Getting Surgery in Mexico

[superabsorbantpolymer]

1 hour ago, Diapered Dave said:

 

Sorry for the million questions.. But I'm pretty sure most of the folks following your journey have the same questions in mind...  😁

Thanks I wanted to ask a lot of the same questions haha. I'm really surprised he couldn't tell you had the external sphincter operated on. Maybe what he thought was the sphincter (a seemingly closed bit of the urethra right before the prostate) was actually a stricture/blockage? Or maybe what remains of the sphincter is inflamed, causing the shutness. Either way time will tell, good to hear it's all generally healing well tho.

 

Regarding embarrassment being diapered. Yesterday I went to the doctor's office for my possible UTI, I have been diapered non stop for months. I didn't have the courage to diaper for what might entail a prostate exam. So I wore an extra absorbent male guard. But I chickened out at the last minute and took it off. He didn't end up doing the prostate exam but he felt my balls etc and said it at looked ok. When I went to the toilet to diaper up immediately after, I noticed there was SAP balls stuck on my leg hair right where he had rubbed it to test the reflex where your balls come up. IDK if he noticed, but I also have marks on my skin from the leg guards and my skin is kinda leathery/shriveled from constantly being soaked in pee. So he may have wondered about that but didn't say anything. 

You no longer get to 'chicken out' in those situations. That's amazing. 

As an aside, the clinic was quite fancy and had every size of baby diaper free in the toilet. That would have been a gold mine when I was a kid and small enough to fit into them. I took a few home to enjoy the aesthetics (my insurance paid them several hundred for me to pee in a cup so I don't feel bad).

[Little Sherri]

1 hour ago, superabsorbantpolymer said:

You no longer get to 'chicken out' in those situations. That's amazing. 

I had my "I can't get out of this" moment at a doctor's office last summer, when I had an appointment with a urologist at a downtown teaching hospital. It was my first visit there, and I had no idea what to expect - but, you, uh, put your finger on it, @superabsorbantpolymer - the first thing the guy wanted to do was a prostate exam, and with a resident as an audience. I had chickened out on wearing a full-on diaper to the appointment, but I was in one of those abysmal Depends man-Goodnites, having put it on in the bathroom before going into the waiting room. So when the guy said, okay, lets get those pants off and can I get you up on the examination table, I had no choice but to take down my jeans and pull-up, right in front of them, and climb on up onto the table. He then jammed his finger in a place I've never really had anything jammed before, but, interestingly, he made not one comment on the pull-up. That's not what I was there for - it was related to something endocrine in nature - and so, that was completely off his radar, basically. 

Not that my story in any way compares to what @Reddy will be dealing with over the next little while, as he hopefully realizes his dream of living in the land of unconscious dribbling, but, when you told your story, I felt compelled to throw mine in. A lot of doctors work in silos - if it's not what you're complaining about, they ignore it. 

[Diapered Dave]

9 hours ago, Reddy said:

He said the scraping that was done looks great, but the tissues are still healing and might have inflammation.

Just googling around for inflammation remedies, I found several places that recommended   nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medications such as ibuprofen and acetaminophen. Of course, you don't want to over-due it with these, because to much can cause problems with your liver and / or stomach.

[cathdiap]

12 hours ago, Reddy said:

He didn't really comment on that, other than to say even if he thought there was something in that area, he wouldn't want to go close to it because "that's where the external sphincter is, and if we damage that in any way you can become grossly incontinent." 

Strange to make such a comment to someone who showed up to the appointment in a diaper and also peed on his exam table. But at the same time a nice confirmation of your future in diapers

14 hours ago, Reddy said:

I don't really want to deal with the fact that I'm wearing a diaper, idk why suddenly it's really embarrassing me. 

Because incontinence is embarrassing, for everyone, everywhere. That is why we want children to be toilet trained and why we have diapers to hide this. Wearing diapers under clothes is one thing, but knowing that you are exposing yourself to someone else in just a (wet) diaper is a completely different story. It is a tough confrontation if you have to show someone that you have a serious disability that almost no one wants to see.

12 hours ago, Reddy said:

So, I am happy he doesn't see a stricture, but I don't know what is wrong and why I can't pee.  I am a little hopeful that maybe it's just tissue inflammation and I'll be peeing freely soon.

