall buildings that might be hotels or residential towers, or both. A cat ran out from under a forlorn looking bush that occupied a lone patch of dirt amidst an ocean of asphalt and concrete. It looked at Zack and then bolted into the shadows on the other side of the street. Three white vans sat across from him, silent. The scream of a siren split the air and echoed off of the concrete surfaces around him, causing Zack’s heart to freeze, but as he spun his head, he saw an ambulance race by on the busier street. So, not the police. Not yet, anyway. Although he hadn’t broken any laws… had he? He wasn’t sure. It definitely felt like he was on the other side of the law, though – he knew that back at the Children’s Hospital, a ward of nurses would be on the lookout for him, and behind him, an angry security guard was riding up and down an elevator, probably asking people if they’d seen a kid on a scooter. And Kelly will be on the warpath. He decided to turn left and head towards the busier street, on the theory that he would blend in better with a crowd, or with any group of people, than he would by himself, a kid on a scooter on a dark side street, as the hours grew later. However, on that street, he decided to turn right again, rather than left, thinking that if the search for him was on, they’d probably check up and down the main street a bit, before scouring every possible route of escape. _________ [6:55 PM] Zack half-shuffled, half-rolled for another twenty minutes, until he felt like he’d crossed some kind of invisible border, and was now in another area of the city. There were bars, and closed businesses, and entrances to glittering condo lobbies, as well as eateries and donut shops. The sounds of the hospital were well behind him, and it felt more like an area where people lived, than where they worked. Past a row of darkened business that included a bookstore and a travel agency, Zack encountered a view of the brightly lit interior of a sandwich shop. A couple sat at a table eating, and a lone guy in a blazer sat at a counter, contemplating some kind of wrap. Zack’s stomach growled, and he considered his options, looking in through the window, past his own reflection. The five bucks that lady gave me. It sat like a wad of crumpled paper in his scooter basket. What can you get for $5? Something to eat, and maybe change for a pay phone, or, even better, maybe they’ll let me use their phone. He walked up to the door, and pulled it open, struggling a bit against its desire to close on him as he dragged his scooter inside. An employee of the shop, who looked possibly Greek, or possibly Middle Eastern, stepped out from behind the counter and crossed the dining area with a few large strides, white apron fluttering around him, to hold the door open for Zack. Zack summoned his best I know what I’m doing face, smiled at the man, and scooted up to the counter. “Hello, younk man,” the proprietor said with an accent Zack couldn’t identify, as he resumed his position behind the counter. “What can I get for you tonight?” He rolled the r from for into his you, making it sound like one word. Forrryou. But he sounded friendly. Zack studied the menu on a row of flatscreens behind and above the man, but the options kept changing, so he didn’t have time to really focus long enough to find anything that could fit his budget. The options were weird, too – there were bagels and other sandwiches, but also words in another language – shawarma, falafel, souvlaki, gyros. “Sir,” he said in what he hoped was a confident tone, “have you got anything I can eat, for five bucks? I only have five bucks with me. I, uh, forgot my wallet…” The man smiled down at Zack. How old is this kid? Ten? He took in the casted lower leg, but also, the injured knee that had not been treated, and was still openly weeping blood. “Where are your parents?” Zack’s eyes opened wide, and he swallowed and took a breath. “They’re, uh, at the, uh, the travel agency, and they sent me over to get a snack. We haven’t had time to get dinner yet – they’re booking a trip. A big trip.” “Well, that is exciting – where are you going?” the man asked, arms crossed. “I’m not sure yet – maybe Mexico, or, Africa. Somewhere hot.” The man nodded. “And in the meantime, you are hungry?” Zack nodded back. “What would you like to eat?” “What can I get for five dollars?” “That doesn’t matter. What do you like?” “Can I have, uh…,” Zack studied the pictures rather than the text on the screens. “Can I have like a bagel?” “Certainly, I can prepare a bagel for you. What would you like on it? Lox? Cream cheese? Butter? Any kind of meat?” Zack thought hard. He didn’t know what the hell lox was, and he wasn’t sure if what this guy called crrreamcheese was going to be anything he would recognize. As for meat, again, he wasn’t sure, basically, if it would be weird or not. “Is butter okay?” “Certainly. I will prepare this for you. Do you want it toasted?” “Yes, please.” “And with a drink? Some apple juice, maybe?” Zack nodded. Apple juice was apple juice, he assumed. “Take a seat at one of my tables and I will bring it over to you. Also, I am going to hand you a wet towel, so that you can clean your knee. Did you fall on your way over here from the travel agency?” Zack nodded emphatically. “I didn’t want to interrupt them.” “I understand.” The man turned around and pulled a fat, sesame-seed covered bagel out of a basket below the counter, carrying it over to a perpendicular counter behind him. “How did you hurt your other leg?” “I, uh, I fell at school.” “Playing sports?” “Yes.” “What sport?” “Uh, soccer.” The man furrowed his brow. “You were running for a ball, and you tripped?” Zack nodded. “What position do you play?” “Uh, lots of them, wherever they need me.” “But which do you prefer?” “All of them, really,” Zack said, unsure of what his answer should be. Why didn’t I say baseball?!? The man put the cut bagel onto a metal tray and put it under a broiler, then he pulled a new kitchen rag out of a bag on a lower shelf between two stoves, and he wet it with warm water and rang it out, before handing it to Zack. “Go sit at a table and clean your knee off – otherwise you will scare away my customers,” he said with a wink. Zack took the rag from the man, and wheeled his way over to a table that was as far away from the occupied tables, and from the windows, as he could get – it was over by the entrance to the washroom. He took the rag and pressed it against his knee, wincing as it stung. The warm water wiped away the clotted blood that had dried on top, revealing a series of parallel gouges that reddened again when he pulled the rag away. He cleaned the blood that had run down his shin, wiped his scuffed palm, and then turned the towel over and pressed the clean side against his knee. Please stop bleeding… The man walked over with the toasted bagel on a white ceramic plate, holding a bottle of apple juice in his other hand. He put it down in front of Zack. Zack leaned over the handlebars of his scooter and picked up the crumpled bill, quickly straightening it as best he could, and then he held it out to the man. “No, no, injured soccer players with exotic travel plans do not pay for food in my establishment.” Zack smiled broadly, and dropped the bill back into his basket, before picking up one side of the bagel and taking a bite. It was crusty and buttery and slightly sweet – delicious, really, better than any he’d had at home. “But perhaps we should call your parents at the travel agency? Or wherever they are? My understanding is that the agency is closed, my young friend, and has been for a couple of hours.” Zack swallowed a too-big bite of the delectable bread, and then tried to wash it down with a gulp of apple juice. “Take your time, we are in no rush,” the man said. “Do you have a phone number for your parents?” Zack looked down at the basket on the front of his scooter, and a terrible heaviness formed in the pit of his stomach. The sticky note with dad’s phone number… I left it stuck to the phone at the hospital. He took a breath and blew it out. All the phone numbers he needed were inside his phone, which was, at this moment, safely sitting on a bedside table at a children’s hospital in the suburbs. He didn’t actually know any phone numbers. “I don’t know my dad’s phone number,” Zack whispered. “And I can assume that if I call the travel agency, they will… not be in attendance there?” Zack shook his head solemnly. The door to the sandwich shop opened, and a young Asian couple breezed in, laughing as they looked at a phone together, and leaning on each other. The restaurant owner patted Zack on the shoulder. “Do not worry about it, my young soccer player, eat your food, I can see that you are hungry.” He walked back to the counter to deal with the couple who had come in, and were now studying the varied menu. Zack ate his bagel, but his heart was racing. This guy is going to come back and ask me some more questions, I know it. __________ The man was busy behind the counter, so Zack considered his options. Attempting to slip out of the restaurant unnoticed would be difficult, although he could hope that the guy wouldn’t abandon his post just to chase after some kid he didn’t know. But chase was perhaps an optimistic word. His scooter, in its current state, was not a rapid conveyance. The man, who looked to be in much better shape than the guard at the hospital, could have him by the collar within a few steps. Whether he would do that or not, Zack wasn’t sure, but, one thing he was sure of was that the hour was getting later, and, fleeing into the night again was probably not going to produce better results than the last time he’d done it, a couple of hours before. But, the guy had seen through his travel agency rouse. It wasn’t very well thought out. He was thinking hard now. He tilted his bottle of apple juice, when the ID bracelet on his wrist caught his eye. If he notices this, he’ll know I’m from the hospital. Zack pushed back from his table, balanced on his scooter, and rolled over to the bathroom door. The bathroom was universal, because the small premises only had one, and, thankfully, it had a lock on the inside, and no spring-loaded closing mechanism on it, unlike the front door. So, he was able to easily open it and roll inside, before locking it behind him. He pulled at the bracelet with his other hand, wincing as the strain made his scuffed palm smart, but the bracelet was made of plastic and had a snap through it that had been closed, he guessed, by the nurse who’d put it on him, back when he was newly arrived and dosed with pain medication in the ER at the first hospital. He had no recollection of it. Looking around the bathroom, he noted the serrated edge that ran along the front of the paper towel dispenser. He rolled over to it and reached up, using his other hand to create an unsupported expanse of bracelet that he sawed back and forth across the metal teeth. The bracelet resisted at first, and then split in one quick tear. Just then, there was a knock at the bathroom door. “Youngk man, are you okay in there?” the restaurant owner’s voice inquired. “I’m fine, just using the bathroom,” Zack said cheerfully, then he eyed the toilet. He did need to pee, just slightly, but getting the romper open and excavating down through two layers of diapers would, he felt, leave him exposed, if the guy somehow had a mechanism for getting into his own bathroom, while the door was locked. Which he probably did. Zack remembered back to using a kitchen knife to open the door and surprise Maddy by turning the lights off in their bathroom, when she was taking a shower. Or, he would sneak in and make off with her towel, pajamas and pull-up, leaving her begging him through the bathroom door to bring her something to wear. So, yeah, if he could figure that out when he was nine or ten, this guy could open his bathroom door if he wanted to, lock or no. He tossed the torn bracelet into the toilet and flushed it quickly, watching as it circled, seemed to hesitate for a moment, and then rushed out of the bowl and into the pipes to oblivion. He decided to run the sink for a moment, to contribute to the illusion that he’d used the facilities, and then he rolled over and opened the door. The man was not waiting on the other side, but when he looked across the restaurant, his heart sank through the floor. The Asian couple who were still waiting for their food, and the guy in the blazer who was mostly finished his, were both looking with curiosity at the young, female police officer who was standing at the counter, talking to the restauranteur. Oh Jesus. Zack considered his options, and decided the best one was to sit back down at his table, and drink his juice, and pretend that nothing was amiss. He rolled over to the table, propped it against the edge, and dropped back into his chair. Maybe she’s just grabbing some dinner.

Just a quick note to say I'm in the waiting room waiting for urology. I don't really want to deal with the fact that I'm wearing a diaper, idk why suddenly it's really embarrassing me. But I have been leaking constantly (which is odd because I was completely blocked when I woke up) so there's no way I could be out of diapers for this. I didn't expect to be nervous at all but I am. I just really want to get scheduled for a procedure.

Chapter 48: Weeks rolled by after the whirlwind of Christmas and New Year's festivities. The days settled into a routine that mirrored the rhythm of a nursery rhyme, with predictable yet comforting cadence. My world, once again, revolved around the colorful chaos of Mrs. Henderson's daycare, where playtime and toddlerhood melded seamlessly. Mommy, quickly set up and allowed me to settle into a new routine. Each morning, she would walk me to daycare, the familiar click-clack of her heels on the pavement echoing the routine that had become our daily ritual. Me laying in the pram, still groggy from the previous night’s slumber as she would wheel the pram the few blocks through the neighborhood from our house to Mrs. Hendersons. The pram had transformed into a multifunctional nursery on wheels. Its presence became an integral part of my daycare experience, serving as a makeshift crib for naps and a convenient storage space for spare clothes, snacks, and other necessities. Mrs. Henderson, recognizing its practicality, gladly accepted to keep it at the daycare during the day. As we arrived at Mrs. Henderson's doorstep each morning, the pram would be handed over with the same care as a trusted family member. Its role in my daily routine expanded, much like the familiarity and routine that characterized life in the daycare. Mrs. Henderson, with her apron adorned with playful characters, greeted us warmly, ushering us into the lively haven of toys and toddlerhood. The vibrant play area, with its kaleidoscope of colors, enticed me to explore and engage with the lively atmosphere. Playtime, guided by Mrs. Henderson and occasionally enlivened by Mrs. Simmons, flowed with the energy of young laughter and the gentle hum of daycare life. Feeding time brought a daily challenge, one that Mrs. Henderson met with creativity and care. The absence of a highchair large enough for my adult frame prompted an improvisation—as she would settle me on her knee, a baby bottle in hand, as she balanced spoonfuls of pureed baby food. Diaper changes, with their routine mat, wipes, and baby talk, became a familiar part of the daycare routine. Mrs. Henderson's experienced hands moved with a grace and efficiency. The pram, a constant presence, transformed the daycare experience. When the sun reached its zenith, and the demands of the day took their toll, Mrs. Henderson would guide me to a cozy corner where my carriage would await. The pram, repurposed as a makeshift crib, became a haven for afternoon naps, transporting me into a world of dreams amidst the rhythmic breathing of other toddlers. The daycare days took on a rhythmic pattern, and one of the anticipated highlights was the daily outing for walks. Mrs. Henderson and Mrs. Simmons, with their nurturing spirits, orchestrated these excursions, turning the mundane into mini-adventures for the toddlers under their care. The routine started with the assembly of the toddler troop. The twin strollers, sleek and practical, awaited their occupants with the promise of fresh air and exploration. The other toddlers, their faces beaming with anticipation, would be comfortably nestled into the strollers, their chubby fingers clutching at toys or the edges of the seats. And then there was me, as the other toddlers settled into the strollers, I was gently tucked into my pram. Mrs. Henderson would expertly fasten the safety straps, ensuring that I was snug and secure. The pram became my mobile nursery, wheels ready to traverse the neighborhood while providing the necessary support for my infantile regression. The daycare troop, a colorful procession of strollers and prams, rolled out of Mrs. Henderson's doorstep. The rhythmic hum of wheels on pavement accompanied the lively chatter of toddlers, their excitement palpable in the air. Mrs. Henderson and Mrs. Simmons, with their attentive eyes, orchestrated the journey, pointing out birds, trees, and other wonders of the neighborhood. The twin strollers, side by side, held the toddlers who babbled and giggled as they took in the sights. My pram, slightly behind, served as a reminder of the unique dynamic within the group. Strapped down and secure, I observed the world from the perspective of a contented infant. The toddlers in the strollers would reach out to touch anything within their grasp, point at passing cars, and exchange animated observations. In my pram, I reveled in the gentle sway of the journey, absorbing the sensory experiences of the outdoors with wide, innocent eyes. As the weeks unfolded at Mrs. Henderson's daycare, a subtle transformation occurred within the minds of the parents of the other toddler. Initially, the presence of an adult sized baby among their little ones might have seemed peculiar, perhaps even raising eyebrows and prompting curiosity. However, the routine of daycare life and the shared experiences of the toddlers began to weave a tapestry of acceptance. Mrs. Henderson and Mrs. Simmons, with their nurturing guidance, created an environment where the age gap became inconsequential, and the shared experiences of toddlerhood took precedence. Gradually, the parents of the other toddler began to see beyond the initial novelty. They observed the interactions, the shared joy during playtime, and the genuine care Mrs. Henderson extended to each child, regardless of age. My pram, initially an outlier, became a familiar presence—a unique symbol of daycare life that blended seamlessly into the colorful array of strollers. The other parents, over time, started to view me as just another baby in the nursery. The coos and giggles, the messy diapers, and the shared naptimes all contributed to a normalization of the extraordinary. As the sun would dip below the horizon, signaling the end of another daycare day, Mommy would arrive, her warm smile reflecting the familiarity of our shared routine. Mrs. Henderson, with her nurturing presence, would recount the day's adventures—playtime, meals, diaper changes, and, of course, the unexpected surprises that had become synonymous with my presence in the nursery. The pram, a silent witness to the ebb and flow of daycare life, would be handed back to Mommy. Its wheels, now well-worn from the daily journey, would roll across the familiar path that led us home. The click-clack of heels, the rhythmic hum of the pram wheels, and the soft whispers of baby talk—all blending into the lullaby that accompanied our journey. And so, the days melted into weeks, creating a mosaic of memories within the walls of Mrs. Henderson's daycare. As the weeks passed at Mrs. Henderson's daycare, a subtle undercurrent began to weave its way into my toddler-like emotions—a burgeoning and distinctly childish crush on the stunning Mrs. Simmons. Mrs. Simmons, with her vibrant smile and engaging warmth, became a focal point in my daily adventures. My childish heart fluttered with a sense of excitement whenever Mrs. Simmons joined the playpen, her laughter and playful banter creating a symphony of joy. However, amidst my toddler daydreams, it was evident that Mrs. Simmons saw me through the lens of pure innocence, nothing more than an overgrown infant among the nursery children. Her interactions were characterized by a delightful mix of baby talk, playful teasing, and genuine affection. Whether she was guiding me through playtime, feeding me during meals, or orchestrating the diaper changes, Mrs. Simmons approached each task with a maternal grace that transcended any romantic notions. In her eyes, I was just another toddler under her care—someone to nurture, guide, and cherish. The affectionate pats on the back, the encouraging smiles, and the tender care during diaper changes were all gestures rooted in the understanding that, despite my adult status, I existed within the realms of toddlerhood. In the vibrant world of Mrs. Henderson's daycare, Mrs. Simmons played a central role in the daily adventures that unfolded. With each interaction, my childish crush on her subtly deepened, despite the clear and caring boundaries that separated our roles. During feeding times, Mrs. Simmons would playfully orchestrate the mealtime routine, turning spoonfuls into a delightful choo-choo train game. The exchange of glances between us felt like a shared secret, heightening the intimacy of the moment. Diaper changes became a delicate ballet of tenderness. Mrs. Simmons' skilled hands moved with efficiency, filling the nursery room with the comforting scent of baby powder. Her affectionate baby talk added an extra layer of warmth, creating a unique bond that lingered even after the task was complete. Naptime, bathed in the soft glow of afternoon sunlight, offered moments of quiet reflection. Mrs. Simmons, with her nurturing demeanor, guided me to my cozy pram where dreams took flight. In this tranquil space, my crush on her transformed into a gentle bloom, infusing my dreams with innocent sweetness. While my toddler heart may have harbored a crush, Mrs. Simmons remained steadfast in her role as a caretaker. The dynamics of our interactions never strayed from the innocent and nurturing boundaries set by the daycare environment. As I wiggled in my pram during walks or babbled incoherently in the playpen, Mrs. Simmons continued to see me as a cherished part of the daycare family—a sentiment reciprocated by the other toddlers and Mrs. Henderson. Lying in my crib, surrounded by the gentle hum of the nursery and the soft glow of the nightlight, I found myself lost in contemplation. Another day's activities at Mrs. Henderson's daycare had come to an end, and the thoughts that danced in my mind took on a more introspective tone. The realization struck me like a gentle wave – in this current infantile state, no woman, especially someone like Mrs. Simmons, would ever look at me with the potential for romantic interest. Instead, I existed in their eyes as a helpless infant, a role I had willingly embraced but one that carried its own set of emotional nuances. Mrs. Simmons, with her stunning presence and maternal grace, had become a focal point in my daily nursery life. The gentle banter, shared glances, and the warmth of her caregiving were all integral parts of our dynamic. However, the boundaries were clear – I was the baby, and she, the caring adult. The crush I harbored was a whimsical fantasy, a projection of emotions onto a canvas that could never reciprocate in the way my heart desired. As I stared up at the mobile hanging above my crib, its colorful shapes gently swaying, I allowed myself to feel the weight of my infantile reality. The truth resonated through the nursery – my regression had transformed me into a dependent being, reliant on the care and guidance of those around me. A twinge of melancholy settled in my chest as I acknowledged the impossibility of romantic connection in my present form. The yearning for affection, though genuine, existed within the confines of a nursery, where cribs replaced beds and diapers took precedence over adult attire. My fingers instinctively wandered down to the front of my fuzzy footed-sleeper, seeking a connection to a part of me that felt distant within the layers of padding. The realization hit me with a poignant clarity—this once-familiar act of self-exploration, a gesture that held notions of self-identity and maturity, was now met with a palpable reminder of my regression. Beneath the plush layers of my nighttime diaper, I felt the unmistakable bulkiness that separated me from the essence of my manhood. The thickness of the diaper served as a tangible boundary, a reminder that any touch in this region was now associated solely with the caretaking rituals of the nursery. A sigh escaped my lips, laden with a sense of resignation. The warmth and security provided by the padded confines of the diaper were undeniable, but they came at the cost of an intimate connection with my own body. The possibility of any woman, Mrs. Simmons included, showing interest in my crotch now carried a distinct context—one of changing diapers and ensuring the well-being of the nursery baby. The irony of my situation struck me, amplifying the dichotomy between the infantile comfort I found in my diapered state and the recognition that the very garment symbolized a relinquishment of certain adult experiences. As my fingers traced the padded contours, I grappled with the realization that the days of intimate connections beyond the realm of caretaking were indefinitely suspended. With a wistful glance at the nursery's dimly lit surroundings, I acknowledged the boundaries drawn by my current state. The allure of romantic gestures, of shared intimacies, had given way to a different narrative—one where the touch of a woman was intricately woven into the fabric of diaper changes and nursery care. Closing my eyes, I let out another sigh, accepting the unique blend of comfort and limitation that defined my nursery existence. The gentle lullabies continued to play, casting a soothing backdrop to my contemplation. In the hushed nursery atmosphere, I settled into the crib, acknowledging that the path I had chosen led to a destination where the nuances of adult connection had been traded for the simplicity of caretaking rituals.

