ABDL vs Incontinence

[Hannah YMS]

Hi all, long time lurker here. I was browsing the Incontinence - Medical subforum today and I got to thinking...

But first, some disclosure: I've been a DL ever since I can remember, but not officially until I was in my teens. I am also now untraining my bladder for UI. I've had incontinence desires for many years, and until recently, have only been speculating on doing it. Until now.

I've been thinking about the various aspects of being ABDL vs being incontinent. Here in the Incontinent-Desires subforum, you see time and time again when someone posts here about wanting to become incontinent, or how to become incontinent, etc., there are a ton of naysayers warning the poster about the consequences of being incontinent. (And with all due respect, it gets old, but that's another topic for another day.) However, today I've been trying to connect some dots and was wondering what you all had to say about it.

This post might get a little long, so bear with me...

Why is it when an incontinent (non-ABDL) person finds the ABDL community and becomes ABDL themselves, for one reason or another, that ABDLs tend to respond (very) favorably by welcoming that person into the club? This seems obvious, right? No one questions this transition and every ABDL that I know of will always respond favorably to this. Because, who doesn't want to share this wonderful community and lifestyle with everyone else?

Now a reciprocal question: Why is it when an ABDL (non-incontinent) person finds the incontinent community and becomes (or tries, or desires, or wishes, or fantasizes to be) incontinent themselves, for one reason or another, that incontinents tend to respond (very) poorly by trying to dissuade that person from joining the club?

Why does it appear to be a one-way street? Arguably, there's more stigma attached to being ABDL than there is to being incontinent. The ABDL community is often used by incontinents as a support group and sometimes (but not always) incontinents become ABDL themselves. Among other reasons, the ABDL members who wish to be incontinent are looking for the same support that ABDLs provide for the incontinent community, but rarely get it. If an incontinent person becomes ABDL themselves, it's often used as a coping mechanism for something they can't control in their lives. From what I read, this is a good thing for that incontinent person and generally makes their mental health about their situation better. Why can't it be the same in reverse? Why is there a stigma within our own community for ABDLs who wish to become incontinent for one reason or another? Shouldn't incontinent people be more reciprocal about letting an ABDL into their community? If not, why not?

Why is there a difference between want and need? Doesn't it occur to people that some ABDLs need to be incontinent (whether or not you agree with that statement) for the betterment of their own mental health? Sure, an incontinent person generally can't change their situation and from their experience, incontinence is a burden, but surely incontinent people can realize that being ABDL is also a burden, but in a different way? Both ABDLs and incontinents need acceptance and understanding. How many ABDLs stop being ABDL because the burden is too high? (To my knowledge, none! One can't not be ABDL once they are ABDL...)

In a way, this can be boiled down to ableism. Or disableism, if you will. Because one has a physical medical necessity to wear diapers, one has the right, so to speak, to feel justified for being placed into that camp against their will. As a life-long ABDL myself, I never had the choice to become ABDL. It just happened that way. ABDLs physically need to wear diapers just as much as incontinents do, but for different reasons. Why do those different reasons matter when it comes down to it? Why does the question of permanence seem to divide our two camps? (I.e., incontinents generally have to wear 24/7 but ABDLs don't have to.)

To be fair, my statements are just generalizations, but I think they are fair generalizations. Maybe there are some ABDLs out there that don't want incontinent people joining the club? And there are definitely some incontinents out there who are okay with ABDLs joining their ranks. But that's where it seems to end.

Why aren't ABDLs naysaying the incontinent people from becoming an ABDL, when it clearly is a far more secretive thing to be ABDL in our society? Society already accepts that some people need to wear diapers for medical reasons, but society has yet to make that leap for ABDLs. Not only are we stigmatized by society, but we stigmatize ourselves. Why is it not okay to become incontinent in order to have that final justification that will equalize the playing field for the both of us? I mean, c'mon, we're all playing the same game here, why not just finally accept the situation both ways and be done with it?

Put another way: Why is it okay for incontinents to become ABDL (a switch from a socially acceptable situation to socially unacceptable behavior) but not for ABDLs to become incontinent (a switch from socially unaccepted behavior to a socially acceptable situation)?

I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why this one-way street situation exists. Wouldn't it be better if we can both support each other both ways?

