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Thanks for being patient, everyone.   We found out what type of cancer my mother had without going into a long story.  It wasn't the worst one, but it was also not the best one either. Chapter 30 - Omelets and Coffee Darlene sat at her kitchen table, tired from a long night. Her laptop was open in front of her, and a half-filled coffee mug was steaming beside it. She glanced at the clock, wondering when Avery might wake up. Her stomach churned at the missing work which she did not like doing, knowing that her absence would cause a disruption in their workflow. With a sigh, she opened her work email and quickly typed out a message to her team, informing them that she would not be able to come into the office today. Darlene then wrote separate messages to Byran, Avery’s boss, stating that Avery was sick and needed to rest at her house. She knew that Bryan would question why she was taking care of one of his employees, but she couldn't think of a way to explain it without it sounding odd. As she hit send, she closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, hoping that her team would understand and that Bryan wouldn't press the issue. Just as she was about to take a sip of her coffee, the doorbell rang, causing her to jump in surprise as she almost fell asleep in the chair. Darlene knew it was her sister Laurisa, whom she had called over to help her with Avery late at night.  She had pleaded with her on the phone last night, trying to explain everything through her tears. Laurisa had been adamant that this was a mistake, but Darlene stood her ground. She would not take Avery to a hospital, no matter what anyone said. Their bond as sisters was unbreakable, even when they disagreed. They always showed up for each other in times of need. And now, here was Laurisa, standing by her side in the dimly lit living room. The first rays of sunlight were just starting to peek through the windows, casting an ethereal glow on the two women. Darlene looked exhausted and worn down, wearing silk pajamas in a soft blue color with a subtle floral pattern. The robe was slightly wrinkled, and the tie hung loosely, showing signs of a restless night. Her house slippers are worn and comfortable, well-loved from years of use. They have a plush lining, which seemed to hug her feet as she shuffled against the hardwood floor and held onto a half-full mug of hot coffee. When Darelene opened the door, Laurisa stood there in black slacks, on the other hand were tailored to fit her perfectly, accentuating her long legs. The light blue blouse was crisp and professional, tucked in neatly at the waist. Her hair was sleek and shiny, pulled back into a tight bun that showed off her sharp jawline and delicate features. Despite the early hour, she wore stylish black heels that added height to her already tall frame, making her almost as tall as Darlene.  In short, we were dressed for a day at the office. "Goodness, Darlene," Laurisa exclaimed in concern. "You look like you haven't slept at all. Have you?" Her voice was gentle yet firm, showing how much she cared for her sister's well-being “No, I didn't get much sleep. It was a long night, but I really appreciate you coming here.”  Darlene stepped aside to let Laurisa in.  “I know it isn’t convenient for you to stop by this morning, but I really appreciate it.  I am at a loss for what to do for him.”  Laurisa picked up the guinea concern that Darlene seemed to have for Avery.  Laurisa's true intentions for being there went beyond simply helping with Avery. She was also there to carefully observe her sister and her mind was filled with concern for what she might be getting into. After receiving a panicked phone call last night, Laurisa knew that convincing her sister to back out of this decision would not come easily, if at all.  “Well, I am always going to be here for you, sis.” As the two sisters embraced, Darlene could feel the warmth of her sister's body against hers, offering comfort and reassurance. Her sister's touch was gentle yet firm, solidifying their bond and reminding Darlene that she was not alone in this overwhelming situation. With one hand, Darlene held onto her sister's back, feeling the strength and support from the embrace. In her other hand, she held onto her coffee cup, the warm liquid providing a sense of familiarity and grounding amidst the chaos in her life. The embrace was everything Darlene needed right now. “I really need that,” Darlene let out a long sigh as they embraced as only two sisters could. As they pulled away from the hug, Darlene felt relief and gratitude for her sister's presence and support. Darlene slowly closed the heavy oak door. As they entered the living room, sunlight streamed through the large windows, casting warm hues on the plush furniture and decor. "So, where is Avery at this moment?" Laurisa inquired, her curious eyes scanning the elegant surroundings, not seeing any signs of his presence. Darlene's voice was soft and tired as she leaned against the back of the sofa, her eyes heavy with worry. "He's in the guest bedroom, finally asleep," she whispered. "But he keeps waking up screaming like he's trapped in a nightmare. I've had to go in and calm him down every couple of hours. It's like he doesn't even recognize me, but at least I'm able to soothe him back to sleep." She rubbed her injured shoulder absentmindedly, the ache serving as a cruel reminder of how broken he had been before she brought him home. “Can I see?” Laurisa asked. "Yes, it might be helpful if you went up and took a look," Darlene said, leading Laurisa quietly up the stairs and into her guest bedroom. She left the door slightly ajar, and at first glance, Avery wasn't visible on the bed; in fact, the sheets and comforter were torn off of it completely. As Laurisa quietly opened the door and approached the side of the bed, she was surprised by what she saw: a nineteen-year-old young man sound asleep, curled up against the wall with a large stuffed red dog clutched tightly in his arms. His head rested on a pillow on the floor, indicating he had fallen asleep there rather than in the bed. The bedspread and sheets covered him haphazardly. One side of his body was covered by the bunched-up sheet and bedspread, with his white diaper peeking out from underneath, adding to the young man’s vulnerability. “I tried to get him back up on the bed a couple of times, but he kept going back there.  I just gave up.  