Pipsqueak

Congratulations, Vegas! There's nothing quite like the first time!

If you enjoy it, let me know and I'll pick up where I left off. THE HOUSE by Pipsqueak Her heart feels lodged in her throat and she shivers as a trickle of sweat snakes over her ribs. It’s not cold that makes her shake uncontrollably, for it’s mid-August and at least 85 degrees inside the car. She is neither sick with a fever nor suffering an attack of some debilitating nervous system disorder. It’s a house that has her insides twisted in knots. A house that’s made her breathing difficult and her palms clammy. A house that she can’t quite see yet, but she knows lies somewhere at the end of this long, sun-dappled driveway. A house sheltered beneath giant conifers and striped with late afternoon sunlight. A house surrounded by an emerald wildness and the voices of unseen creatures flitting in the long grasses. In fact, it’s more than just a house - it’s what that house represents to Alexandra Cameron that has made her feel, in turns, sick to her stomach and feverishly giddy. A dream? A nightmare? She has wrestled with that question to no avail. She knows only that she must make a choice. The car is idling just outside the rickety gate that separates the relative safety of the deserted, rural road from the unknown world that the overgrown driveway leads to. She knows it’s silly to be so terrified, after all, she’s been sharing long and rambling e-mails with the occupant of this house for more than six months now. Not just e-mails, but secret things, yearnings that have lain dormant and covered in dust since she was a little girl. Precious, closely-guarded jewels of thought that she’s never dared whisper to any living soul; things that make her heart cartwheel in the stillness of night and make her ache with longing and shame. This person knows and understands her thoughts, and yet she can’t seem to put the car back in gear, can’t quite bring herself to drive through the gate and face what lies at the end of the driveway. For a moment she considers doing a u-turn and just driving away, but a part of her knows that if she leaves now the opportunity will never come again. Years from now, she’ll wonder why she was so foolish as to pass it up; she’ll berate herself for cowardice; she’ll lie in bed at night trying to conjure images of what might have happened had she just had the courage to go down that driveway. Before she allows another anxious thought to handcuff her, her fingers fumble for the gear shift, her foot, seemingly of its own accord, lifts off the brake pedal and the car rolls through the gate. The house, when at last she finds herself in front of it, is enormous, and yet, it seems to almost melt into the forest that surrounds it. It’s beautifully crafted, pristine and strangely welcoming. Around it flowers and shrubs spill over their borders with wild abandon and lead the eye down narrow paths that disappear into the trees. Alex glances around as if looking for prying eyes and wagging tongues. There is no one hiding in the shrubbery. This house is off the beaten-path, situated on a 20-acre parcel of land, accessed by a road that gets little use except from neighbours who live too far away to see or hear anything. She wills her body to move. Tries to force all thoughts from her mind and let her body act on its own impulse. She is out of the car, stumbling up the few wide stairs that lead to the front door. She tries to shout down the shrill voice in her head - “Are you crazy? You’re don’t really know this person. You don’t know what could happen! This is a mistake!” As her fist hovers a hair’s breadth from the massive oak door, allowing one last moment of irrational panic to set in, one last moment to contemplate fleeing, the door swings open. ****************** She is attractive, curvaceous, somewhere in her middle years, but that is not what first strikes Alex. It’s her presence that is unmistakable. It’s how she stands - cat-like, relaxed, powerful. Her smile is warm and gentle, but there is a no-nonsense set to her jaw. This is a woman, Alex knows, that would never go unnoticed at a party. Her mere entrance would cause people, otherwise preoccupied, to turn in her direction, and wonder to themselves, what had compelled them to do so. She seems alluring and dangerous, and yet exudes warmth and gentleness. “Well there you are! I was beginning to worry ...” Her voice is liquid honey. Alex opens her mouth to respond, to apologize for her tardiness, but rational thought has fled into the surrounding forest and all she can do is choke out a tiny breathless gasp. She stares dumbstruck at this woman who has been her friend and confidant for months, and is yet a complete and total stranger. Katherine. The name bubbles up into her consciousness. Her name is Katherine ... but that’s not what she likes Alex to call her. “Come in. There’s nothing to be frightened of.” Katherine steps back, ushering Alex into the foyer, the movement like a silk scarf caught on a breeze. Alex steps blindly over the threshold. Her field of vision has become a narrow tunnel that blocks out everything but the face of the woman in front of her. She still has not completely fathomed the fact that she’s actually there. She allows herself to be led through the house, barely registering the comfortable elegance and obvious wealth in the