I could keep going, but I think I'll leave it at that. I hope this becomes a useful discussion. Thanks!

Jon

[scif788]

Hi all, long time lurker here. I was browsing the Incontinence - Medical subforum today and I got to thinking...
But first, some disclosure: I've been a DL ever since I can remember, but not officially until I was in my teens. I am also now untraining my bladder for UI. I've had incontinence desires for many years, and until recently, have only been speculating on doing it. Until now.
I've been thinking about the various aspects of being ABDL vs being incontinent. Here in the Incontinent-Desires subforum, you see time and time again when someone posts here about wanting to become incontinent, or how to become incontinent, etc., there are a ton of naysayers warning the poster about the consequences of being incontinent. (And with all due respect, it gets old, but that's another topic for another day.) However, today I've been trying to connect some dots and was wondering what you all had to say about it.
This post might get a little long, so bear with me...
Why is it when an incontinent (non-ABDL) person finds the ABDL community and becomes ABDL themselves, for one reason or another, that ABDLs tend to respond (very) favorably by welcoming that person into the club? This seems obvious, right? No one questions this transition and every ABDL that I know of will always respond favorably to this. Because, who doesn't want to share this wonderful community and lifestyle with everyone else?
Now a reciprocal question: Why is it when an ABDL (non-incontinent) person finds the incontinent community and becomes (or tries, or desires, or wishes, or fantasizes to be) incontinent themselves, for one reason or another, that incontinents tend to respond (very) poorly by trying to dissuade that person from joining the club?
Why does it appear to be a one-way street? Arguably, there's more stigma attached to being ABDL than there is to being incontinent. The ABDL community is often used by incontinents as a support group and sometimes (but not always) incontinents become ABDL themselves. Among other reasons, the ABDL members who wish to be incontinent are looking for the same support that ABDLs provide for the incontinent community, but rarely get it. If an incontinent person becomes ABDL themselves, it's often used as a coping mechanism for something they can't control in their lives. From what I read, this is a good thing for that incontinent person and generally makes their mental health about their situation better. Why can't it be the same in reverse? Why is there a stigma within our own community for ABDLs who wish to become incontinent for one reason or another? Shouldn't incontinent people be more reciprocal about letting an ABDL into their community? If not, why not?
Why is there a difference between want and need? Doesn't it occur to people that some ABDLs need to be incontinent (whether or not you agree with that statement) for the betterment of their own mental health? Sure, an incontinent person generally can't change their situation and from their experience, incontinence is a burden, but surely incontinent people can realize that being ABDL is also a burden, but in a different way? Both ABDLs and incontinents need acceptance and understanding. How many ABDLs stop being ABDL because the burden is too high? (To my knowledge, none! One can't not be ABDL once they are ABDL...)
In a way, this can be boiled down to ableism. Or disableism, if you will. Because one has a physical medical necessity to wear diapers, one has the right, so to speak, to feel justified for being placed into that camp against their will. As a life-long ABDL myself, I never had the choice to become ABDL. It just happened that way. ABDLs physically need to wear diapers just as much as incontinents do, but for different reasons. Why do those different reasons matter when it comes down to it? Why does the question of permanence seem to divide our two camps? (I.e., incontinents generally have to wear 24/7 but ABDLs don't have to.)
To be fair, my statements are just generalizations, but I think they are fair generalizations. Maybe there are some ABDLs out there that don't want incontinent people joining the club? And there are definitely some incontinents out there who are okay with ABDLs joining their ranks. But that's where it seems to end.
Why aren't ABDLs naysaying the incontinent people from becoming an ABDL, when it clearly is a far more secretive thing to be ABDL in our society? Society already accepts that some people need to wear diapers for medical reasons, but society has yet to make that leap for ABDLs. Not only are we stigmatized by society, but we stigmatize ourselves. Why is it not okay to become incontinent in order to have that final justification that will equalize the playing field for the both of us? I mean, c'mon, we're all playing the same game here, why not just finally accept the situation both ways and be done with it?
Put another way: Why is it okay for incontinents to become ABDL (a switch from a socially acceptable situation to socially unacceptable behavior) but not for ABDLs to become incontinent (a switch from socially unaccepted behavior to a socially acceptable situation)?
I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why this one-way street situation exists. Wouldn't it be better if we can both support each other both ways?
I could keep going, but I think I'll leave it at that. I hope this becomes a useful discussion. Thanks!
Jon

Well said


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Nat]

Incontinence is a medical condition and a disability so same reason why people would, including those with that disability, would be upset if someone wanted to be blind, deaf, autistic, have any other sort of mental illness. 