I only eat meat and fat. It is the best diet to reduce all inflammation in the body. Every time I deviate from it, by eating carbohydrates, my stent starts to become more noticeable. 

I hope you will soon be incontinent all the time. Blockages must be frustrating. 

[DAQ]

15 hours ago, Diapered Dave said:

Just googling around for inflammation remedies, I found several places that recommended   nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medications such as ibuprofen and acetaminophen. Of course, you don't want to over-due it with these, because to much can cause problems with your liver and / or stomach.

Only problem with that is many of those cause blood thinning. Is that a good idea while still recovering/bleeding?

[Diapered Dave]

On 3/13/2024 at 4:15 PM, Reddy said:

He didn't really comment on that, other than to say even if he thought there was something in that area, he wouldn't want to go close to it because "that's where the external sphincter is, and if we damage that in any way you can become grossly incontinent."

I was intrigued that the urologist said "grossly incontinent", so I Googled it... Here's what I found on a medical site that discusses incontinence:

"Gross total incontinence is characterized by constant leaking from the bladder. It may occur in individuals whose anatomy developed differently, or it can be brought on by a nerve-related injury or a large opening in the bladder. Leakage occurs because the bladder loses the ability to store urine and function properly."

Reddy... Does that sound familiar?  

[superabsorbantpolymer]

I wonder if @Reddy or @BrownBobby or others who've had this procedure can answer. When they incise your sphincter they make it not water tight but they can't/don't take all of the surrounding pevlic floor muscles, is it at all possible for you to clench to slow or the stream at all (that is, when you have a stream)? When you have a catheter in, and you do a kegel does it feel like you are "grasping" the tube like before the operation? When you try to move those muscles does anything move/feel like it's doing something? 

Not that you guys have a desire to do so, but considering how resilient the body is, I wonder if you did intense kegels and pelvic physical therapy if you might be able to regain some (probably impaired) continence. Physical therapy often involves building auxiliary muscles up to compensate for missing/damaged parts of the body. (Personally I'd like to read a story, true or fictional, of someone that tries to do that. It would be very exciting to try to stay dry but find you can only struggle to get a very limited range).

 Your prostate will continue to grow with age so that aspect of inducing incontinence will reverse itself. I wonder if you are truly irreparably incontinent?

Did I just introduce a completely different "nay sayer" argument? Obviously that debate has been hashed out ad nauseum I'm not trying to reignite it! 

Hope you had a good leaky week reddy! How have you been settling into your routine as a "grossly" incontinent active young professional 😉

[superabsorbantpolymer]

On 2/16/2024 at 8:13 PM, BrownBobby said:

No, I don't constantly dribble.  Part of that was developing a stricture, but part of it is just as someone said earlier in the thread - there's so many things that affect your ability to hold it.  All a surgery like this does is get rid of a lot of the consciously-controlled ones.

Case in point, if I have to mess, I'll start holding urine, just because the pelvic floor is trying to hold things in.  But...the moment I do anything to relax my pelvic floor, it comes out.  Messing, laughing, even getting distracted for too long...and, as a fun benefit, it's become very uncomfortable to hold back from messing for any length of time.  I do rather enjoy that as an unintended side effect - I *can* control when I mess, as long as I'm willing to pay the price...:-p

Ok I see @BobbyBrown answered that here. To me that sounds so amazing. Much better than constant dribbling. Although obviously people's desires differ. 

[Jeanette64]

Hi!

Jeanette is my new girls name as I´m in transit from man to girl. I used to be John64

 

 

[superabsorbantpolymer]

1 hour ago, Jeanette64 said:

Hi!

Jeanette is my new girls name as I´m in transit from man to girl. I used to be John64

 

 

Maybe you could get a 2 for 1 deal SRS/incontinence surgery at the clinic in Mexico 😜

Congrats on coming out!

[Reddy]

On 3/13/2024 at 4:36 PM, Diapered Dave said:

I don't want to sound like Captain Obvious, but I think you may be in diapers for quite a while...  😁😁

 

Ok.... We need details!!  You said you went there diapered. What brand of diaper?  Was your diaper very wet when the doctor examined you? Did you bring a spare diaper, or did you have to wear the wet diaper home? (Hey, this IS the incontinence forum - You can't just tease us !!)  😁😂🤣😆

 

Did he recommend wearing a catheter for a while, until things heal more?

