The Struggle

[diaperwerx]

Hi Everyone,

Was reading a post in another forum that got me thinking. Many of us have experienced the binge/purge cycle of throwing away/re-buying our AB/DL gear while learning to understand the AB/DL side of ourselves. For me it was discovering there are others out there with similar interests that most helped me understand/reconcile/validate these feelings and achieve some type of balance.

As near as I can tell I've always loved to wear diapers, but through the years, before I knew much about the AB/DL lifestyle -- I would wear, feel guilty about wearing, throw out whatever I had, then try to hide/bury the DL part of me this usually only worked for a relatively short period of time. It would always bubble back into at least my thoughts, usually when passing the diaper/incont aids aisle at the market.

And although I can't say that I've achieved a perfect balance, I do feel much more comfortable and accepting of the AB/DL part of me now that I understand it better. So how long did it take you to reach some level of harmony with the AB/DL lifestyle?

-dw

[ABDLincontlady]

Hi Everyone,

Was reading a post in another forum that got me thinking. Many of us have experienced the binge/purge cycle of throwing away/re-buying our AB/DL gear while learning to understand the AB/DL side of ourselves. For me it was discovering there are others out there with similar interests that most helped me understand/reconcile/validate these feelings and achieve some type of balance.

As near as I can tell I've always loved to wear diapers, but through the years, before I knew much about the AB/DL lifestyle -- I would wear, feel guilty about wearing, throw out whatever I had, then try to hide/bury the DL part of me this usually only worked for a relatively short period of time. It would always bubble back into at least my thoughts, usually when passing the diaper/incont aids aisle at the market.

And although I can't say that I've achieved a perfect balance, I do feel much more comfortable and accepting of the AB/DL part of me now that I understand it better. So how long did it take you to reach some level of harmony with the AB/DL lifestyle?

-dw

I have been on many binge/purge cycles and finally learned to keep my AB/DL stuff. Then I keep trying to

control my AB/DL activties to one day and find it hard. I can go for months just wearing pads for my stress incontinence and not spend time online at sites like these. Then I have a strong urge nothing seems to stop and I am back at my computer like Sunday then Tuesday and now today just in a pullup sucking on a pacifier. I put a time limit on my AB/DL account as I have a lot to get done today to make up for my binge being just here all day Sunday. Still the comfort I feel today sitting here in the pullup doing all kinds of play with the pacifier in my mouth is undescribable. The key is also that I am not staying in being here isolating cancelling being out with people. It is pouring rain.

[Frink]

I've frequently threw all my ab/dl stuff out, but only as a matter of hiding them.

[edlomon05]

i usually hide anything i have so i dont throw away stuff ,esp since their not cheap

as to how i found out about this kind of community, i just one day for fun did a google search on it and realized i wasnt alone on this.

[belinda_sue_fox]

I've frequently threw all my ab/dl stuff out, but only as a matter of hiding them.

Throwing stuff out, best method of hiding stuff.......although the trip to the landfill to find them again isn't as handy as openning a wardrobe

[iamafemalebaby]

THAT'S VERY TRUE BEL PLUS IT TAKES LONGER TO GET THERE TOO!!!

[belinda_sue_fox]

THAT'S VERY TRUE BEL PLUS IT TAKES LONGER TO GET THERE TOO!!!

Mind you there was the time i went to get a bra put it on and my hooters looked HUGE.....so thats use number 1003 for nests of rats, breast enhansers

[drynot]

I could never get rid of my whole supply of diapers due to bedwetting but I sure felt ashamed of needing them on many occasions.