[Guilyn]

May gets it on the head.  If you hate walking that’s fine, but if you cut your legs off so you can use a wheel chair from now on you might find victims of a mandatory amputation not be so supportive. 

I was an ABDL before I became incontinent. I didn’t plan to be incontinent that’s just the hand life felt me. At first I thought it would be fine, I liked wearing diapers so wearing 24/7 would be great right?  No.  It really wasn’t.  I understand some people become incontinent and it’s everything they ever wanted but there is soooooooo much more to it then, “peeing your pants like a baby.”  Many times ABDLs don’t understand how fundamental their life will change and not in a good way. 

If your someone that is attracted or sexually aroused by diapers you’ve find that’s extremely diminished to gone completely.  It’s like eating your favorite food 24/7, sooner or later you’ll hate it. On top of that incontinence isn’t a quick, “ok I tired it I’m ready to go back to normal.”  Many times incontinence is a life long choice that is hard to undo. 

Thats just the start. If you’re bowel incon what’s it going to be like when you soil yourself in the middle of a store?  What happens when you’re on a date and you loudly soil yourself and everyone hears it?  What about chasing in a bathroom with everyone hearing you change and seeing messy diaper you put on the ground while you’re changing. 

People you are incontinent look at many ABDLs saying they want to be incontinent like a child saying their going to be present, or a king or queen one day. Ya it’s cute you they have no idea what it really takes to live that life. 

[Hannah YMS]

23 hours ago, Nat said:

Incontinence is a medical condition and a disability so same reason why people would, including those with that disability, would be upset if someone wanted to be blind, deaf, autistic, have any other sort of mental illness. 

I guess I don't really understand why people would get upset. I have ADHD, bipolar disorder, and am on the autistic spectrum. Why should I be upset if anyone wants to have ADHD, bipolar disorder, or autism? To me, that's more amusing than anything else. Bipolar is by far the worst of all of those, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I would have to ask, "Why?" but I would in no way be upset if someone wanted to be bipolar. Heh, I say go for it if you can do it, but you'll be miserable though. Why do I want to be incontinent? Partly because I would have a legitimate "excuse" to be open to my friends and family about wearing diapers (I suppose I still have some shame aspect regarding this...), and partly because I would gain some peace of mind. I've had life long bathroom issues and a bladder that doesn't want to cooperate with me when I tell it to "go" sometimes. Not having to worry about where the bathrooms are or not having to worry about bathrooms at all would give me a lot of peace of mind. Do these reasons count? If not, why?

Hope that helps. Thanks!

Jon

[Hannah YMS]

22 hours ago, Guilyn said:

May gets it on the head.  If you hate walking that’s fine, but if you cut your legs off so you can use a wheel chair from now on you might find victims of a mandatory amputation not be so supportive.

Yeah, but why wouldn't victims of a mandatory amputation not be supportive? Is it because they feel justified in their amputation? There are people out there who actually do amputate their legs (or arms, etc) so they can feel normal. Why is this not a good enough reason? (Read up on BIID, to which this discussion can easily be applied.)

22 hours ago, Guilyn said:

I was an ABDL before I became incontinent. I didn’t plan to be incontinent that’s just the hand life felt me. At first I thought it would be fine, I liked wearing diapers so wearing 24/7 would be great right?  No.  It really wasn’t.  I understand some people become incontinent and it’s everything they ever wanted but there is soooooooo much more to it then, “peeing your pants like a baby.”  Many times ABDLs don’t understand how fundamental their life will change and not in a good way. 

If your someone that is attracted or sexually aroused by diapers you’ve find that’s extremely diminished to gone completely.  It’s like eating your favorite food 24/7, sooner or later you’ll hate it. On top of that incontinence isn’t a quick, “ok I tired it I’m ready to go back to normal.”  Many times incontinence is a life long choice that is hard to undo. 

