Change his life! Not his sheets

[DailyDi]

That's the tagline for a bedwetting alarm that has been stalking my facebook page. It's accompanied by a picture of a grief-stricken mother and son looking like they've just been told he has cancer.

Seems a little dramatic for bedwetting.

[rusty pins]

Guess they never heard of Goodnites and Underjams, let alone youth diapers.  Of course, a bedwetting alarm company is there to sell their product and you can't do that unless you establish a need first.

[Thad]

*puts on my tin foil bonnet*

So in essence it's the water/soda companies lacing the products with muscle relaxants to induce bedwetting thus fueling the rise of bedwetting alarms. Lol

[babykeiff]

For training a child not to bedwet, or more correctly, to learn and react to a filling bladder, there are a few alternatives, and using a bedwetting alarm is counter productive. A device that wakes a child post the event is similar to Palov's dog training. Thus, the child learns to wake as soon as he starts to wet. This can help, but analysis has found that the child reverts to wetting without the bed alarm as it is waiting for the alarm of the system for it to wake.

As a result, this type of training tends to delay what the child needs - to react to the expanding bladder and not the moisture hitting the bed wetting pad.

Using goodnights / underjams is also a problem as it tells the child that it is OK to wet. They are in a diaper, so why not use same.

The proven method of teaching a child is to place an underpad on the bed where the matteress can survive with wetting. Next is to wake the child mid sleep period if the child is dry, and let him/her go to the bathroom and void. If the child wets during the second sleep period, leave him to deal with it in the morning - wet pyjamas and wet underpad. Eventually, the child starts waking mid sleep period and goes to the bathroom him/herself. As his/her bladder gets to handle the night load, the child stops waking mid sleep period. If the bladder signals a mid sleep period need, this wakes the child.

 

[FretaBWet]

This is the EVIL device my parents used to break my bedwetting. You are giving the child a life sentence of never having an uninterrupted nights sleep. It doesn't increase bladder capacity so the result will be waking during the night as many times as your bladder signals the brain it's full. It's a decision that says breaking your child is preferable to the expense and your embarrassment of having them rely on diapers at night. I'm 70 years old, they did this to me at 17 years old, and I'm still angry over it. I'm still in diapers because the alarm doesn't address the root cause, only a symptom. A more accurate slogan would be Break your child of bed wetting by breaking your child.

Hugs,

Freta

[~Brian~]

On 9/25/2023 at 7:05 PM, babykeiff said:

For training a child not to bedwet, or more correctly, to learn and react to a filling bladder, there are a few alternatives, and using a bedwetting alarm is counter productive. A device that wakes a child post the event is similar to Palov's dog training. Thus, the child learns to wake as soon as he starts to wet. This can help, but analysis has found that the child reverts to wetting without the bed alarm as it is waiting for the alarm of the system for it to wake.

As a result, this type of training tends to delay what the child needs - to react to the expanding bladder and not the moisture hitting the bed wetting pad.

Using goodnights / underjams is also a problem as it tells the child that it is OK to wet. They are in a diaper, so why not use same.

The proven method of teaching a child is to place an underpad on the bed where the matteress can survive with wetting. Next is to wake the child mid sleep period if the child is dry, and let him/her go to the bathroom and void. If the child wets during the second sleep period, leave him to deal with it in the morning - wet pyjamas and wet underpad. Eventually, the child starts waking mid sleep period and goes to the bathroom him/herself. As his/her bladder gets to handle the night load, the child stops waking mid sleep period. If the bladder signals a mid sleep period need, this wakes the child.

 

@babykeiff

Well I do understand that there are people who are trying to learn how not to wet the bed, my brother's when they were younger did it a few times, and my younger brother's Dan and Eric did it for awhile, and one of the things that we did in the family is that we would help them if they needed it, and we didn't give them hell if they went to bed because it was not their fault. We always used to help them by reminding them to go to the bathroom before going to bed and my parents used to wake them up in the middle of night, or more appropriately at like 10:30 11 at night so that they could use the bathroom so they would have dry beds. Even when that was the accepted practice in our house, there are still wet beds in the morning, because that was something that was because they might not have had the appropriate amount of hormone to stop urine production at night i'm not sure if that was an issue or not. My main concern is that children should not be forced to learn to not wet the bed by having to endure wet sheets all the time because that can lead to rashes and whole bunch of stuff. If a kid needs to learn to do that, person needs to be ready for accidents and when somebody is bed wetting because they have no recollection of it or they have no control, the best way to help them is to allow them to get enough sleep. Part of the reason why I have been having problems with sleeping since 2019 is because I'm constantly in the bathroom all night long and I can't help it i'm just sitting on the toilet waiting for something to happen and I'm losing hours and hours of sleep.

When you have somebody that is a bed wetter that is trying to learn, the idea here is you have to be patient with them and understanding. If you stick our bed wedding pad under them, And they keep wetting the bed, that indicates to me that there is more of a situation that needs to be looked at. People don't have the bladder capacity to be able to hold it all night, and there are people that wear diapers to bed at night, including my brothers for a while because it was easy to change a diaper than it would be to change the sheets.

@FretaBWet Is correct: when you're trying to learn not to bed wet or you're trying to teach your children not to do that, the best thing to do is to not make a big deal out of it and not make it like a punishment if they don't make it to the bathroom. However, if for some reason they continue to do this on a regular basis, some parents would automatically determine that it probably be easier for them to wear diapers, and eventually when they learn that it's a lot easier than having a wet bed it'd probably be a lot less trauma to them. Childhood only lasts for so long, and being a child is a time when you can get away with things, even if you are responsible for your younger brothers your younger sisters maybe doing some chores around the house, but childhood only lasts for so long and the innocence only lasts for about 14 to 15 years before you may have to do work or be able to help your family or whatever. It's embarrassing to most children to have to deal with a wet bed and it's also embarrassing to deal with a wet diaper, but if I was a kid and I was in this condition I would end up advocating for diapers because it's a lot easier on someone to be able to help you so you're not dealing with wet beds. When you have a wet bed and you have to get up in the middle of the night and change it, we've had to do that on occasion, it takes over an hour for somebody to change the bed sometimes, unless of course you are very good at it and you can do it in less than 10. My step mom was really good at it and she was also very accepting.

