A cognitive behavioral guide to unpotty training

[Enthusi]

Hi all,  inspired by @DiaperboyEddie12 and others I’ve decided to put my approach to unpotty training in writing.  
 

A brief background… I’ve been a lifelong ABDL and have worn off and on over the years and for the past 4 years or so I’ve been rigorously unpotty training.  Before embarking on this quest I had great day and night control. Nowadays I’m probably at about 5% of what a normal adult can do. Which is to say I have little to no remaining bladder control, which is to say my approach has been wildly successful.  

The BIG picture approach is to identify the major physiological drivers of bladder control in the body, and then use cognitive and behavioral techniques to gradually chip away at each area.  Think of it as a coordinated full scale long term assault on every aspect of bladder control.   The key is to hit each area simultaneously and thoroughly.   
 

Let me again stress that this has taken me YEARS to accomplish this. Unpotty training involves reversing your physiology which is extremely difficult to do and takes hard work and persistence.  Like any great endeavor it wasn’t a continuous progress but a series of steps with lots of setbacks and stalled progress along the way.  

Learn the psychological techniques to change how you think and how your body reacts to stimuli. 

It’s important to familiarize yourself with some basic psychological terms.  I’m not going to go in a lot of detail here but here’s a brief overview of the various techniques.

1. Classical conditioning.  Think Pavlov’s dog. That’s where you train your body to respond in a certain way to a neutral stimuli.  Pavlov rang a bell every time he fed his dog some meat. After a while he noticed that the pup would salivate when he rang the bell even if food wasn’t present. We can use the same idea to teach our bladder control to respond differently to different sensations.  For instance getting your bladder to spontaneously relax when you sense bladder fullness. 
 

2. Operant Conditioning.  Use of rewards and punishment to encourage desired behaviors and discourage undesirable behaviors.  Rewards can be positive like a treat, or negative like removing a bad outcome. Punishment means causing a bad outcome for undesired behaviors. The idea is to shape behavior. When you behave as expected you get a reward which encourages you to do the same thing again so you get more rewards.  
 

3. Cognitive triad.  The idea that your thoughts control your emotions and your emotions control your behavior. It’s cyclical so that behaviors reinforce your thoughts.  So for instance seeing yourself as incontinent (thought) so that you feel scared to go without a diaper (emotion), so you dont even try to hold it in, (behavior) which then reinforces your belief that you’re incontinent. 

4. Biofeedback.  A combo of the above to teach you to be in tune with your body and how you respond to bodily sensations. 
 

Identify your targets 

Okay with that in mind the next step is to identify the parts of the body responsible for maintaining continence.  This isn’t a full list but it’s the main areas I’ve identified: 

- Cerebrum (thinking part of the brain). Deals with goal directed activity and voluntary sphincter muscle control  

- Emotional center (Limbic System). Deals with feelings about being continent, fear of having an accidents, drives, and motivations.   

- Cerebellum and brainstem and spinal cord.  Muscle memory related to bladder control and reflexes related to holding it in and voiding when the time is right. 

- Kidneys. Make the pee. 

- Bladder. Storage for pee that fills up like a balloon and contacts to make the pee to our  

- External urinary sphincter. Voluntary control that wraps around the neck of the bladder.  When contracted pee can’t come out (which is the default state for most adults)  

- Pelvic floor muscles.  A bunch of muscles that surround the bladder and provide extra support to maintain bladder control or relax the bladder depending on your goal.  

-Prostate.  For males, surrounds the urethra. Important for sexual activity but can cause urinary retention.  

There are other areas as well but these are the main targets. 

Use conditioning and cognitive behavioral techniques at each target

 This is where the rubber hits the road and the hard part.  It’s a lot of trial and error and a lot of patience and creativity.  Here are some interventions I’ve done throughout the years. Again this isn’t a complete list but you get the idea  

Cerebrum- Practice minimizing changing positions when you feel the urge to go.  Especially at night in bed.  (For some people this is extremely difficult and may take years to accomplish.  Be safe!) Read up on psychological interventions, and swap success stories on this forum. 

