classification Classified: Stellar Remnants (Completed 1/29/2023)

[BobbyDrago]

It's leveled up to split personality. Or dissociative identity disorder I don't know those always screwed with my brain when I try and wrap my head around it.

[Bonsai]

You know your brain is fried when you start to read text in different colors ?

[starman]

Can we please just go back to normal colour,,just cant read this chapter that good ..

[mikejackson999]

This actually took an interesting turn, seeing her issues from inside her brain like that.  

[Brutal_Ink]

6 hours ago, BobbyDrago said:

It's leveled up to split personality. Or dissociative identity disorder I don't know those always screwed with my brain when I try and wrap my head around it.

No worries, they are the same thing. DID was previously known as split personality disorder.

5 hours ago, Bonsai said:

You know your brain is fried when you start to read text in different colors ?

For sure! ?

4 hours ago, starman said:

Can we please just go back to normal colour,,just cant read this chapter that good ..

There really isn't any other way to differentiate speakers in this part of the story. Using brackets [] or parenthesis () just gets too confusing. I tried using those in combination with bold and italics on another forum, but it ended up just being a mess. That's why I changed the colors. I can try to find a darker shade of pink to use for Lily if that would be helpful though.

4 hours ago, mikejackson999 said:

This actually took an interesting turn, seeing her issues from inside her brain like that.  

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I've wanted to do something like that in a story for a long time, I just couldn't figure out how to format it for easier reading  

[bje]

17 hours ago, Brutal_Ink said:

There really isn't any other way to differentiate speakers in this part of the story. Using brackets [] or parenthesis () just gets too confusing. I tried using those in combination with bold and italics on another forum, but it ended up just being a mess. That's why I changed the colors. I can try to find a darker shade of pink to use for Lily if that would be helpful though.

I also find it hard to read. These colors don't give enough contrast. I would prefer some use of brackets or other signs if you must do something like this.

But it would be best to use a system that can be read aloud and understood by the visually impaired.

[YourFNF]

So are the personality changes actually part of chrysalis I was honestly leaning towards a cultural artifact before I saw full blown alters.... Could this be a result of cross wiring and somehow recovering "fragments" of early memories and emotions during restructuring and neural pruning?

[Brutal_Ink]

Alright, I've tweaked some formatting. The color changes for speakers will be removed, but I've added different brackets, hopefully that will make it easier for text-to-speech users to follow along. There won't be any changes to the format after this though, it's already becoming quite a chore to edit. Thanks for all your feedback everyone!

#####

Part III: Black Holes

Chapter 11: Accretion

 

+Lily+

“‘Jiminy Dickhead?’ Really? That was a little harsh.” Aden says, rolling his eyes.

Lily frowns and settles into the chair across from him. Everything here has a sort of hazy, otherworldly shimmer about it all. Being inside of her own head is a strange experience indeed, but Cici hadn’t been lying about her being able to will things into existence with her imagination.

Nor, unfortunately, is she wrong about Lily needing more practice with her ‘‘magination muscles’.

“I thought it was a pretty good pun.” Lily replies.

“It wasn’t bad.” Aden concedes. “Could you at least imagine something more comfortable than a kitchen chair? My feet are falling asleep.”

“You mean your imaginary feet? The ones that don’t need circulation since you’re, you know, a figment of our imagination and all? God, what a weird sentence…” Lily muses. She does manage to upgrade their seats to easy chairs, but not without considerable effort. “How long do you think I’ll be stuck here for?” 

If she didn’t have Aden to distract her, she’d probably be a lot more worried about the fact that her awareness of what’s going on in the outside world has almost disappeared  completely. It’s become like the dull, faint buzz of background conversation on a TV show.

Aden shrugs. “However long you want to be. I’m sure you could take control back from Cici if you really wanted to, or if there was some kind of emergency. Is there really any harm in letting her play though?”

Lily frowns. “I mean, I guess not.”

“She is you, you know, just a different part of you.” Aden points out.

“I don’t suppose I’ll ever be normal again, will I? I don’t want to go through life with a psyche that’s about as intact as my old credit card after a trip through the shredder…” Lily chuckles bitterly.

“That mostly depends on you.” Aden says calmly. “If you’d stop fighting being a Little so much, then you’d probably start feeling a little more like yourself. Look, I know you hate the idea of being a Little with every fiber of your being, but it’s really not all that bad. Cici’s having fun with it.”

“Well, yeah, but Cici’s--” Lily begins, but Aden interrupts.

“The part of you that actually enjoys being a Little...You might actually enjoy it too, if you didn’t spend all your time hiding in here.” Aden points out. “She’s literally offering you the best of both worlds right now, and you’ve chosen to stick your head in the sand. I don’t see how that’s supposed to be helpful.”

Lily frowns, glaring at Aden. “Shut up.”

“I’m not wrong.” Aden replies confidently.

Lily sighs. “Fine. I guess there’s no harm in watching…”

Aden grins. “See? Progress at last.”

Lily pokes her tongue out at Aden. “Whatever. You don’t have to be such a smug asshole about it.”

Aden just chuckles.

{Cici?}

[Hi! Whatcha doin’?] Cici’s voice is light and bubbly, like bottled happiness. Or champagne.

{Nothing. Just sitting in here in my imaginary lounge chair. Mind if I see what you’re up to?}

[Sure! I’m just playin’ with Maisie. She’s super fun and nice. Are you really that afraid of being around other Littles?] Cici wonders, with the same tactless approach one would expect from a small child.

Lily’s awareness of the outside world returns, slowly and faintly, but it resolves enough to show her that Cici’s hands don’t tremble like hers do. She’s sort of clumsy, and her handwriting is terrible, but she’s not nearly as timid when it comes to playing as Lily is.

She’s playing with blocks and dolls and stuffed animals, weaving a dramatic story with Maisie’s help, whereas Lily would be perfectly content just coloring by herself. Watching the story unfold and feeling Cici’s happiness--however filtered it may be--almost makes her feel...jealous.

{Maisie is really nice. And I’m not afraid, it just makes me uncomfortable. They’re all so unpredictable and disorganized and loud…}

[So? That’s part of what makes it so much fun! It’s not like anything really bad can happen to you anyway. There’s grown-ups everywhere, and they’re always watching] Cici points out.

{I know that, it’s just…} Lily sighs.

[You know what I think? I think you’re scared you might like it. Grown-up, potty-mouth Lily might actually like having someone take care of her. She might not hate being in diapers, or drinking from bottles and sippy cups, or even taking naps.] Cici’s voice turns smug.

Cici’s words hit entirely too close to home for Lily’s comfort. It’s not really surprising that she knows all that, because they do share the same mind after all, but it’s jarring and unpleasant to hear it spoken aloud. Lily grits her teeth.

