Cant Take This Anymore

[TapouT]

Im not the type of person to bring up "mommy issues" on a forum, or bring them up at all, but this is way too out of hand.

Im 19, still living with her, hoping to move out next year when I wrap things up with the community college and move onto bigger, better things in Embry Riddle.

Okay, well, allow me to introduce myself. Im a ROTC sargeant, I have a 3.9, I play 3, count them, 3 sports, and seen more education in elementary school than my mother has seen in a lifetime.

I work hard, very very hard, and this is my "rewarding" life:

-Im not allowed to have a safe, Im not allowed to even have a lock on my door.

-She abused me when I was little, smacked me around, called me names, was never, and I MEAN NEVER, 'motherly' towards me, now she doesnt do any of that but she tries to control my life

- She'll take the car away if I "sass" her, like Im a little kid, and I PAID for that car, down payment, insurance, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS

Now lets introduce Ms. Neurotic Weirdo to infantilism

When she finds a diaper under my bed, she :

1) calls up every immediate family member: my brother, aunt, father, and blabs my business

2) mocks me, imitates me and teases me constantly

3) tells me how "socially rejected" I am. Let me put it this way, Im too busy to party, at least this year.

She tells me that Im going to start 'subconsciously' distancing myself away from people.

4) She tells me that Im gonna turn out a freak if I keep this up

5) She tells me Im a pedophile

6) She tells me I need legal help

7) She takes the car away

8) She tells me I have brain damage

9) She tells me the people I talk to about this are maladapted weirdos and are freaks of society (Ill give you her liscence plate number if you wanna slash her tires)

10) She tries to convince people, my brother, father, aunt, etc, people who respect me (or USED to respect me, rather) to talk to me, but they want no parts of the argument.

Now I feel sick to my stomach about the whole thing. I feel like a weirdo. I feel if I were to quit infantilism, Id be lonely and miserable inside, I feel like I kept growing mentally and physically that I was so smart and strong but my emotional side got left behind and stayed as a little baby. If I were to stop, Id feel dead inside, like I have nothing left. I never even had a childhood, I never even had a mother that loved me like "normal" people do.

And she doesnt understand that....

[DailyDi]

You are 19, the car should be in your name if you paid for it.

Now for the tough part: if you have to live with her (which it sounds like you do for a little while longer) then sadly you do have to follow her rules to a point.

[dlsmd]

but first

take a deep breath and relax a little

then thare are two things you can do

1. if your stuck at your parents house do as DD suggested and try to move out ASAP!

2. If your not stuck at home MOVE OUT ASAP!

[packrat]

Find a compatible roommate and move out. This is a bad relationship that will not improve, and your resentment will increase and harden. You are old enough to leave the nest, or whatever you want to call it. It sure doesn't sound like "home"

You've reached the age where it is time to exercise control over your destiny. But, like the advice above: If live there you must, the rules are hers. Try a listing on Craig's list. You might find a roommate where you can trade labor and cooking for your share of the rent. Who knows, might be a DL out there just waiting to be found.

I just don't understand the publication of your issues to relatives and friends.

Rat

[lil'boy]

I think you should seriously consider moving out of the house. If the facts are as you describe them (which is not to say you aren't being truthful, but more that there are two sides to every story), you likely should have been removed from that home long ago.

I assume finances are an issue for you. Do you have some other family member or friend you can live with, even short term? That might be better than staying in a bad situation.

If the car is titled in your name, she should have no control over it. You are 19 and an adult (chronologically :-) ) -- no longer a minor. She shouldn't have the right to take the car away from you, unless there are exigent circumstances about which we are unaware.

It sounds like a tough situation. I hope you can find a solution. The first thing you need to establish are boundaries. If she cannot abide them while you are living in her house, it seems to me that you should find another house.

[freswith]

You don't need to go to that length to get your way. Go to a brother or sister, or to a family friend and tell them how she is abusing you, that you have had enough, that it's made your life a misery, and that you intend to leave her - for ever. Don't stint your words or threats.

If the friend/sibling is properly approached they will go to your mother and Read Her The Riot Act (sorry for the Englishism). Your mother won't listen to you, because by so doing she would diminish her authority over you. However, when she realises that her abuse is no longer a secret, that other people know, and that they judge her accordingly, she will take notice. Abuse needs secrecy to work; when you tell someone else you break the secrecy and it becomes much more difficult to abuse you because they fear the judgement of others.

It worked for me; it tamed a dangerously obsessed mother very sharply.

Good luck!

[freswith]

....And remember you will always find friends here.

[freswith]

Using the law is like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

Y

[Darkfinn]

Im not the type of person to bring up "mommy issues" on a forum, or bring them up at all, but this is way too out of hand.

Im 19, still living with her, hoping to move out next year when I wrap things up with the community college and move onto bigger, better things in Embry Riddle.

Okay, well, allow me to introduce myself. Im a ROTC sargeant, I have a 3.9...

First of all... any Sergeant knows how to spell Sergeant. No excuses, I don't want to hear that crap.

Let's move on from there... shall we.