 

Did he ask where you had the operation done? What did you tell him about your medical records??

 

So he couldn't tell the external sphincter was cut? ( It was cut, wasn't it? )

Sorry for the million questions.. But I'm pretty sure most of the folks following your journey have the same questions in mind...  😁

I wore a Northshore Supreme plastic backed (white) diaper.  He actually never examined me at all.  The nurses did all of that.  The only time he touched me was when I was already prepped and he put the cystoscope in me.

He didn't recommend a catheter but gave me a bunch of coude tip catheters for in case I continued to be blocked.

He asked a lot about the operation.  He wants the medical records, asked where it was, and basically called the situation weird.  He used the word weird.

He did not notice anything cut in the external sphincter and said everything looked good, and his comment about that area being sensitive to causing incontinence made me think he assumed I wasn't already impacted there at all.

On 3/14/2024 at 12:39 AM, Diapered Dave said:

Just googling around for inflammation remedies, I found several places that recommended   nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medications such as ibuprofen and acetaminophen. Of course, you don't want to over-due it with these, because to much can cause problems with your liver and / or stomach.

I took ibuprofen sometimes for this reason, along with other supplements, although I had to wait a bit after the surgery before using ibuprofen due to the bleeding risk.  I think it helped, but everything has been so much in flux it's hard to tell what caused which changes.  But it didn't hurt.

On 3/14/2024 at 3:18 AM, cathdiap said:

Strange to make such a comment to someone who showed up to the appointment in a diaper and also peed on his exam table. But at the same time a nice confirmation of your future in diapers

Because incontinence is embarrassing, for everyone, everywhere. That is why we want children to be toilet trained and why we have diapers to hide this. Wearing diapers under clothes is one thing, but knowing that you are exposing yourself to someone else in just a (wet) diaper is a completely different story. It is a tough confrontation if you have to show someone that you have a serious disability that almost no one wants to see.

I only eat meat and fat. It is the best diet to reduce all inflammation in the body. Every time I deviate from it, by eating carbohydrates, my stent starts to become more noticeable. 

I hope you will soon be incontinent all the time. Blockages must be frustrating. 

Thank you, I'm hoping for better days ahead.

Yes, it was odd for him to comment that way.  But the thing is he didn't know I was diapered at all, because I wasn't undressed when I was with him, he didn't ask, and only the nurses performed ultrasound and cystoscopy prep, so he didn't really see me other than being clothed and being prepped under under towels/sheets.  It's just surprising that something like that could go unnoticed, but it did.

On 3/14/2024 at 3:52 PM, DAQ said:

Only problem with that is many of those cause blood thinning. Is that a good idea while still recovering/bleeding?

Aspirin is a big no for that reason.  The good thing about ibuprofen is the blood thinning effects are reversible, but aspirin irreversibly affects existing platelets (so you need an entire new batch of platelets to lose the effect - at least a week)

On 3/14/2024 at 7:30 PM, Diapered Dave said:

I was intrigued that the urologist said "grossly incontinent", so I Googled it... Here's what I found on a medical site that discusses incontinence:

"Gross total incontinence is characterized by constant leaking from the bladder. It may occur in individuals whose anatomy developed differently, or it can be brought on by a nerve-related injury or a large opening in the bladder. Leakage occurs because the bladder loses the ability to store urine and function properly."

Reddy... Does that sound familiar?  

Ha!  I wish I had that.  I hope I do.

On 3/15/2024 at 6:21 PM, superabsorbantpolymer said:

I wonder if @Reddy or @BrownBobby or others who've had this procedure can answer. When they incise your sphincter they make it not water tight but they can't/don't take all of the surrounding pevlic floor muscles, is it at all possible for you to clench to slow or the stream at all (that is, when you have a stream)? When you have a catheter in, and you do a kegel does it feel like you are "grasping" the tube like before the operation? When you try to move those muscles does anything move/feel like it's doing something? 

Not that you guys have a desire to do so, but considering how resilient the body is, I wonder if you did intense kegels and pelvic physical therapy if you might be able to regain some (probably impaired) continence. Physical therapy often involves building auxiliary muscles up to compensate for missing/damaged parts of the body. (Personally I'd like to read a story, true or fictional, of someone that tries to do that. It would be very exciting to try to stay dry but find you can only struggle to get a very limited range).

