diaper dimension Last Moments

[Daddy Wuffster]

This is a Diaper Dimension story that is inspired by “Unfair”, a currently ongoing novel being written by Personalias. A discussion with him about how older Littles and Amazons live within the world was something we both hadn’t seen before and I wanted to explore it a little. 

 

Content warning: There is a mention and descriptions of a symptom of cancer.

 

Last Moments

 

“How do you want to do this Chris?”

 

It’s funny. Being a Little, I couldn’t really respond in many different ways to this question. Amazon lawyers just want to cover their arses though. I’m a lucky one, I still have my brains even if I can’t walk to save my life. So he had to get my full consent for this.

 

“Should she pass away I want to be put into full care of a state home” I made sure I was clear about the “state” part. I wasn’t going to be adopted again at sixty-five except by Amazons who got their kicks from seeing us die. They existed, even Amazons knew that, but like all things it was normally seen as the lesser of two evils to have Littles cared for round the clock by someone with the resources to do so. I’d had nightmares of being taken away and locked in a crib by some witch who wanted to keep me as a “pity” case. I’d woken up more times than I can count, sweating from fear of losing my mind to brain rotting cartoons and whatever else some horrible sadistic Amazon might do in the name of “easing my last few years”.

 

I had no such intention of ending up there though.

 

“You’re sure? You’ve only just reached the age where this is an option at all, you could still be…”

 

“I’m sure, Mr Grist” I deferred, despite knowing and using Robert's name since I was adopted. The man had been with us since day one, signing my adoption papers off when Clarissa had taken me in. As with most Little adoptions, it wasn’t my choice. But unlike most Little adoptions, Clarissa had enough empathy to leave me with my identity intact.

 

“Very well. Can you sign papers?” He placed the three page form confirming my decision on my highchair tray, a small section at the bottom requiring my confirmation.

I shook my head “No, even without the arthritis, my developmental plateau was such that I lost fine motor control”

 

He nodded, producing a small stamp and ink blotter from his bag. I’d lied a little there, secretly I’d been ensuring that my handwriting and typing skills were not vastly different from others my age. But once my fingers had started to creak I’d abandoned those exercises. This was easier.

 

“I’ll just align these with your name, please press your thumb into the ink and mark the square with your print” he was talking slower, methodically. It was clear he didn’t want me to do this. Amazons set up the state homes system in response to many elderly Littles being abandoned by uncaring parents. Amazons were not heartless, but they were reliant on their feelings remaining stable just like anyone else. And when your Little one is wrinkling, smelling different, needing constant salon trips just to stay being your “special little one”, it takes its toll. That system was an admission of failure for them they were not used to, and Robert felt it as much as any of his ilk did.

 

I followed his instructions, the red blotter staining my thumb as my hand, shaking from a combination of nerves and age, pressed into the paper. He then handed me the stamp, now with my full name blazed into it, and helped me push it firmly into the blotter before directing it to the relevant line at the bottom of the third page of the contract.

 

“Chris... Clarissa and you are… special. Really.”

 

That was unexpected “What do you mean? Bob, you’ve never treated me as anything other than…”

 

“A baby boy? Yes, I know. But Clarissa doesn’t, and I think I know why. You’re the most intelligent Little I know...” that was a backhanded compliment at best, given how we lost our minds in most cases “and I think she saw that too”

 

I sighed, trying to hold my tongue. He meant well, that was one of the more infuriating elements to this whole affair. Clarissa always went that extra step, never said anything in broad strokes, always acted like I was someone she wanted to talk to. Bob always looked a little uncomfortable with the idea of a Little who had been adopted forty years ago and was able to intellectually compete with him.

 

“I’m lucky, I guess” that wasn’t a lie, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to say “But being able to talk about the ins and outs of civil law with you at diners wasn’t that stimulating you know”

 

Bob chuckled “Well… I’ll miss it. Most clients of mine are content to breastfeed their kids in front of me and just let me write everything for them. I’d never had to explain the concept of a 23b-21 registration process to someone eating a Smiley Meal in just a…” he stopped. I knew where he was going with that “... I mean, a Little with a real sense of the world, you know?”

 

I think I wanted to both laugh and punch him in that instant. The left and right sides of the brain sometimes come into conflict after all and it’s possible both thoughts occurred. In that split second it chose the less confrontational option.

 

“I’ve worn diapers for four decades now Rob. Hell haven’t you changed me before?”