...and I would worship her!

Mom is home finally. Sore, but moving around. We're both exhausted from a long week

Jessie pounded on the sorority house door, fighting back the furious tears that threatened to ruin her makeup. Her feet were sore and her legs ached from walking, but her dignity had been hurt far more. The girls of Delta Lambda had accepted her as a pledge–or, that’s what they’d promised. Jessie had expected a little hazing. Maybe a hand in a bowl of peeled grapes and telling her it was eyeballs, or having her do shots and flash some boys at a party, something harmless and a bit fun in hindsight. The girls hadn’t gone for ‘harmless fun’, they’d gone for a social torpedo. ‘All the pledges have to run through the campus fountain naked,’ they’d said, but while Jessie stripped, the others had stolen her clothes, leaving behind only a diaper and a crop-cut T-shirt that barely came down enough to cover her nipples, though the top half of a teddy bear could still be distinguished above the cut line. Then they’d abandoned her, declaring she could have her clothes when she got back to the house. Jessie had been left with an awful choice–put on the humiliating granny diaper, or attempt to streak the four miles between the fountain and the sorority house. She’d gone with the diaper, but on a Friday night, that still meant being seen by probably the entire student body and then some as she trudged back, holding off tears. And now they weren’t letting her in. “Pledge, you forgot to run through the fountain!” one of the sisters taunted through the window. “You have to go back and do it right!” “Asshole!” Jessie yelled back. “Let me in!” Instead of replying, the girl just raised her phone, snapping a picture of Jessie before she could try and hide her obvious diaper. “I wonder what Jamie will think of this?” She laughed sarcastically as she name-dropped Jessie’s boyfriend. “I bet this’ll finally convince him you’re third base material, huh?” Eyes widening, Jessie shook her head, raising a hand in protest. “Don’t send that!” “Sent!” the girl declared. “If you want your clothes–and your phone–back, go do the fountain run. You know the rules, pledge.” Anger rising, Jessie snapped, “I wish–” “Don’t care,” she replied, cutting her off with an eye roll. And with that she wandered away, leaving Jessie on the stoop, alone, humiliated, and defeated. She could try and walk back to her dorm, but it would be even further than the fountain, and her keys were still in her pants, locked inside the sorority house. Maybe someone would lend her a phone, but she didn’t want to go asking strangers for help–she wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. “Tsk, tsk–this just won’t do at all.” The tiny voice came from right behind Jessie, and she turned in alarm, expecting someone to be standing right on the front walk, but she saw nobody. She did, however, feel a prodding sensation down at the seat of her diaper. “We can do so much better than this!” Jessie yelped and stepped forward, whirling again, and this time she saw her: Not even six inches tall, with iridescent butterfly wings, the pixie wore a simple blouse and long skirt with an apron over the ensemble. Jaw falling open, Jessie searched for words but found none. “Those mean girls just don’t understand,” the pixie said, shaking her head and frowning as she took a toothpick-sized wand from her apron’s pocket. “But don’t worry–I’m here to make sure that no Little Girls will ever have to hide what they are!” (What? ‘Little Girl?’ Is she talking about me?) Jessie wondered, but before she could ask the question aloud, the pixie flicked her want. With a burst of starry sparkles, magic burst into life, splashing against the front of Jessie’s diaper and dousing it with color. The plain white plastic poofed out like popcorn, doubling in thickness in an eyeblink, and the thin blue stripes and medical aesthetic were replaced with pinks and purples, a design dominated by a cutesy rabbit. “I–hey!” Jessie blurted, hands lowering to try and cover the infinitely more embarrassing diaper. She looked around, but her tormentor at the window had left. “What the heck?” “Oh, do you prefer the lions?” the pixie asked, tilting her head and tapping her wand against her lips. “You know, you Adult Babies have it easy these days–it wasn’t too long ago, you’d have to settle for solid colors if you got any designs at all! Now–that top, it’s just no good, is it?” Jessie’s eyes widened as she tried to understand what the pixie meant. (Adult Babies? What is she talking about?) Before any further objections could be raised, she flicked the star wand again, and the cut-off tee shirt spooled out, threading itself into a new form–it laced over her diaper and between her legs, metal buttons snapping snugly over her new, far thicker diaper. Jessie looked down at herself, eyes widening. Her outfit was infinitely worse–at least the crop top could claim to have a little sex appeal, but the bright pink onesie had rainbows and unicorns printed all across it, and over her uniquely puffy bottom, glittery ruffles poofed into existence as the finishing touch. She gaped, turning to try and get a look at the ruffles, spinning in place for a few steps. “Stop it!” she yelped. “I don’t want any of this baby crap!” The pixie rolled her eyes and sighed in a good natured way. “Sweetie, just because those other girls tease you doesn’t mean you should hide who you are–but if you won’t allow yourself to be yourself, I’ll happily give you a little nudge in that direction!” Flitting around Jessie, she tapped her wand right over the woman’s onesie-covered tummy, and the magic kicked in immediately. Jessie felt sudden warmth burst into her diaper as her bladder drained without warning, quickly soaking into the thirsty padding. She lowered her hands to cover her crotch, though the onesie did an admirable job of hiding the accident. The snaps even prevented much in the way of diaper sag, but while it could hide her accidents, it couldn’t prevent them. Even as she bent to try and conceal her humiliating clothes, she felt a gurgling in her belly. When she tried to clench, Jessie found she had no control, and so she couldn’t stop herself from immediately pushing out the contents of her bowels into the diaper. Her attempts to stop the accident only emphasized how helpless she’d become, unable to stem the tide of gross mush that swelled against her skin. She blushed, her cheeks feeling almost as warm as her saturated diaper, humiliation building as the back of her diaper bulged and grew heavy, enough that even her onesie struggled a bit, stretching and succumbing to the telltale sag that indicated a dirty diaper to observant onlookers. “You–you little imp!” Jessie snarled, raging at the fairy. “I don’t hate this just because they’re teasing me! Why can’t you just do what I want you to do? I don’t. Like. Diapers!” “If you don’t, then why did you put one on for everyone to see? Someone’s knee-deep in denial, I think!” The pixie crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot, though since hovered like a hummingbird, the taps just fell on thin air. “A certain Little Girl sure is being fussy. I’d normally think it’s because she needs a change, but she was like this before, so maybe she just needs to relax a bit and get off her feet.” Jessie’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “No, no–” But the spell was already cast, and her knees wobbled like jelly as the pixie stole her balance. Falling back, she plopped down onto the ground, landing on her ruffled diaper seat with a mucky squish that made her blush increase in intensity. “A little rest will do you good, and if you need to get around, you can have fun crawling, Littles always like that,” the fairy cooed. “And I must say–you’re much cuter like th–” “Put me back!” Jessie demanded, mortified, worried that one of the sorority sisters might snap another photo of her like this. Spread-legged on the ground, in a diaper full enough to strain the snaps on her baby doll onesie, she would give anything to make sure nobody got a photo of this. “Before someone sees!” “Oh, fuss, fuss, fuss.” The fairy flicked her wrist casually, and a pacifier appeared between Jessie’s lips, one that was specially sealed so that only a grown up could remove it. She grumbled into it, face screwing up in petulant anger, but the fairy ignored her, scratching her chin in thought. “Okay, she’s clearly upset–but what else could a Little want? I’ve given her all the general fantasies, so…” A few giggles echoed from behind the sorority house door, and the fairy–invisible to everyone but Jessie–snapped her fingers as she understood. Floating down to hover in front of Jessie’s teary, humiliated, and particularly angry face, the fairy said, “I know what it is, sweetie–you’re embarrassed, because you don’t want the other girls to see what a cute baby you are. But, don’t worry, I’m going to fix all of this.” Jessie started to relax, until she added, “Let’s just clear up all those nasty big girl thoughts, okay?” “Nnmmph!” Jessie blabbered into her pacifier, too late to stop a spark of magic from tapping her right between the eyes, and… (Um…) (Why was I cranky?) Jessie blinked a few times, a thin line of drool trickling out from behind her pacifier guard. She looked up at the fairy, eyes slightly hazed. She was a bit cold, but not terribly. Her diaper felt nice and warm and squishy, and her pacifier helped her calm down a bit. Something smelled, but it didn’t bother her terribly much, she just needed… (What do I need?) “Alright, little one,” the fairy said. “I have one more thing to take care of–and remember, magic is real, and wishes for Little Girls do come true!” With a puff of glitter, she darted off into the night, leaving Jessie alone. She still felt her heart pound with anxiety, but couldn’t place why. (I don’t gotta potty, I…the diapers…my diapers make sure I’m safe!) (Um…) (I’m so pretty, pink is such a nice color!) But, if she liked everything about herself–her diaper, her pacifier, her onesie–why did she still feel worried? She sniffled, uncertain why she felt like she might cry, but before her unfamiliar emotions overwhelmed her, she saw something blue. (I like blue!) It wasn’t just any old blue thing though, it was a blue car. A big blue car that could go really fast! Maybe she could sit on Daddy’s lap and he’d let her turn the steering wheel– (Oh! Daddy!) Jamie got out of the driver’s side, eyes widening when he saw her sitting on the ground. “Jessie?” he called, quickly running over to her, crouching by her side. “Shh, baby, it’s okay–Daddy’s here.” She giggled, opening her arms for a hug. More than just hugging her, Jamie scooped her up, lifting Jessie off the ground. He was strong, and she was light enough to always get picked as the flier on the cheer squad, so he hefted her easily, one hand cradling the seat of her diaper. “Smells like someone needs a freshie,” he said, giving her bottom a playful squeeze. “We’ll get that taken care of soon, okay?” Jessie squirmed happily–this was what she’d been missing. Her boyfriend–her daddy, here to take care of her. Carrying her to his car, Jamie paused by the door, removing the pacifier from between Jessie’s lips. “Who’s my lovely little baby girl?” he asked, cooing at her. She could have answered with words, but she knew a better way. Leaning up, she kissed him, and he held her close as he kissed her back. In the distance, a diminutive fairy watched, smiling at the scene, content with how she’d handled it. Though noone was around to hear, she whispered to herself, a quiet affirmation. “Another happy ending.” There were more and more little girls every night, it seemed–and she would give them all what they wanted, just like she had with Jessie. ... Written for bricks66 Comments and feedback always appreciated! Hey y'all, I could use a favor! gofund.me/37aecafd I'm raising money to help a friend and ABDL colleague of mine move after finding out she's going to be out of job and home soon. Let's show her some love, ok? I normally try and promote my own work here, but right now I want to make sure that another author and cool person in the community is taken care of. ❤️

A long time ago I saw a post about using a funnel or something for a feeling of being incontinent. It always made me curious (thanks to whoever that was lol), so I finally went and purchased a hollow tunnel plug. I got the Doc Johnson Premium Small. Having used a small butt before I thought the small would be about what I was used to, boy was I wrong. When I opened it I quickly realized it was much bigger than what I was used to. So after a while of gentle coaxing and deep breathing I was able to get it seated in place without any pain. Now that I knew I could use it I gave myself an oatmeal enema basically, and then stuffed the hole and inserted the plug. I stuffed the hole with butter so that it would slowly melt and I'd never know when the floodgates would open. Shortly after I felt a large release of mush enter my diaper, obviously beyond my control. The oatmeal was a little thicker than it should have been so after that it just slowly oozed out once in a while. Overall it was a great experience that I look forward to trying again every once in a blue moon. The plug was actually pretty comfortable, and I was able to push it out but not without expelling everything left inside of me. I'm still nervous that the plug will get sucked up in me and I'll end up in the hospital, but I know with a well made plug like this one that's not going to happen.

Shame I didn’t read this earlier. Just spent the weekend in Blackpool using my diapers all the time.

Conclusion of Chapter ten: Decided to just put the end of it instead of reposting the whole chapter so no one gets confused this time: When I had the little ones at the table eating blue berry pancakes with whip cream and caramel sauce with some eggs and granola cereal, the little girls were playfully enjoying the different tastes. “I never had food like this before,” Michelle said happily eating. Samantha said nothing about it, but she was eating a little less carefully and with a bit more gusto than she had the morning before. That made me smile. After the girls were fed, dressed, and the house was clean, I decided to take them out to get some school stuff. They would need some soon enough. As we walked out into the chill air, there was a powdered white ground, and the air was crisp. The light breeze whipped ice like fingers at our cheeks and noses. I drew my jacket a little tighter around me towards the car, and I saw Michelle shuffle with her legs trying to stay close together to keep her warm. Samantha shivered and her mouth didn’t even try to hold back the chattering of her teeth. I picked up Michelle, and carried her. “The morning is a bit cold,” I commented to her. She nodded. I felt Sam put a hand in my jacket pocket and I smiled at her. “You’re cold too?” I teased. Samantha nodded and looked down. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” I rubbed her back a moment with one hand before returning it to hold Michelle. I opened the car for them, and they happily climbed in. As we drove around, I could see a little bit of light snow that was almost so tiny and still in the air, it might have been easily missed had some of it not ended up on my window so I had to occasionally use my wipers to wipe the melted little drops from my view. I could hear the girls in the back shiver a little though I had the heater on full and they had a blanket to cover up with and their warm coats on from the shopping done a couple of days ago. “We’ll be at the store soon,” I assured my little ones, but truth be told, the car warmed up before we would make it because I had to head back to the bigger city so I could get the materials a little cheaper. Small towns often gouge you because businesses in them were barely surviving. I did stop and get everyone a hot drink, some hot cocoa for my baby girls. Winters could be harsh at times in the area I lived at, but today, it was a pretty mild day. The white powdery substance on the ground gave the road a gray sheen and the grass to either side of the interstate was frosted as though Christmas was starting to decorate the natural scene. Cars were driving a bit slower, and there were little white pricks against the windshield as they drove down the Interstate. The car was getting toasty warm now, and little girls could freely wiggle their toes again. “I never had this drink before,” Michelle told Samantha. “Nor me, but I’ve seen it before. Around Christmas time, the other kids in some of the homes I was at drank it, but there was never a cup for me.” “What did you drink?” “Water.” “That’s not fair,” Michelle told her with a frown. “No, I told you. This guy who keeps calling himself daddy is a lot different than anyone else I’ve been with. If he is your only ever foster daddy, then you’ll be really lucky.” Michelle nodded. “I’m glad he chose us.” Samantha nodded. “I’m kind of bad though, so it might have been more fair if another kid that wasn’t bad got picked instead of me.” “Samantha,” I didn’t dare take my eyes from the road, but I raised my voice at her. She needed to stop berating herself. “Yes sir?” “You’re not bad, baby. People were unfair to you and they made you believe you were bad. I thought I let you know where those garbage gossiping lies belonged yesterday, honey.” There was a little silence. “Do you not remember me telling you that the file was garbage on you based on your behavior, baby?” “But… that was only one day.” “One day or not, I know by talking to you that you are not half as bad as that file made you sound, and I also know any child that was being starved would sneak into the fridge at night to eat something. That’s natural, sweetheart.” Samantha became quiet for a little bit. “Samantha, you know you aren’t in trouble, don’t you?” I asked when it seemed she got quiet for a bit too long. “I just don’t like you berating yourself, baby. You’ve been brainwashed and treated very harshly for far too long.” “Daddy? What if I gotta… um…?” “There’s a rest stop not too far up here, if you can wait.” “Wha… what if I can’t?” “Just do your best, baby. If you have an accident, it won’t be the end of the world.” She nodded and bit her lower lip as she tried to wait. We got to the rest area, and looking in back at my babies, they both looked dry. I smiled at them and they smiled back at me, but Samantha had her hands jammed in her crotch while Michelle was wiggling around a bit. “Okay, babies, the ground is icy, and this is a parking lot, so we need to be careful. I want you to stay next to me, girls. If one or both of you have an accident, just tell me. No one will be in trouble, but let’s try to get you to the potty, okay?” They both nodded at me. Again, I noticed that Michelle had not told me she had to go, but was actively squirming like the day before, and Samantha, still nervous, did at least try to ask again. I took the babies, both of them, into the mens’ room, and into a special needs toilet. I could take care of them easiest here, and find out if they were wet. “Samantha, you can go ahead and go first,” I told her. “But what if I make Michelle wet her pants?” “How would you do that, sweetheart?” “...Taking too long?” I sighed. “If she can’t wait a moment to pee, then she just waited too long, honey. It’s not your fault, and since we were in a car where she couldn’t do anything about it, it’s not her fault either.” Samantha nodded and waddled to the toilet with both her hands jammed into her groin trying to not let any water out. She bounced a little in front of the toilet, and I sighed. I could see she was shaking as she tried to remove a hand. “Honey, can I help you with your clothes?” I asked her. She nodded. With me getting her pants unzipped for her, and then pulling her pants down as she raised her arms and sat, she just made it, and pee splattered the toilet seat as she was sat on the toilet. I sighed. At least she didn’t get her clothes wet this time. With both of the children happy again, and back in the warm toasty car, we continued our trip to the bigger city to get them some school things. Something felt a little off on how often Samantha was using the bathroom, and even how often Michelle seemed to act like she had to go whenever Samantha mentioned it. I wasn’t sure if it was really something and I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, or if they really were going a bit more often than normal, but I didn’t really know what to do about it either. Even if there was something wrong, I had to wait for the insurance to clear.

