Why Do People Have Such A Negative View Of This Fetish?

[kootzkoo]

People are afraid of things they do not understand.

But I think it's different for different people in why they reject it.

For some people it's because they have a very small threshold on what they think is normal and what is not normal (bad to them)

It would be in my opinion a stretch to say people reject because of the people that make us look bad, because there are a number of people who have not heard of our community or know what we exist.

I was very lucky that the people I have told, have accepted my interests in open arms. i have not told all my friends, but I have told some. and those that i have told have mostly said that it was "interesting"

There will always be close minded people out there, I find it best to stay away from them and let them live their lives looking down on anything that is unique or different.

[sarah_ab]

so i find the fetish of liking to be shit on, or even eating shit, absolutely disgusting, i have nothing positive to say about that fetish what so ever.

i have never been to a scat website, i have never talked to someone into that fetish, but i still have such a negative view of it.

people will have a negative view of this fetish, regardless of who posts what on a message board...

[Frink]

It has a lot to do with the number of pedophiles, wankers and just plain sickos who we allow to be part of this community. There are many people out there doing rude, tasteless and just plain wrong things to get public attention... and it needs to stop. The longer we let these people behave the way they do, the harder it is going to be to find acceptance within other fetish communities and the outside world.

This. This right here. This is why, Jorge. This is why.

[gweg]

So you think that we should not alow people in here who dont think the same thoughts as you?In all the times i went out in public dressed as a baby there where very few who thought that this had anything to do Pedos.Over the years i have talked to 1000s of people about this ,Thing of ours.And i have stressed over and over again that it has nothing to do with real babies.

Plus as a leader we had Heidi Lynn. Who went out all the time in public and was a great rep of the community. And even here we had people attacking her with their better than tho attitude and NO one could go out in public without offending the world.

Well guess what, all this arguing about who ruins what is just as off base as Darkfinn's argument.

[dprtodd]

It has a lot to do with the number of pedophiles, wankers and just plain sickos who we allow to be part of this community. There are many people out there doing rude, tasteless and just plain wrong things to get public attention... and it needs to stop. The longer we let these people behave the way they do, the harder it is going to be to find acceptance within other fetish communities and the outside world.

Sorry Darkfinn - I gotta call you on your argument. If I went to my parents right now and said "Oh by the way I um... ummm... like to wear diapers" I know they would freak and when they freaked it wouldn't have a thing in the world to do with who is or who isn't a member of out community. For my family at least it would be because they would be completely unable to comprehend what anyone would think was 'teh sexy' about wearing and wetting a diaper. OMG WTF would be their initial reaction long before ever thinking about other deeper meanings such as "is this a form of pedophilia?" or "I wonder if the other people that also wear diapers are more or less freaky than my son?" I believe the find the whole diaper thing in and of itself plenty freaky.

I also take exception to this idea that somehow or another there is some great visibility into our community from the whole of society simply because family guy cracked a joke or two and somethingawful.com shows up once a year to jerk our collective chains. Nor do I think there is a federal commission on fetish sites that is making a list and checking it twice to determine which groups are pervy or nice. I imagine that you'd be hard pressed to find a great deal of people who are even aware that ABDL is real and not something made up for that CSI episode a few years ago. And as far as our reception within the larger 'fetish community' goes, I have never felt looked down upon or like I had anything to prove to anyone else because I was an AB, the larger community on a whole has been very kind, respectful and tolerant.

Please don't take this wrong, it's probably going to sound snotty and I don't mean it that way and I am not attacking you. I get that you are on a crusade against all those who you for what ever reason don't approve of and thats fine. And before you play the what about the pedos card, I think everyone here would agree that anyone who hurts children needs to be buried under the jail, so that isn't even a point up for debate. But to go after people because you think they're rude or tasteless? That is such a slippery slope - and so very subjective, what gives you the moral authority to decide for me what is right and wrong? I bet if I asked my Mom (after she calmed down which would take a week or two) she'd say this whole practice was rude and tasteless and that all of us should seek professional help because sane people don't pee their pants or wear diapers for fun.

I think that as a community we have the obligation to self regulate, but if all you can bring to the table is finger pointing and accusations that someone said something tacky, or gross, or rude - then you, at least to me, come off as overly judgmental at best and at worst like a bratty child who doesn't want to play a game any longer simply because everyone is not playing just exactly the way you wanted to play.

