WBDaddy

Is it bad that I'm more nervous about the last thing Amber said than I'm sentimental about anything else that happened? And that I'm rooting for Savannah to step in and help him find a balance between these two sides that actually works? Glad other people are seeing what I saw before the first time she met Paul. Ambition with greed, not care with dignity.

No shade. This is why I've started dividing up the visceral reaction and the critical feedback, so there's no confusion which is which. And note no mention of the baby talk in my critical feedback

I hate, hate, hate the direction this is going, and I hate how Harley is a primary driver of that direction, and I hate how Bryan and Lilly are just dancing along behind the snake charmer, way too excited that she's basically manipulating him and them, because it still means that it's not all on them to "manage" him, that they have some sort of release valve, regardless of the cost to Paul's dignity, which she stomped all over with impunity when she walked in. I hate Paul suddenly talking like a caricature of a three-year-old (because seriously, I raised a kid from birth, and at no point did he utter a sentence that involved "me" as the subject, nor did he ever refer to himself in third person), and I hate that no one at all (except Amber?) has any clue what's happening here. *big inhale and exhale* Brilliant, as usual, writing. I have no criticisms to offer. As usual, the above was just my visceral reaction to what is happening in the actual story. Addendum: I hope Amber might be the glimmer of hope here. The big slap of reality that wakes Bryan and Lilly and Paul out of the stupor that Harley has lulled them into, that it's not acceptable for someone to drag him into littlespace every time she interacts with him, that it really does need to be his choice, not him going along because he's conflict-avoidant, that his adult self needs to have the space to assert itself, EVEN WHEN Harley is there, lest it become completely lost.

But pureed Brussel sprouts? That's a funk I wouldn't wish on anyone!

Harsh, man.

Tried to DM you about this, but... oh well.

If you've ever had a rum runner, you've had banana liqueur, which means you've had the "lightweight" version of waragi. It really is like strong rum with a vague banana flavor in the back somewhere.

2nd person is a valid writing perspective, where "you" are the subject. Problem is, that is LITERALLY the most jarring of all accidental perspective changes, from 2nd to 1st.

Did I mention my favorite writers around here are the ones who can take a little ribbing?

Hanging more meat onto the myriad characters that are Joomi's family. Sunlight and shadow alike. Well done. Honestly, my eyes crossed when we went through the technical stuff in the previous chapter - I thought we'd teleported into a BabySofia story for a moment there. (Love BabySofia to death, but she sure does dive into the tech and gadgets and stuff a LOT)

I wrote one about 30 years ago - literally a prompt, I was really into ee cummings at the time, and one of my friends said "Write me a poem about a spirit of winter" If it's okay with you, I'd love to share it. It wound up being lyrics to a song I recorded about... 22 years later.

Why?

This is a fun take on the "trained to be auctioned off" trope. Looking forward to what *else* you do with it.

Felt like this was aimed at me. At no point have I criticized our story crafter for the choices his characters made. I've just let myself react viscerally to the characters themselves, and express that reaction. For the record, both Bryan and Lilly recognized what I saw, that they were the ones who pushed him over a cliff when they were trying to keep him from running off a different one. I'm emotionally invested in this story at this point. I'm reacting to everything, because I'm allowing myself the space to feel everything. And that is a testament to what Frosty is doing here, because I don't stay plugged into stories that don't move me like this one does. Some of that is direct empathy with Paul's experience (I too lost a parent at a young age, not quite as young as him, but young enough to where it broke me in a lot of ways), but a lot of it is Frosty's effort to make this emotionally engaging.

I love how you highlighted that the diagnostic criteria for Maturosis is based on observing adult Littles who have already been diagnosed with Maturosis. Hence, anything he said or did would have been acknowledged as evidence of his condition. Because everyone else ever diagnosed with Maturosis did all sorts of things, creative, combative, or both, to try and convince their "adoptive parents" that they did not need this sort of treatment. Completely circular logic. And beautifully displayed here. Kudos to Joomi for realizing this was a bunch of hogwash and giving Adam a chance to remember that she was already not interested in this exercise, that it in no way affected her opinion of him. Deep down, I suspect that his willingness to submit to this kind of treatment just to get the chance to work with her was such an immense complement to her, she couldn't help but grant his request.