Ab/Dl And Bdsm

[babyjimmy]

Perhaps someone out there can explain to me why there is such a taboo perceived by members of both the AB/DL lifestyle and the BDSM lifestlye toward one another. From my personal experience many who enjoy AB/DL play, view it as only innocent and consider BDSM play to be extreme and off limits. Also from my experience, many in the BDSM lifestyle do not understand or accept AB/DL play.

My introduction to regression was with an ex GF / Mistress. Regression and diaper play were integrated seamlessly into our relationship. I understand that they are not the same, nor are the motivations..but why would SOOOO many who enjoy one, close their mind to ever experiencing the other. I honestly expect that people associated with either interest, both of which carry a larger social taboo to the vanilla world, would be more understanding and accepting of other fetishists.

Can you help shed some light on the apparent disconnect? Are there others out there that enjoy both AB/DL and BDSM...and how they can blend together?

[DailyDi]

Probably come down to the old standby: What I like is fine, what you like it weird!

Personally, I have an interest in both.

[diaperpt]

Probably come down to the old standby: What I like is fine, what you like it weird!

Personally, I have an interest in both.

...what he said.

[tauschung]

I never understood that. I am somewhat active in the fetish community around here, and go to BDSM conventions. Some of the things that people do to each other are way more extreme than diaper play. I haven't come "out" about it, and don't know if I will because of that connotation.

[curiositykilledthecat]

There's not really a taboo, it's just the two tend to stay away from each other. I went to an Ab/dl overnight munch at a Dungeon last June and we all got along fine. i saw many things I'd never go near and some things that looked like fun.

[sarah_ab]

i'm an 'ab'... i'm also a 'sub' i see ab play as a form of bondage and discipline.... i am being forced into diapers, i am being forced to be a baby..

it could be though, that for many here, ab play is not sexual for them, whereas for most people involved in bdsm the whole thing revolves around sexual release/[pleasure of some sort, whether physical or psychological

[beallucanb]

I go to a sight that is mainly for gay men, into BDSM, when I got there no one seemed into diapers AB play, but as I started mentioning it slowly the diaper scene got larger, at first the folks there thought it was weird, but now it's very accepted as just another part of the fetish world we live in.

Things are changing maybe someday diapers and all that go with our fetish will be accepted widely.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I was gonna say, I get hit on constantly from gay abdl men. Would be nice if I were actually gay but alas for them I am a forbidden fruit.(okay even I am laughing while typing this)

[babyjimmy]

I never understood that. I am somewhat active in the fetish community around here, and go to BDSM conventions. Some of the things that people do to each other are way more extreme than diaper play. I haven't come "out" about it, and don't know if I will because of that connotation.

I had similar experience. It seems that many in BDSM community share this interest...but conceal it. A Mistress friend of mine posted an ad online to test this. She was amazed at how many she knew from BDSM scene...that were "straight leather"..that replied to her ad.

I just don't understand why it is taboo in BDSM....even when more then we know embrace it. Just hide it.

[babyjimmy]

i'm an 'ab'... i'm also a 'sub' i see ab play as a form of bondage and discipline.... i am being forced into diapers, i am being forced to be a baby..

it could be though, that for many here, ab play is not sexual for them, whereas for most people involved in bdsm the whole thing revolves around sexual release/[pleasure of some sort, whether physical or psychological

I would dispute that BDSM revolves around sexual release. I would argue that it is exactly that attitude, born out of inexperience that has contributed to the divide. I would argue that true BDSM is quite the opposite. Yes, for some that is a way to express kinky sexual desires...but isn't that true of diapers also? But having been active, and lived that lifestyle for years, I can tell you that for most it is about Dominance and submission...it is about control. Not sex. It may turn out to be sexy...but not overty sexual.

Very similar to ABDL actually.

[babyjimmy]

I am glad to see that there are many of you out there, that like me, enjoy both sides of this and understand and embrace how that can intertwine. I hope that we will all speak up, educate others, to correct the misunderstandings that brought us to this point.

And I hope that every one of us will find the Mommy/Mistress/Daddy/Master or whatever it is that we need to find.

[sarah_ab]

its a sexual fetish..... the dominance and submission and loss or gain of control leads to the same release of chemicals seen when people are engaging in sex. its a sexual release.

it doesn't have to lead to penile vaginal intercourse for it to be a sexual fetish.

and please don't assume i have inexperience in the bdsm community.....

i have been involved in many real life bdsm communities, and engaged in many activities.... and never once was there not some sort of sexual pleasure gained in those experiences by all involved....

[tcc]

I think that a lot of the divide is over the perception that the AB/DL world is not acceptable, because of diapers, which are related to infants - not so much "infancy" - and ANYTHING related to infants by adults screams "pedophile". Since BDSM is more linked to other things, like crime & punishment, torture related to war and warfare, it is "out there" all by itself already. That spectrum of "fetishists" or "kinksters" doesn't relate the dominance and submission or control aspect of using the diaper as a prop in a "scene". It's all in perception.

Actually, if I want to or can incorporate some sort of B & D that I enjoy into my DL side/life/world, great for me. It's MY thing. If the BDSM world can't accept diapers/diapering as a legitimate aspect of THEIR scene, too bad. I don't need their acceptance and/or approval to enjoy myself, and I would simply ignore anyone putting ME down for my leanings and preferences. What somebody ELSE things about ME is the least of my concerns...

I continue to enjoy myself, and have, regardless...