Also in closing what is this "acceptance in the outside world" stuff about? I've seen a lot of people post with grave concerns about how we are perceived by the outside world, or how we are treated in the media. And my points about 99.997% of the outside world not having a clue about us aside, what is the expectation here? "Oh that creepy guy in Ottowa got busted for being a pedo so now the rest of us had to cancel our baby pride parade becuase you know the timing would just be too awkward?" "If only that man wouldn't have ruined it for all of us. If it weren't for him I would be wearing snap crotch jeans to the office on casual Fridays because that is whats going to happen when finally we are all accepted and allowed to be who we are!" Are we going to someday have AB Rights marches so that we can have equal treatment under the law like the leather group enjoys? I know my examples are all superfluous - but not in a sarcastic manner, I really and truly want to know exactly what "our image" is for and why we should be working so hard to cultivate acceptance the unknowing public.

[dprtodd]

so i find the fetish of liking to be shit on, or even eating shit, absolutely disgusting, i have nothing positive to say about that fetish what so ever.

i have never been to a scat website, i have never talked to someone into that fetish, but i still have such a negative view of it.

people will have a negative view of this fetish, regardless of who posts what on a message board...

You managed to distill much of what I wanted to say in my long winded post to a few succinct lines. I wish that I could put things so simply and directly, thank you.

I feel 100% like you do about scat, and scat related topics including messy diapers, but I will personally defend them to the nth degree despite not liking them. I feel most folks who do not share our predilection will never come to understand or approve of something so alien to them.

[FretaBWet]

No offense... but you have no idea. There is plenty of public acceptance of BDSM and related activities... but even many of the BDSM folks hate us. From what I have experienced there are 3 primary causes of this.

#1: Ignorance and Miseducation. The AB/DL community doesn't have many members who act as teachers to the outside world... so people are left to draw conclusions from whatever fragmented bits of information that they can find, most of which is bad. Take this site for example... it is easily accessible by outsiders. You read two or three intelligent threads on relevant topics, then you get to the "I like to shit myself and walk around in public." part. If you were an outsider, what conclusion would you draw?

#2: Lack of leadership. The AB/DL community doesn't have any well known and respected leaders to help us organize and adopt rules and standards.

#3: Extremists. Because we lack rules and standards there is a percentage of the community that take things way too far. These are the people who cause the negative information to be generated in the first place. Since there are no leaders to stand up to them they run amok willy-nilly and do whatever they please... giving us all a bad rap by association.

You expect to have rules?

Think about what you're saying. For the majority of this community this is in some way, shape or form a fetish. How can you have rules? How could enforce rules even if someone enacted them.

Hugs,

Freta

[sarah_ab]

rules are easy.

rule 1. Everyone who doesn't agree with me is wrong, immoral, unethical, and should not be allowed to post and should be banned from the site.

rule 2. Everyone must +1 all my posts, because if you are on the site, you clearly agree with me.

[Yvhuce]

Certain people have trepidations about divulging this fetish to loved ones but what makes enjoying nappies less socially acceptable then other fetishes?

Because stuff like this is what gets the attention of the public:

Dude I get asked every so often. I mean, it is kind of obvious when I shop since I fill the cart full of baby stuff and adult diapers.

Once a cashier asked slowly: "Um...are these for....someone?"

I said : "Nope they are for me. I have trained myself to be dependant on diapers. I am fully wet now, and slightly messed."

She looked like WTF????

Guy behind me chuckled a bit. Oh well.

Combine that with all the diaper art and diaper stories out there that include minors and forced diapering and diaper use, and about 98% of the stories in the "Diapers in the news" section and you've got what the public mainly sees of ABDLs. Most of us are otherwise "normal" people who don't draw attention to ourselves. Therefore, we don't really get the public exposure of all the wackos and nut-jobs... It's a lot like how the general perception of "country folk = hillbillies".

[Guest NaughtyAshes]

clearly darkfinn is new to the interwebz. He hasn't realized it is chocked full of sickos and weirdos who, in real life are actually fairly normal folks.

[belinda_sue_fox]

I think the two areas that are being discussed and looked down on or going out in ab/dl attire and talking about doing the business in a diaper.

