Been Thinking About Acceptance

[Rani]

Yeah, thinking for me is dangerous in itself!

But, I was wondering. For those, like me, that prefer to keep the fact we wear a diaper secret for fear of ridicule by others or even because we feel our friends won't accept us any more, are we doing them a dis-service by not trusting them to accept us for what we truly are?

I know for those of us that think on this as a sexual thing it might be different and perhaps should be kept 'behind closed doors'. But for those situations where it's not, should we be helping our friends to accept us by trusting them with how we really are?

I hope I'm not offending anyone in my question, just trying to work it out in my own mind and maybe help a few others along the way.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Personally I look at what we do as a fetish, sexual or nonsexual it is a deviatyion of what is considered normal. I don't feel I have the right to impose this upon my friends. now if they call me out on it, I will be honest with them as a friend and if they can't handle it then screw them.

[KittenAB]

As a lifestyle, your friends should be accepting, if not then they are not really friends in the truest sense. As a sexual fetish, meh, up to you, none of their business but people talk about their sexual fetishes all the time ... and I do mean all the time. It's creepy sometimes but we learn to filter out what creeps us out, that's the nature of society.

An acquaintance is someone you play video games with on the weekend, a friend is someone who plays video games with you while you shave your legs.

[ldatsea]

there are some things that just dont need to be shared, if people ask than be honest and they should accept you,

[Ben123]

I figure if someone needs to know about a certain aspect of my life, I will have little to no problems telling them. If I have to seriously question is it's a good idea.. then it's probably not.

[Bettypooh]

None of my friends has ever asked about my underwear in about 45 years so I'm not worried about it And if the question does arise, my friends can handle the truth that I need diapers- plus they will respect my wish to not discuss the topic for personal reasons Well all but one, and he's an open minded guy whose wife works with hospice patients and many of them wear diapers so no big deal.

Bettypooh

[lilJester]

the only time i will tell someone about the fact i am in a diaper, is if i have no choice. otherwise, it's noones business what you wear under your pants. i know i don't wanna know what kinda boxers my buds are wearing.

[babylin]

Rani

It seems that you are still trying to quantify your own self-acceptance in wearing diapers by seeking some form of approval from your friends.

Just accept yourself. What others think is meaningless, perhaps even egotistic.

I'm a lifelong secret keeper. I prefer keeping that part of myself private.

We would likely do more harm than dis-service to our friends by letting them into our private world.

It's not a matter of trust since we all trust others to varying degrees with knowledge of ourselves. One cannot go back to that symbiotic

relationship of infancy where mother "knew" everything. Sharing good experiences with our friends is more constructive in building trust.

Some things in life one does not need to share with anyone else.

HAPPINESS IS WEARING COTTON DIAPERS

[Rani]

Thanks to you all for your thoughts on this, I really appreciate it.

It seems that you are still trying to quantify your own self-acceptance in wearing diapers by seeking some form of approval from your friends.

Just accept yourself. What others think is meaningless, perhaps even egotistic.

I'm a lifelong secret keeper. I prefer keeping that part of myself private.

We would likely do more harm than dis-service to our friends by letting them into our private world.

It's not a matter of trust since we all trust others to varying degrees with knowledge of ourselves. One cannot go back to that symbiotic

relationship of infancy where mother "knew" everything. Sharing good experiences with our friends is more constructive in building trust.

Some things in life one does not need to share with anyone else.

I think you've hit the nail on the head babylin. Thank you.

I did wonder whether we should be more open sometimes and just tell people but I agree more now with what you're saying. All friends have secrets from each other, why should this be any different? And yes, I'm definitely still having issues with accepting myself.

Like some of you say, if asked then I would own up anyway, I'm not one for lies. A part of me feels that I'm lying by keeping it all so hush hush and that is what gets to me sometimes I guess. There would be no chance of me blurting this out to everyone I know though, too much of a chicken for that!

[Eir]

I would not tell anyone that I wear diapers unless they saw them hanging to dry from my shower curtain rod, which is unlikely. I would likely pass that off as, having problems from time to time. If that goes well, may say that I really don't mind wearing, and kind of like it in a weird way. Then you say it is a comfort thing.

On the otherhand, I wear a ton of baby powder to the gym. This really stops the chaffing. I get chaffing like mad, not wearing BP can make my thighs look red and wrinkley, not unlike hamburger meat. I have not had anyone say something to me yet, I have a feeling many people wear some sort of talc/ baby powder to the gym in order to stop chafing. That meat like area that is wrinkled, I still have it, but it is not erupting now and doesn't bother me or redden up if I wear enough powder to the gym.

