How Do You Potty Train Your Children If You Wear Diapers?

[DiaperNewb]

So my 3 year old is still having issues with potty training. He still wears diapers full time because he almost never tells us when he needs to go. When I got home from work last night, my wife told me that he did use the potty yesterday evening, and she praised him and told him that it would be awesome if he could go to the potty every time instead of his diapers.

Then he hit her with the reply we've both been expecting sooner or later. "But daddy uses diapers." We've already explained (in simple terms) that my surgeries made it so that I don't always make it to the bathroom in time and that I need diapers in case I have an accident, the importance of being a "big kid," and that he won't be able to go to school like his brother and sister if he is still in diapers (but since he won't start until the fall, that threat doesn't hold much power to him right now).

Anyone have some advice for us? We didn't have to deal with this with the other two, but it looks like it's going to be a challenge.

[rickibrat2]

just tell him somepeople have to use diapers but it can casue a lot of proplems if you are still in them

i potty trained my kids i have work with many children as a nurse and still potty trained them some knew i wore diapers some did not i never tried to hide it i was never told to hide it

i was tokd i had to wear long arms shirts to cover up the ink on my arms or chest so no tee shirts for me in those days at work

but i was also funny when certian people blew i was the one called to deal with them and no one care if i took my shirt off as it defused the problems faster many times no one want to go to war

[Depends1578]

Why does your child know you wear? Did you tell him? Do your other 2 kids know? Did you get caught? I need a better understanding/some background about this surgery to offer some advice.

Edit: not in depth about the specific surgery but did you have a surgery and are you being honest with the child?

[square_duck]

Thats a tough one. I guess it becomes more of a case of "do as I say (suggest) than what I do". You might have a legit reason for wearing, but it might also be a difficult thing for a small child to comprehend, since they don't understand surgery and stuff like that. Most kids look up to their parents as roll models and want to be like them, and do what they do, and if you are wearing for what ever reason, that might create a conflice in your sons mind in what you are asking of him.

I'm not sure how to get around this one, but you might just let nature and social pressure/ peer pressure do it's thing to get it sorted out. He might have to endure some teasing from other kids and go through that uncomfortable experience before he makes up his mind about what he should be doing.

Good luck either way.

qwack

[miss marcia]

I think that it was being forced out of nappies at a very early age that made me fixated with getting back into them. So I would never try to pressure a child into giving up his nappy, it may be the wrong time if he is feeling insecure. Also what about if he/she is a diaper lover in the making? It is like forcing a child to play with tanks and guns instaed of dolls (or vice versa) because you dont want them to turn out to be gay.

[DiaperNewb]

Why does your child know you wear?

When I was in the hospital following my surgery last October to repair 2 hernias and take-down the colostomy I had in June of 08 due to a ruptured intestine, my mother-in-law explained it to the kids. I would have preferred to tell them myself once I adjusted more after recovery, but they would have been told either way.

So I would never try to pressure a child into giving up his nappy, it may be the wrong time if he is feeling insecure.

We aren't trying to pressure him. He doesn't get punished if he goes in his diaper, but gets rewarded for going in the potty. It's just that what he said the other night brought up a factor I honestly hadn't thought of, and I wasn't sure if it was going to become a problem in the long run. He only just turned 3 in November, and boys are slower to get trained than girls, so I'm not freaking out or anything.

[Horndog]

I just think you should really put an emphasis on the reward incentive. Then he'll focus on getting something that he wants more than wearing diapers and not getting anything as a result.

[babykeiff]

'and boys are slower to get trained than girls' .... That is a common myth.

Now we have that over, a diapered child will chose one day NOT to use his/her diaper. Your actions (encouragement / lack thereof / reward / need use of diapers etc) will not change the actual day and time your son decides that he does not want diapers anymore. At the moment, he is learning that he CAN use the potty when he wants to, but also can use his diapers. He may find that he is secure in his diapers, and does not want to (now) give up that security, but as you and most parents know, a child's mind will change for the smallest of reasons. What I really strongly suggest is that you don't pressure him to give up diapers. If he wants to wear diapers and use them, let him, but he will, (mark my words) come to you or his mother one day and say that he is no longer a baby, and doesn't want diapers anymore. This transition will happen, as long as you don't pressure him.

Figure out between your partner and yourself, why do you want him out of diapers now - is it for his benefit, or for yours? He will eventually loose interest in diapers, and be more independent. Think of it this way, you didn't teach him how to walk... he realized that it was easier and quicker to get around walking than crawling. This is the same in most of the milestones that your son will pass.

