How do you find people to date when you are incontinent to the point of needing diapers 24/7?

[ken2988]

When I first started having incontinence issues, I would go out on dates with women of a similar age to me, and wouldn't saying anything to the person I was dating about my incontinence issues until we went out on a few dates.  Once I brought up the topic, and they figure out incontinence means I wore diapers, they would either break up with me right then, or just ignore my calls.  I started to talk to different people and found that it was more likely that I would find someone to date if I looked for someone who was older than me, and thus at a stage in their lives where a large portion of the men in their age group were already incontinent.

I am currently 60 years of age, and over the last couple of years I have found that the women who were the least judgmental tended to be in their late 60's or older.  Through dating, I have recently found that women over 70 have no issues with me needing to wear diapers, and know how to make me comfortable about wearing them.  Through my recent dating, I have found that I am most comfortable around a women from 70-80 years of age.  While I can tell they are older due to the typical wrinkling of the skin, age spots, etc., I have found that I am most attracted to the women of this age group who are not judgmental.

[Snugglebear_69]

I focused on the person first and foremost versus a group or a label. Both my Wife and Boyfriend/Daddy accept me for who I am.

[Cute_Kitten]

I didn't vote, because there was no option for putting the person before the age. Age is just a number (as long as they're over 18/ are legally an adult over the age of consent in your jurisdiction). Finding love is hard, and as the saying goes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince/ princess. Best of luck to you.

[rusty pins]

The main thing is not the diapers or incontinence.  It's the person.  If after a couple dates they turn their back on you because of your incontinence, then they weren't the right person for you anyway.  Chances are they would have broken up with you eventually if you were not incontinent.  There are many stories here of people who have met and gotten married in spite of one or the other's incontinence.  I wouldn't focus on one specific age like 10, 15 or 20 years older, I would focus first on your compatibility and interests and how you get along, what you enjoy doing together and if you truly like each other's company without any thought to your medical issue (same as a person who uses a walker, is hard of hearing or needs thick glasses).  That is first and foremost in any relationship.  If you really get along together, have fun and good times then the fact that you have to wear diapers for incontinence will not be a deal breaker for anyone.  If it is, then they are not anyone you want to have a relationship with in the first place. 

Maybe your issue is how you are telling them about your incontinence.  It could be what and how you are saying it is turning them off.  Perhaps you should be asking advise from married couples and people in relationships just how they told their significant other about their incontinence and take some advice that way. 

[~Brian~]

15 hours ago, Cute_Kitten said:

I didn't vote, because there was no option for putting the person before the age. Age is just a number (as long as they're over 18/ are legally an adult over the age of consent in your jurisdiction). Finding love is hard, and as the saying goes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince/ princess. Best of luck to you.

I also agree: it is more important that you find a woman that you love or that you can get along with. Relationships start with something called trust, and you have to have that before you can go anywhere and do anything. Once you have the trust and you have the love then you have something to build. If you're going to tell someone that you're incontinent, that should be something that you tell them after awhile, and by that I mean you don't wait per month to tell them, but you don't go and tell them right away either. You have to gauge what is going on, and how you think their relationship is going, before you make the decision to disclose.

If for some reason you think that it works and it is working, then you would end up having a discussion with your partner and tell her or him what is going on.Don't lie to your partner and tell them some story thinking that you're going to be able to get away with it - because it probably will not work as you state - if you tell him or her the truth from the start, you are more likely to have a lady that would understand your incontinence. This is not to say that a woman would automatically blow you off and not talk to you again , but a woman would be more understanding if she knew what was going on from the start . Once you know that their relationship is going somewhere, and you know that it is something that you and your partner deal with, then you would tell your partner all about what's going on . Once they know what is going on, then be frank and honest and tell him or her exactly what is going on, and let him or her ask you the questions that they want to ask .