I agree with her that having trouble with bed wetting is not exactly what people are wanting to have happen: no one really wants to probably Wet the bed, but that is something that we can't control. Just like a baby can't control when it has to use their diaper. Diaper is there to help them, and I have had friends that have worn diapers until they are 13 14 or so, and that is because they do not have the batter capacity or the muscle control to be able to control what's going on. Person doesn't have that control, then asking them to sleep in wet beds when they release in the middle of night is not a practical solution, and I'm not denying what you're saying when you're saying that kids learn and sometimes they have accidents and if you have a few accidents, you may finally learn that oops I better get up before I have an accident, but some kids don't do that, and to me it's not fair to the kid that is wet in the middle of the night and is miserable and probably cold and everything else. If I was a parent I would probably understand that, and I would be ready to accept them if they want to wear diapers at night. Wearing a diaper at night is no different than wearing  Underwear, except the underwear that most people wear is not absorbent, while a diaper is a form of absorbent underwear. A poor kid that is having that trouble, they don't have the time nor the patience and they probably would probably be in a lot of trouble because they cannot figure out how they're wedding the bed or why, and they just feel awful. Parents that punished the kids because they wet the beds or because they don't want them in diapers any more, that's ridiculous! Freeta being 70 years old, she's right: there's no reason to end up eliciting trauma on a child because they don't or can't get to the bathroom on time, and it's a lot easier to walk into somebody's room help them change a diaper, help them change their wet clothes and it takes like maybe 10 minutes? I've done it myself when I've wet a onesie all the way down and I have a wet diaper underneath I take a wet wet onesie off and then I take a wet diaper off and I know that I flooded it. The difference here is I let my body go, because it is a lot easier to deal with this and accept that that is what you're dealing with, rather than to try to find a way to stop something that isn't stoppable, by any normal means. Embarrassing a child into not wetting The bed is not an appropriate response, and while I agree that a child should learn as they grow older that they need to take care of this problem as much as they can by themselves, wearing diapers is not a punishment and should not be thought of as such.

There are plenty of children out there that probably don't have the control of their bladders or bowels. If they don't have this control and you're trying to teach them, you have to teach probably one skill at a time, and then eventually they will learn that they don't want wet pants. They don't want wet sheets, and they don't want wet beds cause they would have to sleep in it all night. The purpose of a diaper or plastic sheets is so that they can take care of this immediately, and most kids that have this trouble probably also have had bad rash because they've been dealing with wet clothing. Done it myself where I have wet something on and then you end up with red splotches and red marks all over the place because you end up waiting too long or you don't realize that you're that wet.

I feel bad for Any child, including @FretaBWet, Who had to go through this Many kids don't realize that night time dryness and daytime dryness are two different skills, and even when a kid can't pass potty training, or is having difficulty with it, you don't hold it over their head and make them feel bad because they have wet something. If you have to use diapers as a way to take care of a problem, then you do it. Earned as a member here on DD that there are so many people that wear diapers for many reasons and not one of them that I can fathom would automatically condemn somebody not to wear diapers simply because it would be embarrassing for them. They would probably want a dry diaper and maybe a pacifier or a dry bed every night when they get into it. And I don't understand why the stigmas are still there. Kids do have accidents, kids do have problems being able to stay dry, and some kids like me were disabled, so it took a long time for me to learn how to stay dry and my brothers were wearing diapers until almost 4, because they just couldn't keep dry and it was acceptable for them to wear diapers because it was easier for them to keep dry. You just drop a diaper and then you wipe them off in 5 seconds rather than having them all wet. I wouldn't wish this type of problem on anyone, but it happens to people that you always remember. Suzanne Somers, Michael Landon and others have had the same problem with bed wetting, And what I understand is that they were able to deal with it in their own special way, but If I was a parent, I would give the kid a choice: I would say that I would think that  I Think they might need diapers, diapers and it's not because I'm trying to be mean, I'm trying to be loving, and I would help them as much as I can. places are gonna be going Washington dc we're gonna  This way they can learn that what I'm trying to do is help them and not embarrass them, and if diapers were so easily acceptable that it was just about as easy as Wiping up Something with a paper towel that has spilled, and the stigma wasn't there, then people wouldn't be so quick to make Comments about older kids being babies because they need diapers.

A diaper is like a support device. Take my wheelchair or my Walker or maybe my computer. Need those things in order to function properly. Eat those things until you don't need them anymore, but they're there to help you should they be necessary. If people would just accept that diapers are worn when necessary and when somebody thinks it would be helpful to a kid, and a kid would say OK let's do it, and it wasn't made to sound like it was the worst punishment in the world, more kids would be less traumatized by wearing diapers than if they were to just put them on and use them. I get that kids may not want the stigma of it, but I'd rather have a dry bed dry pants and a wet diaper then be having major problems with bad red rashes!

Of course the above is my opinion, and I stand by it. Children need to be able to be kids, because kids only kids from the time they are zero until the time they are 18 or maybe even 21 depending on their jurisdiction. One years can go just about as fast as 24 hours in some people's minds depending on how things go. Of course 21 years is 21 years, but I can tell you that time goes by real fast and you might not have a chance to turn around and realize it before your kids are all grown up and gone. My opinion is let the kid be a kid, let the kid wear a diaper for as long as they need, or as long as a parent thinks it's appropriate and if a parent thinks it's appropriate and a kid thinks it's appropriate let him do it, because that way you don't have to worry about trauma they don't have to worry about trauma or the big bad potty monster!

I'm sure that people such as @Kawaharu would agree with that Sentiment. But the kid be the kid and let them tell you what they need within reason, and if they need help you help them that's what a parent does. When A kid is ready, they will let you know, when they're emotionally ready physically ready psychologically ready and to have the ability to know the difference between wet and dry and clean and dirty, and they don't like a dirty diaper and they don't like wet pants, the best way to do that is to just help them so that they will learn in an appropriate timeline. Potty training should not be something that is done within 2 1/2 years and quickly put in the background because his parents don't wanna deal with it anymore. If you have brothers and sisters and they have worn diapers most of their lives, a mother gets used to having to change diapers or being able to deal with people that are bed wetters. It's just a fact of life. She tells us that training is a trap, and I think the trap is that the kid is expected to train and be able to be dry by a certain amount of time set by what society thinks is appropriate. Darn society, they don't know what is appropriate for certain children, only the parent and the child know that, and that's why when you wanna train a child, the parent might be ready, the child might not be, and guess who's gonna win? It's gonna be the child, because they're gonna rebel they're gonna make a mess and they're gonna do it because they can get away with it because they don't wanna do it any more! That's why you have to be ready for people who might be resistant to training. It can be done, but it can't be done on the fly within say three years unless you have a parent a child and a support system that can help that child to succeed, and to be ready for back steps and to be put in a situation where you might have to put them back in diapers for a time being because of some traumatic incident. That's what happens in life, potty training is not the easiest thing in the world to master, especially when you are in a wheelchair and you can't get to the bathroom or you can't get out of your wheelchair and you can't get the assistance, so you have your aids taking you to the bathroom bathing you cleaning you changing you Etcetera. I've done that I know what it's like i've been the guy that's in the bed having diapers change and been put in a chair and then strapped down or force fed or whatever it is because they want me to eat, or they want me to do something, and if I don't they sometimes threaten me with violence, basically the violence is I don't do this and I get told on, then my parents get after me! Once the parents realize that it's a losing battle, they will understand that the only way a child is going to be ready is when they are ready, you have to be behind them giving them the push maybe, but you should not force them.  Parents should strongly suggest, but they have the option of letting their kids learn at their own speed, and some kids like she said can't potty train because they don't have the emotional readiness or the physical readiness or the whatever readiness that they need to be able to know that they're wet and they need to be changed or they're wet and they don't like it! When you're wearing a diaper those things don't apply, but you know that you have a dirty diaper or you know you have a wet 1, you just change it and you move on, but for a kid there is nothing more humiliating and embarrassing sometimes than having a wet diaper, and I get that, and it might be bad for the parents cause it's embarrassing for them but think of the kid who asked to deal with that, and if it be easier for a kid to wear diapers for a while that is a lot easier to deal with than to have somebody be so traumatized by being forced to do something they're not ready for. Dry beds are more important than wet beds, and being able to sleep nights in dry accommodations is more important than having something set up where a kid is learning to potty train by knowing what wetness is. All I can tell you is I've slept in wet beds and it's not comfortable and it doesn't smell too good either! I'm just saying like what it is: kids are only kids once in their lives, and they're only going to be able to get away with certain things for a certain amount of time before things change and they have more responsibilities to deal with.