{You know what? Just fucking forget it. Have fun shitting yourself.}

[You’re really mean…] Cici’s voice is watery and soft, like she’s about to cry.

{You’re not actually gonna cry, are you?} Lily wonders, feeling surprisingly guilty over the possibility.

Cici doesn’t respond.

Lily sighs again.

Shit…

~CSR~

“Sweetie, are you okay?” Maisie wonders, pulling Cici into a hug. “What’s wrong?”

Cici returns the hug before speaking. “I’m okay. Lily’s just being a meanie. She’s mad ‘cause I told her the truth.”

“The truth about what, honey?” Maisie wonders, rubbing Cici’s back.

“That she’s afraid of being a Little because she might like it.” Cici explains. “I mean, I know that’s not the only reason she doesn’t like it, but it’s a big one. I just wish I could help.”

Maisie nods. “I understand that. I’ll admit, I’m not really sure how everything works between you two, but I do know that sometimes we need to let people go at their own speed. Trying to force someone to accept something isn’t very nice, even if it might help them in the long run.”

Cici frowns. “But it’s stupid! She’s gonna keep hurting herself--and me--by fighting it so much.”

“That must be pretty scary.” Maisie concedes. “But we can’t force people to do what we want. Even if we’re trying to help. People need to be allowed to make their own choices.”  

“Even if it hurts other people?” Cici wonders.

Maisie nods sadly. “Sometimes. I wish things didn’t have to be that way.”

{I’m not hurting you.} Lily says acidly.

[Yes you are!] Cici replies angrily. 

{I said a sort-of-mean thing to you, big deal. That’s not the same as me hurting you. Grow the fuck up.} Lily snaps.

[How would you feel if someone was trying to pretend you didn’t exist all the time?] Cici fires back.

{I would fucking ignore them back. I don’t see what the problem is.} Lily replies.

[You’re a butthead, Lily! You don’t gots any friends, and now I know why! I don’ wanna be your friend either!] Cici says, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks.

{I don’t want to be your friend either, you dumb brat! I want my life back! I want my cigarettes, and a beer, and to be as far away from you as humanly possible.} Lily gripes.

“Are you okay?” Maisie wonders, patting Cici’s back and interrupting her silent conversation with Lily.

“No…” Cici sniffles. “Lily said she doesn’t want to be friends with me. And, she said I was a dumb brat.”

“Oh,” Maisie pulls Cici into a hug. “Well that wasn’t very nice of her was it? You’re certainly not dumb, or a brat. I’ll definitely be having a talk with her about that. For now, you have an appointment with Miss Bright, and then I’ll come to get you for some quality time, okay?”

Cici just nods. “Okay,” Her tummy rumbles ominously, and she hesitates to reach for Maisie to be carried. She allows herself a little smile as she realizes how to get Lily back for being so mean.

{Don’t you dare, you little shit!} Lily protests immediately.

[I warned you what would happen if you kept bein’ a poopy-head]. Cici replies, and allows nature to take its course, before reaching for Maisie.

“I’m ready to go to Miss Bright now.” she says.

Maisie chuckles. “I don’t think so, cutie. Let’s take care of that stinky diaper first, and then we can go.” Maisie lifts Cici onto her hip.

{Cici, that’s disgusting!} Lily seethes.

[Not really. It’s not that bad, and besides, it’s what Littles do.] Cici fires back.

{Not all of them! And especially not me.} Lily growls.

Cici gives a little wiggle in response. [Really? ‘Cause, um, this diaper is definitely full. You can take over now, I’m pooped.] Cici allows herself to giggle at her own joke.

{Cici, you little shit--} Lily begins, but Cici doesn’t allow her to finish.

[Well, that was a silly thing to say,] Cici interrupts, before surrendering control back to Lily.

~CSR~

+Lily+

“Cici, you little shit!” Lily snarls angrily, her upper lip curling both at the sensation in her diaper, and the rolling in her stomach that accompanies their switch. If her stomach hadn’t already been empty, she thinks she’d probably throw up again.

[Serves you right, you rotten, terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad, meanie!] Cici’s voice reverberates inside Lily’s head.

{I hope someone puts gum in your hair you big baby.} Lily snaps back.

[It’s your hair too, stupid!] Cici points out.

{I can handle a short haircut for a while.} Lily answers

Maisie clears her throat, and Lily winces.

“I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

[Ha-ha, Lily got in trouble!] Cici sing-songs, sounding entirely too pleased with herself.

{Can it, twerp!} Lily snaps back, grinding her teeth in frustration.

(That’s enough out of both of you. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.) Aden intones calmly.

[Fine!] Cici grumbles. 

{Fine!} Lily replies simultaneously.

Maisie nods. “Yes, you did.”

"Sorry.” Lily says automatically, wrinkling her nose. “Oh, yuck...this is so gross!”

“We’re going to change your diaper right now, Lily. Just, try not to squirm around too much, you’ll just make it worse.” Maisie explains.

“I can’t believe that brat did this to me!” Lily complains. “I’m not the one who wanted to be in a diaper, and I don’t think I should be the one to suffer for other people’s choices!” She pouts.

“Cici didn’t seem to mind all that much.” Maisie points out.

“Yeah, well I’m not Cici!” Lily shouts.

[Yeah, you are. Just ‘cause you don’t call yourself that doesn’t mean that we aren’t the same.] Cici admonishes, sounding entirely too smug for Lily’s liking.

{Fuck. Off.} Lily snaps.

[Aden, Lily’s being mean again!] Cici whines.

“There’s no need to yell, Lily. I understand that you’re upset, but please use your inside voice.” Maisie reminds her.

“Okay,” Lily says dejectedly. Keeping track of her conversation with Maisie in addition to Cici and Aden is giving her a headache.

{No one likes a tattle-tale, Cici.} Lily scolds, and she gets the very distinctive impression that Cici is sticking her tongue out in response.

[Yeah? Well no one likes getting peed on either!] Cici snaps.

{What the hell are you talking about?} Lily wonders. {Are you threatening to make me pee on Maisie when I get changed?}

[Yep. Unless you say you’re sorry for being a meanie.] Cici bargains.

{Not a chance you brat.} Lily grumbles. {You can’t make me do that anyway.}

[I can make you do lots of things, Lily. I just don’t because I’m nice.] Cici replies.

{No you can’t!} Lily counters.

[You don’t believe me? Watch this.] Cici’s voice takes on a threatening undertone, and Lily’s eyes immediately well up with tears.

“Aww, it’s okay. It’s just a dirty diaper, we’ll have you all cleaned up in no time.” Maisie soothes, rubbing Lily’s back.

{Why am I crying? Cici, stop this!} Lily commands.