He likes being between the bed and wall, so I just let him sleep there now.” Darlene whispered quietly to Laurisa to make sure he didn’t wake up. Laruisa's heart raced in her chest, her mind actively absorbing the sight. She was no stranger to incomprehensible and unsettling cases, having dealt with countless individuals referred to her for psychological evaluation and treatment often by the court system. But this...this was beyond anything she could have imagined. A grown man, stripped down to his barest vulnerability, cowering in a corner with only a t-shirt and diaper to cover his shame. He clutched onto the stuffed animal with desperate, tight fingers as if it were the only thing keeping him tethered to reality. Laruisa could sense the weight of trauma, which must be on Avery's shoulders, weighing him down consciously or subconsciously. Her mind raced as she tried to piece together the puzzle of what could have caused such deep wounds in a grown man's psyche. Was it something from his past? Some early life trauma that left him scarred and seeking refuge in a small, enclosed space? She knew it wouldn't be easy to break these answers, but she was determined for both Avery's and Darlene’s sake. Yet her thoughts kept circling back to one question—why would a grown man seek solace in a stuffed animal rather than human contact during times of distress? As Laruisa continued her assessment, Darlene remained silent, watching with her eyes as the scene unfolded before her sister. Finally, Laruisa took Darlene's hand and led her out of the guest bedroom, closing the door slowly behind them as they retreated into silence. The weight of the situation hung heavy in the air as they both knew that understanding and helping Avery would not be an easy task. Darlene's hand was trembling as she clutched onto Laurisa's, her heart racing with a mixture of fear and desperation, afraid of what her sister might say. Her mind was reeling with the events of the previous night, unable to shake off the memory of Avery's breakdown. Then the call with her sister, who repeatedly insisted on taking him to a mental hospital. "I can't do that," she pleaded, her voice cracking with emotion. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she continued, "After last night, I can't just send him away to a hospital. It would only confirm everything he was screaming about - that everyone hates him, everyone abandons him. Can't you imagine the feeling he would have? Please, please help me. I beg you." Laurisa guided Darlene back to the living room, their footsteps echoing in the silence. They both sank onto the worn yet comfortable sofa, exhaustion and distress weighing heavily on Darlene's frame. “What do you know about Avery and maybe his past?” Laurisa asked as Darlene sat there. She began to reflect on what little she knew about Avery. "Honestly, not much," she admitted with a heavy sigh. "He is 19 years old and incredibly intelligent. He's working on his Master's degree while also holding down a full-time job. And despite graduating high school at just 16, he has already accomplished things that others have failed at for years at DNA Pharmica." She paused, trying to recall any valuable information she had learned about Avery since they started dating. "But he scares and stresses easily," she continued slowly. "And when he does, he can't control his bladder. Sometimes, he seems sweet, and other times, he is distant and closed off. There are moments where he looks so innocent and vulnerable that it breaks my heart." Realizing how little she truly knew about Avery's past or inner thoughts, Darlene couldn't help but feel guilty for not fully understanding him. "I know nothing about his past," she confessed quietly. "He doesn't talk about it." She shifted uncomfortably, admitting to Laurisa, "He's also extremely sensitive about having to wear pull-ups or diapers at work. He's socially awkward, and his apartment was a complete mess when I arrived last night." As she spoke, Darlene began to realize just how complex and multilayered Avery indeed was. But despite all the unknowns and secrets he held, she couldn't deny her concern for him something she herself didn’t understand. "But until last night," she concluded, "I never would have thought he could explode like that. It was so bizarre and scary. He wasn’t in control of himself.” There was a long pause as Laurisa churned all this overhead.  “Ok, so I got to ask. If you know so little about this. Why do you care so much that you won’t let him go and take him somewhere he can get help?” The question was hard for Darlene to answer.  There was silence. Laurisa spoke up since Darlene was going to answer. “OK, sis, let me make my brutal observation about you.  You need to hear this.” “Hormone patterns change during pregnancy. The changes affect the tissue near the brain's surface, which contains neuron cell bodies, decreasing certain areas of the brain of women who have recently given birth. These changes can last up to two years after birth or longer if they continue to breastfeed. In short, your body and mind deeply desire to take care of someone who can’t take care of themselves. That is what Avery is to you, and I am concerned about this. You are very vulnerable to this. You can and will get hurt. Avery is not your child.” Darlene listened to this.  Even though what her sister said made some sense, she didn’t believe that was what was going on. “I don’t think this is all because of my hormones.  It honestly has nothing to do with that.” “Then what does it have to do with?”  Laurisa gave Darelene a serious stare at her sister. Darlene thought about it. “I am not sure, but if we take him to the hospital, then all we are doing is confirming his fear that we are leaving him and abandoning him.  I can’t do that”   Laurisa's eyes flashed with anger as she spoke. "Come on, Darlene, he's lying there in a diaper, cuddling a stuffed toy. Doesn't that scream for help?" Darlene pleaded with her sister, her voice desperate. "Yes, but not the kind of help a hospital can offer. I want to give him the help he really needs." Frustration seethed out of Laurisa. "You knew about his diapers, didn't you? Have you ever changed them before?" There was a pause and a tinge of embarrassment in Darlene's voice. "Yes, I have," she admitted. Laurisa cut her off sharply. "And when you change his diaper, do you see him as a man or a child? Be honest. And do you find it disgusting, or do you feel some strange need fulfilled by taking care of him like this?" Dead eyes stared back at Darlene from her sister. A long moment passed before Darlene answered reluctantly, "I don't know. I see him as someone who can't take care of himself and who needs me to help him. I don't see him as an equal in that way, but I don't find changing his diaper gross. I find it..." She struggled for the right words. "A tender moment...that he trusts me to do this for him..." Another long pause followed as Darlene tried to put her feelings into words. "I don't know how to describe it...you're screwing with my head," she finally said, looking frustrated and vulnerable. Laurisa's tone turned harsh as she spoke. "I'm trying to make you see why this is a bad idea. You're treating him like your own baby when he isn't." "I don't care what you think," Darlene shot back defiantly. "I won't let him go to a hospital. Help me with him, please." This time, Laurisa paused before responding. "I told you I would help. But we need to