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Who else had a long Thursday? Not much here tonight. I had some bigger moments planned, but that would just be pushing the story along too fast. I think this brings the chapter the right conclusion, and more is ahead for them. ________________________________________ Chapter 13, Part 4 (the last part of the chapter) When they got back home, they emptied out the car into the driveway to shake out the sand before putting things away. “Why don’t you go wait in your room while we take care of this. You look a little overheated,” Becky said. He did feel flushed. He wasn’t sunburnt, but he did have a glow, felt more than seen. The sun, the saltwater, the exercise. He felt drowsy. “He had quite a day,” Amanda said, “And so did we.” “I think I’m at least as tired as he is,” Becky replied. “Did Jane say anything about him?” “Not really. Other than thinking he’s the cutest Little boy she’s ever seen, but she’d say that no matter who we brought home.” “I’m glad you have good friends, Mom.” “Do you think Rosie had fun?” “I think she has fun anywhere, but if you’re asking if she had fun with Jamie, yeah. But I don’t think she seems him as her peer.” Setting down the chairs in the basement, Becky groaned, “Ough! I just want to get this salt off me.” She stretched her arms toward the ceiling and yawned. Amanda knew how hard a day it had been for her mom. An emotional gut punch in so many ways. What happened next wasn’t clear to Amanda, so she knew it wasn’t clear to her mom. Like she had said, ‘play it by ear.’ For her own part, Amanda wasn’t troubled by the day; she was comfortable with the uncertainty, but then, she knew most of what they discussed that day. For her mom, it was a mix of the old and hurtful and the new and worse. “Go take a shower. I’ll get Jamie cleaned up.” “Thanks. How about just salad for dinner? I’ll fix it while you’re in the shower.” “Sounds perfect. I feel too drained for anything hot.” They walked up the stairs together, and Becky went up the second floor while Amanda went to Jamie’s room. He was sitting his chair with his eyes half closed trying to read his book and struggling to concentrate and comprehend. Amanda’s nose twitched. “Did you save that just for me? How very thoughtful of you.” Jamie knew what she was reference. As a matter of fact, he thought, I did. “You know the routine.” He pulled himself out of his chair, and Amanda scooped him up and placed him on the changing table in nearly one movement. “Let’s just stirp you now. Arms up.” She pulled off his t-shirt, unbuckled and removed his sandals, and pulled off his shorts. “Did you have a good day, buddy?” She opened up the tub of wipes and placed one on his forehead and used another to wipe the warmth and stickiness from his face. “Ooh, that feels good. It was a great day. Thanks so much.” He paused, holding the wipe, no longer cool, over his eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” “Aww. Buddy,” she said as she leaned in, “I’d fall to pieces without you.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Let’s get that yucky diaper off you and then how about a cool bath.” Jamie was too tired to help much, so Amanda did the heavy lifting. These times were becoming the time when they had important conversations. He already felt vulnerable but safe. “How come you didn’t tell me Rosie was regressed?” “What do you mean by regressed?” “I mean … you know what I mean. She has the mind of a toddler.” “Rose came here only slightly regressed.” “You mean she chose to be regressed further?” “No. She just … became that way, over time. I think she reached this point maybe after five years.” “But, how?” All clean, she carried him naked to the bathroom and filled the tub; he settled into the lukewarm water. “I think you misunderstand. She’s developmentally no different than when she came here. She just behaves like that.” That made less sense. Jamie wasn’t sure if his next question should be why or how. “But, how?” “She chose to, or chooses to. I’m not sure which.” “So she’s faking it?” “No. She … what makes you think she’s acting like a toddler?” Jamie’s face showed how obvious the answer was. “Uh, the way she talks; that she spent most of the morning making a pile of sand; the way she seems … I don’t know … not fully aware of what’s going on around her.” “Exactly. Other stuff, too, if you’re around her often enough. I think she just …” This was hard to put into words. “Got over it?” “Got over what?” “Over … not being the way she is now. Her life got simpler, he needs and wants got simpler. She doesn’t have any inhibitions; she’s honest to a fault. She has fun building a pile of sand … Tell you the truth, I wish my toys were that cheap,” she quipped. “I guess she found out she was happier this way and slowly became that way.” “You make it sound like she devolved.” “Why do you think that’s devolved?” “Because she went backward. I mean, she lost her … you know what I mean.” “If she is the way she is because it makes her happy, that’s not backward. That’s forward. And I think it’s more of an evolution. Like she became wise enough to let go of everything except the stuff that makes her happy.” That was a new way for Jamie to think about it. Amanda washed him all over. As much as he liked the sea, by the end of the day he always felt like between the sand, the sweat and the salt he had a layer of grime to peel off. “And I think she can turn it on and off.” “How does that work?” “Well, she’s as smart as she ever was. Nothing has changed physically in her brain. Every once in a while, you see her making a face like she’s … her old self. I think she found a way to be happy and likes it, and she can snap back to being her old self whenever she wants to. She doesn’t want to.” Amanda paused and looked up to her left for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe she does, just only when she and Jane are alone.” Jamie looked surprised and fascinated. “How does someone do that? Just … stop being an adult – mentally? Just, turn off the thoughts, lose the inhibitions?” Amanda was done washing Jamie. “I don’t know. If I did, I’d probably do it sometimes, too.” “You would?” “How many dozen ways to people try to let go, take the edge off? And how many of those are dangerous? And none of them completely work. Her way … it works. She’s been peaced out for seven years.” They both sat there and pondered it, both looking a little wistful. “Can you please turn the cold water back on?” She leaned over and did, and Jamie stuck his head under it and ran his hands through his hair a few times. “You ready to get out?” He exhaled. “Yes.” Amanda leaned over and pulled the plug, then took the towel from the bar and opened it up wide. Jamie stood, and in one motion she wrapped him up and lifted him to the sink. “Can I comb your hair for you?” “Hmmh.” She always did. She carried him back to his room in the towel and set him back down on the changing table. “Any preference on PJs tonight?” Jamie still felt flush from the sun. “Um,” he blushed, “Maybe just some shorts?” He’d had gone with less, but he didn’t like sporting just a diaper, or at least was embarrassed to admit he was fine that way. When he was dressed, she put him on his feet. “Mom’s in the kitchen. Why don’t you go hang out with her while I take my own shower?” “Okay.” She headed upstairs, and he went to the kitchen. “Hi, Becky.” She was chopping vegetables. “Hey, baby. Looking handsome tonight.” He pulled himself into a chair; he was getting stronger thanks to Cheryl’s gifts. “Thanks again for today. I had a really good time.” “Good! I’m glad to hear you say that. Where did you learn to swim like that?” “Day camp.” Every summer, he’d get put in day camp at the city park. The morning would spent on some activity, and then the afternoons were spent at the pool. Most of the kids played on the slides and lazy river. Jamie liked the lap pool. It wasn’t so crowded, and he could play with other kids in it except during adult swim periods. He figured out, though, that if he swam laps, too, then the lifeguards wouldn’t make him get out unless an adult wanted the lane. And he wanted to stay in the water all the time. When he couldn’t stay in, he watched the adults swimming and tried to do what they did. Four hours a day, five days a week, 12 weeks a year from when he was old enough to not be in daycare until he was 16. And then whoever he was staying with at the time would come pick him up. “I don’t think I could swim like that.” Jamie figured she could. That’s how water works. The longer the swimmer, or the longer the boat, the faster it goes. Maybe there was something else about Bigs’ anatomy, like they were too dense, not as buoyant as humans. “Have you ever tried?” “Well, I guess I haven’t.” They heard the shower turn on upstairs. “Maybe you should try. Or you’ll never know what you can do.” Becky chuckled at this Little who knew so much about life. She looked in the fridge. “We have pureed fruit, pureed vegetables, pureed chicken, and pureed … nope, that all we got.” So the same thing as the past however many meals, Jamie thought. He was looking forward to being able to eat solids again. “I’m not very hungry tonight.” “Oh no? You feeling okay?” “Yeah.” She bent down in front of him and place her palm on his forehead. “I think you got a little too much sun today.” “Feels like it. I have a headache too.” “Did you get enough to drink today?” “I think so. Just very bright. I’m not used to not wearing sunglasses outside.” “Then we’ll have to get you some. But you gotta eat something tonight. I can get out the blender and make anything you want.” Nothing makes food taste better than being pulverized into mush. He didn’t look like he wanted to even choose, and Becky noticed. “I have an idea. How about some of that formula. I can put some ice in it. I know you love that stuff.” Jamie perked up. He did love that stuff; how it could taste so good and keep him so contented, he didn’t know. He missed it, though he thought she was feeding it to him at night, and somehow he wasn’t waking up. “That sounds really good, actually.” “Comin’ right up.” Becky went to the cabinet and looked at the cups and containers. She wanted to bottle feed him. She loved that time with him; it felt so right. Sharing a meal brings people together, but feeding your Little was a whole other level of intimacy. She envied the people who breastfed their Littles, but she also remembered how unpleasant that was. She also remembered everything she and Amanda had talked about, about letting him lead the way and seeing what he liked and what he didn’t and helping him to find his own way. She sighed, picked a bottle and a sippy cup out of the cabinet and turned to Jamie. “Which one do you want?” Jamie surprised himself by not being sure. His pride said sippy cup (or it did, given the choices), but like he had that day after swimming, leaning back against Becky while she held a bottle to her lips felt good. It just did. It was comfortable, and it made him feel close to her, and he knew she liked it. And he felt he owed her for the day, so they both got what they wanted. Jamie blushed and pointed to the bottle. Becky tried to hide a smile. “It’s getting a bit late, and Amanda’s gonna be in the shower a while.” “She’s kinda a water hog.” Becky laughed and then laughed harder. Jamie hadn’t meant it as a joke; it just came out because it was true. Becky’s belly laugh made Jamie laugh until they both had tears running down their cheeks. “He swims, and he’s funny!” Jamie blushed. “I was gonna say how about I feed you instead of us waiting for her?” Jamie noticed the sun was going down. It was late, later than he normally stayed up, but then he’d slept longer than he did most afternoons. “Works for me.” “How about in the living room? I’ll be there in a minute.” Jamie climbed down and went into the living room. Climbing up on to the couch was harder. Unlike the chair, it gave way when he grabbed handful of cushion. He’d work on that, but for now he chose the floor and laid himself back on it. The carpet fibers actually felt good against his bare back. Becky came in with the bottle and two cloths this time, both wet. He got up when she came in, and she sat down on the couch. She pulled him up and into her lap, then pivoted so she was reclining against the arm and he was reclining against her. “Put your head back, baby.” He did, and she put one of the folded wet cloths on his forehead. “Feel better?” It did. She took the other one and laid it flat against his chest. He writhed a bit, the coolness of it electrifying his skin, but soothing it too. He closed his eyes. Becky picked up the bottle and held it to his lips. He latched on and drank very slowly. Becky ran her free hand through his still-wet hair. It felt so soft to her. He was getting a little shaggy, she realized; he needs a haircut soon. She took the cloth from his forehead and turned it over the cool side, pressing it over his eyes, behind his ears, his cheeks, his neck, the tops of his shoulders, and then his belly. She saw his heartbeat slow; she could always see it in his tummy when he laid back, a steady, healthy beat. His head slumped a bit, and his breathing slowed. He drank still, but slow, too. She brought her hand back to his hair and played with it. Amanda appeared in the living room. Becky held a finger to her lips. Amanda looked dismayed. “Mom,” she whispered, “We talked about this today.” Becky looked up at her briefly and then back to sleeping Little boy in her lap, her hands still playing with his so-soft hair. “I asked; this is what he wanted tonight.” “Oh! Sorry.” Amanda smiled down at the tableau. She looked happy, and he looked peaceful. She knelt next to the couch, first kissing her mom on the check and then stroking his soft face with the back of her fingers. “I love it when he’s like this.” Amanda sighed and stood back up. Becky took the empty bottle from Jamie’s lips. “I can go put him down while you finish getting dinner ready,” Amanda offered. “Or you can put him down and I’ll get it on the table.” Still playing with hair gently massaging his scalp, Becky shook her head softly. “Not yet. Why don’t you get started without me? I want to stay like this a while.” Amanda understood that perfectly, and she was glad to give the two of them this moment alone. Jamie and Becky hadn’t actually been in each other’s arms much. It made Amanda happy to see them this way. She went to the kitchen to eat alone.

Literally wanted to take this chapter one way, then took it a different way, then rewrote the ending what it is now, which is where I wanted to go in the first place. Amazing, how so few words can entirely change not just the events but the tenor and meaning and direction of the nearly 56,000 that came before them. __________________________________________ Chapter 13, Part 2 Jamie knew this would happen eventually; he just hadn’t thought much about what to say, nor was he sure what about a regressed Little made him so uncomfortable. Perhaps it was the notion that a regressed and unregressed Little were essentially on the same playing field in terms of how they were viewed by Bigs, or could be viewed that way if a Big decided to. Already Jamie had seen how Bigs treated Littles they thought were regressed and they had continued to treat him nearly as poorly after he informed them otherwise. And it wasn’t even poor treatment in the context of a regressed Little; then it was normal treatment. It was only poor if, like Jamie, the Little was entirely himself. What Jamie felt, and what he didn’t like, as a sense of superiority over regressed Littles, not that they were in some way inferior, but only that if he wasn’t in some way superior, then the Bigs who had treated him poorly had done nothing wrong. He didn’t want to feel superior to anyone; it wasn’t in his nature to have such an ego. He had always mad humility a policy, a way of working with all manner of people who practiced all manners of living, to be able to help them without judging. But Jamie didn’t judge Rosie, though neither could he see her an equal, so he thought, without diminishing his own status. Jamie responded by assuming the same mannerisms he found so unappealing when directed at him. “Hi, Rosie,” he said in explosive enthusiasm, “I’m so glad to meet you. I would love to play with you. Can you show me how?” All three Bigs ‘awwed’ in unison. So Jamie found himself seated in the sand listening to Rose instruct him on how to make a pile of wet sand. It was, if nothing else, familiar. He’d worked with young children, many of whom wanted to show him something, and he did it with feigned enthusiasm and asked questions he knew the answer to and generally humored them because it made them feel good about themselves and like they had a friend, which they did, though a different sort of friend than perhaps the imagined. He remembered also that when playing with a young child, the game is whatever they want to play. So they made a bigger and bigger pile, and the tools that would have made it something else were left to the side; she was happy having a pile for a castle. Inevitably, Jamie found himself bored and longed to get in the water. He wasn’t sure how to excuse himself, though. As an adult, he could always just decide the game was over and graciously extricate himself. As a Little, could he do that without disappointing the three Bigs, or would that be considered unkind? Luckily for the moment, but perhaps not later, the issue resolved itself. “The sun is moving, kiddo. Let’s get some sunscreen on you.” Becky motioned for him to sit in front on her chair and she applied the lotion to his entire body save what was covered by his bathing suit. Jamie felt he could have made a day of just being massaged with suntan lotion, even though the stuff was so heavy he imagined it was SPF 100. Becky stuck a ballcap on his head to protect it as well. “Do you want to play in the water?” That was better than the massage. “Yes, please.” “Alright; let’s get you ready.” Oh yeah, Jaime mumbled. Becky got off her chair and motioned for Jamie to lie down in her place. Looking to the sky was too much, and Jamie lifted the hat and placed it over his eyes to block the sun. “Are you feeling shy,” Becky asked when she saw. “Amanda, do you mind sitting on the other side of Jamie so he’s a little less exposed?” Amanda moved over while Becky rustled around in the pool bag. “Ready,” Becky asked, though it wasn’t a full-fledged question. It was just the outline of a question, because Becky didn’t wait for an answer before pulling his swimsuit off his ankles, leaving him in a diaper for hundreds of people to see. His diaper was removed without anyone taking note of it still being dry, and a swim diapered was threaded up his legs followed by his trunks. The swim diaper was so much tighter, but also thinner, though Jamie knew that wouldn’t last. He pulled the hat from his face and looked around. There was no crowd watching to see the show. He thought he could see someone getting a similar treatment down the beach. Becky held out her hands to help Jamie sit up. He started walking toward the water. As though he were about to walk into traffic, Jane reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. “Not yet, buddy. You have to go with one of us.” Fair enough, he thought, though he was not amused. I bet I can swim better than any of them, Jaime thought. “And we need these.” Jaime turned back around to see Becky holding an inflatable ring and water wings. He wasn’t sure if he was more disappointed, more angry at them, or more angry at himself for not seeing this coming. He wanted to throw a genuine tantrum; the first time he had looked forward to doing anything, and it was being taken away from him. That’s not swimming, he thought. That’s not even floating; that’s bobbing. He drew on his patience and managed to keep control of himself, and he remembered what Becky and Amanda had both said: trust them and behave yourself. “C’mere so we can get these on you.” Becky sounded so chipper. It was difficult to be mad at someone who was so chipper all the time and clearly meant well. The fact that it was difficult only added to Jamie’s frustration. If he considered it, it wasn’t even Becky per se; it was being over-mothered. He had envisioned someone who mothered him by taking an emotional toll off of him, not someone who mothered him by placing so many, and such strict restrictions on him. From the diapers to the crib to her habit of feeding him unless he specifically asked her stop, the irritation was adding an emotional toll where none had been before. Of all the ways Jamie didn’t feel himself here, some good and some bad, the bad one that concerned him was how often he felt angry. It was a different kind of angry than the kind that drove him here, one emotion among many that drove him here. Being angry on behalf of others felt righteous but draining. This just felt draining. The things he used to be able to do – be patient, reason with people – were ineffective here for the most part. For all the progress she had made, and she had made good progress, this undid a lot of it. No one had asked him if he could swim, though Becky knew he loved water; she had asked, and he had told her so. At worst, Jamie thought she was doing this because, as she had before, she thought it was cute; at best, it was because of her need to feel she was keeping him safe rather than his need to actually be safe. The word ‘trust’ had been thrown at Jamie a lot – from Cheryl, Becky, and Amanda – and what needed was some reciprocation. His arm hanging in a water wing, each breath from Becky just pissed him off more. Fortunately, at least, her giant lungs made it a quick task. He looked at Rosie; Jane was getting her ready in the same way. She looked delighted. That pissed him off as well. The five of them walked toward the water – actually, three walked and two waddled while holding plastic rings around their waists – and stepped into the surf. Jamie tried to concentrate only on what he was feeling. The sand at the surf gives way with each footfall, and the water tamps the san back down until there’s no evidence you were ever there. But once past his ankles, the pressure of the water, just the few inches of it, was greater than his, and the sand was hard; it didn’t give way with each step; it hardly acknowledged Jamie was there. The water wasn’t cool; it was warm from a summer’s worth of sunny days. The foam obscured the sand through the water, and when they got deep enough it cleared so he could see the bottom, just a foot deep now, and he could see the sand was not all white. Some was black, and the waves formed patterns with it, the black grains being lighter than the white or the other way around, reflecting the curl and drift of the surf above. No shells of any notable size, and what small ones to be seen were mostly broken. Schools of fry; no fish or crab. And the smell, that smell of the medium for the creation of life, that remnant smell of the primordial which produced the first living thing, that smell you taste, that green smell of water full of life. A smell you can feel, because the salt sticks to the skin and stays in the hair, that smell you take home with you. That bloody smell when it fills your mouth. That burning smell when it finds you eyes. If you ever find yourself far from home, go anywhere to the sea, and some deep-buried part of you, a part that’s been there since before we were human, will recognize that place as your true home, the place you came from before we were. Jamie tried to take all that in, but his mind couldn’t hold the thought. Instead he felt the seams of the inflatable scraping against his skin and rubbing his armpits raw, and he heard Rosie squealing in a way that’s only barely cute in very young children, and without looking, he saw eyes on him, expecting something. They waded out until the Bigs were just past waist deep, leaving the Littles with their feet dangling a few inches above the bottom. Rosie dog paddled in circles. Jamie bobbed. Even if he had taken for granted that this was what he needed to wear, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Grabbed suddenly and before he could realize it, Jamie was out of the water and quickly back in it with a thud that forced the ring up into his armpits. The Bigs were laughing, and Rosie was squealing, “Do me! Do me!” Jane picked her up and threw her, and she landed laughing. Becky picked her up and threw her back. Jamie was airborne again, thrown by Amanda back to Becky, who immediately threw him back. Startled as he was the first time, the sensation of breaking the water, feeling the cool air suddenly embrace him before his toes broke back through the surface – Jamie couldn’t remember the last time someone has tossed him in the water this way. He thought to himself it was kind of fun, and soon he was laughing, too. And when all three Bigs had tossed him several times, and they were too tired to hoist him so forcefully one more time, Jamie actually felt disappointed. The fun didn’t last all that long; it never does. The stubborn part of Jamie didn’t want to admit he’d enjoyed himself anyway, just in a different way. “Who’s ready for lunch,” Becky asked, a little out of breath. Taking Jamie’s hand, she towed him back to where he could stand, and the five of them walked out of the sea. Once out of the water, Jamie learned even with a swim diaper he felt waterlogged. He recalled the rash he would get from being in a wet bath suit, combined with sand, and wondered how someone could possibly avoid that with one of these things on. There were chairs for Jane, Becky, and Amanda. Littles, Jamie assumed, are expected to sit on the ground. But Amanda sat down next to him anyway and opened a package of pureed fruit, handing it to Jamie along with a spoon. “Did you have fun?” “Yeah. I … Yeah.” “What?” “It’s nothing.” She nudged him with her foot. “C’mon, what?” Jamie didn’t know what to say. At what point does a request cross the line between just a request to do something differently and rejecting what Bigs saw as being in his own interest? The thing he had been told to stop doing so often, in other words. Probably not one request, but Jamie didn’t want to stop at one if he got a no. Come to think of it, there wasn’t much he had asked that, having begun doing differently, Becky or anyone else had acquiesced to do the way Jamie preferred. On this point, Jamie was feeling like he deserved to insist, and maybe even blatantly disobey. No one had told him what the consequences of that might be, but even so. “I want to go swimming.” “Right after lunch we can go again.” “No, I mean, I can actually swim. I want to swim.” “So, go ask her.” Her eyes pointed to Becky. “And if she says no?” “Then you and I will take a walk and do it anyway. But only if you ask her” As a foster kid, Jamie had always been afraid to ask for anything. He didn’t want seem ungrateful or greedy. He rarely asked for anything. “Will you come with me?” “Nope. Gotta do this on your own. But tell her I’ll go with you.” Sighing, Jamie nervously walked over to Becky, who stopped talking with Jane. She saw he looked tentative. “What is it, pumpkin?” “Um … Can I go swimming?” “Sure! We can all go when we’re done with our lunches.” Jamie’s impulse was to feign a smile and say thank you, but he forced himself. “Um, that sounds fun too, but I mean, I want to actually swim, without the water wings. I know how … I’m actually really good at it. Promise?” That sounded more pitiful than he meant it to; he didn’t mean that last part to be a question, or even to say it. Some part 15 years deep in his brain remembered it helped sometimes. Becky’s impulse was to kindly say no. How did she know if he could really swim? He was so small. Some other day, in a pool, maybe he could try. “Amanda will go with me.” Becky looked behind Jamie to see Amanda looking at her with a neutral expression. Amanda looked back hoping Becky would do the right thing without her having to explain it first. Trust me, trust Jamie, is exactly what she didn’t want to have to say; she wanted Becky to figure it out on her own. “Okay. But stay close together.” Becky said it looking into his eyes and then much more deeply into Amanda’s. Amanda smacked her hands together to remove some crumbs and took a long pull on her water bottle. She walked up to Jamie. “C’mon.” She held out her hand, and the two of them walked back to the surf. Jamie was almost waist deep, deep enough to float, when Amanda stopped. Hard as she tried not to be, she was nervous. He said he could swim, but so did people who could barely keep their heads above the water. Still, Amanda told herself, you’re here and a lot bigger than he is; it he really can’t swim, he won’t get far and it will be easy to pluck him out of the water. Becky and Jane watched from their chairs. Becky had both hands on the arms of her chair, ready to jump and run. Amanda let go of Jamie’s hand. In for a penny, in for a pound, Jamie thought. “Um, Amanda? Could you do me a favor?” “Depends on what it is.” Jamie figured it was better to ask forgiveness than permission. Putting his thumbs on the waistbands of his bathing suit and swim diaper, he said, “Hold these,” and in one motion pushed them off, dove forward, and threw himself under. He didn’t hear Amanda laughing or Becky shouting 'stay together!' over the waves, and if he had, he would not have turned back. Pushing off the sand, Jamie came up between the waves and threw his shoulders forward in a butterfly, dropping his head down to crash through the breaker, kicked his feet in the shallow-deep motion of the stroke, let the movement roll from his toes up, his body undulating like a cord snapped by the hand until the momentum and his muscles lifted his shoulders back out of the water and threw his arms forward again. The very motion felt wonderful. Jamie hadn’t done anything strenuous in he didn’t know how long. He didn’t realize how stiff and tight his back and shoulders were until he forcefully opened them with each stroke, taking at first three then two then one stroke for each breath as he became winded, when he went deep and dolphin-kicked so fast and low to the sand he pulled some of it along in his underwater wake. The salt burning his eyes, the exertion grabbing at his lungs, the diffuse light through the water, the complete silence. This felt like home. Anywhere there is saltwater, he thought, is home. Back above, Becky walked to the water and up to Amanda as casually as she could, but she wanted to run, and she wanted to start lecturing. She held it back though. “That’s not staying close, Amanda.” “Look ...” Amanda nodded toward Jamie, his feet breaking the surface and powerfully rolling from hip to knee to ankles in a curving thrust that would propel him back upward again. We couldn’t catch him if we wanted to.” They couldn’t. They were big, and they were strong. Jamie was small, and he was fast. Jamie was the rabbit turned fish. He could swim better and faster and longer than either of them.