[No.] Cici answers bitterly. [Not ‘til you say ‘sorry’!]

True to her word, Maisie makes quick work out of getting Lily cleaned up once they arrive at the changing station.

“Do you want a pull-up, or another diaper, Lily?” Maisie wonders.

“Diaper,” Lily says in a quiet voice through her tears, her lips moving without her consent.

{No! Cici, stop!}

[I can work you like a puppet you butthead. Say sorry, or else it’s gonna get even worse!]

Lily’s head throbs.

“Okay, that’s no problem. I was kind of expecting you to go for the pull-up, but if you don’t feel up to using the potty right now, that’s fine.” Maisie says as she fastens the tapes securely, and lifts Lily back onto her hip.

“Can I have my paci?” Lily’s voice sounds small and afraid, not like her normal speaking voice at all.

{Cut it out!} Lily fumes. {I don’t want a pacifier!}

[Really? I coulda sworn you just asked for one…] Cici replies smugly.

Maisie looks at Lily quizzically for a moment before complying with her request. “Here you go, sweetie. I didn’t think you’d want a pacifier, but it’s fine if you changed your mind about it. Let’s dry those tears, and we’ll go and see Miss Bright, okay?” Maisie’s voice is soft and soothing.

“Okay,” Lily replies around her pacifier. She tries to spit it out, but finds that she’s sucking on it instead. Her tears slowly subside as Maisie comforts her. Really, it’s Cici’s doing, but there’s no way for Maisie to know that.

[I’m waiting…] Cici says.

{Fine. I’m sorry. Are you happy now?} Lily snaps.

[I dunno. That was a pretty grumpy apology...I’ll tell you what: apology accepted, but, now you’re gonna want to have your pacifier close by all the time. You’ll get super anxious if you don’t have it, and I won’t even hafta do anything!] Cici giggles malevolently.

Lily feels a chill crawl up her spine. {What?}

[I’m gonna make you get anxious when you don’t have your paci with you! Won’t that be fun? Maybe it will remind you to be nice to me. If that doesn’t work, you’ll be drinking from a bottle, and if that doesn’t work, then I’ll take your potty-training too!] Cici warns.

{You can’t do that! This is my body, not a toy for you to play with!} Lily growls.

[Doesn’t look that way from where I’m standing. You better be nice to me from now on, Lily. I mean it.] Cici tells her.

Lily sighs.

Fuck my life.
 

[Jayme]

I wonder if this is what has happened to other Littles that has apparently "snapped"...

[bje]

Thank you for story until now. It was interesting and good, but I skipped this chapter and wont read any more as reading has become too hard. These colors are too confusing and hard to read.

[BabySofia]

I agree the color scheme is not helping to read it. I think one of the problems is that you're using the pinks and purples. While cute, with the white background it is really hard to focus on it. Add onto the fact that if there are any colorblind readers, shades of red are among the worst colors to use. Darker Greens and Blues and a Brown might be more successful there? 

I unfortunately think she's well on her way to snapping and ending up institutionalized for the rest of her life.

[the diaper mike]

Because of the type of world we are in with the story series she will not end up in an institution  she is having definitely having an inner battle with herself awesome chapters please continue

[Disk]

Ooo, I'm conflicted on whether to write a medical essay here Sorry if im overly verbose, isolation has made me abit over eager

So I find it pretty unlikely that she would realistically end up institutionalised long term. A period of in patient treatment for her emergent DID is probably on the cards. This would also be the case for any stress induced or mood/anxiety disorders she may develop as a result of her chrysalis.

Ultimately, using our world as a guide, the goal would be to reintroduce her into the community in a setting appropriate for her needs. DID can absolutely be managed as a normal outpatient living in the community, though ongoing stress and mood disorders may necessitate a supported living environment.

Given her need for a caretaker, which essentially amounts to full time one to one care, she's pretty much community bound.

There has been a large shift away from institutionalised care in the past 40 years. Basically only threats to the public or the individual would be considered for such. So essentially those with criminal tendencies, severe schizophrenia/schizophrenic dementia and those with severe dementia unmanageable outside of a standard nursing home setting.

Sorry for the essay, no condisention intended, life not going so well and the opertunity to flex the cognitive muscles kinda opens the verbal floodgates.

 

[Brutal_Ink]

2 hours ago, bje said:

Thank you for story until now. It was interesting and good, but I skipped this chapter and wont read any more as reading has become too hard. These colors are too confusing and hard to read.

 

1 hour ago, BabySofia said:

I agree the color scheme is not helping to read it. I think one of the problems is that you're using the pinks and purples. While cute, with the white background it is really hard to focus on it. Add onto the fact that if there are any colorblind readers, shades of red are among the worst colors to use. Darker Greens and Blues and a Brown might be more successful there? 

I unfortunately think she's well on her way to snapping and ending up institutionalized for the rest of her life.

Colors have been removed, hopefully that helps.

[Galdamax]

Hi Brutal_Ink, hope you are well. Is this a story you intended to continue? It a super enjoyable read and seeing into the mind of someone in this situation is a great take.

Plus the world building is great!

 

Looking forward to more 

[Brutal_Ink]

Sorry for the long wait everyone, work has been crazy busy lately. Thank you all for your patience!

#####

Chapter 12: Event Horizon

Lily’s hands are trembling.

The cup of water Miss Bright’s given her to drink sloshes down the front of her shirt, and she doesn’t even have the energy to be mad about it.

“Oh.” Is all she says, in a quiet, tremulous voice.

Her right hand comes up to hold the cup still, though that’s more Cici’s doing than her own.

It’s a strange and terrifying thing for Cici to have so much control over her actions. She may as well be watching a movie about her life, rather than actually participating in it for all the control she has.

At least with two hands she can actually quench her thirst…

She lets out a long, tired sigh.

“Did you say I have a visitor?” Lily wonders, she hadn’t really been paying too much attention to what Miss Bright had said. “I thought that wasn’t allowed…”

Miss Bright nods. “I did. You’re allowed to have visitors as long as they pass a background check. Visitors can be very helpful in these kinds of facilities, especially given the symptoms you’ve been having lately.” Miss Bright pauses to consult her notes.

“Oh, okay.” Is all Lily says.

“Speaking of which, have you been taking your medicine, Lily?”

Lily nods. “Yeah.”

“How have you been feeling? Is the medication helping?”

[Do you think it’s been helping?] Cici wonders

{I don’t know! You won’t leave me alone!} Lily replies in a huff.

[Do you want me to leave you alone?] Cici wonders, sounding surprisingly sincere.

{Yes!} Lily answers.

[Okay.] Cici says, and then there’s a strange quieting in Lily’s head.

{Hello?} Lily says, probing, but there’s no response.

Hello? Is anyone there?