face the reality of his situation. You have no idea about his past or what he's been through. We need to find out more if we want to truly help him." Darlene's shoulders visibly relaxed, her expression melting into one of gratitude. "Thank you," she whispered, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I'll call work and let them know I'll be in a bit later, around 2 pm. Hopefully, Avery will be awake by then and we can have a private conversation. But he has to agree to it, I won't force him." Laurisa’s voice was determined and resolute. "Let me wake him up and explain so he might be more receptive. Thank you again for offering this." Darlene's words were rushed, filled with hope and relief. "Can I offer you some breakfast and coffee?" she asked, gesturing towards the kitchen. "I could use both, thanks. I haven't eaten yet," replied Laurisa with a smile. She followed Darlene into the kitchen, taking in the luxurious furnishings and decorations. The mahogany table caught her eye, its surface adorned with intricate symbols. There was the rich, warm scent of freshly brewed coffee. Darlene quickly poured a fresh cup of coffee for Laurisa before starting to cook. She cracked a few eggs and added olives, tomatoes, and ham. Darlene skillfully cooked the eggs, creating a mouth-watering aroma that filled the kitchen. There was one thing Darlene was good at, and that was cooking. She brought over two plate for both of then and sat down as Darlene shared more details about last night at the apartment as they ate - the fighting, screaming, and even the bite on her shoulder. She pulled aside her silk pajama top to reveal the bruise already forming around the scab where Avery had broken skin. Laurisa shook her head in disbelief, wanting to point out that this was evidence of why she couldn't help him anymore. But seeing Darlene's pain and vulnerability, she remained silent. "Does it still hurt?" she asked instead. Darlene winced as she rotated her shoulder experimentally. "Yes, it does when I move it too much. I haven't tried lifting anything heavy yet." "Well, he certainly has a strong bite," mused Laurisa, trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe we should nickname him Jaws." Darlene attempted a small laugh, but the look on Laurisa's face made her realize it wasn't appropriate. They were dealing with a serious situation. Laurisa continued to eat her breakfast in silence for a while, her mind racing with thoughts and concerns about Avery's actions. She knew she had to do something to help him, but she wasn't sure what. “I forgot. I have his medication from his apartment if you are curious about what he is taking,” Darlene said, a hint of concern in her voice. Laurisa's brow furrowed as she processed the information. “Of course, I am curious. Please let me see them.” She followed Darleen back to the counter, where an old plastic shopping bag filled with pill bottles was waiting. They both sat back down at the table when Darleen handed them to Laurisa as she placed a cup of coffee by her egg omelet plate. Laurisa picked up her coffee and took a sip before reaching into the bag to pull out the medications. She carefully examined each bottle, reading the name and dosage on each label—Zoloft for typical depression, Lorazepam for anxiety, Valium for anxiety attacks, and Ambien for sleep. Darlene watched her sister intently as she studied each bottle, her own worries growing with each passing second. “Do you know that he is taking the maximum dosage for each of these drugs?” Laurisa finally spoke up, pointing to the Valium bottle. Laurisa's eyes widened in surprise as she looked at the label. “Dr. Race is his psychologist,” she recalled, recognizing the name on the bottle. “I know him. He is well-respected, but we differ in technique. I often feel like he overdoses.” Laurisa continued as she placed the medication bottle down on the table. “You know I am against using prescription medication unless none of my natural remedies work.” “Yes, I know you prefer a more natural approach to medication,” Darlene acknowledged. Laurisa took a deep breath and made a mental note to discuss this with her more later. “After I talk to him, we will discuss what natural remedies or medications I want him to take,” she decided, setting aside the bottles for now. “So let's leave it at that for right now.” Darlene and Laurisa were about halfway through breakfast, enjoying some small talk. Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream pierced through the house, causing Laurisa to jump in her seat and spill her coffee across the table. “Don’t worry about it.” Darlene quickly pushed her chair out and ran upstairs.  Darlene ran upstairs and towards the source of the scream in the guest room, just as she had several times that night, but this time with Laurisa close behind. As they burst into the guest bedroom, they found Avery curled up against the wall and nightstand, his body shaking uncontrollably. His eyes were wide with fear as he screamed, "Get away from me! I hate you. Don't hurt me!" Darlene approached him slowly, trying to soothe him with gentle words. But as she reached out to touch him, he flinched away and pulled the sheets over his head. Still screaming for someone or something to get away from him. “Shh.. shh... It is me, Darlene.”  she again tried to reach for Avery as he jerked away harder, putting himself more into the corner of the wall and nightstand. Laurasia stopped at the door to watch and observe. She wasn’t going to step in unless there was a danger to Darlene. But then Darlene did something that shocked Laurasia. She sat down next to Avery and pulled him into a tight embrace, whispering comforting words in his ear: “Shh... Shh.. I am here. I am not leaving... They won’t hurt you.”  She tried her best to rock him. For the first few seconds, Avery fought her, but then, after a few moments, Avery's sobs turned into quiet whimpering as he finally calmed down. Slowly, Darlene uncovered his head and continued to hold him while rubbing his back and doing her best to rock him, repeating the words, “Shh... Shh.. It is okay.”  Laurasia was blown back watching this.  She did seem to calm him down.  She wasn’t sure if Avery really knew who she was. She could see the desperation in Darlene's eyes as she silently pleaded for help for Avery.  She walked closer to Darlene, Avery’s eyes still shut tight. Taking a deep breath, Laurasia spoke softly. "Don't let him fall back asleep," she said. "Gently wake him up." Darlene nodded in understanding and kept holding onto Avery tightly as she repeated her soothing words. Gradually, Avery's cries died down, and he began to stir awake. For a moment, he seemed disoriented and confused until his eyes met Darlene's face. "I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely, realizing who was holding him. "I didn't mean to scream like that." Darlene's eyes filled with tears as she hugged him even tighter. "It's okay, Avery," she said softly. "You're safe now." For the first time, he realized Darlene had him.  