Son came out to his father and I

[Csimmonds]

I found this board in my searches online over the last few weeks and decided this might be the best place 

Our 19 year old son has come out as an ABDL. This is new and I had no clue. I am still coming to terms with it not against it but still a bit shocked.

Trying to learn what it all entails.

How far do I interfere? Do I leave him to do things in private or do I step in a bit? How do we tread the line so he can engage in this but not suffer academically?

[~Brian~]

4 hours ago, Csimmonds said:

I found this board in my searches online over the last few weeks and decided this might be the best place 

Our 19 year old son has come out as an ABDL. This is new and I had no clue. I am still coming to terms with it not against it but still a bit shocked.

Trying to learn what it all entails.

How far do I interfere? Do I leave him to do things in private or do I step in a bit? How do we tread the line so he can engage in this but not suffer academically?

@Csimmonds

First,  welcome to daily diapers! My name is Brian, and I am going to try to help you. My advice is that if your son came out to you and his father about being  an ABDL, The best way to support him is to be there for him, and listening to what he has to say to you. He may want to wear diapers, or use baby equipment such as pacifiers, bottles, etc., and as long as he is doing this and you are allowing him to explore, and there are boundaries set, this should not be an issue. I can tell you from experience, that if someone is either an A.B. or a DL or both, probably the feelings that your son has been dealing with have always been there, and he is “exploring his feelings“ and has decided that he is an ABDL.  

The best thing that I can suggest is that you support him, and allow him to explore himself, as long as he is doing it according to the boundaries you have set. Let him tell you how he feels, and if he needs help from you, or ask you a question, you could support him and tell him that you “love him“ and that you will always be there for him, Etc.

I don’t know how you feel about your son wearing diapers, but I can assure you that if he is wearing them, there is nothing wrong with him doing it. Most of the problem that I see, is the people that are diametrically and wholeheartedly opposed to this, and I can tell you that it is OK if you do not quite understand what is going on. Your son may also be exploring himself, and he may be wondering “why do I feel this way“ or “is this OK“?  The best way to find out how to try to help him, is to ask him questions about how he feels, what he would like to see happen, and then once you do that, you will be in a better position to help him. There are other books online and will talk about what an AB or a DL is, But I must warn you that some of these books and put a negative spin on the lifestyle, or people that may engage in it. The best place to get information regarding this lifestyle, is right here on DD. Ask anyone who is either in continent, a diaper lover, an adult baby, Or who may wear for emotional or other reasons. You will find a plethora of information here, as well as those people who can tell you that there is nothing wrong with being an AB OR DL.   As I said before, if you don’t understand what is going on at this time, that is perfectly fine, because most people may not quite understand it yet. It took me at least 2 to 3 years to fully understand what was going on, and I have been a diaper lover since I was eight years old and I am almost 50. I have friends here that have gone through this, and I know that they are supported by those that love them. You’re not alone in wondering what is going on, but I can assure you that your son doing what he is doing is perfectly natural. As long as he is doing this in the privacy of his own bedroom, or according to your boundaries, there should be no problem. He will have to decide what he wants to do, or how far he wants to go, and he will have to also take care of any responsibilities that he still has, because he is still an adult, and I am sure he is expected to do certain things around the house, and also maintain good grades in school.

There are other people here on DD who can also give you advice. As I said, my advice is just to be there for him, listen to him, and support him as he goes forward on his “journey” I have been on this journey since 2019, and I can tell you from experience that I am glad that I am on this journey, I am glad that I have the friends that I do here, and I am sure that what I have decided to do is the right decision. Please do not hesitate to ask me or any other member here any questions you may have, and we will try to answer them to the best of our ability, based on what we know, or our experiences.

@DailyDi @Evelyn Dellcerro @amorfraldaJR @Transfusionelle have I missed anything?

Brian
 

 

[vvp39]

I think it might be a good idea to introduce him to this site - that is if he isn't already a member. I say this because if he didn't know that there are quite a few other folks who are also abdl he might feel odd or weird about himself. If he has a chance to interact with other abdl's he'll learn that he is part of a group and not some outlier. Also he'd learn that no two of us are quite the same in our exact likes and dislikes, or in how we deal with them relative to the rest of our lives.