While i don't like to read any of the dumping stuff you can't really object to it as this is an ab/dl site after all. I think what really is makes the difference is when people are doing it for sexual gratification or just going on and on about it repeatidly.

Same with the going out dressed etc there is a huge difference to Billy nomates walking to the center of a big full supermarket doing a dump in a diaper then wandering about in a sexual haze hoping people will notice and going out like Heidi Lyn etc did.

I think most people know when people are doing things in a sexual way. Billy nomates will be known as a sexual freak and people like Heidi will get known for just being odd. The general public don't mind odd, what they don't like is other peoples sexual experiences being shoved in front of them.

It seems to boil down more to not what you do but how you do it.

[rusty pins]

My take on the subject. First of all, this fetish probably has a much broader range of different interets within the "Diaper Fetish" community than some other fetishes. Some people are AB's who like a wide variety of baby things and baby play. Others are DL's who are not into the baby stuff as much but just like diapers. Even within the DL part of it, you have people who just like wearing diapers, some who just like wetting and some who like wetting and messing. Some do it just at home and others go out in their diapers going about their normal every day activities. Then you have people getting their jollies by letting their diapers show. If you don't believe this wide variety of different activities within our culture exists, just look at the controversy that erupts between different members within a lot of the forum posts.

Why mention all of that? Because I feel that this fetish isn't the same as someone who has a rubber raincoat fetish or foot fetish. I think those types of fetishes are simpler and not as complex. When someone within the general public finds out about the adult diaper community, it may not just be one thing that runs through their mind depending on what they have heard about it. Maybe they would be a lot more acceptable if all they were aware of was someone who was actually incontinent and needed to wear diapers medically but also stated that he or she once in a while hugs a teddy bear and regresses a little as a way of dealing with the fact that he or she has to wear diapers for a medical condition. With the broad range of different interests, you might see how people can get the wrong ideas or feel disgusted at the whole situation. Yes, an adult who goes out in public dressed in baby clothes and diapers, especially when they go to parks and playgrounds (where actual children hang out) might very easily make people connect them with pedofiles. They don't realize that this person just wants to be a kid themself, they think he is wanting to attract children for other purposes. I think of how many pedofiles I've read about in the papers and seen on TV over the years that have dressed as clowns and performed at children's birthday parties. When people hear about adults dressed in baby clothes out in public or at playgrounds and parks, they may very well think along those same lines as the clown dressed pedofiles. Likewise, when people hear that someone likes to wear and use diapers for enjoyment, that can be disgusting to them. As stated many many times, the accepted behavior is to learn to be toilet trained as soon as possible so your waste products can be properly eliminated and disposed of in an acceptable way. The very idea of someone choosing to eliminate their waste products in a diaper that they wear and then continue going about their day with their "filth" on their body is disgusting to most people (especially when you do it every day out in public around other people who can smell you and then you don't change for many hours).

How can you explain to someone else just what it is about soiling yourself that is so enjoyable? Same is true about explaining to someone what it is about dressing up as a baby, getting spanked, punished, drinking out of baby bottles and regressing that is so pleasurable? That would be like me trying to understand why a guy would get so turned on by seeing a woman in a rubber raincoat that he would cross a busy highway against the light just to rub up against it (true story). Same is true about me trying to understand why someone would be so turned on about people's feet. I don't understand it, however if I was just a regular person, I wouldn't be as disgusted about someone having a fetish for feet or rubber raincoats as I probably would about someone wanting to wear diapers and soil themselves purpously! Likewise, I probably would think that someone is perverted for wanting to touch or rub against another person's rubber raincoat. The idea that an adult would dress in baby clothes and diapers, wet and possibly mess their diapers and then have another adult as their "mommy" or "daddy" spank, punish, cuddle and change their used diaper would seem to go way beyond just a perverted rubber fetish. To the ignorant (ignorant dosn't mean stupid, it means uneducated. Without knowledge), I think people can see how they would jump to conclusions and think that someone who would change an adult's diaper for fun and play at being a daddy or mommy would also want to do it with others, such as children. The same can be said for someone who likes wearing diapers and wetting/messing them in public. If babies and toddlers do this, the people might assume that an adult doing the same thing for enjoyment relates their activities to what these babies and toddlers naturally do and might want to do their diaper wearing and messing around children to be more like them. If someone does it in public dressed as a baby, wouldn't this make seem to make sense to those who are uneducated about this lifestyle?