 

He grimaced “One time. I babysat… I took care of you for Clarissa’s father's funeral. You err… apparently didn’t take well to the formula I’d made.”

 

I smirked “I may have told you to put in double the normal amount of powder… Tastes a lot sweeter and goes through you a lot faster...”

 

His eyes went wide, then a similar smirk appeared on his face “You cheeky monkey. I knew I should’ve just listened to Clarissa’s instructions” I imagine he wanted to call me worse things but Amazons basically avoided cussing in front of adopted Littles by instinct once they reached adulthood. If you did it on a crowded train you’d get tutters and parents covering their child's (Little or not) ears with their hands.

 

I saw his face drop a little as he put the papers away. Once he filed those and sent them through to the central registration office, that would be it. A couple of smart looking Amazons would come round, read the full text of the contract to me and then I’d get into a car with them. A few hours later, I’d be being put down for a nap in a bare bones crib with whatever plush toys I’d chosen to take with me. I’d get to meet some caretakers, be regularly breastfed and changed but I’d never be given an opportunity to do a crossword, or read a journal. Best I could hope for was a soft fleece alphabet book…

 

“I’ll stay here with you. Until we have to leave.” Rob stated “Least I can do”

 

I nodded “Mmm… for me or for Clarissa?”

 

He frowned “Both of you. I know our relationship has been professional for the entire time we’ve known eachother but I consider you a friend and her…” he paused. I could see the pain on his face “I considered her a partner. Not in the romantic sense… but she was always there for me”

 

He got up off his chair next to me, pulling his shirt down tight and putting his bag on the table. He put away his writing equipment, clipped the thing shut and then turned to face me again “Right… guess we should go and see her huh?”

 

I nodded. This was going to hurt, but it had to be done.

 

“Yeah… gimme a hand out of this chair” I couldn’t unclip any of the straps or the tray, even before my fingers had started to crumble on the inside. Amazons would’ve made everything Little-proof if they could. Rob removed the various contraptions keeping me in place and then hoisted me onto his arm, my head at his eye level, my feet barely touching his belt. I felt a distinct and noticeable squish as he did so. I’d wet during our meeting, that squish had been absent when I’d been put in the chair.

 

“Do you need a change or…”

 

I shook my head. He’d noticed straight away but even after forty years my body's routine was reliable enough at this point to know that changing me now would just mean changing me again in an hour.

 

“Ok kiddo... Chris” 

 

“You don’t have to correct yourself every time you treat me like a toddler, Rob” I’d far rather he just acted naturally than put on some forced civility for the sake of our last day in this house.

 

He sighed “Yes, I do. It’s what she would want me to do. You know that as well as I do.” My eyebrow must have visibly raised because a small grin appeared on his face “Look, we weren’t romantically involved but… she cared about you so much Chris. I know if the cancer hadn’t…”

 

I audibly cleared my throat “Don’t. You know she wouldn’t want us talking about that close to her room either” I looked towards the bedroom as we approached the door, Rob's hand pulling the handle and opening it up to reveal its occupant.

 

There she was. My “mommy”. The person I’d been doted on by for what may as well have been my whole life. She was just sitting quietly in a recliner, her legs and hands relaxed as she slept. That had been the first sign something had been wrong, she’d fallen asleep at the dinner table. Just gone, out like a light. I thought maybe she’d just been having trouble with insomnia and she’d been hiding it. Wasn’t strictly my problem, so I’d let her tell me if she wanted to.

 

Then she fell asleep at the wheel of the car at some lights. With me in it on the passenger side, strapped tightly in a car seat. Then it became my problem too, and she knew it. She’d told me it had been happening once a day for a few months. We went to the doctors, she got tested and we got the results. It was that easy and that simple. But it was the most painful day of my life… and hers. A tumour in her brain was messing with everything, chances of her living after surgery with all her functions intact were slim, and I knew she’d never want that life for herself. 

 

In other words, a life without me. There was no chance I’d be left in the care of an Amazon who was as unwell as she was, or could’ve been. She already got funny looks for giving me the level of independence I had, it would take very little for someone to take some of that away.

 

Rob walked me over to her side, grabbing a nearby chair and pulling it up to the arm of the recliner so we were at eye level.

 

“Clarissa. Clarissa, it’s time to get up” Rob said, half-heartedly.