What I'm saying here is let the kid be the kid, let the parent be the parent and let them be the guiding force but not the forcing force behind them being potty trained when it's convenient for the parents! I can tell you one thing right now, if it's kid versus parent and the kid doesn't warn a potty train, that kid will end up messing themselves or wetting Themselves in defiance and they won't stop until they get what they want, because they know that they can manipulate the situation. It's easier if the child and the parent can work together, and if it takes a longer time for a child to train, so be it but always have it as a thing that they can do in the back of their mind when they are ready. A parent can say I think you ought to eventually learn how to use the potty: parents can say that without feeling like that is a bad thing to do, cause most kids want to be able to be trained eventually, but it should be the kid that is the main drive of the force because they need to be ready before the parent can help them otherwise the parent training them is going to have to put him back in diapers in the first place.

Brian

[babykeiff]

@~Brian~

Yes, I agree that allowing a child to stay in a wet bed can lead to rash, but there are multiple items that need to be dealt with when it comes to bedwetting, its causes and its solutions, and these don't include *abnormal issues like disease / *irregular bladder actions.

Causes:

• stress
• tiredness
• bladder not large enough to cope with 8-12 hours sleep
• not enough vasopressin being produced
• sleeping too deep to be able to wake from signals of stretching bladder
• insecurity - feeling that they are still a baby cause they think they have failed to progress from infant-hood

Due to these issues, where a bed wetter will have one or many, when addressing the wetting, all these have to be considered.

The solution that had been proven is the following, with the childs agreement:-

1. Place an underpad on the bed - to protect the matteress, and not a plastic matteress and pillow. After all, the child is not a baby, and you do not need to protect the bed as one would do with a baby and/or treat the child as a baby. You need to build the child's confidence, not remove it to force the child to regress.
2. If at half the sleep cycle, the child has not wet the bed, wake the child so it can go to a bathroom. If the child has wet the bed, do not wake child and let it sleep and deal with the wet bed etc in the morning. Next night, wake the child earlier. Allow the child to blame you for not waking it - say you forgot or fell asleep. Therefore the childs stress levels will drop.
3. If the child wets later in the sleep cycle, after the mid waking, let the child sleep and deal with the wet bed in the morning. Tell the child that it must have been overtired, and to try again tomorrow night.
4. Do not use diapers or any form of percieved infantile garb, and do not allow others to tease child over bed wetting. Again, the child is not a baby, and any form of diapers etc may deal with the wet bed - an object that can be replaced - but diapers also reinforce what the child feels and fears that it has failed toilet training and/or promotion from babyhood. As a result, diapers may protect the bed, but can add to the stress level the child is already under, and any added stress can cause the child to seek resolution in its own mind - by regressing even further.
5. Avoid the negative reinforcement of failure - don't use the bed wetting calendar OR if you want to record it, do it in private where the child / other siblings do not know. Do not react / tell the child of how long it is wetting the bed.
6. If this goes on for longer than a few weeks / month, there IS a stress layer that you either don't know about or do know about, have dismissed as nothing and is not being addressed.

The reasons are :

• Allow the child not to be overtired by ensuring the child gets the full nights slee - even if it wets after mid cycle waking
• Remove the stress levels by dealing with the wet bed as if it is natural, and just a phase in the childs life
• Waking mid sleep cycle to void, teaches the child to wake itself so it can void - i.e. focus on its growing bladder
• Not using diapers etc and protecting child from teasing reinforces childs security and also tells child that it has NOT failed to progress from infant-hood. Diapers in any form reminds the child of its percieved view of babyhood, which it is trying to avoid.

Bladder size grows normally with practice - overnight control is about two items - 1 capacity and noticing / reacting to same filling AND 2 bodily fluid control mechanisms.

So, although you see that leaving a child to be in a wet bed overnight may seem cruel, but there are more things to consider in helping the child than just diapering the child.

If you have ever toilet trained a child, you would know the cruelty that is enforced on said child in order to teach the child to use a toilet instead of diapers. Yes, on this site, there are people that wish they were never toilet trained - but the reality is that if one does not toilet train their children, it can severely restricts their future development. Toilet training a child teaches said child that pee and poo belongs in a toilet, and it is not a toy to be played with. Most parent here can recall the early morning they went into their young child's room and found the childs diaper on the floor somewhere and eneryhere else covered with poo.

Many people in the world believe the comercials in that a pull-up / bed wetter pants / pyjama pants is the ideal solution for a bed wetting child - after all, the actor in the comercial portrays happiness at wearing same going to bed and waking up the next morning. This is the concept that the advertisers are selling - that their product will help your child. The truth and reality is that your child wearing this product helps the company and no one else, but the company will not tell you that. They put the commercial together in order to increase their sales and profit. The fact that this product does not help you or your child, they really don't care. After all, they are still getting your money.

* I absolutely hate and despise the terms that refer to biological processes as abnormal / different. No-one is abnormal as each person is unique. As a result, the way you do things as compared to another is different but also the same. Life is different and unique in everyone, so one can't refer to another with a different ability as abnormal as there is no normal.

[babykeiff]

2 hours ago, FretaBWet said:

This is the EVIL device my parents used to break my bedwetting. You are giving the child a life sentence of never having an uninterrupted nights sleep. It doesn't increase bladder capacity so the result will be waking during the night as many times as your bladder signals the brain it's full. It's a decision that says breaking your child is preferable to the expense and your embarrassment of having them rely on diapers at night. I'm 70 years old, they did this to me at 17 years old, and I'm still angry over it. I'm still in diapers because the alarm doesn't address the root cause, only a symptom. A more accurate slogan would be Break your child of bed wetting by breaking your child.