He wasn’t dreaming of someone holding him in a loving way.  He felt it.  “I am I am sorry. I didn’t mean to scream like that” “It is ok, I know you had a nightmare again. “   As Darlene gently lifted Avery into a sitting position, "Shall we head downstairs for some breakfast?" she proposed, her voice carrying the softness of morning light. He gave a silent nod of agreement to her suggestion. “Ok, I can cook you a warm nice breakfast” He nodded again as she assisted him in standing up, the bed covers pooling at his feet and revealing his damp diaper. Darlene’s hand swept across the front of his diaper, feeling the warm wetness of the soaked diaper, an action that sent a wave of embarrassment coursing through Avery. "It seems you've thoroughly soaked this one," Darlene observed with an empathetic tone. She held up a fresh diaper she which she pulled of a near by dresser adding, "Let's get you changed before we head down." Laurasia slipped out discreetly before Avery could notice her presence. She didn’t want to add to his discomfort or inadvertently trigger any emotional outbursts. It was indeed a sensitive situation that called for delicate handling. "Could you climb onto the bed for me? It makes it easier for me to change you," Darlene requested softly. Despite his confusion and lingering drowsiness, Avery managed to hoist himself onto the bed with Darlene's assistance. Once he was seated on the mattress, he scooted back slightly in just his t-shirt and wet diaper. As he watched Darlene unfold and prepare the last disposable diaper she had on hand, he asked hesitantly, "Is this really necessary?" Darlene turned back towards him, holding the fresh diaper in her hands. “Do you remember our conversation from last night?” she asked gently but firmly. Avery remained silent, reluctant to answer as memories from the previous night began to surface like hazy apparitions - fragments of how he'd behaved and interacted with Darlene. Her words implying that he wasn't capable of making sound decisions stung deep in his heart, causing tears to well up in his eyes. “Please lie back,” Darlene coaxed with a gentle smile, laying out the clean diaper beside him on the bed. Avery complied, his body sinking back onto the soft mattress as Darlene began to undo the fastenings of his wet diaper. Darlene’s mind flashed back to her sister's question as she started changing him. “What do you see when you look at him? What feelings stir within you?” She looked down at Avery, who was avoiding eye contact, and realized that she didn't see a grown man before her but a lost child in need of care and protection. She shook off her reverie and focused on the task at hand. Gently, she guided Avery's thighs upward while he lifted his hips just enough for her to slide out the wet diaper from under him. Swiftly, she rolled it into a tight ball and secured it with its own adhesive tape before setting it aside. “I apologize for not having my cleaning supplies handy," Darlene murmured apologetically as she positioned the new diaper under Avery. "I'll make sure to get more diapers and supplies later today.” With practiced ease, she pulled up the front of the diaper over his waist, securing each side with firm but gentle pulls on the adhesive tapes. Her fingers traced along the edges of the diaper, ensuring it was snugly fit to prevent any leaks. “There we go, all done," Darlene declared with a comforting smile as she helped. Avery sat up again. His expression held an amalgamation of confusion and vulnerability that tugged at her heartstrings even more than before, last night really had shaken him up. “How about we go downstairs and have breakfast? I make a wonderful egg omelet.”   Avery's voice shook as he asked, "C-Can I have my shorts back?" Darlene's eyes narrowed at him, and she looked at him with a look of concern mixed with frustration. He must not remember what happened last night. In one of his several nightmares, Avery had wet his diaper so thoroughly that it leaked onto his shorts and the bed. Darlene had to change everything and clean up the mess. As much as she wanted to give him his clothes back, they were currently in the washer. "You're just going to have to wear the T-shirt and diaper. You had a really back leak last night" Darlene said gently, trying to ease his discomfort. But she could see the shock and embarrassment on Avery's face at the thought of walking around in nothing but a T-shirt and a diaper. "It's okay, I don't mind," Darlene reassured him, even though deep down she knew it was far from ideal. "Let's go downstairs." Avery nodded slowly but then Darlene remembered something else that would made his heart sink even further. "Oh yeah, my sister Laurasia is here. I asked her to come by and talk to us." Avery froze at the thought of facing her sister, dressed only in a T-shirt and a diaper. "I-I can't do this," he stuttered out. Darlene tried to calm him down, reminding him that Laurasia was a psychologist who had seen many things and would understand their situation. But Avery couldn't shake off the overwhelming sense of vulnerability and shame he felt if he was to be seen like this. "I can't," he started to cry and pout like a child. "Don't you have anything else I can wear? Anything?" Darlene could sense some defiance creeping into Avery's tone. She took a deep breath before speaking sternly, "Look at me, Avery. Right now, I am making the decisions for both of us." The words came out harsher than she intended, and she immediately regretted them. But it was too late to take them back. Avery's shoulders slumped, feeling small and powerless under Darlene's authority. She was right; she was the adult in this situation and would make the decisions. Darlene took his hand in hers and tried to comfort him while leading him downstairs for breakfast. "It will be okay," she repeated softly, hoping her words would soothe his nerves. Laurasia was sitting at the kitchen table, still sipping her cup of coffee, when she turned around. She was shocked at what she saw. The young man's bare legs peeked out from under his T-shirt cover just below his waist, revealing a plain white diaper. His T-shirt was loose, emphasizing his slender frame. His face was flushed with embarrassment, and his hair was messy. He looked uncomfortable and out of place in just a T-shirt and diaper, giving him the appearance of an oversized toddler. Laurasia also noticed Darlene holding her hand and paying attention as Avery’s hand gripped tightly to her hand, as only a nervous, shy, or scared child would do. She continued to watch Darlene's face and body movements as both of them walked in. “Doesn’t the kitchen smell good? I already made an egg omelet for Laurasia and myself.” Darlene tried to take his mind off of the situation “Why don’t you sit down here by my sister?” Darlene pulled out the chair and coached into it.  “Would you like me to fix you a cup of orange juice or coffee with your breakfast?” There was silence for a few seconds. “It's okay, Avery. We are family here. No one is going to make fun of you.” Avery finally slowly sat down, he could feel the disposable diaper bunch up between his legs. The diaper's crinkle was audible as he sat down on the wooden chair, a sound reminiscent of plastic or paper being scrunched up. It made him self-conscious and aware that he was wearing a diaper like a child. “Orange juice,” Avery said, and he wasn’t sure why he said that. He quickly wanted to change to coffee but didn’t want to make a big deal about it, so he kept his mouth shut. “Orange juice it is.”  Darlene turned around to pour a glass for him. "One nice tall glass of Orange juice it is.” Darlene's voice floated back to him.  Darlene was clueless that an undercurrent of maternal warmth was lacing her words as she busied herself with breakfast preparations. From Laurisa’s point of view, Darlene played the caretaker role very well and naturally. “Good morning, Avery.”  Laurasia pauses to see Avery staring blankly away.  “You know, Darlene has told me a lot of good things about you.  How you are making amazing progress at some calculations on cancer cells or drugs.” He didn’t really want to talk because he felt so insecure about wearing the diaper around Darlene’s sister. “You should be proud of yourself. From what I understand, some of your coworkers have been there for years and haven’t been able to progress. I think that shows how intelligent and valuable you are.” “I guess” Avery looked up a little but didn’t say much. “Can you tell me what you’re working on now? I am quite curious.” The smell of the egg omelet filled the air as Darlene continue to cook behind the two of them. Avery hesitated but then started to tell her about how he was looking into trying to calculate the effect of external pressure on a cell wall for both a normal cancer cell and a cancerous cell. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. Darlene had finished the egg omelet but let Avery continue to talk for a little bit before sliding the plate in front of him with a fork and knife. Avery looked down at the meal. This was better than cereal, yogurt, or instant oatmeal, which he always had. The smell itself made his taste buds water. He stopped mid-sentence, cut into the egg omelet, and began to eat it. As he ate, Darlene sat down on his other side. “Looks like someone is hungry.” She smiled as he took a second and third bite without looking at either of them. Laurasia gave Darlene a nod, and somehow, Darlene knew this was a cue to tell Avery why she was there. Darlene took a second sip of her coffee. “Avery, I was really worried about you last night. You scared me. I never experienced something like that with anyone.” Avery stops chewing mid-way through his late bite of the egg omelet. “Don’t stop eating. Just listen while I talk. This isn’t a bad thing.” Darlene paused. “I could have left, but I didn’t. I won’t leave you. In fact, I would like you to stay with me for a while to figure things out.” Darlene wanted to grab his hand, but she didn’t because he was eating. She looked at her sister, and her sister gave her an approving nod. Darlene took a deep breath. “I care about you and what happens to you. Last night, I made a commitment to both of us. I would not and will not leave it. I hope you can believe me.” Avery's eyes started to water, and he choked a little as Laurasia grabbed the orange juice and handed it to Avery. “Drink that,” and he did. Laurasia spoke up. "I know my sister. When she makes a commitment, she keeps it. But as her sister, I am worried about both of you.” Darlene then spoke up. “Which is why I asked my sister over. There is no one I trust more than her, and I was hoping she might be able to help you deal with what is going on.” Avery turns to look at Darlene. “I know I am not right, but the meds are the only thing that keeps me functional. I have tried many therapists and psychologists. I don’t like them. They only make me feel worse about myself.  I just want to keep to my meds and be left alone, please” Both Darlene and Laurasia could see his fear, and something must have happened in his experience with them for him to have this feeling. Laurasia stepped in. “I promise the last thing I will do is make you feel bad about yourself. You have made it this far in life. You graduated high school early and already have your Bachelor of Science. There is nothing to be ashamed of. There is a lot to be proud of.” Avery turned to look at Laurasia, seeing tears sliding down his face. “I. I am wearing a diaper because I can’t control myself!” Laurasia looked straight at him and spoke. “So what? Does that make you dumb? No, look at what you did. Does that make you not likable? I see Darlene over here, and I want you to stay with her. You can sit all day here with me, and we can have great conversations, and I won’t care if you're wearing a diaper.” There was a pause. “But what happened last night isn’t acceptable, and you need to learn what triggered it and why so we can stop it from happening again. We need to find out. If you let me, I will do my best to help you, but this is your choice. Darlene and I are not going to force it. Darlene is putting a lot of faith in you, and in turn, I think you should in her.” Avery looked at Darlene. He didn’t want to admit it, but he didn’t want to hurt her again, either physically or emotionally. She was kind to him and didn’t leave him last night. He was still terrified Darlene would leave him, and deep down, he knew she would, but if he did this for her, maybe there would be a slight chance she might not leave him. “Okay, I will accept the help. But I don’t think it will work.” He turned and looked at Darlene. “I didn’t mean to hurt you last night,” as he began crying. Darleen leaned over to hug Avery as he cried on his shoulder. Laurasia just watched. She knew exactly why Darlene was doing this, and even though she didn’t agree, she was going to help Darlene figure this out. She watched as tears slid down her own face, watching the two embrace. There were a lot of questions that still needed to be answered before she could help them both. After a few moments, Avery slowly pulled away from Darlene's embrace, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. He looked up at Laurasia with a sense of vulnerability and determination. "I'll try," he whispered, his voice barely above a hoarse murmur reaffirming what he had said earlier. Laurasia nodded, her eyes filled with understanding and compassion. "That's all we can ask for, Avery. Just take it one step at a time." Darlene squeezed Avery's hand reassuringly before standing up to clean the dishes. She turned to Laurasia with gratitude shining in her eyes. "Thank you for being here for us, Laurasia. I don't know what I would do without your support," she said softly. Laurasia smiled softly. "We're in this together, Darlene. We'll figure it out."

