Busted !

[missyD]

For those who don't know me, I live with my partner in a lovely lakefront setting, sort of in the middle of nowhere in the north woods of Canada. Our closest neighbours live about a km away, and we get along very well with them. There are about 20 camps or cottages on the whole lake but only us and our neighbours live here full time - the rest use their places as vacation properties. We are off the grid, and have solar panels and a generator for power, satellite internet and tv - so we live a sort of modern life, but we try and be green and "back to the landish"

I am at the point in my life where I am not all that worried about living up to other peoples' expectations - seems like a did that my whole life. However, I am certainly not "out" as an AB, other than to a few select people.

Now, here is my problem: Our neighbours were getting their septic tank pumped, and suggested we do it too at the same time, to get a bit of a price break as the truck would be coming out anyway. It was time, so we agreed, and this morning "fred" called and said they were coming today. I had just put a whole giant load of diapers and plastic pants on the line. My partner was going into town this afternoon, and suggested she take them into the laundromat and throw them in the dryer. I thought to myself, we don't know the septic pumping guy, and frankly I don't care if he sees them. I didn't want to take them all down, and it just sort of went against the grain. My partner was okay with that, so i left them hanging.

I might that I am very much AB - this didn't look like incon, stuff on the line.

But damn me, if the neighbour didn't come over with the septic guy - and the septic tank is like right beside the clothes line. He didn't say anything at all, but i know he saw it all - I mean you couldn't miss it. We love "fred" he is a great guy, and often helps us out in lots of ways. And while we both really like his wife "linda" , linda seems to particularly like me and the feeling is mutual - she almost seems like a big sister to me, which is lovely since I am an only child.

The thing is, what do I do now? Do I explain things to her? Do I just pretend nothing happened and carry on with my life? I absolutely HATE having to keep this part of my life in the closet. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to troop into the local market with droopy diapers and a pacifier in my mouth, but on the other hand, you will usually find a baby blanket, teddy, paci, bottle, whatever lying around the house.

Any ideas folks, on how I should handle this one? I am a bit freaked out over it.

hugs, Missy

[Darkfinn]

I believe this situation falls under the "don't ask, don't tell" clause. Your neighbor should be polite and intelligent enough not to mention what was seen, and you should also be polite and intelligent enough not to bring it up.

[Eir]

You have a skeleton in your closet, that uses blankets, plays with teddy pears, sucks on bottles and pacifiers, and wears adult diapers and very babyish plastic pants, and every now and then, may like to sleep on a "crib" made of an air mattress and spare shower curtain sheet and has a sports bottle that is in fact a "baby" bottle (the last part was me, lol,)

[Eir]

I have a skeleton in my closet that is still suffering from paruresis, enjoys practing his anti paruresis visualizations in thick soggy towel diapers, and waddling around in them. This skeleton also sleeps on a spare shower curtain on top of an air mattress, which is his "crib." And enjoys putting his wakeup bottle (not the queen's tea) in an icechest next to the crib so when the Cantina Band starts playing, he turns off the alarm, drinks his bottle, and wakes up.

[Eir]

I have a skeleton in my closet that is still suffering from paruresis, enjoys practing his anti paruresis visualizations in thick soggy towel diapers, and waddling around in them. This skeleton also sleeps on a spare shower curtain on top of an air mattress, which is his "crib." And enjoys putting his wakeup bottle (not the queen's tea) in an icechest next to the crib so when the Cantina Band starts playing, he turns off the alarm, drinks his bottle, and wakes up. If anything the tank boy will probably assume that you have a legitimate reason for the diaper stuff, but you want to be cute about it.

Think about it, diapers are like ponchos, they keep our clothing from getting wet, who cares about how you design it. Would anyone care if you wore a poncho with a cartoon charector on it, no! If you act normally when he comes, he will probably think that you are making the best out of something you can't help. He will probably think, hey, if she has to wear diapers, they may as well be cute, way to go!