[~Brian~]

13 hours ago, vvp39 said:

I think it might be a good idea to introduce him to this site - that is if he isn't already a member. I say this because if he didn't know that there are quite a few other folks who are also abdl he might feel odd or weird about himself. If he has a chance to interact with other abdl's he'll learn that he is part of a group and not some outlier. Also he'd learn that no two of us are quite the same in our exact likes and dislikes, or in how we deal with them relative to the rest of our lives.

@vvp39 @Csimmonds

This  is an awesome idea and I wish I would’ve thought of it myself: I basically start it out the way I normally would, but neglected to say that maybe he should join the site. There are a lot of us that are diaper wears, and there are many reasons for wearing diapers, and I am sure that your son would end up gaining a lot of information if he was to become a member here. Do not be afraid to ask questions, and do not be afraid to question something if you do not understand it. The way to understanding is to question what you are feeling and why. The trick is that eventually, you will get to an understanding that you will be able to deal with, but it’s not something that you will be able to have overnight. 

also, it is important that you not Be upset with him because of what he has revealed. As I have said before, he is probably searching for a way to deal with what he is trying to deal with, and the best thing that you can do is support him. DD is also a good place to get information, and either of you can ask questions of our user base.

Brian
 

 

[Evelyn Dellcerro]

I havent written here in forever !!  Let me introduce myself @Csimmonds.. I am Evelyn, and have been here for about 3 years. I've made many friends here, and I know exactly what you are going through. My nephew now 19 as well has been a DL since the age of 14. I myself have been a DL for 43 years. My reason for being DL is purely sexual, and I found this out at the young age of 13. I couldnt express this to my parents in 1978. You are 50 and you know what would have happened if I told my parents. I would have been locked up in some asylum and forced to take some good mind altering drugs. I kept it a secret and still do from my mother which is now 81 years old. You say that youre trying to learn what it all entails. That is a very positive attitude and I commend you.. He is your son and as a parent we do our best to understand. I dont know how far he has gotten into this fetish (if he is into bottles, pacifiers, plastic pants, wetting, pooping, toys) See ABDL is just the other side of me. I am into the pleasure the diaper brings me when I poop (being honest) My nephew is in college, and doing great. Quick story so you understand. I adopted my nephew at age 13 because his father kicked him out of his house because he came out as gay. I love my brother, but I hate what he did. So my nephew under my and my partners care went from failing his grades to a straight A student and skipped a grade. I make sure he is always doing well. What I would recommend is that you sit with your son and have a long, and I mean long talk. Dont be scared to ask him any questions. If you love your son you will listen to his every word. Listen from your heart. Please dont judge him, I dont know what part of the US you are from, but sit outside in your yard and just talk. You did mention that you are married, and I would expect you to discuss this with your wife also. I will be honest with you many youths go through the binge and purge cycle. They think of themselves as not normal, or a freak and they will stop cold turkey, just to realise that this fetish will pull them back in. I wore diapers all through high school and college, and no one ever asked, and I never told anyone but a close friend. Lets just say I was married to a lovely man for 25 years and he didnt like that I wore diapers but he accepted it. I lost him in 2012 to war. I remarried 8 years later to a person that was on my level being a diaper lover for 20 years himself. Just listen to your heart and be there for your son is all that I can tell you. Unconditional love I have been preaching all my life. Love cures all if you just open your heart. I have said enough for now and thanks @~Brian~ for bringing this to me. I will be getting on more often now that I am on vacation until Jan 4th. Hugs and kisses to everyone and I am glad I could be any help..

[kasarberang]

If my mom knew about me being an ABDL while I lived at home, I'd be super embarrassed. Letting him know you still love and care for him and support him is important, but in general, I'd leave him to his own devices, leaving yourself open as someone he can talk to about things. I think introducing him to this site would be a good step, but even just being blunt and outright telling him that you love and support him in this and are there for him would probably mean a lot.

[Little Cub Pants]

On 12/23/2021 at 4:43 AM, Csimmonds said:

I found this board in my searches online over the last few weeks and decided this might be the best place 

Our 19 year old son has come out as an ABDL. This is new and I had no clue. I am still coming to terms with it not against it but still a bit shocked.

Trying to learn what it all entails.

How far do I interfere? Do I leave him to do things in private or do I step in a bit? How do we tread the line so he can engage in this but not suffer academically?