Compared to the noise of the last several days, it’s almost too quiet. She’s never really understood the meaning of an oppressive silence until now. The lack of noise in her head is unnerving, after putting up with Cici’s companionship over the last week and a half, being alone with her own thoughts isn’t the relief she’d thought it would be.

“Lily? Are you listening?” Miss Bright’s brows draw together in concern.

“Huh? Oh, I guess it’s been helping a little…” Lily admits quietly. Uncomfortable with the direction their conversation has taken, she sticks her pacifier in her mouth to indicate that she’s done speaking for the moment. The trembling in her hands eases.

“I’m glad to hear that, Lily. If you start to feel unwell after taking it, make sure to let Maisie or me know, okay? We can adjust the dosage to see if that helps, and if it doesn’t, there are plenty of other things we can try.” Miss Bright says.

Lily just nods.

“Are you ready to go and see your visitor, Lily?” Miss Bright wonders.

Lily sucks a little harder on her pacifier, anxious and worried about who could possibly have come to see her. It’s hard to imagine that Alex or Darren would want to visit her, and as much as she doesn’t want to admit it, she doesn’t really have any friends besides them…

[Oh, for crying out loud! Just tell her you’re nervous! She’s not gonna bite you, pinky promise.] Cici intones, sounding a bit frustrated. [I know you said you wanted quiet, but this is just painful to watch.]

{No...it’s okay. I just don’t want her to think I’m...you know…}

[Even if you’re not wearing one right now, Maisie and Miss Bright have both changed your stinky diapers already. And, they haven’t made fun of you either, so I don’t think you need to worry...Did you miss me?]

{No...Well, maybe a little.}

[I knew it!]

{Alright, alright, you don’t have to rub it in.}

Lily takes a breath and nods again. “Yes, Miss Bright.” She pauses for a moment before adding: “Can...can Maisie come with me? Please?” She feels very small and vulnerable, admitting that she doesn’t feel comfortable facing her visitor alone, but Miss Bright doesn’t seem to be judging her for it.

“Of course she can, if that would make you feel more comfortable.” Miss Bright says with a smile. “You’re doing much better with communication Lily, I’m proud of you.”

Lily feels her face heat up a bit at the compliment. “Thank you,” she replies quietly.

[See? Toldja!] Cici says, and Lily gets the distinctive impression that she’s smiling.

{Yeah, I guess you were right.}

Miss Bright waits with Lily until Maisie shows up to collect her.

Lily fidgets a bit, both because she’s nervous, and because she has to pee. She hasn’t reached the ‘emergency’ crisis point yet, but it’s definitely at the point where she should probably say something…

[Are you gonna say something?] Cici wonders.

{I will, just not right now…} Lily answers.

[Why? I thought you didn’t want to be in diapers...] Cici points out.

{I just...I don’t know.} Lily admits.

And then, almost as if she’s been listening to the conversation happening in Lily’s head, Miss Bright says:

“Lily, do you need to go potty?”

Lily shakes her head. “I’m okay.”

Miss Bright doesn’t seem convinced, and she takes Lily by the hand and leads her over to the bathroom. “Let’s try anyway, okay? You’re getting awfully squirmy over there…”

Lily sighs. She knows that arguing over it is useless, especially when she actually does need to go. She heads into the bathroom and sits down on the toilet, and she’s grateful for Miss Bright’s insistence that she at least try, because she’d had to go a lot worse than she’d realized.

She finishes doing her business and washes her hands before heading back out to Miss Bright.

Miss Bright checks her pull-up--after being here for almost a month at this point, it’s not really so embarrassing anymore.

“All clean and dry. Good job!” Miss Bright praises.

 Then, Maisie breezes into the room, scooping Lily into a hug. “Hi sweetie! Are you ready to go see your visitor?” She asks, settling Lily onto her hip.

Lily allows herself to cuddle with Maisie for a moment before answering. “Yeah...Who is it?”

“Somebody named Alex. She seemed pretty excited to see you.” Maisie explains, rubbing Lily’s back.

“Oh.” Lily’s heart drops into her stomach. She’s glad that Alex has come to see her, but she isn’t sure that she can face her former roommate now that she’s so...different. She can feel her hands beginning to tremble again, and puts her pacifier in her mouth to try and keep the tremors at bay.

[It’ll be okay.] Cici says gently.

{Thanks,} Lily replies.

The Visitation Room is large and open, with couches and tables to sit at. There’s enough space that private conversations can be had, but it’s not so open as to feel cavernous. There are a few staff members around the edges of the room, not obtrusive or overbearing, just there in case they’re needed.

Alex is sitting on one of the couches, dressed in jeans and a long t-shirt, and there’s a small bag in her lap. 

Maisie sets Lily down on the ground and gives her a nudge toward Alex. “Go on and say ‘hi’. I’ll be right here if you need me, okay?”

Lily swallows hard and nods. “Okay.” Her feet feel like they’re made of lead as she walks over toward Alex. Her mouth works around her pacifier, suckling desperately to try and calm herself down.

“Hey,” Alex says, pulling Lily into a hug. “I missed you.”

Tears spring to Lily’s eyes, and she presses her face into Alex’s shoulder. “I missed you too…” Lily replies, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

Alex rubs Lily’s back. “It’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes; what’s important is to learn from them. How are you doing, hon? You look like you’ve lost some weight since you’ve been here. Are they feeding you?”

Lily nods. “Yeah. I...I’m okay. I just haven’t had much of an appetite lately.” She admits. It’s a side-effect of her medication, but she doesn’t feel ready to tell Alex about all that yet.

“I’m sure it’s a really big adjustment to be here. I miss you, you know. I know I’m not a caregiver, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like having you around. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t welcome or something before all this happened.” Alex’s face twists.

“I didn’t feel that way at all.” Lily reassures her quickly. “I know I wasn’t always easy to deal with. I’m sorry about that too.”

“It’s okay. I was just really stressed out from work, and I took some of that out on you. That was wrong of me, and I apologize. I even brought a little peace offering.” Alex explains, withdrawing a small plush octopus from the bag in her lap and presenting it to Lily.

The octopus is a pale blue color, with big, happy eyes and a silly smile.

[Aw, he’s so cute!] Cici squeals excitedly.

Lily smiles, a real, genuine smile for the first time in what feels like ages. “Thank you! He’s adorable!”

Alex smiles back at her, reaching out to ruffle her hair. “I’m glad you like him. I just want you to know that even though you’ll probably be living with a Caregiver after all this is over, you’re more than welcome to visit, if you want. I don’t even mind babysitting on occasion.”

Lily blinks, touched by Alex’s offer. “Really?”

Alex nods. “Of course. It wouldn’t be any trouble at all.”

