I Need Your Opinion Bout How Long To Keep Our Kids In Diapers

[Abdl/maxi pad lover]

So this topic was slighty brought up to me yesterday at work. While I was on break a co worker of mine was talking abd she brought up that another co worker is a bad parent because her 4 year old is still wearing diapers

I sat thinking to myself how is that bad parenting, if she wants to keep her babies in diapers let her be.

So what I ur take on this? How long should we keep them in diapers

Me personally I would keep them as long as they want. But i still would have to potty training them before they go to school.

[Infernus]

I was 3 odd, its not bad parenting, i was just lazy

[Dubious]

4ever !

[FretaBWet]

Our opinion doesn't really count, only the parent is in a position to make that decision and because of that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. A wrong decision here can go both ways too. My parents should have kept me in diapers much longer than they did but they were more worried about having me in them too long than they were about my wet pants during the day and a soaked bed at night.

Hugs

Freta

[Abdl/maxi pad lover]

Ok thank you

[square_duck]

Well, some of the above is true...our 'opinions' are skewed due to our personal interests in the subject, so naturally 'we' as a group would opt for keeping kids in diapers for as long as possible, but the truth is that this is a terrible disservice to the child.

The potty training debate has been going on for decades, if not for as long as diapers have been around...and some of it is pretty barbaric!! But I wont go into that.

Essentially, people in general seem to forget to look at the situation from the childs point of view. First off, they are born, smacked on the butt to get them to breath, then wrapped in a blanket and stuffed into a diaper and plopped into moms arms or stuck into a crib or something like that. Anyways, these are some of their first experiances. For bodily functions, all they know is what they feel their body doing in the diaper, and they accept that, as there is no other alternative given. They simply accept this as the way it is supposed to be, and continue to grow, eat, sleep, and go through diapers up until they are older...thats their whole life, and all they know. It's not until they get to around 2 1/2 that they start to exhibit signs of controlling themselves. diapers stay dry longer, and the child goes somewhere to hide to fill their pants in private. It's up to the parent to point these things out, and help the child identify whats happening, and help identify the different actions and out comes. It is at this point that 'learning' and 'training' takes place. When the child can tell you he/she is wet or wants to be changed that they can move on to the next level....and you as a parent owe them this opportunity for learning and growth. Children only know what they experience and for the first short 2 or so years, all they know is doing what they need to do in a diaper. They have no other point of reference, until you show them. many kids don't like to be to wet or messy, and they want something different....other kids don't care and could go theough the whole day in the same diaper...kind of individualized. But thats no reason not to try and teach them.

Potty training comes when the child is ready and interested in doing things different. This can be illustrated by the parent(s), siblings (if they have any) and other children and or social pressure in general. But they will learn...eventually. It is at this point that they now have more experiances and knowledge to draw on. They can stay dry and clean and use the bathroom when needed, or go in their pants and need to be cleaned up, or clean up the situation themselves, which to me is the preferred method. Teaching children that they are in control of their bodies is crucial, and that that they also can be responsible for cleaning up any 'accidents 'because it's their body and their clothing. It's also at this point that they can be shown that they have choices, and can make choices, and also be responsible for those choices and any outcome from them.

Since they can now basically take care of their own bodily functions, and be responsible for what they do in that department, they can also 'choose' what to wear and when....if they still want to wear diapers....fine, you show them where and when it's appropriate. In bed (needed or not) at home or other non public places is fine. If they use them, they also can be shown how to change themselves and be responsible for them. This way they have a choice, something that you have shown them, and they have to be responsible for that choice, good or bad.

If they choose diapers one day and go out and play with other kids and get teased or hassled, they learn from that choice. They can choose a response to the teasing like "because its what I choose to wear today" (emphasis to "I CHOOSE" ) this also makes other kids think, because many of them don't get the concept of personal choice, and they might be intimidated. They could also find acceptance from others and carry on.

The whole thing here is teaching personal choice and personal responsibility, to young kids. this is something that I don't really see much of in todays society.

Keeping the kid in diapers "just because' is essentially just laziness. Failure of the parent to do their job in teaching and modeling, and it's really doing a disservice to the child, simply because they don't know any better, and they are not learning basic and essential social skills and self worth and other basic essential psycological building blocks that can help them later in life.