I lied. This is hardly the entire chapter, but given where I've stopped, there's no reason not to post it. Enjoy! ____________________________________ Chapter 13, Part 1 “What are we doing today,” Jamie asked after his breakfast or pureed fruit. It felt good to be back on something other than liquid, though he really liked the formula. Still, he missed chewing, and that was still several weeks away. “I don’t know yet,” Becky replied. “Did you have anything in mind?” “Not really.” “You’re bored, huh?” “Well, pretty much been the house since I got here, other than a couple errands.” “Well, why don’t I call Jane and see if she and Rosie want to do something with us. You can go play meanwhile.” Jamie toddled off to find Amanda, who was in the shower, apparently. Not that he’d have minded just sitting in there while she did that. Jamie didn’t think of her that way, he just enjoyed being by her side, and he didn’t have much else to do. So he went to his room and got his bear, then sat down in his chair with one of the books he got. He was surprised by it. It had, at best, young adult themes, but it was written well enough to be absorbing. “Oh, Jamie,” he heard Becky coming up the stairs. “We’re gonna go to the beach and meet Jane and Rosie. I’m going to pull our things together, and I’ll be back in a bit to get you dressed, okay?” “Okay.” Of all the places to go, the beach would have been Jamie’s last pick. Staying home sounded better. But having asked to do something different, he knew he couldn’t back out now. He liked the beach, loved it even. But here? A beach, the most public of public places. He tried to turn back to his reading, but he kept picturing himself waddling out of the water with half the ocean in his pants. “Hey! I heard you’re going to the beach.” Amanda smelled like flowers he hadn’t smelled before. “Yeah,” he feigned some enthusiasm.” “Can I come?” “Of course!” “Mom’s getting a bunch of stuff ready. How about I get you dressed?” Amanda started rooting through the closet. “Ok … what am I gonna wear to the beach?” “Well, I figured this would be a good chance to break out the sailor suit. I mean, we were gonna save it for a religious holidays and christening ships, but now that think on it, that’s just dumb. If you can’t wear a sailor suit to the beach, you might as well just have the hat and not the suit, right?” Jamie knew when he was being put on. It actually made him feel good. Kids don’t get sarcasm; it’s mean to be sarcastic with kids. That Amanda would joke this way with him just showed she respected him. “Unless you’d like to wear something else …?” “Um, how about a bathing suit and a t-shirt?” “That’s what I like about you, Jamie. You’re stylish yet understated. Let’s get you changed.” She lifted him on the changing table, and he held up his arms by instinct. She unzipped his sleeper, and as she put in the hamper he reclined on the pad. The few minutes of time without a diaper he got each day were pleasant for him. Just feeling air where he rarely felt it was nice, and that the time coincided with baths, which he also loved, and with Amanda paying such gentle attention to him was extra special. Wanting a toilet to use above anything else, he been timing his voiding for when Amanda would be around next. It didn’t always work, but two out of every three changes were done by her. It was that Becky wasn’t just as good at it. It was just that, between the two of them, he preferred in pretty much all things, and if he couldn’t choose where to empty himself, he could choose when and thus who changed him. “Um … Amanda, I, uh … I can’t swim in this, can I?” “Not unless you want to carry around about 4 liters of sea water with you. We have some swim diapers for you.” “Oh.” Was that a good thing or a bad thing? She had him in swim trunks and a t-shirt in another minute and put sandals on his feet. He already had a tan from spending so much time out in the backyard. In fact, having been chained to a desk, he hadn’t been this tan in years. “Let’s go wait in the living room for mom.” She helped him down, and the two of them went to the living room. ‘We’ turned out to be Jamie, whom Amanda lifted into the playpen while she went to go get herself ready. Jaime didn’t mind. He’d left his coloring book in there. Jamie sort of liked the play pen. If he sat against the side away from the center of the room, he could still see out through the mesh, but he was a little more hidden. Becky came crashing up the stairs with chairs; then she went back down and came crashing up with a mesh bag full of beach toys; then she went down and came crashing back up with an umbrella. This is quite the production, Jamie thought. Becky had worked up a sweat. She decided to go get herself ready next, as Amanda came down wearing a T-shirt dress and carrying a backpack. “What happened to you?” “I was getting stuff from the basement.” “I’d have helped, Mom.” “It’s alright. How ‘bout you go make us a lunch while I change?” So Amanda went and filled a cooler with water and food for them, and that went to the car, too. It wasn’t a large car. This seemed a bit much to Jamie; they were just taking a day trip to a beach, and he thought they lived near it. He told himself to remember to ask for a map. At last, Becky came back downstairs in a new outfit carrying an overstuffed pool bag in her arm, which she set down, went back down the hall, and came back with Jamie’s diaper bag. “Are we ready?” Jamie didn’t know who she was asking. “Yeah, Mom. So long as we don’t forget Jamie,” Amanda said as she came back into the living room and lifted him from the playpen. I could live with that, Jamie wanted to say. Even from his low vantage point, Jamie could see the back of the car was filled with stuff. He had a lot of beach experience and knew you didn’t need all this. Not unless you were taking kids. Oh, he thought. This presented a dilemma. Jamie didn’t feel compelled to use eight buckets and five shovels and a sifter and a net. But so much work went into bringing it, he felt he had to. As Amanda buckled him in, he asked, “Will you sit in the back with me.” “Sure, buddy!” She went around to the other side and climbed in. Becky had them headed toward the beach. “So, what did you want to talk about?” “Rose.” “Ah. You want to know what she’s like?” “Yeah.” “I used to babysit her.” “Why don’t you anymore?” “School, and because Jane’s neighbor’s daughter is old enough to now, and she’s cheaper than I am.” “So, what is she like then?” “She’s about your age.” That was confusing. “Which … of my … ages?” Did that even make sense? “Your Little age. I think she’s older than you where you’re from.” “How long has she been here?” “I want to say twelve years.” “So she decided to stay then.” “Yep. She’s always been a happy little Little.” “Does Jane have any kids?” “No, she says she never wanted any. After a while, she decided she wanted a Little though.” “But …. How is that different?” “It …” That was a good question. Having a Little was arguably more work than a kid. Kids grow up and need less care. Only a handful of Littles grow up. Some grow up a bit and then stop, and most stay the way they arrived, or even go backward. “I guess I’m not sure.” “But it is different, though, right? I mean …” He had trouble wrapping his head around it, too. Amanda tried again. “I think, maybe … maybe Jane liked the idea of always having someone who depended on her, and being able to take care of her forever.” “But, doesn’t your mom do that for you?” Such a sweet guy, Amanda thought. “Ya know, you’re right. She does. But I think every parent is torn. A part of them wants to see their child grow up and get to know the person they become, and a part of them wants their child to stay young, even so young that they need their moms and dads for everything.” That made sense to Jamie. “That makes sense. So how far is the beach anyway?” “It’s on the other side of that hill.” She pointed to the ridge on their left. “Maybe when we get home, you could show me a map of where we live.” They pulled into a sandy parking lot filled with cars like Becky’s. From his seat, Jamie could see other people unloading as much junk as they had. Jamie had no idea what time it was, but he was feeling tired and figured it must be near his morning nap time. “Chill here; we’ll get some stuff out first.” Jamie kicked his legs for no reason, his feet dangling low so they didn’t hit the seat. The hatch of the car opened, and it sounded like all but a few things fell out. Becky got the entire car seat out with Jamie still in it and secured into the stroller. She looked at Jamie and at the pile. “Can you walk?” “Of course I can.” Does she think I’m gonna forget how? Jamie found himself next to the stroller, and as much as they could fit ended up in it, under it, or hanging from it. From stroller to luggage. Still, they’d need to make more than one trip. Jaime appraised himself. This was the most normal outfit he’d worn since he got there, even if the shirt had a whale on it. The swimsuit did nothing to disguise what he had underneath, but catching glimpses of other Littles between the cars as they walked past, he counted himself lucky he wasn’t wearing a speedo, or nothing but a diaper. He remembered people taking their babies around like that in public back home, and he always wondered what possessed a parent to do that. It was hardly dignified for the child, and it wasn’t exactly polite to the people around them either: here, it said, this my child and the thing they void their bowels into; we thought you’d enjoy it more if there wasn’t even a layer of cotton to obscure the view. “And we’re off.” Amanda held Jamie’s hand as they crossed the parking lot, looking both ways. They headed toward the boardwalk. Jamie looked at the sand: white and fine. There was sand like that at home, but he’d never seen it in person. A dozen trash cans, some overflowing, were near the entrance to the boardwalk; that part he did remember from home. They boardwalk was long. Thankfully Amanda and Becky slowed down so he didn’t have to speed-walk to keep up. When they finally came in sight of the sea, Jamie stopped walking and took in the scene. He smiled; a tear fell from his eye, the good kind. “Honey, is everything okay,” Becky asked. “Yeah. It looks like home.” The two of them waited for his cue before they walked on. At the foot of the boardwalk ramp were two dozen other strollers. It was still early in the day; Jamie could at least tell that from the sun, and it wasn’t as warm yet as it would be. He wondered if things would get busier or if this was it. Jamie was handed his diaper bag and the sack of beach toys, and Becky and Amanda shouldered the chairs and umbrella and beach bag. They turned left from the boardwalk. Their feet slipped a little each time they pushed off the balls of their feet, the rubber soles of their sandals squeaking with each step. It was a little hard on the calves, just like Jamie remembered. The salt in the air; the smell of sea life; those were familiar, too. After a few hundred meters, they saw Jane wave to them. She trotted over and took the toy bag. “More toys! Exactly what we need,” she chuckled. “Good morning, Jaime. Are you excited for your first time at the beach here?” “Good morning, Jane. I am. I missed it more than I thought.” “Rosie can’t wait to meet you.” They reach the spot Jane had picked out, just above where the surf stopped; he could feel the tide had only stopped washing over the area an hour or two ago. The sand wasn’t dry; it was spongy and cool, not hard like the packed sand the waves still lapped over. Rosie didn’t pay them much attention. She was seated with her legs under her, working on something in the sand in front of her. She had an array of buckets and tools to work with. “Rosie,” Jane said as she knelt down and touched her on the shoulder, “I want you to meet Jamie.” Jane’s voice was odd, he thought. Rosie turned around, and Jamie saw what she’d been working on – a wet mound of sand. He looked her up and down. One-piece bathing suit with polka dots and ruffles on her butt, clearly padded underneath. She had black hair and olive skin. He couldn’t tell how old she really was; it was impossible to know because of the cosmetic work the doctors did, the same ones that make him lose his facial and body hair and look and feel so much younger. When she turned all the way around, he saw she was blushing, and when she spoke, she rushed the words out: “Hi, Jamie. I’m Rosie. Wanna help me build a castle?” Jamie hadn’t considered it, and no one had told him. She’s regressed, he realized.

