Sexual desire or BIID?

[cathdiap]

Hi to all!

Just wondering how many of us consider their incontinence desire a sexual fantasy and how many see it as a body integrity identity disorder (BIID).

There was a time that I suspected my desire to be a BIID, but after an experiment of prolonged stent and diaper use (more than six months) I realized that I no longer had the urge to climax regularly on the experience of real life incontinence. It simply became too much of a boring and bothersome routine wetting and changing my diapers all the time.

After returning to my old routine of wearing 3/4 days a week the excitement returned. 

How about you?

[petropol]

No more excitement when wearing diapers.

I have BID / BIID (incomplete paraplegia)

For me, the symptoms of limp legs,  incontinence and impotence are part of my more contented everyday life.

[Goerge]

I have BIID. I wanted to be disabled way before I hit puberty. At puberty I did get a sexual attraction towards incontinence. I have embraced disability into my life and now live as a vulnerable disabled adult.

[dlnoir]

Most definitely BIID. For as long as I can remember it has been a part of me and over the years I was able to figure it all out, or at least I think I did. It was very easy for me to determine the rough outline by ticking off certain boxes. I am most definitely not an AB, I have zero feelings towards that. I do not want people to change my diaper, I do not indulge myself in game play nothing like that, so that would leave me more in the DL aria. For me it is nothing sexual do not care to see others in diapers for me it is all about feeling in contact with myself. If I do not wear a diaper I feel I will fall apart as if a part is disconnected.

Under normal circumstances I am fully continent but I feel it is absolutely not how it is supposed to be, it is a glitch. In 2006 I got some catheters due to a mistake made by Saveexpress Germany when they picked my order and a box with five catheters were added to my order, I found the missing piece of the puzzle. Soon thereafter I turned to stents for that was even more realistic. I loved the fact that I no longer had no control over my wettings and love the fact that diapers are a necessity when the stent is in place. I love to wake up in the morning knowing I went to bed in a dry diaper and now that I woke up it is soaked. Nowadays I use my stent 24/7 been like that for 15 years now. I only take it out when it needs cleaning or if something else goes wrong like being insufficient hydrated.

I do realize it is hard to tell what it would be like if I was incontinent from the get go. On the other hand I was well in my thirties when I found out that I wasn’t the only one with these strange feelings and desires, up until then I thought I was a freak and the only one in the world with these odd feelings and desires. I was always struggling with my feelings and what was expected of me related to my age and the so called norm. I think if I was incontinent it could have kept me from a lot of pain and a lot of other issues, but I suppose I’ll never know.

 

[sparklezBear]

Growing up, nappies were something that brought me great relief and joy. With hormones running unchecked, the thrill of wearing nappies was partially sexual and fanciful. One of those fantasies was being forced into nappies 24/7, needing them due to being incontinent. At the time, I thought it was outlandish, impossible and squarely in the realms of fantasy, although I did tempt fate on one occasion when I developed bed-wetting in my mid 20s which I quick re-trained out of. Throughout my younger years, I also disliked how turned on I was with nappies. I only wanted the relief they brought, never the sexual tension. I think this might have been due to my post-climax mind, losing complete interest in nappies. I did learn that this would fade somewhat after wearing for a few days straight however.

Fast forward 15yrs, nappies are happily not sexual at all. While I suspect this is partially biological from ageing, I now never lose the desire to be in nappies 24/7 even after the rare climax. I continue to very much enjoy wearing nappies and reap the benefits to my mental health and daily function. I still do want to be incontinent, and am working towards that. It's no longer a fantasy, but something very attainable. Currently I'm an accomplished bed-wetter, and I suspect my continence in the day is poor were it to be tested. While nappies are already required for night time, by the end of the year I'm hoping to reach that point where nappies are medically not optional during the day either.