Thats just the start. If you’re bowel incon what’s it going to be like when you soil yourself in the middle of a store?  What happens when you’re on a date and you loudly soil yourself and everyone hears it?  What about chasing in a bathroom with everyone hearing you change and seeing messy diaper you put on the ground while you’re changing. 

People you are incontinent look at many ABDLs saying they want to be incontinent like a child saying their going to be present, or a king or queen one day. Ya it’s cute you they have no idea what it really takes to live that life. 

These are all fair points, but they are just warnings. This is what I mean: I respect your opinion on your own experiences with incontinence, and I get that it's a negative thing for you, but that doesn't mean it will be a negative thing for others. There are many ABDLs who become incontinent who actually enjoy it. There are even incontinents on this forum who actually enjoy it. What about those folks and their experiences?

I'm sorry life dealt you a crappy hand. I hope you find a way to regain your continence some day.

Jon

[Nat]

23 hours ago, Guilyn said:

May gets it on the head.  If you hate walking that’s fine, but if you cut your legs off so you can use a wheel chair from now on you might find victims of a mandatory amputation not be so supportive. 

I was an ABDL before I became incontinent. I didn’t plan to be incontinent that’s just the hand life felt me. At first I thought it would be fine, I liked wearing diapers so wearing 24/7 would be great right?  No.  It really wasn’t.  I understand some people become incontinent and it’s everything they ever wanted but there is soooooooo much more to it then, “peeing your pants like a baby.”  Many times ABDLs don’t understand how fundamental their life will change and not in a good way. 

If your someone that is attracted or sexually aroused by diapers you’ve find that’s extremely diminished to gone completely.  It’s like eating your favorite food 24/7, sooner or later you’ll hate it. On top of that incontinence isn’t a quick, “ok I tired it I’m ready to go back to normal.”  Many times incontinence is a life long choice that is hard to undo. 

Thats just the start. If you’re bowel incon what’s it going to be like when you soil yourself in the middle of a store?  What happens when you’re on a date and you loudly soil yourself and everyone hears it?  What about chasing in a bathroom with everyone hearing you change and seeing messy diaper you put on the ground while you’re changing. 

People you are incontinent look at many ABDLs saying they want to be incontinent like a child saying their going to be present, or a king or queen one day. Ya it’s cute you they have no idea what it really takes to live that life. 

 

Of 34 years I have been alive, I have never seen or hear anyone changing their diaper in a restroom and seen a used adult diaper on the ground. I wonder where all these people are? 

[AdysonCassidy]

All of you replying are getting your nappies in a knot over your own insecurities and emotional struggles related to this post topic. You all have something to say except what is actually relevant to the discussion.

What I believe the original question to be was: "Why is it okay for incontinents to become ABDL (a switch from a socially acceptable situation to socially unacceptable behavior) but not for ABDLs to become incontinent (a switch from socially unaccepted behavior to a socially acceptable situation)?"

I personally don't care how you incontinents FEEL about abdls seeking incontinence. We have supported incontinents seeking the shit life of being abdl, so why do incontinents shit on abdls wanting to be incontinent?

You don't like being incontinent. And many of us don't like being abdl. But this needs to be a 2 way street.

Again - since this community has always been a little slow and emotional - the question is why does the incontinent community shame abdls for seeking incontinence when we support your delusions of complimenting your diaper usage with ageplay. I'm not looking for "I feel" statements, this isn't elementary school. I'm looking for a rational response directly addressing an explicit question.

I know it's hard, but don't poop yourselves in frustration.

 

[Guilyn]

6 hours ago, jonbearab said:

Yeah, but why wouldn't victims of a mandatory amputation not be supportive? Is it because they feel justified in their amputation? There are people out there who actually do amputate their legs (or arms, etc) so they can feel normal. Why is this not a good enough reason? (Read up on BIID, to which this discussion can easily be applied.)

These are all fair points, but they are just warnings. This is what I mean: I respect your opinion on your own experiences with incontinence, and I get that it's a negative thing for you, but that doesn't mean it will be a negative thing for others. There are many ABDLs who become incontinent who actually enjoy it. There are even incontinents on this forum who actually enjoy it. What about those folks and their experiences?