[Pudding]

I used to believe it to be something I couldn't share with others; but since living with Soapy I've come to learn that it's only shameful if you make it so. You know what a weight off your shoulders it is to be able to have pacis on the coffee table, sippies down the sofa cushions and an open case of molis in the bedroom and not be afraid of being "found out"? When I got to the US, Soapy told me I couldn't be ashamed of this; it's just part of me, I had to conquer it.

Truth of the matter is, people WILL see it as taboo if you do. If you're ashamed of it, people will think "wow, even SHE knows its weird..". But if you're like "Yeah, I like this stuff" and don't act like it's a shameful secret, your friends tend to be more likely to think "Oh, well, I guess its no biggie".

Hi. I'm Puddin'. And I wear diapers. Wanna be friends?

[Eir]

^ You and my "symbiote" would get along fine. There is a lot of truth in the statement that people will only see wearing diapers as taboo if you see it as taboo. I enjoy wearing thick cloth diapers to "crib" every now and then, and I really enjoy waking up soaked! In all honesty, the fact that I have a persona which is not the same gender as my host would cause more controversy.

[BabyJune]

Unless you are in an intimate relationship, I can't see how sharing AB/DL or sissy lifestyle information with anyone has any benefit. It's one of those secrets that is best kept to yourself. After all, you don't know EVERYTHING about all your friends, do you? I'm sure there are things they do that would be embarrassing, and they prefer to keep those activities to themselves. You really don't need acceptance from anyone if what you do makes you feel good. (AB/DL and sissy stuff only--not drugs or alcohol, that is).

I have never felt the need to share my private "pleasures" with family or friends because I know for certain it would be met with negativity--especially since I work closely with young children. Imagine everyone's shock if they learned that I actually try to "become" one of those children when I'm in private. They would automatically jump to the wrong conclusion and try to deny me the joy of working with kids out of fear that I would cause harm. It's a part of my life that will always remain inside me. After all, I don't run around telling people that I breathe or that my heart is beating, do I? (Bad example--they probably already know that or I'd be dead).

[BabyGizmo]

For someone like me, who has diapers as a part of my lifein a pretty big way, keeping it hidden was very important. When i became an adult and decided my own fate, my own appartment, i let it out more. I got tired of hiding it. Some of us dont like hiding things and feel the need to let it out. I told every one of my friends, and i make it well known to anyone i ever dated. Right off the bat, no hidden facts. This has helped make me a happier person because i dont have the stress of my friends smelling my powder, or accadentally finding my soother. I dont have to stash my stuff in a closet. My bottles are next to the cups in the cupboard, my diapers and soothers have a drawr in my dresser. When my friends come over un-announced i never feel scared, or scared to make friends just incase.

I dont think everyone needs to out themselfs, but if hiding things hurts you, do it. Anyone un-accepting isnt that good a friend anyway, and you dont live in fear anymore. Thats my ideal anyway.

[rosalie.bent]

Unless you are in an intimate relationship, I can't see how sharing AB/DL or sissy lifestyle information with anyone has any benefit. It's one of those secrets that is best kept to yourself. After all, you don't know EVERYTHING about all your friends, do you? I'm sure there are things they do that would be embarrassing, and they prefer to keep those activities to themselves. You really don't need acceptance from anyone if what you do makes you feel good. (AB/DL and sissy stuff only--not drugs or alcohol, that is).

I have never felt the need to share my private "pleasures" with family or friends because I know for certain it would be met with negativity--especially since I work closely with young children. Imagine everyone's shock if they learned that I actually try to "become" one of those children when I'm in private. They would automatically jump to the wrong conclusion and try to deny me the joy of working with kids out of fear that I would cause harm. It's a part of my life that will always remain inside me. After all, I don't run around telling people that I breathe or that my heart is beating, do I? (Bad example--they probably already know that or I'd be dead).

Thats very well said and based on the experience of one child-care worker who come out as an AB and was fired... don't tell anyone! Besides, as you rightly pointed out, why is it anyone's business outside of your relationship?

The problem is that one of the major emotional needs of ABs is 'acknowledgement'; a declaration that you are a baby and someone else to know about it and hopefully agree. It is inbuilt and a very strong need. a relationship with even minimal understanding and acceptance meets that need. But in the absense of that, ABs feel an overwhelming at times compulsion to 'tell someone'. It is understandable, but it is very unwise. It will be a serious mistake most of the time and even when it isnt, it will still fail to truly meet the deep need which is a DEEP relationship and acknowledgment/acceptance as a baby.