I didn't really know about the BIID term until recently. The definition provided by Google is extreme from my point of view (people wanting to remove limbs), but the sense behind it is spot on. I should be (and currently partially are) incontinent. Inexplicably, it goes beyond the benefits that wearing and using nappies brings. It's a knowing, something inevitable in my life.

[Flaccidleg]

For me incontinence is just bladder retention is something that comes along with sci. My BIID is very strong in need to be partially paralyzed in my lower body (hips, legs, feet). With spinal anesthesias I have experienced the sensations, actually the absents of any along with no motor control of my muscles. The BIID has sexual feelings  as well as the intense mental stress and anxiety of my real body not matching the image of my body my brain visualizes. 
 

Experimented with catheters and conversation of catheters to behave as stents. During these episodes diaper pants were used. However, no sexual interest. Some aspects of my BID involve sexual feelings regarding how my perfect body would be. 
 

I have found that many have little information about BID. The classic parts of BIID contain specific elements. Such as;

The desire/feelings began in childhood {5-11 years} (although not ever BID sufferer can remember it in their childhood).

BID feelings/needs become fixed after puberty, as late as 25 years. 
Focur of body part in BID rarely Changes for entire life.

Currently no know treatment to eliminate BiD needs.

 

 

[Hannah YMS]

Definitely BID/BIID for me. 

Just FYI, BIID is currently being phased out as the clinical/community term in favor of BID (body integrity dysphoria).

[oznl]

My nappy thing is absolutely not a fetish.  I used to think it was but as the years rolled by, it emerged from the sea of hormones that had formerly submerged it to stand alone as a 24/7 “comfort” thing.

Generally speaking, I’m more comfortable and happier in nappies and so I wear them all the time and have done so for around 2.5 years so far.  It’s not a fetish.  Is it BIID?  I don’t know.  I'd LIKE to understand this better.

I’m still skating around the edges of the whole “incontinence desires” thing.  Whilst I’m clearly unafraid of urinary incontinence (and it’s getting very close now), I’m still not entirely sure if that’s because I WANT to be incontinent or rather, I want to remove the question mark over my nappies and have them permanently and without the risk of social sanction.  With urgency and range issues now, I've experienced the feeling of being "trapped" by my nappies but I don't stop using them.

I’m already by now a habitual bedwetter.  I regularly wake up in a wet nappy with no recollection of using it.  This morning, I woke up thinking I might be dry (I was not).  I still have mixed feelings about this but again,  I don’t stop.  At night time now, I probably CAN'T stop.

[Hannah YMS]

3 hours ago, oznl said:

My nappy thing is absolutely not a fetish.  I used to think it was but as the years rolled by, it emerged from the sea of hormones that had formerly submerged it to stand alone as a 24/7 “comfort” thing.

Generally speaking, I’m more comfortable and happier in nappies and so I wear them all the time and have done so for around 2.5 years so far.  It’s not a fetish.  Is it BIID?  I don’t know.  I'd LIKE to understand this better.

I’m still skating around the edges of the whole “incontinence desires” thing.  Whilst I’m clearly unafraid of urinary incontinence (and it’s getting very close now), I’m still not entirely sure if that’s because I WANT to be incontinent or rather, I want to remove the question mark over my nappies and have them permanently and without the risk of social sanction.  With urgency and range issues now, I've experienced the feeling of being "trapped" by my nappies but I don't stop using them.

I’m already by now a habitual bedwetter.  I regularly wake up in a wet nappy with no recollection of using it.  This morning, I woke up thinking I might be dry (I was not).  I still have mixed feelings about this but again,  I don’t stop.  At night time now, I probably CAN'T stop.

As well you shouldn't stop @oznl ?

[Flaccidleg]

BID, or as identified by WHO in ICD code 6c21 code.

I have more experience with my BID need to be and incomplete (Asia level 3.75) paraplegic for 65+ years. It started when I was in my childhood being exposed to several kids in my school and age group. I wanted to need leg braces like they used to walk. By the time I passed puberty I was clearly and fully affected with BID. 