I didn't doubt it. Those folks live in the world, too. If we forget, they remind us. Hope you like this next installment. __________________________________________________ And chapter 12. There's something I'm trying to work toward, and I'm not sure if this chapter did it or not. I started out with a scene in mind that I quickly changed to this scenario, which I think is better and, within the story, more consistent and authentic with the world I've created. In other news, Daylight Savings Time should be all the time. Anyone who disagrees should go eat worms. __________________________________________________ Chapter 12 After a night’s rest and a thorough bath, Jamie was ready to write to Cheryl. My Forever Friend, Cheryl, I’m called Jamie now. Amanda picked it out, I think. You were right about her. No one has ever been so nice to me, except you. She calls me her buddy. She makes it bearable here so far. Becky and I got off to a rougher start. At first, it was like she was so blinded by her idea of a Little that she didn’t how I was different. She’s never been less than kind, but sometimes inconsiderate. But Amanda talked to her. I don’t know what she said, but Becky apologized. She promised if I trusted her and gave her another chance to show me she loved me, I’d come to love her and even heal, she said. I don’t know what that means, ‘heal.’ If it means to forget, I’d rather stay broken. Do you think that’s what I am? I don’t want to be a pity case. There are some thing I hadn’t anticipated, and if I had, I don’t know that I’d have come. They’re hard sometimes, but not everything about them is bad. They threw an arrival party for me yesterday. I like Amanda’s uncle Danny and aunt Laurie, and Becky’s best friend, Jane. Jane has a Little named Rose. Becky’s mom seems like a piece of work. I sorta made fun of her, but honestly, I don’t feel guilty about it, and everyone else thought it was funny. Except Becky, but she didn’t seem mad either. I’m going to get to me Rose eventually. I haven’t gotten to meet any other Littles yet. I saw some in a store. Most of them seemed regressed. I think I’ll feel better when I get to talk to some Littles and hear their perspective on things. They have to have some tips and tricks to make things easier. Other than that trip to the store, I haven’t gone out yet. I had several surgeries, and between that and the time difference, I’m tired a lot. The surgeries don’t hurt very much anymore, but I guess I’m still mending. About that trip to the store. Some random lady just came right up and pinched me cheek, and then when I got mad she did it again! Like she didn’t even hear me! I’m nervous about meeting other Bigs, not because I’m worried they’ll be mean to me but because they’ll treat me like she did, like I’m not a full person. I try to tell myself it will be okay as long as Becky and Amanda are around, but I know at some point, when summer ends, they won’t be around all the time. I’m trying to prepare myself for it, but sometimes it’s easier not to think about it. Every day is pretty much the same; that’s comforting, in a way. I think it will get boring eventually, but so far it’s better, I think. Most of my day is spent with Amanda. It’s a bit embarrassing, but when I do get bored, I follow her around. She never gets tired of me, though. She usually picks me up and keeps doing what she was doing, or else she stops and we talk or she helps me find something fun to do. It seems I never go long but I’m with her or she comes to me, I like that. She makes me feel ... I’m not sure. I just want to be with her most of the time. I have two people who love me. I don’t know if I’d can say with sincerity I have that depth of feeling for them, even for Amanda. It would be absurd to, right? I’ve known them little more than a week. Thank you so much for the presents you gave me. They were each so thoughtful. The bear is ... I’ve never had anything that was important to me. He sleeps with me. Sometimes I carry him around the house. I know it’s silly; it’s just a teddy bear. But because it’s from you ... I don’t understand how a teddy bear could make me feel so much better when it’s just a bear. But it does. I’ve only heard its voice once. It hurt so bad, hearing your voice and not seeing you, and not knowing when I’ll see you again, I don’t think I can hear it again. But knowing your voice is inside there makes me feel that I’ve not lost you. I haven’t, have I? There are times when I’m afraid I’m pretending, or maybe don’t even know I’m pretending. Do I feel such affection for Amanda because I have her with me and not you? Is the bear just a substitute? Your words are always a great comfort to me. Not hearing them every day leaves a void. I can’t tell if Amanda is filling that void in my heart, or if my heart grows each day to make a space for her. I can’t say I’m unhappy, but neither am I happy. I don’t know what this feeling is. There are moments, many of them, when I smile and laugh and have fun and suppose am I happy. But it feels like those moments end, and then there’s just the uncertainty. What am I doing here? Did I trade for a better world, or did I just trade for a new world to be sad in? I can’t foresee where this all ends. Amanda can’t tell me that, or Becky. They know where they want it to end, and they believe it will; they seem so sure of it. I want to be sure of it, too, and I try to will myself to have their confidence, but I can’t, or when I can it only keeps away the doubt so long. I never doubted your word. When you were sure, I was sure. Can you tell me, where does this road go? I thought I was scared when I left you. I thought that was the hard part, and it was so hard, harder than anything I’ve done, and I’ve done what’s hard. I had to do what was hard, and then I chose to do what was hard. Then I chose to walk away from all that, as far as I thought I could walk. The road didn’t end, Cheryl. Maybe I deluded myself into thinking it would, or else chose not to think on it because I didn’t want to know. As there’s a path still to tread, I guess I have to keep walking. It feels more like a limp. Cheryl, do you know where this road goes? Do you know the way? Your Forever Friend, Jamie PS, Becky sings a song to me every night. Its last verse make me think of you. Though sad fate our lives may sever Parting will not last forever, There's a hope that leaves me never, All through the night _­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________________ “Where are we going?” Jamie had asked once already and had not gotten a straight answer. Were they trying to surprise him with something? He doubted it. “You'll see,” Becky answered. Amanda kept silent. Jamie gave up and watched the houses go by out the window. Everything reminded him of pictures of ancient Rome, not because things were ornate but because they were so massive. Not being told put him in a suspicious mood bordering on irritated. They pulled into the parking lot of a long, rectangular, brick building. Jamie was allowed to walk into the building, but he had to hold Becky’s hand. He wanted to ask Amanda what was going in; surely she’d level with him, but he never got the chance. Once in the building, he saw the sign board listing names and initials behind them. This is a medical building. Why not tell him he was going to the doctor if nothing was wrong? But he felt fine. Were they going to do something to him? They rode the elevator to the third floor and went into a waiting room filled with Little and their Bigs. Amanda took Jamie to find a chair while Becky registered them. Littles were sitting next to their Bigs, some were in strollers or carriers, some were playing on the floor with toys. Some looked sick, and some, like Jamie, looked fine. Their Little ages ran from new born to child. He could easily tell some of them were regressed by their faces and body language. Their eyes looked bright enough, but their hands and arms jerked when they tried to move them; nothing was smooth. Or else they had control of their gross motor skills, but no their fine; one held a sippy cup with both hands, while another smashed two toy cars together. He looked happy, but he also looked like he wasn’t capable of any game much more complex than that. Only one other Little, besides Jamie, looked completely with it. “Jamie,” a nurse called out as she opened the door. She held the door and then showed the three of them to an examination room. “The nurse will be in shortly.” Jamie heard loud crying from the room next door; he was out of patience. “Why are we here?” “It’s just a check-up.” “And?” “And that’s it.” “Why didn’t you just tell me that?” “Well, I know the doctor can be scary.” Yeah, Jamie though, when you’re five, and not knowing can be scary too. It would make sense if he was regressed, but he wasn’t. There was a knock on the door and it opened before they could answer. Guess doctors do that here, too, Jamie mused. Becky stood up to greet the young woman who came in. “Hi,” she said, “I’m Dawn. I’m one of Dr. Perkins’ nurses.” Becky answered back for the three of them. “Hi Dawn. I’m Rebecca, this is Amanda, and of course, this is Jamie.” Though he was seated on the exam table, Dawn still had to bend down slightly to look him in the eye. “Hello, Jamie. I’m Nurse Dawn. It’s a big day for you, isn’t it? Are you ready for your first physical?” She said it as though speaking to an actual infant, her voice pitched higher than when she spoke to Becky. “Actually, I’ve had, like, 50 of these.” “Ohho, well today you get your first real one.” Was that a shot at me or human medicine, he wondered. “I’m not regressed.” “I know. It says so right here in your chart. Arms up.” Her tone didn’t change. Jamie looked at Becky, who was smiling weakly. “It’s okay, honey, she's just going to undress you.” “I can do it.” Rather than reply, Dawn lifted his arms for him and pulled off his shirt, pushed him back gently, and then removed his shoes, socks, and pants. Jamie looked pleadingly at Becky and Amanda. He wasn’t sure why; maybe because she was being so patronizing, and because this was the first time someone other than the two of them saw him in just a diaper. The nurse lifted his wrist and took his pulse. Jamie preferred to not look at her. With a tug on one and then other hip, Jamie heard his diaper being opened and felt the cool air. It made him need to pee. “Oh my, goodness,” Dawn squeaked, “someone is all dry.” Jamie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, which one of us,” he asked in his driest voice. Amanda had to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter. Even Becky chuckled. Dawn didn’t get it. “We need to get a quick urine sample.” Finally, Jamie thought, I can show them I can control my bladder. He started to sit up, and Dawn pushed him back down. “It’s a lot easier to go standing up,” he said. She shushed him. “It’s alright, honey. I know this doesn’t feel very good.” "What doesn't? What are you doing?" She didn't answer. She took his penis in her hand and began wiping the end of it with a something wet. He cringed. Before he could over it, he suddenly felt something wet and just above freezing being rubbed in circles over this bladder, and he felt an irresistible urge to pee, which he did. He heard it hitting the plastic of a specimen. Jamie wasn’t sure if he had purposefully let his urine go or not. The need was so urgent, he couldn’t tell if he instantly relaxed or lost control. He was embarrassed and angry. “What did you just do?” “Sorry, kiddo, I know that was cold.” “That …” Before he could finish, Dawn flipped him over. “Did you bring a stool sample?” Jamie blanched. “Right here.” Becky reached into her purse and pulled out a plastic bag with an opaque specimen cup inside. Jamie put his head back down. Screw this, he thought, resigning himself to being a passive participant. Or at least he did until he felt a very large hand spreading his butt cheeks apart. “HEY!” Jamie struggled to get up, but Dawn pushed him back down. Amanda interjected. “Could you be a little gentler, please?” To everyone’s astonishment, Dawn answered with, “Aww, aren’t you just the cutest Big sister. Don’t worry, baby, it won’t hurt.” Amanda scowled and shot back, “I’m not regressed either, lady.” Dawn had already turned back to the task at hand. Becky intervened. “This way is much more accurate for Littles, trust me.” She stepped forward and put a hand on Jamie’s back, gently, but he knew she’d hold him down if she needed to. Jamie tried coming to his own defense. “Can we talk about this! I mean, what’s so bad about being off a tenth of degree. That’s not ...” He was cut off mid-sentence by a greasy finger entering his backside. “Ow! Take that out! Do you even fucking hear me?” “Shh,” was Becky’s response, which she meant well, but it did nothing to make Jamie feel better. The finger was withdrawn and something much thinner was inserted. Jamie would have tried to get up, but holding perfectly still seemed the wise option. He laid with his cheek pressed to the table, thinking, fuck this and all y’all. After fifteen seconds, the thermometer was removed. Dawn folded the diaper back over Jamie’s butt and announced, “The doctor will be in just a minute.” “I’m sorry, baby, I know that wasn’t nice, but it was necessary,” Becky said as she stroked his back. Jamie huffed in response. “Amanda,” he asked. “Yeah, buddy?” She stepped up to the exam table, and Jamie subtly titled his eyes. She caught the signal and bent down so he could whisper in her ear. Amanda nodded and opened the diaper bag, took out wipe, then folded back the diaper again and cleaned the lubricant from between his cheeks. “Thank you.” There was another knock, and again another woman came in without waiting for a response. “Hi! I’m Dr. Perkins. You must be Rebecca.” “Becky, please.” “So, his first physical.” Jamie was getting a headache. “May I?” It wasn’t a question as she stepped forward and placed what Jamie could tell was a cold stethoscope on his back. “I don’t even have to be here for this,” Jamie said. “Shh. Be very quiet for me, babe.” Jamie’s inevitable sigh coincided with her request he take a deep breath. “Can you be a big boy and roll over for me?” Becky said something this time. “Yes, because he’s not regressed.” “Oh! I’m sorry. Sometimes we just forget!” But the apology was to Becky, not Jamie. He turned himself over, and she put the stethoscope back on his chest, then his belly. She probed around his abdomen. “Any complaints?” “Just an upset tummy last week. It cleared up in a day.” She folded the diaper down and checked Jamie’s privates. To her credit, she was gentle. Finally, the doctor spoke to Jamie. “I’m go to press in a few places, and I want you to tell me if it hurts.” He nodded, and she pushed gently around his stomach, pubic mound, hips and joints. “There,” Jamie winced. “Here?” “Uh huh.” “Okay, sorry.” She turned her attention back to Becky. “Well, that’s normal for the surgery he had. He’s healing at the right rate. He’s moving around alright?” “Yes. He gets tired easily, though.” “That’s to be expected. I don’t see anything different from what the doctors at the hospital noted. He looks healthy and well developed.” “Then can I get up?” She ignored him. “How’s he tolerating his diet.” “Hey! Can you please address me, dammit!” James sat himself up and did his best to look deserving of respect, albeit nude. The doctor turned and look at him with a blank expression for a few second before turning back to Becky. “There are things we do to manage his behavioral outbursts, such as medication.” Becky cut her off. “No, thank you.” Now Perkins look at Becky blankly and turned to Amanda, who looked livid. “Alright. I’ll have Dawn come back in and give him his vaccination, and then you’re free to go.” She left. Becky sighed. “Sorry, Jamie. Let’s get you redressed.” Becky was getting his shoe on by the time Dawn came in. “Alright. So this will only take a sec.” Dawn laid out a syringe, alcohol wipe, and band-aid on the exam table next to Jamie. “What’s the shot for?” Dawn ignored him. “Becky?” “It’s just a vaccination. You got some in the hospital but will need some boosters.” He nodded. Amanda stepped forward and took his hand. “Squeeze if it hurts, buddy.” Dawn rolled up his sleeve and rubbed his arm vigorously with the alcohol wipe. “Are you gonna be brave for me?” She pinched his arm to make the needle slide in easier. It looked no different than any other needle he’d been stuck with. “What’s the big deal? I’ve gotten shots …” Dawn inserted the need and depressed the plunger. Jamie’s lips quivered. Agony. Pure agony, like he’d been stabbed by a rhinoceros horn! He burst into tears and proceeded to wail while crushing Amanda’s fingers. Dawn put a bandaid over the spot. Jamie’s arm felt limp. “He’s all set to go.” “Oh, baby boy, I know it hurts.” Both Becky and Amanda tried to comfort him, and it was only a moment before he got himself under control, though he still lost a few more tears. “What the hell was that? What did she do to me?” Becky rubbed his back. “It was just a shot honey. They hurt.” “Not like that! We have shots where I’m from, too! Did she maim me? Is it bleeding?” Amanda couldn’t help but chuckle at his dramatics. Littles and shots – she didn’t understand how they could overreact so much. “Can we go home?” “I think that’s a good idea.” _­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________________ Once inside, Becky told Jamie, “Go wait for me in your room. I’ll be there in a minute.” Amanda stayed behind. “We have to get a new doctor, Mom. She and her nurse were just awful.” “Agreed. We need to take Jamie out somewhere he can meet Bigs soon. He’s left the house twice so far, and both times were terrible for him. He’s gonna think we’re monsters. But I need to have a little talk with him first. He can’t behave like that and expect to get away with it.” “I know. The books say it’s important to confront Littles as soon after misbehavior as you can.” “Yeah, so I’m gonna go talk to him and then put him down for his nap.” She filled a bottle of water and went to Jamie’s room, where she found him sitting his chair looking tired and rubbing his arm as though he’d been an industrial accident. “Jamie, we need to have a little talk.” She sat down in the rocking chair. “Come over here, please.” Jaime didn’t like where this was going, but her face said it wasn’t a question. He got up and walked to her, and once he was close enough, she leaned out and picked him up, putting in in her lap so they were facing each other. His heart skipped half a beat; the action reminded him of large, fast hands from his childhood. And the moment reminded him just how much at the mercy of her good intentions he was. He figured to head off trouble by apologizing, though what for he wasn’t sure. “Becky, I …” “I’m going to talk first. I don’t like how that doctor and nurse talked to us or treated you. They had no excuse. We’re going to find a new one for you. Okay?” “Thank you.” “But I also don’t like the way you talked to them. When someone is rude to you, you can’t just be rude back. That doesn’t fix things. And your language is not alright. When you get angry or afraid, you need to use appropriate words.” “I know I used some swear words, but overall, I don’t think I said or did anything that was out of line.” “Where you come from, when someone made you angry, is that how you talked to them?” “Well ... no.” “Why not?” “Because it’s just not how I talk to people.” “Why not?” “It would just be wrong; you’re supposed to control those impulses.” “Exactly.” But people didn’t treat me like …” “Like a Little?” His ears burned. “Yeah.” “I like you so much the way you are, Jamie. I like the way you came to us, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. You’re smart and funny and confident. Those are all good things, and it’s important to me you stay that way. Understand?” He nodded. “You are a Little, and that’s such a good thing. Some things are different here, and they’re all for your good, even if you don’t understand why. For instance, Littles get their temperature taken in their bottom. That nurse should have explained things to you as she went along instead of ignoring you. She was wrong about the way she did it, but she did what she needed to do for you.” Jamie wasn’t liking this conversation. Why do Littles get treated differently? That seemed like a whole different conversation, and Jamie didn’t want to solve it just then. He wanted to end the lecture. Still … “But … I’m not stupid. I’ve taken care of myself for a long time.” “Of course you’re not stupid. You’re very, very smart. Remember when we talked about trust? That’s what this is. Rights and responsibilities go hand in hand; you gave up a lot of responsibilities, and that was for the best. But that means some things can’t be up to you. That’s why you have to trust us and let us make some decisions for you, even when you don’t understand why. It takes a lot of courage to trust that much.” That made a certain sense. Someone with no responsibilities but who thinks they can still make decisions when it’s convenient for them is called a brat. Still, there’s a line between trust and credulity. “That … what if I really disagree? Like, I don’t think they do have my interests in mind?” “You ask me or Amanda, or someone you do trust, and then you do what we decide.” “What if the only person is around is someone I don’t know enough to trust?” “Like who?” “I don’t know … a babysitter?” “I wouldn’t put a babysitter in charge of you that I didn’t trust. But, if you ever feel unsafe, you do what you think is best, and we’ll talk about it together later. Okay?” “Okay.” So basically, Jamie thought, my right to do what I want has a limit. He thought back again to the adoption agreement. You have the rights of a minor, which effectively meant he had given up rights, a lot of them. And he wouldn’t ever talk to anyone the way he did to the doctor and nurse, not as an adult. He knew better – it was rude and it made whatever the problem was worse; everyone just dug in their heels more. The tables turned. Jamie used to tell kids in new situations something very much like what Becky told him. These people know best, or I wouldn’t put you with them; you need to do what they say, but if you ever feel unsafe or if they hurt you, tell me or another adult. I just got told to behave myself, in other words, he thought. And overall, he didn’t disagree, at least in theory. Giving up the power to make certain decisions, which he had agreed to do, was something he had to do in order to have the freedom of having less responsibility. I can’t have my cake and eat it too. And he knew trying otherwise wouldn’t help him in the long-run; he’d just be another version of his old self, or worse. “I know it will be hard for you sometimes, especially at first. Sometimes you might not succeed, and we’ll work on it together. Does that make sense?” He could foresee that. No one never misbehaves. What then? One thing at a time, though, he thought. “It makes sense. “It’s your nap time. When you wake up, we can talk again if you have more questions.” She hugged him tightly, undressed him, and kissed him before raising the crib rail and turning off the light. _­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________________ When Jamie woke up some time later. His arm still hurt. He found the bottle of water Becky had left in his crib and started drinking. He never seemed to wait long between waking up from a nap and someone coming to get him. He did his business in anticipation of being clean again very soon. Sure enough, he only had to wait a few minutes. It was Amanda, the person he wanted to see. She shut the door behind her. “Hey, buddy!” She said it in excited voice, a little higher than normal, but it wasn’t like when others did it. She was excited to see him, Jamie knew, and it wasn’t patronizing. He smiled back at her but stayed where he was. She lowered the crib rail and knelt down so she was at his left, and then ran her hand over his back. He was beginning to recognize her hands by the way they felt different from Becky’s, softer, more delicate. In some ways, this was the best part of his day. It was Amanda’s, too. She always took the opportunity when she could to get him up from his naps; it was quality time together. “How about we go straight into some PJs for the rest of the day?” That was fine by Jamie; he was growing to like those sleepers. She picked a pair from his dresser. He wondered how many there were. He’d only worn a couple of them more than once. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” This was also getting so routine that it was losing the power to bother Jamie. So long as he was able to time it right, he didn’t have to endure it long. That it didn’t bother her, or Becky, made him feel at least as though he didn’t have to feel ashamed. “How does your arm feel?” “It still hurts.” “You were very brave.” Jamie blushed. “No I wasn’t.” “Why do you say that?” “Because I cried like an infant.” “Ya know, every day I see people who walk around with some hurt inside them. Are they brave because they don’t cry?” “Well … no.” “So what makes them brave?” “I guess, that they keep going.” “That’s right. Anything else?” Jamie thought about it. “I can’t think of anything.” “How about that when they need to, they ask for help? I think that’s very brave.” “I think so too.” I guess that’s what I did, Jamie thought. “And there’s nothing wrong with a Little letting it out when something hurts a lot. That’s just another way of asking for help.” That made Jamie feel better. It took away some shame. He was clean again. “Manda?” She smiled at him funny. “What did you call me?” He blushed; he hadn’t meant to. “Um … Manda. Sorry.” She ruffled his hair. “Don’t be. I like it.” Jamie smiled. Now he had given her a name, too, even if he didn’t mean to. A name only he knew. “How bad … was I?” He wanted her opinion. It meant the most to him. Zipping up his footies, she picked him up and carried him to the rocking chair. “Can you hear me?” “Of course I can.” “And you’re listening really well?” “Yes … promise.” Was he about to get another lecture? “You weren’t ‘bad,’ Jamie. I don’t think you could be bad if you wanted to. You just made a little mistake. And when that doctor started talking about medicating you, I wanted to make a much bigger mistake than you did. Did you notice what Mom did?” “She just shut down the conversation.” “Right. That was the right way to handle it. The rest of it, they only did what they were supposed to, but it was how they did it. They were very mean to you. Has anyone been mean to you before?” “Of course. Lots.” “When you were a kid, how did you handle it?” “I’d get angry … which didn’t usually work.” “Exactly. You learned better ways to handle it. Ya know what I think happened? I think, without you realizing it, not having a say made you feel you weren’t responsible for what happened next, so you said what felt good even though you really know it wouldn’t help.” Jamie realized Amanda had him totally figured out. He wondered what else she knew. “But you were responsible for some of what could have happened next, weren’t you?” “Yes.” “That can be really hard to remember when we feel powerless, that we only feel that way. What we say and do can make things better or worse.” Jamie certainly knew that was true. There wasn’t much that couldn’t be made worse. “You’re right.” “And I know you know I’m right, because you’re a very smart person. Sometimes we all forget things and make mistakes. That’s another Big sister responsibility, help you avoid those and helping you learn from the ones that get made even though we both try.” Jamie just wrapped her arms around her. He shuddered a bit, to know he was safe with her. She kissed his head and stoked his hair. “Feel better.” “Much. Thank you.” “I’ve got something else for you, too.” She reached around to her back pocket and withdrew an envelope. Jamie’s breath grew a little faster. Excited and nervous. She handed him the letter and he looked at it for a long moment. “Tell you what. How ‘bout you just hang out in here for a while?” She set him on his feet, and he finally looked away from the envelope. “Okay.” Amanda decided to empty the diaper pail, so she took that with he. Before she reached the door, Jamie asked, Manda? What are you doing later?” “After lunch, I thought I’d go lay in the sun for a bit.” “Can I come with you?” “Of course.” When Amanda walked by his room twenty minutes later, Jamie was under his crib, re-reading his letter. _­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________________ Dearest Jamie, What a joy to see your name on the envelope! My thoughts turn to you by the hour. The hours are long sometimes. It is a great relief to know you are well. You are not broken, Jamie. Never. You have me and always will. Forever and ever. Whatever else you doubt in the world, never doubt that. No distance or time or force can sever what we have. We are part of each other, now and always. I’m so happy you and Amanda are growing so close. She’s a sweeter person than she knows. I saw her in it like I saw it in you. She is young yet, though not so much younger than you. None of us knows all of what we are until time in its fullness reveals ourselves, but each day we come to know more. We shape and are shaped by the people around us. You are helping her to know herself for the miracle she is as much as she is helping you. Becky is right. Trust her, and you won’t regret it. I placed the two of you in each other’s arms. Trust that, and you will trust her. My sweet boy, I don’t know where the road goes. I don’t know the way. But I know you’re on the right road. I’d have held you back otherwise. It was hard enough not to. You are a pilgrim now. Pilgrims have far to walk; they know where they mean to go, but they don’t always know what they’ll encounter along the way, or what paths they’ll follow when the road diverges, but a pilgrim is never lost. Wherever he goes, he is still a pilgrim, and whether he ever arrives where he set out to, a pilgrim always arrives where he is meant to. A pilgrim’s walk is easy some days. There’s dew on the grass in the morning. The sun warms you. The breeze pushes you along. Other days, the walking is hard. The mud pulls at you feet. The rain pounds at you. The wind pushes you back. Good days and bad, it hurts to walk far. But the way provides for pilgrims who keep walking anyway. I’ve never met someone so able to endure as you. You will walk so far you'll discover wonderful things only you'll know of, and then you'll share it with us the way you've shared yourself and made our lives so much richer. And when you think you can walk no farther, when it hurts too much to take another step, Becky and Amanda will carry you. Others will, too. They’ll carry you because it lightens their hearts to shoulder your weight. We carry those we love. And when you’re ready, they’ll know it, even if you do not, and they’ll set you back on your feet. How far you will go. I walk beside you always. Your Forever Friend, Cheryl