 

She stayed asleep, her breathing was slow but stable and her eyes were moving behind the lids. She was dreaming…

 

“Mommy” I grabbed her hand my fingers rubbing against her knuckles “Mommy wake up”

 

A low groan was my answer as she turned to face us. I smiled, my thumb going to my mouth instinctively as her deep blue eyes made contact with mine. Despite letting me keep so much, sometimes I couldn’t help but give her something of my adulthood at times. I’d take an oral fixation with a clear head over no teeth, that’s for sure.

 

“Hey Chris… Sorry, I must have fallen asleep again” she slurred the words, still coming out of the dream state “Are you feeling ok?”

 

“Yeah Mommy, I’m alright” I lied, sniffling. I was far from alright seeing her this way. We were separated by two years of age, but she looked and sounded twenty years older now. Rest and medication, however much time it had given us, had not meant she was able to be the woman that had taken me in all those years ago.

 

“Good. Rob, I’m guessing you and Chris have had the meeting?”

 

Rob smiled and looked her in the eye, going close to her face and resting his hand on hers “Yes Clarissa, we’ve signed everything off. In a few days you’ll be able to go into the hospital knowing Chris is…” he paused, looking at me as if for guidance. I didn’t know what to add to that sentence myself “That Chris’ll be fine”

 

A little laugh came from her as her mouth strained into a smile “I’m not worried about Chris. He’s still got all the energy he needs to be a troublemaker”

 

I felt my throat tighten. That sense of humour was something I’d miss every day from here on out. I could feel the first tears in my eyes trying to break free of their ducts.

 

“Oh… come on Mommy please…” I knew I sounded like I was starting to sob, but I’d stopped caring “I’m not… not that bad”

 

She straightened up in the chair. I could see the energy she was expending just to stay lucid, to stay in the present “Chris, can you come onto my lap please”

 

Rob lowered me down onto the chair, my legs and arms clambering over the arm and eventually finding purchase on her dress. I moved myself into a comfortable position, facing her directly as she pulled me close and let my legs find space to either side of her.

 

“You promise to be a good boy for me, ok?” she started pulling her fingers through my thinning hair, it’s little grey strands now carefully managed by the local salon. That would be another thing I’d lose I suppose.

 

“Y… yes Mommy” I felt the first droplet of a tear stream down my face. You think you’ve prepared yourself for these moments, but trust me you never have. 

 

“Don’t lose what makes you special.” Her eyes were focussed, more so than I’d seen them for years. “Don’t give anyone an easy time of what you have left. Throw every tantrum and every little rebellious act you can if you need to”

 

I smiled, even at the last she was still telling me to fight the system. She’d never been on the same page as other Amazons, even if she still breastfed me and changed my diapers. She liked to call me “special” round others, like I’d been born with the natural gift of speech and literacy that simply couldn’t be taken away. When I’d been told my developmental plateau (I hated the term, and so did most Amazons who just wanted to call it “how much of a baby I am”) was likely to be firmly in the “infant” percentile she’d thrown the papers out the window and refused to take me back to the daycare.

 

“I will Mommy. I’ll teach them a thing or two” I winked, another tear coming from my eye as it was forced free of the duct.

“That’s my baby boy” she tickled my tummy, eliciting a totally involuntary giggle from me... and another reaction as well.

 

You have to understand that I would’ve avoided it if I could. This was not the moment I wanted to be interrupted by a call of nature but forty years in nothing but thick cloth diapers take a toll on your muscle strength down there. I felt the first wet release of gas moments before my stomach cramped and forced me to grunt and grit my teeth. It was long since past the point of producing anything other than slick mush, Amazon breastmilk was full of everything a Little needs except the firm matter required to make pooping anything other than a very quick experience. 

 

“Oh dear… Is it really that time already?” she bounced me a little on her knee. Great, just squish it around while I’m still going…

 

Rob groaned next to her “He was wet during the meeting, and he did say he didn’t want to be changed. Maybe he…”

 

Clarissa giggled “Hah, Chris poops when he needs to. Trust me you learn these things after forty years.”

 

At this point I was emotionally spent. Filling your underwear while you’re already struggling emotionally is a breaking point for most people I imagine. I burst into a bawl, my cries sounding no different to those of a child as I pulled my adopted mother into a full hug.

 

“I… can’t... “ I tried to say something. Anything.

 

“I know baby. I know” she looked at Rob “Did you do it, did he sign the papers?”

