My desire confuses me

[QueenDDesire]

Hi All,

I'm also one of the silent guests - so far.

Right now I strongly desire incontinece and bedwetting. I'm used to that, let me share my thoughts.

My diaper love started when I was a child, I grabbed the diapers from my sisters or used a tissue. Once my mum found my wet diaper, it was no fun.

 

Then many years passed without any thought about diapers.

After giving birth to my first child, the diapwr desire came back. I talked to my husband and he allowed me to wear diapers, so he also tried himself. But I'm not interested in watching, I want to wet and mess my diaper on my own. I like the warm comfy feeling and the loss of control.

Since I have a stressfull job, it's my way to balnce and calm down.

After beeing divorced (not connected to diapers) I had a new partner, great sex and no desire at all. But it came back and hit me really unexpected. I told him and he also allowed me to wear them. I have fantasies like beeing changed and wetting them 24/7. 

Now, all this is passed and for 4 years, I'm with my latest partner. He doesn't even know about my desire, but it is creeping back. Overwhelming me and my thougts, pushing me into wishes of bedwetting and wetting my pants to hear from him "you should wear a diaper"

While having sex, it really turns me on to imagine to be in a wet or messy diaper.

Right now I'm wearing a bif wet towel in my jeans, he is on a business trip for one week.

I don't dare to buy nappies, but I love betterdry diapers...

I wear big incontinence paddings while bleeding, of course due to the blood, but to be honest I wet them.

I'm really good conditoned, once in a diaper, I start using it without thinking. Only bed wetting isn't working.

I'd wish to be incontinent or even start with bed wetting, to wear diapers again.

I don't want to tell him I'm a DL. This would mean I have to ask to wear a nappy, I want to be dependent.

I also tried a catheter before, but it was a small one w/o block. 

I also thought about wetting the bed on purpose, because it would not harm anybody else beside him. 

What prevents me me from doing this? My grandma was incontinent and the smelled really bad. I don't want to smell like her :-(

So it's a big struggle and in the end I'm the looser, because my desire is after the expectations from society.

I admire all of you who gained self-incontinence! 

[Dprczyone]

My first thought is to tell them all about it. I didn't tell my wife before we were married, we've been together over 50 years, and it has been an up hill battle to get her to be ok with me wearing them. She knows it's just something that I like to do for a few days a week but she also knows if given the chance I'd wear 24/7. I think everyone who sees your post will tell you to be open and honest. It doesn't sound like it would be but I really believe it will be. We all know the desire doesn't go away totally and for me it becomes a craving if I don't get to wear. I wish you the best of luck.

[El Chancho]

On 5/23/2023 at 12:05 PM, QueenDDesire said:

Hi All,

I'm also one of the silent guests - so far.

Right now I strongly desire incontinece and bedwetting. I'm used to that, let me share my thoughts.

My diaper love started when I was a child, I grabbed the diapers from my sisters or used a tissue. Once my mum found my wet diaper, it was no fun.

 

Then many years passed without any thought about diapers.

After giving birth to my first child, the diapwr desire came back. I talked to my husband and he allowed me to wear diapers, so he also tried himself. But I'm not interested in watching, I want to wet and mess my diaper on my own. I like the warm comfy feeling and the loss of control.

Since I have a stressfull job, it's my way to balnce and calm down.

After beeing divorced (not connected to diapers) I had a new partner, great sex and no desire at all. But it came back and hit me really unexpected. I told him and he also allowed me to wear them. I have fantasies like beeing changed and wetting them 24/7. 

Now, all this is passed and for 4 years, I'm with my latest partner. He doesn't even know about my desire, but it is creeping back. Overwhelming me and my thougts, pushing me into wishes of bedwetting and wetting my pants to hear from him "you should wear a diaper"

While having sex, it really turns me on to imagine to be in a wet or messy diaper.

Right now I'm wearing a bif wet towel in my jeans, he is on a business trip for one week.

I don't dare to buy nappies, but I love betterdry diapers...

I wear big incontinence paddings while bleeding, of course due to the blood, but to be honest I wet them.

I'm really good conditoned, once in a diaper, I start using it without thinking. Only bed wetting isn't working.

I'd wish to be incontinent or even start with bed wetting, to wear diapers again.

I don't want to tell him I'm a DL. This would mean I have to ask to wear a nappy, I want to be dependent.

I also tried a catheter before, but it was a small one w/o block. 

I also thought about wetting the bed on purpose, because it would not harm anybody else beside him. 

What prevents me me from doing this? My grandma was incontinent and the smelled really bad. I don't want to smell like her 😞

So it's a big struggle and in the end I'm the looser, because my desire is after the expectations from society.