The need only became stronger over the past six decades. In that time I learned what  ID was. In spite of at times overwhelming mental stress, I do not have the paralysis I need. Being shot down during the Vietnam war didn’t paralyze me but it did instill PTSD in my brain & personality. Years of treatment with SSRI antidepressants and age have robbed me of the ability of erections, even with pills & injections. Vietnam & military service contributed to chronic nephrolithiasis. 
 

By the time I was 65, BPH was choking my urethra as it passed through this organ. Two years ago, the frequent urges to get up 3-5 times a night and needing to piss every two hours a day was stressful and very inconvenient. The solution for this was the installation of the UroLift procedure to improve flow. Not as invasive or painful as TURP or Green laser, the UroLift resolved the BPH issues. 
 

However after two years my bladder, once it senses of being full, turns up the urge control and in minutes the need to piss becomes a growing discomfort in the groin. Does not happen every two hours or frequently at night. But, when the urge is there it seems like I have about 1 minute to fined a place to relieve myself. If I don’t get to toilet fast things start to leak. This is no fun, it doesn’t fit into my BID needs and wet spots on my pants is intolerable. The dribble is only a little, less than a teaspoon, but enough to leave a spot. 
 

I don’t need diapers, and the little pads my wife used to use are not long enough to catch all the drops. So, my question for some here with experience, what kind of minimum pads can I use to catch the dribbles, not be a bulk between my legs.

Please make, model and best (low cost) place to get them in the US? 
 All suggestions welcome.

T

[DiapergirlWB]

I wanted to need diapers before i knew what sex was.  so pretty sure it;s BID

 

[Old_PA]

On 8/4/2021 at 1:17 PM, Flaccidleg said:

 

 

I don’t need diapers, and the little pads my wife used to use are not long enough to catch all the drops. So, my question for some here with experience, what kind of minimum pads can I use to catch the dribbles, not be a bulk between my legs.

 

I live in Australia but the market for mens' pads is well catered for. The thinnest ones here are the Tena Protective Shield, Extra Light. About US$3 for a box of 14.

[Flaccidleg]

Thanks Old PA,

 

I’ll check those out. As they are available in the US too.

 

[InD]

BIID for me, for sure.  After a few years using the stent pretty much 24/7 the desire to wear without control has not gone away.  I really thought it would after a while, but nope.  I still find diapers fun and exciting.  I don't find having no control to be overly difficult.  

[cathdiap]

I have to say I am really surprised that so far the majority of us consider themselves to have BIID. 

[InD]

14 hours ago, cathdiap said:

I have to say I am really surprised that so far the majority of us consider themselves to have BIID. 

Me too!  It the past when I called my desire a BIID people said I was crazy (kinda ironic).  My desire to be incontinent impacts almost every part of my life, including my health.  When you can't stop yourself even after plenty of detrimental incidents how can it be anything but a mental disillusion regarding your body?

It's interesting to see the concept more accepted than before.

[dlnoir]

7 hours ago, InD said:

It's interesting to see the concept more accepted than before.

Good point,  somebody broke the ice at one point or another and got the wheels in motion. Because someone took the first step others with the same feelings and desires felt free to talk about it as well.