“Even if…” Lily trails off and swallows hard before continuing. “Even if I’m in diapers now?” It’s not entirely true--pull-ups don’t really count--but it seems like the best option to at least be open about that with Alex.

“That’s probably for the best, hmm? I don’t mind that either, Lily, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve changed your butt if you end up needing it when you’re visiting me.”

Lily’s cheeks heat up immediately at that statement. “Yeah.” She says quietly. “I guess not. Are you sure it’s okay? I can be um...really little sometimes…”

Alex just shrugs, almost like she’d been expecting to hear that. “It’s really not a big deal, I promise.”

“It’s not like...It’s different from before.” Lily hedges, unwilling to tell Alex exactly what’s been going on recently. “It’s hard to explain.”

[Want to just show her? I won’t do anything crazy, I promise.] Cici wonders.

“Take your time.” Alex says gently.  “I have off work today anyway. I didn’t want to have to cut our visit short.”

“Oh...Maybe it’s better if I show you.”

{Sure. Okay. Just let me watch what’s happening.} Lily requests.

[Okay. Here we go...]

***CSR***

Cici

Cici clenches her jaw and swallows hard. 

The nausea passes quickly, but throwing up on Alex would not make for a good first impression. The warm rush in her pull-up can’t be helped though.

She slips her pacifier into her mouth, thankful that Maisie had clipped it to her shirt, and looks at Alex inquisitively. There’s no real way for her to know that Cici’s in control now, and it wouldn’t do at all to do something completely out of character for Lily to get the message across.

“Hi.” She says around the pacifier, her voice soft and demure, barely above a whisper. She shuffles a bit closer, so she can stand between Alex’s legs. She reaches toward Alex and quietly murmurs: “Up?”

Alex smiles at her and lifts Cici into her lap. “Of course!” she answers, giving Cici a comforting squeeze. “You’re not usually this clingy, but I don’t mind. And that pacifier is really cute.” 

Cici’s blush belongs as much to Lily as it does to her. “Thank you,” she says, snuggling up to Alex.

“You’re welcome,” Alex answers, rubbing Cici’s back. If she’s uncomfortable with a greater degree of tactile affection, she doesn’t show it. They stay that way for a few moments until Cici squirms free form Alex’s lap. She feels a mounting pressure in her tummy, and although she’s not about to ask to be taken to the potty, she doesn’t want to do her business in Alex’s lap either…

She settles for ducking behind the couch instead. Cici does her best to be quiet while she relieves herself, but the mess is much larger than she’d thought it would be, and she isn’t entirely successful in muffling her noises of effort.

Alex chuckles. “You okay back there, Lil?”

“Mhmm…” Cici says absently as she finishes, waddling around to face Alex again. Her pull-up has contained her accident, so far as she can tell, but she knows she needs to get changed sooner rather than later.

Fortunately, Maisie comes to her rescue before she has to explain herself to Alex.

“We’ll be right back.” Maisie says quickly, scooping Cici up.

Alex doesn’t even seem fazed by Cici’s accident, she just nods and says: “Alright, I’ll be here.”

Cici allows Lily to take control again once they’re away from Alex.

Lily

{Did you really have to poop? At least in front of Alex?} Lily wonders, the residual embarrassment that lingers is enough to make her cheeks feel warm.

[You know the answer to that. I’m sorry, I really couldn’t help it okay? I wasn’t trying to make you look bad or anything.]

Lily sighs. {I know. I’d just have preferred not to have a load in my pants the first time she sees me in over a month…}

[Yeah...I can understand that. Sorry again.]

{Don’t worry about it. It probably would have happened eventually anyway.}

“Penny for your thoughts?” Maisie wonders as she lays Lily down on the changing table and gets to work cleaning her up.

“I was just thinking…” Lily replies absently.

“Your friend seems nice.” Maisie points out. “She must really have missed you to take time off work to come and visit.”

Lily nods. “Yeah. I didn’t tell her about my medications or anything though. She might not like that so much. I don’t want her to think I’m...crazy.”

“That’s not really something she needs to know about right now. I doubt that she’d think you’re crazy, but you don’t need to say anything about it if you’re not comfortable.” Maisie tells her.

“Okay.” Lily says.

“If the medication doesn’t help, then we may need to transfer you to a different facility for some more intensive treatment. Alex will still be able to visit you there if it comes to that though.”

“Oh.” Is all Lily says. She’d kind of figured that, but hearing it cemented out loud is a whole different beast. She sucks in a shaky breath and tries to put it out of her mind as Maisie finishes taping on her new diaper. 

Lily doesn’t even bother to protest.

“All done!” Maisie says cheerfully, lifting Lily onto her hip.

“Thanks.” Lily says in a quiet voice. “Can we go see Alex again now?”

Maisie gives her a comforting squeeze. “Of course we can, sweetheart.”
 

[kerry]

Glad to see this back. I really like this world you've created.

[Brutal_Ink]

Sorry for the long wait everyone, I got busy with life stuff and lost my mojo for a bit. I hope you all enjoy the next part! Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think!

#####

Chapter 13: Schwartzchild Radius

 

Lily

 

“Um, are you okay?” Lily wonders.

 

Erin is across from her at the Arts-and-Crafts station, with an almost pained expression on her face. She’s probably the closest thing to a friend Lily has besides Maisie, and it makes her sort of sad to see that Erin is uncomfortable.

 

“Yeah.” Erin replies, her voice a bit strained. She shifts and stands up, leaning over the table and sighing. “‘M just pooping…”

 

Lily immediately regrets asking, but she’s also relieved that nothing serious is wrong. “Oh,” is all she says in response, and then busies herself as best she can with the play dough in front of her.

 

Erin’s noises of effort, while not obnoxiously loud, are distracting, and she ends up sort of watching her anyway. It’s kind of like seeing a bad car accident–Lily knows she probably shouldn’t stare, but at the same time, she can’t help herself.

 

Erin wiggles a bit when she’s finished. “Whoa…” she says, her cheeks coloring a bit as she smiles; whether it’s from embarrassment or relief, Lily can’t say for sure. But, she thinks it’s probably a little of both…

 

Erin turns around to retrieve a coloring book from the shelf behind her, and it’s immediately obvious that she’s in urgent need of a new diaper, even through the loose clothing she’s wearing.

 

{Wow…} Cici murmurs. {She must’ve really had to go!}

 

[Can we not talk about this, please? It’s gross.] Lily replies.

 

{Why? It’s just poop, everybody does it, and there’s even a book that says so.} Cici counters, sounding entirely too pleased with herself.

 

[Please?]

 

{Ugh. Fine. You’re such a wet blanket sometimes. Even you’ve had poopy pants before, I’m not sure why you’re so squeamish about it now.}

 

[Never in a diaper though.]  Lily points out, frowning.