I asked the same question myself to a bunch of my friends that I've known for years. I told them about my diaper wearing, or my incontinence, and they said" it's not a big deal"  in my case it really isn't, because most of my friends that I've known for years understand that my disability it is what it is, and they know that people that are disabled may have to use assistive devices, including wheelchairs. All my life I have had to use crutches walkers or wheelchairs, so this is common for me, and not only that but it is part of who and what I am. As rusty said, the most important thing is that you should be whoever you are: do not make yourself up into something that you're not, the most important thing is to be yourself, be honest and open, and I'm sure that if you find the right woman or man, this person we love you for who and what you are: because that is the most important thing: you must find a person who is compatible with you, and understands that you have issues. Once they do, you have a discussion and you let her ask questions and you ask questions, you come up with a plan, and you execute: my friend said it's no big deal, so unless there is some sort of issue where the lady or the man is turned off, I wouldn't worry about it because if you find the right person, you will know it because you will feel it and you will long for it, and you will know when the time is right to disclose.

Good luck, and have a wonderful day!

I also did not vote in the poll, because I think the most important thing is to find a lady or a man that loves you for who you are. Once you find that Lady, and you know that it is right, then you disclose whatever you need to disclose to her, and then you let her ask questions of you, and then you can ask questions of her period it is more important that a lady or a man that you choose love you rather than to worry about your diaper fetish right away. That will come in time, and you know that there are times when it is good to disclose and times when it is not. You will find, in my opinion, that most people are OK with a diaper wearing individual, so I would not worry about it, because you know the score, and can tell that person when it is appropriate.

Brian

Edited June 14, 2022 by ~Brian~
Added Additional Information and Edited some information

[ppdude]

Was not an issue and did not tell her until we started getting serious (for the second time). Got married with a diaper and plastic pants under the tux.

 

[Sadntexas]

No idea I’m a 20s dl guy who’s been single most of life and hated every second nearly 

[ken2988]

After I posted on here I ended up dating a woman in her mid 70's for about a year until we just found that it wasn't really going anywhere.  After we broke up I took to heart what was said on this thread and tried to meet and date women of all different ages.  I really tried for over a half year and found that the women that I dated ultimately broke up with me because they figured out I wore diapers or because I told them I needed to wear them for incontinence.

I tried mostly meeting people on dating sites, but didn't really have any luck.  Funny thing is that I ended up meeting a women while at a bar with some friends and we really clicked.  While talking she asked how old I was, and I told her that I was 61.  I tend to look 5-10 years older than my age, so I could tell on her face that she was a little surprised regarding my age. I asked her the same thing and she said she never gives her age out.  I really liked her so it wasn't really that important to me.  We went out on about a dozen dates just getting to know each other by either going to the park, out to dinner, to the mountains, etc..

While we did kiss and hold hands, it really didn't go any further because I was uncomfortable about telling her that I was wearing diapers. Finally after dating about 3 months she came out and asked if it bothered me wearing protection.  She really caught me off guard and I just stood there saying nothing. She then told me that she could see the outline of my diaper and that her past husband  wore diapers, so she knew I was wearing immediately from our first date, but she didn't want to embarrass me, so was waiting for me to say something, but finally gave up on waiting.

She then asked me what my real age was thinking I was older than I actually am.  I told her that I was really 61 years old.  I could tell that my comment was bothering her, so I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that she thought I was in my early 70's. She then said she was really embarrassed because she though I was close to the same age as her and just didn't want to say my real age.  She then told me that she was born in 1948 in comparison to me being born in 1962.  

So far we are still dating and very comfortable with each other.

[ValentinesStuff]

@ken2988Congratulations!

[Babypants]

There's no set piece answer to a question such as this.  I should imagine that the younger you are, the more difficult it is to raise the subject.  But as you get older, it becomes more and more likely that the person you are involved with has health issues of his or her own.  Arthritis has a way of leveling the playing field for all of us, and there are things far, far worse than arthritis or incontinence that people may have to contend with.  If you want to get some perspective on this, in bad weather join the mall walkers in your community, and look at the people surrounding you.  It can be humbling to realize that there are people dealing every day with problems that are a much greater challenge than incontinence.