Your comment threw me back a couple of years, when certain members of our community started to openly talk about catheter and stent use to cause incontinence. Because of that some other members started to talk about the risks and potential dangers involved. To my opinion both are right. It is better to not stick anything inside your body that doesn’t belong there but we fulfil a need or desire, driven by whatever reason to just place a catheter or stent to become incontinent so some of us do. We can be very thankful for the opportunity given by the moderators of DD to guide and moderate these discussions in the right direction and by doing so maintain a platform in which everybody felt safe to speak their minds. By sharing experiences and learn from mistakes made by others we could very well have prevented some serious incidents by fellow members, whom shared the same desire but didn’t know how to proceed. Since there has been a lot of discussion about catheter or stent use, regardless on which side of the spectrum you are, people know we are there and thanks to a healthy platform it has become a healthy and open topic as well. I think that is what this is all about, connecting. I know a lot of members including me felt a burden lifted off of their shoulders the moment they discovered they were not the only one with a desire to wear and use diapers as an adult. Same thing applied when I learned that I wasn’t the only one with the desire to become incontinent So maybe now we will find a group within our community whom share the same BIID / BID feelings and start talking about it. I have no idea how it will evolve but I am most definitely thankful that DD gives the opportunity to talk about it, cause sharing feelings and not being dissed about it is worth a million. Here we do not have to prevent members to make mistakes here we just have to listen, be kind and open. We are here, we are part of the community and it is a safe place people see that, so if they share the same feelings they are most likely to join the discussion.

[InD]

On 8/29/2021 at 3:46 AM, dlnoir said:

Good point,  somebody broke the ice at one point or another and got the wheels in motion. Because someone took the first step others with the same feelings and desires felt free to talk about it as well.

Your comment threw me back a couple of years, when certain members of our community started to openly talk about catheter and stent use to cause incontinence. Because of that some other members started to talk about the risks and potential dangers involved. To my opinion both are right. It is better to not stick anything inside your body that doesn’t belong there but we fulfil a need or desire, driven by whatever reason to just place a catheter or stent to become incontinent so some of us do. We can be very thankful for the opportunity given by the moderators of DD to guide and moderate these discussions in the right direction and by doing so maintain a platform in which everybody felt safe to speak their minds. </snip>

Thanks for the feedback.

While you say it's safe to speak your mind, I still get push back from lots of people who say in direct messages or even in thread "you don't know how lucky you are to have control, be careful what you ask for".  There are still lots of post saying "you don't want this, I would kill to have control." (in prison I assume?) in the incontinent desires.  These people are not punished.  Yet I have been punished for saying those comments are unwelcome here (I could have been more polite, but that's not the point really).

Can you imagine being a sexual-assault survivor and going to every rape play fantasy group and saying "you don't want this, I was raped and it was horrible!!"?? Of course not!!

This forum, and others like it would do well to accept an understanding of the Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) mindset.  I am AWARE of RISK, and I CONSENT to explore the choice of my play (KINK).  

I do agree with you that the dangers of catheters and DIY stents must be fully disclosed and stated.  On my blog I refuse to help anyone who doesn't have a ton of experience and can pass quite a few test questions.  I will never make a stent for anyone.  I have also discloused my misadventures in the stent thread where things went wrong, infections with catheters and my trip to the ER with a lost "holey Foley".  

[oliver d]

BIID as I have always from puberty wanted some kind of disability now that I have one ,I  am hearing impaired and that has taken the want to be incontinent away to a large extent but I still wear my diapers at least 5 nights a week.

[Flaccidleg]

On 8/4/2021 at 2:01 AM, DiapergirlWB said:

I wanted to need diapers before i knew what sex was.  so pretty sure it;s BID

 

I do not believe this is BID. BID is a very strong desire to have a physical impairment. Like an amputation or paralysis. 

On 9/6/2021 at 9:16 AM, oliver d said:

BIID as I have always from puberty wanted some kind of disability now that I have one ,I  am hearing impaired and that has taken the want to be incontinent away to a large extent but I still wear my diapers at least 5 nights a week.

How.significant is your hearing loss?  I too have moderate to severe bilateral hearing loss. Use hearing aids full time.

[oliver d]

I have bilateral moderate/severe loss in the high Frequencies caused by noise.Wear hearing aids full time as well.

[Hannah YMS]

On 8/3/2021 at 9:17 PM, Flaccidleg said:

BID, or as identified by WHO in ICD code 6c21 code.

