Fun With Telemarketers

[collegeguy2514]

Best telemarketer response ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI

i figured it was that Tom Mabe call even before i clicked it! he's great, and has a lot of other funny stuff.

[Codymoogle]

Best telemarketer response ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI

Ahhh yes. Classic.

~ moogle

[dogpiss]

I have to add my $0.02.

Call for dance lessons: I express a lot of interest and then start asking about the size of the front door. Explain that I want to know if "my wheelchair" will fit through it.

Car warranty: Express interest. My car is a 1988 Yugo Fokov-USL or sometimes the Yugo Skrewyaselv (it takes them some time to get with my accent).

Politicians, polls, etc: Cut me a cheque and I'll say/vote however you want (I've actually had someone take me up on the offer!!! Got to love corruption.)

Phone company: Will you guarantee a secure line next time I call the Legion of Doom, Darth Vader, or The Klingon Embassy?

[AutieAB]

There's some dirty filthy debt chasing company who don't understand the concept that phone companies recycle numbers that keep calling us all the damn time. Mostly it's a recorded message but sometimes, just sometimes it's a real person. I've tried explaining to them that the person they're looking for doesn't live here and I have no idea where to find them. I've tried getting stroppy with them. I've tried hanging up on them without saying a word but they keep on calling. I figured I could send them a snooty letter insisting they stop calling under the such and such act but that would be no fun so I've taken to putting the phone down near the computer speakers and playing

down the line at them. I honestly have no idea how long they endure it before they hang up but the line's always dead when the song is over

I'm sure they'll get the message soon enough

[superdiaperbaby]

For those tired of spam calls hook your phone up to a fax machine for a couple of months. I did and get 90% less calls now. Apparently when a fax machine picks up they delist the number. Unfortunately I did not pickup legitimate calls as well so in the end I decided to use my home as a fax and my cell as my home.

SDB

[Marcus23]

Ive did nice and mean things at diff times. In fact the first person I ever told I wore diapers was a random telemarketer. Best convo I ever had with someone was from seatle. I remeber she called on a sunday and I told her it must suck working on the weekend. We talked for like 10 min about random stuff.

[leafy kille]

Ive did nice and mean things at diff times. In fact the first person I ever told I wore diapers was a random telemarketer. Best convo I ever had with someone was from seatle. I remeber she called on a sunday and I told her it must suck working on the weekend. We talked for like 10 min about random stuff.

lol yea i have talked about my nappies with telemarketers before too

[hidden]

you would be suprized what they do to my name. my last name is hungarian (origin, my last name is not the word hungarian) and they put a spanish accent on it half of the time.

another dude had a machine saying your warrenty on your car is about to expire. press 1 to continue.

i did and got someone that seemed out of it and unprofessional.

i said - what car is this call for?

he said- what car do you drive?

i said- we have a few cars. you called me. you tell me what car it is for.

*shuffling* *click*

that made my day!

[hidden]

There's some dirty filthy debt chasing company who don't understand the concept that phone companies recycle numbers that keep calling us all the damn time. Mostly it's a recorded message but sometimes, just sometimes it's a real person. I've tried explaining to them that the person they're looking for doesn't live here and I have no idea where to find them. I've tried getting stroppy with them. I've tried hanging up on them without saying a word but they keep on calling. I figured I could send them a snooty letter insisting they stop calling under the such and such act but that would be no fun so I've taken to putting the phone down near the computer speakers and playing

down the line at them. I honestly have no idea how long they endure it before they hang up but the line's always dead when the song is over

I'm sure they'll get the message soon enough

when i first got my current cell phone, i got a new number for it. the number was obviously recycled. got a few text messages from a random person that was angry that i didn't meet them. also got several phone calls from several doctors about an appointment or something. got a few other random calls too.

[Bettypooh]

I've begun getting spam calls on my cellphone and found out that you now have to list it on the "do not call" list and renew it every 2 years The worst one was a extended car warranty company whose recorded crap began "This is the second call about"......Heck, I never got their first call! If they are that bad at counting do they really think I'd trust them with my dollars? I was forever just hanging up on them till an old man I speak with sometimes told me that he'd listened to the whole recorded spiel and discovered they had a simple 'opt out' plan- just press 2 and they'd go away. I did it and it worked!!! So listen all the way through at least once and see if they have this easy way to end their calls too.