The thing is, with all the jumping to conclusions, close mindedness, misconceptions and the fact that most of these diaper fetishes go against what people percieve as normal society behavior, how can we change the perceptions of what we do and why? What can we say and do to change these people into understanding that, while different, it is just another type of fetish and children are not involved. No pedofilia. Yelling and arguing our point will only reinforce people's idea that we are nuts. Trying to explain to someone in a calm and educated way won't work either if the person your trying to explain things to has already made up their minds that you are a perverted child molestor who likes sitting around in dirty smelly diapers and sucking on a baby bottle! Only open minded people who want to try and understand why we do what we do will be affected positivly by our rational explinations. They still may not like it or fully understand it, but they may be a little more accepting of this lifestyle if they are open to learning more about it. Unfortunatly, I believe the majority of people will still find the idea disgusting and won't even listen to any explination of this lifestyle. That means the battle is not lost, but you feel like a squad of soldiurs getting ready to do battle with an entire regiment.

[jeremy12312]

Have you been out in the Fetish community at all? Ever hung out with the BDSM crowd or gone to a dungeon?

There are rules, there are standards of behavior and the people that don't abide by them quickly find themselves ostracized because they draw massive amounts of negative attention to the community.

Why, yes. Yes I have spent plenty of time with BDSM folk in the dungeon. These rules aren't quite what you think they are. Nobody would ever get ostracized for wearing handcuffs in public, or collars, or publicly submitting to their dominant. People typically get the boot for being an asshole, talking smack about others, inappropriate touching without consent, or interrupting a scene in progress. I personally shun people who ride on their high horses, trying to tell everyone else what to do. :cough: I can't think of a single time that ANYONE thought "What will they think of us?", because we're so far out on the fringe, they will NEVER accept us.

A guy I know was fired a couple of weeks ago because someone anonymously sent photos from his Fetlife profile to his HR department.

My girlfriend is on the organizing board for a fairly large pro/lifestyle BDSM convention that just wrapped up here in LA last week. If you're worried about how people appear in public, you would have died in that hotel lobby. People coming in on leash, clothing that exactly met legal requirements for "decency", light play in public, etc. And you know what, people collect the disapproving stares of the vanillas with pride. I was working the registration desk, and I heard story after story, laugh after laugh, about how people were reacting. And guess what, every year, the hotel staff tell us how we're the favorite convention they host.

Quit worrying about being accepted by the public at large. It's not going to happen. The sooner you realize that, the happier you're going to be.

[waynecook52]

people will have a negative view of this fetish, regardless of who posts what on a message board...

[waynecook52]

Why, yes. Yes I have spent plenty of time with BDSM folk in the dungeon. These rules aren't quite what you think they are. Nobody would ever get ostracized for wearing handcuffs in public, or collars, or publicly submitting to their dominant. People typically get the boot for being an asshole, talking smack about others, inappropriate touching without consent, or interrupting a scene in progress. I personally shun people who ride on their high horses, trying to tell everyone else what to do. :cough: I can't think of a single time that ANYONE thought "What will they think of us?", because we're so far out on the fringe, they will NEVER accept us.

A guy I know was fired a couple of weeks ago because someone anonymously sent photos from his Fetlife profile to his HR department.

My girlfriend is on the organizing board for a fairly large pro/lifestyle BDSM convention that just wrapped up here in LA last week. If you're worried about how people appear in public, you would have died in that hotel lobby. People coming in on leash, clothing that exactly met legal requirements for "decency", light play in public, etc. And you know what, people collect the disapproving stares of the vanillas with pride. I was working the registration desk, and I heard story after story, laugh after laugh, about how people were reacting. And guess what, every year, the hotel staff tell us how we're the favorite convention they host.

Quit worrying about being accepted by the public at large. It's not going to happen. The sooner you realize that, the happier you're going to be.

Great reply

[gweg]

The thing is, with all the jumping to conclusions, close mindedness, misconceptions and the fact that most of these diaper fetishes go against what people percieve as normal society behavior, how can we change the perceptions of what we do and why? What can we say and do to change these people into understanding that, while different, it is just another type of fetish and children are not involved. No pedofilia.