[nhdl]

I say let it go. If the neighbor doesent say anything, dont worry about it.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

There is a Fairy proverb: "A closed mouth gathers no foot". Also "Even a fish would not get into trouble if it kept it's mouth shut" and ""When they say 'shut your trap' why do you think the emphasis is on 'trap'?"

[missyD]

LOL i think i am getting a message here - and a wise one too, thanks

[LILJIM]

I say let it go. If the neighbor doesent say anything, dont worry about it.

I agree!!! How will you answer if the neighbor does asks? I'd say "Who said you cannot "poke" fun at a problem you have." or "I found a good price on things I needed on the internet." But I would wait for them to bring it up unless you want to come out of the closet with them. Since the "ice" is broken.

[thong5]

Unless they say anything " Let the sleeping dog sleep ".

[Crimson_Wolf]

Don't say anything, just let it go. If it happens to come up when you and her are alone then just tell her as much as you want. I mean it seems that she doesn't mind and would've said something right away if she wanted to.

[missyD]

all quiet on the western front so far - will sure let you folks know if anything else happen! Thanks to all of you for your good advice. She is the type who would say to her husband "its none of your goddamned business!".

[pins]

Hay Missy try not to be concerned , she's your friend keep it that way . Remember Loose Lips sink ships . I enjoy you on the chat so don't worry.

[wetatnight]

Unless your neighbor's wife brings it up, I would not say anything about it.

but be more carefull in the future.

[Bettypooh]

We humans have a need to be ourselves and to share the things we enjoy, but when it comes to some things you have to control yourself or be prepared to deal with consequences that may arise from it. You may find your neighbors are the greatest and never mention this to anyone again- if so you do likewise. You may find them discussing their own 'kinks' privately with you and yours sometime in the future. Just go with the flow if that happens. You hopefully won't find yourself the 'talk of the town'. If that happens you're pretty much outed and you'll have to handle it. I'd prepare for them all. I'd also exercise more care with AB things 'laying around the house' for awhile in case someone drops by unexpectedly.

When my crossdressing became so big it was getting hard to hide I lived close to several old friends and we are very open with each other. I knew it was only a matter of time before I was discovered and I knew they talked about everyone they knew, so I decided that the best approach was to come out with them. I was amazed at how well they took it and I stopped worrying about the colorful frilly things hanging behind the large items on my clothesline which could be easily seen from the road. I kept that discretion going so that I wasn't 'pushing things' and I never had a problem. That is tame compared to being AB, but the same approach could work for you with the right kind of neighbors and friends. I would not recommend going there until and unless you really have to, but it sure beats finding people you know from 40 miles away asking you about it when you run into each other next! When you come out, you have some control over what gets said; when you become gossip the story goes crazy and is usually wrong.

If you just have to speak about this later on with the neighbor, give it a few encounters before saying anything to see if they open the subject, find a time when you're both comfortable and chatting away, then just say "I never expected you to come over with the septic tank guy or I would have waited to do my laundry. I want to apologize for that." This opens the subject and gives them the chance to ask any questions they have if they want to, or to say "I understand, don't worry about that" then go onto another subject they are more comfortable discussing. Do not push it on anyone. Yes, it hurts to have to hide things, but if that is the best option you hide them and accept that it must be done that way. That is why I am discreet about my diapers; I don't want to have to deal with the consequences of being outed, though I can and will if I have to so it doesn't worry me. Sh!t happens and anything is possible so there's no point in worrying about what you can't control, just don't let it catch you by surprise and be as prepared for it as best you can.

Bettypooh

[BabyLex]

As a fellow rural Canuck I can tell you that part of the reason people move to remote environments is to enjoy privacy and let other people enjoy theirs. Perhaps it's one of those situations where they're simply being respectful and the door is open to discuss the topic if you want to, or to just pretend the whole thing didn't happen if you want to. In either case, I'd recommend not losing sleep over it.