I'm sorry life dealt you a crappy hand. I hope you find a way to regain your continence some day.

Jon

The first thing I want to bring up is yes some ABDL do become incontinent and enjoy it.  However there are many parts to being incontinent that are flat out negative, no opinion about it.  Things like your diaper WILL leak, so you have to keep extra pants with you at all time.  There is a whole list of things that I won't go into, but that's one of the major misconceptions with incontinence.  There are there about it that are just negative, however for some people the pros heavily out weigh the cons and that's fine.  I personally would be mostly fine being incontinent if it was just bladder, the bowel issue is what sucks the most.

Again though it goes back to the person missing a leg.  For many people it's a disability that they wish they didn't have, so to see someone throw that away it's heart breaking.  Imagine if you lose your legs in a car crash and you have to be in a wheel chair and someone cuts their legs off so they can be in a wheel chair just because they hate walking.  

6 hours ago, Nat said:

 

Of 34 years I have been alive, I have never seen or hear anyone changing their diaper in a restroom and seen a used adult diaper on the ground. I wonder where all these people are? 

Bowel incontinence isn't as common as bladder.  Plus many of us try not to change in public bathrooms.  I've given myself a diaper rash just because I didn't want to change in a mall bathroom and waited to get home.  I was a manager for a Dairy Queen for 8 years and 3 times was a adult diaper put in the trash in our bathrooms (They were very small trash cans that had to be changed MANY times a day).  Out of those 3 only one was dirty, so it's not a surprise you haven't see someone changing before.  I've never seen a car accident happen before my eyes IRL but I know they happen.

[Nat]

Ugh, just saw a thread on another forum by someone asking how they can make themselves mute. I thought it was very insulting because I used to be mute and couldn't talk when I was little (severe language delay) and it sucked and I told them it is nothing something they would want and said just stop talking then, I live day to day not talking to people at work or to random strangers and I tell my kids I can't talk right now and my brain is tired. No need to make yourself mute when you have the option to not talk. 

 

I have seen a car accident happen in front of my eyes last weekend and it was the first time ever, before that, it had happened when I was there but my back was turned so I didn't see it happen and when I heard a popping sound, I saw the commute train had hit the car. I also have seen many car accidents on the road but I never saw them happen. 

[Rob110]

I have seen a few people in diapers out in public and have come a cross a few adult diapers sitting on top of the trash in the bathroom you are right most times we never notice another diaper wearer for the most part as people keep it well hidden. 

 

[DaveeBEd]

Personally I find both the ABDL and Incontinence Desires community welcoming on here, but I'm not an ABDL however I do have a significant desire to become iC, ideally urinary and bowel.Some people wisely warned me against untwining and I respect their views as its clearly not a state many people would want to be in and I accept I am essentially giving myself an invisible or barely visible disability. Nevertheless I thought long and hard before going down this route and as my control diminishes and the inconveniences are not be ignored I have no regrets, but I am thankful for all the messages of support and also of the wise words of discouragement I received on here. 

[Hannah YMS]

On 6/29/2019 at 9:25 PM, Guilyn said:

The first thing I want to bring up is yes some ABDL do become incontinent and enjoy it.  However there are many parts to being incontinent that are flat out negative, no opinion about it.  Things like your diaper WILL leak, so you have to keep extra pants with you at all time.  There is a whole list of things that I won't go into, but that's one of the major misconceptions with incontinence.  There are there about it that are just negative, however for some people the pros heavily out weigh the cons and that's fine.  I personally would be mostly fine being incontinent if it was just bladder, the bowel issue is what sucks the most.

Again though it goes back to the person missing a leg.  For many people it's a disability that they wish they didn't have, so to see someone throw that away it's heart breaking.  Imagine if you lose your legs in a car crash and you have to be in a wheel chair and someone cuts their legs off so they can be in a wheel chair just because they hate walking.  

Bowel incontinence isn't as common as bladder.  Plus many of us try not to change in public bathrooms.  I've given myself a diaper rash just because I didn't want to change in a mall bathroom and waited to get home.  I was a manager for a Dairy Queen for 8 years and 3 times was a adult diaper put in the trash in our bathrooms (They were very small trash cans that had to be changed MANY times a day).  Out of those 3 only one was dirty, so it's not a surprise you haven't see someone changing before.  I've never seen a car accident happen before my eyes IRL but I know they happen.