The next thing is when everyone hides behind the bushes and thinks that making rules that some people here believe everyone should hide from the public as the only way we can survive.

Well that is wrong too. If we want to be accepted as a group than the vocal majority can not be hiding but willing to talk, discuss and not be afraid of being seen in public. How you choose to be seen is totally up to you but remember this if you only let the few pedophiles or totally out of control individuals be the face of the AB/DL group than you sew what you reap.

It is not a crime to be out in the yard barbecuing in your t-shirt and plastic pants over a diaper if that is what your into. It is not a crime to be out in your skirt with your diaper under it appearing once in a while if that is what your into. It is not a crime for someone to have wet pants on either and if when my diaper leaks like it did last week at the gas station and my pants got wet I shouldn't have to suffer to go to the bathroom with my bag and change because you people want to make that a group crime.

I am perturbed at all the people that want to hide ALL of us in the closet ALL the time.

I'm medically incontinent and have been since 89. I learned to survive and than enjoy myself because of this group and other internet groups like DPF. I used AB to regress myself at a very vulnerable time in my life just to keep my sanity and now I completely enjoy it. I have learned over the years from the long time members of this group to enjoy my life and that there is nothing wrong with being in diapers and living with FUN also in my life!!! Yes, I go outside at home in my T- and diapers on in the front yard when I need to. Yes I barbecue that way too. Yes I wear only my diaper and T in the house when it is hot. TMost of my neighbors know I'm in diapers and have seen me changing water on the lawn or at the barbecue and laugh or not they still come to the house and say hi. Yes I have kids who got to find out about their dad's diapers (all 5 of them) at ages from 10 and up till today when the youngest is a marine overseas now! We survived Thanks to people like Sara, Jenny, Angela, Heidi Lynn, Daily Di, Repaid, Diaperdwitch, Soggy, and a lot of others whose just writing posts and discussion with an open mind what people are. And now I want to say thanks for that too as I don't write as much on here as others.

Now again the reason I'm upset and a little mad at the direction of the topic.

Last week I got caught out at the gas pumps with my diaper (that slipped) and wet pants all the way down my leg and when my friend told me to look out (to late) and asked if I had something to change into (which I didn't except a dry diaper and NO pants. Some of you are wanting to make me feel like I'm a criminal for what happened and coming out of the bathroom the way I did!!! THAT IS WRONG!!!

NOW THIS topic and the self-righteous that want to call all of us that have been in public situation asses and perves are totally wrong and if they think that their hiding the real AB/DL's from public eye is going to be the solution they are sadly mistaken. All of us need to remember their is nothing wrong with being on the beach in plastic pants and a diaper enjoying the day with the wife or kids. There is nothing wrong with going to the store in your baby dress and diapers complete with bonnet and paci if that is you (just remember Heidi Lynn) getting your groceries. If something is seen like this from some of us now we may be looked at strange but than just maybe sometime in the near future that when I have another accident in public so many people won't laugh and call me perve. And it sure seems to me that a few of you here today already would call me that and I didn't do anything wrong.

I will get off now but just remember some of us are just as normal as you think you are and have been paying the consequences for your attitudes towards us!!!

[curiositykilledthecat]

You should really do some reading on Greek, Roman and Victorian era sexuality... historically speaking things weren't as conservative and closed off as you might think.

Upon development of the video camcorder one of the first things filmed was a naked woman. Society has never been all that prude. People in general know about kinks, at least in a basic sense; however sex is not something everyone wants to talk about. It's not close minded of people who do not wish to engage in kinks, it is just the nature of that individual.

[Darkfinn]

You expect to have rules?

Think about what you're saying. For the majority of this community this is in some way, shape or form a fetish. How can you have rules? How could enforce rules even if someone enacted them.

Hugs,

Freta

Why does it seem that everyone 40+ in age thinks it is impossible to change this community for the better?

Well wake up and smell the coffee old timers... things are changing. There is a new generation of AB/DLs on the rise and a lot of us are fed up with the entire community being chock full of crap like you read on (That Site).

Rules would be relatively easy to set up and enforce, at least as far as the online community is concerned. It seems so simple to me... even within a "fetish" there are proper things to discuss, and tasteful ways to discuss them.

Let's take a look here.

#1: No content involving minors IN ANY WAY.