Emotional Center- I hit this hard with cognitive and behavior approaches.  Address any psychological barriers you have about being incontinent and especially about wetting yourself.  Learn to embrace leaks and accidents as expected.  For me a big hang up was going to the doctors in a diaper… but I finally got over that and asked my doc to add incontinence to my chart which he did. Talk about reinforcement!  Hypnosis helps tremendously as well.    Throw out your underwear (cognitive).  Make sure you sleep with a thick dry diaper so you feel safe wetting in any position.  Reward yourself for having accidents.   Make sure you always have spare diapers with you even when it’s not convenient to reinforce that you need to be in diapers. 

Spinal cord / reflexes.  Practice relaxing the bladder muscles when you feel the urge to go.  With time you’ll learn to ignore the sensation of a full bladder and instead trust that your bladder will naturally and spontaneously drain when it gets full.  Also, for a while I had a rule that I cannot hold it in when not diapered no matter what.  As a result it made me feel especially appreciative for when I had a fresh diaper on.  

Kidneys. Drink lots of water to overwhelm your poor stupid bladder.

Bladder. I did a lot visualization exercises where I imagined my bladder as a tiny rigid balloon that couldn’t really expand. 

Sphincter.  I hit this one hard through classical conditioning relaxation and biofeedback.  Get a repeat timer app on your phone. Set it for 45 min and every time it goes off you relax the sphincter muscles.  With time shorten the interval until it’s second nature. 

Pelvic floor. Learn to relax these muscles and keep them relaxed.  I use a massage gun and “bear down” like I’m forcing pee out.  This helps you identify the floor muscles.  Once you identify them then massage them into a relaxed submission.  

Prostate (guys). Have yourself an enjoyable orgasm to reward yourself for your hard work.    Treat any prostate issues that may be causing urinary retention.  
 

———

Well there ya have it!  It’s a lengthy post but I could write volumes more.  Hopefully I will one day.  Anyways that’s the gist of my approach.  Like I said it worked spectacularly for me, though as you can see it was a lot of work over years.  
 

Cheers!

Enthusi ?

 

 

[DiaperboyEddie12]

1 hour ago, Enthusi said:

Hi all,  inspired by @DiaperboyEddie12 and others I’ve decided to put my approach to unpotty training in writing.   A brief background… I’ve been a lifelong ABDL and have worn off and on over the years and for the past 4 years or so I’ve been rigorously unpotty training.  Before embarking on this quest I had great day and night control. Nowadays I’m probably at about 5% of what a normal adult can do. Which is to say I have little to no remaining bladder control, which is to say my approach has been wildly successful.  
 

This post is my starting spot for gathering my gathering my thoughts and answering questions. Eventually I plan to make a longer guide. This is a first draft / road map.  

The BIG picture approach is to identify the major physiological drivers of bladder control in the body, and then use cognitive and behavioral techniques to gradually chip away at each area.  Think of it as a coordinated full scale long term assault on every aspect of bladder control.   The key is to hit each area simultaneously and thoroughly.   
 

First things first… let me again stress that this has taken me YEARS to accomplish. Unpotty training involves reversing your physiology which is extremely difficult to do and takes hard work and persistence.  Like any great endeavor it wasn’t a continuous progress but a series of steps with lots of setbacks and stalled progress along the way.  

Second it’s important to familiarize yourself with some basic psychological terms.  I’m not going to go in a lot of detail here but here’s a brief overview of the various techniques.

 

1. Classical conditioning.  Think Pavlov’s dog. That’s where you train your body to respond in a certain way to a neutral stimuli.  Pavlov rang a bell every time he fed his dog some meat. After a while he noticed that the pup would salivate when he rang the bell even if food wasn’t present. We can use the same idea to teach our bladder control to respond differently to different sensations.  For instance getting your bladder to spontaneously relax when you sense bladder fullness. 
 

2. Operant Conditioning.  Use of rewards and punishment to encourage desired behaviors and discourage undesirable behaviors.  Rewards can be positive like a treat, or negative like removing a bad outcome. Punishment means causing a bad outcome for undesired behaviors. The idea is to shape behavior. When you behave as expected you get a reward which encourages you to do the same thing again so you get more rewards.  
 