Seee.. I knew it wasn’t a kidnap attempt.. why does everyone always seem to want to jump to doom and gloom.. sofia would never do that to us 😇 … … or maybe I have magic and read ahead on her computer 🪄 oh, cute diapies you have in that third drawer  

Nothing too bad, just incredibly stupid. I now think back and find it pretty funny. Apparently, eye injuries are fairly common.  When I was going for a post-op follow-up appointment, there was an older kid there because of a paintball accident.  That is probably why everyone in the movie A Christmas Story told Ralphie he was going to shoot his eye out. Chapter 13 I woke up to my mom rubbing my back.  I rolled onto my back and looked up at my mom.  My mom said, “Good morning Will, the nurse will be here in a little bit to start your morning feeding and weigh and measure you.  I want to change you before she gets here.” My first thought was why do I need to be changed, then as I was fully waking up, I could tell that my diaper was swollen and it was pushing my legs apart.  With a shocked look on my face, I said, “I didn’t realize that I wet myself.” I could see my mom’s facial expressions soften, and then she said, “It's OK, sweetheart.  You have the body of a two-and-a-half to three-year-old.  You will probably wet the bed every night like you did before at that age.” I just nodded my head and thought about how I hadn’t wet the bed since I was six.  My mom pulled the covers back, then picked me up and repositioned me on the bed to make it easier to change me.  I could then see my dad come into view over me and he handed my mom a diaper and wipes.  He looked down at me and with a smile said, “Good morning, Will.” I simply replied, “Morning.” My mom pushed my gown up to my chest, then I could hear her ripping the tapes open.  She started wiping the front of me and it still felt weird, but at least I was mentally prepared for the difference.  She lifted my lower half by my ankles, then wiped my bottom.  I then felt myself being lowered onto a new diaper.  She quickly taped the diaper up and balled up the old one with the used wipes inside.  My gown was pulled back down, I was moved back to laying with my head on the pillow, and the covers were pulled back up.  While holding my dirty diaper in one hand my mom started raising the bed and said, “I want to try and stay upright a little more today if you can.” I just nodded my head as I was raised to an almost sitting position but the bed was supporting most of my weight.  My mom had to grab the pillow to keep it from falling and I watched as she walked over to throw the used diaper away.  I turned my attention to the TV and could see that my dad was watching the news.  I started to pay close attention to see what I missed when I was in a coma, but it looked like they were talking about the same things as always, just the details were different.  About 30 minutes into watching the news, I see Abby walk in pushing a cart.  As she was hanging a feeding bag, she looked down at me and with a smile, said, “Good morning, Will, how are you feeling today?” I said, “OK.” As she was connecting my feeding tube to the bag and giving me a syringe of nausea medicine, all I could think about was why was everyone so overly cheerful and smiling at me.  I couldn’t decide if it was because of my reaction to everything and they were trying to make me feel better, or was it because I looked like a small child and they were having a disconnect between the toddler that they saw and the adult that they know I am.  As much as it pained me to admit it, when I saw myself last night in the mirror being held by my mom, all I could see looking back at me was a cute toddler. My thoughts were interrupted by Abby saying, “Will, I’m going to weigh and measure you.” I just nodded my head and was thinking how she was going to do it.  My question was answered when she picked me up out of bed with one hand supporting my upper back, the other supporting my diapered bottom, and laid me down on a baby scale that was sitting on top of the cart.  I did my best to not blush at the infantile method that Abby had to use on me.  She pushed my feet up against the end of the scale to where my feet were flat.  I could then feel a thin, flat piece of metal touch the top of my head that was slid into place.  She then said, “Twenty-seven pounds and five ounces, and thirty-six and three-quarters inches.” She then picked me back up and sat me back down in bed.  She stated, “I will be back in a little bit to flush your feeding tube, do you need anything?” I just shook my head no and she walked out pushing the cart.  I started watching the TV again, but within 20 minutes I felt the intense need to poop and pee.  I turned to my parents and said, “I have to go to the bathroom.” My mom got up and took a seat on my bed and said, “Will, I know I haven’t told you yet, since all the times before were accidents, but until you get better you’re just going to have to go in your diaper.  I will change you whenever you need it and if it is just pee, you should still feel dry since those are nighttime diapers you are wearing.” My eyes got as large as saucers at the thought of pooping myself on purpose.  Moments later, the decision was made for me as my body began to push out wave after wave of semi-solid poop into the back of my diaper.  My bladder released too, and the front of my diaper began to warm as I peed myself.  I grimaced as I could feel the poop work its way up the front of my diaper and cover my privates.  A minute later, my mom asked, “Are you done going?” All I could do was nod yes and hang my head in shame.  She gently picked me up and laid me down.  Once my gown was out of the way, she untapped my diaper, and when the front was lowered down, I almost wanted to gag at the smell.  She made quick work and used an ungodly amount of wipes to clean me up.  I was quickly tapped up into a clean diaper and placed back into a sitting position in bed and my foul diaper was thrown away.  She then walked back over, caressed my cheek with her hand, and kissed me on the forehead.  She looked me in the eyes and said, “I know this is hard on you, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about.  Once you get better, we can work on trying to re-potty train you. OK.” I looked down at my lap and in a quiet voice, I said, “OK.” She gave me another kiss on the forehead and took a seat in the recliner beside me.  I cringed at the thought of potty training.  All I could do was picture myself sitting on a plastic potty with a pull-up around my ankles and my parents praising me for making it to the “potty” in time as any normal toddler could do.  But I’m not a toddler, I’m supposed to be an adult, and not just an adult, but an adult male, not a toddler girl.  Would I need to wear girl pull-ups?  Before I could go any deeper down the rabbit hole of potty training, I saw Abby and Dr. Cameron walk in. Dr. Cameron greeted, “Good Morning, Will, how are you feeling?” As Abby was flushing my feeding tube, I said, “I’m OK.” “That’s good to hear, I am going to give you a test in a little bit to see how your brain is doing.  I see that you are sitting up, have you tried sitting up unassisted yet?” she asked. My mom quickly butted in and said, “He was able to sit up by himself yesterday for a little bit.” With a smile, Dr. Cameron said, “That’s wonderful news, one thing I would like for you to do a few times a day is to sit up on your own for as long as you can to help build up your core strength.  