I have more experience with my BID need to be and incomplete (Asia level 3.75) paraplegic for 65+ years. It started when I was in my childhood being exposed to several kids in my school and age group. I wanted to need leg braces like they used to walk. By the time I passed puberty I was clearly and fully affected with BID. 

The need only became stronger over the past six decades. In that time I learned what  ID was. In spite of at times overwhelming mental stress, I do not have the paralysis I need. Being shot down during the Vietnam war didn’t paralyze me but it did instill PTSD in my brain & personality. Years of treatment with SSRI antidepressants and age have robbed me of the ability of erections, even with pills & injections. Vietnam & military service contributed to chronic nephrolithiasis. 
 

By the time I was 65, BPH was choking my urethra as it passed through this organ. Two years ago, the frequent urges to get up 3-5 times a night and needing to piss every two hours a day was stressful and very inconvenient. The solution for this was the installation of the UroLift procedure to improve flow. Not as invasive or painful as TURP or Green laser, the UroLift resolved the BPH issues. 
 

However after two years my bladder, once it senses of being full, turns up the urge control and in minutes the need to piss becomes a growing discomfort in the groin. Does not happen every two hours or frequently at night. But, when the urge is there it seems like I have about 1 minute to fined a place to relieve myself. If I don’t get to toilet fast things start to leak. This is no fun, it doesn’t fit into my BID needs and wet spots on my pants is intolerable. The dribble is only a little, less than a teaspoon, but enough to leave a spot. 
 

I don’t need diapers, and the little pads my wife used to use are not long enough to catch all the drops. So, my question for some here with experience, what kind of minimum pads can I use to catch the dribbles, not be a bulk between my legs.

Please make, model and best (low cost) place to get them in the US? 
 All suggestions welcome.

T

I imagine simple Depends Male Guards should suffice, if all you're talking about are dribbles. If all else fails, a baby diaper, which for an adult is basically the same thing. I've had much success with Pampers size 6 as stuffers.

On 8/28/2021 at 4:36 AM, cathdiap said:

I have to say I am really surprised that so far the majority of us consider themselves to have BIID. 

But it makes sense, in the end, doesn't it? I'm rather contented by seeing us come to a realization that we're not just fucking crazy, but this phenomenon can be shared by many people. That means there's a pathology and potentially a way to treat it!

Even if the best treatment is surgery -- it's still a treatment and can no longer be ignored.

On 8/28/2021 at 6:44 PM, InD said:

Me too!  It the past when I called my desire a BIID people said I was crazy (kinda ironic).  My desire to be incontinent impacts almost every part of my life, including my health.  When you can't stop yourself even after plenty of detrimental incidents how can it be anything but a mental disillusion regarding your body?

It's interesting to see the concept more accepted than before.

@InD, I've followed you for quite some time. But my memory fails me at the moment. Would I be correct in assuming you've been to the ER over this like I have? Easter Sunday, 2015 was my glorious, most humiliating day of my life. Luckily, no surgery. It's too bad I didn't get to keep the stent in the end.

And I'm not crazy. I also have bipolar, but that's a different beast altogether. This definitely isn't crazy, it's a shared phenomenon. If we were crazy, none of our stories would ever line up, but we experience a consistent theme.

That means there's something to it.

And for what it's worth, I can echo your thoughts almost exactly. The day in, day out, of realizing you're not incontinent. The mental exhaustion of knowing you have more "work" to do. Never knowing when the end is nigh. Constant struggle.

If there ever was a gauntlett of determination, this would be it, I imagine.

On 8/29/2021 at 1:46 AM, dlnoir said:

Good point,  somebody broke the ice at one point or another and got the wheels in motion. Because someone took the first step others with the same feelings and desires felt free to talk about it as well.