3. Cognitive triad.  The idea that your thoughts control your emotions and your emotions control your behavior. It’s cyclical so that behaviors reinforce your thoughts.  So for instance seeing yourself as incontinent (thought) so that you feel scared to go without a diaper (emotion), so you dont even try to hold it in, (behavior) which then reinforces your belief that you’re incontinent. 
 

Okay with that in mind the next step is to identify the parts of the body responsible for maintaining continence.  This isn’t a full list but it’s the main areas I’ve identified: 

- Cerebrum (thinking part of the brain) which deals with goal directed activity and voluntary sphincter muscle control  

- Emotional center (Limbic System) Deals with feelings about being continent, fear of having an accident  

- Cerebellum and brainstem and spinal cord.  Muscle memory related to bladder control and reflexes related to holding it in and voiding when the time is right. 
 

- Kidneys. Make the pee. 

- Bladder. Storage for pee that fills up like a balloon and contacts to make the pee to our  

- External urinary sphincter. Voluntary control that wraps around the neck of the bladder.  When contracted pee can’t come out (which is the default state for most adults)  

- Pelvic floor muscles.  A bunch of muscles that surround the bladder and provide extra support to maintain bladder control or relax the bladder depending on your goal.  

-Prostate.  For males, surrounds the urethra. Important for sexual activity but can cause urinary retention.  
 

There are other areas as well but these are the main targets. 
 

So now we’ve identified our targets the next step is to use classical and operant condition and cognitive behavioral techniques to knock down potential areas of resistance.  This is where the rubber hits the road and the hard part.  It’s a lot of trial and error and a lot of patience and creativity.  Here are some interventions I’ve done throughout the years. Again this isn’t a complete list but you get the idea  

 

Cerebrum- Practice not moving or changing positions when you are in bed and you feel the urge to go.  
 

Emotional Center- I hit this hard with cognitive and behavior approaches.  Address any psychological barriers you have about being incontinent and especially about wetting yourself.  Learn to embrace leaks and accidents as expected.  For me a big hang up was going to the doctors in a diaper… but I finally got over that and asked my doc to add incontinence to my chart which he did. Talk about reinforcement!  Hypnosis helps tremendously as well.    Throw out your underwear (cognitive).  Make sure you sleep with a thick dry diaper so you feel safe wetting in any position.  Reward yourself for having accidents.   Make sure you always have spare diapers with you even when it’s not convenient to reinforce that you need to be in diapers. 

Spinal cord / reflexes.  Practice relaxing the bladder muscles when you feel the urge to go and also  practice ignoring the sensation that you need to act when your bladder is full.  For a while I had a rule that I cannot hold it in when not diapered no matter what.  As a result it made me feel especially appreciative for when I had a fresh diaper on.  

Kidneys- Drink lots of water to overwhelm your poor stupid bladder.

Bladder - I did a lot visualization exercises where I imagined my bladder as a tiny rigid balloon that couldn’t really expand. 

Sphincter - I hit this one hard through classical conditioning relaxation.  Get an repeat timer app on your phone. Set it for 45 min and every time it goes off you relax the sphincter muscles.  With time shorten the interval until it’s second nature. 

Pelvic floor- Learn to relax these muscles as well.  I use a massage gun and “bear down” like I’m forcing pee out.  This helps you identify the floor muscles.  Once you identify them then massage them into a relaxed submission.  

Prostate - Have yourself some enjoyable orgasms to reward yourself for your hard work.  
 

Well there ya have it!  It’s a lengthy post but I could write volumes more.  Hopefully I will one day.  Anyways that’s the gist of my approach.  Like I said it worked spectacularly for me, though as you can see it was a lot of work over years.  
 

Cheers!

Enthusi ?

 

 

Thank you for your post!  Very interesting read.

I also use Visualization to get what I want.  I am a big believer in the Law Of Attraction.  And Quantum Physics.

I have even shown others how to use it to get what they want in life.

[Diapee underskirt]

Great write up! I’ve been 24/7 since January. It’s great to read info from someone farther down the path!

[Enthusi]

40 minutes ago, Diapee underskirt said:

Great write up! I’ve been 24/7 since January. It’s great to read info from someone farther down the path!

Thanks!  Its been a labor of love. 

How are you doing? How’s your progress?