What ARE they learning?? that they don't have to do anything, mommy and daddy will take care of what they need, including taking care of their basic bodily functions and toileting, by changing diapers etc. No learning, no empowerment, no self dicipline, just dependence and laziness and a perverse sense of entitlement.

If a parent wont teach a child basic self care and functions or other needed items.....what kind of person will tis child grow up to be?

Will they grow up to be self sufficient, and independent, and a good roll model for others and a productive member of society etc.??? or someone who wants everyone else to take care of everything and thay don't have to do anything because it's not their "responsibility" and they sit in a dirty diaper and play video games or watch TV all day and do nothing.....waiting for mommy to come and change them.

They don't socialize, or have any friends. No social skills to speak of no job skills and little education etc.

This is all a 'worse case' scenario, as there are, I'm sure' those who were trained late and are still functional members of society.....but there are others who aren't.....which is really sad.

If you have a child, part of that responsibility that you have taken on by having said child, is teaching them as much as possible and giving them every opportunity and chance that you can for them to be successful, strong, independent, self sufficient, and a positive roll model for others. what you teach will be, in the end, what THEY teach.

As you can see, a simple thing as neglecting a childs potty training and leaving them in diapers isn't really a good thing. Teaching them the difference and giving them options and CHOICES is something better, and in my own humble opinion, leads to a better, more balanced, responsible, and strong individual in the long run.

Will they turn out as an AB/DL type down the road....who knows...*shrug* and does it matter.....probably not. As long as they are making choices and AWARE of those choices and the possible outcomes, and be responsibe for those as well.

Just neglecting the kid and leaving them in diapers just teaches nothing, but dependence and takes away anything that the child may become.

Something to think about..

[waynecook52]

WOW,dont think anyone could have said it better duck.

[Dubious]

Diapers is only cause were lazy

in africa they are potty trained from day 1..

[square_duck]

WOW,dont think anyone could have said it better duck.

[Bettypooh]

I would have done some educating were I there There is no chronological age where every child can or has to be potty-trained, though 4 is a bit older than usual- there's nothing more to it than that Perhaps the child has a medical problem instead of a parent problem, and in that case the person making the disparaging comment would be the one with egg-in-the-face. A nice thing for them to have to think about I'd say

Bettypooh

[Angela Bauer]

There are a million silly myths about toilet training.

What I believe to be important is for every parent to do as much research as practical to as to individually figure out when a particular child is ready to learn to toilet. Since I have been paying close attention to the literature of toilet learning, I note the threshold for considering toilet learning to be delayed as gone from 48 months (4 yo) to 60 months (5 yo).

Does this mean sensible parents will wait until a kid is 4 to introduce the concept of the toilet? Of course not. Will it be inconvenient to find a pre-kindergarten program accepting otherwise bright 44 month old kids who still need day diapers? That can be true. But the fact the parents are inconvenienced does not render the kid ready for the toilet.

On the other hand, to take the position years before becoming a parent that it is wrong to introduce use of a toilet to young toddlers also seems to be irresponsible.

Maybe some very young children became confirmed infantilists. Should this prove to be true, then realize that kid will grow to be an adult who is still an infantilist. So the sensible option is to teach the young infantilist how to get along wearing diapers in a dry world.

My family never knew infantilists, AB/DL and so on existed, until my youngest sister was 20 and I was 26. All the women in my family have bladder control problems, so none of us were strangers to diapers. Granny raised her daughters who wet as often as Granny wet to accept just-in-case diapers when on trips. At the same time her daughters who had small over-active bladders, were taught how to find and use public toilets as needed when they were not diapered. Granny figured eventually they would revert to wetting, so it was important that they not be embarradded about diapers. Needless to say Granny caught a lot of flack from neighbors and friends.

I dare say my Mom also had to put up with a lot of unnecessary comments about her daughters returning to diapers for trips, the assumption being my sisters would need to be re-trained once the trip was over. That never was the case. All of us could use diapers in the car and yet have control in the motel that night when we would slip down our trainers and use the toilet like a big kid. We were confident that if we dribbled into our trainers, the waterproof sheet would prevent damage.

My opinion is that all those outsiders need to shut up. If the parents have not figured out by the time their oldest is 3 how they will deal with toilet learning, there is absolutely nothing a non-parent can say to help.

[mikejackson999]

Every one of my kids were raised on disposable diapers until they were 1 1/2 then switched to cloth with plastic pants and every one of my kids was out of diapers a little after they turned 2.