Please put your son on here! I'd love to talk with him. What's his little age? What baby stuff does he like?? It's always great to have another baby in the family!???☺️??❤️??????❤️? Give your son a big hug for me!?❤️☺️???❤️? LOL!????

[~Brian~]

9 hours ago, Evelyn Dellcerro said:

thanks @~Brian~ for bringing this to me. 

@Evelyn Dellcerro

you’re welcome my dear! I knew that if I tagged you on this one, that it would be a perfect match.  Who better to answer this question as well as myself than one who also “lives it every day“. I’m glad that you are going to now be able to enjoy your vacation until January 4. My next appointment with the orthopedist is January 3, and I will keep you advised as to what happens during that appointment. Yesterday, they ended up doing a nerve study on my arm, and the doctor was very very good at what he does, and I learned a lot of things about electricity in the way it works in your body. I also had him shock me with this thing that look like a Floss threader, and he could use a computer to activate the shock to determine what my body was going to do and how it would react. He told me that he thinks there are two things going on, that I have somehow done something to the nerve by irritating it, and also❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️ that there may be a problem at C6 and C7.

Love always ?❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️?

1 hour ago, BabySpiderBoy said:

Please put your son on here! I'd love to talk with him. What's his little age? What baby stuff does he like?? It's always great to have another baby in the family!???☺️??❤️??????❤️? Give your son a big hug for me!?❤️☺️???❤️? LOL!????

@BabySpiderBoy
 

Some of these questions that you’re asking are best left to her son if and when he comes on the system. I am not sure that his parents understand what is going on yet, so asking about his “little age” And other questions are best left for a later time. ???
 

?

Brian

Edited December 24, 2021 by ~Brian~
Removed the automerge

[Little Cub Pants]

3 hours ago, ~Brian~ said:

@Evelyn Dellcerro

you’re welcome my dear! I knew that if I tagged you on this one, that it would be a perfect match.  Who better to answer this question as well as myself than one who also “lives it every day“. I’m glad that you are going to now be able to enjoy your vacation until January 4. My next appointment with the orthopedist is January 3, and I will keep you advised as to what happens during that appointment. Yesterday, they ended up doing a nerve study on my arm, and the doctor was very very good at what he does, and I learned a lot of things about electricity in the way it works in your body. I also had him shock me with this thing that look like a Floss threader, and he could use a computer to activate the shock to determine what my body was going to do and how it would react. He told me that he thinks there are two things going on, that I have somehow done something to the nerve by irritating it, and also❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️ that there may be a problem at C6 and C7.

Love always ?❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️?

@BabySpiderBoy
 

Some of these questions that you’re asking are best left to her son if and when he comes on the system. I am not sure that his parents understand what is going on yet, so asking about his “little age” And other questions are best left for a later time. ???
 

?

Brian

Do you know if he's on here Brian?!?? Do you know what his username is??

[~Brian~]

14 minutes ago, BabySpiderBoy said:

Do you know if he's on here Brian?!?? Do you know what his username is??

@BabySpiderBoy @Evelyn Dellcerro

no we do not know what his username is: @vvp39 “suggested” that @Csimmonds show her son this site. If and when she does, and he decides to join, I am sure that we will then know what his username is, should he decide to join us.

Brian

[Little Cub Pants]

7 minutes ago, ~Brian~ said:

@BabySpiderBoy @Evelyn Dellcerro

no we do not know what his username is: @vvp39 “suggested” that @Csimmonds show her son this site. If and when she does, and he decides to join, I am sure that we will then know what his username is, should he decide to join us.

Brian

Well, that's good news buddy!??☺️???

[Alex Bridges]

On 12/23/2021 at 4:43 AM, Csimmonds said:

I found this board in my searches online over the last few weeks and decided this might be the best place 

Our 19 year old son has come out as an ABDL. This is new and I had no clue. I am still coming to terms with it not against it but still a bit shocked.

Trying to learn what it all entails.

How far do I interfere? Do I leave him to do things in private or do I step in a bit? How do we tread the line so he can engage in this but not suffer academically?

Hi there. Sorry some of our members got a little too excited. Hope they didn't scare you away.

First thing to understand: this isn't about children. It's an activity for consenting adults. Don't worry he's interested in minors.