[Diapee underskirt]

It’s been really good. I still wear pull ups to work, diapers every other time and I’ve definitely noticed an increase in time between potty breaks and it’s becoming harder to keep the pull up dry. I’m sure I have a long way to go still

[BabyJilly_S]

Cool write up , thanks a lot. Lots of things to think about in there for me.

I am coming up to my year anniversary soon, I started last year as we were in lockdown and working from home made it very easy to do. 

So far I have been simply wearing and using, attempting to not consciously think about any of it down there and let what happens happen whenever it wants to...

I have also been using hypnosis files to help. Whether it has or not I can't objectively state as I have no point of reference for use without it, but my gut feel is that it has. I can say that some get me into a very relaxed state and I like it as part of my mental process on my path to change. 

 

 

 

 

[Enthusi]

@BabyJilly_S

Thanks!  Sounds like you’re coming right along!  Just remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint. 
 

Regarding hypnosis, for me it most helped with breaking down the mental barriers that prevented me from seeing myself as incontinent.  Here are some of the big ones I’ve identified:

- If I was forced to repotty train I probably could do it, which means it’s a choice and thus I’m not really incontinent. Real incontinent people don’t chose to be that way. 

- Random people online insisting it’s Impossible to make yourself incontinent from wearing diapers.

- I have some residual bladder control and so I can’t call myself incontinent.  (binary thinking). 

- When I slept without a diaper on I woke up dry. (This is no longer true, trust me, I tested).  That means I’m diaper trained, not incontinent. 

Through hypnosis I allowed myself to accept that I’m incontinent and once I did that everything fell into place and got much easier and my bladder control really plummeted. 

[BabyJilly_S]

It is indeed a long term thing. When I started I had no idea what was going to happen. As time has gone on it does seem that I found something that scratches an itch I didn't know I had, though I have had adult cloth diapers and plastic pants for years. Finding a world of disposables was an eye opener .

You would think after 10 months that if it were a short term desire it would have worn itself out by now. It hasn't and doesn't seem like its going to. 

Over the last year or so my thinking has changed, the last time I wore adult underwear was Christmas day 2020 when I spent the day with family.  Other than that during that time I would downgrade and wear a pull up when visiting them. Now I wear Betterdrys or my Dotty Diapers there and whilst a little self conscious (I haven't told them or anyone) I don't think I can go back. I am have also started to use them over there whereas only a couple of months ago I would be wearing them but too tense to use them.

Now we are preparing to return to the office I am thinking  "how do I manage my diapers", not "oh well back to normal underwear". 

Looking back at where I was, I have come a long way, though at times it feels like no progress is being made. 

[Diapee underskirt]

I’m at that point as well. Not sure how much longer I can get a way with pull ups at work but I’m scared about will a megamax last my whole workday or how and where do I change discreetly and everything 

[BabyJilly_S]

18 minutes ago, Diapee underskirt said:

I’m at that point as well. Not sure how much longer I can get a way with pull ups at work but I’m scared about will a megamax last my whole workday or how and where do I change discreetly and everything 

Fortunately I am on the team of three people that are prepping our office for everyone's return so have been in four times,  a couple on my own. So I have tried both my favourite Dotty Diapers and Megamax, each time trying to drink what I normally drink at home now.  As we are in a very large office there are larger disabled/non-gendered toilets that I could use to change, I do always have a spare diaper in my rucksack just in case.

One time I felt I was close to leaking, as I worked two hours longer than expected. Twice I had press out leaks on the way home, as I ride a motorbike and its got a firm seat that's not too large. I should probably have changed those two times. 

From a detection perspective no one seemed to notice (or care if they did) any crinkling or butt largeness, though I felt a bit self conscious. Larger black jeans covers quite well but I felt its presence there all the time.

 

[Diapee underskirt]

So on average 1 megamax gets you through the whole work day? I guess I could go to a gas station to change if I needed to on lunch.

[BabyJilly_S]

@Diapee underskirt I made sure I put it on just before I left for work and fortunately had a nice early morning BM in my overnight diaper so I didn't have to think about that.

I have a pretty sedentary office job, which nowadays will probably be 9am til 4 or 5pm. A megamax has the awesome, not-coming-undone tapes so there isn't any danger of it failing in that aspect, so I don't think its the length of time for me rather than the fluid intake.

