Do you have any tips or tricks on keeping your pelvic floor as relaxed as possible at all times?

[Hannah YMS]

I've been untraining now going on 2 years and 7 months. I am nowhere near my desired level of incontinence and I think it may have something to do with my inability to keep my pelvic floor relaxed. It seems that everything I do, from standing up, shifting around, walking up and down stairs, heck even walking itself, etc., my pelvic floor is in full-strength mode. From what I can tell, incontinence is likely if your pelvic floor is weak enough, which would mean your two external sphincters (outer urethral sphincter and anal sphincter) would also be weak enough.

I am not sure if my inability to keep my pelvic floor relaxed (mainly when I'm moving my body; while sitting down in my office chair I have no problem with this) has to do with anxiety, stress, or something else.

For further clarification, I can relax when standing still and sometimes I can remain relaxed while peeing and walking, but that seems to be about it.

Does anyone have any tips or tricks towards progress of weakening my pelvic floor? Thanks!

[Goerge]

You haven't been practicing your reverse kegel exercises. Every little pee you have don't clench your sphincter. At first it'll automatically clench shut involunety. Stand still one hour a day while keeping hydrated and practice after every little pee not to clench, then another little pee comes and still no clench.

I got the hang of never clenching my sphincter muscles shut pretty easily, I can wet in little trickles all day. I can even walk up and down the stairs and trickle and dribble.

[Hannah YMS]

Regarding reverse Kegel exercises, I practice them as often as I remember. I also never clench after I wet -- I've avoided clenching after wetting for many years now. That's probably part of my problem though, when I move around my pelvic floor tightens up and probably undoes any weakening I've been consciously performing. When I do wet I'm usually standing or sitting still so I can remain relaxed and make it a point to never clench. In fact, I haven't thought about not clenching for a couple years now since I do it all the time. If that makes any sense.

[MLDK]

Reverse kegels are still sort of mystery to me, how to do them, and the feeling when doing them correctly.

links to sources which have detailed description and easy exercises is highly appreciated 

when I pee, I try to pay attention to the feeling (the openness of my sphincter muscle) while peeing. I can best describe it as a open feeling, but still I’m not sure if even that is correct.

@Georgeyou mention Practicing every day standing up, do you push out slightly to sort of relax your pelvic floor muscles and sphincter muscle?

 

[Cruiser 03]

Get an electric muscle stimulator and a $30 vaginal rectal kegel probe put in your ass with lots of electrode gel . Set it to do about 5 kegel per minute for 40 minutes 2 X’s a day , in about 6 months those muscles will be having drinks on a secluded beach somewhere far far away from you and work .

over doing kegel can be worse then never doing them because your not a machine muscle fatigue becomes part of your ménage a trois along wit her sister Incontinence .

[Goerge]

15 hours ago, MLDK said:

 

@Georgeyou mention Practicing every day standing up, do you push out slightly to sort of relax your pelvic floor muscles and sphincter muscle?.

 

 

No don't push, just relax. During the day when you get a moment just pee, no matter how small it is in your bladder and try and remain totally relaxed.  Eventually you'll get to the stage where you won't involuntary clench. It does take practice but you want to remain relaxed at all time and just pee no matter where you are. You need to learn to pee in all positions. Eventually you'll trinkle and drip in little dribbles without clenching.

[Hannah YMS]

23 hours ago, Cruiser 03 said:

Get an electric muscle stimulator and a $30 vaginal rectal kegel probe put in your ass with lots of electrode gel . Set it to do about 5 kegel per minute for 40 minutes 2 X’s a day , in about 6 months those muscles will be having drinks on a secluded beach somewhere far far away from you and work .

Interesting idea, thanks!

[foreverdl]

On 7/6/2023 at 9:22 PM, Cruiser 03 said:

Get an electric muscle stimulator and a $30 vaginal rectal kegel probe put in your ass with lots of electrode gel . Set it to do about 5 kegel per minute for 40 minutes 2 X’s a day , in about 6 months those muscles will be having drinks on a secluded beach somewhere far far away from you and work .

over doing kegel can be worse then never doing them because your not a machine muscle fatigue becomes part of your ménage a trois along wit her sister Incontinence .

I haven't been able to try this yet I am making up my setup, I do have the big one they used yrs ago at the Chiropractor office . I had to repair it. So it has taken a while, because I have other play plans for it. But I made up a 2 ft pad with the foil tape so I can lay on that and put the probe up inside. I really hope it works. Have you tried to di this yourself ?

[Wet Knight]

Alcohol.

At the risk of becoming an alcoholic, enough to make you feel that you might stumble, but not enough to make you actually fall.

[Hannah YMS]

On 7/13/2023 at 6:59 AM, Wet Knight said:

Alcohol.