 

Rob nodded, his eyes widening a little “You want to tell him now? There may not be another time”

 

I sniffled, looking back and forth between the two of them “What… tell me what?”

 

Clarissa looked down at me again, pulling my head between her breasts. I almost wanted to start suckling there and then, such was the desperate feeling in my head.

 

“Rob didn’t give you papers to send you to the state house” 

 

I pulled my head back instantly. My sobbing was on hold, my brain had suddenly activated fight mode.

 

“What? What did…”

 

Clarissa smiled weakly “He’s adopting you. I’m not giving you over to some random Tweeners in a care home. I know you would’ve refused this if I’d asked but… I couldn’t leave you there. I’m sorry”

 

I blinked in shock. My mind suddenly flooded with a mix of different emotions. Betrayal hit first, my choice having been taken away at the last minute. But a momentary look into her eyes killed that off and replaced it with something else. 

 

“I… why? You’re as old as me Rob, you can’t…”

 

He shook his head, “I can and I will. You deserve better than to be left to brain drain in the middle of nowhere.”

 

I lay my head back into Clarissa’s chest. This was all too much.

 

“Chris, honey.” She started to rub my head, “Rob will take you to visit me in the hospital for as long… as long we can” she was crying now too, I could feel the tears as she kissed the top of my head.

 

Amazons think Littles just one day start to lose their adult minds. For one second there I believed it was happening to me. Nothing but emotions were swimming in my brain, nothing but the feeling of mess in my diaper and the emotional distress of the last few minutes were describable, and neither were things I wanted anymore.

 

“Rob, can you change him please. I think I need to sleep again.” she may as well have read my mind.

 

Rob got up and put his arms under my armpits. I was spent, completely and totally done and both of them knew it. I wasn’t going to be able to say much more, but I didn’t need to. I’d get more time with her and now… now I had to start calling my lawyer…

 

“Daddy.”

 

Rob stopped in his tracks. His face turned into a smile as he looked at my red and snotty face. 

 

“You hear that Clarissa, I think your little guy is gonna be alright.”

 

She laughed, “Didn’t I say a few minutes ago I knew he would be? Tell me how you feel after you’ve dealt with what he's just given you to deal with in his diaper and…” she yawned, her head leaning back in the chair “and then we’ll have another chat.”

 

He grimaced and then chuckled. “Hopefully it’s not as bad as last time huh Chris?” 

 

I didn’t answer. I was already falling asleep from exhaustion. But I think I had good dreams during that nap… and honestly I don’t think I’ve had any nightmares since.

 

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[Personalias]

This is super sweet and moving.  Easily one of my favorite shorts in this setting by a more than talented author.  Thank you for sharing this with the public.

[BabySofia]

Well written, I enjoyed that! (Sad as it was...)

[Baby Billy]

I agree that was a very good story, though I am surprised that the amazon doctors could not cure her.  She really was a truly unusual amazon that really loved the little she cared for and wanted to make sure he was fine when she was gone.   

[BabyJilly_S]

That got me right in the "feels", thanks for posting  

[Moon3ye]

A truly fascinating story.

Yes, it's true, so explicit has never been written about aging in DD.

I remember that there was once a story about an Amazon and a Little who were old, but that was it, no disease, no end, only that they are old.

@BabySofiahad once written about aging in one of her stories and that Amazons don't get as old as Littles and that Littles under the care of Amazons and with nanites can get 120 years old and only look and act really old with about 100.

I have also thought once or twice about what happens to Littles in old age. Here I really have to say that I think it depends on the Amazons and the country.

I've read stories where there were Amazons who I would trust to either put their Littles to sleep like animals or even just abandon them and kill them, preferably in the woods, and then act like they were kidnapped so no one would know it was them.

On the other hand I know some history where I think they take care of their Littles in old age in special nursing homes or maybe even the Amazons take care that the Littles are allowed to grow up again.
 

Was this a short story or will there be a second part?

[Diaperdimensionfan]

Loved this story! It just a real positive tone in a genre that is known to be darker. 

[SGTbaby]

Very sweet story 

[Cute_Kitten]

Nice to see a topic that's rarely explored. A touching story; the sweet and bitter was balanced very nicely and you showed their emotions beautifully.

[MightyBirdy]

I’m not crying! You’re crying!

[crono]

very emotional and neat touch on the DD type of story. Looking forward to more!