I admire all of you who gained self-incontinence! 

 

[El Chancho]

On 5/23/2023 at 12:05 PM, QueenDDesire said:

Hi All,

I'm also one of the silent guests - so far.

Right now I strongly desire incontinece and bedwetting. I'm used to that, let me share my thoughts.

My diaper love started when I was a child, I grabbed the diapers from my sisters or used a tissue. Once my mum found my wet diaper, it was no fun.

 

Then many years passed without any thought about diapers.

After giving birth to my first child, the diapwr desire came back. I talked to my husband and he allowed me to wear diapers, so he also tried himself. But I'm not interested in watching, I want to wet and mess my diaper on my own. I like the warm comfy feeling and the loss of control.

Since I have a stressfull job, it's my way to balnce and calm down.

After beeing divorced (not connected to diapers) I had a new partner, great sex and no desire at all. But it came back and hit me really unexpected. I told him and he also allowed me to wear them. I have fantasies like beeing changed and wetting them 24/7. 

Now, all this is passed and for 4 years, I'm with my latest partner. He doesn't even know about my desire, but it is creeping back. Overwhelming me and my thougts, pushing me into wishes of bedwetting and wetting my pants to hear from him "you should wear a diaper"

While having sex, it really turns me on to imagine to be in a wet or messy diaper.

Right now I'm wearing a bif wet towel in my jeans, he is on a business trip for one week.

I don't dare to buy nappies, but I love betterdry diapers...

I wear big incontinence paddings while bleeding, of course due to the blood, but to be honest I wet them.

I'm really good conditoned, once in a diaper, I start using it without thinking. Only bed wetting isn't working.

I'd wish to be incontinent or even start with bed wetting, to wear diapers again.

I don't want to tell him I'm a DL. This would mean I have to ask to wear a nappy, I want to be dependent.

I also tried a catheter before, but it was a small one w/o block. 

I also thought about wetting the bed on purpose, because it would not harm anybody else beside him. 

What prevents me me from doing this? My grandma was incontinent and the smelled really bad. I don't want to smell like her 😞

So it's a big struggle and in the end I'm the looser, because my desire is after the expectations from society.

I admire all of you who gained self-incontinence! 

My desire to become incontinent started at a very early age.  I feel my brain is wired to wanting desperately to become incontinent.  I travel for work and using a diaper became so difficult to manage.  I ask myself am I really incontinent with no physical problems and I've come to the conclusion that I am.  I do have uncontrollable urges and unfortunate accidents.  5 years ago I started using an indwelling catheter and my mind and body feel like never before.  I'm finally happy!!!! Using an indwelling catheter is total incontinence. You no longer have control and that is what I've been wanting all my life.  Incontinence, I believe, can be a medical condition that drugs cannot cure. I know because I was tortured by the need and for the last 15 years it consumed me everyday and every moment.  For some using a catheter is very uncomfortable, but there are ways to achieve comfort to the point you don't feel the catheter anymore.  

Just now, El Chancho said:

My desire to become incontinent started at a very early age.  I feel my brain is wired to wanting desperately to become incontinent.  I travel for work and using a diaper became so difficult to manage.  I ask myself am I really incontinent with no physical problems and I've come to the conclusion that I am.  I do have uncontrollable urges and unfortunate accidents.  5 years ago I started using an indwelling catheter and my mind and body feel like never before.  I'm finally happy!!!! Using an indwelling catheter is total incontinence. You no longer have control and that is what I've been wanting all my life.  Incontinence, I believe, can be a medical condition that drugs cannot cure. I know because I was tortured by the need and for the last 15 years it consumed me everyday and every moment.  For some using a catheter is very uncomfortable, but there are ways to achieve comfort to the point you don't feel the catheter anymore.  

 

Just now, El Chancho said:

My desire to become incontinent started at a very early age.  I feel my brain is wired to wanting desperately to become incontinent.  I travel for work and using a diaper became so difficult to manage.  I ask myself am I really incontinent with no physical problems and I've come to the conclusion that I am.  I do have uncontrollable urges and unfortunate accidents.  5 years ago I started using an indwelling catheter and my mind and body feel like never before.  I'm finally happy!!!! Using an indwelling catheter is total incontinence. You no longer have control and that is what I've been wanting all my life.  Incontinence, I believe, can be a medical condition that drugs cannot cure. I know because I was tortured by the need and for the last 15 years it consumed me everyday and every moment.  For some using a catheter is very uncomfortable, but there are ways to achieve comfort to the point you don't feel the catheter anymore.  