 

{Not yet. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything; but I think you know that it’s gonna happen eventually anyway.}

 

Lily just ignores Cici’s comment and goes back to making her snowman out of the blue play dough. It’s sort of frustrating, because her hands are shaking too badly to get the segments to stack on top of each other; they just keep falling over. Lily sighs and smashes them all back together–maybe she’ll make a big snake instead…

 

Erin just sits down and continues coloring like nothing’s even happened. Even though the smell is a dead giveaway.

 

It’s not unbearable, but any of the room monitors will know immediately that one of them needs a change if they happen to come and check on them. Lily resolves not to say anything to the Room Monitors about it, since she knows how irritating it is to be interrupted in the middle of a coloring project.

 

“Doesn’t that bother you?” Lily wonders.

 

“Nope. I don’t mind sitting in a dirty diaper. I don’t wanna be in it for a long time, but it’s okay for now.”

 

“Oh…okay then.” Lily says.

 

“Uh-oh! Somebody needs a diaper change!” Miss Niki says as she comes over to check on them. “Anyone wanna ‘fess up?”

 

Lily resists the urge to remind Miss Niki that pull-ups and diapers aren’t the same thing, and she’s a little proud of herself for remembering to hold her tongue. “I’m not stinky.” She says, and immediately scolds herself for using such childish language. 

 

Miss Niki checks her pull-up anyway though.

 

“Oof! Pee-Yew!” Miss Niki says animatedly as she tugs on the waistband of Erin’s diaper. “I bet your tummy feels lots better now, huh? Let’s go and get your butt changed, okay? You can come back and play some more with Lily when you’re all clean.”

 

“Okay!” Erin says, giggling at the expression on Miss Niki’s face as she’s carried away to the changing room.

 

No sooner has the door closed, than Lily becomes extremely aware that she desperately needs to pee. Lily squirms, chewing her bottom lip nervously. 

 

The L-2/L-3 playroom has its own bathroom, but the bathroom doesn’t have a toilet inside. There’s a changing station, a sink, and a tub for the really messy changes, but no toilet.

 

Which normally wouldn’t be a problem, since everyone in this playroom is in diapers, but Lily has been stubbornly clinging to her toilet training regardless.

 

Well, as much as she’s been able too, anyway. Her control is slipping for sure, but she still gets enough warning to make it to the toilet as long as it’s close by…most of the time.

 

However, the main issue is that the closest toilet is in the next room over, and she can’t leave this room without a grown-up–room monitor–she corrects herself.

 

The most important part of all is that now Miss Niki is tied up taking care of Erin, and Lily is becoming more and more certain that she’ll have an accident before she has the opportunity to go to the bathroom.

 

[Why are you being so dumb, Lily?] Cici wonders.

 

{I’m not being dumb. I just don’t want to pee my pants. I don’t know why that’s a problem for you…} Lily grumbles in response. She’s grateful to have something to take her mind off the ever-increasing pressure in her bladder; but this isn’t a subject she’d like to focus on.

 

[It’s not a problem. I just don’t understand why you wanna be uncomfy just so you can sit on some dumb chair with a hole in it. You’d feel much better if you’d just go and it’s not like anyone here will be mad at you anyway.] Cici points out.

 

{You don’t get it. It’s not about using the pot–toilet–it’s about what it represents. I won’t be reduced to a pants-wetting drool factory…} Lily continues.

 

[Y’know, you’re totally missing the point of being here. It’s supposed to teach you to make good choices, and you just wanna fight about everything. It’s stupid, and it’s not gonna help you. Nobody cares if you’re in a diaper or pull-up besides you, and the more you try to fight being a Little, the less fun this place is going to be.]

 

{I didn’t ask for advice.} Lily snaps.

 

[Well, you’re gonna hear it anyway. I hafta be stuck in here watching you squirm around like somebody poured sand down your pants, when you could just go and get changed when Miss Niki is done. The next potty break isn’t for like 10 minutes anyway, and we both know you’d be lucky to last half that.] Cici counters, and Lily gets the distinct impression that she’s rolling her eyes.

 

{Since you’re so smart, what do you think I should do, miss bossy pants. You act like you’ve got this place all figured out, so what do you suggest?} Lily grumbles, folding her arms.

 

[Just pee already! You’re not gonna make it to the potty, and then you’re gonna cry and then you’re gonna miss another seminar about how to make good choices and how to decide what to do when you’re in a tricky spot. Which is what got us here in the first place. Your three months is about half over, and you're like five seminars short. You have time to make them up and still get out on time, but not if you keep on like this. Don't you ever wanna get out of here?] Cici complains.

 

{Of course I do!} Lily answers, her eyes welling up with angry tears. {You don’t get it…}

 

[You’re right. I don’t] Cici agrees, but she doesn’t say anything further.

 

After what feels like an eternity, the door to the changing room opens and Erin scurries back over to the table and resumes her coloring.

 

Lily reaches out and grabs Miss Niki’s shirt as she walks by, too afraid to move any more than that for fear of wetting herself.

 

“Yes, cutie? What’s up?” Miss Niki wonders, crouching next to Lily’s chair.

 

“I hafta pee really bad!” Lily whisper-yells urgently.

 

Miss Niki wastes no time, scooping Lily up and heading for the other playroom. “Oh! Good job for telling me honey, let’s hurry!” 

 

They arrive at the bathroom in what has to be some kind of record time, but no sooner has Miss Niki set Lily down to help her with her pants, then Lily loses the battle to keep her pull-up dry. In the small, enclosed space, it’s not difficult for Lily to hear it happening, a split second before she feels it happening, and she bursts into tears.

 

“Oh, sweetheart…” Miss Niki says, pulling Lily into a hug. “It’s okay, accidents happen. We almost made it, we just need a little bit more of a heads-up next time, that’s all.” She explains, like it isn’t a big deal at all that Lily has just wet herself.

 

It still feels like a monumental failure to Lily, especially when she feels a warm trickle making its way down the inside of her leg.

 

Miss Niki rubs Lily’s back. “Poor little one, you really had to go, didn’t you?”

 

Lily nods. “‘M sorry…” she wails.

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Lily. As soon as you’re done, we’ll have you all clean and dry in no time.”

 

Somehow, that’s not very comforting, especially given what it means for Lily.

 

Lily is still for another moment or two, the wet patches on the insides of her thighs and probably also around her bottom steadily growing larger until she’s finally done. Even her socks, she realizes through her tears, haven’t been spared.

 

“Are you all done, babe?” Miss Niki wonders.

 

Words are far away, blocked by the shame and embarrassment Lily feels, and her dread of what’s to come. She can only nod in response. 