At the risk of becoming an alcoholic, enough to make you feel that you might stumble, but not enough to make you actually fall.

I've had my fair share of drunken stupors with a non-zero count of wetting the bed. I did wet myself while I was awake once but I was not wearing a diaper at the time. Not so much that I didn't have control but I've been wearing diapers for so long I had thought I was already wearing. Woops.

[IWANTHOTDOGS]

On 7/6/2023 at 11:22 PM, Cruiser 03 said:

Get an electric muscle stimulator and a $30 vaginal rectal kegel probe put in your ass with lots of electrode gel . Set it to do about 5 kegel per minute for 40 minutes 2 X’s a day , in about 6 months those muscles will be having drinks on a secluded beach somewhere far far away from you and work .

over doing kegel can be worse then never doing them because your not a machine muscle fatigue becomes part of your ménage a trois along wit her sister Incontinence .

Does this force a kegal contraction or just help you along? If this does not a force a kegal, this could be used as a reverse kegal trainer to keep everything relaxed. If one could practice keeping their pelvic floor relaxed while this stimulator is on, that would quickly condition you to resist any automatic clenching.

[Craig]

On 7/6/2023 at 11:22 PM, Cruiser 03 said:

Get an electric muscle stimulator and a $30 vaginal rectal kegel probe put in your ass with lots of electrode gel . Set it to do about 5 kegel per minute for 40 minutes 2 X’s a day , in about 6 months those muscles will be having drinks on a secluded beach somewhere far far away from you and work .

over doing kegel can be worse then never doing them because your not a machine muscle fatigue becomes part of your ménage a trois along wit her sister Incontinence .

I’m a dummy about this stuff. I thought Kegel exercises and those machines were supposed to help cure or reduce incontinence?

[prideful]

you don't really need any fancy tools or alcohol. If you simply just focus on deep breathing in for 4 out for 8. It will help you relax. Personally alcohol does increase my incontinence, but it is still working muscles uncontiously when you do that. I personally smoke weed and feel it has helped me to relax. The thing that really helped me was deep breathing and forcing myself to relax constantly. E.G. stand up. Relax, sit down relax. in the car, relax, drink something, relax. etc. the trick is to asociate certain tasks with wetting yourself. It worked great for me, i constaly am doing one of the few things i meantioned. for example, i will go get a drink after my morning shower and feel my diaper start getting warm. or i'll come home from work change and sit on the couch then feel warmth. just listen to the 12 month program and be patient.

[Bonsai]

Try to punish your bladder each time it fills by not allowing it to let go in a single void as it would enjoy to do.

The way should be to let a short spurt out, then wait at least 30 seconds and then go another spurt. The purpose is to start peeing as many times as possibile, each time just letting out a short spurt.

This will make the muscle walls around your bladder progressively stronger and more stiff, so that the filling capacity of your bladder will be progressively reduced and the urge to go will hit you with more sternght and much earlier than in the past.

[Ivanna P. Friely]

I'm not sure it's reasonable or practical to be expecting these muscles to stay relaxed while you're moving about as that's flexing them. Trying to relax every time you're at rest is easily achievable though, I've done a lot of hypnosis and it's hard to say if that helped or not but I'm pretty relaxed most of the time, sometimes catch myself clenching a little but it's easy to let go again - it seems to be more and more that the default is shifting to the relaxed state and they're definitely weaker. 

I think just relax as much as you can and remind yourself to do it whenever you're at rest. 

[Goerge]

I think many people who desire instant incontience who are in the late teens/early 20s, had the desires for many years. - Like me when was in my early 20s I would of took a bullet in the spine for incontinence!

I do think now I'm in my late 30s - me not taking any dramatic steps and just wearing 24/7 I can wet at the slightest urge, dribble without clenching. I'm showing signs of IC now and my IC becoming progressively worse   I think from wearing 24/7 and wetting at the slightest urge I think I will be bladder incontinent by the time I'm 50, no stopping it - I will be incontinent.

I think many people here on their journey for IC and on remaining sphincter's completely relaxed with find themselves Incontinent when they are older too without even trying.

[IWANTHOTDOGS]

On 10/21/2023 at 1:39 AM, Bonsai said:

Try to punish your bladder each time it fills by not allowing it to let go in a single void as it would enjoy to do.

The way should be to let a short spurt out, then wait at least 30 seconds and then go another spurt. The purpose is to start peeing as many times as possibile, each time just letting out a short spurt.

This will make the muscle walls around your bladder progressively stronger and more stiff, so that the filling capacity of your bladder will be progressively reduced and the urge to go will hit you with more sternght and much earlier than in the past.