Another retiree told me of his method which I've adopted when I have the time Someone called up selling vinyl siding and their recording said their company was doing a neighbor's home right now- and would he be interested? He'd hung up on this company's calls several times already, but he decided to have some fun. The idiots didn't first check to see that this community had restrictions- NO vinyl siding allowed- so he knew it was all bogus from the start He stayed on the line till a salesman 'magically appeared' then he played like he was old, hard of hearing, quite thick-headed, and very forgetful. He had them practically yelling into the phone, repeating everything, and re-tellinbg him what they had said less than a minute ago, always playing like he was really interested but just didn't quite understand everything He kept them on the line for 20 minutes like this before declining their offer by finally asking the fool on the other end how they would fasten the vinyl to the brick walls of his home! When the fool was silent for several seconds the retiree started snickering- then laughing and the fool on the other end, realizing that he'd been scammed hung up after ten seconds of this humiliation and the outfit has never called his number since

If we all tied up their phones and their people like this for as long as we could their marketing technique would quickly prove unprofitable and all this crap would soon end. Instead of seeing these calls as wasting your time make them into fun and waste their time instead. They're used to any other response you can give them(or will be soon if they're new to the game). Don't give them what they want- sales- give them what they're really asking for- your time- and more of that than they ever wanted. Gosh, the subversion tactics I learned from my old punk rock days can still be a lot of fun sometimes!

Bettypooh

[Codymoogle]

There's some dirty filthy debt chasing company who don't understand the concept that phone companies recycle numbers that keep calling us all the damn time. Mostly it's a recorded message but sometimes, just sometimes it's a real person. I've tried explaining to them that the person they're looking for doesn't live here and I have no idea where to find them. I've tried getting stroppy with them. I've tried hanging up on them without saying a word but they keep on calling. I figured I could send them a snooty letter insisting they stop calling under the such and such act but that would be no fun so I've taken to putting the phone down near the computer speakers and playing

down the line at them. I honestly have no idea how long they endure it before they hang up but the line's always dead when the song is over

I'm sure they'll get the message soon enough

LMAO! Banana phone!

~ moogle

[Aurelius]

If they want quality marketing, they should probably be paying randomly selected people for it. Pestering people is giving them a bad reputation, anyway.

[redneck diaper boy]

I am on the do not call list but if I had some time to kill I would play with them like a fish on a line. Prior to the do not call list, I would act like I was ready to buy then change my mind. Then they would keep the pitch up and I would change my mind again. At the end I would inform the telemarketer that I had fun wasting his time like he wasted mine!

So I answered the phone earlier. It was a telemarketer, or sounded like one. The beginning of the convo went like this:

Me: Hello?

Woman: Hello?

Me (to confirm): Hello...

Woman: Hi, how are you?

Me: I'm...doing good, and you?

Woman: I'm good, thank you! Are your parents home?

Me (holding back laughter and trying to think of what to say): Umm...

Woman (going ahead while I try to think of a response): Are your parents home? Mommy and Daddy?

Me (starting to crack up now, still lost for words cause I'm finding this funny): Uhh...no...?

Woman (it finally dawns on her): OH are you...Oh I'm so sorry, you sound so young!

Then shortly after, I told her my roommate (the "man of the house") wasn't home and the call ended, then afterward I was still cracking up since that really made my day...So I had to share...

~ moogle

[Yvhuce]

I've begun getting spam calls on my cellphone and found out that you now have to list it on the "do not call" list and renew it every 2 years The worst one was a extended car warranty company whose recorded crap began "This is the second call about"......Heck, I never got their first call! If they are that bad at counting do they really think I'd trust them with my dollars? I was forever just hanging up on them till an old man I speak with sometimes told me that he'd listened to the whole recorded spiel and discovered they had a simple 'opt out' plan- just press 2 and they'd go away. I did it and it worked!!! So listen all the way through at least once and see if they have this easy way to end their calls too.

The opt-out doesn't always work. I do still get those automated messages about automotive warrantees now and then. Stupid machines... Usually the answering machine times out on them and hangs up. I've also occasionally gotten a few half-messages from machines that didn't recognize the answering machine was a machine and took too long and also got timed out.

My cellphone's got call blocking, so I can KO anyone who calls that number. I do also sometimes get odd calls asking for people I've never heard of. I usually tell them that they've got the wrong number. Though sometimes, I'll answer the cellphone as a work phone if I don't recognize the number. That seems to scare them off, too. Apparently they're not supposed to call businesses or something. If that doesn't work, telling them that the number they've dialed is for company emergencies only does.

[rusty pins]

I, too have received those calls for about a month solid about my car warrenty running out. Finally I decided to talk with someone and when they came on the line I asked them what kind of car I had, what the year was, etc. Teh guy asked me what I meant and I said, "obviously if your calling me to tell me the warrenty on my car is about to run out, you know all about me, my car, the make, model and year as well as my warrenty information, so I want you to confirm that information with me from your records!" That's when the guy hung up on me.

I also ask the caller's name, which they usually give. Then I ask for their home phone number. When the stammer and ask why, I tell them that they have my home phone number and it's only fair that I have theirs along with their address. They often hang up after that.

[AutieAB]

LMAO! Banana phone!