[Joey_AB_DL]

I have struggled with my DL obsesion for many years. As a young child (4 through 7). I would poop my pants, not due to medical reasons, but due to lazyness. My parents used to threaten to put me back in pampers. I was alway curious about the idea. I first discovered the urge when I was about 6 and I was spending the night at a friends house who had a younger brother. I was obsessed with the stack of Pampers, and I had to touch and feel them on my skin. I always used to have the strange desires when I would see baby diapers. As a teenager, about 13, I stayed at a family friend's house who also had a baby. During the evening, I discovered that the room I was sleeping in had stacks of diapers. I couldn't refuse, so I started trying them on. I was instantly aroused and hooked. When I got older and I had the ability to drive legally, I would sneak out and buy Pampers at the local grocery store and hide them in my room and wear them at night when everyone in the house was asleep. I felt so weird and thought I was a freak. My high school girl friend worked at a day care, one time we were arguing about the lack of time spent together and she sarcastically asked if I was a baby and needed her to change my diaper. I was never so turned on. I should have accepted, but I didn't and we have long since broken up. After joining the Army, I played a bit with diapers, but always felt guilty and dirty afterwards, so I would swear off the idea, and return. I finally got out of the Army and my current wife and I had our daughter. I was so afraid of the idea and subject, I refused to change my daughter's diapers and wouldn't even touch them. Of course, my wife still doesn't know about the fetish. The past few years I have researched ABDL online and found that there are others like me and it actually has a name. During business trips I endulge my fetish and get to wear, I even role play online (much more enjoyable when wearing).

I can't count the number of times I have endulged and felt guilty and dirty and subsequently sworn off the fetish. I love my wife and family dearly. We have a happy and extremely healthy relationship (adventurous even). As adventurous as it is, I have never brought up the idea or topic of ABDL. I guess I am always waiting for a perfect moment, but it will probably never occur. I feel I will probably take this fetish to my grave.

Thanks for listening.

Joseph

[Necare]

It`s safe to say that this is a daily struggle for me, something I probably never will accept fully. At the same time, I see no sense in throwing away the paraphernilia either. Throwing away your stuff will certainly not remove the urge. That is naive in my opinion. So no "binge and purge" for me personally, more like a constant feeling of being ashamed and of embarrasment after sexual release in nappies. I of course love it when I`m aroused, but hate it right afterwards.

[depends4me]

I didn't start buying diapers until I was living on my own, so it was never much of a struggle. I tend to get into pattens...if I'm used to wearing diapers out, I feel awkward without them. If I restrain myself from wearing them for a few weeks, I can forget about them for a while. But my stash is always still waiting in the closet. Lately I'm back "on" again, wearing them as much as possible and aiming for some long-term bedwetting. Wish me luck.

The "struggle" for me is that in addition to a diaper fetish, I also have an underwear fetish, so going 24/7 means no more cool undies, unless the "Classy Comfort" people start a trend!

[daclosetdl]

Myself I usually can only bring myself to buy a pack every six months or so. I guess I wish I could just be rid of my whole fetish for diapers but seems every time I try to get it out of my life it comes back twice as strong. This just mainly bugs me cuse I've become a little hooked on diapers to release myself sexually. I feel horrible after doing it but seems to be either with them in person or in my fantasies diapers always seem to pop up just when I climax.

I find it very troublesome though since it has ruined quite a few of my relationships. So on one hand I dispise diapers with a sickening hatred but on the other I know my urge for them is too great. Oh well guess one day I will either marginolize this aspect of my life or I might come across someone who convinces me to embrace it. till then binge/purge

[ChrisKnight]

Myself I usually can only bring myself to buy a pack every six months or so. I guess I wish I could just be rid of my whole fetish for diapers but seems every time I try to get it out of my life it comes back twice as strong. This just mainly bugs me cuse I've become a little hooked on diapers to release myself sexually. I feel horrible after doing it but seems to be either with them in person or in my fantasies diapers always seem to pop up just when I climax.

The horrible/guilty feeling eventually goes away and never comes back. I can't remember feeling it in the past ten years or so it's been so long.

[edlomon05]

i never felt degusted by this, even when i knew about it when i was 5.

i guess its all on how much you care about others thoughts. i really dont care if i live alone for the rest of life, i trained myself to love being by myself, though in all that might have damaged me in some ways i'll find out later in life.