#2: No bullshit, blatant lies, or obvious fabrications under the guise of "truth".

#3: Reporting or encouraging others to act out in a public setting is not allowed.

#4: Keep it tasteful. There are better ways to discuss things than saying "I like to make poppy diperz, do u??"

By following these simple guidelines we could get rid of a lot of the garbage that makes AB/DL look so bad... it would simply be up to the mods/admins on AB/DL sites to enforce the rules through warnings, kicks, and bans.

Now getting admins from across the web to agree to enforce a particular set of standards may be difficult. The websites are here because they make money, and if we go chasing off a percentage of the users income drops. However, I represent that if online communities clean up their act there would be a lot more genuine and intelligent people appearing to post in them. I know a large number of people who don't participate in sites like this one simply because they are tired of the crap, and this group consists of some of the best and most fun individuals in the entire community.

Anyways... there's my stance. I'll leave it for you all to ridicule and pick apart.

[timmyc]

Why does it seem that everyone 40+ in age thinks it is impossible to change this community for the better?

Well wake up and smell the coffee old timers... things are changing. There is a new generation of AB/DLs on the rise and a lot of us are fed up with the entire community being chock full of crap like you read on (That Site).

Rules would be relatively easy to set up and enforce, at least as far as the online community is concerned. It seems so simple to me... even within a "fetish" there are proper things to discuss, and tasteful ways to discuss them.

Let's take a look here.

#1: No content involving minors IN ANY WAY.

#2: No bullshit, blatant lies, or obvious fabrications under the guise of "truth".

#3: Reporting or encouraging others to act out in a public setting is not allowed.

#4: Keep it tasteful. There are better ways to discuss things than saying "I like to make poppy diperz, do u??"

By following these simple guidelines we could get rid of a lot of the garbage that makes AB/DL look so bad... it would simply be up to the mods/admins on AB/DL sites to enforce the rules through warnings, kicks, and bans.

Now getting admins from across the web to agree to enforce a particular set of standards may be difficult. The websites are here because they make money, and if we go chasing off a percentage of the users income drops. However, I represent that if online communities clean up their act there would be a lot more genuine and intelligent people appearing to post in them. I know a large number of people who don't participate in sites like this one simply because they are tired of the crap, and this group consists of some of the best and most fun individuals in the entire community.

Anyways... there's my stance. I'll leave it for you all to ridicule and pick apart.

It is possible to control what is posted to boards, yes. If someone chooses to do something in public for their own thrills and gets caught and it makes the papers it is still going to reflect on the "community" whether or not they are active posters here. If an adult commits an act that subjects them to arrest or an ass kicking well that is their choice and consequences I thought that we did have a rule about posting about mentioning that site by name, so by spelling it out and circumventing the filters, aren't you guilty of breaking the so called rules you hope to enforce? If content is questionable, I trust Daily and Repaid and any other actual powers that be, will remove them, but if we all are 100% saying the exact same thing, their won't be a need for discussions at all.

[Nat]

The problem is you don't know what is BS. Just because it has never happened to you doesn't mean it can't happen to others.

For example, no one in my family has ever been murdered so maybe I should call BS on anyone who says someone in their family was murdered.

[squashNstretch]

Just popping in to say: I have never known anyone to actually correlate diapers and pedophilia other than trolls. I did an ask/tell at somethingawful a couple of years back, and not a single one of them asked if it had anything to do with kids. None. And that is a troll website.

People are averse to anything out of the norm. Think of what our own groups general attitude might be to crossdressing. Golden showers. Cake farting. The latter is funny, and most people think what we do is funny. Harmless, silly, fun.

[curiositykilledthecat]

What the heck is cake farting?I'm afraid to google it.

[Missy Q]

What the heck is cake farting?I'm afraid to google it.

I think it was a series of videos that went public awhile back. It was of a bunch of girls farting on foods like cake. It got a lot of negative publicity.

[sarah_ab]

ahhh gosh i love it when people get all holier than though and think they should run this site..

heres an idea.

IF SOMEONE THINKS THEY CAN DO IT BETTER THAN GO CREATE YOUR OWN SITE AND STOP TELLING EVERYONE HERE WHAT TO DO.

[Goerge]

Hmmmmm? Who said my threads are like train wrecks?