Stay wet and happy in a nappy

--Lex

[missyD]

Thanks again for all your thoughtful replies. So far, I don't think our relationship is any different, but of course I am probably being hypersensitive to how they are speaking to me and acting towards me. Will keep you posted of course if anything develops.

missy

[Red Barchetta]

I really wouldn't think about it to much. Ods are it won't be mentioned anyway.

If it is bought up, perhaps then....But as I keep saying - Besides the AB thing, I have had control issues since birth - and never intentionally hid diapers from anyone, but definately do NOT make it a point to bring it up either. If somehow it dose fit a conversation, or someone is that curious, exc., o.k. - but no reason to go out of the way to make it a point.

[Fakename4me]

Did anything bad (I hope not) or otherwise ever come out of this?

Just curious...

[missyD]

Nothing at all seems to have transpired. Friends still drop by, I still leave my stuff out, I wear 24/7, am usually in diapers and plastic pants ( always covered with something, but still fairly obvious I think), and nobody has said anything, done anything, or um,,, anything. Of course, it is winter and I tend to be fairly covered up. Thanks for asking fakename.... ( btw, that is one of the most honest names i have ever come across!)

[rosalie.bent]

This was an interesting thread and intersects a lot on what I offer in advice about children discovering an AB parent. You assume they CARE! They probably dont and if they do they most certainly DONT want to know more. In all scenarios the result is the same: status quo.

Did you ever accidentaly catch your parents making love? Did that make you do anything other than wise your brain could be erased? it is similar here. Very few will take any notice and even less will say anything about it.

[curiositykilledthecat]

You owe no explanations.

[Bettypooh]

You may not "owe" anyone anything, but remaining silent = an admission of guilt in most people's eyes. My philosophy is to say enough to clear things up but no more. They wouldn't be the first to use AB as a means of better coping with incontinence, and while it needn't go that far at least it would explain everything enough to stop further questions

"If you don't have a reason then you'd better have a good excuse!"-author unknown.

Bettypooh

[bedwetter bobby]

I believe it is your own business. If your neighbors found out you were a mass murderer perhaps you would expect them to change the way they treat you.But your laundry. Unless they are AB aware or into the scene they most likely could care less.

I have seen or heard many weird things in my life time, but it's their business.If they are worthy neighbors or friends it should change nothing. As a child I wore night diapers, a few times some friends caught a glimpse of of the laundry in the basement but said nothing, on the other hand I was always looking for a telltale sign that I had company.

[missyD]

Well. more and more, the way I look at is that if they don't like me because of that, they aren't the people I thought they were. It is much more than laundry, mind you these days. If you come into our place just about any time, you will see the stuff that you would normally see in a house with a baby. Here a paci there a paci, everywhere a........wait a minute, that is "Old MacDonald !" Okay, you might see a paci, a baby bottle or two around the sink, my blankie, my little waterproof changing pad on my computer chair ( so I don't wet my chair when I come here first thing in the morning) diaper pail, and, well one glance into my room ?

Someone will quietly ask me sooner or later, and , well, one couple who are our friends? If you want to get a message out to the whole world- just whisper to them and it will be on the national news that evening.... I'm not saying they are blabbermouths or anything....... hey wait a minute, that is exactly what I am saying.

But my friends and neighbours know me as a gentle, different sort of person, and I think they see me as the little girl in my relationship with my partner who is 9 years older than me - people who don't know us actually often ask if she is my mother. I think that is not just from the fact that I look young for my age, and vise versa, but they see the dynamic.

I'm not trying to push my lifestyle out there or anything, I am just fed up with hiding it.

One of my partner ( mummy) 's friends said they didn't think it appropriate for me to not hide it as it would make people uncomfortable. My partner was just about to agree, then all of a sudden said, "hey wait! if t tohe gay lesbian community had stayed home so as not not make people uncomfortable, we would all still be in the closet". So, I almost feel a responsibility to be an "out" AB - a representative of our community ,someone who is a nice person, who just happens to like being a baby!