[freswith]

First of all... any Sergeant knows how to spell Sergeant. No excuses, I don't want to hear that crap.

Let's move on from there... shall we.

Yrs, Loootentant

[Codymoogle]

First of all... any Sergeant knows how to spell Sergeant. No excuses, I don't want to hear that crap.

Let's move on from there... shall we.

It was probably just a typo...

As to the OP, I can only echo what others have said. There are groups that help with these kinds of things, if you have nowhere to turn to - and you always have people here Good luck and take care.

~ moogle

[Knuxie Fawks]

Yrs, Loootentant

"He was a Lieutelevenant in the US Air Fiveces" - Victor Borge on Inflationary Language.

[SecondLook]

I went through the same thing my my parents, my 3 brothers and sister. I moved out when I turned 16 with $30 in my pocket, never looked back. I occasionally talk to my sister, and regularly talk to my younger brother (I bought him his house.) The rest of the family, I want no part of them.

My advice, just leave. It sounds like an unhappy, possible dangerous living arrangement and things could/will escalate. If you have to put things on hold to stay with friends for a bit or whatever, do it. No use for you being unhappy, life is too much fun for that!

[sarah_ab]

i've been there, and what i came to realize was at 19 you are a legal adult. You can no longer be told or forced what to do by a parent. If you dont like living there then get out, now. go to a shelter, there are so many many shelters around, or if you are in school, go to the residence life office tell them you are in an abusive home life and can they offer you a dorm room so you can get out of hte situation. then get a restraining order.

[Opie]

Ya'll gotta remember, parent's are hard to break away from. We are taught as kids to respect our parents no matter what. On top of that, it's ingrained in us to seek affection from our parents. It takes a lot of courage to break away from abusive parents. That first step is the hardest.

Best of luck to you TapouT in your situation, whichever way you go.

[Aleia]

It sounds like your mom is the headcase, not you. You do not deserve to have her "issues" passed down to you.

Tell her that (SOMEONE needs to, anyway) but say it a bit more tactfully than I did.

[Guest TBinthehoodie]

well i told my mom about the entire infantalist thing the day after i told her even though she don't care she tried to talk me out of it (like i would go out of it NOT) but she still don't care. but what really sux is that i'm in a small town everyone is close knit and my sis has a big mouth. so i can't really be more out about it till i get my own place but getting on the topic.

no offence but i think ur mom is to the max ignorant and arrogant to do what she does to you.

[babykeiff]

TapouT,

Firstly, check your financial situation, and see if you can move out

Secondly, as freswith stated correctly, publicize your abusers actions - via family.

Thirdly, your mother seems the type of person - by your description - as one who needs you more than you need her. That is the reason she is so domineering and controlling. The answer is 'grow a pair'. If you need legal advice etc, seek it, but you are nineteen - act your age (if even for a short time) and stand up to this person. You will need to do this once in your life, so why not do it with someone / somewhere you have full knowledge and experience with.

Finally, but most importantly, you always hve freinds / advice / help here, so don't be afraid to discuss / ask for help. We are here for you.

[Summertime]

Hi TapouT,

Quite a mix of views and as a parent I can never understand the trials that some parents put their “kids

[Jilly Poo]

Summer,

I can sympathsize with you. I know my life at your age wasn't quite as bad but I had a mother who couldn't show me or tell me she loved me and I felt trapped because of the constant ridicule that I received from her. I felt crippled by her words and actions. My mother also took MY brand new car that I paid for and she drove it for two years until I finally stood up to her and took it back. Basically I told her that if she didn't like it, call the cops and report the car stolen. Since the vehicle was registered in my name, insured in my name, etc. She knew she couldn't call the police. She did however call the police and reported me as a Missing person once after she had repeatedly locked me out of the house every night while I was at my SECOND job working in a Movie theatre.

I think I like diapers for very many of the same reasons you do. They make me feel complete somehow. When my mother found my diaper stash, she too called the universe but never confronted me on it because she would have to admit she was snooping in my room.

I would love to tell you that things will get better but I am now 41 yrs old and have moved 400 miles away from my Mother and can still feel her slings and arrows from time to time. She has learned that she has to be nice to me if she wants to see her grandkids but at times I can feel her negativity running through my veins.

My suggestion for you is to be strong, Know that you are not alone. I know that doesn't mean much coming from a faceless person on the other end of a chat line but considering the number of members that a place like this has attracted, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! What your mother is doing is wrong. She is the one that needs psychiatric help but if she's as much like my mom as I believe her to be, she won't seek it.

When you can afford to, please find a place of your own even if it's renting just a room in a house with a bunch of friends. You need to surround yourself with people who know how to be happy. Check with real estate agents in your area. Sometimes they have listings for Roommates wanted as well as the local newspapers. Perhaps even look for a job as a nanny that offers a Live-in status if you can.

[TDL]

i thought that you were going to commit suicide when i saw the topic's title ...

[babytommy1981]

get out. your mother, needs help. she has a problem. sorry to say but its better for the both of you. before things get even worst. call a help hot line for abuse. they can help you. and maybe help your mom also.