So as far as I understand there are 2 ways one can have incontinence: Overly tight pelvic floor (urge incontinence) or overly loose pelvic floor (stress incontinence). The general path us untrainees take is keeping the pelvic floor relaxed in order to achieve a loose pelvic floor, while wearing 24/7. Wearing diapers is mandatory to be able to keep the muscles relaxed otherwise you will keeping leaking periodically.

Your strategy would create urge incontinence by overly tightening the pelvic floor correct? I believe a tight pelvic floor creates pain wherease a weak one does not so I don't know how good of an idea this is. Though it seems this strategy does not require the use of diapers 24/7 as it can be done with a toilet. I would like to get input from those who have tried this method with great success, but almost all of us go the relaxing route since it feels nicer and naturally leads to diaper usage.

So I think both strategies can't be combined since they would counter act each other.

 

On 10/21/2023 at 1:56 PM, Ivanna P. Friely said:

I'm not sure it's reasonable or practical to be expecting these muscles to stay relaxed while you're moving about as that's flexing them. Trying to relax every time you're at rest is easily achievable though, I've done a lot of hypnosis and it's hard to say if that helped or not but I'm pretty relaxed most of the time, sometimes catch myself clenching a little but it's easy to let go again - it seems to be more and more that the default is shifting to the relaxed state and they're definitely weaker. 

I think just relax as much as you can and remind yourself to do it whenever you're at rest. 

Do your muscles still clench while moving, or do you actively have to relax them, or do you not care about relaxing them while moving (squatting, reaching for objects, etc)?

On 10/20/2023 at 1:08 PM, prideful said:

you don't really need any fancy tools or alcohol. If you simply just focus on deep breathing in for 4 out for 8. It will help you relax. Personally alcohol does increase my incontinence, but it is still working muscles uncontiously when you do that. I personally smoke weed and feel it has helped me to relax. The thing that really helped me was deep breathing and forcing myself to relax constantly. E.G. stand up. Relax, sit down relax. in the car, relax, drink something, relax. etc. the trick is to asociate certain tasks with wetting yourself. It worked great for me, i constaly am doing one of the few things i meantioned. for example, i will go get a drink after my morning shower and feel my diaper start getting warm. or i'll come home from work change and sit on the couch then feel warmth. just listen to the 12 month program and be patient.

Do you try to keep your muscles relaxed while moving or doing things? I can keep it relaxed ez pz while I'm sitting/standing/walking slowly, but other movements are harder but I'm thinking maybe its not necessary to be relaxed in those situations to lose significant muscle control.

[prideful]

On 10/24/2023 at 10:20 AM, IWANTHOTDOGS said:

So as far as I understand there are 2 ways one can have incontinence: Overly tight pelvic floor (urge incontinence) or overly loose pelvic floor (stress incontinence). The general path us untrainees take is keeping the pelvic floor relaxed in order to achieve a loose pelvic floor, while wearing 24/7. Wearing diapers is mandatory to be able to keep the muscles relaxed otherwise you will keeping leaking periodically.

Your strategy would create urge incontinence by overly tightening the pelvic floor correct? I believe a tight pelvic floor creates pain wherease a weak one does not so I don't know how good of an idea this is. Though it seems this strategy does not require the use of diapers 24/7 as it can be done with a toilet. I would like to get input from those who have tried this method with great success, but almost all of us go the relaxing route since it feels nicer and naturally leads to diaper usage.

So I think both strategies can't be combined since they would counter act each other.

 

Do your muscles still clench while moving, or do you actively have to relax them, or do you not care about relaxing them while moving (squatting, reaching for objects, etc)?

Do you try to keep your muscles relaxed while moving or doing things? I can keep it relaxed ez pz while I'm sitting/standing/walking slowly, but other movements are harder but I'm thinking maybe its not necessary to be relaxed in those situations to lose significant muscle control.

I think you are right about clenching vs inclenching. I do identify as incontinent anyway but I had oab. The clenching is what I avoid as it triggers painful spasms. 

 

To answer your question, yeah it took a little bit to train my body but I'm pretty much relaxed all the time now. Nowadays if I'm not dribbling, I just notice I'm peeing and I don't remember feeling anything, lol.

[Hannah YMS]

On 10/21/2023 at 12:39 AM, Bonsai said:

Try to punish your bladder each time it fills by not allowing it to let go in a single void as it would enjoy to do.

The way should be to let a short spurt out, then wait at least 30 seconds and then go another spurt. The purpose is to start peeing as many times as possible, each time just letting out a short spurt.

This will make the muscle walls around your bladder progressively stronger and more stiff, so that the filling capacity of your bladder will be progressively reduced and the urge to go will hit you with more strength and much earlier than in the past.

