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WBDaddy

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WBDaddy last won the day on October 14

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    39 and SHUT UP ABOUT MY GRAYS!

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  1. WBDaddy
    Yep, I fucking hate her with every fiber of my being. I was the gifted child, but my mother only gave me love and approval when I was demonstrating in real time just how gifted I was capable of being. Beethoven's 5th at a piano recital at age 8, for example. Getting almost straight A's in school? Not good enough.
  2. WBDaddy
    Couple of suggestions, strictly writer to writer: - Careful about your passive tense. There's no reason to say "had reacted" when "reacted" works just as well. "Had taken a walk" is inferior to "took a walk" or even just "walked". Passive tense should be reserved for things that happen without any action required by any of the characters. "It had rained all night", for example, when referencing someone looking out the window in the morning and seeing water dripping off the roof. - You're definitely having a little challenge with homonym interpolation here. "To" instead of "Too" is happening a lot. "Of" instead of "Off". Also with inappropriate apostrophes. Possessives get apostrophes - like "judge's orders". Plurals don't, like "blankets". The second part, while fairly frequent, isn't distracting enough to cause issues, but the first one definitely is. Remember, people act. They don't have actions foisted upon them by nonexistent entities. All that said, you're doing very well for someone who is not a native English speaker. (Heck, I've seen far worse from people who are native English speakers. ) One more thing, story-related. I think it was a smart move for her to show restraint, not doling out the full judge-ordered swat count. Having done my share of spanking as part of partner interactions, it is absolutely pointless to keep going once your subject has gone fully limp in your lap. In fact, it can do serious nerve damage if you continue past this point. An experienced spanker knows this, and it's not something that even an experienced spankee can fake. The big heaving sobs and utter lack of resistance is evidence of crossing the threshold beyond fight or flight and into full submission. No amount of pain beyond this point will accomplish a thing for the subject's mindset.
  3. WBDaddy
    I see what you did there.
  4. WBDaddy
    It's a bummer that she stopped coming around. Ramble had such a dark, warped sense of humor about her stories. Lot of gore porn mixed in with magical AR stuff like this.
  5. babywittleone started following WBDaddy
  6. WBDaddy
    It's low-key wonderful to take a walk through my past "content" on this site and discover gems like this. A fun story, and an absolutely hilarious rabbit trail discussion after. A+++ would read again. Is the Rambling one around anymore?
  7. WBDaddy
    This creates something of a romantic conflict. Mommy versus girlfriend. It's not like Mei is charging him for her services.
  8. WBDaddy
    I've seen a few "corporal punishment instead of prison" stories pop up here and there over the years. This is already a different take on it, and I'm here for it.
  9. WBDaddy
    That's a kinda cruel necrobump, tbh. As a writer who has struggled to finish stories, the last thing someone needs is something like this as an "encouragement". If someone necroed mine with a message like this, I'd immediately start feeling bad about myself for all the stories I struggled to finish and not want to write at all.
  10. WBDaddy
    Not gonna lie, the biggest reason why Lilly is such a trigger-point for me is because she literally behaves like my own mother did. Everything was about how she appeared as a mother, not how much she was destroying my entire self in service of her true goal. It took me years of therapy to unpack her shenanigans, and I'm 52 now, and still not done with that work. I may well be dead before I finally find the true self I was supposed to become under any normal circumstances. So I assure you, this is not a critique on your writing - hell, the simple fact that your writing is this good, especially your character-building, is the reason I'm feeling these things. But I hate that fucking cowardly bitch right now. And if I was Paul, when I got home, I'd take that diaper off, put on proper clothes, pack my shit, and walk the fuck out. And I'd have my dad on the phone while I did it, telling him very simply that he better put a leash on that bitch if he ever wants to see me again.
  11. WBDaddy
    I could tell how excited you were writing and publishing that chapter by the number of obvious typos in the part after Kim got off the phone. Also, I now hate Lilly again for what she just did, putting Kim on speakerphone without even telling Paul in advance that she was doing it. Just so she'd have "backup" when he inevitably fought back, not even against being put in Kim's care, but just taking something she just gave back to him - Martina's presence - away. Fuck that bitch. For real.
  12. WBDaddy
    NGL dude lost me when he said 4'6" was unusually small for an 11-year-old. It's barely below median for age.
  13. WBDaddy
    I have all the notes from BOTH of the collabs we were kicking around.
  14. WBDaddy
    It is always worth making people wait to get it right. Don't ever let anyone convince you any differently.
  15. WBDaddy
    Well... that was a mood. Kid has stress incontinence, and in a very big way.
  16. WBDaddy
    It's not like I don't still have notes from ideas we batted around over the years. Challenge being, we both have a tendency to want to take the lead on stuff like this, so we butt heads a lot.
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