Can you give it a try for me?” I nodded yes as I saw Abby walking back out of the room.  Dr. Cameron beside me on the bed and after setting down the tablet in her hand, she helped me up to a full upright position.  With one hand in front of my chest to keep me from toppling over, she let go of me.  I was surprised that it was easier than yesterday, but I still felt like I was giving the same effort as trying to do a plank.  At about 5 minutes into it, my core muscles were starting to quiver again, and after another couple of minutes straining with all my might, I fell forward into Dr. Cameron’s hand.  She gently pushed me back to where the bed was supporting me and in a cheery voice said, “Good job Will, that was fantastic.” Out of breath, I just nodded.  After a few deep breaths, I saw Dr. Cameron grab her tablet, and then asked, “Are you ready to take a test?” After a brief pause, I asked, “Could you explain to me how all this happened?  I know Dr. Taub did, but I zoned out during most of it then freaked out.” She said, “Certainly, Will.” I could see her scrolling on her tablet then she said, “Alright, the genes that we determined that were mutated were your 3p26, 6q25, 7q36, 9p1, 9q34, 12p11, 12q, 13q32, Xq24-25, and SRY.” “How did I get all these gene mutations?” I asked. “We think it happens when your cells undergo mitosis, this is when your cells divide to replace old ones.   There is an important process during the interphase when all your DNA is being replicated.  This is called the G1-S checkpoint.  This checkpoint checks for any problems in your DNA and stops the cell from dividing if there is a problem.  In your case, it did not catch the mutated genes and allowed for the cell to divide.  Over time, more and more of the cells in your body had this mutation from being replaced.  At some point, enough of your cells carried these genes to where you started to show physical symptoms and changes to your body,” she said. I asked, “Will I get more mutations and why now?” “It seems like your G1-S checkpoint only allows your mutated gene to undergo cell division.  We took some cell samples and grew cultures in a lab, then caused mutations in the cells using UV light and it seems that we could only get the control sample to undergo mitosis.  As far as why now,  It looks like you were born with the issue with your G1-S checkpoint.  It was only a matter of time before the mutations took effect.  A good analogy would be that people who do not die of other causes will get cancer at some point if they live long enough due to DNA damage from the environment.  Does that make sense to you?” she asked. I nodded my head, but then asked, “How do all these mutations cause me to go from an adult guy to basically a toddler girl?” She said, “It looks like the mutations trigger an autoimmune response.  Your body started to pretty much eat itself and attacked your bones and tissue.  Your body also seemed to try and reject any food or water during this process and treated it like food poisoning. That is why you are not able to keep anything down right now.  It uses your tissue and bone cells as substances to sustain you and expel the rest.  As you physically got younger, your limp proportions changed, you stopped producing hormones which caused all your body hair to fall out, and you converted cells into fat cells around your abdomen and in your cheek on your face.  You also had a build-up of more collagen throughout your body that we normally lose as we age.” Taking in a deep breath, she said, “The changes to your reproductive system were unexpected.  We noticed that your testicles accented into your lower abdomen at first.  Then your scrotum, followed by your penis.  As your penis was accenting into your lower abdomen and pelvic region, your urethral moved upwards as a vaginal opening formed.  Through imaging, we were able to see that the tissue from your scrotum formed your uterus and fallopian tubes, and the tissue from your penis formed your vagina.  From samples, we were able to see that the cells from your penis and scrotum were being converted into stem cells to then be converted to the cells needed to form the tissue for your vagina and uterus.  We were also able to see that your testicles degenerated into scar tissue.  Does all this make sense to you?” Thinking for a second, I responded, “I understand what you are saying, but I don’t think it will ever make sense.” With a slight smile, Dr. Cameron said, “That is understandable, you are the first known case of anything like this happening.  Do you have any other questions?” Thinking back to anatomy class, I asked, “Do I still have my prostate?” She responded, “You do still have your prostate, but it is now underdeveloped.  That is one of the big differences between your case and someone born with Swyer Syndrome.  Are you ready to take a test on my tablet?” After being so engrossed in what Dr. Cameron was saying I didn’t notice at first that my joints were starting to ache again.  I asked, “Could I get some pain medicine? My joints are starting to hurt.” She said, “Certainly, I will be right back.” Dr. Cameron walked out of the room and was back moments later with a syringe in hand.  She said, “Will, I don’t want you to get too sleepy during this test, but I also don’t want you to be in pain either.  Is it alright if I just give you a partial dose, then the rest afterward?” I said, “Sure.” She then pushed about a third of the syringe into my I.V.  I could tell that my aching joints were feeling better, but I also wasn’t feeling sleepy.  Dr. Cameron moved the teddy bear that was beside me to the other side and then took a seat in its place.  With the major height difference, she was able to have one arm reach over me and hold the tablet in front of me.  She asked, “Have you ever taken an I.Q. test before?” I simply said, “No.” “Well, it is pretty simple, the test is timed for thirty minutes, and you just need to answer as many questions as you can,” she stated. I said, “OK.” She pressed an icon on the screen, then the test started with a timer in the upper left-hand corner.  I then started answering different questions about patterns, finishing the sequence of numbers, and word association.  They seemed to get harder the further along in the test I got.  With 12 minutes left in the test, I felt the need to pee build up quickly.  Thinking about what my mom said, I started to wet myself with very little effort on my part.  The warming sensation in my diaper caused me to pause for a moment.  Dr. Cameron, seeing me stop, asked, “Is everything alright?” Not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to tell the whole truth, I said, “Uh, I think I just wet myself.” “That is OK, can you wait until the test is over for a change?” she asked. I just nodded and began to answer questions again.  As the test was drawing to a close, it seemed like I was having to do mental gymnastics to answer the questions.  When the timer landed on zero, the test stopped and a new screen popped up with a loading bar and the caption calculating results.  