How would you classify your incontinence desires?

[cathdiap]

No matter how much I enjoy living the incontinent life, no matter how happy I am with my home made stent. it still feels like I am following instructions of an external force that entered my mind some 45 year ago. I was 11 yo when I discovered a friend from school that I played with was wearing diapers due to a birth defect. Out of nowhere it became an obsession. I wanted to become incontinent as well, I wanted to be diaper dependent. No thought process, no rational decision, no time needed to let it sink in, it was just a switch that went on immediately, never to be switched off again.

So thanks to my stent I learned to cope with it, but given that I quite often dislike this fetish, I consider it an external force that has set me on this path. Option 3.

How about you?

 

[stevewet]

There was a lad in our class who always head a wet patch in his shorts and I just wanted to be like him so started wetting deliberately just enough to feel a little wet and not be noticed. I never knew if he did it on purpose but he just didn't seem to care. My aunt cleaned at there house and told me that both he and is older sister wet the bed most nights. 

His sister wore a dress so it was not possible to see if she wet her self during the day. 

[Bret2]

Excellent survey question, thanks for adding!

[Hannah YMS]

I voted "Other".

I'm trying hard to think about this right now, it's been so long...

I guess it was between 15 to 20 years ago. I've been into diapers ever since my first memories, had no name for it, and didn't learn what it meant until I was a teenager. At the time I discovered ABDL (back when the term AB/DL was both slashed "/" and quite new) I knew I needed to be in diapers in a legit way. I just took the ball and ran with it. It wasn't until my earlier years of college that the nagging feeling of a full bladder and the innate desire of wishing I were incontinent began to sink in. Over time I became obsessed over it. That's when catheters came into the picture. I couldn't help but feeling relieved at the idea that not having any control was ideal for me. I didn't understand it in terms of "incontinence desires" or BID/BIID but the nagging feeling in the back of my mind slowly grew and at one point, near the birth of my kiddo (no relation to incontinence desires, just laying out a timeline), it became an almost unhealthy obsession, for the lack of a better word. And it grew and grew. Once the idea solidified in my mind that I needed to be incontinent the "desire" just never went away, and I've spent the better part of the last 10 years working toward this goal in one way or another. Almost 5 or 6 years ago I decided I had had enough of not doing anything about it when I discovered the 12 month program. I didn't realize such a thing was possibly possible, so I intermittently committed to it but struggled to maintain untraining due to unaddressed shame surrounding my diaper fetish and everything it entailed. Nearly 3 years ago I went full time with consistent active untraining until this day. While I am not yet at the level of incontinence I desire to be, there definitely have been some changes. Every day I think about it. Every day I have to self talk myself into being patient. Every day I am secretly disappointed that I'm not there yet. I am slowly becoming comfortable with the idea that I may never get what I truly want without some drastic measure. Only time will tell the results.

TL;DR: I'd say "an unconscious desire that snuck up on me and has strongly persisted since without understanding why until many years later."

[cathdiap]

17 minutes ago, Hannah YMS said:

Every day I have to self talk myself into being patient. Every day I am secretly disappointed that I'm not there yet. I am slowly becoming comfortable with the idea that I may never get what I truly want without some drastic measure. Only time will tell the results.

Thank you for your contribution. It almost made me sad to read about your struggles. I wish I could help, but I know we all have to deal with it in a way that we are comfortable with. I hope you will eventually get what you want.

[Hannah YMS]

9 hours ago, cathdiap said:

Thank you for your contribution. It almost made me sad to read about your struggles. I wish I could help, but I know we all have to deal with it in a way that we are comfortable with. I hope you will eventually get what you want.

My pleasure. I don't mean to garner sadness or anything from anyone; in fact I sort of feel like most of us (and I'd also assume you, but you know what they say about assumptions...) go through something similar. I think most of us experience some sort of dysphoria to varying degrees regarding our continence and we're all just trying to figure out a way to get what we want or find support from others and cope with it. People like you did something about it and have contributed valuable information and time to using an alternative such as stents. I'm trying to psych myself up to getting back in the stent game, so we'll see. Thank you for also what you have contributed!