Your comment threw me back a couple of years, when certain members of our community started to openly talk about catheter and stent use to cause incontinence. Because of that some other members started to talk about the risks and potential dangers involved. To my opinion both are right. It is better to not stick anything inside your body that doesn’t belong there but we fulfil a need or desire, driven by whatever reason to just place a catheter or stent to become incontinent so some of us do. We can be very thankful for the opportunity given by the moderators of DD to guide and moderate these discussions in the right direction and by doing so maintain a platform in which everybody felt safe to speak their minds. By sharing experiences and learn from mistakes made by others we could very well have prevented some serious incidents by fellow members, whom shared the same desire but didn’t know how to proceed. Since there has been a lot of discussion about catheter or stent use, regardless on which side of the spectrum you are, people know we are there and thanks to a healthy platform it has become a healthy and open topic as well. I think that is what this is all about, connecting. I know a lot of members including me felt a burden lifted off of their shoulders the moment they discovered they were not the only one with a desire to wear and use diapers as an adult. Same thing applied when I learned that I wasn’t the only one with the desire to become incontinent So maybe now we will find a group within our community whom share the same BIID / BID feelings and start talking about it. I have no idea how it will evolve but I am most definitely thankful that DD gives the opportunity to talk about it, cause sharing feelings and not being dissed about it is worth a million. Here we do not have to prevent members to make mistakes here we just have to listen, be kind and open. We are here, we are part of the community and it is a safe place people see that, so if they share the same feelings they are most likely to join the discussion.

@DailyDi, reflecting on what @dlnoir has said, would it serve the community more if we had a sub-forum underneath this one titled "BID/BIID/BDD", for those of us who identify with this condition? I imagine it's possible to want to be incontinent without having a known pathology, but there will be those that do have a pathological desire to be incontinent, and I think a space like that would be pretty cool.

On 8/30/2021 at 8:29 AM, InD said:

Thanks for the feedback.

While you say it's safe to speak your mind, I still get push back from lots of people who say in direct messages or even in thread "you don't know how lucky you are to have control, be careful what you ask for".  There are still lots of post saying "you don't want this, I would kill to have control." (in prison I assume?) in the incontinent desires.  These people are not punished.  Yet I have been punished for saying those comments are unwelcome here (I could have been more polite, but that's not the point really).

Can you imagine being a sexual-assault survivor and going to every rape play fantasy group and saying "you don't want this, I was raped and it was horrible!!"?? Of course not!!

This forum, and others like it would do well to accept an understanding of the Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) mindset.  I am AWARE of RISK, and I CONSENT to explore the choice of my play (KINK).  

I do agree with you that the dangers of catheters and DIY stents must be fully disclosed and stated.  On my blog I refuse to help anyone who doesn't have a ton of experience and can pass quite a few test questions.  I will never make a stent for anyone.  I have also discloused my misadventures in the stent thread where things went wrong, infections with catheters and my trip to the ER with a lost "holey Foley".  

Well said!

[Hannah YMS]

On 9/6/2021 at 7:16 AM, oliver d said:

BIID as I have always from puberty wanted some kind of disability now that I have one ,I  am hearing impaired and that has taken the want to be incontinent away to a large extent but I still wear my diapers at least 5 nights a week.

So are you saying that accommodating for one part of your BIID reduced the need for another part of your BIID? If so, that's very fascinating!

[InD]

On 4/27/2022 at 4:46 AM, jonbearab said:

I've followed you for quite some time. But my memory fails me at the moment. Would I be correct in assuming you've been to the ER over this like I have?

Absolutely I ended up in the ER from losing a modified "holey foley" many years ago.  I posted about it here in detail (might have been lost), and on my tumblr.  It did not stop me from progressing or wanting to be incontinent.  Which is why I saw in may ways this drive can be overwhelming.

[Hannah YMS]

4 hours ago, InD said:

Absolutely I ended up in the ER from losing a modified "holey foley" many years ago.  I posted about it here in detail (might have been lost), and on my tumblr.  It did not stop me from progressing or wanting to be incontinent.  Which is why I saw in may ways this drive can be overwhelming.

Well said!