The trick is when they ask to speak to Mr. No Idea Who, to ask them to "please hold for a moment" and they think they're gonna get their prey on the line.

Hamster Dance and other 2000-ish internet classics are fun too but the thing about Banana-phone, is that even if they only endure it for a few seconds, that damn "Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana Phone!" will be in their head for days

[baby-tommy]

lol very nice

i always know that its one cus of the second delay at the begining so i tend to mess them about or scare them iv breathed deaply down the phone and said i see you in a scary voice they always sound so confused i also did the phone jacker thing with mike " hallo im miiike im calling from dip your balls in chochlet and tell your nan you love her it industries"

[adriansurley]

Telemarketers use to be fun to mess with but I haven't had a telemarketer call me in the longest time - I think I am on the "Do Not Call" list.

[tris]

A long time ago, when Google Phonebook was still new-tech, I used their 'remove' function. Apparently most telemarketing (and others) places use Google to datamine for leads and such. Since I had my mother's house number removed from Google listings, she has not received a single sales call since I was in 8th or 9th grade.

That move on a bored afternoon was probably the nicest thing I've ever done for people on BOTH sides of the phone, cuz my mom is a super bitch to the poor tele-people. Having worked in tele-sales once, I totally understand what it takes to be put into the position of having to work there. No one consciously chooses a career in an outbound callcentre, it is a choice made by necessity of survival.

[diapered1964]

The nicest thing you can do for any telemarketer is to give them this warning three times.

Hang up or I will blow this whistle.

Apond the third warning, count to three and blow as hard and loud as you can a police whistle into the speaker of your phone.

The teleamarketer will not be calling anyone anytime soon as they will be having a hard time hearing.

It dont take long for the call centers to make up their own do not call list.

[Three Rivers]

The nicest thing you can do for any telemarketer is to give them this warning three times.

Hang up or I will blow this whistle.

Apond the third warning, count to three and blow as hard and loud as you can a police whistle into the speaker of your phone.

The teleamarketer will not be calling anyone anytime soon as they will be having a hard time hearing.

It dont take long for the call centers to make up their own do not call list.

Very good, I'll try that sometime in the future.

[sarah_ab]

okay, just have to say, its called caller id.. if you dont know who it is, just dont answer, if its someone who needs to get ahold of you they will leave a message, if they leave a message,check it right then to see if you need to call someone back..

i never ever ever answer the phone if i dont recognize the number... most telemarketers and even a lot of bill collectors wont leave a message.

caller id.... its called caller id... and with all the people complaining about these calls, it seems like its worth the extra 5$ a month for the service

[diapered1964]

okay, just have to say, its called caller id.. if you dont know who it is, just dont answer, if its someone who needs to get ahold of you they will leave a message, if they leave a message,check it right then to see if you need to call someone back..

i never ever ever answer the phone if i dont recognize the number... most telemarketers and even a lot of bill collectors wont leave a message.

caller id.... its called caller id... and with all the people complaining about these calls, it seems like its worth the extra 5$ a month for the service

I should not have to pay an extra $5.00 a month to find out who is calling me, those who ars calling me should be calling for a valid reason and not trying to sell me something I don't need in the first place.

If I needed the product I would already have gone out and found what I was needing.

And we some times wonder why the goverment makes laws to protect us from ourselves. Go figure!

[Yvhuce]

okay, just have to say, its called caller id.. if you dont know who it is, just dont answer, if its someone who needs to get ahold of you they will leave a message, if they leave a message,check it right then to see if you need to call someone back..

i never ever ever answer the phone if i dont recognize the number... most telemarketers and even a lot of bill collectors wont leave a message.

caller id.... its called caller id... and with all the people complaining about these calls, it seems like its worth the extra 5$ a month for the service

Sorry... That cuts into my food/dogfood budget. My dogs and I live just fine without caller ID. We can't, however, live witout food. And I'm perty sure my grandparents wouldn't take kindly to me having to resort to shooting cattle to make up for that lack of food.

[Absorin]

I used to have a voicemail message starting with a SIT tone. That's that "doo-dah-deep" sound you get when a number doesn't exist or something. To not scare off friends I had a message stating: "The number you've reached, 9-1-1, has been changed... to an unpublished number." (floating around on the internet). Some people didn't get it for some reason, but most laughed. However, this tone also tells the automated dialer at a telemarketer's sweatshop that the number is not valid, and I almost never get annoying telemarketers again. Which is a pity, since I love to play with them (where do you work? How's the weather etc.). I did collect some fine specimen, some of which are posted on freesound.org (search for "telemarketer"), including an Indian callcenter (what country are you calling from?!?) that was so unbelievably rude I started yelling at the woman calling me. That one obviously hadn't gotten my SIT message yet...

T.J.