[dlnoir]

 

I find it somewhat hard to determine how thing came to be as I comes to my incontinence desire. As far as I can remember I always wanted to be back in diapers, and I wanted to use them for their intended purpose but only for number one. I was back in diapers by the age of three years old but I  can’t say I had thoughts of becoming incontinent as a child the concept of incontinence was something I was unfamiliar with. I was well in my thirties when I discovered I wasn’t the only one with this rather strange desire to wear and use diapers. All that time the feeling of wearing and using was out of balance so to say. I went to bed woke up dry just didn’t feel right, still doesn’t. Needless to say I did use my diapers but had to use them with intent to do so. In 2006 I ordered some plastic pants and such in Germany but something went wrong in the order I placed, they shipped a box of catheters along with my order. From that point on things changed rapidly. Needless to say by that time I was familiar with the term incontinence and what is was, that sounded very appealing to me. This said I didn’t know how to induce incontinence without causing massive harm to an otherwise healthy body. Catheter play changed all that in an instance from that point on I found what I missed all these years. Soon thereafter I learned how to make stents which made the experience so much better as you can feel yourself pee without having any control over it and the rest is history. Nowadays I use my stent almost 24/7 only take it out to clean. I wouldn’t consider to take it any steps further than this as I am very content with the solution as is. So to get back on topic, in a way it has always been there, but once I found a method to achieve incontinence without causing bodily harm it took some sort of control over me most likely to never leave again and I am fine with that.

[Craig]

Here’s a different way of answering your great question:. How would I classify my incontinence desires? Fun, lifelong persistent, and with some ups and downs, intense.

[FretaBWet]

I chose other myself. I didn't exactly choose incontinence it more or less chose me. Being a bed wetter and also having daytime issues I always struggled with keeping dry. Longing for diapers has been a lifetime thing with me due to my issues.

Hugs,

Freta

[~Brian~]

4 minutes ago, FretaBWet said:

I chose other myself. I didn't exactly choose incontinence it more or less chose me. Being a bed wetter and also having daytime issues I always struggled with keeping dry. Longing for diapers has been a lifetime thing with me due to my issues.

Hugs,

Freta

@FretaBWet

I chose other myself. The reason I did that is because my incontinence was based on my disability, which is not really covered in the choices I don't believe. Misunderstanding the survey itself, but my incontinence is based on my disability, and it became necessary for me to start wearing diapers because of that incontinence. Realized that after wearing diapers fur as long as I had, it makes sense for me to wear diapers 24/7, this way I don't have to worry about having accidents, I can sleep night, I don't have to worry about stress or worries or anything, because they're there for me. I guess you can say that part of my diaper lover status is because of the fact that when you're a kid and you're disabled and you're in a care facility, most of the kids in the 70s were probably just known to be disabled, and in order for us to be mobile they had us using wheelchairs, and they wanted us to be safe so the first thing they do is they have us use a wheelchair, then you end up losing the ability to move the way you used to, and the next thing that happens is your wheelchair bound and then diapered 24/7 and then your base response is to be incontinent, and I believe that is called functional force incontinence, because they don't want to or they might be too busy too or they might be too lazy to take you to the bathroom. With the amount of people that it takes to take care of kids in a facility, then I think the reason why they do that is to keep everybody safe, but then of course you end up with people who are incontinent. When you wear diapers all the time when you're a kid, especially if you're in rehab, and that's what they expect you to do of course you're going to be functionally incontinent because of the situation.

Because of my disability, I've noticed that for 47 years, I was able to deal with using the bathroom pretty well, I'd have accidents rarely, but they still happen, but then you end up with losing sleep getting up at 5 in the morning, having everything fall in your lap as far as worrying yourself to death and a whole bunch of things that you shouldn't have to worry about. Me wearing diapers saves a lot of wear and tear on my body it saves wear and tear on my soul and it makes it a lot easier for me to be able to function. So I chose other because my disability is the reason for my incontinence, and I would have a legitimate right anyway to wear diapers either way even if I wasn't incontinent, but it also deals with the feelings of all of the things that I've dealt with, and keeps all those feelings and urges in check

I can say from experience that now that I'm wearing diapers full time, it's a lot easier for me to just let go when I need to, however there are times when using the toilet for number two is more effective, and that is because you would have an easier time cleaning up the mess if you use the toilet for number two versus using the diaper. However with diapers on if I need them they're there. I like diapers because they help me relax and it tells me that it's okay to use them. Many people understand that when you're disabled there are certain things you may not be able to do, but from all the things that I've learned there's very few things I can't do, and that is because of the way I was raised my mom and my dad always told me that I can do anything I want within reason, as long as I put my mind to it and if I really want it bad enough and I work hard enough for it, it may come to pass. All up to me and it's all up to what happens with my choices, but I consciously choose to wear diapers to help me deal with the situation, rather than to be told that I need to go be tested and figure out a way to stop it, and try to fix it, because as people have stated there's no way to fix this, because there's nothing to fix, if you're wearing diapers there's a reason, even if some people don't understand it there is a reason.