[square_duck]

My opinion is that all those outsiders need to shut up. If the parents have not figured out by the time their oldest is 3 how they will deal with toilet learning, there is absolutely nothing a non-parent can say to help.

I'm not a parent....but still

[AbriForm]

I've got mixed feelings on this one. I remember being 4 and in diapers... but not by choice.

I was one of only a couple of pre-schoolers in my class that were still wearing pullups, and it wasn't pleasant. From being made fun of by other kids, to feeling like I was deficient for not being able to go without... it hurt.

Most my my issue, we now know, was due to underdeveloped bladders that many children experience. Yes, in the 1980s that was still not well understood.

If you can potty train your kids before pre-school, I would. If they run into trouble doing that, I would be supportive.

In other countries, potty training can happen much later, but you have to remember that kids are in a fragial social development period age three to six. In America, it's abnormal to have a 4 to 5 year old still undergoing potty training. It's best to avoid, if possible, in my opinion.

[AbriForm]

Oh, and I'm not bitter by the way, I found a way to control for it... and am happily in diapers as I write this.

My social skills were hurt by it though, and that took YEARS to remedy (still a work in progress... I still hope to be a social butterfly at some point).

[rusty pins]

Here is my take on it. I've had friends who have had kids, the oldest still in diapers at age 3-1/2. They finally had to start light spankings to get the oldest to stop going in her pants. I stress the spankings weren't painful, just a "get the message across" ones. Within a week she was potty trained. It was just stubborness on her part, seeing just how far she could go with the parents. Their boy on the other hand wanted to start using the potty as soon as he turned 2. Another friend started training his boy at 26 months and he was trained pretty fast in just a couple months. Each kid is different but I feel they need to learn or start learning no later than age 3 unless they have a learning disability.

Now, this is for the parents and others who feel the same way about letting their kids stay in diapers or make their own decisions about potty training. YOU ARE THE PARENT! You may have a diaper fetish, or you may be an AB and like roll playing, being an adult baby for a "mommy" or "daddy", getting your own diapers changed, using baby bottles and pacifiers, etc. You may love going in your diapers, wetting or messing them and you may love how it feels to go around in a sagging soaked diaper! That dosn't mean that your "hobby" or fetish should play a roll in actual life when it comes to your own children! YOU ARE NOT A REAL BABY IN LIFE! ONLY IN ROLL PLAY! If you were a "real baby" you wouldn't have a child yourself!

AB's and DL's need to parent their kids in a proper way. They are young, 3 and 4 years old. If they were old enough to take care of themselves or knew what was best for them, they would be out on their own at that age making a living and running their own house! It's the experience of parents to know what is best for their children. You wouldn't let your 4 year old ride his tricycle out on a busy street or walk downtown by himself, or go for a ride with a stranger. You wouldn't let hin or her go swimming alone at the beach or a river or play with matches in the house. You wouldn't let them try and cook something on your hot stove or get in your car and try to drive it. Sure, some of those things sound very stupid! You don't think your 4 year old or even your 6 year old wouldn't ask you to do those things or even try to do them on their own? Of course they would if they could get their way! A tragic story from when I was 9 years old. The 6 year old boy up the street wanted a Superman costume so his parents bought him one. He ran out in the street in front of a car and was hit. He thought the costume would make him be able to stop speeding cars just like Superman! He was too young to know and no one ever told him. Kids would jump off a roof if parents weren't around to stop them!

As parents, people need to put their own personal fetishes and kinks aside and do what's right by their child. That means not letting them make their own decisions about staying in diapers instead of being potty trained just because the parents love diapers themselves! It's the parents that should know what is right for a child, and I actually think most AB's and DL's do the right thing as far as parenting their own children and potty training them at the proper age. Later when their children are teens if they decide they want to wear diapers, then that is a different story. They are older and have learned a lot, enough to the point where they may be able to make some of their own decisions, right or wrong. The thing is, by the time a kid is 16 or 17, they have learned an awful lot, enough in some cases to weight the consequences of their actions and understand what may or may not happen. At 4 years old, they have no concept of what is best for them! A 4 year old would probably want to eat candy all day long and not a healthy lunch or dinner if their parents didn't limit the candy and make them eat a healthy dinner!