 

“Okay.” Miss Niki says, pressing a kiss to Lily’s forehead. “You’re not in trouble and I’m not mad at you, I promise. Can Miss Niki help you get cleaned up?”

 

Lily nods again. She would much rather have Maisie do it, but that would require her to speak–and she’s sort of afraid of hurting Miss Niki’s feelings by asking for someone else when she’s been so nice to her.

 

“Alright munchkin.” Miss Niki says, opening the cabinet under the sink to take out the supplies she needs to help Lily. She spreads the changing mat out in front of her and gently lays Lily down on it.

 

Lily just lets Miss Niki maneuver her as she pleases, going limp and pliant; too upset with herself to put up any sort of fight.

 

“Let’s get these icky wet clothes off.” Miss Niki says, though she doesn’t seem to expect a response from Lily. “That’s better!” she continues with a big, cheerful smile and Lily smiles a little in response.

 

Miss Niki gives a surprised gasp. “Is that a smile I see?” She wonders, tickling Lily’s sides just long enough to elicit a giggle.

 

Lily squirms a bit when the cold wipes touch her skin, but she does her best to stay still and be good. It’s only when Miss Niki starts unfolding the diaper that she tenses up again, but not enough to cause trouble for Miss Niki.

 

“Diapee?” Lily wonders as her legs are lifted, finding her words again for a moment. It’s not what she meant to say, but she doesn’t get the same lightheaded feeling that she does when Cici is using her to speak.

 

“Yes, little one, it’s a diaper, that’s right.” Miss Niki praises with a smile as she finishes powdering Lily’s bum and tapes the diaper on snugly. “You’re not being punished, okay Lily? We’re just gonna take a little break from worrying about the potty, and then we’ll try again in a few days if you want, okay?”

 

Lily nods.

 

Miss Niki gently tugs Lily’s hands away from her mouth before helping her to stand up. “Don’t chew on your fingers sweetheart, your hands are dirty and you might get sick. I can get you a binky when we go back to the playroom if you want though. Would you like that?”

 

“Mhmm,” Lily says before she can stop herself as Miss Niki helps her into a dry pair of sweatpants and socks.

 

“Okay, we can do that. I don’t have any spare shoes for you here, so we’ll have to stay inside for now, okay? I’m sure we can find something fun to do when the rest of the group goes to outside playtime in a bit though.”

 

“Visit Maisie?” Lily wonders.

 

“I think that can be arranged.” Miss Niki says, patting Lily’s bottom. “All done. I bet it feels much better to be all dry, doesn’t it?”

 

Lily nods. The diaper really isn’t that bad, and throwing a fit about it won’t change anything. And, she’s too drained to pretend to hate it at the moment. She expects Cici to pipe up and tease her about this new development, but she is silent.

 

“Let’s wash our hands, and then we’ll go back and play some more, okay? Can you do it yourself or do you need help?” Miss Niki wonders as she gathers Lily’s wet things into a plastic bag and dropping them in the laundry chute across from the toilet.

 

“Lily do it.” Lily responds, registering that something isn’t quite right about what she’s just said, but unable to put her finger on it. She even hums ‘happy birthday’ so Miss Niki knows that she’s doing it right. 

 

“Good job!” Miss Niki praises, taking a moment to wash her own hands before scooping Lily up again.

 

They return to the playroom, and Erin greets Lily with an enthusiastic wave.

 

Lily waves back and then heads back to her seat across from Erin.

 

“Are you okay?” Erin wonders, looking concerned.

 

“Yeah…I wet my pants.” Lily mumbles, too embarrassed to look Erin in the eye. “And now I gotta be in a diapee…”

 

“Oh,” Erin says, seeming to pick up on Lily’s apprehension. “Well, at least you don’t have to worry about the potty for a bit though. And it’s only for a couple of days, so you don’t have to do it for a long time if you really don’t like it.” Erin lowers her voice to a whisper. “Can I tell you a secret?”

 

Lily perks up immediately–Erin must not think she’s that much of a baby if she wants to tell secrets. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

 

“I kinda like ‘em to be honest. The diapers I mean. I’m a lot less stressed out now that I don’t need to worry about having accidents all the time.” Erin’s cheeks color a bit.

 

“Yeah…that makes sense.” Lily says. “They’re really not as bad as I thought they would be…” she continues, until Erin reaches across the table to grab her wrist.

 

“You probably don’t wanna eat that…” Erin says, and Lily realizes that she’d been about to put her play dough in her mouth. 

 

She blushes and goes back to rolling it into a ball. “Thanks.”

 

Miss Niki comes by and clips a plain yellow pacifier to Lily’s shirt. “You don’t have to use it if you’ve changed your mind, but here you go, just in case.” She says.

 

“Thank you,” Lily says quietly.

 

Miss Niki kisses the top of her head. “You’re welcome sweetie. Play nice now, okay?” she tells them, and then she’s gone.

 

Lily looks down at the pacifier, turning it over in her hands before giving it an experimental suck. It takes her a moment to find her rhythm, but it’s actually kind of nice, she realizes.

 

“You look kinda cute with that Lily.” Erin says, smiling at her. “Don’t be embarrassed. If anyone makes fun of you, I’ll push them into the mud.”

 

Lily giggles despite herself. “Thanks.” she says around the pacifier before going back to her play dough.

 

It’s only when she’s successfully built her snowman, that she realizes that her hands aren’t shaking anymore.

[Flyingsquirrel]

Yay it's so wonderful to see you posting this story again! Welcome back! I enjoyed this chapter, it's nice to see Lily finally accepting some aspects of her new life. Though I may have to go back and reread the rest to make sure I haven't forgotten anything.. 

[BaronBrook]

Thank you for posting this chapter. Your work makes a wonderful Christmas present!

[Princess_August]

I absolutely love the universe you have created for this series. Its so good I've been doing a roleplay with a close friend of mine set in the Classified world. who knows a spinoff story might actually come from it someday. keep up the good work and have a wonderful Christmas 

[Brutal_Ink]

I know it's been a while, but I have been stuck for inspiration, as well as very busy with work, so it took a while to put this chapter together. It's considerably shorter than the other chapters so far, but there's a reason for that. I'm really not one to do content warnings, but I will say that this chapter deals with some dark subject matter at the end. If that's something that bothers you, it might be better to just give this chapter a skip.

 

###

Chapter 14: Spaghettification

 

“Maisie!” Lily cries, practically sprinting into Maisie’s outstretched arms.

Maisie catches her easily, lifting Lily onto her hip and giving her a comforting squeeze. “Hi, sweetheart! I missed you!” 

“I misseded you too!” Lily replies, clinging onto Maisie, unwilling to be put down.