Hugs,

Freta

@FretaBWet

I love your description, but that device is a torture device. It is prescribed by the twisted civil servants - continence nurses - due to their lack of knowledge and/or care. The think that they have to do something to help a child who bedwets, and precribing this torture device is something, so they do it and think that they help.

Actually, this device sounds when it even smells water - and wakes the child. This trains the child to wake when it wets, not before it wets. Therefore it disturbs the sleep cause a woken wet child can't get back asleep until it strips and remakes the bed to wet again and wake again. Its design is flawed. It is similar to Pavlov dogs, who were trained to salivate at the sound of a bell, but this has zero gain to the child. It gets to a stage when even if it is removed, the child still wets and then wakes up to realize that it is wet - gets depressed and annoyed, gets up to replace bed clothes etc., goes back to sleep and repeats this torture forever.

I am not surprised that you are still in diapers, and I'd guess that you still partially wake after you wet your diapers at night - but time has made that less of a problem.

[FretaBWet]

@babykeiffI do still wake every time I wet at night but I have gotten good at falling right back to sleep.

Hugs,

Freta

[babykeiff]

1 minute ago, FretaBWet said:

@babykeiffI do still wake every time I wet at night but I have gotten good at falling right back to sleep.

Hugs,

Freta

Hugs back at you, and I am happy for you that you have learnt to handle the Pavlov dog training, if not defeat it.

[Kawaharu]

17 hours ago, ~Brian~ said:

But the kid be the kid and let them tell you what they need within reason, and if they need help you help them that's what a parent does. When A kid is ready, they will let you know, when they're emotionally ready physically ready psychologically ready and to have the ability to know the difference between wet and dry and clean and dirty, and they don't like a dirty diaper and they don't like wet pants, the best way to do that is to just help them so that they will learn in an appropriate timeline. Potty training should not be something that is done within 2 1/2 years and quickly put in the background because his parents don't wanna deal with it anymore. If you have brothers and sisters and they have worn diapers most of their lives, a mother gets used to having to change diapers or being able to deal with people that are bed wetters. It's just a fact of life. She tells us that training is a trap, and I think the trap is that the kid is expected to train and be able to be dry by a certain amount of time set by what society thinks is appropriate. Darn society, they don't know what is appropriate for certain children, only the parent and the child know that, and that's why when you wanna train a child, the parent might be ready, the child might not be, and guess who's gonna win? It's gonna be the child, because they're gonna rebel they're gonna make a mess and they're gonna do it because they can get away with it because they don't wanna do it any more! That's why you have to be ready for people who might be resistant to training. It can be done, but it can't be done on the fly within say three years unless you have a parent a child and a support system that can help that child to succeed, and to be ready for back steps and to be put in a situation where you might have to put them back in diapers for a time being because of some traumatic incident. That's what happens in life, potty training is not the easiest thing in the world to master, especially when you are in a wheelchair and you can't get to the bathroom or you can't get out of your wheelchair and you can't get the assistance, so you have your aids taking you to the bathroom bathing you cleaning you changing you Etcetera. I've done that I know what it's like i've been the guy that's in the bed having diapers change and been put in a chair and then strapped down or force fed or whatever it is because they want me to eat, or they want me to do something, and if I don't they sometimes threaten me with violence, basically the violence is I don't do this and I get told on, then my parents get after me! Once the parents realize that it's a losing battle, they will understand that the only way a child is going to be ready is when they are ready, you have to be behind them giving them the push maybe, but you should not force them.  Parents should strongly suggest, but they have the option of letting their kids learn at their own speed, and some kids like she said can't potty train because they don't have the emotional readiness or the physical readiness or the whatever readiness that they need to be able to know that they're wet and they need to be changed or they're wet and they don't like it! When you're wearing a diaper those things don't apply, but you know that you have a dirty diaper or you know you have a wet 1, you just change it and you move on, but for a kid there is nothing more humiliating and embarrassing sometimes than having a wet diaper, and I get that, and it might be bad for the parents cause it's embarrassing for them but think of the kid who asked to deal with that, and if it be easier for a kid to wear diapers for a while that is a lot easier to deal with than to have somebody be so traumatized by being forced to do something they're not ready for. Dry beds are more important than wet beds, and being able to sleep nights in dry accommodations is more important than having something set up where a kid is learning to potty train by knowing what wetness is. All I can tell you is I've slept in wet beds and it's not comfortable and it doesn't smell too good either! I'm just saying like what it is: kids are only kids once in their lives, and they're only going to be able to get away with certain things for a certain amount of time before things change and they have more responsibilities to deal with.

For me, I do think if the kid wets the bed, I would not force potty training on them and let them guide the parents whenever they are ready for potty training. If they don't want to be potty trained and be kept in diapers, then the kid should not be shamed or humiliated. The kid should let the parents know when they want to be potty trained and if the kid is comfortable in diapers, then they should be supported.

[rusty pins]

Parent's are doing their kids a disservice if they do not try and help them overcome bedwetting.  REMEMBER!  THIS IS AN AB/DL WEBSITE AND LIFESTYLE AND FOR ADULTS- NOT CHILDREN!  Even though most of us like wearing diapers, that's where it should end where our kid are concerned!  You really think you are helping them go through life if you just let them bedwet or worse, don't potty train them?  How many members here have horror stories of being teased as kids in school by others who found out they wet the bed, wet or mess their pants or wear diapers?  How did you all feel AT THAT TIME?  Humiliated, upset and hurt.  Most likely that helped you develop the fetishes you have now as an adult, but it's just wrong to inflict those same horror and humiliation on your own kids!  SHAME!  Some kids and teens have even committed suicide over the bullying and cyber bullying.  You don't care enough about your kid that it may happen to them if you don't step in and help them overcome their bed wetting?   They are not mature adults like you who have made the choices you have to wear diapers and do baby play.  When they become adults themselves, maybe they will become AB's but to shun your parental responsibilities and just not potty train them or try to help them overcome wetting their bed is nothing more than abuse.  I'm ashamed and disgusted by anyone who feels if their children want to just wear diapers, let them!  It makes me sick just thinking about a parent not helping their kid overcome bed wetting or taking the stance, "Let them wear diapers all their life if that's what they want".  If your 7 year old want's to go out for a walk in Central Park at 1am, you going to let him?  You gonna give him several shots of whiskey too?  Why not give him your car keys and tell him, "Take a nice drive on the interstate".  May as well let him to drop out of school, too, if that's what he wants to do.  Yeah, that's really a way to guide him through a good and proper life!

When it comes to your children, keep your fetishes out of their life!