I won't disagree about bowel incontinence is what sucks the most.  I am untraining to become bladder incontinent. 

Regarding someone that cuts their legs off so they can be in a wheelchair just because "they hate walking," I've never heard of anyone wanting that because they hate walking. Those in the BIID community who want to amputate their legs or arms (want to) do so because to them the limb feels foreign to them. Like it shouldn't exist on them, and it gives them a ton of anxiety because it's there. There is a theory about this. I think it's called "brain mapping" where the brain isn't mapping that limb properly for some reason. There are other reasons, too.

Similarly, those who wish to become incontinent aren't doing so because going to the toilet sucks, it's usually deeper than that (see my previous replies as an example).

But as you said, "however for some people the pros heavily outweigh the cons and that's fine." So, thank you for your support!

1 hour ago, DaveeBEd said:

Personally I find both the ABDL and Incontinence Desires community welcoming on here, but I'm not an ABDL however I do have a significant desire to become iC, ideally urinary and bowel.Some people wisely warned me against untwining and I respect their views as its clearly not a state many people would want to be in and I accept I am essentially giving myself an invisible or barely visible disability. Nevertheless I thought long and hard before going down this route and as my control diminishes and the inconveniences are not be ignored I have no regrets, but I am thankful for all the messages of support and also of the wise words of discouragement I received on here. 

I never meant to imply that people aren't welcoming on here. I'm just wondering why there's a general lack of support for ABDLs who want to become incontinent, from the incontinent community. Like, what's the underlying reason?

Though, it's not without its benefits. Like you, I'm glad I could read the negative feedback for those who wish to become incontinent. It gives us all an idea of what it can be like. And if you accept those consequences, I feel you should get that support on here or anywhere. To each their own, right?

Jon

[Guilyn]

4 hours ago, jonbearab said:

But as you said, "however for some people the pros heavily outweigh the cons and that's fine." So, thank you for your support!

If someone want's to be incontinent that's their business.  For myself I just warn about the issues that are going a come up from being diapered 24/7 and how it will impact someones life in ways they can't imagine yet.  I understand why someone who's incontinent might be annoyed at an ABDL trying to become incontinent, and it's not about the ABDL it's about themselves.  They don't want to be incontinent yet someone who isn't incon is going to throw away the thing this incontinent person wants more then anything.  

[DaveeBEd]

20 minutes ago, Guilyn said:

If someone want's to be incontinent that's their business.  For myself I just warn about the issues that are going a come up from being diapered 24/7 and how it will impact someones life in ways they can't imagine yet.  I understand why someone who's incontinent might be annoyed at an ABDL trying to become incontinent, and it's not about the ABDL it's about themselves.  They don't want to be incontinent yet someone who isn't incon is going to throw away the thing this incontinent person wants more then anything.  

I feel truly sorry for those who are incontinent by the results of an illness or injury. That must be very hard to deal with. However, I have an overwhelming desire  to become incontinent and to then suffer the consequences. I do hope that my desire in no way diminishes my respect or support for those who would do anything to not be IC.

[Hannah YMS]

3 hours ago, Guilyn said:

If someone want's to be incontinent that's their business.  For myself I just warn about the issues that are going a come up from being diapered 24/7 and how it will impact someones life in ways they can't imagine yet.  I understand why someone who's incontinent might be annoyed at an ABDL trying to become incontinent, and it's not about the ABDL it's about themselves.  They don't want to be incontinent yet someone who isn't incon is going to throw away the thing this incontinent person wants more then anything.  

Fair enough

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

For some of us we just will not be happy unless we are wearing diapers every second, of every minute, of everyday and it is that simple. 

It takes a lot of commitment, determination, and time to become unpotty trained.  If you last the long winding road to becoming incontinent is most definitely is something that you earned and something that you needed personally. 

Wearing diapers all the time will weed out those that thought they wanted to be unpotty trained way before they suffer any permanent effects of diaper dependancy.  The first bad case of diaper rash.  The first time you face a significant diaper leak.  These things all happen before your bladder or bowels start to fail.

People who suffer from medically related incontinence did not have the choice.  Their body forced them into diapers and I could understand how they would resent that. 