 Your prostate will continue to grow with age so that aspect of inducing incontinence will reverse itself. I wonder if you are truly irreparably incontinent?

Did I just introduce a completely different "nay sayer" argument? Obviously that debate has been hashed out ad nauseum I'm not trying to reignite it! 

Hope you had a good leaky week reddy! How have you been settling into your routine as a "grossly" incontinent active young professional 😉

Yes, I can feel the pelvic floor hugging the catheter.  And currently if peeing, I can stop it by clenching.

[Reddy]

General update:

The blockages have been really annoying.  I never really had a honeymoon period of being incontinent and then having it ruined by a stricture.  From day 2 after my catheter came out, I've been dealing with blockages on and off.  It's not painful blockages, the way I hear strictures are, it's just distressing and eventually very uncomfortable and scary when you can't pee.  I don't like having to insert a catheter just to urinate as a way of life.

The good news is, I am on day four of not needing to use any catheter in order to pee.  It feels like a record.  I think it is a record since the surgery.  Since blockage is what I had my recent appointment for and has been my main concern lately, this is great.

However, I don't feel incontinent.  It's Sunday evening, and I haven't worn a diaper since I was at work on Friday.  I haven't needed to.  When I feel I need to pee, I eventually get up and go to the bathroom, wait for my bladder to cooperate, and eventually I get a stream.  If I want to stop peeing I just clench a little bit.  Then I can resume.  I haven't had any close calls, haven't been dripping, and have just used the toilet as normal a few times a day.

I feel like I healed from a surgery that didn't make me incontinent.

An ideal scenario would be for swelling to continue to go down, and for this to result in more free flowing urine that I'm not able to control.  It just doesn't feel anything like that at the moment.  I feel just about normal.

I might switch to pull ups at work, so as to still be protected but to be able to try to use the bathroom to pee as needed.  Eventually if my continence stays at this level I will probably just stop wearing diapers.

But then I will want to go back to Mexico again as soon as possible for another surgery.

[Craisler]

Sorry to hear things haven’t worked out as you had hoped.  I was really hoping the surgery would have helped you achieve your desires as I’ve had the same desires for a very long time. 

[Reddy]

Just now, Craisler said:

Sorry to hear things haven’t worked out as you had hoped.  I was really hoping the surgery would have helped you achieve your desires as I’ve had the same desires for a very long time. 

Thanks, yeah right now it just doesn't seem like it.  I'll give it a few weeks before I call it over.  But right now I'm just not incontinent 🤷‍♂️

[BrownBobby]

This can happen, as I'm sure the doctor mentioned - a revision might be necessary, especially if the original procedure didn't heal in the fully open position (by dumb luck or a catheter issue).  My first procedure didn't take either - I suspect partially because my catheter had to be removed early due to recurring blockages.  

I think this is a fair thing to highlight with this surgery as well - it by far isn't a guarantee it will work, especially the first time.  It comes with a whole list of risks that any major surgical procedure does, but especially one that involves the urinary tract. You're basically inflicting a lifetime of trauma on those muscles artificially, and hoping it's enough to make them incompetent at holding anything anymore. 

I'm comfortable where I ended up - maybe not a full time dribbler, but confident I couldn't go any length of time without a diaper unless I wanted to risk very embarrassing accidents.  To anyone reading this and considering surgery - I'd recommend trying out other things first - full-time diaper usage, hypnosis, catheters, etc. - if only because it helps in the event the surgery doesn't take.  Knowing how to cath myself has made things much easier, and having used hypnosis to help accept these life changes has been very reassuring and validating.

Here's hoping it is just swelling, @Reddy - but if it isn't, there's still plenty of options, including Round 2.

[Reddy]

Yeap, in my case, we'll see what happens over the next week and beyond.  And in the worst case, I'll just start making plans for my next trip to Mexico. ✈️

[superabsorbantpolymer]

What happens if you just wear normal underwear and ignore the need to pee for a bit reddy? Would you pee your pants if you were stuck standing on a train or something for an hour? You have some control/range but you have also done a lot of damage. It would be interesting to go out in public away from toilets and see if you can actually stay dry.