Maisie just pats her bottom and smiles at her–she doesn’t mention the diaper, even though she must notice it. “You look cute with your pacifier, little one.” She says, kissing Lily’s temple.

Lily looks away, a little embarrassed. “Thank you…” she says quietly.

“Thanks for bringing her over, Niki. What time do you need her back by?” Maisie wonders, bouncing Lily a bit on her hip.

Miss Niki checks her watch. “We’ve still got about an hour and twenty minutes left of outside playtime, and after that is lunch, and then naptime. Do you have anything important going on in here?”

Maisie shakes her head. “I’m free until after lunch–they’re all at a Communications Toolbox session until then. I can just bring Lily back over for naptime if that works for you.”
Miss Niki nods. “That’d be fine. Thanks for keeping an eye on her for me; I’d better get out there–poor Ryan is outnumbered.”

“Alright.” Maisie chuckles. “See you later then.”

And then, Lily and Maisie are alone.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had some quality time, hasn’t it hun? What do you wanna do?”

Lily just shrugs and sucks on her pacifier, not bothering to point out that Maisie is the one who put her in the other room to begin with. “I dunno.”

Maisie rubs her back. “Well, we can play in here, or we can play with the toys in the other room.”

“Wan’ go over there.” Lily says, pointing back toward the L-2/L-3 playroom. She almost never gets to play with the Lego sets, and now might just be the perfect opportunity. “We can build Legos?”

Maisie smiles. “Sure! That sounds like lots of fun, munchkin.”  She says as she carries Lily into the L-2/L-3 playroom. “What should we build, sweetheart?”

Lily toddles over to the shelf with the Lego sets, pausing to look them over. She picks out a castle set that looks challenging enough to be fun, but not impossible to finish, and brings it back to Maisie.

“This one!” Lily says excitedly, smiling.

Maisie grins back at her. “Ooh, good choice!”

Lily sits down across from Maisie, dumping out the box to find the instructions and begin sorting through the pieces. By the time she’s actually ready to start building though, she’s somehow ended up in Maisie’s lap.

Maisie doesn’t seem to mind though, patiently helping Lily assemble the pieces. She ends up doing most of the work, Lily is just content to cuddle with Maisie, but thankfully, Maisie doesn’t call her out on not helping.

Lily’s bladder throbs and she just snuggles closer to Maisie and lets go without really thinking about it; if Maisie notices–and she probably does–she doesn’t say anything about it. 

“It looks great, munchkin! You did so good!” Maisie praises, giving Lily a squeeze and kissing her temple.

“Thanks.” Lily mumbles. “You did most of the work though…”

Maisie gives her another squeeze and rocks them a little. “We did it together then. There’s nothing wrong with needing help sometimes, little one. And, it doesn’t mean that your work on something doesn’t matter.”

Lily just frowns. “Okay.” she says quietly. She sighs then, heavily, and her face is wet with tears before she can really even register that she’s crying.

“Shh,” Maisie says, in an impossibly tender voice. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.”

Lily just presses her face into Maisie’s shoulder and sobs. She’s really not even sure why she’s crying; everything just seems like too much. She’s touched by Maisie’s words–they seem true, feel true, resonating with her in a way that hasn’t quite happened before.

Her stomach cramps unpleasantly, her body always chooses the most inopportune times to need the toilet, although at this moment, it hardly seems to matter…

She’s already fallen so far, and lost so much, it’s hard to convince herself that trying to prove that she can be independent anymore is even worth the effort.

So she doesn’t.

Lily shifts, snuggling up to Maisie as she gives things a push before allowing nature to take over.

There’s more than she’d expected, a lot more, but Maisie doesn’t scold her, or even seem grossed out.

Maisie reaches down to pat Lily’s bottom. “Aww, is that why you were so upset? You just had to go poo-poo, huh? I bet you feel so much better now, don’t you sweetheart? Yeah, I think so…” She doesn’t seem to expect Lily to answer, which is strangely comforting.

Lily doesn’t feel like talking anyway. 

She’s content to just cuddle there on Maisie’s lap, as the older girl rubs her back and murmurs soothing things to her. She doesn’t even feel grossed-out by what she’s done–the sensation is different that when Cici does it somehow and her mental counterpart is surprisingly quiet about the whole affair.

And then, the smell hits her, and she becomes acutely more aware of her situation.

What have I done…

Her heart begins to pound as the realization that she’s become the exact thing she’s been trying to avoid begins to sink in.

Lily’s breathing comes fast and harsh, ragged and labored, and instead of Maisie’s hug being comforting, it’s stifling. She squirms free, only managing to do so because Maisie is surprised by it.

Taking advantage of her newfound freedom, she bolts for the door to the outside, thankful that it’s been left slightly ajar because of the nice weather.

Lily pelts onward, tears blurring her vision, though she still manages to avoid being caught. She hurtles over the hot pavement as fast as her legs will carry her. A voice calls out behind her, Maisie probably, but she ignores it as she crosses over onto the nature track that encircles the building. The soft dirt feels better on her feet, but in her haste to get away, she forgets to pay attention to her surroundings.

Her foot catches on an exposed tree root and she tumbles off the pathway, landing in the shallow stream next to the trailway with a mighty splash. 

Coughing and sputtering, Lily scrambles out of the water on the other side, stumbling toward the electrified fence. Her clothes and diaper are waterlogged and uncomfortable, which makes moving difficult, but none of the room monitors have caught up with her yet. 

They’re closing the distance fast though, and Lily isn’t sure she has the strength to climb the fence, but anywhere is better than here, anything is better than allowing herself to settle into the role of an eternal child–something she’s coming dangerously close to already…

A faint buzzing sound and a tingling sensation register once she reaches the fence and she pauses, realizing that even if she wasn’t soaking wet, touching the fence is probably not a good idea.

“Lily, don’t touch the fence!” Maisie shouts, her voice raw and desperate.

Better dead than useless…Lily thinks and reaches outward, fingers brushing against the metal links.

There’s a bright, bluish-white flash, and the breath is driven out of her by the feeling of being kicked by something very large and powerful. It’s painful, but not unbearably so. A wave of dizziness takes hold of her, and the world tilts at a crazy angle, her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

The voices from earlier are closer now, but indecipherable, like she’s listening to the from underwater. Lily’s vision begins to darken as she stares up at the cloudless blue sky, and she feels an overwhelming sense of peace.

If this is the end…it really isn’t so bad.

She thinks, smiling gently as her vision fades into darkness.
 

[kerry]

Yes, Dark, but a well-written and very welcome return of this story.

[Flyingsquirrel]

It's dark but not overly so. I am hoping this is a catalyst to push her forward to a happier future. Thank you for the new chapter! 

[Disk]

Great chapter bud :).

Brutal: This is gonna be dark...

Meanwhile in the diaper dimension...