Moments later the number 132 popped up in block letters. Dr. Cameron said, “Wow, you are one smart cookie, your score makes sense since you are in grad school for math. I bet you could have scored higher if you didn’t just wake up from a coma and were feeling a hundred percent.” I could then hear my dad speak up, “Yeah, he was a real smart ass when he was a teenager.” I then saw my mom smack my dad on the shoulder, and I responded, “It's better than being a dumbass,” as I shot him the bird. Looking back at Dr. Cameron, I said, “Maybe, why did I need to take an I.Q. test?” Pausing for a moment with wide eyes at my family’s banter, she caught herself and said, “Since you were in a coma, any MRI of your brain wouldn’t have been very helpful in seeing if this physical regression affected your intelligence.  Now that you are awake, an I.Q. test is the simplest way to tell.” I asked, “Why wasn’t it affected if my brain is so much smaller?” “Intelligence has more to do with the number of synaptic connections in the brain.  Males and females have the same average I.Q. of 100, even though males on average have slightly larger brains.  The number of connections in the brain are more important than the overall size,” she stated.  I nodded, then she said, “I’m going to give you the rest of your pain medicine and let you get some rest.” I responded, “OK.” After injecting me with the rest of the pain medicine, she said, “Someone from the team will come by tomorrow during rounds, you all have a great rest of your day.” My mom responded, “Thank you, Dr. Cameron.” My mom got up and moved the teddy bear back to the other side of me and said, “I'm going to lower your bed back down so that you are comfortable if the medicine makes you sleepy.” I nodded my head and she lowered the bed and placed the pillow back under my head.  After tucking me in, she kissed me on the forehead.  As I was lying in bed contemplating the results from the I.Q. test all I could think about was what has my life become.  What’s the point of being smart if I won't be able to finish school?  I don’t need to be told that it is highly unlikely I will be returning to ASU this coming fall.  How would I even teach, it's not like I can reach the chalkboard now.  I can’t ride a bike to school anymore or live on my own.  How would I even cook for myself?  Who would even take a toddler seriously?  My last thought as I fell asleep was, ‘Who am I supposed to be now?’ I woke back up sometime later and looked over at my parents to see they were watching TV.  I tried to squeeze my legs together but was stopped by my now swollen diaper.  All I could think was ‘Great’; best case scenario, I won’t need diapers when I’m awake and have easy access to a bathroom, but would need my parents to diaper me anytime I need to sleep for the rest of my life.  Then I started thinking about how I would need help to go to the bathroom.  Anytime I needed to go in public I would have to be taken to the restroom like a small child.  Diapers or not, either way, seems undignified to me. My mom noticed that I was awake, came and sat on the bed, and asked, “Did you sleep well?” I just nodded my head.  She then asked, “Do you need a diaper change?” as she squeezed the front of my diaper through the covers. I just nodded my head and bit my lower lip at the loss of autonomy over my own body.  After pulling the covers back, she positioned me to change my diaper as my dad handed her a clean diaper and wipes.  A couple of minutes later, I was in a dry diaper and lying back in my normal position in bed. After throwing away my wet diaper and washing her hands, she came and sat back down on my bed and said, “Will, are you up to work on sitting up on your own again?” I nodded my head again, not really wanting to, but knowing that I needed to and to just get it over with.  She lifted me into a sitting position slowly let go and kept her hands in front of me, ready to catch me if I toppled over.  While I found each time that I worked on sitting up easier, I felt like an infant with their mother working on developmental milestones.  The diaper change beforehand did not help either in that regard.  I seemed to last longer sitting up, but eventually, my body gave up, and my mom had to catch me and lay me back down. While catching my breath, my mom said, “You are doing great, honey.” Feeling dejected, I didn’t even respond and just turned over on my side, facing away from both my parents.  My mom started rubbing my back and gingerly asked, “Do you want to talk about what’s on your mind?” I remained quiet and didn’t respond.  My mom continued, “Talking about whatever is troubling you will make you feel better.  I know you probably think that your life is over, but it is not.  Things will be different for you but the story is not over.  God still has a plan for you.” Hearing my mom's last words struck a raw, exposed nerve within me.  With tears of frustration and anger welling in my eyes, I turned and looked at my mom and shouted, “Fuck God and fuck his plan.  He turned me into a freak of nature.  I’m supposed to be an adult man, not a goddamn toddler girl!” Anger quickly turned into sorrow and despair as fat tears began to pour down my face.  In a quiet voice, I said, “I don’t even know who I am supposed to be anymore.”  After a sob escaped me, I said, “What future do I have other than daycare and shitting myself.” With those last words, heavy sobs begin to rack my body.  My mom quickly picked me up and held me tightly in her arms.  I clung to her shirt and buried my face into her shoulder as she slowly rubbed my back.  Her shirt became dreaded in my snot and tears as I cried out all my anger, frustration, sorrow, and sadness at the world.  Eventually, my bowels erupted and as the back of my diaper filled, I began to cry even harder at my own self-fulfilling prophecy. After a few minutes and my crying subsided somewhat, my mom gently laid me down and kissed me on my tear-soaked cheek.  I just stared at the ceiling as I continued to sob uncontrollably.  I see my dad come into view above and as my mom started to change my dirty diaper, he leaned down and after kissing me on the forehead, he said, “Will, we would never put you in daycare.  If you haven’t forgotten, I’m retired and we will just spend time together until we figure out something for you to do.  You are one of the smartest people that I know and if you set your mind on something, you will find a way to accomplish it,” as he was running his fingers through my hair. I could hear his words and knew that they were true, but at that moment they still felt hollow to me.  He then grabbed a washcloth and wiped my face of all the snot and tears, but it was only temporary as more snot and tears leaked out of me.  My mom finished changing my diaper and as she was handing my dad my used diaper and changing supplies, my dad handed her a towel.  She draped it over her stained shirt from my tears, then picked me back up.  With me in her arms, she lay down in my bed.  I laid on top of her with my head resting on her upper chest covered by the towel to soak up all my tears.  She gently kissed me on the top of my head and began to rub my back with one hand and pat my bottom with the other.  My dad laid a blanket over the both of us.  Still lightly sobbing, I cried myself to sleep minutes later.

Lord of the Lost - One Last Song (Official Video)   

When you're comfy and gotta pee real bad but don't want to get out of bed ... but you know your diaper is already at saturation point.