[babytommy1981]

I helped train my little nephew and he knows i wear diapers, it was hard but after he seen me on the potty going number 2, he kinda did hey uncle tommy is on the potty way to go uncle tommy, lol. after that he started to use it too. but he is now 6 yrs old and knows that i wear diapers because i got hurt really bad. it takes time to potty train every kid is diffrent and goes at there pace.

[lil jenny]

When I was in the hospital following my surgery last October to repair 2 hernias and take-down the colostomy I had in June of 08 due to a ruptured intestine, my mother-in-law explained it to the kids. I would have preferred to tell them myself once I adjusted more after recovery, but they would have been told either way.

We aren't trying to pressure him. He doesn't get punished if he goes in his diaper, but gets rewarded for going in the potty. It's just that what he said the other night brought up a factor I honestly hadn't thought of, and I wasn't sure if it was going to become a problem in the long run. He only just turned 3 in November, and boys are slower to get trained than girls, so I'm not freaking out or anything.

my personel take on this is..... he knows you ware... and in simple terms... say daddy was hurt and needs the extra protection of the diapers in case. so like other big boys. he should learn to use the potty. but you are not like other big boys because you were hurt

[Bettypooh]

This isn't really about your wearing diapers, but more about child-rearing. As growth occurs, so does ability- at some point the child should become potty trained. There should be no fixed time for any stage of development- measuring time is man-made, not natural. Each person develops at their own rate and needs to be allowed whatever time they need

In parenting there will always be the paradox of "do as I say, don't do as I do"; therefore a parent must necessarily be a figure of authority and assert that as needed. It is good to explain the reasons at a level which the child can understand- regulation without explanation only leads to rebellion

Children need to be slowly eased into the real world, and here there are rewards and punishments, so the 'new age' idea of dropping punishment and rewarding only is unrealistic- it will only serve to empower the child to reject your authority should they not desire the reward being offered

Of course you should potty train the child- that is a normal step in development. As long as the child is capable of it, this should be done early since this is the first major step of social development and allows the child their first real act of independence, complete with it's inherent rewards

Now, having said all that, I didn't have reliable control of my bladder until very late. No amount of reward or punishment could (or can) change nature and my body. I endured a living he!! because of a parent who would not accept that. I was taken out of diapers with no return allowed years before my body was ready. That single act ruined my life. I have no good memories of childhood that don't come to an abrupt end as I wet my pants. In all other aspects I had a relatively good childhood; even superb in some ways. This came about even after doctors and shrinks couldn't find a reason for my wetting problem. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that if your child needs diapers they should be given until that need ends no matter when that time is. Do not make them suffer the embarrassment and social rejection of being known to the entire world as a pantswetter

It seems you're on the right track with this, encouraging potty training while explaining your condition, and expecting then rewarding appropriate behavior. This should work in time. If it doesn't then increase the rewards and introduce the dark side of punishment- do this incrementally. At some point the lesson will be learned Encourage the growth towards becoming a "big kid", showing the benefits of that. Where appropriate deny those benefits explaining that "big kids" are all potty trained and until that happens there will be no "big kid" fun for the child. This will encourage the child to desire potty training and begin working towards it. There's nothing worse for a child than to see their peers having fun while they can't. As with all rewards and all punishments you must always be consistent to avoid sending mixed signals. That's the tough part of being a parent, but it has to happen. You won't be acting "hard-hearted", you're only being realistic and that is the best way a child can learn how the real world works, and how to best deal with it

If none of this seems to be working after a reasonable time, and the child is obviously trying their best, seek medical advice and help- some things are correctable. If that leads to a dead-end then remember as hard as it is, supporting the child mentally and emotionally is the most important thing a parent does, and nobody can do that as well as a loving parent. In my own life I'm now sure that my Dad loved me and wanted what he thought was best for me. That realization was a long time coming because I couldn't understand why he forced me to become a social outcast when he could have saved me a huge amount of suffering by simply allowing me to have the bladder protection I needed. Please don't ever do that to a child. Realize that we're all different, with different needs and wants and growth times, but that the one thing we all need is enough social acceptance to get through this crazy world with our hearts, minds, and souls intact. The ultimate expression of love is caring and helping however you can- even when you don't agree or understand

Bettypooh

[babyvr6]

I just think you should really put an emphasis on the reward incentive. Then he'll focus on getting something that he wants more than wearing diapers and not getting anything as a result.