[FretaBWet]

@rusty pinsI feel a lot of anger in your post above and I assume you have your reasons. I do however disagree with your views. Your opinion seems to be that parents who don’t actively work to help their child outgrow bed wetting are abusive. My parents had my genitals butchered at around age 11 because he told them surgery would cure me. It didn’t. In my personal opinion that is abuse. My parents did not diaper me at night long after 4 because my younger sister was born when I was about 3. Growing up soaking my bed like a biblical flood without diapers left me with severe diaper rash on the inside of both thighs from the urine pooling when sleeping on my back with my legs together. Think about the teasing and bullying I received in gym class when I had to shower and my thighs had painful very large and visible diaper rashes. In my personal opinion this was abusive. My parents belief that they were doing the right thing does not make what they did less abusive. At 17 they continued the quest for the cure by using a bed wetter alarm. I see a correlation between the events at 11 and 17. That correlation is that in one instance they were sold a bill of goods by a surgeon that made money and in the second instance they were sold a bill of goods by a corporation that made money. Neither one was helpful.

Did you take any time to see what the AMA says about curing enuresis? Or maybe looking at what Pediatricians say about what to do? None of my 3 children we’re bed wetters, but I can tell you that I would have handled it completely opposite. I would have kept them in diapers at night, I would have told them it’s not their fault, I would have told them I was a bed wetter and I understand how it feels. If they came to me as an adult and told me they had a diaper fetish I would not have any guilt over how I handled it. In the end I think you are doing a disservice to parents. I just don’t see how helping your child deal with bed wetting by having them wear diapers to bed equates to pushing your fetish onto them.

Hugs,

Freta

[babykeiff]

1 hour ago, rusty pins said:

Parent's are doing their kids a disservice if they do not try and help them overcome bedwetting.  REMEMBER!  THIS IS AN AB/DL WEBSITE AND LIFESTYLE AND FOR ADULTS- NOT CHILDREN!  Even though most of us like wearing diapers, that's where it should end where our kid are concerned!  You really think you are helping them go through life if you just let them bedwet or worse, don't potty train them?  How many members here have horror stories of being teased as kids in school by others who found out they wet the bed, wet or mess their pants or wear diapers?  How did you all feel AT THAT TIME?  Humiliated, upset and hurt.  Most likely that helped you develop the fetishes you have now as an adult, but it's just wrong to inflict those same horror and humiliation on your own kids!  SHAME!  Some kids and teens have even committed suicide over the bullying and cyber bullying.  You don't care enough about your kid that it may happen to them if you don't step in and help them overcome their bed wetting?   They are not mature adults like you who have made the choices you have to wear diapers and do baby play.  When they become adults themselves, maybe they will become AB's but to shun your parental responsibilities and just not potty train them or try to help them overcome wetting their bed is nothing more than abuse.  I'm ashamed and disgusted by anyone who feels if their children want to just wear diapers, let them!  It makes me sick just thinking about a parent not helping their kid overcome bed wetting or taking the stance, "Let them wear diapers all their life if that's what they want".  If your 7 year old want's to go out for a walk in Central Park at 1am, you going to let him?  You gonna give him several shots of whiskey too?  Why not give him your car keys and tell him, "Take a nice drive on the interstate".  May as well let him to drop out of school, too, if that's what he wants to do.  Yeah, that's really a way to guide him through a good and proper life!

When it comes to your children, keep your fetishes out of their life!

I agree with what you say, but I think that you might be over reacting a bit with little information.

Did @Kawaharu mean when toilet training a child first and dealing with primary nocturnal enuresis, OR when dealing with secondary nocturnal enuresis.

When it is primary, the child never had night time control, so leaving them in diapers at night until they get to the stage where they can be trained is the right process. When it is secondary, this is where diapers must not be used, and would comply with what you stated.

[foreverdl]

On 9/27/2023 at 4:40 PM, ~Brian~ said:

@babykeiff

Well I do understand that there are people who are trying to learn how not to wet the bed, my brother's when they were younger did it a few times, and my younger brother's Dan and Eric did it for awhile, and one of the things that we did in the family is that we would help them if they needed it, and we didn't give them hell if they went to bed because it was not their fault. We always used to help them by reminding them to go to the bathroom before going to bed and my parents used to wake them up in the middle of night, or more appropriately at like 10:30 11 at night so that they could use the bathroom so they would have dry beds. Even when that was the accepted practice in our house, there are still wet beds in the morning, because that was something that was because they might not have had the appropriate amount of hormone to stop urine production at night i'm not sure if that was an issue or not. My main concern is that children should not be forced to learn to not wet the bed by having to endure wet sheets all the time because that can lead to rashes and whole bunch of stuff. If a kid needs to learn to do that, person needs to be ready for accidents and when somebody is bed wetting because they have no recollection of it or they have no control, the best way to help them is to allow them to get enough sleep. Part of the reason why I have been having problems with sleeping since 2019 is because I'm constantly in the bathroom all night long and I can't help it i'm just sitting on the toilet waiting for something to happen and I'm losing hours and hours of sleep.

When you have somebody that is a bed wetter that is trying to learn, the idea here is you have to be patient with them and understanding. If you stick our bed wedding pad under them, And they keep wetting the bed, that indicates to me that there is more of a situation that needs to be looked at. People don't have the bladder capacity to be able to hold it all night, and there are people that wear diapers to bed at night, including my brothers for a while because it was easy to change a diaper than it would be to change the sheets.

@FretaBWet Is correct: when you're trying to learn not to bed wet or you're trying to teach your children not to do that, the best thing to do is to not make a big deal out of it and not make it like a punishment if they don't make it to the bathroom. However, if for some reason they continue to do this on a regular basis, some parents would automatically determine that it probably be easier for them to wear diapers, and eventually when they learn that it's a lot easier than having a wet bed it'd probably be a lot less trauma to them. Childhood only lasts for so long, and being a child is a time when you can get away with things, even if you are responsible for your younger brothers your younger sisters maybe doing some chores around the house, but childhood only lasts for so long and the innocence only lasts for about 14 to 15 years before you may have to do work or be able to help your family or whatever. It's embarrassing to most children to have to deal with a wet bed and it's also embarrassing to deal with a wet diaper, but if I was a kid and I was in this condition I would end up advocating for diapers because it's a lot easier on someone to be able to help you so you're not dealing with wet beds. When you have a wet bed and you have to get up in the middle of the night and change it, we've had to do that on occasion, it takes over an hour for somebody to change the bed sometimes, unless of course you are very good at it and you can do it in less than 10. My step mom was really good at it and she was also very accepting.