[Reddy]

7 minutes ago, superabsorbantpolymer said:

What happens if you just wear normal underwear and ignore the need to pee for a bit reddy? Would you pee your pants if you were stuck standing on a train or something for an hour? You have some control/range but you have also done a lot of damage. It would be interesting to go out in public away from toilets and see if you can actually stay dry.

Yeah, I should probably do some long range testing outside of just my apartment.  It could be that I would not last so long while out and about.  I'll want to test that.

All the same, if I stay as continent as I have been this weekend, I'll want to go for round 2, for sure.

[Diapered Dave]

10 minutes ago, BrownBobby said:

This can happen, as I'm sure the doctor mentioned - a revision might be necessary, especially if the original procedure didn't heal in the fully open position (by dumb luck or a catheter issue).  My first procedure didn't take either - I suspect partially because my catheter had to be removed early due to recurring blockages.  

From your experience, and Reddy's, I wonder if the long term results would be better if they just left the post-surgery catheter in longer, like 10 days, instead of 5. Seems like things would have a better chance of "Healing in an open position..."

[PuraVidaDip]

3 hours ago, BrownBobby said:

This can happen, as I'm sure the doctor mentioned - a revision might be necessary, especially if the original procedure didn't heal in the fully open position (by dumb luck or a catheter issue).  My first procedure didn't take either - I suspect partially because my catheter had to be removed early due to recurring blockages.  

I think this is a fair thing to highlight with this surgery as well - it by far isn't a guarantee it will work, especially the first time.  It comes with a whole list of risks that any major surgical procedure does, but especially one that involves the urinary tract. You're basically inflicting a lifetime of trauma on those muscles artificially, and hoping it's enough to make them incompetent at holding anything anymore. 

I'm comfortable where I ended up - maybe not a full time dribbler, but confident I couldn't go any length of time without a diaper unless I wanted to risk very embarrassing accidents.  To anyone reading this and considering surgery - I'd recommend trying out other things first - full-time diaper usage, hypnosis, catheters, etc. - if only because it helps in the event the surgery doesn't take.  Knowing how to cath myself has made things much easier, and having used hypnosis to help accept these life changes has been very reassuring and validating.

Here's hoping it is just swelling, @Reddy - but if it isn't, there's still plenty of options, including Round 2.

What hypnosis did you use? 

[jeremy12312]

13 hours ago, Reddy said:

He asked a lot about the operation.  He wants the medical records, asked where it was, and basically called the situation weird.  He used the word weird.

 

Yeah, this is the situation I was trying to talk about pre-surgery, when I was accused of negative nelliness. I wasn’t against the surgery, I was against your cover story that tried to make it sound like a “legitimate” operation, because to a urologist your story doesn’t make a lot of sense. 

I truly hope this all gets sorted out for you soon.  I generally live by a “don’t lie to medical professionals” rule, since if you don’t give them all the pertinent info, their diagnoses and treatments will go down the wrong path.  

And that might mean you’re getting good tacos in Guadalajara after routine urology appointments at some point in time.

[Diapered Dave]

2 hours ago, jeremy12312 said:

And that might mean you’re getting good tacos in Guadalajara after routine urology appointments at some point in time.

On the other hand, some bad tacos at Taco Bell might give him a different kind of incontinence... 😆😆

[Reddy]

Another update:

I checked with Dr. Ivan and let him know my blockages are gone but that I'm not incontinent.  I said I think I will need the follow-up procedure.

He said yes I will.  Just that it needs to wait 3 months.

So as discussed I reached out to Paris and asked her for the scheduling availability for my follow up surgery.

It looks like I may have another countdown on my hands soon 😄✈️

[superabsorbantpolymer]

Wow, I admire your persistence 😅 will there be an additional cost for the revision? Or is it included in the original price?

(Initiate naysayer level #2)

Consider this: you survived the first operation unscathed (i.e. no strictures or other serious unwanted side effects). You likely have less control than you realize, and probably would see results of you initiated diaper training/extended cathing. You could work towards destroying whatever remaining control you have that way, and save additional costs and risks. (But I already know that isn't enough for you. Not trying to convince you otherwise.)

[Jeanette64]

17 hours ago, Reddy said:

Yeah, I should probably do some long range testing outside of just my apartment.  It could be that I would not last so long while out and about.  I'll want to test that.

All the same, if I stay as continent as I have been this weekend, I'll want to go for round 2, for sure.

Maybe a larger amount of water for the outing would help?