Pre-diapers I would restrict intake, as for my whole life I have had a bladder the size of a walnut and go super often if I drink a lot. Since being at home from Covid and having a kidney stone issue I have had to increase my fluid intake considerably. So diapers have been quite freeing from that aspect

I had some juice and water before I left for work and then a large latte and probably 1.5 litres of water over the course of the 7 hours I was there which was fine (until i sat on the hard saddle of my bike...)  

I am still trying to work it all out to be honest ?‍♂️

 

[Enthusi]

@Diapee underskirt 

Just curious… what’s the absolute worst thing that would happen if you went to change your diaper at work and you got caught? 

Your coworkers snicker behind your back?  Do you really care? 

You get fired? Passed over for a promotion or a raise?    Theoretically if you work at a small business in an “at will” state then you may not be protected (no pun intended). But more than likely you would be rich from the workplace discrimination lawsuit you just won. 

Besides would why would you want to work in that sort of toxic environment where people make fun of you for wearing incontinence briefs?  (Okay maybe if you’re a middle school teacher and the kids find out that would be different).  

Personally speaking, I take my “diaper bag” in the bathroom with me all the time at work. I put  the dirty diaper in a sealed bag and take it home with me.  I don’t think any of my coworkers know I wear diapers. Once someone asked me why I am taking my bag to the bathroom with me and I said I have some GI issues that require supplies and they immediately shut up.  Even if they discovered I wore diapers it just means they’ll know I can’t make it to the bathroom on time.   

 

 

[DiaperboyEddie12]

5 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

@Diapee underskirt I made sure I put it on just before I left for work and fortunately had a nice early morning BM in my overnight diaper so I didn't have to think about that.

I have a pretty sedentary office job, which nowadays will probably be 9am til 4 or 5pm. A megamax has the awesome, not-coming-undone tapes so there isn't any danger of it failing in that aspect, so I don't think its the length of time for me rather than the fluid intake.

Pre-diapers I would restrict intake, as for my whole life I have had a bladder the size of a walnut and go super often if I drink a lot. Since being at home from Covid and having a kidney stone issue I have had to increase my fluid intake considerably. So diapers have been quite freeing from that aspect

I had some juice and water before I left for work and then a large latte and probably 1.5 litres of water over the course of the 7 hours I was there which was fine (until i sat on the hard saddle of my bike...)  

I am still trying to work it all out to be honest ?‍♂️

 

Very interesting read from your comments on here.

You And @Enthusi keep me entertained for awhile.

[DiaperboyEddie12]

@Enthusi soon I will post my true dream of wearing full time.  Though at this time I do not wear full time.

[BabyJilly_S]

12 hours ago, DiaperboyEddie12 said:

Very interesting read from your comments on here.

You And @Enthusi keep me entertained for awhile.

Thanks , maybe it is worth me documenting how it has been for me so far.... at least maybe for my own record ...

[DiaperboyEddie12]

54 minutes ago, BabyJilly_S said:

Thanks , maybe it is worth me documenting how it has been for me so far.... at least maybe for my own record ...

There’s a member on here who documented his journey with a excel spread sheet

[Linus]

Now I am curious, Is it available for reading? I would be interested in that. 

21 minutes ago, DiaperboyEddie12 said:

There’s a member on here who documented his journey with a excel spread sheet

Now I am curious, Is it available for reading? I would be interested in that. 

[Diapee underskirt]

I see your point @Enthusibut I am wether rational or not extremely worried about losing my job over this. I know at some point I’ll have to make the switch because the pull ups and bladder will pass each other on the graph and I will have to wear at work as well. But I’d like to have had A conversation with a doctor or something by that point and either hopefully make the diaper last all day or maybe go change on lunch at a gas station. Eventually I’ll hopefully find a different job and start there already being diaper dependent but idk this step has brought up anxiety 

[DiaperboyEddie12]

11 hours ago, Linus said:

Now I am curious, Is it available for reading? I would be interested in that. 

Now I am curious, Is it available for reading? I would be interested in that. 

@Linus Did you go look at that other post?

[Linus]

4 hours ago, DiaperboyEddie12 said:

@Linus Did you go look at that other post?