I agree with her that having trouble with bed wetting is not exactly what people are wanting to have happen: no one really wants to probably Wet the bed, but that is something that we can't control. Just like a baby can't control when it has to use their diaper. Diaper is there to help them, and I have had friends that have worn diapers until they are 13 14 or so, and that is because they do not have the batter capacity or the muscle control to be able to control what's going on. Person doesn't have that control, then asking them to sleep in wet beds when they release in the middle of night is not a practical solution, and I'm not denying what you're saying when you're saying that kids learn and sometimes they have accidents and if you have a few accidents, you may finally learn that oops I better get up before I have an accident, but some kids don't do that, and to me it's not fair to the kid that is wet in the middle of the night and is miserable and probably cold and everything else. If I was a parent I would probably understand that, and I would be ready to accept them if they want to wear diapers at night. Wearing a diaper at night is no different than wearing  Underwear, except the underwear that most people wear is not absorbent, while a diaper is a form of absorbent underwear. A poor kid that is having that trouble, they don't have the time nor the patience and they probably would probably be in a lot of trouble because they cannot figure out how they're wedding the bed or why, and they just feel awful. Parents that punished the kids because they wet the beds or because they don't want them in diapers any more, that's ridiculous! Freeta being 70 years old, she's right: there's no reason to end up eliciting trauma on a child because they don't or can't get to the bathroom on time, and it's a lot easier to walk into somebody's room help them change a diaper, help them change their wet clothes and it takes like maybe 10 minutes? I've done it myself when I've wet a onesie all the way down and I have a wet diaper underneath I take a wet wet onesie off and then I take a wet diaper off and I know that I flooded it. The difference here is I let my body go, because it is a lot easier to deal with this and accept that that is what you're dealing with, rather than to try to find a way to stop something that isn't stoppable, by any normal means. Embarrassing a child into not wetting The bed is not an appropriate response, and while I agree that a child should learn as they grow older that they need to take care of this problem as much as they can by themselves, wearing diapers is not a punishment and should not be thought of as such.

There are plenty of children out there that probably don't have the control of their bladders or bowels. If they don't have this control and you're trying to teach them, you have to teach probably one skill at a time, and then eventually they will learn that they don't want wet pants. They don't want wet sheets, and they don't want wet beds cause they would have to sleep in it all night. The purpose of a diaper or plastic sheets is so that they can take care of this immediately, and most kids that have this trouble probably also have had bad rash because they've been dealing with wet clothing. Done it myself where I have wet something on and then you end up with red splotches and red marks all over the place because you end up waiting too long or you don't realize that you're that wet.

I feel bad for Any child, including @FretaBWet, Who had to go through this Many kids don't realize that night time dryness and daytime dryness are two different skills, and even when a kid can't pass potty training, or is having difficulty with it, you don't hold it over their head and make them feel bad because they have wet something. If you have to use diapers as a way to take care of a problem, then you do it. Earned as a member here on DD that there are so many people that wear diapers for many reasons and not one of them that I can fathom would automatically condemn somebody not to wear diapers simply because it would be embarrassing for them. They would probably want a dry diaper and maybe a pacifier or a dry bed every night when they get into it. And I don't understand why the stigmas are still there. Kids do have accidents, kids do have problems being able to stay dry, and some kids like me were disabled, so it took a long time for me to learn how to stay dry and my brothers were wearing diapers until almost 4, because they just couldn't keep dry and it was acceptable for them to wear diapers because it was easier for them to keep dry. You just drop a diaper and then you wipe them off in 5 seconds rather than having them all wet. I wouldn't wish this type of problem on anyone, but it happens to people that you always remember. Suzanne Somers, Michael Landon and others have had the same problem with bed wetting, And what I understand is that they were able to deal with it in their own special way, but If I was a parent, I would give the kid a choice: I would say that I would think that  I Think they might need diapers, diapers and it's not because I'm trying to be mean, I'm trying to be loving, and I would help them as much as I can. places are gonna be going Washington dc we're gonna  This way they can learn that what I'm trying to do is help them and not embarrass them, and if diapers were so easily acceptable that it was just about as easy as Wiping up Something with a paper towel that has spilled, and the stigma wasn't there, then people wouldn't be so quick to make Comments about older kids being babies because they need diapers.

A diaper is like a support device. Take my wheelchair or my Walker or maybe my computer. Need those things in order to function properly. Eat those things until you don't need them anymore, but they're there to help you should they be necessary. If people would just accept that diapers are worn when necessary and when somebody thinks it would be helpful to a kid, and a kid would say OK let's do it, and it wasn't made to sound like it was the worst punishment in the world, more kids would be less traumatized by wearing diapers than if they were to just put them on and use them. I get that kids may not want the stigma of it, but I'd rather have a dry bed dry pants and a wet diaper then be having major problems with bad red rashes!

Of course the above is my opinion, and I stand by it. Children need to be able to be kids, because kids only kids from the time they are zero until the time they are 18 or maybe even 21 depending on their jurisdiction. One years can go just about as fast as 24 hours in some people's minds depending on how things go. Of course 21 years is 21 years, but I can tell you that time goes by real fast and you might not have a chance to turn around and realize it before your kids are all grown up and gone. My opinion is let the kid be a kid, let the kid wear a diaper for as long as they need, or as long as a parent thinks it's appropriate and if a parent thinks it's appropriate and a kid thinks it's appropriate let him do it, because that way you don't have to worry about trauma they don't have to worry about trauma or the big bad potty monster!

I'm sure that people such as @Kawaharu would agree with that Sentiment. But the kid be the kid and let them tell you what they need within reason, and if they need help you help them that's what a parent does. When A kid is ready, they will let you know, when they're emotionally ready physically ready psychologically ready and to have the ability to know the difference between wet and dry and clean and dirty, and they don't like a dirty diaper and they don't like wet pants, the best way to do that is to just help them so that they will learn in an appropriate timeline. Potty training should not be something that is done within 2 1/2 years and quickly put in the background because his parents don't wanna deal with it anymore. If you have brothers and sisters and they have worn diapers most of their lives, a mother gets used to having to change diapers or being able to deal with people that are bed wetters. It's just a fact of life. She tells us that training is a trap, and I think the trap is that the kid is expected to train and be able to be dry by a certain amount of time set by what society thinks is appropriate. Darn society, they don't know what is appropriate for certain children, only the parent and the child know that, and that's why when you wanna train a child, the parent might be ready, the child might not be, and guess who's gonna win? It's gonna be the child, because they're gonna rebel they're gonna make a mess and they're gonna do it because they can get away with it because they don't wanna do it any more! That's why you have to be ready for people who might be resistant to training. It can be done, but it can't be done on the fly within say three years unless you have a parent a child and a support system that can help that child to succeed, and to be ready for back steps and to be put in a situation where you might have to put them back in diapers for a time being because of some traumatic incident. That's what happens in life, potty training is not the easiest thing in the world to master, especially when you are in a wheelchair and you can't get to the bathroom or you can't get out of your wheelchair and you can't get the assistance, so you have your aids taking you to the bathroom bathing you cleaning you changing you Etcetera. I've done that I know what it's like i've been the guy that's in the bed having diapers change and been put in a chair and then strapped down or force fed or whatever it is because they want me to eat, or they want me to do something, and if I don't they sometimes threaten me with violence, basically the violence is I don't do this and I get told on, then my parents get after me! Once the parents realize that it's a losing battle, they will understand that the only way a child is going to be ready is when they are ready, you have to be behind them giving them the push maybe, but you should not force them.  Parents should strongly suggest, but they have the option of letting their kids learn at their own speed, and some kids like she said can't potty train because they don't have the emotional readiness or the physical readiness or the whatever readiness that they need to be able to know that they're wet and they need to be changed or they're wet and they don't like it! When you're wearing a diaper those things don't apply, but you know that you have a dirty diaper or you know you have a wet 1, you just change it and you move on, but for a kid there is nothing more humiliating and embarrassing sometimes than having a wet diaper, and I get that, and it might be bad for the parents cause it's embarrassing for them but think of the kid who asked to deal with that, and if it be easier for a kid to wear diapers for a while that is a lot easier to deal with than to have somebody be so traumatized by being forced to do something they're not ready for. Dry beds are more important than wet beds, and being able to sleep nights in dry accommodations is more important than having something set up where a kid is learning to potty train by knowing what wetness is. All I can tell you is I've slept in wet beds and it's not comfortable and it doesn't smell too good either! I'm just saying like what it is: kids are only kids once in their lives, and they're only going to be able to get away with certain things for a certain amount of time before things change and they have more responsibilities to deal with.

