QueenDDesire

Hi All, I'm also one of the silent guests - so far. Right now I strongly desire incontinece and bedwetting. I'm used to that, let me share my thoughts. My diaper love started when I was a child, I grabbed the diapers from my sisters or used a tissue. Once my mum found my wet diaper, it was no fun. Then many years passed without any thought about diapers. After giving birth to my first child, the diapwr desire came back. I talked to my husband and he allowed me to wear diapers, so he also tried himself. But I'm not interested in watching, I want to wet and mess my diaper on my own. I like the warm comfy feeling and the loss of control. Since I have a stressfull job, it's my way to balnce and calm down. After beeing divorced (not connected to diapers) I had a new partner, great sex and no desire at all. But it came back and hit me really unexpected. I told him and he also allowed me to wear them. I have fantasies like beeing changed and wetting them 24/7. Now, all this is passed and for 4 years, I'm with my latest partner. He doesn't even know about my desire, but it is creeping back. Overwhelming me and my thougts, pushing me into wishes of bedwetting and wetting my pants to hear from him "you should wear a diaper" While having sex, it really turns me on to imagine to be in a wet or messy diaper. Right now I'm wearing a bif wet towel in my jeans, he is on a business trip for one week. I don't dare to buy nappies, but I love betterdry diapers... I wear big incontinence paddings while bleeding, of course due to the blood, but to be honest I wet them. I'm really good conditoned, once in a diaper, I start using it without thinking. Only bed wetting isn't working. I'd wish to be incontinent or even start with bed wetting, to wear diapers again. I don't want to tell him I'm a DL. This would mean I have to ask to wear a nappy, I want to be dependent. I also tried a catheter before, but it was a small one w/o block. I also thought about wetting the bed on purpose, because it would not harm anybody else beside him. What prevents me me from doing this? My grandma was incontinent and the smelled really bad. I don't want to smell like her :-( So it's a big struggle and in the end I'm the looser, because my desire is after the expectations from society. I admire all of you who gained self-incontinence!