I did, thanks a lot

[Mindylou]

On 8/27/2021 at 1:16 PM, Diapee underskirt said:

I see your point @Enthusibut I am wether rational or not extremely worried about losing my job over this. I know at some point I’ll have to make the switch because the pull ups and bladder will pass each other on the graph and I will have to wear at work as well. But I’d like to have had A conversation with a doctor or something by that point and either hopefully make the diaper last all day or maybe go change on lunch at a gas station. Eventually I’ll hopefully find a different job and start there already being diaper dependent but idk this step has brought up anxiety 

I had fears of wearing to work also; I work in an office and wear dressy casual attire.. so thin pants or khakis and fitted tops. I just gradually started wearing longer tops and looser pants so it wouldn't be so noticable. I wear thin diapers too, North Shore Supreme Lite, and do them up snugly, no saggy bottom! They are pretty wet by the time I get home but they do last! I do get away with thicker diaper under jeans on Fridays though! Black has become my new favorite color in office attire (pants) this Last year for sure. I'm in a small office of 5 people so I was really worried but so far so good. 

[spark]

On 11/1/2021 at 12:53 PM, Mindylou said:

I had fears of wearing to work also; I work in an office and wear dressy casual attire.. so thin pants or khakis and fitted tops. I just gradually started wearing longer tops and looser pants so it wouldn't be so noticable. I wear thin diapers too, North Shore Supreme Lite, and do them up snugly, no saggy bottom! They are pretty wet by the time I get home but they do last! I do get away with thicker diaper under jeans on Fridays though! Black has become my new favorite color in office attire (pants) this Last year for sure. I'm in a small office of 5 people so I was really worried but so far so good. 

I had been working at home even before covid.  Prior to covid, the few times I did work in public, I could monitor things with a Pull Up and using the toilet.   The Pull Ups were mostly a tool to control anxiety, because I have high functioning social anxiety (sounds made up, but it's real).  After covid I realized- diapers are necessity.   Both for anxiety, and the fact that I don't trust Pull Ups to protect me.   In August I start working in public, and I was wondering how I would deal with it.

Well, I change into a fresh diaper every morning before work.   I do use the toilet when necessary, but I frequently do pee in diapers.   Mostly Crinklz, but I've work Inspire and Megamax  All of them are fairly thick.  I use a cover over the diapers to be extra cautious of leaks and then a pair of boxers to cover the diapers.   My pants are almost exclusively black 50/50 slacks that tend to dry quickly.   I don't change in public, because I generally don't need to.   Just by using the bathroom for the bigger void, I can easily get 12 hours out of one those ABDL diapers.  And If I tried to do more than 12 hours in public w/o a diaper, I'd be a basketcase

[Crinkle butt]

On 8/26/2021 at 3:09 PM, Diapee underskirt said:

So on average 1 megamax gets you through the whole work day? I guess I could go to a gas station to change if I needed to on lunch.

I use on average 1 mega Max during the day time hours and one for the night time hours. I had a situation occur that ended up putting me in 24/7 for my surgery I had. That problem had cleared up but I had become slightly incontinent so I have since been wearing still. I was extremely embarrassed to go out in public at first and everything but then I started reading the forums and realizing that people in general don't really care. You're always going to have that one person sometime or another that's going to make an issue out of it but for the most part it's all nerves on my end when I go out. I've had to change at work and I've had to change in public. Not going to lie to you the first time was nerve-wracking. Start my going out in public and making yourself use bathroom to change. The likelihood of you running in the anybody that's in that bathroom when you're changing is next to none. As far as changing at work it's part of my life I have to do it so I just do it. I hope the best for you I hope this helps you. It's not an easy start but it all starts with its accepting yourself and your likes for diapers

[Diapee underskirt]

Thanks @Crinkle butt I have continued on my journey of 24/7 and incontinence. My partner and I discussed and she decided there has been to many close calls with pull ups at work so today is my first day diapered at work since my bladder is at that point. I am scared but so far the megamax is holding up good and I have a spare one if needed(I’d run to the gas station to change). I hope I’m making the right decision since this is probably the point of no return. And before long I’ll go to the doctors in a diaper and hopefully I’m well on my way to truly needing diapers