What I'm saying here is let the kid be the kid, let the parent be the parent and let them be the guiding force but not the forcing force behind them being potty trained when it's convenient for the parents! I can tell you one thing right now, if it's kid versus parent and the kid doesn't warn a potty train, that kid will end up messing themselves or wetting Themselves in defiance and they won't stop until they get what they want, because they know that they can manipulate the situation. It's easier if the child and the parent can work together, and if it takes a longer time for a child to train, so be it but always have it as a thing that they can do in the back of their mind when they are ready. A parent can say I think you ought to eventually learn how to use the potty: parents can say that without feeling like that is a bad thing to do, cause most kids want to be able to be trained eventually, but it should be the kid that is the main drive of the force because they need to be ready before the parent can help them otherwise the parent training them is going to have to put him back in diapers in the first place.

Brian

I thank you for all of your comments on bedwetting of kids. My Brothers both wet the bed till teenagers, And then we had the normal Bad parents thinking 🤔 oh if we make them madd or abuse them then they will quit. Well it goes down the line. My son wet the bed till about age 11. I only kept a plastic sheet underneath his sheet. When He decided it was time to remove it and he had gotten better control of his bladder by around age 11. But I Never spanked him, or forced him into diapers,, etc. I am in agreement with you. It's a body waiting to catch up and when or if it will stop so Be it. If he still wet even now at mid 30's I would have No issues with it....

[Kawaharu]

7 hours ago, babykeiff said:

I agree with what you say, but I think that you might be over reacting a bit with little information.

Did @Kawaharu mean when toilet training a child first and dealing with primary nocturnal enuresis, OR when dealing with secondary nocturnal enuresis.

When it is primary, the child never had night time control, so leaving them in diapers at night until they get to the stage where they can be trained is the right process. When it is secondary, this is where diapers must not be used, and would comply with what you stated.

What I meant was to deal with the bed-wetting issue. Some kids who have disabilities may never be potty trained and could be in diapers or pull-ups for life. For example, autistic kids, kids with intellectual disabilities, and kids with physical disabilities.

I just think that kids who have bed-wetting issues should stay diapered or pull-ups until the bed-wetting issue is solved

[drynot]

My parents had no issues with me wearing diapers due to bedwetting problems.  I'm sure it was because my mom didn't want to deal with wet sheets.  And really...I can't blame her.

I can see how a bedwetting alarm would be quite invasive for most kids....however I can imagine a scenario where kinky adults might like to incorporate it into their ABDL play.

[Kawaharu]

My parents never had any issues with me wearing diapers. They always kept me in them cause they knew I had problems with potty training and knew that diapers made it easier for me. It's why I was kept diapered, even when I was in college.

[rusty pins]

Plain and simple.  My views are anyone who lets his kid decide they just want to wear diapers instead of being potty trained are abusers.  Parent's should not allow a 7 year old or older kid make the decision they just want to stay in diapers.  Likewise a parent should do what they can to help a child overcome bedwetting, aside from medical situations where a child can't help it.  Goodnites and UnderJams are a tool to help, but while using them it's not to say the parents shouldn't try things that can help their kid learn to stay dry at night. 

It's the attitude I'm angry at, not so much the situation of a kid who wets their bed.  The, "If they decide they want to wet the bed and/or wear diapers instead of using the toilet or being toilet trained, let them.  That's perfectly OK with me".  No, that's not OK and I do get angry with that attitude.  Let me come right out and ask Mikey.  One rule of this site is not to involve actual children.  Isn't an AB or DL member's decision to just let their kid wear diapers instead of being toilet trained involving children in this lifestyle?  Not those with disabilities or true medical issues, but perfectly normal healthy children who's parents feel it's perfectly alright if their kids don't want to be toilet trained and just let them wear and use diapers instead.

[babykeiff]

On 9/28/2023 at 10:04 PM, FretaBWet said:

@rusty pinsI feel a lot of anger in your post above and I assume you have your reasons. I do however disagree with your views. Your opinion seems to be that parents who don’t actively work to help their child outgrow bed wetting are abusive. My parents had my genitals butchered at around age 11 because he told them surgery would cure me. It didn’t. In my personal opinion that is abuse. My parents did not diaper me at night long after 4 because my younger sister was born when I was about 3. Growing up soaking my bed like a biblical flood without diapers left me with severe diaper rash on the inside of both thighs from the urine pooling when sleeping on my back with my legs together. Think about the teasing and bullying I received in gym class when I had to shower and my thighs had painful very large and visible diaper rashes. In my personal opinion this was abusive. My parents belief that they were doing the right thing does not make what they did less abusive. At 17 they continued the quest for the cure by using a bed wetter alarm. I see a correlation between the events at 11 and 17. That correlation is that in one instance they were sold a bill of goods by a surgeon that made money and in the second instance they were sold a bill of goods by a corporation that made money. Neither one was helpful.

Did you take any time to see what the AMA says about curing enuresis? Or maybe looking at what Pediatricians say about what to do? None of my 3 children we’re bed wetters, but I can tell you that I would have handled it completely opposite. I would have kept them in diapers at night, I would have told them it’s not their fault, I would have told them I was a bed wetter and I understand how it feels. If they came to me as an adult and told me they had a diaper fetish I would not have any guilt over how I handled it. In the end I think you are doing a disservice to parents. I just don’t see how helping your child deal with bed wetting by having them wear diapers to bed equates to pushing your fetish onto them.