Imagine if wearing diapers did not make you happy but you had to wear them anyway.  That is true misery and my heart breaks for those people.

For me diapers are what makes me happy.  Not wearing them is my form of misery.  That is why wearing them all the time is what I personally needed and something I will never regret regardless of any consequences that may happen based on that choice.

[DaveeBEd]

6 hours ago, MarkSmith said:

For some of us we just will not be happy unless we are wearing diapers every second, of every minute, of everyday and it is that simple. 

It takes a lot of commitment, determination, and time to become unpotty trained.  If you last the long winding road to becoming incontinent is most definitely is something that you earned and something that you needed personally. 

Wearing diapers all the time will weed out those that thought they wanted to be unpotty trained way before they suffer any permanent effects of diaper dependancy.  The first bad case of diaper rash.  The first time you face a significant diaper leak.  These things all happen before your bladder or bowels start to fail.

People who suffer from medically related incontinence did not have the choice.  Their body forced them into diapers and I could understand how they would resent that. 

Imagine if wearing diapers did not make you happy but you had to wear them anyway.  That is true misery and my heart breaks for those people.

For me diapers are what makes me happy.  Not wearing them is my form of misery.  That is why wearing them all the time is what I personally needed and something I will never regret regardless of any consequences that may happen based on that choice.

As usual Mark you talk perfect sense and I'm with you, my personal need to be diapered 24/7 overrides all the inconvenience that comes with it and I won't feel truly happy until true dependency is achieved.

[Guilyn]

18 hours ago, MarkSmith said:

Imagine if wearing diapers did not make you happy but you had to wear them anyway.  That is true misery and my heart breaks for those people.

For me diapers are what makes me happy.  Not wearing them is my form of misery.  That is why wearing them all the time is what I personally needed and something I will never regret regardless of any consequences that may happen based on that choice.

I think the last paragraph is the explanation but also the issue. There is a VERY large difference between wanting to wearing 24/7 and needing to wear 24/7. Any ABDL can wear diapers 24/7, wet and mess themselves in public to their hearts content. The problem isn’t the wearing or even the using it’s the choice that is made to damage your body that some incontinence people take issue with.

[DAQ]

3 hours ago, Guilyn said:

I think the last paragraph is the explanation but also the issue. There is a VERY large difference between wanting to wearing 24/7 and needing to wear 24/7. Any ABDL can wear diapers 24/7, wet and mess themselves in public to their hearts content. The problem isn’t the wearing or even the using it’s the choice that is made to damage your body that some incontinence people take issue with.

That's the point though. Some AB/DLs find incontinence as a fetish or casual desire that might be cool once in awhile. Others like myself feel trans-abled. I don't feel right using the bathroom. I have wanted to wear and use diapers as long as I can remember. 

I think that people who are incontinent that want to dissuade the average diaper user from ever seeking incontinence is full disclosure and letting adults make up their minds. If a story about messing on a 6 hour flight or leaking during a wedding or some other hypothetical horror story won't make someone turn back I think it is good odds that they are going into it with open eyes and deserve support opposed to chastising.

[stevewet]

On 7/1/2019 at 3:07 PM, DaveeBEd said:

I feel truly sorry for those who are incontinent by the results of an illness or injury. That must be very hard to deal with. However, I have an overwhelming desire  to become incontinent and to then suffer the consequences. I do hope that my desire in no way diminishes my respect or support for those who would do anything to not be IC.

I was incontinent first and beame DL as a result. I an understand your desire to be incontinent. I wouldn't change a thing. I don't honestly know why I just like being as I am.

[DaveeBEd]

7 hours ago, stevewet said:

I was incontinent first and beame DL as a result. I an understand your desire to be incontinent. I wouldn't change a thing. I don't honestly know why I just like being as I am.

I've no regrets so far anyway

[dlnoir]

On 7/2/2019 at 3:11 AM, MarkSmith said:

For some of us we just will not be happy unless we are wearing diapers every second, of every minute, of everyday and it is that simple. 

It takes a lot of commitment, determination, and time to become unpotty trained.  If you last the long winding road to becoming incontinent is most definitely is something that you earned and something that you needed personally. 