You get two updates in one day, courtesy of the server issue. While I think my narrative is good across both the heavier and lighter parts of the story, I think my language is better in the heavier parts. What do you all think? _____________________________________________________________ Chapter 10 Jamie found himself back in his crib after lunch. The naps were necessary, just as Cheryl had said they’d be. Jamie couldn’t figure out how many hours were in the day, partly because he slept through so many of them. It was light out when he went to bed and light out when he woke up. It was starting to bother him. He knew the order in which the parts of his day happened, but he didn’t know when, and he couldn’t yet guess. It was one more thing that made him feel out of control. He didn’t know how long he’d slept. He woke up with his bear under his arm. The bed felt good, like those great mornings when you wake up and all you want to do is sink deeper into the mattress, not because you’re not well rested but just because it feels better than anything else will that day. He pressed himself into his crib and let himself dose. It didn’t bother him that no one came to get him. He wanted to be alone; he wanted to not think. He certainly did not want to see Becky. He dosed until his stomach woke him. Fortunately not in pain like yesterday, but he needed to go. Sighing, he questioned whether it was best to go now and get changed as soon as someone came to get him, or put it off. The first they’ll do is check my diaper, he concluded. He did his business and tried to ignore it. All diapers get changed eventually, he reassured himself. Certainly this didn’t help his I-don’t-need-diapers argument. They’d never believe it was intentional, and he wasn’t sure it would change their minds if he did. He didn’t have to wait long. Jamie was laying prone in the crib facing the door when it creaked open slowly, and Amanda furtively slipped in, glancing behind her. She closed the door very gently, easing it back into the frame. Why would she do that, he wondered. She saw he was watching her. “Hey, kiddo,” she whispered. “Ready to get up?” “Why are we whispering,” he whispered back. “‘Cause I figured you didn’t want to deal with mom right now, and she heard she’d probably come right in.” It felt good to know that someone was thinking about his feelings after all. He weakly smiled. “Thank you.” “Don’t mention it.” She lowered the crib rail, pulled back the blanket, and gave Jamie’s diaper a pat. “Let’s take care of that.” Jamie didn’t know which was worse, her checking him or him telling her. She made quick work of the change, and Jamie relaxed from head to toe to have it off him. “So,” she said in a hushed tone, but no longer a whisper, “how about we put your room together?” Everything they had bought was in bags near the door. They quietly put toys away and books on shelves, and Jamie avoided touching the things that went under changing table. He let her handle those, what little resistance he could offer. Moving the rocking chair toward a corner and the toy chest over, Amanda put the activity table flush to the wall. The tub of blocks went next to the shelf. Finally, she put the recliner in the corner between the crib and the wall. It was more than enough space considering his room was the size of a small studio apartment. “Let’s take a look at that stuff.” Amanda indicated what was under the crib. “I’m surprised mom didn’t notice this.” She pulled the items out to the center of the room. “So what do we have here?” “Um, gifts from a friend.” “That was very kind of her. What does each one do?” Jamie was a bit surprised at that. Surely they had the same things here. “Um, that’s a pull up bar to exercise my back muscles, and those rubber bands can do lots of different things, and that board strengthens my hands.” “Interesting gifts,” she mused. She looked at them and then the room and then Jamie. “Ah. Got it now. I’m not sure how mom will feel about these.” Jamie frowned. “So let’s not tell her, or let her find them.” “We can keep the bar in the bottom of your toy chest,” she said as hid it. “And she will definitely have a fit if she finds these bands. She’ll be convinced you’ll choke yourself with them.” She didn’t think they’d stay well hidden in the chest. “Let’s try this and see if it works for a while.” She opened the foot rest of the recliner, put the bands under the chair, and closed it. Finally, there was just the board. “This has to hang on a wall, right?” “Yes.” “Hmm.” She looked it over. It had grooves in different shapes and sized and irregular patterns, some color coded. “Let’s put it in the chest for now, and I’ll hang it for you later.” “What about when Becky sees?” “Tell her it’s a puzzle. Or art or something.” “She’ll believe that?” “Definitely. She’ll just be delighted to see you playing with a simple toy.” She handed to Jamie, and he put it in the chest. When he turned around she was seated on the floor cross-legged. “Let’s play with something,” she said. “Uh, like what?” “Like … any of the toys in this room. Here …” she pulled the tub of blocks back from the wall, popped the buckles, and pulled the shrink wrap off. “C’mon, it’s fun. You start.” She pulled a rectangular block about a foot long by four inches across and two inches high, and held it out to him. He took it. “Uh, where does it go?” “Wherever you want.” He sat down on the floor next to her and put the block on the carpet with the long edge up. “Here.” She handed him another. He put in across from the other one. She as soon as he placed it, she had another. And then another. “Want to talk about what happened in the store?” He grimaced and kept placing his blocks. “Some woman came out of nowhere and got in my face practically yelling and then pinched me.” “You’re kidding?” She handed him a triangle. “No! She just did it.” He used the triangle as a corner. “I hope mom read her the riot act.” “No. She said I just arrived and started making small talk.” “What?” She handed him another triangle. “Yeah. And then that woman pinched my cheek.” He made another corner. “And mom didn’t say anything?” A cylinder. “No, but I did. I said ‘what do you think you’re doing?’” “And?” Another cylinder. “She did it again!” “And mom just stood there?” He started picking out his own blocks from the tub. “Yeah, so I said, ‘you should fucking ask permission,’ and then the lady laughed and mom apologized and said I was cranky. Then when the woman walked away, Rebecca told me not use bad language or talk to Bigs that way.” He was working on the second story. Amanda was surprised, to say the least. That didn’t seem like her mom, but then her mom had been acting differently since the adoption became official. “You don’t care much for mom yet, huh?” Jamie didn’t look up from his building. “It’s not … I … I don’t want to hurt her feelings. It’s just that … it’s like she sees through me. Or thinks I don’t have opinions.” “Uh huh …” Amanda replied, coaxing him on. “Like with that lady. Rebecca only said something about my behavior. Didn’t say anything about that stranger.” It was getting tall, and he was concentrating to keep the pieces aligned and stable. “And how did that make you feel?” “Like she ignored me when I told that lady not to touch me. Or she heard me and didn’t care, or didn’t think what I wanted mattered.” “And that’s when I got back,” she recalled. ‘A little tantrum,’ her mom called it. More like defending himself. “Is it okay with you if I talk to her about it?” “I guess,” he sighed. Talking to her didn’t seem to make a lot of difference with Rebecca. “So what did you make?” “Uh, a structure, I think.” He looked at. “It doesn’t looked very good.” “So? Did you like making it?” “Yeah.” “Then it doesn’t matter what it looks like.” This was another way Amanda was different from her mother. Her mother would have protested, insisted it looked marvelous, taken a picture, put on a big show. It didn’t look marvelous; it looked like a haphazard pile of blocks. And Amanda didn’t insist otherwise. It was okay that it didn’t look good; the point was he enjoyed himself, and that was the lesson Amanda wanted to teach. “I almost forgot,” she lied. “We need to put your pictures in the frames we got.” It was only three pictures and three frames. “Do you want to do the honors?” Without answering, Jamie walked under his crib and picked up the envelope he had put the pictures back into while Amanda unwrapped the frames. She took the back off the first one and handed it to him. Carefully so as not leave fingerprints on the photo, he dropped it onto the glass. “Here,” Amanda said, handing him the next frame and closing the back on the first. They did it one more time. “That’s your friend?” Holding the last picture in its new frame, he nodded without looking up. It was a picture of her laughing. They’d gone for a walk one evening after work, in the weeks between leaving his job and leaving the dimension. He didn’t remember what she was laughing at. It wasn’t like him to take pictures of people. Why did he even have his phone out? But he had taken it and texted it to her, and she must have liked the way she looked in it, because she had it printed and put in the box with his bear, the bear she gave her voice to. “Do you want to talk about her?” He shook his head. “Not right now.” “Okay.” It was obvious to her it wasn’t just missing a friend. Amanda was a young woman. She had had boyfriends. She knew, you don’t send a picture like that to just any friend. “If you ever want to, just tell me.” He nodded, and looked up. “Here,” she said, holding out her hand. Jamie put the frame in her palm, and she stood up. “How about these two on your table … and this one on the top of your shelf. You’ll be able to see her from your crib.” He nodded again vigorously. He wasn’t sure if it was his longing for Cheryl or the gentler heartache of knowing that Amanda cared for him and showed it. He hadn’t had much of that in his life, not ever enough. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Thank you.” Amanda hurt a little too, for him. She wanted to pick him up and hug him, whisper it would be alright and kiss him on the cheek. Did he need that, she wondered. Did he want that? She knew he needed to feel loved and safe, but he also needed to feel some normalcy, to not have every day have some moment of drama, and she worried if she treated every hurt feeling like a catastrophe, he would as well, like a child that falls down and looks at her mom before deciding whether to cry. She wasn’t sure she was making the right choice in the moment. It was only his third day. Maybe that was exactly what he needed now, to be smothered in affection and tenderness. But maybe not. “I think it’s time to go see what mom is up to. I’m surprised she hasn’t come to see what we were up to. She’s gotta figure you’re awake by now. Do you want to come?” “Actually,” Jamie said as he went back under his crib and got the stationary box, “I want to write a letter.” “Okay. When you’re ready I’ll make sure it’s sent. Holler if you need anything, you thirsty?” “Yes, actually.” “I’ll bring you some water in a bit.” _­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________________ “Mom,” Amanda said when she found her mom in the kitchen. “Hi, sweetie. How’s Jamie doing?” “Actually, he’s kind of upset.” “Oh,” Becky said as she looked up from her task. Her forehead creased in concern. “What’s wrong?” “He’s upset about this morning, that woman at the store.” “Oh, I didn’t think he was so sensitive,” Becky smiled. Amanda felt relieve for a moment before her mom added, “He probably thinks I’m mad at him. I told him I wasn’t. I’ll go talk to him.” She started to get up and Amanda stepped forward. “That’s not it.” “Then what is i?” Amanda rubbed her temple. How could she say this without hurting her mom or throwing Jamie under the bus or both? “Let’s sit.” Becky sat back down, and Amanda took the chair next to hers, leaning in. “Have you noticed that … uh … that Jamie wants me a lot?” “I have. I’m so glad you two are getting so close to each other so quickly.” “I am, too. I really am. He’s such a sweet boy, and he needs a lot of love.” Becky nodded along, smiling proudly at her empathetic and caring daughter. “Do you think, maybe, he …” Amanda very nearly said ‘prefers’ next, but thought better of it. Starting over, Amanda deliberately paced out her words. “I really want him to feel very close to both of us.” She let the statement hang there, to see if her mom would pick up on the subtext. Keeping her smile but sounding defensive, Becky asked, “What do you mean?” “I guess … I don’t think you’re acting like yourself.” “Of course I am.” “Mom,” Amanda said more plainly as she sat back, “would you have ever let a stranger touch me without permission?” “Well …” She paused. “No.” “So why did you let her?” “I guess, I was proud someone thought he was so cute, and I didn’t think he’d mind.” “Mom,” Amanda said, managing not to role her eyes but unable to keep the frustration for her voice. “He’s not a newborn or an infant. And he’s not regressed. And even if he were, it still wouldn’t be okay. He’s not something to show off. He is fully aware of everything that’s happening, and he’s terrified.” “I know he’s scared…” “It’s more than scared. And I know you know he’s at least scared because you said so before we left.” Becky looked uncomfortable. Amanda waited a few beats until it was clear she wasn’t going to reply. “But then in the moment you didn’t do anything.” The more Amanda talked, the more indignant she felt, but she didn’t want to be angry. That wouldn’t help. She wanted to make this right, and also what she said she wanted: for him to feel close to both of them. “You didn’t protect him or think about what he wanted or what he felt.” Rebecca wasn’t accustomed to being rebuked by her daughter, or by anyone. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say. “And when we were looking at the books, and you said you didn’t need it because you had already raised a child, remember? He’s not a child. He’s an unregressed Little. He can’t just turn into a happy Little just by us treating him like one. We have to help him do it.” In almost any other country it would be culturally normal for a Big to not think of a Little as a person with their own mind and agency, and even among older people in Itali that attitude could still be found. Becky didn’t share that attitude. She was so wrapped up in the Little she envisioned having that she forgot he envisioned being his own kind of Little, If she could reconcile those visions and make him happy, she needed to do that; and if she couldn’t but could make him happy; she needed to do that; and regardless, she needed to recognize him for who he was and love him like a flower loves the sun, so that he could recognize himself for who he was: somewhat who deserved to be loved and was loved that much and more. “I love you, mom, and he will too. That’s our job, to make him feel loved and happy. That’s why he left, because he couldn’t do it on his own. We’ll get him there; but we can’t force it. He had to help him along. Amanda was repeating herself and so realized she was done now. She knew her mother. She knew this wasn’t intentional. Bigs got weird around Littles. Amanda wasn’t typical in not gushing over Littles. Maybe she had better perspective because of it. Or maybe she just liked Jamie for who he had been and who he was. She didn’t know everything about him, but she suspected there was more to his past than he had told them. When she had read his file that day at the agency, she hadn’t handed her mom the file because she suddenly changed her mind about having a Little. Now that Jamie was here, there was no part of taking care of him that didn’t make her love him even more. Life without him could never be whole, and she wouldn’t ever be the Amanda she was now were it not for the things he taught her about herself just by his presence. But she didn’t know any of that was going to happen that day in the agency. She just read the file and wanted to help this little boy. Rebecca felt ashamed. She had not only disregarded his feelings, or even though to pay more than passing attention to them, she had failed to protect him. It didn’t matter that no lasting harm was done to Jamie. His feelings alone mattered enough. And lasting harm may well have been to the relationship between Jamie and Rebecca. “Do I go apologize,” Rebecca finally said. “I think he wants some alone time. He’s writing to his friend who sent him his bear.” She saw he mom looked more upset. “But later, spend a little time alone with him. I’ll stay in my room. And ask him about the party; he deserves a say.” Amanda hugged her mom just as tightly as she hugged Jamie, and Becky hugged her back. “Thank you for telling me, baby. I know that took courage.” “Anything for him.” “That’s the thing I love about you most. Didn’t I tell you?” _­­­­­­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________________ My Forever Friend, Cheryl, I’m Jamie now. That page was on the table, and that was all that was on the page. Jamie sat in his new chair holding his bear, wondering what to say, and how to say it. It had never been hard to talk to Cheryl before.

Yesterday was a better day. I really appreciate the comments and compliments. They help make everything else a little better.☺️ No doubt I'll regret staying up so late writing. I told myself I wasn't going to do that. I finished this last night but couldn't get it to post, breaking my daily streak. So you might also get a second post this evening. _________________________________________________ Chapter 9, Part 1 The day ended with a tour of the house and back yard. Jamie feigned enthusiasm at the swing set that they got just for him in the backyard, or at least he thought it was feigned. He was more interested in the sandbox, which had been Amanda’s and was large enough by Jamie’s standard to nearly qualify as an artificial beach. That night, Jamie woke up in his crib once more in pain. He had resisted wetting his diaper all day, and he never had a chance to take to it off to pee in it. He once again had no idea what time it was, not that it mattered anyway. Whether someone was coming for him soon or not, they weren’t going to let him out of his diaper. He had the same choices as the morning before: pee in the diaper, or pee on the diaper. “I can’t hold it every single day until I’m in bed,” Jamie said to himself. Aside from being uncomfortable for much of the day, he knew it would lead to an infection or worse. The more he mulled it over, the angrier he became. At whom he wasn’t sure. He was on the list; after all, he’d gotten himself into this position. Becky was on the list; this was entirely her decision. Rubbing his temples, he made up his mind, but only after arguing with the darkness. “Ya know what? Fine! Whatever. Just …. Fucking fine.” He tried to let go, and as badly as he needed to, nothing flowed. He bore down, which made the need more urgent but did not open his sphincter. Getting more irate, he decided to try the opposite, and completely relaxed his abdomen and urinary muscles. At first he felt just a drop, and his body seized up, knowing or at least thinking it was supposed to. Jamie was feeling impatient but tried to relax again. He was rewarded with first a trickle, then a slow stream, and then the feeling of a comfortable bladder. Staying very still, he paid attention to what he was feeling. The warmth and tickling feeling weren’t bad. Once again, it wasn’t the sensation he hated than what caused the sensation. He reached down and through his sleeper felt his diapered crotch. It was warm on his hand, but he realized he didn’t feel wet in his pants, even a little. He had assumed that wet diapers felt wet. That was just logical. But he didn’t. After a few more minutes, Jamie went back to sleep. ______________________________________________________________________________ As he was being dried off after another bath the next morning, Jamie wasn’t paying much attention. He was thinking more about what would happen next. He didn’t feel a need to have any other big conversations today, and in fact he was well fed up with them. So what now, he wondered? Jamie was like any other adult. He knew how to work, and he knew how to relax. And that’s the way it worked: you go to work, and then you go home and relax, and on the weekends you run errands and try to relax more. Except, Jamie wasn’t working, and he was already, physically anyway, relaxed. He’d done little more than sleep and hang out for two days, plus the 40 days of unconsciousness before that. He had a lot on his mind, but nothing he wanted to deal with that day. Jamie also knew how to recreate. That’s what adults did, after all. When they weren’t working or relaxing or running errands, they recreated. They went to the gym, biked, hiked, climbs, sailed, played pick-up games, had a hobby. Those were fun, but they were also work. They required time and money and effort and planning. They were often organized in some way and they were rarely spontaneous and they almost always involved going somewhere. Jamie wasn’t working, he was relaxed, he didn’t run errands anymore, and he couldn’t go somewhere to recreate. What Jamie didn’t know how to do, what he had forgotten how to do and needed to learn again, was how to play. Except Jamie wasn’t aware of it, not yet. He just thought he needed something to do. “So today I thought we’d go out and get those things for your room,” Becky as she got him dressed. Jamie heard nothing after “go out.” “Um, what if you went to go do that, and I stayed here with Amanda?” “Don’t you want to pick out your own things?” “Uh … no, I’m sure I’ll like whatever you decide.” “You’ve been cooped up a while, now. I think you need some fresh air. We could go to the park after?” That was worse. He said nothing, hoping she’d drop it. “Well, I think you need to get out, so we’re gonna go together.” She ended the sentence with a period, and Jamie didn’t expect that to change. He’d just gotten here. He was hardly used to Becky and now to have to meet other people? And what if he ran into other Littles? It was one thing being dressed and care for like behind closed doors, but in front of human adults? What if they made fun of him? What if the Bigs made fun of him? What if … He didn’t want to be on display. “Amanda is going to come with us, too. Does that make you feel better?” “Yeah. A little.” She looked at him and didn’t like what she saw. “Amanda,” she shouted, “Could you come meet us in the family room?” The family room was turning more into a conference room at this point. Becky carried Jamie in, and he was surprised when she didn’t put him in the chair but instead sat down on the sofa with him in her lap. “What’s up, Mom,” Amanda asked when she came in. “I just wanted the three of us to have a little talk.” Amanda set down. “Jamie is feeling a little nervous. Do you want to talk about it Jamie, or should I?” So not talking about is not an option, he concluded. He just shook his head. “Jamie seems a little afraid to leave the house, which is very understandable since it’s his first time. So, what we’re going to do is all three of us will go, and, Jamie, we’ll be with you the entire time. If you get scared, I want you to say ‘pause,’ and we’ll find somewhere quiet to calm our nerves. So do you want to go now, or in the afternoon?” He looked at Rebecca and knew it was the best deal he was gonna get. And it wasn’t a bad one. He used to coach parents on this; ‘authoritative parenting,’ they’d called it. Rather than dictating or giving the child any choice he wanted to make, the choices were narrowed down: pick A or B, but you gotta pick one. Chapter 9, Part 2 “Now, I guess.” “Okay, I think we’re ready to go then,” Becky announced. “Wait,” Jamie said, “I need shoes.” “Oh, you’ll be fine like that.” Jamie didn’t see how that would work. Who left the house without shoes? Was this some kind of weird planet where there was nothing to step on that might hurt? But then why were the two of them wearing shoes? “Oh! I almost forgot we need a diaper bag,” Becky said. “Here, take him while I go make sure we have everything we need.” Amanda happily took Jamie on to her lap. She noticed, that he didn’t seem happy. In fact, it wasn’t just the look on his face. It was his body. He felt … softer, more flaccid. She gave him a gentle shake. “Hey, you know we won’t let anything happen to you, right?” “I know,” he said. He kinda sorta meant it, but he knew there’s a limit to what a person can protect another person from. “Oh, c’mon. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” Jamie looked at her. He did have one thought, but it made him blush. “Well … can I take my bear with me?” “I think we can manage that just fine.” Ten minutes later, Jamie was being buckled into a car seat. He looked around, amazed even though he knew he ought to be used it. The car was huge. Even if he was an independent Little, there was no way he’d be able to safely ride without a car seat. It otherwise looked like a car at home, albeit an expensive one. He didn’t expect flying cars, but if they could do all the things they had done to him at the hospital, not to mention master interdimensional travel, he’d just figure the cars do something different. “I’ll ride in back, mom.” “Thanks, baby. That’s nice of you.” Jamie was secured and Amanda was buckling in next to him. His feet dangled, and his car seat had 5-point restraints. He tried to casually see if he could open the restraints himself, and found even with both hands, his thumbs were not strong enough to depress the springs in the buckle. “Not quite strong enough for that, huh,” Amanda grinned. Caught! “That’s the idea. Besides, do you really want to go without?” “No, I was just curious.” “How’s your bear doing?” He chuckled. He didn’t entirely get Amanda yet. Sometimes she talked to him like an adult, and other times like a toddler, and other times like an adult being treated like a toddler, like she was in on joke. Becky pretty much always talked to him like a toddler. The way Amanda asked about the bear, he wasn’t sure what she thinking. “He never says a word of complaint.” “Ha! Does he have a name yet?” “No.” Sometimes over the past couple days, Jamie had caught himself not being quite sure what he was: an adult living a strange lifestyle, an adult pretending to be a toddler, or an adult becoming a toddler. He knew why he liked the bear so much: Cheryl gave it to him, and it had her voice in it. But why did he want to bring it with him? He knew it wouldn’t protect him. He wanted to bring it anyway. “Are you going to give him one?” “Maybe. Maybe he already has one and I just don’t know it yet.” Are we both playing the same game he wondered, or only one of us, or neither of us, he wondered. “You two look like you belong together,” Amanda said, smiling at him. The notion made Jamie feel good, but also not. If the bear were a symbol of Cheryl, what did it mean if he and the bear looked good together? As he was wondering that, he once more felt the need to empty his bladder. Trying the same technique, he relaxed and tried to let it out. It took a couple tries to get past his body’s reflex to shut it down; he had to concentrate. He noted again how it felt warm and tickled a little bit as it flowed down him before being absorbed, but then he felt completely dry. He had no intention of saying anything. The last thing he wanted was a public diaper change. Amanda snapped him out of it. She had watched him, and she leaned over and pushed her hand just a little ways between the car seat and Jamie. She startled him. He looked at her ready to say, hands off the goods, but he before he could, her hands shot down to his feet, and she was tickling him ferociously trough his socks. Jamie couldn’t help his reaction. He squealed, squirmed, kicked and thrashed, but he was pinned to his seat and couldn’t get away. Amanda was merciful, though, and stopped well before it went from fun to teasing. “Hey,” Jamie said trying to catch his breath, “Whadya do that for?” “What’s going on back there,” Becky asked while trying to see them in the mirror. She didn’t sound cross, happy actually to hear Jamie laugh. “I don’t know, mom. He just started tickling himself. I think we got a weird one or something.” “Liar!” She stuck her tongue out in response. Jamie had too much self-respect to just take that kind of insult and so responded in kind, adding moose ears to be sure he’d win the round. “Almost there,” Becky announced from the front seat. That brought Jamie back to the moment. He’d need to step out of their space and into the world in mere minutes. He’d miss most of the scenery, but now that he paid attention, he saw they were on a commercial road like any other at home, lined with shopping centers. At last they pulled into one of them and parked. Jamie shrunk a little. Chapter 9, Part 3 Amanda got out on her side of the car, and Becky opened Jamie’s. When her hands came toward him, to his surprise they didn’t go to the harness but to some mechanism behind the seat. He heard a click and then felt the seat shift. “You’re gonna carry me?” He didn’t want to be seen that way. It was downright infantile. “I think you’re a little too heavy even for me, honey. We’ll put you in the stroller.” “Oh…” She paused before saying, “Do you want to walk?” He didn’t want to be seen in a stroller, but then he didn’t want to be seen in overalls, especially ones with a snap crotch and elastic waistband. He wanted to be seen like a grown man, just a short one. Looking past Rebecca, though, to the giant cars surrounding them and to the giant people that passed his field of vision, he realized the stroller would be better. Not just safer, but he could hide in there, maybe go unnoticed. “Maybe later.” She nodded and lifted the seat by its handle. Amanda had already gotten the strolled out of the trunk, and the seat easily snapped in. Becky adjusted it so he was sitting mostly upright and pulled back the canopy on the seat. On the undercarriage, Amanda place what Jamie figured was his diaper bag. He inwardly groaned: my diaper bag. It reminded him his diaper was wet, Amanda knew it, and though he was comfortable was comfortable, the decision wouldn’t be his. He kept his bear in his arms as he was pushed toward the door, mostly to give him something to rest his chin against. “What kind of store is this?” “It’s called ‘A Little This, A Little That.’ It’s got stuff for Littles, obviously. Are you comfortable?” “Does this thing go up straighter?” “Sure.” Becky paused and Amanda adjusted the seat. “Better?” “Much. Thank you.” Now he was leaning back so far; it was more comfortable and he could see. The doors parted for them, and just like at home they were hit with too much air conditioning. Jamie was glad he had overalls on. Amanda took out the list they had made. “Let’s go find a chair for your room.” The store was huge, even for a store staffed by giants, and the human-sized everything in the store made it, and them, seem even larger. Jamie expected a few chairs to pick from, but it was practically a furniture store inside the Littles store. “Do you want to get out and try some?” “Yeah!” Jamie had never gotten to pick out furniture that was new or didn’t come from a store with the word “Bargainz” in its name. He wasn’t sure what to expect. All the chairs were in childish colors or patterns or had cartoons on them, but otherwise they looked like actual, adult chairs. He walked down the first row with Becky and Amanda following behind. He turned into the next row. When he saw something he might like, he first looked at the price tag, and then he realized he had no idea about the currency. “Is this expensive?” Amanda bent down. “No; Little stuff usually isn’t very expensive.” Jamie figured that must mean it wasn’t made very well, either, but he sat down and was surprised it was as comfortable as the chairs he couldn’t afford at home. He stood up and moved down the aisle. They followed him patiently. When he reached the recliners, he tried one and knew it was what he wanted. Now just to pick the right one. He tried some modern looking ones, but they were too hard. He tried the overstuffed ones, which might have worked if he were taller, but he sunk so low into them he had to propel himself out. He finally found one that was just right it nearly laid flat. He picked one in a pale pastel green; it was the least babyish color he liked. Amanda took the tag and the fabric swatch. “Where to next,” Becky asked. “I think he needs a table he can color at.” So they went to that section and found an activity table. It was low to the ground so he could sit on the floor to use it. “May I have a step stool?” Jamie surprised himself with the ‘may I.’ He’d learned to use that phrase with a foster parent who ‘helped’ him understand not to use ‘can I,’ and for all these years he’d subconsciously refused to say it. “What for,” Becky asked. “Um, so I can reach the top shelfs and stuff.” “I don’t think I want you climbing on a step stool yet.” Jamie wasn’t exactly surprised. No problem, he thought, I’ll just climb the furniture. “How about we go look at some toys?” They headed to the other end of the store. It wasn’t very busy inside, but there were a few other customers. Jamie was curious. He firstly noticed that no one paid him much mind. Then he noticed there were very few Littles walking on their own. When he could peer inside strollers or carriers, he saw much more babyish clothes than his own, and many much smaller Littles who had been clearly regressed. “Ya getting tired,” Amanda asked. He realized he had fallen a bit behind. And actually he was tired, having to walk faster to keep up with their long strides. And his hip hurt. But he blushed anyway, and nodded just enough to say yet. Amanda lifted him back into the stroller, buckled him in, and hand him his bear. They had every kind of toy except video games. Toys he’d seen babies back home play with, rattles, stacking rings, near-weightless foam balls. At the other end were toys that looked hard even for an unregressed mind. Amanda got a cart and walked into from of Becky and Jamie. Jamie didn’t know what to make of it all. Becky picked out a couple things she thought were cute, and Amanda picked out a couple. Becky’s were definitely on the simpler side; Amanda’s were more challenging. “Don’t you want to pick something,” Becky asked. She knelt down next to the stroller. “How about any of these?” They were in front of a display shelf of blocks. What am I going to do with blocks, he thought. Most of them had letters and numbers on them. “What’s that,” he said, pointing to a large plastic tub half the size of a footlocker. “I don’t know; let’s see.” Becky pulled one from the shelf. To him it looked heavy, but she set it down lightly with no trouble. She popped the hinges on either side. Shrink wrapped inside were blocks, larger ones, in different shapes, so basic and some intricate. “I like those.” “You do?” They don’t even has letters or numbers on them, she thought. “Okay then, let’s get ‘em.” She loaded them under the cart. They had the big box of blocks, some puzzles Amanda picked out, including what looked like a giant Rubik’s Cube, a set of cars Becky picked out, and some doodad with a lot of lights and noises. “Where do they keep the art stuff,” Amanda asked. Once there, Amanda selected a few items on her own: real drawing paper, real drawing pencils, and coloring books. She opened one up to show him. Jamie knew adult coloring books were popular at home, but they were nothing as elaborate as these. Jamie was a bit of an art history fan, and it excited him to see art nothing at all like he’d seen before. They headed toward the book section, and on the way, Jamie saw his first Little tantrum. Exactly like a kids, but with the lungs and power of an adult. A supremely pissed off adult. He was uncomfortable, embarrassed for him, her and all Littles. All the Big seemed not to notice. He knew what a tantrum was, not the fit of anger adults thought kids pitched to get what they wanted, but the expression of a mind overwhelmed with emotions it couldn’t control or understand. Geez, he though, what if I end up that way? Jamie got out of the stroller to look at some books. The most mature of them were at best young adult fiction, but that struck him as a good diversion. He didn’t need to read adult drama just then. “Hey, Jamie, do you play an instrument?” He turned to see Amanda holding a music book and recorder. He shook his head, and she put it in the cart. He got back into the stroller, and the two of them found Becky looking at parenting books, or whatever you call books about raising Littles. Some looked very earnest, and others looked more lighthearted. Caring For Your Little Growing Up Or Growing Down Help Your Child Adjust To A Little Helping Your Little Be A Little When Your Little Is Pissed Off Discipline And Your Little: The New Way When Your Littles Don’t Get Along When Your Little Is Really, Really Pissed Off What To Do If You Catch Your Little Urinating In Your Houseplants And Other Potty Troubles Littles And The Extended Family Introducing Your Little To The World And The World To Your Little “I already raised a child,” Becky said, “I think I know how to care for a Little.” Amanda gave her mom the side eye and plucked Caring for Your Little and Helping Your Little Be A Little from the shelf. “I think we just need some supplies and that’s it.” Becky drove the stroller and they headed to the middle of the store, which appeared to be where the basics were. Wipes, powder, disposal sacks. Jamie opted not to pay attention. As he was day dreaming, out of nowhere there was some strange Big directly in front his face, making idiotic noises. “Oh my god, he is so darling,” this strange woman said in what was definitely an outside voice. “Thank you! He just arrived a few days ago,” he heard Becky reply with pride. “Oh my goodness! Then you’re just brand new, aren’t you?” She kept babbling, and Jamie didn’t know how to respond. She was in his face, leave alone how irritating she was being. He was about to just ask her to step back when she reached out and squeezed his cheek. “Hey! What the do you think you’re doing,” he shouted. He’d not raised his voice over two of the most frustrating and overwhelming days of his life. “Aww, I’m just see how soft your sweet little cheeks are.” And then she did it again. “What the hell! You could at least ask for fucking permission before you touch someone!” The woman gasped but quickly smiled and chuckled. Becky turned three shades of red. Standing up, the woman reassured Becky, “It’s okay. We’ve all been there. I bet he’s just shy.” “Shy and cranky. He needs his nap,” Becky replied. The conversation was taking place above Jamie, literally, and it wasn’t addressed to him at all. “What I need is an apology!” “Bye bye, little guy. Hope you feel better after your nap.” The woman sauntered off, leaving Jamie feeling angry and ineffectual. He couldn’t even hurt her feelings, let alone get her to take him seriously. “And I hope you dry up and shrivel!” I don’t even know what that means, Jamie mused. “James!” Then Becky was in front of him. “Today is a warning, but I don’t want to hear any more potty talk. We don’t talk to anyone that way, especially Bigs, understand?” Jamie stared back at her, mouth open a little. He wanted to stick up for himself. He could win this argument on straight logic easily, beginning with the “especially Bigs” part. But Becky had displayed a certain imperviousness to logic. She must’ve thought he was upset by her rebuke, because she suddenly leaned in and kissed him. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.” What about my feelings? I AM mad! Can we talk about that? The sun doesn’t rise and set with your opinion of me! Jamie wanted to answer back. Instead, all he said was, “Where’d Amanda go?” “I’m right here,” she answered as she sauntered with a couple more things for the cart. “What’s up?” “No big deal. Someone just had a little tantrum is all.” Someone is getting tired of being referred to in the third person when someone is standing right there. “Oh. Well, what else?” Becky reached to the shelf and tossed a package of pacifiers into the cart, which may have set Jamie off again except he wasn’t paying any attention to her. “Well, I don’t know if he deserves them after that little misbehavior, but I did promise.” She sounded so excited. They were rolling again, and when they stopped, it was at the end of an aisle of diapers that ran almost the length of the store. There must have been hundreds. “Okay, you get to pick any ones you want,” Becky said as she lifted him from the stroller and set him on his feet. She said it with the same tone of eager largesse the mother of the bride has when telling her daughter she can have any dress she wants, and diamond tiara to boot. Jamie stood there. Not only did he not care what diapers he wore, he didn’t want to pick them out. Picking them out would imply some kind of consent, and if she picked them out, he at least had the satisfaction of knowing that, from being in diapers at all down to the individual diaper he was wearing, it was all her decision. “Um, we already have so much. I don’t want to you to spend more than you can on me.” There, an out that made him seem gracious. “Oh, don’t worry about that. Teachers here are very highly paid.” “Really?” That to him was a much more interesting topic to discuss, but he didn’t get to. Turning him around to face the aisle, she gave him a gentle swat on the butt, and said, “Scoot.” He turned red at the swat and how loud it was. They walked down the aisle slowly. Alright, Jamie said to himself, if you have to make this decision, you might was well own it; not like you’re getting to make many. She wasn’t kidding. They had every color, or at least every color fit for someone in diapers. They had patterns; they even had one that looked like Y-front underwear, but that made it seem even more demeaning. They had cartoon characters he didn’t recognize and sports motifs and car motifs and flower motifs. Despite himself, he wondered, what’s my motif? What motif fit his personality and interests? He wasn’t sure he had one. He walked back toward the end they started at. Maybe just a solid color? Or some simple pattern? Or maybe some motif after all? He paced once more, and Becky didn’t get impatient. This was an almost solemn occasion to her. Finally, he picked a white one, plain except for the blue strip that ran along the top of the waistband and around the leg gathers. If there’s such as a thing as a mature diaper, this was it. “Are you sure,” Becky asked. He nodded, and she picked up the package like it was it was some wondrous thing. As much as Jamie was irritated with Becky, he couldn’t stay angry very long. He saw she had her heart in the right place, and it was clear she was doing everything she was doing as an expression of love. He was ready to forgive, but not forget. He wanted to solve these issues, and as she put him back in the stroller with such a glowing look of contentment, he wanted to understand what made her tick. “Alright, I think we’re ready to go home. You must be starving, and tired.” And he was. On the ride home, he thought about the experience. He wasn’t the center of attention; he was just one more Little to the rest of the world. And though he wished that woman never found a pair of pants that fit every again, he also knew there were plenty of socially inept jerk faces back home who had no respect for a baby’s personal space. But he hadn’t gotten to talk to anyone, and he hadn’t gotten to interact with other Littles. He was intimidated by Bigs who might not be kind to him or might accidentally hurt him just because they were so big and he was so small. He was embarrassed by his outfit and didn’t want the condition of his diaper to be known. But he knew if it was, no Big would ridicule him for it. He was more worried about the judgment of his peers.