Hugs,

Freta

@FretaBWet

I feel for you and what you went through as a child - that was abusive from the start not only the actions of you parents, but also the inactions.

In relation to your choice of diapering a child for bedwetting after they have been dry is not addressing and/or helping the child. That is abusive as it is preventing the child from achieving a development milestone. I know that some see that leaving a child to wake up in a wet bed as abusive, diapers or any version of infantile garb encourages child to regress, and not mature.

The plastic sheet on the bed to create the flood and leave a child in a soaked bed is also child abuse. There is a compramise that addresses both issues without diapers, and that is an absorbant pad under the child combined with waking the child just before they wet the bed at night the first time. If this was done with you, you would have learnt to wake just before you wet - as what the child will learn.

I can see @rusty pins views, but I also think that he is also linking an adult discussion about bedwetting to AB as a fetish. We here are over the age of 18, and are adults first. Yes, it is incorrect to entice a child, either by action or inaction to become an AB or DL, but nobody here in their right mind would want to do that.

Simply, any form of infantile supporting behaviour (diapers, pull ups, bedwetting pants etc) being given to a child to wet while in bed after they have achieved night time control is child abuse as it is telling the child that it is acceptable for it to wet at night. The child already knows that it is not, and that adds to its stress levels. One supporting that action convinces the child that it is OK to wet. This does NOT help the child in any form.

As I said earlier, any action and/or inaction that doesn't help the child attain night time control IS ABUSE.

Therefore, keeping a child in diapers after the achived night time control due to them wetting at night expecting time to be a healer is silly. The child has zero encentive to control their bladder - so that action is enticing a child to become totally diaper dependant.

@Kawaharu, I can understand the decision of your parents to keep you in diapers - you never attained primary control maybe due to other issues. Could that be why you think that putting a prior trained child in diapers for bed wetting a valid option? Yes, it can make it easier for the child to deal with it - but the child SHOULDN'T be dealing with it - the parent should, and acting in a way to entice the child to attain night time control.

A wet bed, wet sheets & blankets and should not be part of the equation. After all, we all have washing machines - and that is the duty of a parent to wash clothes, not a 3-18 year old child! A parent needs to be attentive to their childs needs, and assist them as needed. A bed wetting child needs the parents help - and if that means that the parent needs to sit at the edge of the childs bed all night watching when the child wets - and the parent should know the childs actions to notice it - and then lift the child before it wets, that is exactly what the parent needs to do.

[Kawaharu]

1 hour ago, rusty pins said:

Plain and simple.  My views are anyone who lets his kid decide they just want to wear diapers instead of being potty trained are abusers.  Parent's should not allow a 7 year old or older kid make the decision they just want to stay in diapers.  Likewise a parent should do what they can to help a child overcome bedwetting, aside from medical situations where a child can't help it.  Goodnites and UnderJams are a tool to help, but while using them it's not to say the parents shouldn't try things that can help their kid learn to stay dry at night. 

It's the attitude I'm angry at, not so much the situation of a kid who wets their bed.  The, "If they decide they want to wet the bed and/or wear diapers instead of using the toilet or being toilet trained, let them.  That's perfectly OK with me".  No, that's not OK and I do get angry with that attitude.  Let me come right out and ask Mikey.  One rule of this site is not to involve actual children.  Isn't an AB or DL member's decision to just let their kid wear diapers instead of being toilet trained involving children in this lifestyle?  Not those with disabilities or true medical issues, but perfectly normal healthy children who's parents feel it's perfectly alright if their kids don't want to be toilet trained and just let them wear and use diapers instead.

If you think that's abuse, then you must be okay with Parents sexually transitioning their kids as young as 5 years old into the opposite sex.

[FretaBWet]

@babykeiffI think you misunderstand my position. I wouldn't put my children "back" into diapers at night if they had acheived primary continence at night and then lapsed back at a later time. I meant that as long as they had not acheived nighttime continence yet I would keep them in whatever protection that was best suited to the need.

As far as achieving nighttime continence and then lapsing, as a parent that would signal a trip to the doctor. I would be very worried it could be something serious or something that could be fixed.

@rusty pinsI think you too must have misinterpurpreted what was being said to an extent. Nobody brought real children into this site nor do I see where anyone advocated allowing perfectly healthy children to just decide to not toilet train at all.

I would like to point out that I have dealt with this my whole life. I have a diaper fetish because of it. I'm okay with that but I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. I have good self esteem as an adult but I had none growing up because of my bladder issues. That is the reason I would never shame or punish any of my children for something that wasn't their fault. Even if their pediatrician can't find a reason for bed wetting, that does not mean the child is doing it on purpose. When you have a random few nights a year where you wake up dry and your parents tell you see, you can stay dry like you're too lazy to get out of bed, that doesn't help.

Hugs,

Freta

[babykeiff]

20 hours ago, FretaBWet said:

@babykeiffI think you misunderstand my position. I wouldn't put my children "back" into diapers at night if they had acheived primary continence at night and then lapsed back at a later time. I meant that as long as they had not acheived nighttime continence yet I would keep them in whatever protection that was best suited to the need.

As far as achieving nighttime continence and then lapsing, as a parent that would signal a trip to the doctor. I would be very worried it could be something serious or something that could be fixed.

@FretaBWet, I did misunderstand your views, and appologize. I fully 100% agree with the idea of keeping a child in diapers at night until they attain primary night time control. This happens almost automatically after a child is toilet trained daytime as the child is learning to stretch its bladder etc.. After all, a child is in diapers day & night until they attain control and it would be silly/abuse just to remove diapers altogether if a baby/child is still weetting/messing day/night.

In relation to secondary loss (bedwetting after being dry at night) this is a common issue with children triggered by stress/puberty/growth spurt etc., and medical consultation is advisable, however the common medication used makes it worse - but that is the medical industry. The child will, with focus and help, relearn the signals. As a result, diapers and/or any infantile protection involved is abuse. An undersheet and lifting the child before it wets the first time teaches the chlild to wake from the signals. Letting it sleep through the second & subsequent wettings may seem cruel, but the alternative is diapers or reducing the childs sleep quantity, both actions are wrong. A parent may loose some sleep watching their childs signals to lift it, but that is what is needed for the childs gain.

Every baby/child before they wet/mess their diapers when asleep, move from being fully relaxed to spreading their legs, maybe spreading their toes or placing feet flat on the bed, and usually roll onto their back. A prior dry overnight bedwetting child does exactly the same, but due to them being in too deep a sleep, don't wake up before wetting. A parent needs to intervene and lift the child, who will wake. This is teaching the mind that it needs to wake from these signals, which the mind learns very fast, usually after lifting the child 2-4 nights. It may not be perfect, i.e. the child might weep urine a little after the 2-4 nights, or wet as they wake the next morning, but that will go as soon as the bladder etc gets stronger / used to the capacity.