Wearing diapers all the time will weed out those that thought they wanted to be unpotty trained way before they suffer any permanent effects of diaper dependancy.  The first bad case of diaper rash.  The first time you face a significant diaper leak.  These things all happen before your bladder or bowels start to fail.

People who suffer from medically related incontinence did not have the choice.  Their body forced them into diapers and I could understand how they would resent that. 

Imagine if wearing diapers did not make you happy but you had to wear them anyway.  That is true misery and my heart breaks for those people.

For me diapers are what makes me happy.  Not wearing them is my form of misery.  That is why wearing them all the time is what I personally needed and something I will never regret regardless of any consequences that may happen based on that choice.

This exactly, well put.

The only thing I would like to add. Incontinent people do not know I wear by choice unless I tell them which I will not out of respect. Incontinent people most likely will not recognize the struggle and hardship it can bring to a person having to deal with these rather strange desires, I consider it a strange desire, but I have it non the less and I will act on it accordingly. I can understand why incontinent people would take issue if they come across a person who wears by choice. That is why I stay away from their forums and whatever more out of respect for them. They are more than welcome here but if they feel offended by my life style and feelings it is on them, there is nothing I can do about that nor will it trigger me to change my lifestyle. And in all honesty we can learn from each other for we diaper lovers have a tendency to push diapers to its limits.

[Fattymatty]

I think most people have answered the question of why there is hostility from incontinent people towards ABDL's who desire incontinence quite well so i wont harp on it. The wheel chair anology is a good one and I'm sure is accurate. Incontinence is a medical condition whereas ABDL is a fetish/lifestyle choice. There will always be people who get uppity and upset that someone would want to alter their bodies to have a disability. I get where the originally poster is coming from, it should be a two way street but it just isn't. 

Something that the original poster mentioned were feelings of shame and guilt and wanting the "justification" of incontinence to wear diapers and to come out to freinds and family as someone who needs diapers for a legitimate reason. I understand that desire completely and i have been there before but you don't have to dramatically alter your body to get that level of acceptance. That comes from within.

Or if the only way you can find happyness is through being incontinent its as simple as making a doctors appointment and telling your doctor that you are peeing your pants all the time but are not interested in medication therapy due to nasty side effects (which is undeniably true) and you would rather wear diapers and use alternative medicine to treat your symptoms. Your doctor will ask questions and will want to run some tests to rule out major health concerns but at the end of the day if you refuse medical treatment they will make a note of it in your medical file that you are incontinent and will leave you alone about it. That way you get the diagnoses of incontinence and the "excuse" to wear diapers without doing something you might regret later in life. For the most part people don't care that you wear diapers and will assume its for a medical reason anyways. This is close to the road i took and i cannot tell you how good it felt to see the words urinary incontinence on my permanent medical record. 

[scif788]

I think most people have answered the question of why there is hostility from incontinent people towards ABDL's who desire incontinence quite well so i wont harp on it. The wheel chair anology is a good one and I'm sure is accurate. Incontinence is a medical condition whereas ABDL is a fetish/lifestyle choice. There will always be people who get uppity and upset that someone would want to alter their bodies to have a disability. I get where the originally poster is coming from, it should be a two way street but it just isn't. 
Something that the original poster mentioned were feelings of shame and guilt and wanting the "justification" of incontinence to wear diapers and to come out to freinds and family as someone who needs diapers for a legitimate reason. I understand that desire completely and i have been there before but you don't have to dramatically alter your body to get that level of acceptance. That comes from within.
Or if the only way you can find happyness is through being incontinent its as simple as making a doctors appointment and telling your doctor that you are peeing your pants all the time but are not interested in medication therapy due to nasty side effects (which is undeniably true) and you would rather wear diapers and use alternative medicine to treat your symptoms. Your doctor will ask questions and will want to run some tests to rule out major health concerns but at the end of the day if you refuse medical treatment they will make a note of it in your medical file that you are incontinent and will leave you alone about it. That way you get the diagnoses of incontinence and the "excuse" to wear diapers without doing something you might regret later in life. For the most part people don't care that you wear diapers and will assume its for a medical reason anyways. This was close to the road i took and i cannot tell you how good it felt to see the words urinary incontinence on my permanent medical record.

Me too


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