Dave Smith and the Family Curse Part 12 Saturday morning Dave sat with his arms crossed and a pout on his face as he stared out the passenger’s side window of his mom’s minivan. He could care less to speak with her right now. Neither he nor his mother were in the best of moods. This morning went badly for both of them right from the start. First of all, Dave was still upset from the night before when he found out he had to spend his entire Saturday with his bratty cousin. Adding to his morning’s frustration was the fact that he woke up wearing soaked through training pants again. His mom had to spend time stripping his bed and dealing with his sopping wet pajamas. The morning didn’t get any better from there. Dave thought it was totally ridiculous that he couldn’t stay home while his mom went out with his Aunt Wendy and little cousin Charlie. She said she would be gone all day long and she was concerned about his recent bladder issues. She would feel better if he was around someone in case he had an accident or needed help. Dave finally broke the silence in the minivan. “How is me having to staying with Laurie going to help you feel any better today? She’s a year younger than I am!” His mother kept her eyes on the road as she spoke. “We’ve been over this David. Until I’m sure your bedwetting isn’t due to a medical condition I would prefer not to leave you alone. Just think of it as you keeping an eye on Laurie for the day. If you do a good job and don’t fight I’ll pay you $20 for a job well done.” Dave went back to staring out the window. “Did you grab the bag with the baby bottles and sippy cups like I asked you to?” “Oh man. No, I forgot.” “David! You had one job this morning. That was to bring some of your little cousin’s things back to your aunt. Unbelievable.” Cindy sighed. About 10 minutes later Dave suddenly felt a sharp cramp in his bladder. “Ow. Umm mom, I kind of have to pee.” “Did you at least try to go before we left?” Cindy asked in an annoyed voice. “Yes, I peed right before we left. How long until we get to Aunt Wendy’s?” Dave squeezed his legs together as he answered her. “I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. We’re only about 20 minutes away. We’ll be getting off the highway after 3 more exits.” Cindy glanced over at David and noticed his legs rapidly bouncing up and down. “I’ll try to hurry. If I see a gas station or store I’ll pull over.” “Thank you” Dave said with a nervous look on his face. Right after the words came out of his mouth the traffic began to slow down. Two minutes later they were at a complete stop. “Uuugghh” Dave conveyed his frustration as his legs continued to bounce. They were stuck in the middle lane so they couldn’t even pull over to the side of the highway. Cindy started looking around on the floor. “David, look in the back and see if we have any cups back there.” Unfortunately, there weren’t any type of containers in the minivan. As she saw her son clench his teeth and close his eyes she asked “Do you have your training pants on?” “No, I don’t wear them during the day.” This brought another sigh of frustration from Cindy. “You really need to start wearing them during the day. Or at least when there’s not a toilet immediately available. I shouldn’t have to be telling you this. You should know enough to put them on without your mother telling you to.” Dave was in too much discomfort and too desperate to be embarrassed by what his mom just said. He was only half paying attention to her as he clenched his eyes shut and concentrated. Over and over he kept thinking “Just keep holding it. Just keep holding it.” However, the sharp pain in his bladder was unrelenting. The car had only inched forward a few feet in the last 5 minutes. Then the driver in the car behind them beeped their horn in frustration. Startled, Dave jerked forward in his seat. That momentary lapse in concentration is all it took. Dave knew he was in trouble the moment he felt the first splash of warm pee soak into his underwear. He clenched his muscles with all of his might but a moment later another spurt shot out, then another. Within seconds his strength gave out and a solid stream shot into his pants. All he could do now was frown in embarrassment as his bladder emptied into his pants. Cindy was trying to pull into the right hand lane when the car behind her blew their horn. Out of the corner of her eye she saw David, stiffen. A few seconds later she snapped her head in his direction as she heard a slight hissing sound. She didn’t need to ask him any questions. She saw the defeated look on his face, the tears forming in his eyes, and the wet spot forming on his pants. “We’ll take care of it when we get to your Aunt Wendy’s. I just wish I didn’t have cloth seats.”” She said the second sentence more to herself than to her son but he still heard her. His Aunt Wendy was carrying Charlie around the front yard as the minivan pulled into the driveway. She was wearing a pair of tight fitting blue jeans and a white button down collared shirt. For having a young child his aunt was in surprisingly good shape. She had curvy hips and full breasts but maintained a thin waist. Her features were all accentuated by the stylish clothes she wore. Laurie was standing on the front steps talking on her cell phone. She was wearing a light blue dress with a pair of ankle socks and black shoes. In her curly blonde hair she wore a band that topped her head with a little black bow. His aunt and cousin walked over to the van as it came to a stop. “Good morning!” Wendy gave Cindy a hug as she got out of the van. “Hi Aunty Cindy.” Laurie said as she took her phone away from her head for a moment. “Hi guys.” Cindy said in a tired voice. “Dave, stay in the van for a moment.” Cindy pulled Wendy a few away before she said anything else. This peaked Laurie’s interest so she followed the two of them and listened in. “David had a little accident on the way here and I didn’t bring any spare clothes for him. Wendy, I hate to ask you this but can you take David to the bathroom so he can wash up? I’m going to have to try cleaning the passenger’s seat before we can go shopping today.” “Of course I can. Don’t worry a bit. I’ll get his wet clothes into the washer as soon as possible.” At first Laurie was stunned by the news. “I’ll have to call you back. Something just came up.” By the time she hung up her phone she had a huge smile across her face. “David, take your shoes and socks off before you get out of the van. I don’t want them getting soaked if any pee drips down your legs.” Cindy said though the open driver’s side window.” As Dave stepped out of the van his Aunt Wendy gave him a pouty look that someone would give to an unhappy baby. She held her hand out to him. “Oh Davey, come here sweetie. I’ll bring you into the bathroom so you can get all cleaned up. It’s a chilly morning so we need to get you out of those wet clothes right away.” Dave was wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt. The inner thighs, entire crotch, and the whole seat of his pants were soaked and much darker than the rest of his jeans. He took his aunt’s hand and glanced over to his cousin. She had a HUGE smirk on her face. He immediately looked at the ground to avoid her smug gaze. As his aunt walked him past his cousin he heard a ‘click’. He immediately turned around to see her pointing her phone towards him. “Smile!” she said as she took a second picture. “OK Davey, you can go get cleaned up now. I got pictures of the front and back. I’ll make sure to send them both to you. Oh wait, I forgot, your mommy says you’re still too little to have a cell phone.” Her smile couldn’t have gotten any wider if she tried. “Laurie! Put your phone away and get inside. That’s no way to treat your cousin.” Wendy scolded her daughter. She then noticed Dave’s face was deep red with embarrassment and anger. He had tears in his eyes and his hand trembled in hers. “Come on Davey. Don’t worry about Laurie, I’m going to have a little chat with her.” She then walked him into the house and towards the bathroom. Dave sat on the couch with only a towel around his waist. His mother walked in and told Wendy she cleaned the passenger’s seat as best she could but it will take at least a day to dry so they should probably take Wendy’s car. “OK David, I’m putting twenty dollars on the living room table. Like I said, it’s yours as long as you keep the peace. I want you on your best behavior when I’m gone. If you need anything just ask your cousin.” Dave gave a barely perceptible nod at his mother’s statement. “David, what did I just say? Best behavior!” Cindy repeated in a very authoritative voice. “OK” he said in a clear voice this time. Wendy turned to her daughter. “Alright we’re going to be gone all day long. You know where all the drinks and food are. Davey forgot to bring his formula so make sure he eats something nutritious. And put his clothes in the dryer when the wash is done.” “OK Ma.” Laurie said in a light tone. She then turned to Dave “I’m in charge today Davey.” “No you’re not!” Dave jumped up so quickly he had to grab his towel to keep it from falling off. Laurie only grinned as he struggled to keep the towel around his waist. Cindy quickly walked across the room and grabbed Dave’s upper arm. “David, I don’t want to hear any arguments today. You’re a guest here. You’re cousin is being nice enough to dry your clothes and get you lunch and dinner. If she wants to be in charge don’t argue with her. UNDERSTAND?” Cindy startled her son. She didn’t get angry very often but when she did he never argued with her. A light “Yes ma’am.” was all he said before she released his arm and he sat back down on the couch. As Aunt Wendy’s car left the driveway, Laurie immediately turned to Dave and smiled. “So, what do you want to do today Davey?” “Nothing” he wouldn’t even look at his cousin. “Oh come on, it’s only 10 AM. We have the entire day to ourselves. There’s plenty we can do. How would you like to go get an ice cream after lunch? I know you like ice cream Davey.” “No” Laurie wasn’t happy with the one word answers she was receiving. “What are you going to do, sit and pout all day because you peed in your pants?” She then got the reaction she desired as Dave’s head snapped to attention and he frowned at her. “Well, since I’m in charge, I’m not going to let you waste your day moping around. First, we need to get you some clothes. You can’t just sit around all day long with only a towel on.” She grabbed him by the hand to pull him off the couch but he quickly pulled it away. “I’ll do whatever I want.” he said with an angry glare. “Well since you’re just going to sit around on the couch, I guess I might as well just sit around and post these pictures of you. I’m sure all of our other cousins will love these pictures.” Dave jumped off the couch “You little bitch!” The smile on Laurie’s face suddenly turned into a menacing glare. “I’m going to have to punish you for that, LITTLE cousin.” she put an emphasis on the word little. “I’m in charge today Davey. Even your mommy told you I’m in charge. And if you don’t listen she’ll punish you and I’ll post these pictures.” Dave’s angry expression quickly turned into a stunned look of defeat. “Fine, whatever.” his voice sounded a lot poutier than he would have wanted. Laurie’s smug grin returned “Good, now come with me stinky pants. Let’s find you something more appropriate to wear.” Dave didn’t like her new nickname for him one bit. Laurie grabbed his hand and practically dragged him down the hall into the playroom. This room contained all of Charlie’s baby toys as well as a dresser of baby clothes. There were also a lot of Laurie’s old dolls and stuffed animals. She must have had about 20 Teddy Bears, some almost as tall as Dave. Some of them wore tutus, others wore princess dresses, tiara’s, hats, all different types of clothing. However, they all had one thing in common. Every single one wore a diaper. Laurie opened the door to a walk in closet and pulled out a white, padded matt. She laid the matt on the floor and pointed at it. “Lie down.” “Is…is that a changing matt?” As Dave asked the question, Laurie ripped the towel away from his waist. “I said lie down!” Dave quickly put his hands into front of his private parts and sat on the mattress to hide his bum. “Hey! What’s the big idea?” “I won’t repeat myself again…LIE…DOWN!” Naked and getting a little nervous about his cousin’s temperament , Dave lied back onto cool, padded, vinyl covered changing matt. When Dave was finally laying in the middle of the room on the changing matt, Laurie walked into the closet and pulled out a plastic package of some sort. “I dress Charlie all the time. Don’t worry, you’ll be covered up before you know it.” She then grabbed a white bottle from the dresser. As she kneeled at Dave’s feet, he lifted his head and protested. “I don’t need you to dress me. I can dress myself!” He never once moved his hands. Laurie brought her open palm down onto Dave’s stomach with a ‘SLAP’. “Owww!” Dave let out a yelp. “Lie your head back down.” Laurie demanded with a cold, professional voice. Dave immediately put his head back down onto the changing matt. He heard a crinkling sound followed by “Lift your butt.” Dave lifted his butt a few inches off the floor. “OK, down.” Laurie put her hand on Dave’s stomach and pushed downwards to force him to comply. His behind was now laying on something soft. Up until this point Dave was just staring at the ceiling and following order. However, it was now all starting to fall into place for him. He then felt a puff of air on his butt and smelled the baby powder. He bolted into an upright sitting position, knowing exactly what Laurie had in mind for his new clothes. That’s when he saw the unfolded diaper under his butt. “I’m not wearing a!” He was cut off by a solid slap across his face. Dave was momentarily stunned. His mother never slapped him. In fact, no one had ever slapped him across the face. Laurie wagged her index finger at him and scolded him like a child. “Davey! You are being a naughty little boy! Now lie back down so I can finish changing you!” Tears started to form in his eyes as his little cousin’s scolding as well as the sting of her slap began to set in. He lied back down, not only to avoid another slap but to also fight back the tears. He didn’t want to let his younger, girl cousin she that she made him cry with a slap and a child’s scolding. “Now move your hands. Don’t worry little cousin, I don’t have to look while I pull your diaper up.” That was the final confirmation. His younger cousin was going to diaper him. What was he going to do? He could jump up and fight back. He could scream at her. If the minivan was unlocked, maybe he could grab the towel and make it into the van. He could lock the doors and stay there all day until his mom got back. All of these possibilities flew through his mind. Before he made a decision, he felt the palm of his cousin’s hand come to rest on his stomach. “Davey, am I going to have to slap your belly again? Move your hands.” Out of all of the possibilities he thought of, his nervous brain did only one thing. It obeyed his cousin’s will. He moved his hands and stayed still like a compliant child. He felt the soft diaper being pulled up between his legs and heard the loud crinkling as it was pressed across his waist. For some reason Laurie then pulled it back off. For a fleeting moment he thought maybe she was going to end this cruel joke. His heart almost leaped at the thought. That was until his cousin wiggled the diaper out from under his bum a little to adjust it. She then pulled it back over his waist and tugged the sides over his hips. He heard the slight rip of one tape and then felt her push it onto his left hip. She then tugged on the right side of the diaper so it pulled tightly across his waist. When she was finally satisfied that she had a nice snug fit she secured the second tape. Laurie then patted Dave on the belly. “All done baby cousin. I put you into a nice clean diaper. Mmmm, that baby powder smells so nice.” Without even seeing her, Dave could hear the smile in her voice. She was loving every second of his humiliation. A tear rolled out of each eye as his head rested on the changing matt. His cousin’s force of will had dominated his own. And in losing that battle he now laid on a changing matt in what he could feel was a very thick, very crinkly diaper. “Awww is baby Davey crying again?” Laurie spoke in a sickly sweet voice that one would use with a baby or toddler. She made a mock crying motion, wiggling her fists up near her eyes. “Geez, you cry more than my baby brother. Well, come on, no use crying in your diapers all day. Upsy-Daisy! ” She grabbed Dave by the hands and pulled him into a sitting position. Dave stared down at the thick, bulky, pure white diaper that was taped securely around his waist. While he had tear streaked eyes and an outright defeated look on his face. Laurie had probably the biggest smile of her life on hers. “Finally!” she thought. “I finally get to put my big cousin in his place.” She was ecstatic. She had waited years and years for this day. And she planned on cherishing it. It wasn’t even 10:30 AM. She still had the entire day with her baby cousin. She put her hand under Davey’s chin and raised his head to meet her gaze. “Awww. Who’s a big boy?” She said this as she tickled his chin with her fingers. Then she leaned in and gave him an exaggerated peck on the cheek with a loud ‘MUAH’. “All right Davey, unless you only want to wear that diaper all day long you better get that skinny butt of yours off that changing matt.” Laurie then stood up and walked over to the closet again. Dave slowly stood up. As he followed Laurie over to the closet he couldn’t believe how noisy the big, plastic backed diaper was. Every step was a crinkly reminder of what he was wearing. “Laurie, where did you get such big diapers?” Laurie was in the walk in closet rummaging around but David could still hear her reply. “My mom found them at a thrift store a long time ago. I still remember being really excited that she finally found diapers that would fit even my largest Teddy Bears. Those diapers were made in the days before water absorbing gel and cloth coverings. That’s why they’re so thick and crinkly. I’ve had 3 packages of them sitting in this closet for years. They’re called Precious brand diapers. They’re for children 20 to 23kg and larger.” David was confused for a moment. “What’s 20kg?” “I don’t know the actual weight in pounds but they’re obviously large enough to fit over your skinny tush.” Laurie replied as she stepped out of the closet holding a large yellow garment. “I haven’t fit into these for years but they should fit you perfectly.” She kneeled down in front of David and tapped his right foot. “OK, lift your foot Davey.” “What is it?” David asked nervously. The only reply he received was a quick slap on his inner thigh. “Ow!” Dave quickly lifted his foot and Laurie started pulling the garment up his leg. “OK, now lift the other one.” This time Dave complied without question. As Laurie got the fuzzy yellow piece of clothing over both of Davey’s feet she began sliding it up his body. “Footy pajamas?” David whined as much as asked. “Yup it was either these or a dress. Would you prefer wearing a dress Davey?” Laurie asked with raised eyebrows. With terror in his eyes he quickly replied “No!” Laurie stood and pulled the pajamas up to David’s chest. “Put your arms in.” she said with a smirk. As Dave slid he arms into the onesie pajamas, Laurie quickly pulled them over his shoulders. “I think they’re a little short.” Dave said as he looked at Laurie. She continued to smirk as she saw the pathetic look on her cousin’s face. She grabbed the sides of the pajamas just above the waist and gave them a sharp tug upwards. “Ugh!” David let out as the crotch of the onesie yanked up snuggly between his legs. “Better?” Laurie asked as she grabbed the zipper that was down around his diaper and zipped it all the way up to his neck. Dave looked at Laurie but didn’t answer as he looked back down at the childish pajamas. They were made out of a fuzzy bright yellow fabric. The right breast had little ducky embroidered on it. The neckline and writs cuffs were white and there were little white pads on the bottom of the feet. “Well, walk around a little. Let’s see how they fit.” Laurie said with a wide grin. Dave waddled a wide circle around the playroom. The diaper was extremely thick and bunched up between his legs. It was barely contoured compared to modern diapers. At least the leg gatherers felt comfortable enough. “The pajamas are OK but the diaper is really thick and crinkles with every step I take.” He had a deep frown on his face as he turned back to Laurie. “Do I really have to wear this?” “Yup” was her only reply. Dave released a long sigh. “Can you tell I have a diaper on under the pajamas?” Laurie drew in a deep breath and raised one index finger like she was going to deny that anyone would be able to tell. However, after a moment she began to laugh and nod her head yes. “Oh yeah, you can definitely tell.” Still laughing, she gave him three thumping pats on the bum. “The outline of your diaper is really obvious. And if I don’t notice the outline, I would definitely notice your waddle. Yeah, there’s no hiding it.” Dave still had the frown on his face as he tried to look over his shoulder at his padded bottom. “Awww my poor cousin.” Laurie said with a frown and pouty voice. She grabbed Dave by the shoulders and spun him around to face her. Then she leaned down and gave him a big hug. She wrapped one arm around his back and put the other hand on his bum and began to pat it. “There there Davey, some day you’ll start making it to the potty on time and then you won’t have to wear those horrible diapers anymore.” Dave was mortified and just stood there with his arms by his sides as his cousin did a good job of shaming him. Laurie looked him right in the eyes and wagged her index finger in his face as she released him. “Now you wait right here little Davey. I’ll be right back. Then I’ll bring you into the living room so you can watch some television.” Laurie only stepped into the closet for a moment before she came back with two little knitted yellow mittens. Each mitten had two little yellow pom poms connected to the wrist by strings of yellow yarn. She walked over to the dresser and pulled out two diaper pins from the top drawer. Both pins were topped with little plastic yellow ducks. She pushed the thumbs of the mittens inside out so they were actually inside the mittens. Then she stuck a diaper pin through the mitten where to thumb would usually stick out. This physically pinned the thumb inside the mitten so it couldn’t be pushed back out. “OK Davey, let’s see those little hands of yours.” Dave immediately hid his hands behind his back. “It’s not that cold out. I don’t need mittens.” Laurie gave Dave a stern look. “You need them because I say you need them. Now are you going to hold out your hands for me or do I have to force you to and then post some of your pictures? The choice is up to you but either way you’ll be wearing these mittens.” Dave slowly held his hands out for his taller, domineering cousin. “Good boy” Laurie slid the first mitten over his right hand. She then wrapped the yellow strings of yarn around his wrist and tied them together in a knot. As Laurie did the same with his left hand, David shook his right hand around. The mitten was securely strapped to his wrist. By the time he finally gave up trying to shake off the mitten, Laurie was finished with his left hand. She inspected her work and smiled. “A good job if I do say so myself. Now, please take off your pajamas Davey.” “What? “ Dave asked in confusion. “Your pajamas, take them off please.” she repeated with a smile. Dave just shook his head and went to pull down the zipper of his fuzzy yellow pajamas. He fumbled around with the tiny zipper for a few moments. It was no good, he just couldn’t get a grasp on the little zipper with his thumb-less knit mittens. Dave began to look desperate as he tried using both hands to get his pajamas off. He got very nervous when it became clear he could not take the onesie off by himself. “Oh, that’s OK Davey, I guess you can just leave them on.” she smiled maliciously. She took him by the mittened hand and began to walk him out of the playroom. As they were about to leave, something caught Laurie’s eye and she stopped dead in her tracks. “That’s it, I knew you were missing something.” Dave watched in horror as Laurie walked over to one of her big Teddy Bears and pulled a large white lace bonnet off of its head. He took a step back as Laurie approached him. “Don’t move another inch Davey.” She stepped up to him and put the bonnet over his head. “This will only take a moment.” She said with a smile as she tied the bonnet’s strings into a perfect bow under his chin. “Perfect!” She took Dave by hand and led him into the bathroom. His diaper crinkled every step of the way. She stood him in front of a full length mirror that hung on the inside of the bathroom door. She stood behind David with her hands on his shoulders. “There’s the front.” Dave gave a pathetic little pout as he fully saw himself in the mirror. Besides a slight height difference, he looked like a toddler. He groaned as he saw himself wearing the white lace bonnet, fuzzy yellow pajamas and little yellow mittens. “And here’s the back!” She smiled and quickly spun him around by the shoulders. As he looked back at the mirror it was painfully obvious that he was wearing a thick disposable diaper under his pajamas. Not that it would matter. Anyone within earshot would hear the crinkle well before they noticed his puffy bottom. “OK, I’m going to let you sit and watch some television. You’ve had a busy morning of pants wetting, crying like a baby, and fighting your diaper change. You must be exhausted.” Laurie said with a giggle. “Are you thirsty?” She asked as she led Dave into the living room by the hand. Dave nodded his head. “Yeah, I’m actually pretty thirsty.” His mouth was really dry after everything he had been through this morning. “Your mom told me to make sure you ate plenty of nutritious food today. Unfortunately, you left your formula at home.” Laurie put on a mock pout as she said that. “But don’t get your diaper in a twist just yet. I have the perfect solution. You can have some of Charlie’s formula! And since I don’t want you to spill on your pretty pajamas, I’ll even put it in one of his baby bottles for you.” she said with a big smile. “Laurie come on. Haven’t you done enough to me already?” Dave whined. With a wicked grin on her face “Oh no Davey, I have all day to keep this up. Now, I can’t have you running amuck while I prepare your bottle. Hmmm…what shall I do?” She put her hand to her chin like she was deep in thought. Then she smiled brightly and snapped her finger. “I’ve got it! In you go.” She pointed to Charlie’s playpen which sat right next to the couch. Dave put his mittened hands on the railing of the playpen and looked in. “There’s no way I’m getting into that.” Right as sentence left his mouth he felt Laurie wrap her arms around his thighs. “Upsy-Daisy!” was all he heard as she lifted him over the railing and unceremoniously dumped him into the playpen. Luckily for David, the floor of the playpen was heavily padded and very soft. However, it still took him a moment to get his bearings and stand back up. As he turned to face her, Laurie immediately wagged her index finger in his face. “Now you stay right in your little playpen. If you’re not in it when I get back I’ll wash your mouth out with soap and spank you on your diaper. Do you hear me young man?” As he looked around his new jail cell he nodded his head. A slight “Yes Laurie” could barely be heard from his low voice. “Good, now I’ll be back in just a moment with your bottle. In the meantime you can watch TV.” As Laurie picked the TV remote up from the living room table she noticed the $20 bill her Aunt Cindy had placed there for David. “Oh, and I’ll be taking this thank you very much.” She waved the money at him. “Heeey! My mom left that for me!” Dave reached his arm over the railing but Laurie was well out of the reach of his mittened hand. “She left if for you if you stayed on your best behavior. You gave me a really hard time during your diaper change and you’ve been talking back non-stop. Just think of it as payment for me having to diaper you, dress you, prepare your baby bottles, and dry your wet clothes.” With that, she turned on the television and walked into the kitchen. Dave stood with his mittens on the railing of the playpen as he watched Laurie disappear into the kitchen. Even if he dared to he couldn’t escape his playpen jail cell. The playpen’s railing came up to the bottom of his chest. His slippery, thumb-less mittens reduced his grip to nearly toddler levels and the snug fit of his pajamas wouldn’t allow him to raise his leg high enough to swing it over the railing. He couldn’t even watch TV. Aunt Wendy left the television on a music channel for little Charlie. He was currently being forced to listen to The Itsy Bitsy Spider on the All Lullabies, All Day Long station. Dave stepped to the other side of the playpen and peered around the living room some more. Every crinkly step was a reminder of the thick diaper his cousin taped around his waist. If he could find a phone maybe he could call his mother. His Aunt Wendy would certainly put an end to this nonsense. For now he had no choice but to play along with his cousin’s foul game. All he had to do is keep his cool and wait for the right moment. “I mean, how much worse could this possibly get?” he thought. As if on cue, he heard the beep of the microwave oven. This was followed a moment later by his cousin’s sing song voice “One big bottle of warm baby formula, coming right up.”