 

[spark]

I understand your plight.

My desires also started at a very young age.   I'm the youngest in my family, and we never lived close enough to any other relatives that I never had any access to diapers growing up.  Even my friends were usually the youngest in their families, so I wasn't ever around kids in diapers after like six.  However, I distinctly remember wanted to wear them.   It waned slightly when I started school, but then came back much stronger as I started to hit puberty.   I was relatively late in hitting puberty, but I remember wanting to get put in diapers at 13.

I started buying diapers as soon as I made enough money.   I wore them occasionally through my twenties, mostly when I was alone and knew nobody could see me.  Eventually, I moved in by myself and could wear more frequently.  But I still was racked with guilt about it.

I haven't had many relationships, and I'm fairly certain I'm asexual.   When I did have a girlfriend, I felt a lot of pressure about it.  It hard to explain, but the pressure made me nervous, and it was more uncomfortable than enjoyable.  However, I loved the cuddling and absolutely loved sucking on her breasts.  I'll give you three guesses of 😁what I was imagining while sucking on her breasts😁  Ironically, I rarely wore diapers while I was with her.    I still felt the urge, but the fear of getting caught was stronger than the urge to wear.   I went almost a whole year without wearing a diaper.

Literally, the week we broke up, I bought a pack of diapers and started to wear them again.  at the time I was a little younger than your listed age.

It was about that I decided to stop pretending this was bad.   A big part of it came from reading posts on this site.   A lot of it came the first time I read the first draft of Rosalie Bent's 1st book (BTW- I'm one of the case studies in that book).  Through that, I gained the courage to go 24/7.  I worked at home, so I could wear it almost all of the time, but after Covid, it was all the time.  I now work on-site and wear a Crinklz diaper every day.  I wouldn't even think of going in without a diaper, and to be honest- it's a risk I don't want to take.   I might not flood, but I'll certainly leak.

Wearing 24/7 has made me calmer, and generally better in public.   I feel this sense of calmness when I'm putting on a diaper, and I still imagine that I'm being changed by a loving mother figure, but I no longer have the sense of naughtiness when I'm wearing a diaper.  That heightened excitement level is gone, and thank goodness for that.  TBH- that roller coaster sucked.

AFAIK- nobody knows that I have a diaper on, and I've played golf with the same 3 guys for the last 10 years.  They know my knees suck, and they know my eyes suck, but they don't know (or don't say anything about it) that I'm in a soggy diaper.  Nobody at work seems to know either.

I'm not sure if I'll ever be in a relationship.  I have a lot of friends who would be super happy for me if I did, but it has to be right.  One of the issues is that they need to be aware and accepting of it.  To be honest, it wouldn't be ok with me if it was passive acceptance.  This is a huge part of who I am, and I'm perfectly comfortable keeping it outside of my social circle, but not my personal circle.

That's a very long-winded (but cathartic) way of giving you some advice. 

#1- accept this.  AFAIK- It's not going away, but there's nothing to feel guilty about it.  There are literally hundreds of books about it, and reading those helped me.  Posting here has helped me as well because it's a safe place. 

#2- decide who you are willing to share this with.  I'm sure there are huge benefits to sharing it with people.  However, my best friends/family don't care and don't need to know whether I'm wearing boxers or briefs.  They damn sure don't need to know that I'm wearing an ABDL diaper either.   If you're likely to be naked in front of somebody- you might want to explain your reasoning. 

#3- don't let anybody else get to tell you how you should experience your desires.   My experience of wearing 24/7 might not be yours.  For me it's pooping.  I think if I allowed myself to become diaper trained for poop- I would probably get full diaper dependence.  However- it's been 5 years!  I'm still dropping my diaper and pooping in the toilet.   The only way I go in a diaper is if I push really hard from my stomach.

 

[El Chancho]

Thanks Spark.  I have told a few people that I'm incontinent, but not that it is a life choice.  In fact I don't feel it was a choice to become incontinent, my mind and body didn't accept being continent.  It's not easy to describe and the closet thing I can compare it to is someone who knows they are a female in a mans body.  I accept the fact I'm incontinent.  I finally got there by using an indwelling catheter.  I'm happy and fully accept my incontinence.

[foreverdl]

On 5/23/2023 at 12:23 PM, Dprczyone said:

My first thought is to tell them all about it. I didn't tell my wife before we were married, we've been together over 50 years, and it has been an up hill battle to get her to be ok with me wearing them. She knows it's just something that I like to do for a few days a week but she also knows if given the chance I'd wear 24/7. I think everyone who sees your post will tell you to be open and honest. It doesn't sound like it would be but I really believe it will be. We all know the desire doesn't go away totally and for me it becomes a craving if I don't get to wear. I wish you the best of luck.