hallways and rooms she passes. She hears the benign and comforting chatter of her hostess sympathizing with her about the oppressive heat and how tired she must be, but it swirls in her head like mist, and is gone. She can’t formulate thoughts at the moment, she can only follow where she’s led. Alex finds herself at the back of the house, seated at the kitchen table. She has been staring out the window at the diamond-twinkle of the ocean, letting herself be hypnotized by its rolling swells and the quiet shush she can hear through the open door. Her trance is broken abruptly when a hand brushes her sleeve and a sweating glass of iced tea is placed on the table in front of her. The light scent of lavender and honeysuckle wafts over to her as Katherine takes a seat at the table. “I’m so pleased you’ve come, Alexandra! You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” “No, of course not.” She has been breathing so shallowly that her voice sounds like it hasn’t been used in years. “I mean ... I don’t think so. I’m just a little shell-shocked, flustered ...” she dips her head, embarrassed, “ ... a little nervous, maybe. I’ve never – ” She breaks off searching for the right words. “ – it’s all new to me...” Katherine nods. It’s clear in her eyes that she understands what Alex is saying, what she’s feeling. Alex averts her gaze. This is all moving too fast. “You don’t need to worry. Everything will be fine. I’ve had lots of experience ... just not with the right one yet, as I believe I mentioned in one of my letters. You’ll be perfectly safe. I give you my word.” Alex nods. She finds it ironic that when she is where she’s always dreamed of being, that she has virtually nothing to say. No coherent thoughts. It’s like her brain has been wiped clean, the wires that connect thoughts with words, snipped and left dangling. “I think it’s time. The longer we wait, the more anxious you’ll get. Once things are as they need to be, you’ll feel better, more relaxed. What do you say?” Alex’s words scrape from her throat like rusted metal. “I - I guess so.” Katherine hesitates a moment, eying Alexandra, as if trying to read her thoughts. “We are clear on this now, aren’t we? A month. No exceptions unless one of us is taken ill unexpectedly. Once we start there’s no going back. No second thoughts. No, ‘I’ve had enough, let’s call it a day’. If we go ahead with this, we must agree that henceforth I’ll assume all responsibility for your care and you, in turn, will accept that what I do is for your well-being and is not negotiable. One month ... Agreed?” Alexandra experiences a last flutter of panic in her chest, but finds herself nodding agreement. She has teetered at the edge of the cliff and stepped out into space. She can only trust that she’s made the right decision. With that, Katherine rises from her chair, motioning for Alex to come. Alex thrusts herself to her feet, tipping her chair in the process. As she catches it awkwardly she chastises herself for being a fool, allowing herself to be rendered monosyllabic and clumsy, completely at odds with the persona she has always shown to the world outside. When she turns to Katherine, she finds her watching with a hint of amusement. “I think the first order of business is to get you out of those silly, big-girl clothes.” She “tut-tuts” with an indulgent smile as she looks over Alex’s neatly pressed blouse and form-fitting blue jeans. Those words almost kick Alex’s legs out from beneath her. She needs all her strength not to let them buckle, not to let the burst of ice-water adrenalin that has just spurted from her heart make her faint on the spot. Alex doesn’t need to answer, not that she could find the words to agree or protest in any event. It wasn’t really a question or even an option. This woman is matter-of-fact. She sets about her task with deft fingers, quickly slipping Alex’s shoes off, unbuttoning her blouse, unzipping her trousers. In mere moments Alex finds herself naked in front of a woman who she has only just met. She senses the heat rushing to her face and she awkwardly tries to cover herself with her hands. A startling thought occurs to her - somewhere between the drive to the house and being undressed by a stranger, she has given over authority to this woman. Her mere presence has made Alex feel small, and awkward, and young - even though Katherine is probably only a decade her senior and merely an inch or two taller. Katherine reaches for Alex’s hands and gently pulls them away from her body. Alex trembles beneath her gaze. There is nothing predatory in Katherine’s look, just kindness. Alex notices her smile as her gaze stops half way down. “Ah ... you are a little girl, aren’t you?” Alex flushes crimson. She’s angry with herself for being embarrassed. She knows this is what Katherine wants to see - hoped to see, in fact. She shaved down there on purpose. At times she wondered why she hadn’t done it years ago. It was so smooth, so sensitive to the lightest touch. It felt right to her. It looked right to her. But for the moment, it makes her feel ashamed, childish, so much so that she can’t bring herself to look at the woman in front of her. It embarrasses her even more that this exchange has caused a throbbing ache between her legs. Katherine lets go one of her hands. A few soft fingers brush Alex’s cheek. “Come my little one ...”