On what you actually asked? Unless you son is asking for your help or involvement, or showing signs he needs help (and simply being ABDL is not a sign), you really don't need to learn anything about ABDL at all. Your son is an adult, and this is a pretty private matter. If he were into a fetish that was more common, I doubt you'd be keen to learn more or interfere. ABDL is just about the safest thing he could be into. While his friends are out doing reckless young man things, your son will be content to stay home, watch cartoons, and draw pictures. It's actually kind of awesome that the big box of crayons can make an adult super happy. Big picture: you don't need to be anymore involved in this aspect of his life than with his dating life. When he's out on his own, this should really be a non-issue. There won't be a reason for you ever to discuss it again unless he wants to. Most ABDLs never discuss this with family ever.

About interfering, I don't think you should interfere at all. What objective would you be trying to achieve by interfering? He will never not be ABDL. It may wax and wane, but fetishes don't go away. If anything, he'll probably just develop more over time. As for his academics, there's no reason this should interfere with those anymore than other interests, and actually reasons why it would be harder for it to become an issue (he can wear his little clothes while still doing his homework, right?). The greater risk is it will interfere with his social and dating life, and only he can learn to balance his ABDL time with still seeing friends and doing all the normal things people his age do. As for dating, it's complicated for ABDLs, but you can't solve that for him.

What I DO think you should do is two things. First and most importantly, make sure he knows you love him.

Second, agree on boundaries: what you will and won't do, and what he will and won't do. A good starting point is this is an adult matter, he's an adult; he should not seek your involvement, and you should not involve yourself.

Some example guidelines/boundaries for you:

• You don't care what kind of underpants he wears. What's under his pants is his business only.
• If you're still giving him an allowance or spending money, you don't care what he spends it on.
• If it happens in his room, you don't care about it.
• If you spot a diaper peaking above his pants, see a bulge through his pants, or hear a crinkle, don't comment on it unless it's to save him the embarrassment of someone else seeing.

From your end, it's really more about you deciding to as a parent to disengage on this subject.

Some example guidelines/boundaries for him:

• If you don't want him wearing obviously babyish clothes openly in the house, then he shouldn't. (But if it's something more ambiguous, like overalls, don't sweat it).
• If he's using the main trash can to dispose of diapers, he should be bagging them in old grocery sacks or ziplocs and taking the trash out often.
• If his room smells, he should needs to fix it.
• If he smells ... he just shouldn't smell, but if he does, a gentle word is the kind thing to do.
• If he leaks on something, he needs to clean it, including his laundry.
• He shouldn't be asking you for money for ABDL things.
• He shouldn't ever flaunt his fetish, should do his best to make sure no one else ever finds out accidentally, and to keep any supplies in his room (so a guest is never asking who the bag of adult diapers are for).
• If anyone does find out, by accident or otherwise, unless that person is your child, that's his problem to deal with alone. Cousin finds out? You won't be talking to the cousin or their parents. He's an adult; he needs to deal with it.
• Never berate him for his feelings.

My other advice:

• Don't let this change who you think he is. Chances are he's had this feelings most of his life and has probably acted on them in some way. He's not different; this has always been who he is; whoever you thought he was before he came out is who he still is. Personally, it's been a part of me since I was 2 years old, literally my oldest memory. I've always been ABDL, so who I am has always incorporated that part of me. He's probably the same way.
• If he wants to meet other ABDLs in person, he should take the same precautions he would if meeting any other stranger in person. If someone comes out of nowhere offering to be his caregiver, it's almost certainly someone trying to scam him out of money.
• He should shield his identity. Shouldn't be using his real name, and my advice is he shouldn't share his face online either. And it's also very easy to accidentally post something from his main social media accounts when he meant it for his ABDL accounts. He should know to be careful.
• Financial responsibility is important. He shouldn't be spending money he doesn't have on ABDL things.
• If any of you are struggling with this, Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb is one of the only psychologists specializing in ABDL.
• If you want to show you're supportive, buy him a PUL mattress cover and a diaper pail (I recommend Dekor). If he's living at home, those are as much for you as him. Prevents his room from smelling like a nursery. I don't think parents should be buying diapers for their ABDL children, but it's also a dream come true to get a pack for Christmas or a birthday.