Part 39I drifted in and out of consciousness, I don't know how many times. There were tears, there were screams, there was a fight. I heard people yelling about how we couldn't go to the vet, nobody knew what to do. Nanny kept me close, I think... I remember Bella carrying me some as well.. I remember my face feeling wet from her tears. It was hard to tell what was real and what wasn't. I remember Nanny making a phone call, I remember hearing "Albion Embassy".. and I remember drinking a lot of water and doing a lot of vomiting. The mask smelled terrible but I couldn't get away from it. They wouldn't let me sleep. Every time I finally drifted off to get away from the pain, someone woke me up. Splashing me with water, slapping my face, always something. I just wanted to sleep... everything hurt.I drifted in this hazy void for who knows how long. I was passed from person to person, Sunshine always seemed to be nearby.. I felt the touch of her tail often."I don't think she's going to make it, dearie... ""I'm so sorry Bella sweetie... ""I'll get you another kitty, princess.. "The voices came and went, the faces came and went.Eventually Bella talked everyone into letting her take me to her room so she could hold me.. we watched the sun set together on her bed, she didn't get upset when I got sick on it."Milk.. " I begged, the milk-itch was getting to me even now. With the mask open I could finally talk.I was honestly surprised to see the sun rise. Bella stayed by my side all night, feeding me milk when she could, giving me water, holding me and cleaning me up.When my vision finally cleared, Bella wasn't alone in the room. I was greeted by Gwen's worried smile. Her pink tips hung over her face, her camo jacket was crusted with vomit. Bella was asleep in a chair in the corner. We weren't in Bella's room, everything was too bright, too white, too shiny."Gwen?" I asked weakly.. was this another horrible dream? Was she going to throw me away or tell April to get rid of me?"Hi sweetie," Gwen stroked my hair, carefully avoiding my ears. It felt so good, but honestly.. I wanted her to scruff them."How are you here? Where am I? Gwen.. I need the milk," I looked around weakly for the bottle. Gwen teased the nipple of the bottle into my mouth and held me tight."The Embassy called your mommy, I'm here to take you home," she said to me softly, "I didn't think you were going to make it, Kimmy. I was so worried about you. We're in the hospital, they got the poison out of you.""Where's mommy?" I asked as soon as the bottle was gone, the milk-itch gone with it."She's waiting for you at home, Kimmy. I had to come to Catalon and get her, she taxed her body too much looking for you, she almost ended up in the hospital herself. She stopped eating, stopped sleeping... when you went missing her whole world fell apart. I took her home and came back to keep looking for you myself."I reached up and felt my face... the kitty mask was gone. I flexed my ears.. the kitty ears, they were still there. I reached up and touched them gently."They had to cut the mask off, but they were worried that removing the collar and disconnecting the ears would send you into a shock that your body couldn't take. It'll be a while before we can remove those.""I... I think I want to keep them. Are we going home?""As soon as they release you, sweetie. We have to make sure you'll be safe to fly and then we're back home to Albion.""What about Sunshine?""The sun is shining sweetheart, it's been shining since the moment your mommy said that you'd been found. She promised not to press charges of any kind if you were returned.""No.. Sunshine, the other kitty... the other Little. She's my friend. Gwen, we have to save her!" I struggled weakly in her arms, but she held me close."Shhh, shh... calm down.""But Sunshine!"Bella woke at my shouting."Daisy? Oh my goodness Daisy, you're alive! I was so worried, Daisy what happened?""Opal poisoned me.. she said I was going to meet Sprinkles... where's Sunshine? We can't let Opal get Sunshine!""Nanny was watching Opal like a hawk as soon as we figured out what was wrong with you. Sunshine is safe, Daisy.""Her name is Kimmy," Gwen said gruffly, frowning at Bella. "Kimmy Morris. Not Daisy.""Right... I'm sorry. I'm glad you're okay, Kimmy. I'm sorry that Opal hurt you.""I forgive you, Bella... I'm going to go home to my mommy.""I'm sorry we kept you from your mommy... I didn't know... " Bella blushed, looking down, "I didn't think about who you were with before, I'm sorry we took you. It was wrong.""You're damn right it was wrong," Gwen grumped at Bella, who was on the verge of tears. I felt my ears flatten."Gwen... Bella is sorry, she's a good person. I forgive her, I hope you can too. Bella... thank you for taking care of me. But... Bella, I want to take Sunshine with us. Will you let her come to Albion with us and be free?""What?" Gwen asked, surprised, "Kimmy.. I don't.. ""No," Bella said sharply, "Sunshine is my best friend. She's been my best friend for years, I can't just let her go... ""Bella," I said softly, "Please... " I couldn't say it out loud, I couldn't say that I loved Sunshine. That I was in love with Sunshine, that I wanted to be with her."No Daisy! It's bad enough that I'm losing you, I can't lose her too. I'd be so lonely... ""Gwen, help.. " I pleaded, I loved Sunshine..."I'm sorry Kimmy, we can't make her give up her Little," Gwen frowned."But she's not even treated like a Little, she's a kitty, they changed her body, they added a tail to her! I.. I love her.""I love her too, Da.. Kimmy. I love her so much, and she's happy with me. Don't you think she's happy? She doesn't know how to be a Little, she's my Sunshine... "She was right. Sunshine would probably have a hard time adjusting to life as a Little, who knew how long it had been since she'd walked or talked, and I'm sure she wouldn't want to get her beautiful tail removed. She did seemed to love her tail... I was a little heartbroken, but I nodded. I wasn't even going to get to say goodbye.. would I ever know if she loved me the same way I loved her?It was at that point that I realized I was actually wearing clothes. I had on a hospital gown of some kind.. it felt scratchy on my skin after being naked for so long. I snuggled into Gwen's strong arms."I missed you, Gwen.""I missed you too, Kimmy."--Parting with Bella was not that hard, I resented her for keeping Sunshine. The world felt a little darker without her, she hadn't left my side in weeks.. but I wasn't sad to see Catalon shrink away as the plane took off. We had been in the hospital for another two days. I was still addicted to the milk, they didn't think my system could take breaking that chemical dependency yet, not in my weakened state. So we were taking off for Albion, ears on my head, a suitcase full of formula that included the same drug that was in the milk. Catalon had definitely left its mark on me. I was looking forward to being back home with April. I was even looking forward to my crib. But I wished desperately that Sunshine was coming with me.Gwen had explained that she had sold her motorcycle and her house to finance finding me, there were detectives involved and everything.. they had a pretty good idea where I was but no idea how to retrieve me, until Nanny called the Albion Embassy to report me. Gwen was already in the area by then and she helped rush me to the hospital. I felt bad that Gwen had sacrificed so much for me. She was actually pretty grumpy with April that she hadn't just asked if I could stay with her in the first place. It all seemed so silly in hindsight. Gwen was moving in with April and the three of us were going to be a family.When we landed, April was waiting for us as soon as we were off the plane and I got the biggest hug of my life."Kimmy, I thought I was never going to see you again, I was so scared. I'm so sorry I ever took you to Catalon, sweetie. I'm so, so sorry for everything that happened to you.""It's okay, mommy. I'm okay. Everything is going to be fine. I am so glad to be home," I said softly to her, trying to comfort her. "We'll never be apart again.""What did they do to you, my sweet Kimmy?" she asked, staring at my ears."I have kitty ears!" I declared happily and wiggled them, "Aren't they cute?" Neither Gwen nor April could keep from laughing. "Go ahead, touch them. They're so soft, and it feels so good when people touch them." April reached up tentatively and caressed one of my ears, which made me let out a low mmmmmmm... but no purr came forth. It was strange that I was actually sad about that. "I don't know how it works, but the collar makes pettings feel so good... like the world's gentlest massage. I'm... I think I want to keep them, is that okay?""I don't know," April frowned, "We should talk to a doctor about it... I'd hate to find out it had other side-effects. But if it's safe and you like them, yes. I love you no matter what, kitty ears aren't going to change that." The airport personnel were starting to get annoyed with us, so we headed to the car. Gwen took the driver's seat and April sat in the back with me. It felt good to be in the familiar seat, buckled in and safe. April fed me a bottle of the drugged formula with a frown, she wanted me off the addictive substance as soon as possible. Having April in the back with me was really nice. It felt good to be close to her.When we got home it was... well, it was like coming home after a long journey. Gwen set me down on my feet and I took shaky steps into the house. I hadn't walked at all in weeks and my legs were wobbly. They were very patient and held my hands, my whole hand wrapped around one Amazon finger. It was good to be home. It felt safe, welcoming."Mommy, may I take a nap?" I asked, I felt tired from the travel."Of course, sweetie." April smiled and scooped me up, changing me into a nighttime diaper and a nightie before laying me down in the crib. She stood by the bedside, the rails still lowered. "Oh, one moment. I have something in my room you'll want." She disappeared for a moment and came back with..."Harry Otter!" I was overjoyed to see my stuffed friend. I held my arms open, welcoming him."Harry's been keeping me company at night, he never let me give up hope that we'd find you." It was then that I realized how gaunt and drawn April looked. She had been worried literally sick about me, I felt bad."I'm glad Harry's sleep spells worked on you, mommy. I'm glad to see him again. You can sleep with him if you want," I offered him back to April."No sweetie, I'm not going to sleep right now. I'm going to go talk with Gwen about everything that went on. You have a nice nap, we're going out to celebrate tonight. How does sushi with Lisa and Melanie sound?""It sounds wonderful... but I haven't eaten solid food in weeks, will I be okay?""We'll take it slowly, sweetheart. You don't have to eat anything you don't want to.""I would like to see Lisa and Melanie," I smiled, pulling the blankets up over me and snuggling Harry. "Mommy.. may I have my paci?" I had gotten used to sleeping with something in my mouth.. life actually felt strange without the mask."Of course, sweetie," she smiled. She reached back... and pulled my paci from around her neck. She had been wearing it on a necklace. "Here you go, my Kimmy. I am so glad to have you home." She slipped the paci between my lips, and I slipped off to dreamland.