Yes. Waxing only temporarily removes the hair. Pubic hair is persistant stuff!

Pregnancy and childbirth can put a lot of stress on a woman's body. Muscles of the pelvic floor suffer the most usually and sometimes incontinence can result. Your girlfriend's sister may have had trouble with this during her pregnancy ( some pregnant women get stress incontinence - ie. some leakage when they cough or laugh) or noticed it right after childbirth. Or it could also be bleeding as Curious mentioned.

Anyone squishes a puppy around here and I'll run them down with my baby-walker!

I think the whole point of the company was to provide a diaper for the adult baby market because all the diapers that were out there were designed for incontinence and purposely made to look the least like a baby diaper as possible. They are filling a niche market. Other than a few brave and open-minded incontinent people, like the ones who frequent this board, I can't see many incontinent people flocking to an ab/dl diaper site when they already have so many brands to choose from. And DL's already have lots of diapers to choose from since they're not interested in their diapers looking babyish.

Now that's better! Thanks, bayb!

Well said, diapermommie!

ACHOO! I'm allergic to cats! Get those kitties outta here and bring in some puppies!

Neither do I. Nor do I intend to every have one. And no, I didn't miss your point tris. I was responding to pctrasher's comment, which I quoted above my reply.

BDSM = Bondage Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism

You might want to check out shadow's thread "Help Defend Me" in the Links and Announcements section. He found out the hard way.

A belated welcome, DiaperKitty! Be assured that you're quite normal -- on this board, anyway. As far as telling people, I wouldn't reccomend that unless that person is someone you're in a relationship with. Hope you'll feel comfortable enough to join in the conversations.

I think that's true for those of us who find ab play both sexual and/or nurturing. I have read accounts by some AB's though, who when they are in that role, become very upset or even traumatized by any sexual content. Whether these certain people suffered sexual abuse as children and the only time they were safe from that was infancy, I don't know. There could be any number of reasons, I suppose and the accounts I've read might not be indicative of the vast majority who feel that way. What I do know from reading what they've said, is that a sexual component added to the play would totally destroy it for them. Perhaps some of our no-sex-please! ab's will jump in here with some more insight.

If I understand what you're asking, correctly, I believe that would be a very complicated scenario. Not out of the question necessarily, but extremely complicated. A lot of it would have to do with setting boundaries beforehand, but whether those boundaries could be agreed upon is another thing entirely. Being someone who finds it both sexual and non-sexual, it's much more of a gray area for me and there are probably times I could be swayed in one direction or another depending on which way my play partner was leaning. Although some times when it's completely non-sexual and I just want to feel little and safe I would probably be annoyed if my partner wanted more than that, when they knew what "head-space" I was in at the moment. If the people involved are at opposite ends of the pole - sexual and non-sexual - it would really be much harder to make it work for both. They would both have to be open enough to say "this time we do it your way and next time we do it mine". Perhaps it requires altering your mindset when in your usual role. I'm not sure. As for women associating with the non-sexual roleplay , that is true for some but definitely not true for all. There are a number of women here on the board who like both. There are also lots of men here who aren't turned on sexually by diapers or roleplay in the slightest.

If you think that way, then those are the only women you are likely to attract. Your attitude towards women is offensive. You're essentially labeling half the world's population as lustful, lying, greedy whores based on your experience with women on internet dating services. Try making friends with the real flesh and blood women that you work with, or are in your community. You might have better luck. But if you don't stop thinking of women in those terms, those nice girls will not be interested in you.

Tris, get over yourself. Phil is obviously in tremendous psychological pain and posting something like "off yourself because you're a drain on society" is incredibly thoughtless and cruel.

Good thing I glanced at the birthday list today or I would have missed the whole party! Hope it's been a great birthday, Phantom! And hope you received some more of those 'seldom seen' diapers you love!

Phil, this board is great for talking about diapers and diaper wearing but we are not medical professionals and even if there are medical professionals on the board, they would know better than to make diagnoses or suggest treatments without seeing you in person. Please look for a psychiatrist that you feel comfortable talking to. Your life is worth the cost, believe me. As for the advice offered so far, please do NOT self-medicate with marijuana or any other drug. Those drugs can be extremely dangerous to someone suffering from depression. And finding a girl to hang off your arm is not going to cure depression. You cannot maintain a relationship when you are seriously ill with depression. As Jenniebear pointed out, you need to learn to love yourself and accept yourself first. YOU need to be your main priority right now -- not a relationship. Right now you can only see your flaws, but that's just the "blinders" depression puts on you. And please, if you feel suicidal thoughts coming on, go directly to the hospital emergency ward. Recovering from a serious depression is not an easy thing but at least give yourself the best shot at it by seeing a qualified therapist. If you feel the diaper-wearing is an important part of your problem then mention it to the doctor. They're not mind-readers, so you must tell them what's on your mind and if they seem to dismiss it, bring it up again. And if the doctor isn't working out for you, find another one. Your health is important enough to shop around for the best one. Best of luck to you.

Boy, you must have been a really bad girl, Jenniebear! Keep up the good work!

Was caught sending cookies laced with Ex-Lax to the ruling party's Chief Whip.

It's definitely a lovely mix of the two for me. There's something about the embarrassment of being hauled over someone's lap and having your bare bottom paddled that is ... ahem ... invigorating. But it would never work to curb any real adult unwanted behaviours in me since I consider it part of "baby play". I would not tolerate it as part of my grown-up life.

You're absolutely correct, Dolly! While on the surface it appears to be a power exchange in favour of mommy or daddy having complete power over the "baby", in actuality it's a much, much "messier" situation than that and baby is no slouch in the power department! I think the first three gentlemen offered some excellent advice, Pupsmummy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VALENTINE!

Perhaps we should all agree to just not feed the troll. Eventually they get so hungry for flame-broiled posts that they must go elsewhere to satisfy their cravings. It's difficult to do but responding to these posts only makes all of us angry and doesn't appear to change the hate-filled thought patterns of others. I suggest we let this thread die.