Final thoughts (although I could probably go on and on longer on this subject). If someone is AB or DL and is of the mindset that it's up to their 3 or 4 or 5 year old weather they want to just stay in diapers or use the potty, then they should not have children. That mindset is basically saying, "I'll let my 3 or 4 year old make that decision for themselves." WRONG! At that young age, they do not know what is in their best interests and if the parents let their kids decide what to do instead of parenting them, then they shouldn't have kids! By the way, remember the 7 year old girl who wanted to fly an airplane across the country several years ago? Her parents decided to let her do what she wanted instead of explaining she was still too young. Remember what happened? She was killed in a plane crash trying to be the youngest person to fly across country! I still remember the interview with the mother after the crash. Mom was saying things like, "We encouraged her to do whatever she wanted to do". At age 7? Somewhere a line needs to be drawn between encouraging them to do what they want and doing what's actually right for the child!

[rusty pins]

Just so everyone will know why I got so emotional in my post above (parts quoted below) is because of some flippant remarks in this post. Some may think it's funny but when it comes to raising your children, how you go about it determines what kind of person they become as adults. Proper parenting is nothing to make jokes about.

Now, this is for the parents and others who feel the same way about letting their kids stay in diapers or make their own decisions about potty training. YOU ARE THE PARENT! You may have a diaper fetish, or you may be an AB and like roll playing, being an adult baby for a "mommy" or "daddy", getting your own diapers changed, using baby bottles and pacifiers, etc. You may love going in your diapers, wetting or messing them and you may love how it feels to go around in a sagging soaked diaper! That dosn't mean that your "hobby" or fetish should play a roll in actual life when it comes to your own children!

As parents, people need to put their own personal fetishes and kinks aside and do what's right by their child. That means not letting them make their own decisions about staying in diapers instead of being potty trained just because the parents love diapers If someone is AB or DL and is of the mindset that it's up to their 3 or 4 or 5 year old weather they want to just stay in diapers or use the potty, then they should not have children

[AbriForm]

rusty pins,

Just because someone "gently" spanked their 3.5 year old child to potty train them... doesn't mean it is the right thing to do.

You should not even consider resorting to those tactics without consulting a physician first. Had I received that in this day and age, it probably would have saved me a lot of grief... and an expensive habit for buying very pricey diapers. Spanking probably would have had quite the opposite effect, no amount of physical abuse would have gotten my bladder functioning properly.

[Bettypooh]

Like Abriform, nothing was going to help my bladder control issues, no not even the beatings (with a belt) I remember so well Had I been wetting for the reason my Dad thought I was, it would have been different- but it wasn't. I was doing the best I could do no matter what anybody else thought- including the Doctors and Shrinks who thought they had answers which they didn't Again I say that it must be when the child is capable of learning- it cannot happen earlier and it's for their own good that it not be delayed much thereafter.

Bettypooh

[sarah_ab]

rusty was very clear that this child that was spanked did not have a physical or developmental delay that was causing the slow training .... but rather the child was pushing boundaries....

it seemed pretty clear he was not saying punish a child who has a bladder problem!

hahaha funny as i type this im at the drs office and in the tv is a news story about overactive bladder!!!

[toddmdl]

So this topic was slighty brought up to me yesterday at work. While I was on break a co worker of mine was talking abd she brought up that another co worker is a bad parent because her 4 year old is still wearing diapers

I sat thinking to myself how is that bad parenting, if she wants to keep her babies in diapers let her be.

So what I ur take on this? How long should we keep them in diapers

Me personally I would keep them as long as they want. But i still would have to potty training them before they go to school.

I agree with you completely. This is a sensitive subject for me because I remember my toddler years when I was in diapers and potty training. I was upset when the diapers were taken away by my parents. However I am now convinced that there were underlying reasons for that which is beside the point. If I were in that room I probably would have been mad had I heard that since I have heard similar things in the past and have been angered. However, you really cannot worry about what others do or think. People disagreeing with you is just a part of life and we have to deal with that and just choose to do things differently within reason.

I think kids have to be toilet trained. They cannot go to school in diapers, they probably cannot wear them around friends or other strange company as well. It is not in their best interest to be ridiculed by other adults or children for wearing diapers. We may have our own opinions and feelings about diapers but it must be separated from your child. It is probably not in their best interest to be in diapers for too long, or to develop an attachment to diapers However I think potty training can be done through a child-led process where the child on their own decides they want to give up diapers. If they are resistant to the idea and have an attachment there probably is an underlying reason for that since diapers really are just plastic and paper. Their resistance to giving up diapers and potty training needs to be addressed and resolved not unacknowledged. I don't have any children of my own but I have given this a lot of thought and I wonder if that had occurred in my life I wonder if I would even be a part of this. I want to find the appropriate balance when I have children.