I didn't tell my wife till we were married for 15 yrs I think? anyhow still married 28 yrs now, we have made it had some really bad times in the beginning , but it was my weak point was really Bad timing she was going through cancer. So it took a few yrs of up and down, it's like you were cheating on your spouse and keeping a secret  for yrs and I get that. She still has no idea why I have the need. And now it's been a long time, and I have developed a bladder that will not hold very well, so I am needing them 24/7, I have worn 24/7 for 10 yrs or so, depending on how open minded your spouse is will make the difference on how fast they are ok with it. And you may find out they may already know unless you were very sneaky like I was. I thought she had clues but you never know. But I do agree if you are planning a rest of your life with them then you will need to tell them. Or start peeing the bed every so often and they will ask you, and maybe say you need diapers? Hope I helped.

On 5/23/2023 at 12:05 PM, QueenDDesire said:

Hi All,

I'm also one of the silent guests - so far.

Right now I strongly desire incontinece and bedwetting. I'm used to that, let me share my thoughts.

My diaper love started when I was a child, I grabbed the diapers from my sisters or used a tissue. Once my mum found my wet diaper, it was no fun.

 

Then many years passed without any thought about diapers.

After giving birth to my first child, the diapwr desire came back. I talked to my husband and he allowed me to wear diapers, so he also tried himself. But I'm not interested in watching, I want to wet and mess my diaper on my own. I like the warm comfy feeling and the loss of control.

Since I have a stressfull job, it's my way to balnce and calm down.

After beeing divorced (not connected to diapers) I had a new partner, great sex and no desire at all. But it came back and hit me really unexpected. I told him and he also allowed me to wear them. I have fantasies like beeing changed and wetting them 24/7. 

Now, all this is passed and for 4 years, I'm with my latest partner. He doesn't even know about my desire, but it is creeping back. Overwhelming me and my thougts, pushing me into wishes of bedwetting and wetting my pants to hear from him "you should wear a diaper"

While having sex, it really turns me on to imagine to be in a wet or messy diaper.

Right now I'm wearing a bif wet towel in my jeans, he is on a business trip for one week.

I don't dare to buy nappies, but I love betterdry diapers...

I wear big incontinence paddings while bleeding, of course due to the blood, but to be honest I wet them.

I'm really good conditoned, once in a diaper, I start using it without thinking. Only bed wetting isn't working.

I'd wish to be incontinent or even start with bed wetting, to wear diapers again.

I don't want to tell him I'm a DL. This would mean I have to ask to wear a nappy, I want to be dependent.

I also tried a catheter before, but it was a small one w/o block. 

I also thought about wetting the bed on purpose, because it would not harm anybody else beside him. 

What prevents me me from doing this? My grandma was incontinent and the smelled really bad. I don't want to smell like her 😞

So it's a big struggle and in the end I'm the looser, because my desire is after the expectations from society.

I admire all of you who gained self-incontinence! 

Hi I made my comment on a different user, that commented to you

[stevewet]

I am incontinent and dependant on nappies 24/7 And thoroughly enjoy being this way. I settled in to nappies very quickly and couldn't be happier. My wife has no problem with me being in nappies and life is good.

[foreverdl]

On 6/12/2023 at 1:46 AM, stevewet said:

I am incontinent and dependant on nappies 24/7 And thoroughly enjoy being this way. I settled in to nappies very quickly and couldn't be happier. My wife has no problem with me being in nappies and life is good.

My wife has come a long way in the past few yrs. I just try to keep my smells down, and my noise from plastic pants, I do have a spare bedroom I try to contain the diapers etc, my playtime stuff in there.  I have a very hard time getting to a bathroom and can't make it most times. I do wear 24/7, but they cost money so if I can stretch a diaper a little longer in daytime I will run to the potty. I don't do pop in my diaper, since I do a 4qt water enema x 2 each night, I haven't pooped in the daytime, more than a hand full of time in way over 15 yrs. The hemorrhoids was my reason for doing them, and after doing it for so long my Dr has said I most likely have lost the muscles that push out the poop from the colen , but it's only an inconvenience for a few hrs a nite, and I use it for my playtime and butt play also. So a win win.

[diaperdl]

I drop my diaper and do #2 in the toilet, but I have to go faster.
I can't hold much longer.

[stevewet]

On 5/23/2023 at 8:05 PM, QueenDDesire said:

Hi All,

I'm also one of the silent guests - so far.

Right now I strongly desire incontinece and bedwetting. I'm used to that, let me share my thoughts.