Like @FretaBWet, I knew that eventually because of my CP, that there may be a reason that I would be incontinent. I told the state that since I have a neurological disability, that it stands to reason that as you age things will change, whether it be your body whether it be your health whether it be something else. To me it's the next piece of the puzzle because you will have problems as you age, an incontinence is common for people with CP at least. If you cannot control your bladder or your bowels because of something that is neurological in your head, then that is a good reason to do what you're doing. I did what I did for a good reason, and I'm glad that I did, 'cause now I don't have to worry and I don't have to hide what or who I am. I like the fact that my diapers are there, and now I don't have to justify nor do I have to worry about it, of course the only thing that would have to change with that is if the state wanted to know why. I won the case with the diapers in all of my incontinence supplies because I told them that it was necessary, and that I needed the diapers I had, and everything that they sell nowadays is all clothed backed anyway in cloth backed diapers can cause problems even worse than the plastics. Plastic diapers also have appropriate absorption and appropriate padding, and also because of that they also should have halfway decent and normally do have halfway decent order control, otherwise the diaper is useless.

So as I said, just like Freta, Incontinence was something that I knew that it would probably happen, and I tried to deal with it as much as I could for as long as I did, and I think living for 51 years, and having dealt with incontinence desires urges and all of this, as well as actual incontinence for 47 years without a problem, that means to me that I've done the best I could, and diapers are what I use from now on. No one will tell me otherwise my incontinence is based on my disability, and I do have a reason, and no one would be able to tell me otherwise. It also deals with my sensations and my urges as well, and it also satisfies all of those, and not only that, the most important part is that I feel like I'm a whole, because a part of me was missing and I couldn't figure out how to get that piece back, because I was denying myself what I should have had all along, but I tried to hold back figuring that all these urges were based on things that happened in the past, and maybe they did, because that's why I'm a diaper lover but it also means That what happened to me was not a fluke, and I've learned that when you are wired the way you are, if you have those desires and those urges, then you deal with it that way or the best you can, and if you have those urges there's no way they're gonna go away from you that is a part of who you are, and I finally realized that when I was 47 that I needed help, and that's why I went to the doctor to ask for the diapers, and that's why I came here, because daily diapers is the best place for me, because they understand what's going on and they can give you support, and I respect every person that I have come in contact with that it's helped me make a decision and made my life better.

Before I close I want to thank all of you, because without all of my good friends and all of the support here, I would be one heck of a hurting unit! It is gratifying that I don't have to be like a ninja in the night, trying to hide something that is and still is part of me, but I had to repress it and suppress that, and I'm glad that I don't have to anymore.

@FretaBWet I also want to say that you have also been very helpful in an inspiration. People who go through what we go through on a daily basis understand what is going on.  Everybody has their reasons for wearing their diapers that they do, and everybody has a way to classify their incontinence, but sometimes classifications can be kind of crazy, but choosing other is also appropriate for me, because it's not like I woke up one day and said man I want to wear diapers, even if I did feel that way when I was 8 years old. Those urges and feelings never left, they've just been buried for so long because I did not want people to think I was a crazy old fool, because back in the day, I've heard stories from people like @Evelyn Dellcerro where she said that if she was to disclose her desires for diapers for whatever she was going through when she was 13, they would have probably taken her somewhere locked her up and tried to fix what is not needed to be fixed. I'm glad that people have finally come to the realization that diapers are helpful, and that's part of the reason why it's important that we keep on letting people know that it is not a crime to wear diapers there is no problem with wearing diapers, it's just the stupid stigmas that we keep getting hit with, everybody thinking diapers are terrible, or whatever it is, and people thinking that people are lazy? That's a bunch of hoohah: laziness has nothing to do with it, and I can guarantee you that if every person that was disabled was considered lazy, you'd have a bunch of people that would be jumping all over whoever was doing that. Incontinence is nothing to be afraid of, it is a badge of honor in a way, because you try to work so hard to help yourself, but then you realize incontinence will always be there, you just have to find the way to deal with it appropriately, and I feel as if I have I have done what I think is necessary and I'm glad for it.

Brian