I don't personally think kids being in diapers until they are 4 or 5 or whenever is a huge deal as long as it is not negatively affecting them in other areas of life. If it is preventing them from going to school when they should be or socializing with other kids that is a problem. If they want to wear a pullup or something when they are at home in their down time is alright too if it soothes them. I am a big believer in letting the child decide on their own when to leave diapers behind completely. I think every kid at some point chooses to use the toilet and wear regular underwear. I know most people don't agree with this idea. I have even seen on this board in the past someone say that children don't have a right to decide whether they can wear diapers or something like that. Granted we are talking about very young children that don't know any better. But I think there is a very good reason why a child is resistant to potty training or leaving diapers. They are not doing it to be annoying, they are saying they are not ok with what is going on and something is bothering them. Or at least that was my experience. But I think the child-led approach works just fine. You just have to be as the parent more patient as opposed to the coercive parent-led approach.

[diaperguy85]

my mom told me long ago that i was difficult to potty train and didnt want to give up my diapers. i didnt ask when i finally succumb to the porcelain fixture, but it was probably around 4-ish. my little brother, (already looking up to me) simply watched and copied me and was PT-ed early and easily by the time he was 2. from what i remember, my little sisters were easy enough to PT, since i dont remember many issues with them.

seems to me that the child must decide for themselves, with a little coaxing from mom and dad.

[Horndog]

I was potty trained when I was about three years old. I actually remember the experience.

If I were to sum this thread up, the consensus is: it depends (no pun intended).

Pay attention to your child's wants and needs and improvise from that point. I do think kids should be potty trained as soon as possible so they can develop normally.

[Nat]

When should kids be out of diapers, when they are ready. I don't think they should be kept in diapers because they will be facing bullying in school because kids are so mean so that is why we must train them. If they want to wear diapers again down the road, that be another story.

Even my last therapist said the same thing people are saying in this thread, it's about teaching the child responsibility and I make the decision as an adult for myself to wear diapers. I used to not get it but now I do because small kids are not aware of bullying and teasing if they have never faced it yet so that is why we must train them. Why send a child to school in diapers if they have no medical need to wear them? It's a way for them to get teased and picked on in school for being in diapers.

I got my son a potty chair just last month and he did play with it and took interest in it and i would have him sit in it but when I had him naked before his bath and put him on it, he screamed bloody murder and he never wanted to touch it again. I don't want to push him to potty train and I thought he may be ready because he is dry all the time. He does watch his dad go to the bathroom and his grandma too. But he probably isn't ready yet and I won't push it. I also decided I better stop parading around in my diaper with no pants on because that could be delaying his toilet training. If he sees his mother in them, he is going to think he can still wear them. So if I start covering them up, he will forget I ever wear them and maybe start showing interest in the potty. I sure don't want him to turn into a DL because of me. Not that i don't want him to have it, I just don't want to be buying diapers for him or having him go stealing them or using mine. I would probably be fine with him using my cloth ones. But my diapers may be too big for him anyway until he reaches his pret teens or teens. But if he has a job or earns his own money somehow and he wants to wear diapers, he can buy his own and I would let him get them online. He be old enough to understand the consequences for wearing them to school or if he gets caught in them. But I am not changing him nor babying him.

Yeah I would rather use my own money to by my own diapers than be buying my son's too because then that be more money to spend if he was doing it all the time.

[Nat]

I was also difficult to train. I liked my diapers so much. My dad said I liked wearing them but my mother says I was confused and didn't know I was supposed to be going in the potty chair and i could not figure it out. Mom tried teaching me and gave up thinking I wasn't ready. I also remember at three years old I grown tired of wearing them but kept on wearing them because I thought I had to wear them. My parents kept buying them and putting them on me and I would use them and then take them off. I also put them on myself. Then I bet I was happy when i figured out I didn't have to wear them anymore because my mom says I had finally figured out diapers were for babies and I was not a baby anymore when I saw the mess my baby brother made in his diaper. She had to go out and buy me pull ups but I had toileting issues until I was five years old.