My diaper love started when I was a child, I grabbed the diapers from my sisters or used a tissue. Once my mum found my wet diaper, it was no fun.

 

Then many years passed without any thought about diapers.

After giving birth to my first child, the diapwr desire came back. I talked to my husband and he allowed me to wear diapers, so he also tried himself. But I'm not interested in watching, I want to wet and mess my diaper on my own. I like the warm comfy feeling and the loss of control.

Since I have a stressfull job, it's my way to balnce and calm down.

After beeing divorced (not connected to diapers) I had a new partner, great sex and no desire at all. But it came back and hit me really unexpected. I told him and he also allowed me to wear them. I have fantasies like beeing changed and wetting them 24/7. 

Now, all this is passed and for 4 years, I'm with my latest partner. He doesn't even know about my desire, but it is creeping back. Overwhelming me and my thougts, pushing me into wishes of bedwetting and wetting my pants to hear from him "you should wear a diaper"

While having sex, it really turns me on to imagine to be in a wet or messy diaper.

Right now I'm wearing a bif wet towel in my jeans, he is on a business trip for one week.

I don't dare to buy nappies, but I love betterdry diapers...

I wear big incontinence paddings while bleeding, of course due to the blood, but to be honest I wet them.

I'm really good conditoned, once in a diaper, I start using it without thinking. Only bed wetting isn't working.

I'd wish to be incontinent or even start with bed wetting, to wear diapers again.

I don't want to tell him I'm a DL. This would mean I have to ask to wear a nappy, I want to be dependent.

I also tried a catheter before, but it was a small one w/o block. 

I also thought about wetting the bed on purpose, because it would not harm anybody else beside him. 

What prevents me me from doing this? My grandma was incontinent and the smelled really bad. I don't want to smell like her :-(

So it's a big struggle and in the end I'm the looser, because my desire is after the expectations from society.

I admire all of you who gained self-incontinence! 

My Grandmother was incontinent in the last few years of her life but back then incontinence products were not what they are today. Her house reeked of stale pre and she didn't smell to fresh her self. Nowadays there is no need to smell due to being incontinent.

[Hannah YMS]

On 5/29/2023 at 4:10 PM, El Chancho said:

Thanks Spark.  I have told a few people that I'm incontinent, but not that it is a life choice.  In fact I don't feel it was a choice to become incontinent, my mind and body didn't accept being continent.  It's not easy to describe and the closet thing I can compare it to is someone who knows they are a female in a mans body.  I accept the fact I'm incontinent.  I finally got there by using an indwelling catheter.  I'm happy and fully accept my incontinence.

What was your training regimen with an indwelling catheter that made you incontinent? Can you describe the steps and details please?

[Ivanna P. Friely]

On 5/24/2023 at 5:05 AM, QueenDDesire said:

 

I also thought about wetting the bed on purpose, because it would not harm anybody else beside him. 

What prevents me me from doing this? My grandma was incontinent and the smelled really bad. I don't want to smell like her 😞

 

I don't know why liquid chlorophyll isn't mentioned more in here, I find it really effective. Truly an awful taste for the straight stuff but there are some that are flavoured with citric acid or the like which are actually yummy (like Swisse mixed berry flavour).

 

I'm confused by the desire too, it makes no sense and I often actively wish I didn't feel this way - and sometimes feel much better for stopping all diaper wearing, but it never lasts long. I don't think I've had more than a week out of diapers in over a year now, and thats only a few weeks. For whatever reason it's a really effective coping mechanism for the stress in my life and it intersects with kink as well in a totally different way. 

 

For what it's worth, honesty and open communication is probably the only real long term successful dynamic with a partner in my opinion. And I say this coming from never having managed to achieve that. I tried the route of accidentally letting my partner find out once (by letting her find my supplies), she didn't actually reject it and was open to being involved in it so long as there was no poop, but she wasn't really interested in exploring and with me not having the ability to advocate for what I really wanted (I'm autistic and this being a really stressful conversation I quite literally could not speak about it) it was just never mentioned again. I know she would have tried some play out with me *if* I could have taken the lead. 

I know you want your partner to make the decision for you, but you really can't bank on him making the decision you want - he might want to try every possible cure there is before diapers if you don't say that's what you want, and obviously wouldn't be good if he later found out you weren't honest. 

[grimpants]

On 11/22/2023 at 9:34 PM, Hannah YMS said:

What was your training regimen with an indwelling catheter that made you incontinent? Can you describe the steps and details please?

After wearing mine for a month total (few days off occasionally), I definitely get the urge and go much easier and can finally go while laying down, even without the cath.