[PaddedPat]

I've told precisely two people in my almost 20-year stint as an on-again, off-again DL. One was a random college acquaintance at 3am after a heavy night of drinking with subsequently obliterated inhibitions, which - in hindsight - was probably the WORST circumstance for disclosure.

The other was my father almost 15 years ago after he randomly discovered my stash shortly following graduation (was living with parents at the time). He calmly and delicately asked a couple questions about it, and I was very vague and brief my response. Nothing else was ever said.

I've never felt the compulsion to tell anyone else, and they've never been nosy enough to ask. That said - with my recent adoption of 24/7 use, it's probably only a matter of time before I slip up or someone notices changes in my daily rituals, despite my best efforts to remain discreet. Even so, only if ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY will I risk further disclosure, and I've been establishing my alibi for months so I can diffuse or deflect any questions as quickly as possible.

100% self-acceptance is BY FAR the most important milestone for any AB/DL, and it's an intensely personal journey that no amount of public confession will ever resolve. Obviously, sometimes this is unavoidable (i.e., therapists/doctors, intimate relationships, "outings", unexpected or embarrassing incidents), but 99% of the population needn't know the first IOTA of what goes on in the mind of the average AB/DL. In the case of this lifestyle, ignorance is indeed bliss, and the less said - the better. It's simply far too fringe and way too complex to explain to the layperson without offending him/her to some degree.

All of this - it must be said - is completely IMHO, so please refrain from flaming me if you have a dissenting opinion.

[TBlazer]

To answer the OPs question, I feel that no, its not a bad thing to hide this from friends, even the close ones. Im sure they have their own personal quirks they choose to keep private.

Id be willing to bet that some us have friends who do know about this side of is and respectfully let us keep the illusion of privacy.

[tcc]

The reality is, WHY do you feel others need to know about YOUR "thing"? Will it make YOU feel better to hang that detail of YOUR life onto them, and let THEM carry it around, especially if it might potentially damage any relationship you already have?

That's the whole key, as I have seen and learned, except when we are dealing with an intimate, or life partner, who NEEDS to know of quirks, if that's what the AB/DL thing IS, in a relationship, WHY does a person feel the need to "share"? YOU might feel better for "getting it off your chest", but what does it do for the OTHER person, who may or may not be able to deal with the revelation, who may or may not be able to accept and/or encourage you, who may or may not be able to continue your friendship - and it can be a very weak reason to not continue - because of it.

We, in the AB/DL community are so into guilt and self-loathing because of OUR perceptions of OURSELVES, we want to try whatever we can to find that self-acceptance, and the freedom to do OUR "thing", without repurcussion.

The fact IS that it's only diapers. They are a legal, legitimate product for a legitimate need. That beyond incons buy them and use them, by choice, for sexual purposes or otherwise, is nobody else's business.

If it's going to make you feel better about yourself to reveal to others, it's your choice to share. Just be aware of the damage it can do, for all the good it might do, too. There are no assurances, either way.

[BabyGizmo]

telling people isnt sharing a burden, it is sharing your self. my best friend found out after staying a night at my place, and she didnt speak to me for a week. she felt i hid things from her because i didnt feel i could trust her.

people want to share because if they dont have to hide it, its not so bad. the fact that it has to be hidden is sometimes what gives us the thoughts of weather or not what we do is wrong. Witch it isnt.

[BabyGizmo]

I Have some pretty major Reasions to be scared to tell people. It Rarely ends well. i was called a pedophile, yelled at, had things thrown at me. someone even tried to have me arrested. But, some of those major over reactions had more mitigating factors as well.

The thing we all need to do is think about if we are ashamed or proud of ourself. if you are proud, the why hide it? simply telling them what and why is not forceing them to do anything. your friends should accept you for you, intrestes are part of you. keeping secreats from people means you have to hide things. hiding them makes you stressed, anxious, scared, and alot of other feeling that can weigh heavely on a person. these feeling can make you distant, and effect your school, work and personal life in a possably negitive way.

This is just for some people though. i know some of us can handel the hiding it, but as someone who likes to partake a fair bit, hiding it nearly wreked me and a few of my best friendships. all of whom know now, and are fully accepting to the point of being able to walk around my own home in diapers and not worry about it anymore.