[vins didee]

Been a diaper lover since I was seven as best I can remember. I would 'steal' diapers from friends, cousins, whenever I could. As I started to get older, I would try to give them up, thinking there was something wrong with me for enjoying diapers. Then when I was 13-14 I guess I started to accept it more, & never looked back. Diapers don't rule my life, but , they are definitly part of who I am. For the longest time before internet, I thought I was the only one with this "affliction". Then when I discovered the wonderful world of the web, it was very encouraging (for lack of a better word) to know there were so many others like me.

[Rusty234]

At 4 I would wet/mess myself on purpose at the daycare I went to to get diapered, and realized I was different than most or had unique fantasies at age 7. I kept this stuff to myself as just fantasies for the longest time and like most thought I was alone and had a screw loose somewhere. I eventaully relaxed and gave myself some slack cause they were just thoughts/fantasies/dreams. This last 1st of May, after I had just got out of the military and was on vacation at home by myself and bored I was on google and did a search on Adult Diapers, I came to this community site first. I then found out there were other people like me and has helped me to instantly overcome and cope with my desires, so I really dont feel guilty at all, thanks to places like this. So to get to the point, I have never been on a binge/purge cycle. I just started wearing diapers in May and am still working on building up anything to purge out, accessories, etc.

[ab/dljimmy]

<_ hi started wearing cloth diapers after reading a story in penthouse of wife diapering hubby and treated him like baby old home alone.this was big turn-on being curious i found large safety pins white t-shirts made myself diaper.wow then took my next pay check bought real the story.21 birdeye pair gerber toddler size plastic pants.the day every1 left tried them on hrs folding refolding.i walked around feeling soft fabric rubbing against me.watching t.v. over n again to window scared getting caught every time heard car go by.i felt weird about it but did for off b4 mom thought had put up.all she said pick-up myself.i ashamed yet wondered what would have done if wore bed with pants wet got up breakfast on.would spank me or offer change trashed yrs.only spend money buy more xxx-mags diaper stories them.i fianlly realized this is part me.so wear when can closet cannot.saved alot that way too.lol src="<img%20src='http://www.dailydiapers.com/board/uploads/emoticons/default_smile.png'%20alt=''%20class='ipsImage'%20%20>" alt=":)">

[Incontinent DL]

I wear diapers because I have OAB and frequent urge incontinence. I’m not AB, but sometimes I like to wear AB diapers with colors and prints because they are more humiliating. I don’t purge, but I switch back and forth between using “medical” and “sissy” or “baby” diapers. I’m not really comfortable with my desire to wear embarrassing diapers, but I don’t seem to be able to resist it in the long run either.

[Valentine]

While I have never tried to give up the AB/DL lifestyle, mine did go on hiatus for a while when I was in the Army. Oddly though that was where I first found that there were others who liked diapers. This was over 10 years after I realized that I liked diapers. Kind of depressing to believe that you are alone for that long.

I've never thrown everything out, I never really wanted to. Plus I knew that a week or so later I would want them again.

I finally found out there were other AB/DLs out there was from one of the Letters magazines, the internet was very primitive at that time, and I didn't have access to it.

[Nat]

I tried getting over it in 6th grade and did for a while but it was always buried. I never got over it. I just accept it and embrace it. I won't let guilt and shame get to me.

[Pull-ups man]

yeah, once when I was younger, I even threw like all the diapies from my stash out no avail... so I accepted it and no problem.

[2sail2]

I don't remember how I got into it. Was there anything on CompuServe or GE? I remember being in college and buying Depend undergarments at KMart. I kept them in a box that had a Master lock on it. I did not wear that often, probably just on weekends and around the house.

After college I moved so everything was thrown out so no one would see what I had. I eventually got two different cloth diapers and a single plastic pant. I think that's about when I met someone who got me interested in trying cloth. When I got married I threw those out. I didn't like dealing with them and really dislike being hot and sweaty. I just wear disposables now.