This. You just really need to figure out what it is that he wants. What can you "barter" in exchange for his potty training. Every kid has a "currency" that they will do anything for, you just need to figure out what it is.

[square_duck]

This. You just really need to figure out what it is that he wants. What can you "barter" in exchange for his potty training. Every kid has a "currency" that they will do anything for, you just need to figure out what it is.

What most kids want is parental approval , love an acceptance. They don't know to much about material things, since they are really young to know much. A hug, a tickle, or cuddle. They look up to parents since that are all they know and have literally been around them all their lives. Being a roll model and teaching them things is possibly the greatest thing a parent can do. Its not easy, but understanding that goes a long way. Material things (toys) only go so far and what do they really teach the child? you can always get a 'thing" but getting and receiving love and acceptance and guidance is something that comes and goes, and the opportunities for that are small windows that many people miss.

Potty training isn't really 'training' but an Unlearning process. One of the first sensations children learn or get after they are born is the sensation of a wet diaper, and relieving themselves on the spot and having it stay in that spot (diaper) and not immediately being cleaned up and kept dry. This goes on for the 2 1/2 years of their lives...which is a long time, and it's all they know, so they have to unlearn this and relearn to listen to their bodies and learn control. Learn to hold it for a short time until they can get to a bathroom. They also have to 'want' to do this, which is difficult, since it is so much easer (as we all know) just to use a diaper instead (immediate gratification).

The contradiction does arise if a parent (roll model) is incontinent and wears diapers, and the child will ask "why". It can be a touchy subject, but can be side stepped with peer pressure from other kids who are 'trained' and use the bathroom and will tease and taunt the 'untrained' as they are different, and haven't 'conformed' to the socially acceptable 'norm" of things.

They will learn, one way or another. The "currency" as mentioned above, though, is love and acceptance and roll modeling and patience.

Everything else becomes un-important if these are constantly presented first and foremost.

Good luck!

[turtlepins]

I really worried about potty training my three kids. There were times when they crawled into bed with us because they were afraid and we let them. My kids knew, though I never really talked about it unless asked. Then I would explain the injuries that led to my incontinence. They all were potty trained between two-and-a-half and three-years old. They all decided when they didn't want to wear diapers any more and it worked out. I could have spared myself a lot of consternation and worry! Good luck. The most important thing about raising kids is to love them. If they know you love them, you're gonna be okay!

[babykeiff]

...

One of the first sensations children learn or get after they are born is the sensation of a wet diaper, and relieving themselves on the spot and having it stay in that spot (diaper) and not immediately being cleaned up and kept dry.

...

Square Duck,

most of what you stated is correct, but the above is not. A newborn child does not associate the feeling of being damp / wet / messy with the prior act of relieving themselves. The child knows what is comfortable and what is not comfortable - and if its diaper is messy OR cold, the child will cry, not because it knows that it has wet or messed its diapers, it is cause it feels uncomfortable.

Toilet training is firstly teaching a child that the cold / wet / messy feeling that it is feeling is caused by itself after it has wet / messed its diaper. It also tells the child that there is another way to deal with this. This takes time for a child to process, and the child will, within a few days to a few weeks, decide on its own, after being given the information, to want to use a toilet instead of its diapers. Everything else subsequent to that, is practice - only if the child does not get too stressed. A child will stress when one places adult concequences on its learning process - ie goal or rewards on success, and nothing on failure. This will stress, and reverse the toilet training process, and some children will rebel to this stress, and regress by as much as three months development.

Correspondingly, a child does not care if another (peer / adult / career / parent ) is in diapers. It will only look at its own comfort. Does a wheelchair bound parent / parents have difficulty trying to teach a baby to walk. The answer is a resounding no. The baby will decide that it can move quicker walking than it can crawling.... and despite what an adult would perceive as setbacks, the baby will keep practicing until it can balance, walk and then run.

As I stated in an earlier post, and others concur, a child will train in its own time, and not on YOUR or anyone elses schedule.

[wethills19]

My best friend is going thought almost the same thing with his twins. (both three and a half) He was In a car accident five months ago and can’t walk with out help and uses a wheelchair when out in public. He has little feeling below his belly and his two boy are like but daddy uses diapers. So he just seed yep I do but I change myself. So he took away there diapers except at night and gave them pull-ups and make them clean up after themselves. They are home schooled and still use them once in a wile but have all but quit using them.