I've heard of this technique before. I am unsure if it'd work. Combined with the fact that I hate feeling like I need to pee, I think it'd send me a lot of mixed signals, lol.

I could try it though. Thanks!

On 10/21/2023 at 12:56 PM, Ivanna P. Friely said:

I'm not sure it's reasonable or practical to be expecting these muscles to stay relaxed while you're moving about as that's flexing them. Trying to relax every time you're at rest is easily achievable though, I've done a lot of hypnosis and it's hard to say if that helped or not but I'm pretty relaxed most of the time, sometimes catch myself clenching a little but it's easy to let go again - it seems to be more and more that the default is shifting to the relaxed state and they're definitely weaker. 

I think just relax as much as you can and remind yourself to do it whenever you're at rest. 

That is my main problem. I read here that people are able to remain relaxed at nearly all times but when I get up out of my chair and move around (I have no issues staying relaxed while seated [and not driving]) these muscles work themselves. I was just wondering if anyone had any good tips for remaining relaxed while moving or doing other things.

On 10/21/2023 at 1:54 PM, Goerge said:

I think many people who desire instant incontience who are in the late teens/early 20s, had the desires for many years. - Like me when was in my early 20s I would of took a bullet in the spine for incontinence!

I do think now I'm in my late 30s - me not taking any dramatic steps and just wearing 24/7 I can wet at the slightest urge, dribble without clenching. I'm showing signs of IC now and my IC becoming progressively worse   I think from wearing 24/7 and wetting at the slightest urge I think I will be bladder incontinent by the time I'm 50, no stopping it - I will be incontinent.

I think many people here on their journey for IC and on remaining sphincter's completely relaxed with find themselves Incontinent when they are older too without even trying.

I have been actively untraining for over 3 years now and I'm showing very little progress (but still, I do have some progress). I'm just sad that it could take 10 or more years to achieve.

On 10/24/2023 at 11:20 AM, IWANTHOTDOGS said:

I would like to get input from those who have tried this method with great success, but almost all of us go the relaxing route since it feels nicer and naturally leads to diaper usage.

Agreed. I would love to hear from anyone with good success using this method.

[Ivanna P. Friely]

For what it's worth, I'm not so sure trying to stay relaxed all the time anymore, I'm focusing more on just letting go at the first urge and I am also starting and stopping like Bonsai mentioned as it seems to be pretty widely reported as a thing that weakens muscles. Definitely leads to incomplete emptying through and potentially worse problems. 

I haven't had the time to write a post about it but I've recently had to go to the doctors about lower back pain that I thought was a UTI after it carried on over a few weeks -  got referred for an ultrasound and blood test after the urine test and external exam found nothing, haven't gone for the final results yet but it seemed to be a mystery reason. That is, until I stopped trying to hold my bladder open, then it went away pretty quickly. I think what was happening is I was losing core strength (and this did coincide with being less active because I was stuck working on a lot of admin), the pelvic floor is part of holding you upright and while I was making good leaky progress I was pretty miserable. 

Edited November 23, 2023 by Ivanna P. Friely
Accidentally posted unfinished

[IWANTHOTDOGS]

12 hours ago, Hannah YMS said:

Agreed. I would love to hear from anyone with good success using this method.

I guess its up to me. I'm gonna try to be committed and really have a go at doing this. I won't be wearing 24/7 but Ill try to do this method of start and stop peeing for 8hrs+ a day.

[Hannah YMS]

5 hours ago, Ivanna P. Friely said:

For what it's worth, I'm not so sure trying to stay relaxed all the time anymore, I'm focusing more on just letting go at the first urge and I am also starting and stopping like Bonsai mentioned as it seems to be pretty widely reported as a thing that weakens muscles. Definitely leads to incomplete emptying through and potentially worse problems. 

I haven't had the time to write a post about it but I've recently had to go to the doctors about lower back pain that I thought was a UTI after it carried on over a few weeks -  got referred for an ultrasound and blood test after the urine test and external exam found nothing, haven't gone for the final results yet but it seemed to be a mystery reason. That is, until I stopped trying to hold my bladder open, then it went away pretty quickly. I think what was happening is I was losing core strength (and this did coincide with being less active because I was stuck working on a lot of admin), the pelvic floor is part of holding you upright and while I was making good leaky progress I was pretty miserable. 

In lieu of trying to stay relaxed all the time, I am actually trying to just "let things happen" as they do, but we all know the cognitive dissonance regarding this. I have no choice but to notice and every time I do I'm reminded of the fact that I'm not incontinent.

Granted, I'm trying to let this process work itself over time but I'm at just over the 3 year mark of active untraining and unfortunately I've got hardly anything to show for it at this point. Others (like @Enthusi) have been successful at this point but others like me have been unsuccessful.