[Little Baby Tony]

My understanding is that DLs make diapers more sexual and ABs make them more childish. I don't think me as an AB could go along with extreme BDSM very well because I'm not into someone taking over me. That's not to say my AB side could not handle particular elements of BDSM (i.e. spanking, corner time), but each relationship is unique and between or among conscious decision-making adults.

[Bettypooh]

Probably come down to the old standby: What I like is fine, what you like is weird!....

There does seem to ba a lot of that in the world concerning everything I've been with a group of TG's to a BSDM club where about a third ignored us (we didn't care) , a third treated us great ; and a third thought we were weird- no matter that they were so overtly goth or in leather that wouldn't fit in on the city streets (which made them just as weird as us though they weren't bright enough to see that) I've also had a 50-50 reaction from lesbian Clubs, though the dislikers there were more 'in your face' about it It all comes down to having enough intelligence to understand that we're all different and that it really doesn't matter

Bettypooh

[Daddy Fred]

Yes indeed, Bettypooh, I've seen this "pot-calling-the-kettle-black" thing all over the fetish and gay world. If only these characters could see themselves as others do, and especially how hilarious they appear with their attitudes -- real comic stuff!

Daddy Fred.

[Bettypooh]

Yes indeed, Bettypooh, I've seen this "pot-calling-the-kettle-black" thing all over the fetish and gay world. If only these characters could see themselves as others do, and especially how hilarious they appear with their attitudes -- real comic stuff!

Daddy Fred.

Don't forget to look at us and laugh some too After all, there is some humor in adults who actually wear diapers and like it Live and let live

Bettypooh

[curiositykilledthecat]

You know I don't really care if the dude tied to the mesh web in a cock and ball torture device thinks I am weird. He's in no position to criticize.

[BriGuy]

I have experienced no such situation within the bdsm world. Maybe its how you folks who have had bad experiences are portraying the lifestyle or the way its being brought to light That is the issue.

[NikABDL]

I haven't experienced this myself but i have heard of others mention it before,

I think ABDL life-choices are seen as full time and "Soft-core" life choices, and there is always the perception that diapers mean children.

whereas BDSM is considered a more part time choice and as a "Hard-core" life choice involving pain and discomfort,

people just don't seem to think the 2 can mix and the feelings for one group from the other seem to match this feeling, regardless of the fact that both are barely understood buy individuals who don't participate in them.

[dlover49]

I would think that diapers can go well with bondage. That way someone can be restrained for an extended time without toileting issues. But this is from someone interested in both...

[curiositykilledthecat]

diapers and bondage go great together, that's about as far into the bdsm side I go.

[tcc]

I would think that diapers can go well with bondage. That way someone can be restrained for an extended time without toileting issues. But this is from someone interested in both...

Exactly...

diapers and bondage go great together, that's about as far into the bdsm side I go.

And, unlike the anxiety of a sub having to "go", with diapers a part of the bondage, the anxiety is having to "go" INTO A DIAPER, which, instead of making a mess, is kept close to the body, a constant reminder OF the bondage and having failed at "holding it". Talk about a natural! And, instead of just bondage, there is the additional humilation of being kept in diapers "like an infant"... To me, it's a plus.

I guess it's just, again, perception by the players of the game. And, it can be, you do your thing, we do ours OR it can be blended. How open-minde ARE the players?

[curiositykilledthecat]

It really depends on your arrangement and trust levels. I am okay with duck tape bondage, I haven't reached a point of handcuffs. At least with duck/duct tape I can wriggle my way out if need be.

[underwhere]

people just don't seem to think the 2 can mix and the feelings for one group from the other seem to match this feeling, regardless of the fact that both are barely understood buy individuals who don't participate in them.

I used to be an active participant on an s&m/BDSM web site. I left that sight primarily because I did not feel free to express the nature of who I am and what I am looking for. In fact, there was a specific exclusion around anything related to AB/DL on that sight, and that was related to a credit card billing processor who did not seem to want to get involved in a problem of misperception. Coincidently, thats one of the reasons I sought out this community and left that one

I while ago, I began a thread here in the "other fetishes: spanking" sub-forum, inquiring about the lack of discussion of something I thought might be a quintessential experience for some here in the ABDL community, and the responses I got were very enlightening to me, and i can understand, partly because of that discussion, the reticense some people have with linking the two together, even as both may be important to some of us here.

I understand that perceptions mean a lot, and for many good reasons, but sometimes I do wonder if perhaps we kowtow too much to the comforts of others, and by doing so, do ourselves a disservice by not allowing ourselves to express our own needs/wants/desires in a perfectly legal way. However, I also understand the golden rule: he with the gold makes the rules. Perhaps that is why we need be so careful with these kind of discussions. When credit card processors unilaterally take action against companies (or threaten to take such action) because of their own perceptions, or that of the legislative body in their respective countries, one need take a hard look at why. The perceived social or economic threat is the usual culprit, regardless of whether or not that perception is based in reality. (wikileaks, anybody?) and because of legislative scrutiny at least here in the USA and the perception of anything "outside of the norm" necessarily being both deviant and dangerous, we all pay the cost. (Is maijuana really a gateway drug, or does it just allow those making money from the criminal justice system to make more money on prison systems and law enforcement? Don'tn you think that if all "illegal drugs" were made legal and regulated, violent drug crimes would drop drastically?)

I don't have a good answer to any of these questions or thoughts. All I can suggest is that if we want change, sometimes, we have to make the change ourselves. Discussions like this thread are a good start toward making that change.